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خلاصه کتاب هفت اصل ازدواج موفق (قسمت ۱ / ۲) · دانشگاه صوتی چکیده ماندگار | کتاب تاریخی سیاسی

0:02
Speaker 1: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work The book is
0:12
Speaker 1: presented in two episodes and this is the first episode.
0:15
Speaker 1: Only by listening for 15 minutes to a couple's conversation
0:19
Speaker 1: can you predict with 91% accuracy whether their marriage will
0:22
Speaker 1: continue or end in divorce. This is what Professor Gottman,
0:31
Speaker 1: professor of science at the Washington University of Seattle, says.
0:35
Speaker 1: Someone who has been working with his colleagues for 40
0:38
Speaker 1: years in a center called the love laboratory in this university,
0:43
Speaker 1: investigates the relationship between the.
0:45
Speaker 2: Marriage of successful and defeated wives.
0:47
Speaker 3: He writes that the.
0:49
Speaker 1: Claim in the life of a natural marriage, even the
0:52
Speaker 1: happiest wives, They discuss about money, housework and family. Gatman's
1:00
Speaker 1: research shows that 69% of disputes are not soluble and
1:04
Speaker 1: should only be managed.
1:06
Speaker 2: So there is no need to argue.
1:07
Speaker 1: The issue is to argue correctly and to repair the
1:09
Speaker 1: relationship after each marriage.
1:10
Speaker 2: Successful couples.
1:25
Speaker 1: They are not necessarily more intelligent, more intelligent or more intelligent.
1:32
Speaker 1: But they have a higher sense of sensitivity. That is,
1:35
Speaker 1: they know how to be focused on their own goal
1:38
Speaker 1: in the fight and improve the.
1:40
Speaker 2: Situation, not worse.
1:44
Speaker 1: Pajrooh Shah shows that a life of unsuccessful women is
1:47
Speaker 1: likely to increase the risk of disease by up to
1:50
Speaker 1: 35% and, in a moderate way, 4 to 8 years
1:55
Speaker 1: of life are reduced. Children who grow up in homes
1:59
Speaker 1: full of poverty, more than their peers, become depressed due
2:02
Speaker 1: to education and behavioral problems. Professor Gottman has developed the
2:06
Speaker 1: results of these 40 years in seven practical principles that
2:09
Speaker 1: are explained.
2:12
Speaker 2: In this book.
2:22
Speaker 1: Asl-e-awwal, shanakhte, amig-e-hamsar, donestan-e-dagdagaha, arezoha wa dunya-e-darouni-e-oo. Asl-e-dawom, parwarash-e-alagho, tahsin-e-qadrdani, ba-adat-kardan-be-didan-e-nogat-e-qovvat-o-tahsin-kardan-e-hamsar, be-jaye-tagabol-wa-tamarkoz-ro-ye-nogat-e-zaf-e-oo. As-le-sevom,
2:47
Speaker 1: roya vordan be hamdigeh, na az hamdour shodan, yani pasokh
2:51
Speaker 1: dadan be harfah vo nigaha yi kuchik rozmarre yi hamsar,
2:55
Speaker 1: be jaye bi-e-tenayi be harfah vo niyazha yi ou. As-le-chaharom,
3:01
Speaker 1: paziresh-e nufuz-e hamsar, yani jeddi gereftan-e nazar-e ou dar tasmimat-e
3:07
Speaker 1: mushtarek-e khanawadeh, be jaye in-ke be donbal-e barandeh shodan dar
3:11
Speaker 1: bahso jadel bashim. The fifth principle is to solve the
3:16
Speaker 1: problems that can be solved, that is, the daily differences
3:21
Speaker 1: that can be solved with conversation, organization and moderation. The
3:26
Speaker 1: sixth principle is to not solve the same 69% differences
3:29
Speaker 1: with the discovery of a hidden dream that sleeps behind
3:32
Speaker 1: every constant and deep confrontation. And the seventh principle is
3:37
Speaker 1: to The creation of common meanings, i.e. the creation of mirrors,
3:43
Speaker 1: common values and family customs that give the life of
3:46
Speaker 1: a woman a meaning and a purpose, like a weekly
3:48
Speaker 1: two-person tour.
3:49
Speaker 2: Gottman is very careful.
3:51
Speaker 1: In the midst of every marriage, four dangerous passengers sit down,
3:55
Speaker 1: and if the couple fails, and the permission to enter
4:06
Speaker 1: the country, they will be able to escape from the
4:09
Speaker 1: women's life with a new and fresh life. We will
4:11
Speaker 1: continue to get acquainted with these four passengers and their
4:14
Speaker 1: ways of encountering them.
4:17
Speaker 2: Hello, I am Esfandiar Khodai.
4:19
Speaker 1: We will summarize the important books of Iran and the world,
4:25
Speaker 1: which you may not have had the opportunity to read,
4:27
Speaker 1: in the shortest possible time.
4:33
Speaker 2: In a world where divorce.
4:35
Speaker 1: Has reached 50% in many countries, understanding what is successful
4:38
Speaker 1: in marriage or what is needed for defeat is a necessity.
4:42
Speaker 1: And today, the Iranian family is more than ever in
4:45
Speaker 1: a state of damage in the midst of wars, sanctions
4:48
Speaker 1: and politics. We tried to choose the best among the
5:00
Speaker 1: books on the subject of marriage and homosexuality. Some books
5:02
Speaker 1: were single-minded, some did not have a scientific and experimental basis,
5:08
Speaker 1: and some were more than academic and dry. In the end,
5:11
Speaker 1: the book of the seven principles of successful marriage was
5:16
Speaker 1: chosen in conflict, because it has a social look at
5:19
Speaker 1: the differences between homosexuality and the practical and practicality of homosexuality.
5:26
Speaker 1: and with the experience of thousands of couples, he presents
5:29
Speaker 1: challenging paths for the development of love and affection and
5:33
Speaker 1: the management of differences. As you have heard, the summary
5:38
Speaker 1: of this book is not the choice of him. We
5:41
Speaker 1: recommend reading the original book, which has also been translated
5:45
Speaker 1: into Persian. Let's go to the author of the book
5:50
Speaker 1: of the seven principles of the married couple. John Gottman
5:56
Speaker 1: got his bachelor's degree from the University of Wisconsin. He
6:02
Speaker 1: had also acquired his master's degree in mathematics from MIT.
6:05
Speaker 1: He had also acquired his master's degree in mathematics from MIT.
6:10
Speaker 1: He had also acquired his master's degree in mathematics from MIT. Gatel,
6:15
Speaker 1: at the beginning of his journey, As most of the
6:27
Speaker 1: participants of that period imagined, the key to a successful
6:29
Speaker 1: marriage is to learn how to deal with obstacles and
6:32
Speaker 1: skills of connection. The method of Raieji, which was called
6:35
Speaker 1: active listening at that time, is a technique that says
6:37
Speaker 1: when your husband complains, first answer his words and then
6:40
Speaker 1: confirm his feelings and thus solve the difference and reach
6:43
Speaker 1: an understanding. But according to Neil Jacobson, even the best
6:59
Speaker 1: examples of this method had only 35 to 50% probability
7:01
Speaker 1: of success and less than half of them preserved the
7:03
Speaker 1: improvement until a year later. Gottman, with the analysis of
7:06
Speaker 1: the data, came to the conclusion that his career.
7:12
Speaker 2: Path changed.
7:13
Speaker 1: The secret of successful marriages is not the skill of
7:16
Speaker 1: solving differences. but a deep friendship between the wives. For
7:30
Speaker 1: this reason, instead of studying the broken wives, he took
7:34
Speaker 1: the really lucky wives under his wing.
7:37
Speaker 2: He established Dr.
7:38
Speaker 1: Julie Gottman, the founder of Gottman, with his wife, to
7:42
Speaker 1: turn the experimental drugs into the workshop and treatment of
7:46
Speaker 1: the wives. The theory of the house of Salim's relationship,
7:52
Speaker 1: which is the main pillar of this book, is the
7:54
Speaker 1: common product of this couple. The book was first published
7:59
Speaker 1: in 1999 and began in the most popular bookstores of
8:02
Speaker 1: the New York Times. Sixteen years later, in 2015, Gottman
8:05
Speaker 1: published it with its latest publications and to this day
8:09
Speaker 1: it is one of the most popular and most famous.
8:19
Speaker 2: Daniel Goleman.
8:44
Speaker 1: The author of the famous book, Housh-e-Atefi, writes about this book,
8:48
Speaker 1: the way of working to get to a smart marriage
8:52
Speaker 1: from the point of view of Atefi and.
8:55
Speaker 2: Of course, Payedar.
8:57
Speaker 1: Newsweek's publication also describes Gottman in this way. He has
9:04
Speaker 1: the soul of a scientist and at the same time
9:07
Speaker 1: the soul of a lover.
9:08
Speaker 2: What makes a marriage successful?
9:15
Speaker 1: Gautman says that a successful marriage is based on a
9:18
Speaker 1: simple step, deep friendship, that is, mutual respect and enjoying
9:23
Speaker 1: being with each other. They know each other well, they
9:28
Speaker 1: know each other's interests, habits, hopes and desires, and they
9:31
Speaker 1: show this recognition in their daily work. The author, before
9:43
Speaker 1: going to the main theory of the book, gives examples
9:45
Speaker 1: in the early stages of the book so that the
9:48
Speaker 1: ground can be cleared for the main discussion.
9:50
Speaker 2: He examples the family of Mr. Nathaniel and his wife, Mrs.
9:53
Speaker 1: Olivia.
9:57
Speaker 2: As an example.
9:58
Speaker 1: Nathaniel works a lot, but during the day he is
10:02
Speaker 1: in touch with his wife. When Olivia goes to the doctor,
10:06
Speaker 1: Nathaniel remembers to call and ask the result. When it's
10:09
Speaker 1: evening and they have chicken, Olivia puts the chicken in
10:13
Speaker 1: the oven because he knows that Nathaniel loves him. When
10:21
Speaker 1: Nathaniel makes the morning cake on Saturday morning, he removes
10:26
Speaker 1: the coal from the olive tree, because he knows that
10:29
Speaker 1: he doesn't like it. These little things make love the
10:31
Speaker 1: end of love. Lucky couples also have bad days and fight,
10:37
Speaker 1: but their positive eyes are stronger than their negative eyes.
10:47
Speaker 1: If one speaks in a harsh tone, the other says
10:50
Speaker 1: he must be tired or has work pressure, not that
10:53
Speaker 1: he thinks he has been.
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Speaker 2: Attacked by his personality.
10:56
Speaker 1: But in unhappy marriages, even a bitter sentence is interpreted badly.
11:01
Speaker 1: The interesting point is that unhappy couples do not see
11:04
Speaker 1: half of their husband's good. Elizabeth Robinson and Gil Price's
11:09
Speaker 1: predictions It shows that when these couples want to have
11:21
Speaker 1: a positive night, they only see half of the things
11:24
Speaker 1: that really happened.
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Speaker 2: They follow so many mistakes that their good things are
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Speaker 2: lost in front of their eyes.
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Speaker 1: Lucky couples also know how to change the atmosphere. A
11:35
Speaker 1: joke or a smile or a behavior can change. Gatman
11:45
Speaker 1: says to them, it's a foolish effort. Do these attempts
12:15
Speaker 1: not occur in saleswomen or is it that one side
12:19
Speaker 1: is so lonely.
12:20
Speaker 2: That he does not see her at all?
12:25
Speaker 1: Gatman says that in 96% of cases, the writing of
12:27
Speaker 1: a conversation between wife and husband is found from the
12:31
Speaker 1: first three minutes. If the discussion starts with a discussion,
12:36
Speaker 1: it will almost always end with a discussion, even if
12:39
Speaker 1: it takes an effort to make it clear.
12:41
Speaker 2: This example is shown in a couple in this way.
12:45
Speaker 2: The husband talks.
12:45
Speaker 1: About the division of housework. The wife says from the
12:49
Speaker 1: same first sentence with a smile, you are free from housework,
12:54
Speaker 1: even if it was free that we wanted to talk
12:56
Speaker 1: about it. The husband tries to make fun of the atmosphere,
13:05
Speaker 1: but the wife continues with indifference. Now let's see what
13:10
Speaker 1: kind of problems Gatman has reached from the heart of
13:13
Speaker 1: these bad conversations. Four dangerous passengers who have been reduced.
13:19
Speaker 1: Four dangerous passengers who have been reduced. Four dangerous passengers
13:23
Speaker 1: who have been reduced. Four dangerous passengers who have been reduced.
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Speaker 1: Four dangerous passengers who have been reduced. who report war, famine,
13:31
Speaker 1: illness and death. These four behaviors, when they enter into
13:35
Speaker 1: a relationship, report the death of the marriage. The first
13:39
Speaker 1: driver is criticism. Disagreement and.
13:43
Speaker 2: Complaint have a difference with criticism.
13:48
Speaker 1: Disagreement is about a specific behavior. You were supposed to
13:52
Speaker 1: open a kitchen.
13:53
Speaker 2: Can you do it now?
13:58
Speaker 1: But criticism attacks the personality. Why are you so forgetful?
14:03
Speaker 1: Cleanliness is not important to you at all. Another example.
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Speaker 1: Your husband has forgotten to take the garbage out. The
14:12
Speaker 1: problem is that you were going to take the garbage out.
14:16
Speaker 2: Just now, take care of it.
14:18
Speaker 1: But criticism is that why do you never do anything right?
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Speaker 1: You always put everything on my neck. It is no
14:28
Speaker 1: longer beneficial for me. In the mind, a specific behavior
14:33
Speaker 1: is mentioned, but in criticism, the whole personality of the
14:35
Speaker 1: party goes under the question. Actions such as you always,
14:38
Speaker 1: you never are a classic example of criticism. Criticism is
14:44
Speaker 1: sometimes natural and all couples sometimes criticize each other. But
14:50
Speaker 1: when it is confirmed, The way to the most dangerous
14:56
Speaker 1: ride is change.
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Speaker 2: The second ride is change. Change means talking.
15:02
Speaker 1: To your partner from top to bottom, especially with a smile,
15:07
Speaker 1: a smile, a smile, a smile, a smile, a smile.
15:10
Speaker 2: For example, Peter and Sinita, this couple.
15:24
Speaker 1: Sinita says washing the car is hard for me and
15:28
Speaker 1: Peter wants to help her. Peter instead of helping says
15:33
Speaker 1: just see how much our cars and clothes are different
15:35
Speaker 1: from each other. I can reach my car. You have
15:39
Speaker 1: the mentality of going and having a new car. This
15:43
Speaker 1: is not a matter of behavior. Peter is questioning Sinita's
15:47
Speaker 1: personality and tells her that you are a lazy and
15:51
Speaker 1: irresponsible person. From Gatman's point of view, change is the
15:56
Speaker 1: most dangerous journey.
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Speaker 2: Because his message is hatred and hatred.
16:01
Speaker 1: The opponent feels that he is looking at him from
16:04
Speaker 1: above and he is attached to his character.
16:06
Speaker 2: And there is no way out for him.
16:08
Speaker 1: The continuation of this conversation and the cure of this
16:12
Speaker 1: relationship is almost impossible. Change is so strong that it
16:14
Speaker 1: even hurts the body. Pajumashan shows that the couples who
16:24
Speaker 1: continue to misbehave with each other are more likely to
16:29
Speaker 1: get sick.
16:32
Speaker 3: The third ride is Tagabol.
16:36
Speaker 1: When Peter misbehaves with Sinita, Sinita naturally defends herself. He
16:42
Speaker 1: explains that washing a car for him is harder than
16:45
Speaker 1: washing a truck for Peter. But Peter doesn't even pay
16:52
Speaker 1: attention to this explanation. He also speaks from above and
16:56
Speaker 1: says that he will reach his car because.
16:59
Speaker 3: He wants the life of the car to be long.
17:02
Speaker 1: Unlike Sinita who has the mentality of a black sheep.
17:08
Speaker 1: Gottman says that the response is completely understandable. Someone who
17:12
Speaker 1: is under attack wants to protect himself. But the problem
17:15
Speaker 1: is that Pagabol has a hidden message, I'm not the problem,
17:23
Speaker 1: it's you. This message gives an excuse to the attacker
17:27
Speaker 1: to ignore his words and continue from the previous topic.
17:30
Speaker 3: As a result, the storm continues.
17:32
Speaker 1: Sinita never feels it has been heard and Peter is
17:35
Speaker 1: never forced to accept the responsibility of his behavior. So
17:39
Speaker 1: it's not less, it's more. The atmosphere is ready for
17:50
Speaker 1: the fourth flight. The fourth flight is being.
17:55
Speaker 3: Stoned.
17:55
Speaker 1: When one of the wives does not show any reaction,
17:59
Speaker 1: does not look, does not nod, and does not even
18:02
Speaker 1: say HUM, the relationship between the two is stoned. According
18:07
Speaker 1: to Gottman, in 85% of cases, this character is played
18:11
Speaker 1: by a man. Sangh shodan mamoulan dirtar az se sabarkar
18:21
Speaker 1: dige zahir mishe, zamani ke fard dige tahamol shenidan entegad, tahqir,
18:28
Speaker 1: tagabol modavim ro nadare, wa tanhar rahe fararash qat e
18:32
Speaker 1: kamel irtabate.
18:35
Speaker 3: Pusht e in char sabarkar.
18:38
Speaker 1: Entegad, tahqir, tagabol wa sangh shodan padidey fizyolojik be naam
18:44
Speaker 1: toghyan qarar dare. When the emotional attack of the partner
18:48
Speaker 1: is so severe and unbearable that the opponent's body darkens,
18:52
Speaker 1: the heart rate sometimes goes up to 165 beats per minute,
18:54
Speaker 1: the adrenaline rushes and the brain gives the ability to
18:57
Speaker 1: think logically. Gottman, according to Robert Levinson, explains that men
19:02
Speaker 1: are more likely to become pregnant than women. And they
19:14
Speaker 1: become calmer later The difference is that there is a
19:18
Speaker 1: difference in the continuity of the organization And that's why
19:23
Speaker 1: men are more likely to get rid of their bodies
19:28
Speaker 1: And escape to stone But the freshness of this quadruped
19:31
Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily mean the end of the relationship Guttman says
19:34
Speaker 1: 84% of couples who had bad doubts but were aware
19:37
Speaker 1: of them After 6 years, they still have They were
19:44
Speaker 1: lucky with each other. What kills a marriage is not
19:48
Speaker 1: the claim itself. Now, Gatman did not write this book
19:41
Speaker 1: to only scare us out of danger. He is going
19:44
Speaker 1: to show us how to stay away from this danger.
19:47
Speaker 1: So far, we have only mentioned the issue. Now that
20:07
Speaker 1: we have become acquainted with the main enemies, that is,
20:10
Speaker 1: these dangerous four-wheelers and Toghian, when we reach them, we
20:14
Speaker 1: go to the paths of construction. The same seven principles
20:19
Speaker 1: that Gatman has extracted from the heart of 40 years
20:21
Speaker 1: of watching happy couples and has put the name of
20:24
Speaker 1: the book on it, the seven principles of a successful marriage.
20:28
Speaker 1: The first principle is the foundation and basis of all
20:32
Speaker 1: other principles, the deep knowledge of the husband.
20:39
Speaker 3: Asl-e awal.
20:41
Speaker 1: Harche bishtar hamdigar ro bishnaseed, khanawadeye shoma mustahkamtar mishay. Gatman, Nakhustin,
20:49
Speaker 1: asl-e izdewaj-e mowaffag ro ba mafhum-e nakhshay-e ishq tozih mide. Yani,
20:55
Speaker 1: tasbiri dagigh wa beruz az dunya-e darouni-e hamsar. Alaiq, tars-ha, negarani-ha, arezoo-ha, dostan, khaterat,
21:07
Speaker 1: and other things that are important to him. Lucky couples
21:11
Speaker 1: don't just like each other, they are always in the
21:15
Speaker 1: process of discovering and knowing each other.
21:20
Speaker 3: Dr.
21:20
Speaker 1: Rory, a child specialist, was so busy that he slept
21:23
Speaker 1: about 20 nights a month in the hospital. He didn't
21:26
Speaker 1: even know the name of his children's friends and the
21:30
Speaker 1: name of his family's dog. And to answer this question,
21:37
Speaker 1: which bedroom door opens to the back of the house,
21:39
Speaker 1: he had to ask his wife Liza. Liza was suffering
21:41
Speaker 1: from this distance and sometimes tried to.
21:43
Speaker 3: Attract her attention.
21:45
Speaker 1: But this caused Rory to be in trouble. Gatman says,
21:48
Speaker 1: this is a private example. But many of the wives.
21:50
Speaker 3: Have the same problem in a lighter form.
22:03
Speaker 1: They live next to each other for years, but they
22:05
Speaker 1: are unaware of each other's inner world. The importance of
22:10
Speaker 1: the role of love becomes more obvious in times of
22:14
Speaker 1: unrest and conflicts. Gatman, according to Alisson Shapiro, says that
22:22
Speaker 1: about 67% of wives experience a severe lack of sexual
22:25
Speaker 1: pleasure after the birth of their unborn child. But wives
22:31
Speaker 1: who have a deep knowledge of each other before the
22:34
Speaker 1: birth of the child see very little damage and even
22:36
Speaker 1: in some cases their relationship becomes better and stronger.
22:38
Speaker 3: Mrs. Maghi and Mr.
22:39
Speaker 1: Kan are a example of these wives. Despite the short
22:42
Speaker 1: time of knowing each other before marriage, they have a
22:47
Speaker 1: deep knowledge of their dreams and the inner world of
23:00
Speaker 1: each other. When, after the birth of their daughter, Mrs.
23:05
Speaker 1: Maggie decided to leave her job, and even the money
23:08
Speaker 1: she had spent on buying clothes for her daughter's education,
23:12
Speaker 1: she was surprised by this change, but she could understand it,
23:16
Speaker 1: because she knew about the inner world of her husband.
23:26
Speaker 3: Gautman emphasizes that.
23:29
Speaker 1: The role of love is not created once. People change
23:33
Speaker 1: with the change of job, illness, children, and the past. Therefore,
23:37
Speaker 1: we must carefully ask our husband about his life, worries,
23:40
Speaker 1: and desires, and recognize him, otherwise our worlds will become
23:45
Speaker 1: less and less alien to each other. Gautman, to strengthen
23:48
Speaker 1: this recognition, He suggests simple games and questions For example,
24:00
Speaker 1: who are your best friends? What stress does he have now?
24:03
Speaker 1: What has made him uncomfortable lately? What is his most
24:09
Speaker 1: important wish in life? Which part of the family does
24:14
Speaker 1: he like less or more? What was the most important
24:17
Speaker 1: event in his childhood? What music does he listen to more?
24:27
Speaker 1: And which Instagram or Facebook channel does he like more?
24:31
Speaker 1: What is his favorite food? How does he like to
24:34
Speaker 1: spend his free time? And if he has a lot
24:36
Speaker 1: of money, what does he do with it? So don't
24:40
Speaker 1: just like your husband, know him. The second principle is
24:44
Speaker 1: to raise love and appreciation. She has a deep understanding
24:57
Speaker 1: of the relationship, but according to the second principle, understanding
25:02
Speaker 1: of loneliness is not enough. We must learn to see
25:05
Speaker 1: the strengths of our partner and show our own interest
25:09
Speaker 1: and appreciation. Ms. Liza decided to do a romantic job
25:15
Speaker 1: for her husband's birthday.
25:16
Speaker 3: Rory was always in the hospital.
25:25
Speaker 1: Liza and the kids prepared a celebration and went to
25:28
Speaker 1: the hospital.
25:29
Speaker 3: But Rory became angry instead of happy and.
25:31
Speaker 1: Said, why did you do this? I was embarrassed in
25:35
Speaker 1: front of my colleagues. A few minutes later, his phone rang.
25:38
Speaker 1: It was one of his hands. Rory's tone became warm
25:41
Speaker 1: and gentle. Liza realized that the man who married her
25:52
Speaker 1: could also be a kind man, but not with her anymore.
25:56
Speaker 1: This was the moment of Liza's defeat. But the story did.
26:01
Speaker 3: Not end here.
26:03
Speaker 1: After a while, at a meeting, they were asked how
26:06
Speaker 1: they got to know each other. Rory's face turned bright
26:08
Speaker 1: and told them from the beginning that He knew from
26:18
Speaker 1: the beginning that Liza would take time to convince him
26:21
Speaker 1: and he was ready to put a lot of patience
26:24
Speaker 1: in order to win his trust. Liza was amazed at
26:28
Speaker 1: him and tears in his eyes were falling. This was
26:30
Speaker 1: the first time that Rory said these words. Gatman, the poet,
26:34
Speaker 1: understood that under all this coldness the system of love
26:39
Speaker 1: and appreciation is still alive. Meaning these two people still
26:48
Speaker 1: respect each other in the depth of their existence. At
26:50
Speaker 1: that moment, the hope of saving their family became. A
26:54
Speaker 1: few days later, Rory, using a resident, changed the program
26:58
Speaker 1: of his job in the hospital and spent more time
27:02
Speaker 1: for his family and saved their marriage. Gottman says that
27:12
Speaker 1: the best way to solve this system is to look
27:16
Speaker 1: at the past wives. The lucky wives talk about their
27:19
Speaker 1: first days of acquaintance with joy and excitement. But the
27:24
Speaker 1: wives who are in the process of selling the past
27:28
Speaker 1: will rewrite the past according to today. Peter and Sinita
27:32
Speaker 1: are your memories, the same wives who were fighting on
27:35
Speaker 1: the washing machine and changing each other. When Peter was
27:42
Speaker 1: asked what attracted him to Sinita after a long time,
27:46
Speaker 1: he said, I don't know the truth. I never thought
27:48
Speaker 1: of a specific speciality. They asked him about their wedding
27:55
Speaker 1: and he described it as a complete tragedy. In the end,
28:00
Speaker 1: this couple could not save their relationship and got divorced.
28:03
Speaker 1: Amar Gatman is depressed. 94% of the wives who describe
28:11
Speaker 1: their past in a positive way also have a good future.
28:18
Speaker 1: Now listen to the story of Mr. Michael and Mrs.
28:21
Speaker 3: Justin. Justin described that during.
28:24
Speaker 1: His time in the army, he had separated Michael, who
28:28
Speaker 1: was a school sports hero, from the newspaper and kept
28:31
Speaker 1: it hidden in his album. Michael also laughs and says
28:41
Speaker 1: that he has never followed any girl. But Justin was
28:46
Speaker 1: the first girl who really followed her. These memories full
28:50
Speaker 1: of appreciation make this family happy. Why is love and appreciation.
28:57
Speaker 3: So important? Because it is the root of change.
29:01
Speaker 1: When you still have respect and foundation for your husband,
29:08
Speaker 1: Even if you are angry about his behavior, you do
29:12
Speaker 1: not ignore his personality and do not change him. But
29:16
Speaker 1: when this system is shut down, the driver of change
29:19
Speaker 1: enters the field. Every day, with a real and clear
29:23
Speaker 1: gratitude or appreciation, show that your attention is on your
29:28
Speaker 1: husband's good deeds.
29:34
Speaker 3: Thank you for watching.
29:30
Speaker 1: Nishon bedit ke havaseton be khubiha ye hamsareton hast. Na
29:34
Speaker 1: kulli wa mubham, balka dagig wa moshakhas. Mamnon ke di
29:39
Speaker 1: shabba husle be harfam gush dadi. Ya mishet dar ghalbe
29:43
Speaker 1: tashakur ham nabashe. Hamin ke nishon bedin ke on khubiha
29:47
Speaker 1: ro didid o qadrdan hastid kafie. Eshk be tanhai kafi nist.
29:54
Speaker 1: Bayat khubiha yeh hamsarton ro ham bebinid o be zavan
29:57
Speaker 1: biyarid o az ta'rif o tamjid o na tarsid.
30:02
Speaker 3: Hala shayad begit in chaplusiyeh.
30:04
Speaker 2: Khair.
30:05
Speaker 1: Chaplusi ba tahsin o qadrdani farg dareh.
30:09
Speaker 3: Tahsin wageyiyeh. Ama chaplusi dorogheh.
30:12
Speaker 1: Shakhse chaplus hadak digari ro dombal mikoneh vo qaste farib dareh.
30:18
Speaker 1: Wa khodesh chizi ro ke migeh babar nadareh. When the
30:23
Speaker 1: expression of love and appreciation in a family is alive,
30:27
Speaker 1: the relationship with change becomes vaccine. Now, the next step
30:33
Speaker 1: is to show this attention and respect in the small
30:35
Speaker 1: moments of everyday life, the same thing that we attribute
30:39
Speaker 1: to it in the third essence.
30:40
Speaker 3: The third essence became close to.
30:42
Speaker 1: Each other instead of getting far in small moments. Gautman
30:52
Speaker 1: says that to understand the safety of a marriage, you
30:55
Speaker 1: don't have to wait for a wedding or big celebrations.
31:01
Speaker 1: It's enough to look at the small moments of the day.
31:05
Speaker 1: For example, when a husband sees a man from the window,
31:09
Speaker 1: he says, Oh, look at that man. His husband can
31:13
Speaker 1: raise his head and talk to him about the man.
31:16
Speaker 1: Or he doesn't even pay attention. Gatman invites these moments
31:22
Speaker 1: to connection.
31:22
Speaker 3: Every time our.
31:25
Speaker 1: Husband wants to look at us with a word, a look,
31:28
Speaker 1: a joke or even a little bit of attention.
31:31
Speaker 3: We have three choices. 1.
31:32
Speaker 1: We bring him to his side. 2. We take him
31:35
Speaker 1: away without any hesitation.
31:39
Speaker 3: Or 3. We show him the way.
31:41
Speaker 1: Gatman says, A positive response to these invitations is like
31:51
Speaker 1: a wealth of money in terms of the hospitality of
31:54
Speaker 1: your family. A scientific study that has been going on
31:58
Speaker 1: for six years shows that wives who have a stable marriage,
32:02
Speaker 1: on average, give a positive response to 86% of their
32:05
Speaker 1: husband's invitations. This figure was only 33% in wives who
32:07
Speaker 1: separated later. It is interesting that most of the big
32:20
Speaker 1: women's prayers are not about money or the family of
32:25
Speaker 1: the husband and these things, but the thread is in
32:29
Speaker 1: these unheard prayers. Gatman also tells a story of his
32:33
Speaker 1: own life like this. One day, his husband, Julie, was
32:38
Speaker 1: tired of wearing washed clothes. Gatman could stay without fear,
32:42
Speaker 1: but he paid attention to it. Khadash az in kar
32:48
Speaker 1: lezzat mi bord. Ho lebasa ro jam kard, mouseri jaaz
32:53
Speaker 1: gozasht ho mashkoul shod be ta kardan lebasa. Hala Juli
32:57
Speaker 1: ham omad ho kenarash nesast. Sohbatashon be kuloop jaaz morad
33:03
Speaker 1: alagashon keshid, ke modatha bod narafte budan. Wa hamon shab
33:08
Speaker 1: in gufteguiye sadeh be yek qarare ashagane tabdil shod. If
33:42
Speaker 1: we only pay attention to the moment, we will not
33:44
Speaker 1: understand the real meaning. Gatman is also aware that listening
33:47
Speaker 1: and social networks can prevent these small daily connections. Couples,
33:52
Speaker 1: even when they are next to each other, when they
33:55
Speaker 1: fall asleep on the listening page, they actually turn away
33:59
Speaker 1: from each other. He recommends for special hours, Put the
34:11
Speaker 1: rules and regulations of two people and keep the house away.
34:17
Speaker 1: Talk to each other every day for a few minutes
34:22
Speaker 1: about the pressure outside the house. In these conversations, we
34:27
Speaker 1: are not going to solve the problem. First, we have
34:31
Speaker 1: to listen and sympathize until the stress is gone. Sometimes
34:35
Speaker 1: our husband does not want to solve the problem, he
34:37
Speaker 1: just wants to be on his side without us.
34:40
Speaker 3: Eshq dar lahzaha.
34:42
Speaker 1: Ye bozorge anchanani sakhde ne misheh. Dar hezaran lahzeye kuchike
34:47
Speaker 1: rozmarre sakhde misheh. Har bar ke be hamsaramon roo miyarim,
34:51
Speaker 1: rabete ro takviyat mikonim. Wa har bar ke az kenar
34:54
Speaker 1: davat oo bi-e'tena mikzarim, az sarmaie atifiye rabetamon kam mikonim.
35:02
Speaker 1: Bakhshe avvale khalaseh ketabe haft asle ezdabaj mowaffak haminja tamom misheh.
35:10
Speaker 1: We will present the rest of the book in the
35:13
Speaker 1: second episode. Thank you for being with us so far.
35:16
Speaker 1: In this section, we got acquainted with the first three books,
35:22
Speaker 1: the deep knowledge of each other, the development of love
35:26
Speaker 1: and appreciation, and bringing each other to each other instead
35:32
Speaker 1: of being.
35:34
Speaker 3: Apart.
35:35
Speaker 1: But there are still four more books to be seen
35:37
Speaker 1: in the second section. Tahiyeh khulasay har kitab az motaleh
35:44
Speaker 1: wa tahqeeq ta negarish matn, khanesh, zabt wo virayesh wo enteshar,
35:50
Speaker 1: dastekam yek haftekar fashurde ro mitalabe. Hami wa espansar ma
35:55
Speaker 1: fagat shoma hastid wa budjeh ma fagat az hamayatay shakhsi
36:01
Speaker 1: dav talabani shoma taamin.
36:04
Speaker 3: Wa sarf toseh kar mishay.
36:08
Speaker 1: If you find these three books useful and want to
36:10
Speaker 1: keep this light on, you can support us with the
36:13
Speaker 1: donation of the right to participate, for example, at the
36:18
Speaker 1: price of a book. This is the most important support
36:21
Speaker 1: for you to continue this journey. The link to support
36:26
Speaker 1: Dav Talebane is in the description of this post and
36:30
Speaker 1: in the bio of the channel. Click on the link above.
36:41
Speaker 1: The bank card number is in your hand. Check-in in
36:44
Speaker 1: all internal and external messages, especially on Telegram and Balay,
36:51
Speaker 1: and the address of AdSign Esfandiar Khodai is in your hand.
36:57
Speaker 1: Or check-in in any message you have.
37:00
Speaker 3: Thank you. I hope to see you in the second
37:03
Speaker 3: part
37:03
Speaker 1: Of Kitab-e Haft Asl-e Izdewaj-e Mufaffaq-e-Khuda-e-Negahdar-e-Shuma.