Latest / Coffee and Bible Time Podcast / Healing Childhood Wounds: What Actually Helps You Move Forward | John Trent & Kari Trent Stageberg

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Healing Childhood Wounds: What Actually Helps You Move Forward | John Trent & Kari Trent Stageberg · Coffee and Bible Time Podcast

• 1:01
  Ellen Krause: At the Coffee and Bible Time podcast.
• 1:03
  Ellen Krause: Our goal is to help you delight in God's Word and thrive in Christian living.
• 1:07
  Ellen Krause: Each week, we talk to subject matter experts who broaden your biblical understanding, encourage you in hard times and provide life-building tips to enhance your Christian walk.
• 1:18
  Ellen Krause: We are so glad you have joined us.
• 1:21
  Ellen Krause: Welcome back to the Coffee and Bible Time podcast.
• 1:27
  Ellen Krause: I'm Ellen, your host, and I'm so glad that you're here.
• 1:32
  Ellen Krause: Today's episode touches on something incredibly personal, something that's incredibly important and, for many of us, incredibly painful.
• 1:43
  Ellen Krause: It's what happens when we grow up without the love, affirmation and emotional safety we longed for from our parents.
• 1:53
  Ellen Krause: Today, we're diving into the impact of missing love and connection in childhood, the coping strategies that often follow and, most importantly, how God can bring healing, hope and a new legacy.
• 2:10
  Ellen Krause: I'm honored today to be joined by Dr John Trent and Carrie Trent Stageberg, a father-daughter duo with a deep passion for helping people heal from emotional wounds and find freedom in the love of Christ.
• 2:26
  Ellen Krause: Dr John Trent is the president of Strong Families and a nationally known speaker with more than 20 best-selling books.
• 2:34
  Ellen Krause: He's also a husband of over 35 years, a dad and a very proud grandfather.
• 2:40
  Ellen Krause: Carrie Trent Stageberg is the CEO of Strong Families and a speaker in her own right whose heart for helping others is shaped not just by her work but by her own journey of healing and redemption.
• 2:54
  Ellen Krause: She's a wife, a mom to two boys and a powerful voice of hope for anyone longing for emotional wholeness.
• 3:02
  Ellen Krause: Together, john and Carrie have spent years guiding people toward emotional healing, helping them break free from painful generational patterns and leading them into the kind of love that only God can provide.
• 3:16
  Ellen Krause: Please welcome Carrie and John.
• 3:21
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Wow, that has to be the best.
• 3:23
  John Trent: Let's just close in prayer.
• 3:24
  Kari Trent Stageberg: I know I was like we need to hire you to write our bios.
• 3:26
  Kari Trent Stageberg: That was.
• 3:27
  Kari Trent Stageberg: I'm gonna go copy down that thanks, ellen.
• 3:32
  John Trent: It's an honor to be with you, I feel encouraged.
• 3:35
  Ellen Krause: You are most welcome, but rightfully so.
• 3:39
  Ellen Krause: I just am thrilled for our listeners to be able to get a glimpse into what you have poured your life into studying and helping others, so why don't we start out with you guys just introducing yourselves and sharing a little bit about your ministry and what you do?
• 4:00
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Yeah, I had the privilege for 10 years of working with a guy named Gary Smalley, who was one of my best buddies and we did a lot together.
• 4:09
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And then Gary semi-retired, so we started our own ministry.
• 4:14
  Kari Trent Stageberg: It started off as called Encouraging Words and then, right before 9-11, okay, on 9-10, I woke up in the middle of the night and you know, I'm, you know, pretty Presbyterian, so the Lord, I wish, woke me up more than he does, you know.
• 4:29
  Kari Trent Stageberg: But I was like we need to change the name of our ministry.
• 4:34
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Encouraging Words is a great name, but it was like no, you need to change it to strong families, because that's what is really needed.
• 4:41
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And so we changed our name and the next day was 9-11, you know, and the towers fell and it was like, oh my gosh.
• 4:50
  Kari Trent Stageberg: We certainly need encouraging words from God's word, but, boy, more than ever I think we need strong families as well.
• 4:58
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And then a few years go by and Carrie joins up.
• 5:02
  Kari Trent Stageberg: So, carrie, tell them what we do now.
• 5:04
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Yeah, yeah Well, and I am super blessed to get to do this with my dad, and I mean, if you had told either one of us, I think even 15, 20 years ago, that we would be doing this together, I think we both would have laughed for very different reasons.
• 5:18
  Kari Trent Stageberg: But I was the kid that grew up with the blessing and with healthy attachment that ended up walking away from faith and family and found myself in the middle of an abusive relationship, which is really where I met the Lord, and God brought me out of that.
• 5:31
  Kari Trent Stageberg: A few years later, I ended up meeting my incredible husband, Joey, and now we've got our wonderful boys and I've just watched God redeem and heal so much.
• 5:40
  Kari Trent Stageberg: But it really was the blessing which is the core of what we do at Strong Families that brought me home and my parents choosing to live it out, even when it was hard and even when both of them grew up in homes where they didn't grow up with it, and so they really walked this journey of broken to blessed.
• 5:57
  Kari Trent Stageberg: I've walked it in a later season and so I don't know.
• 6:00
  Kari Trent Stageberg: You know some of you are probably going, you know, like maybe you were like me and you were really blessed to have truly wonderful parents and a wonderful childhood, but maybe there's something else that happened that really kind of has made you question is that blessing still valid?
• 6:13
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Do I still have worth?
• 6:14
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Do I still have value?
• 6:16
  Kari Trent Stageberg: God, can you really change what's happening in this season of my life?
• 6:19
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And so I hope that we can share some of that hope, which is what we try to do at Strong Families.
• 6:27
  Ellen Krause: Yes, oh, it's incredibly helpful and I know it starts around this concept of the blessing.
• 6:35
  John Trent: Yeah.
• 6:36
  Ellen Krause: So can you explain for our listeners what it is and how you first encountered or developed it?
• 6:43
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Yeah, well, you know you're right.
• 6:45
  Kari Trent Stageberg: I mean we hear blessing today and it's what you do if somebody sneezes, or it's just used in a lot of different ways.
• 6:53
  Kari Trent Stageberg: We have blessings in Christ.
• 6:55
  Kari Trent Stageberg: I mean when you are in Christ.
• 6:57
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Think about the book of Ephesians, read chapter one and chapter two, and you know he pours out every spiritual blessing.
• 7:11
  Kari Trent Stageberg: You are loved and sealed and adopted and redeemed and restored and all of those amazing things you know.
• 7:14
  Kari Trent Stageberg: But it's interesting in Deuteronomy 30, 19,.
• 7:16
  Kari Trent Stageberg: It says, boy, the Lord says I set before you a choice life or death.
• 7:22
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Now choose life in Christ.
• 7:23
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Right, I mean that's where blessing comes.
• 7:25
  Kari Trent Stageberg: But once you choose life in Christ, then it says now choose blessing over curse.
• 7:31
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Curse means to subtract, to dam up this dream.
• 7:35
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Blessing means to add Bow the knee.
• 7:39
  Kari Trent Stageberg: That's the word.
• 7:40
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Picture behind it, that's an attitude.
• 7:42
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Here's somebody that's really valuable.
• 7:44
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Now you pick up your kids today you don't have to literally bow to them, but it's that attitude that they're really valuable.
• 7:50
  Kari Trent Stageberg: But then it's also like adding a coin to a scale where you add to their life.
• 7:55
  Kari Trent Stageberg: So when you bless somebody because they're so valuable, you add to who they are, you add to their life.
• 8:01
  Kari Trent Stageberg: You know it's interesting, but God blesses us first, but then he calls us to bless others, and that's what we're really talking about.
• 8:09
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Did you grow up with somebody that was crazy about you?
• 8:13
  Kari Trent Stageberg: So, ellen, let me just ask you, when you were 10 years old, you come home from school and let's say everybody's there.
• 8:20
  Kari Trent Stageberg: You know, who was just crazy about you, there
• 8:28
  Ellen Krause: anybody there, that was just crazy about you growing up?
• 8:31
  Ellen Krause: ?
• 8:36
  Ellen Krause: You , I would say boy, this could be a whole therapy session, I think, but I'm not going to let it go there, because I've had my share of that.
• 8:40
  Ellen Krause: But honestly, and I'll be quite transparent with you, like that was a hard season because my parents had just gone through a divorce, and so I had a strong relationship with my dad and he wasn't there and he would have been the person, and even though he wasn't in our home as much anymore, he definitely was that.
• 9:02
  Ellen Krause: I think my mom was really struggling at that time and so things were hard for her.
• 9:09
  Ellen Krause: But I can think of other people you know, like my next door neighbor who I thought was amazing and we spent a lot of time together.
• 9:17
  Ellen Krause: So it's a mixed bag.
• 9:21
  John Trent: No, it is, but see, that's the reality, I think, for a lot of time together.
• 9:22
  John Trent: So it's a mixed bag?
• 9:23
  John Trent: No, it is, but see, that's the reality, I think, for a lot of us.
• 9:25
  John Trent: So you know, I grew up in a single parent home.
• 9:27
  John Trent: My mom and dad divorced when I was two months old, my dad took one look at twins.
• 9:32
  John Trent: I had an older brother and twins and bailed out, you know.
• 9:35
  John Trent: So I never got the blessing from my dad.
• 9:37
  John Trent: He wasn't there.
• 9:38
  John Trent: But you know, my mom was world-class of blessing but then she gets rheumatoid arthritis and she was so sick and we had no money growing up single parent home, so she ends up in Indiana getting all these surgeries we're raising ourself with.
• 9:54
  John Trent: My older brother was really, you know, uh, the one that was taking care of us, and what I'm getting at is is so for some of us, man, you know, we, you know I hope every person here listening got the blessing from everybody around them, including their pets, kind of a thing.
• 10:11
  John Trent: But for some of us we grew up without it.
• 10:13
  John Trent: And, carrie, then you grew up with it.
• 10:15
  John Trent: But then again that abusive time, you can have the blessing ripped out of your life later on as well, right, yeah?
• 10:24
  Kari Trent Stageberg: absolutely.
• 10:24
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And, Ellen, I just wanted to say thanks for letting us put you on the spot and being vulnerable with that question.
• 10:29
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And you know, I think we hear that all the time when we do coaching with people is that you know there wasn't anybody, or it was the dog.
• 10:36
  Kari Trent Stageberg: The dog was the only one that was excited I was coming home, or there was that teacher outside of outside of home.
• 10:43
  Kari Trent Stageberg: There was somebody else.
• 10:44
  Kari Trent Stageberg: But I mean, for so many of us that's just the reality.
• 10:47
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And then again, like I said, for others, maybe maybe we did grow up with a home where people lit up or we knew people in God were crazy about us, but we still had a choice to make, or maybe we're in a season where it's just really hard to believe that that's actually real.
• 11:03
  John Trent: Yeah, right, right so that's really where it started.
• 11:07
  John Trent: As a counselor, I was in a psychiatric unit working there.
• 11:10
  John Trent: So I'm sitting with this guy for about four hours.
• 11:13
  John Trent: He's on suicide watch.
• 11:14
  John Trent: He had tried to take his life and it was so interesting.
• 11:18
  John Trent: You know, Alan, I just felt like you know he, he had tried, he had just got his first B as in boy, not D as in dog as a senior in college and he couldn't go home because he felt like if he went home he'd never, never get his dad's.
• 11:33
  John Trent: But he didn't say blessing, but he had never.
• 11:35
  John Trent: His dad was straight A's, he was straight A's.
• 11:38
  John Trent: This was a non-major PE course.
• 11:40
  John Trent: His dad was straight A's, he was straight A's, this was a non-major PE course.
• 11:43
  John Trent: And he sucked at PE and he gets a B in PE and he literally tried to take his life.
• 11:47
  John Trent: And if his roommate I think by the grace of God hadn't showed up, it would have been successful.
• 11:53
  John Trent: But I got home that night and the next day I'm teaching Genesis 27 and Genesis 28.
• 12:01
  John Trent: In a Sunday school class which is about Jacob and Esau.
• 12:05
  John Trent: Remember those twins?
• 12:06
  John Trent: I'm a twin and so my mom always liked Jeff best Not really, but the point is that you know, here's one twin and Jacob gets the blessing Right.
• 12:19
  John Trent: Okay.
• 12:20
  John Trent: Please come close and hold me, my son, and he kisses him and tells him see, the smell of my son is like the smell of the field that the Lord has blessed.
• 12:28
  John Trent: May God give you the dew of heaven and the fatness of earth and abundance of grain and new wine.
• 12:33
  John Trent: So he gives him this great blessing right.
• 12:35
  John Trent: Well, in comes Esau, and he doesn't get it.
• 12:38
  John Trent: And when Esau heard the words of his father that he would never get the blessing, he cries out with an exceedingly great and bitter cry.
• 12:48
  John Trent: It says, and he goes bless me, even me also, oh my father.
• 12:52
  John Trent: And he repeats himself.
• 12:54
  John Trent: He says do you have only one blessing?
• 12:56
  John Trent: Bless me, even me also, oh my father.
• 12:58
  John Trent: So, so, ellen, that's really.
• 13:00
  John Trent: It was in that moment.
• 13:01
  John Trent: I mean, it was like scales fell off and now I had a name for it.
• 13:05
  John Trent: What I realized was I was sitting with somebody and all that hurt, all that, please, dad.
• 13:11
  John Trent: I had said that a thousand times Dad, show up.
• 13:16
  John Trent: You know where are you, you know?
• 13:18
  John Trent: And then, when I did meet him, and he was an angry alcoholic, I wished I hadn't met him and then I used to hate my dad and then I became a Christian and intensely disliked him and then finally realized, as I began to grow in Christ, I needed to forgive him because I was becoming just like him.
• 13:33
  John Trent: Do you see what I mean?
• 13:34
  John Trent: So it was so interesting.
• 13:36
  John Trent: That was when I thought, oh my gosh, the blessing was when I thought, oh my gosh, the blessing.
• 13:45
  John Trent: That's what now, again, god's blessing is phenomenal, but it is what, I think, what equips us, what fills us up.
• 13:50
  John Trent: We'll be able to get into this man when you grow up without the blessing.
• 13:54
  John Trent: It is when you find God's blessing that you're able to give it to people, even people you never thought you ever would give it to.
• 14:01
  John Trent: So that's really where our whole ministry has been.
• 14:07
  John Trent: Look, you don't have to be perfect.
• 14:08
  John Trent: You can be like Ellen, you can be like John, you can be like Carrie and be broken, and yet in Christ you can move to blessed.
• 14:14
  John Trent: And so that's really what this book is about and what we get to talk to you about today, which is so much fun.
• 14:29
  Ellen Krause: Yes, and it's just kind of the whole story of Christ taking that brokenness and turning it completely around into something of a blessing.
• 14:34
  Ellen Krause: Wow, okay, so you share that?
• 14:35
  Ellen Krause: There's five elements of the blessing, yeah, why don't you tell us a little bit about those and help us understand why these particular things are so impactful in helping someone feel valued and secure?
• 14:53
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Yeah, and I can do that.
• 14:54
  Kari Trent Stageberg: So the five elements of the blessing the first one is appropriate, meaningful touch, and it's really.
• 14:59
  Kari Trent Stageberg: I mean, there's so many studies about the health and physical and mental and emotional benefit of touch.
• 15:06
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Whether it's a baby in a NICU or even somebody who's in physical pain, if they have someone that's holding their hand, their pain levels go down, their blood pressure lowers.
• 15:14
  Kari Trent Stageberg: So there's so many things that the Bible and science tell us about the importance of touch.
• 15:19
  Kari Trent Stageberg: But it also can be bright eyes, and the Bible tells us, you know, bright eyes makes the heart glad.
• 15:25
  Kari Trent Stageberg: There's a really phenomenal book called the Other Side of Church, our friend Jim Wilder who helped write this book.
• 15:30
  Kari Trent Stageberg: He's a neurobiologist and essentially what happens is if you walk into a room and someone's eyes light up when they see you, their eyes brighten.
• 15:39
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Our brain translates that as joy, and so really that's that appropriate, meaningful touch.
• 15:45
  Kari Trent Stageberg: That's the first element.
• 15:46
  Kari Trent Stageberg: The second is spoken or written words, which means we need to hear it, and I think for so many of us we hear this all the time.
• 15:54
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Well, I knew that they loved me, but they never said it.
• 15:56
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Well, they may have been proud of me, but they never said it.
• 15:57
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Well, they may have been proud of me, but I never heard it.
• 16:00
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And so we need to use our words to add, like he was saying, to add like a coin to a scale, to add weight to somebody's life, to add value to their life.
• 16:09
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Well, what do we need to add?
• 16:10
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Well, we need to attach high value, which really is how do we help them get a picture of the unique way that they were created?
• 16:17
  Kari Trent Stageberg: What are their unique, specific, god-given strengths that God has given them?
• 16:21
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And the beautiful thing about those strengths is they're not just for them, they're actually for us to be able to use to bless and encourage others, which brings us to that fourth element, which is special future.
• 16:32
  Kari Trent Stageberg: So how do you see God being able to use them and use those unique strengths in a way that helps them get a picture of what could be ahead?
• 16:42
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And I want to focus on this one really quick, because not only do I think that this is the one that's most under attack today, because here's the reality If the enemy can convince us that we don't have a purpose or we don't have value, he can take us out of the game, whether that's emotionally or sometimes, unfortunately, even physically.
• 17:00
  Kari Trent Stageberg: He can really warp our minds around.
• 17:02
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Well, what is there?
• 17:03
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Even a future?
• 17:04
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And the other side of it is too is sometimes we're hesitant to want to bless someone in our lives because maybe they're not living in the fullness of who they were created to be.
• 17:14
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And I want to tell you this right now it was my dad choosing to say hey, carrie, here's who you are, here's truths about who you are.
• 17:21
  Kari Trent Stageberg: When I was in a season where I didn't see him, that allowed me to begin to walk forward and eventually be able to claim those as true.
• 17:29
  Kari Trent Stageberg: So this is not saying that you throw boundaries out the window, but this is saying that you absolutely can give someone a picture of who God created them to be and how God can use them when they choose to make that decision.
• 17:40
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And then the fifth and final one is genuine commitment, and that's really saying I'm going to be there when things are good, when things are bad, as long as God gives me breath, I'm going to be there for you in any way that I can you know and help you live out the way that God has created you to be in that special future.
• 17:57
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And again, we're not saying throw boundaries out the window, we're not saying become codependent, but we are saying that there is a way to be there for somebody in a healthy way or speak life and blessing over them when they really need it, even if the relationship is incredibly challenging.
• 18:13
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And that's where God and his grace coming into our lives allows us to heal and to forgive, and then we can maybe even go bless someone who never gave us the blessing.
• 18:24
  Ellen Krause: Yes, oh, I just loved reading about that and learning about these different things and, of course, as I was reading it, I was thinking about myself and different people that did attach high value Someone, a teacher, who was instrumental in helping me visualize my future.
• 18:48
  Ellen Krause: And I love the fact that we can like even if we didn't receive it.
• 18:53
  Ellen Krause: So, for example, I was given up for adoption.
• 18:57
  Ellen Krause: So the meaningful touch part I don't think happened, like since it was a while until I was adopted, but I love that.
• 19:07
  Ellen Krause: You know, later on, like now, I cherish every hug that my husband gives me, like just that it's redeemable, so to speak.
• 19:18
  Ellen Krause: Yeah, yeah wow, wow.
• 19:22
  John Trent: Well, and that's.
• 19:22
  John Trent: You know that's so redemptive and you mentioned earlier you know it's a story was tim keller?
• 19:28
  John Trent: Did he ever jump on your podcast?
• 19:31
  John Trent: uh, do you know, I wish, yes, yeah, yeah well, he, you know what's interesting, I was, uh, somebody sent me a podcast that he did of Of course he's with the Lord now, you know, but he was such a great thinker and everything, and it's interesting that he was with a bunch of actors in New York City and, because he was fearless, you know, he'd go right in the midst of the world and talk about Jesus, you know, and bottom line is, is he talked about how, how important they were, because they tell stories and there's that sense in which, as he, you know, began to talk that all of us, our, our life is like a story, you know, written by the hand of God.
• 20:13
  John Trent: And so what we're here to say, the exciting thing is, is that, okay, that story might have started off for a lot of us, or maybe it is today, not where we want it to be, but there is a way.
• 20:27
  John Trent: Deuteronomy 23.5.
• 20:29
  John Trent: Now, I don't have any tattoos, but if I was going to get a tattoo and I'm not suggesting anybody add any more tattoos okay, tattoo this on your brain, maybe.
• 20:38
  John Trent: You know.
• 20:38
  John Trent: Deuteronomy 23, five.
• 20:40
  John Trent: Here's where it says but now, the Lord, your God, was not willing that Balaam.
• 20:45
  John Trent: Now, balaam was this guy that was hired by people that didn't like God's people to curse them.
• 20:51
  John Trent: Right now, most of us had people in our life.
• 20:55
  John Trent: You know, you didn't have to pay my dad.
• 20:57
  John Trent: He just bailed out because he chose to.
• 21:00
  John Trent: It wasn't nobody was paying him to do it.
• 21:03
  John Trent: But here's Balaam.
• 21:04
  John Trent: The Lord was not willing to let that person, whoever it was, curse you.
• 21:08
  John Trent: The Lord, your God, turned the curse, all that subtraction, into a blessing for you because the Lord, your God, loves you, into a blessing for you because the Lord, your God, loves you.
• 21:19
  John Trent: And so, as we get into this whole broken to blessed part, I'm so grateful.
• 21:22
  John Trent: For me, it was a young life leader, this big six foot four X Chico State football player, who showed up to me.
• 21:29
  John Trent: I got to see him and his family all live out God's love, and he's the one that invited me to make a choice.
• 21:37
  John Trent: And we get to do that.
• 21:38
  John Trent: We get to choose man once you come in Christ and you get all those blessings.
• 21:42
  John Trent: Well, now you're ready to go bless others.
• 21:46
  John Trent: So it's a journey, it's a story, but God can rewrite the story.
• 21:52
  Ellen Krause: Yes.
• 21:53
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Absolutely.
• 21:53
  Ellen Krause: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 21:55
  Ellen Krause: Well, I know that we have so many people listening that could be anywhere on that spectrum that you've talked about.
• 22:04
  Ellen Krause: If you could give them one piece of practical steps that they could take to start the healing process, what would that be?
• 22:15
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Yeah, that's a great question.
• 22:18
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Why don't?
• 22:24
  John Trent: why don't you go and I'll, I'll add mine, okay?
• 22:25
  John Trent: Well, you know the one thing that I did.
• 22:26
  John Trent: Now, my dad was an old third Marine division guy and never recovered from the war and came home as an alcoholic trying to drink away all the pain.
• 22:34
  John Trent: And after I did meet him he was still trying to drink away all the pain and never could.
• 22:39
  John Trent: Okay, but what's interesting is, have you ever been to in Washington DC to the Vietnam Memorial?
• 22:47
  Ellen Krause: It's this black thing.
• 22:49
  John Trent: It's got all the names of everybody you know, and it's.
• 22:53
  John Trent: People looked at it.
• 22:54
  John Trent: It's not.
• 22:55
  John Trent: It's not of a soldier or somebody on a horse, it's this black wall with a bunch of names on it.
• 23:02
  John Trent: But people find that name and put their hand on that name.
• 23:06
  John Trent: And here's what I'm getting at.
• 23:08
  John Trent: There's a famous statement that the beginning of the end of war is remembrance.
• 23:15
  John Trent: War is remembrance.
• 23:16
  John Trent: And this is where we get people to start.
• 23:18
  John Trent: We say, okay, now look, if you miss the blessing, you have to say, okay, as far as it is with me, the war's over.
• 23:26
  John Trent: I had to say, okay, I'm forgiving my dad, because I had a hard time doing that.
• 23:31
  John Trent: You know, my mom was so sick and he never showed up and all that stuff.
• 23:35
  John Trent: So I think it's when we start and we say, okay, lord, thank you for forgiving me, I'm ready to move on.
• 23:46
  John Trent: And it's like declaring the wars over on our side.
• 23:49
  John Trent: Now, you can't do it on the other side.
• 23:51
  John Trent: My dad never changed okay, but as far as it is with me, well, from there, you're ready to move on.
• 23:57
  Kari Trent Stageberg: So, carrie, share one thing me well, from there you're ready to move on.
• 24:01
  Kari Trent Stageberg: So, carrie, share one thing.
• 24:01
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Yeah, well, I was going to share two really super quick things.
• 24:03
  Kari Trent Stageberg: I think the first thing that I would say is that if you've never made that choice to say you know what I want things to change, start there.
• 24:10
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And you know, for me it really was that moment of OK, god, if you're real, get me out safely.
• 24:15
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And 10 minutes later there was that knock on the door and I, you know, I firmly believe that when we say you know what, god, I am ready, I am ready to move forward with you because God wants to lead us, but we have to join him on the journey.
• 24:28
  Kari Trent Stageberg: So if you haven't really said yes to the journey or you've been holding back on that, say yes and let him have a little peace each day, because he's so faithful with what we give him and he multiplies that.
• 24:41
  Kari Trent Stageberg: So I would say, start there.
• 24:42
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And the second thing that I would encourage you to do is pick a verse that you feel like really is important to you.
• 24:47
  Kari Trent Stageberg: You know, for dad you shared that the Hebrews 13, 5.
• 24:50
  Kari Trent Stageberg: For me, I think, every day for about a year and a half, and still sometimes on a frequent basis.
• 24:55
  Kari Trent Stageberg: I read Isaiah 43.1, where it talks about fear, not, for I have redeemed you.
• 25:00
  Kari Trent Stageberg: I have called you by name, you are mine.
• 25:02
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Write it on a note card and every time that you start to think, can things change?
• 25:07
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Is it possible to change?
• 25:09
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Pull it out and make a tally on the back mark and you know, maybe day one it's 30 times that you had to read it.
• 25:14
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Day two, maybe it's 10.
• 25:16
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And then maybe it's 40, because healing is not linear.
• 25:19
  Kari Trent Stageberg: But having something to physically help your brain stop and say you know what God is, who he says he is, he is in control and he is going to show up.
• 25:29
  Kari Trent Stageberg: For me, those would be two really practical things that I would say to do to just kind of start down that path of healing and watch God take it and run with it.
• 25:40
  Ellen Krause: So powerful, right when we release it and put it in God's hands.
• 25:46
  John Trent: Yeah, amen.
• 25:48
  Ellen Krause: Well, John and Keri, we could talk about so much more, I know, but if people are interested in learning more about you, where can they find you and the book your Journey from Broken to Blessed?
• 26:03
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Yeah Well, you can find us at strongfamiliescom or on social media at Strong Families, and if you want to find your journey from broken to blessed, we have copies on our website, amazon.
• 26:15
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Obviously we would love to hear from you if you do pick up a copy of the book.
• 26:20
  Kari Trent Stageberg: We'd love to hear if it was a blessing to you.
• 26:23
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And we actually run live book clubs.
• 26:25
  Kari Trent Stageberg: We're getting ready to launch our live book club on Journey from Broken to Blessed.
• 26:29
  Kari Trent Stageberg: So if you're interested in joining us on that, where we actually walk through the book live with you on Zoom, kind of like we were doing it over you know Bible and coffee, but Broken to Blessed and coffee, then come to strongfamiliescom and we would love to have you join us on that journey.
• 26:46
  Ellen Krause: Oh, that's incredible.
• 26:47
  Ellen Krause: I love that you're providing people that opportunity.
• 26:51
  Ellen Krause: Well, we will make sure we include links to all those things in our show notes.
• 26:56
  Ellen Krause: Before we let you go, we have to ask you a couple of our favorite Coffee and Bible Time questions here.
• 27:02
  Ellen Krause: First of all, what Bible is your go-to Bible and what translation is it is?
• 27:08
  John Trent: it.
• 27:08
  John Trent: Wow.
• 27:09
  John Trent: Well, I'm a New American Standard guy.
• 27:12
  John Trent: You know if I'm doing really Bible study.
• 27:14
  John Trent: But this one here called the New Testament, modern English, it's by JB Phillips.
• 27:20
  John Trent: Now it's out of print.
• 27:29
  John Trent: You got to find it on eBay or whatever.
• 27:30
  John Trent: It is a wonderful interpretive paraphrase and Alistair Begg refers to it all the time.
• 27:32
  John Trent: It's an English author, it's really old, but that's my favorite.
• 27:36
  John Trent: Jb Phillips is my favorite favorite.
• 27:39
  John Trent: Yeah.
• 27:40
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Yeah, I didn't think to bring mine down, which I probably should have, but the one that I'm really, really into right now it's the Contemporary Comparative Parallel Bible.
• 27:46
  Kari Trent Stageberg: It's the Contemporary Comparative Parallel Bible and so it has four different translations all on the same page.
• 27:54
  Kari Trent Stageberg: So it's got like NIV, new Living Translation, the Message and New King James Version, and so it's really fun.
• 28:02
  Kari Trent Stageberg: It has them in columns so it's really easy to read and I'm actually really enjoying kind of looking through all the different ones and kind of just increasing hey, wow, when you read it that way, you know what does the Lord have to say to you about that?
• 28:16
  Kari Trent Stageberg: So that's what I've been into lately, which has been really fun.
• 28:19
  Ellen Krause: Okay, I have a parallel Bible, but it's only two translations.
• 28:23
  Ellen Krause: That's really cool that you have a four one.
• 28:26
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Yeah, all right, I don't know if it's too much or not, but it's been really fun.
• 28:30
  Ellen Krause: It's been fun yeah it's incredibly helpful to look at multiple translations.
• 28:34
  Ellen Krause: Okay, how about?
• 28:36
  Ellen Krause: Do you have any favorite journaling supplies that you like to use for your Bible study?
• 28:42
  John Trent: Well, there's actually a place in Seattle that makes these leather journals.
• 28:48
  John Trent: That's going to be something that maybe gets passed down to generations.
• 28:56
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Yeah, and I'm with him.
• 28:57
  Kari Trent Stageberg: This is uh, there's just something about a journal you really enjoy and there's something about, like the rap you know where you're having to, like I don't know that that makes it really fun and really special.
• 29:04
  Ellen Krause: Yes, that looks.
• 29:05
  Ellen Krause: That looks really cool.
• 29:07
  Ellen Krause: Okay, you'll have to let us know where that is so we can tell our listeners.
• 29:11
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Yeah, Pike's Place Market in Seattle.
• 29:12
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Every time he comes up to visit, we got to go up there and get new journals.
• 29:17
  Ellen Krause: Oh, fun Okay.
• 29:19
  Ellen Krause: Love Pike's Place Okay.
• 29:20
  Ellen Krause: Lastly, what's your favorite app or website for Bible study tools?
• 29:27
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Yeah, that's a good question.
• 29:28
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Go ahead, go ahead.
• 29:29
  John Trent: I love you know Blue Letter Bible is.
• 29:32
  John Trent: You know, just got so many great things and you know you mentioned that I could also.
• 29:40
  John Trent: You know those are kind of our favorite Bible things, but you mentioned that I could also tell you about my favorite coffee.
• 29:48
  John Trent: Please do, please do coffee, please do, please do.
• 29:55
  John Trent: There's this.
• 29:56
  John Trent: Uh, we're sending you.
• 29:56
  John Trent: You are so kind to have us on and to kick this whole thing off all over the country.
• 29:58
  John Trent: It starts right here with you and we're so grateful, and so I'm sending you this because this is it's called daybreak coffee, it's caravan coffee.
• 30:06
  John Trent: They're out of the portland area caravan Coffee.
• 30:09
  John Trent: But listen to this, it's chocolate, creamy and buttered toast.
• 30:14
  John Trent: I don't know about you, but it had to be buttered toast, not burnt toast, but buttered toast.
• 30:20
  Kari Trent Stageberg: It's really good.
• 30:21
  Kari Trent Stageberg: I'm really picky and Joey and I have switched over and my mom, who doesn't even drink coffee, will drink it, so I don't want to oversell it, but it's actually really really good.
• 30:34
  John Trent: Yeah.
• 30:35
  Ellen Krause: Okay, well, you sold me when I heard the word chocolate?
• 30:40
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Yeah, exactly, and my favorite app is actually it's called Prayer P-R-A-Y-R and it is a great resource for building community while you're also trying to like actively study things, and so it helps you create a prayer timeline you can.
• 30:56
  Kari Trent Stageberg: It actually lets you set reminders to pray for different people, and so that's actually been my favorite kind of Bible study app at the moment, because it helps me take what I'm learning and then actually put it into action where I can set a reminder to pray for so-and-so during this time or they've, and then people can give updates on their prayer, and it's really kind of a neat tool, so that that's my favorite one right now and my friend Julie created it.
• 31:17
  Kari Trent Stageberg: So I'm really it's, it's fun to see that, uh, really be something that's powerful and that's so helpful.
• 31:25
  Ellen Krause: I love that.
• 31:26
  Ellen Krause: Okay, well, very good, we will make sure we include links to all those things, including caravan coffee.
• 31:32
  Ellen Krause: John and carrie, thank you so much for being here today, for being so authentic, for sharing your words of encouragement.
• 31:44
  Ellen Krause: It's just been a wonderful experience oh, thank you so much.
• 31:49
  John Trent: Hey, can carrie, can you pray for Ellen and all these awesome people that have been blessed by her as well?
• 31:56
  John Trent: Yeah, absolutely.
• 31:59
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Lord, we just thank you for coffee and Bible time.
• 32:02
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Lord, we thank you for just the opportunity to slow down and really get to connect with other believers.
• 32:08
  Kari Trent Stageberg: God, even through our phones or the internet, to just be able to hear other perspectives about you.
• 32:14
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Lord, I just pray that this is a continued place of community for people, where they would continue to just be encouraged, that you would give Ellen wisdom and favor as she continues to build this, and we just thank you for the opportunity to get to share about what you have done in our lives and what you are able to do when we say yes to you.
• 32:34
  Kari Trent Stageberg: So I just pray that you would bring your hope on anyone who is listening today.
• 32:38
  Kari Trent Stageberg: Let them know that you really are real, you really can change the pictures of their story and you really can move things from broken to blessed.
• 32:46
  Kari Trent Stageberg: And so we just love you and we praise you in Jesus name, amen, amen.
• 32:51
  Ellen Krause: All right.
• 32:52
  Ellen Krause: Thank you so much for that prayer to our listeners.
• 32:55
  Ellen Krause: If you grew up without the love and care you needed, or if you're just now beginning to see how that has affected your adult life, I hope this conversation reminded you that healing is possible.
• 33:09
  Ellen Krause: You are not too far gone, you are not stuck in your past and you are never beyond the reach of God's love and restoration.
• 33:18
  Ellen Krause: Thank you again for just joining us here at the Coffee and Bible Time podcast.
• 33:23
  Ellen Krause: Until next week, may you rest in the truth that you are fully seen, deeply loved and never alone.
• 33:29
  Ellen Krause: God bless.