Transcript

#34 Annie · Heavyweight

0:15
Speaker 1: Pushkin.
0:21
Speaker 2: Hi, Dear, how are you?
0:22
Speaker 3: Do people ever approach you to tell you that you
0:25
Speaker 3: sound just like Jackie from Heavyweight?
0:27
Speaker 2: No, that can't happen.
0:28
Speaker 1: If they did, would you tell me or you would
0:30
Speaker 1: feel like it would?
0:31
Speaker 4: No?
0:31
Speaker 2: Of course I would not share it.
0:33
Speaker 3: So how do I know if someone has said it?
0:35
Speaker 3: You don't someone has said it, haven't they? No, Johnny,
0:39
Speaker 3: you paused before you said no, I'll.
0:42
Speaker 5: Like not but like been a long time from now.
0:45
Speaker 1: In a soon time from now, right soonish, I'm.
0:47
Speaker 6: Trying to break up john I'm trying to break up
0:50
Speaker 6: with you.
0:50
Speaker 1: Well, you can't break up with me because I'm breaking
0:52
Speaker 1: up with you.
0:53
Speaker 5: Do you want to see who hangs up first?
0:54
Speaker 1: I don't. It's like a duel rat from Gimblet Media.
1:06
Speaker 3: I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this is Heavy Wait Today's episode Annie.
1:19
Speaker 1: Right after the break.
1:26
Speaker 3: Every day I receive emails from people looking to make
1:29
Speaker 3: peace with the past, resolved some long standing hurt that
1:33
Speaker 3: still nags at them. These are emails filled with regret
1:36
Speaker 3: and reflection, carefully chosen words labored over sentences. Annie's email
1:43
Speaker 3: possessed none of these elements. Annie's email possessed a lot
1:48
Speaker 3: of exclamation points and words in all caps. The story
1:53
Speaker 3: she told was of her uncle in all the ways
1:55
Speaker 3: he had wronged her over the years. The infractions Annie
1:58
Speaker 3: described were really pretty small, but her anger was enormous.
2:03
Speaker 3: Annie was gearing up for a face off. She even
2:07
Speaker 3: signed her email let the conference begin, punctuated by two
2:13
Speaker 3: exclamation points. I was conflicted. On the one hand, I
2:19
Speaker 3: was horrified by Annie's willingness to cause such a royal stink,
2:23
Speaker 3: But on the other hand, I was delighted by Annie's
2:26
Speaker 3: willingness to cause such a royal stink. Who among us
2:30
Speaker 3: hasn't wished at some point that we could call people
2:33
Speaker 3: out on the little things that hurt us. After all,
2:37
Speaker 3: most often it's the mini bite sized betrayals and small
2:41
Speaker 3: slights that really eat us up. But for fear of
2:44
Speaker 3: being called petty, we pretend to let it all go.
2:48
Speaker 3: But not Annie. I did, indeed want to see someone
2:51
Speaker 3: join Annie on her healing journey of screaming and yelling.
2:55
Speaker 3: I just didn't want it to be me, my producer.
2:59
Speaker 3: Khalila is not me. She is also quite possibly Annie's
3:03
Speaker 3: complete opposite. Khalila is undisposed to confrontation. She told me
3:08
Speaker 3: she once had a job where, rather than cause a fuss,
3:12
Speaker 3: she allowed her coworkers to mistakenly refer to her as
3:16
Speaker 3: Callie for four years. Khalila could help Annie and maybe
3:22
Speaker 3: along the way a little Annie would rub off on her,
3:26
Speaker 3: and even better, I wouldn't have to get involved in
3:29
Speaker 3: this mess at all.
3:30
Speaker 4: Yeah.
3:30
Speaker 3: I had a different thought about this one, and so
3:32
Speaker 3: I lay out the plan to Khalila. I will pass
3:35
Speaker 3: the baton to her so that both she and Annie
3:39
Speaker 3: can grow into their best selves. I was thinking, you know,
3:43
Speaker 3: I would sit this one out and allow you your
3:45
Speaker 3: chance to shine.
3:47
Speaker 2: So you want to send me into a cringy situation instead.
3:52
Speaker 1: I think so mm hmmm.
3:55
Speaker 3: I feel like an armchair colonel dispatching a foot soldier
4:00
Speaker 3: on my behalf. I have to stay behind and do paperwork.
4:03
Speaker 2: Right, and I have to go out there and get shot.
4:06
Speaker 3: I do feel like you can offer support and she can,
4:11
Speaker 3: like maybe teach you something as well.
4:14
Speaker 2: Here comes wellness.
4:16
Speaker 1: What did you just swallow? Is that saliva?
4:18
Speaker 2: Yeah? Really? Yeah? In spite of what Jonathan might think,
4:30
Speaker 2: Annie and I actually have a lot in common.
4:32
Speaker 6: My favorite food is breakfast.
4:35
Speaker 2: I mean too, I have a breakfast tattoo.
4:37
Speaker 6: Stop it, Yeah, I have breakfast.
4:40
Speaker 2: Annie goes by two different names, Annie and Andrea, and
4:44
Speaker 2: so do I, Khalila and Kaylee. While in for four
4:47
Speaker 2: years CALLI. My birthday is April fifth and her birthday
4:50
Speaker 2: is April sixth, And in our youth, we both harbored
4:53
Speaker 2: a weird obsession with cows. But of course there's the
4:57
Speaker 2: one key way in which Annie and I are different.
5:00
Speaker 2: Annie has no problem causing a fuss, and as for.
5:04
Speaker 1: Me, good morning, good morning?
5:06
Speaker 2: Is this Joe?
5:07
Speaker 7: It is?
5:08
Speaker 2: This is talking to Joe. Joe is the audio engineer
5:12
Speaker 2: I hired to record Annie's side of the conversation. Annie
5:15
Speaker 2: and I are talking over the phone. I'm in New York.
5:18
Speaker 2: Annie's at Joe's studio in Seattle. Are you guys all
5:21
Speaker 2: set up like you're recording and everything?
5:26
Speaker 7: Normally about five minutes?
5:28
Speaker 2: Okay? By okay, I mean this is not okay. The
5:34
Speaker 2: great Canadian documentarian Jonathan Goldstein once told me that the
5:38
Speaker 2: way one captures the magic is to abr always be recording.
5:44
Speaker 2: So when I booked studio time, I asked Joe repeatedly
5:48
Speaker 2: to start recording Annie the moment I phoned. Instead, he
5:52
Speaker 2: seems to be taking pictures of his dog Domino. But
6:02
Speaker 2: I would never confront Joe about this, because that is
6:05
Speaker 2: not the person I am. The person I am would
6:08
Speaker 2: rather take on huge amounts of discomfort myself than make
6:11
Speaker 2: anyone else even a little bit uncomfortable. Unless someone is
6:15
Speaker 2: being outright cruel to me, it always feels like, well,
6:18
Speaker 2: their intentions are probably good, and so I tell myself
6:22
Speaker 2: Joe's just doing his best, and I wait a few
6:25
Speaker 2: more minutes, Hello, are you recording? Joe? No machines are
6:31
Speaker 2: firing up right now, which for listeners unfamiliar with the
6:35
Speaker 2: more technical aspects of podcasting, the process of going from
6:40
Speaker 2: not recording to recording consists of raising your forefinger and
6:45
Speaker 2: then lowering it onto the record button. Yet ten minutes in,
6:52
Speaker 2: I'm still just listening to Joe rustle around in a
6:54
Speaker 2: mysterious way, and rather than yelling press the stupid button,
7:01
Speaker 2: I make small talk about the weather, about how it's February,
7:05
Speaker 2: tewod a lotitudes and zero's in the date today.
7:10
Speaker 4: I am sorry?
7:11
Speaker 7: Who am I talking to on the phone?
7:14
Speaker 2: Khalila Khalia?
7:16
Speaker 1: Could you speak for just a few moments and just
7:18
Speaker 1: have a.
7:19
Speaker 2: Sure are you recording? Uh?
7:22
Speaker 4: Just about I'm just kind of focusing the mic and
7:24
Speaker 4: getting it.
7:32
Speaker 2: Well. I make problems worse by pretending that there is
7:34
Speaker 2: no problem. Annie makes problems worse by flying off the handle.
7:40
Speaker 2: Oh great, thank you, Joe. And once we can finally
7:42
Speaker 2: start talking, Annie explains how this is precisely what happened
7:47
Speaker 2: with her uncle.
7:48
Speaker 8: I really look up and admire my uncle.
7:53
Speaker 2: Annie's uncle Tim is like an old fashioned cowboy out
7:57
Speaker 2: of a Western. When she was a kid, her family
8:00
Speaker 2: would drive from Seattle to Utah every summer to visit
8:03
Speaker 2: his dairy farm.
8:04
Speaker 8: I loved going to Utah. I loved it. I couldn't
8:08
Speaker 8: even wait to be dropped off at Uncle Tim's. Like
8:10
Speaker 8: everybody else was staying at Grandma's down the street, and
8:13
Speaker 8: I just couldn't even be bothered to put my bags down,
8:15
Speaker 8: Just drop me off at Uncle Tim's.
8:21
Speaker 9: Him teaching me how to milk cows.
8:24
Speaker 8: And I got a special title when all the cows
8:28
Speaker 8: line up and you you know, you have to sanitize
8:31
Speaker 8: and clean their utters and everything before you start milking them.
8:35
Speaker 9: I was the dippy girl.
8:39
Speaker 2: Tim only became more important to Annie as her other
8:42
Speaker 2: family dwindled. Her dad died when she was a teenager,
8:46
Speaker 2: and then she lost a cousin she was close with
8:48
Speaker 2: to a traumatic accident. It made her realize how abruptly
8:52
Speaker 2: people could be taken from you. She wanted to hold
8:55
Speaker 2: on tight to the family she still had. She wanted
8:58
Speaker 2: to hold on to Tim. All through her teen years.
9:04
Speaker 2: Annie continued to visit Tim on the farm, and after
9:07
Speaker 2: he retired, Tim and his wife would make regular visits
9:10
Speaker 2: to Seattle, where Annie's whole family lives. The whole gang
9:14
Speaker 2: would go out to eat, attend baseball games together. But
9:18
Speaker 2: in recent years something's changed.
9:21
Speaker 8: Now they'll come a couple times a year, and they
9:26
Speaker 8: don't tell me, and I don't hear from my mom
9:29
Speaker 8: when they're coming. This isn't something that happens like occasionally.
9:34
Speaker 8: This is now every time they come here.
9:36
Speaker 2: How long has what been going on for?
9:38
Speaker 4: Now?
9:38
Speaker 2: Like years?
9:39
Speaker 9: I would have to say at least ten.
9:43
Speaker 2: For ten years now. When Tim and his wife come to town,
9:47
Speaker 2: they always hang out with Annie's mom, but not with Annie.
9:51
Speaker 2: Annie has countless stories of being left out, each more
9:54
Speaker 2: hurtful than the last.
9:56
Speaker 9: Got a couple of favorites.
9:57
Speaker 2: Yeah please, Okay, So I'd.
10:00
Speaker 8: Called my mom and I'm on Fourth Avenue.
10:03
Speaker 2: The details of these stories are convoluted, and understanding the
10:07
Speaker 2: true extent of each slight requires a greater knowledge of
10:10
Speaker 2: Seattle geography than this reporter possesses. There was a time
10:15
Speaker 2: Tim and his wife went to some big ferris wheel
10:17
Speaker 2: called the Great Wheel, and Annie was not invited, even
10:20
Speaker 2: though it's only two blocks from her office.
10:22
Speaker 9: I can see it out the window of my office.
10:25
Speaker 2: But then there was the night they said they were
10:27
Speaker 2: eating dinner too far away for Annie to join, when
10:29
Speaker 2: it turned out that really they were all eating right
10:32
Speaker 2: around the corner at the Space Needle. But the final straw,
10:36
Speaker 2: the incident that made Annie write into the show, occurred
10:39
Speaker 2: last summer.
10:39
Speaker 4: Well.
10:40
Speaker 2: Annie's mom was visiting Tim in Utah. One morning, Annie
10:44
Speaker 2: called her mom to chat.
10:45
Speaker 8: And she's, oh, oh, yeah, no, we're all at breakfast
10:48
Speaker 8: And I was like, oh, that's fun.
10:50
Speaker 2: Are you guys at Maddox Maddox being a restaurant in Utah.
10:54
Speaker 2: Annie's mom didn't answer. Instead, she put Annie on speakerphone
10:59
Speaker 2: so Annie could chat with her cousin Tyler, And I
11:02
Speaker 2: was like.
11:02
Speaker 9: Oh, you guys at Maddocks, What are you guys doing?
11:05
Speaker 9: And He's like, no, we came.
11:06
Speaker 2: Here here being not Utah, here being Seattle. It turned
11:14
Speaker 2: out the whole family had flung back to Seattle together
11:17
Speaker 2: the day before, and no one had told Annie.
11:20
Speaker 8: I said, what now, I said, we're here, We're at
11:25
Speaker 8: We're with your mom. I'm on her phone. We're at
11:27
Speaker 8: Patty's Egg's Nest. In the background, I hear my mom
11:30
Speaker 8: tell her we call her back.
11:31
Speaker 2: We're eating.
11:33
Speaker 8: I am like twelve minutes away from these people. I
11:36
Speaker 8: was even like more offended, more hurt that it was breakfast.
11:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, I completely understand that.
11:43
Speaker 8: And I totally listen. I think I blacked out. I
11:47
Speaker 8: don't know what happened, but something inside me snapped.
11:50
Speaker 4: I was so.
11:53
Speaker 8: Mad that I said, listen, you tell her that if
11:59
Speaker 8: you are indeed out at breakfast at the Patty's Eggs Nest,
12:05
Speaker 8: do not bother calling me back.
12:08
Speaker 9: And I hung up.
12:17
Speaker 2: When she gets angry like this, Annie's family dismisses her
12:20
Speaker 2: as just being dramatic, which makes Annie even angrier. After
12:26
Speaker 2: this breakfast situation, I had an absolute temper tantrum on Facebook.
12:32
Speaker 2: What did you say?
12:34
Speaker 8: Oh God, I'm cringing because this is what I did.
12:40
Speaker 8: I make a post that says, PSA, uh, if you
12:47
Speaker 8: are at a gathering with family and not all your
12:52
Speaker 8: family in the area has been invited.
12:56
Speaker 9: You are an asshole. I can see that.
13:01
Speaker 8: When I'm hurt like this, like just so deeply that
13:04
Speaker 8: it really manifest is anger.
13:07
Speaker 2: I never allow myself luxury of that kind of anger.
13:11
Speaker 2: I've had family vacations planned with no consideration for my schedule,
13:15
Speaker 2: a family portrait taken without me, And while I'm genuinely
13:19
Speaker 2: hurt by these things, I'd never make a scene. So
13:22
Speaker 2: I admire the way Annie is so willing to call
13:25
Speaker 2: people out, no matter how great the consequences. In the
13:29
Speaker 2: days following the breakfast incident, a new thought dawned on Annie.
13:34
Speaker 2: Maybe she wasn't being excluded accidentally. Maybe Tim and the
13:38
Speaker 2: family just didn't want her around. And now Annie wants
13:42
Speaker 2: to know why don't they want her around?
13:46
Speaker 9: I just want to know what it is.
13:49
Speaker 2: Do you have any like theories about what?
13:52
Speaker 8: I have a million theories a million You know, I
13:57
Speaker 8: was raised Mormon, I'm not Mormon anymore. I got pregnant
14:01
Speaker 8: with my daughter at seventeen years old. I am gay,
14:06
Speaker 8: and I am loud, and and I.
14:11
Speaker 9: Say off the cuff and out of pocket shit.
14:15
Speaker 2: Have you ever asked some point blank, like what's going on?
14:20
Speaker 8: No, I haven't asked them directly. I mean, and now
14:23
Speaker 8: we're at a point where I haven't talked to them
14:25
Speaker 8: at all, and I can't talk about this without it just.
14:28
Speaker 9: Blowing up, and so it just doesn't get anywhere, you know,
14:34
Speaker 9: no resolution.
14:37
Speaker 2: This is where I come in.
14:41
Speaker 8: I think I think it would help having somebody else
14:46
Speaker 8: ask why for.
14:48
Speaker 2: All her bluster, Annie's anger hasn't led to anything constructive.
14:53
Speaker 2: So all the old host of this program thinks Annie
14:55
Speaker 2: has all these lessons to teach me, Maybe I have
14:58
Speaker 2: lessons to teach her too. So maybe like a combination
15:06
Speaker 2: of your directness and my extreme head giness together would
15:11
Speaker 2: form a reasonable person who could find something out, I think.
15:17
Speaker 2: So Annie tells me that no one in her family
15:21
Speaker 2: knows she's contacted heavyweight about this, and so you're gonna
15:25
Speaker 2: have to cold call. I hate cold calling, but what
15:31
Speaker 2: I do not hate is advertisements. So brand is your
15:34
Speaker 2: toilet plunger, because here comes a crap ton of savings
15:38
Speaker 2: about to overflow the toilet onto the toilet floor of
15:42
Speaker 2: your bank account. Jonathan made me say that I start
15:50
Speaker 2: my cold calls with Annie's mom Angie. Annie's mom is
15:54
Speaker 2: the person Tim always reaches out to when he's in Seattle.
15:58
Speaker 2: In all of Annie's stories about being left out, her
16:01
Speaker 2: mom Angie is a key player.
16:07
Speaker 10: For me.
16:08
Speaker 2: A cold call is a terrible trap of anxiety and dread.
16:12
Speaker 2: As the phone rings, I pray it will go to voicemail. Hello,
16:18
Speaker 2: it does not go to voicemail. So to convey we're
16:21
Speaker 2: all pals here and you shouldn't yell at me, I
16:24
Speaker 2: raise my voice several octaves. Hi is this Angie?
16:28
Speaker 6: Yes it is.
16:29
Speaker 2: I try to put Angie at her ease, explaining how
16:32
Speaker 2: I work on this podcast about helping people, and it's
16:35
Speaker 2: usually hosted by this guy, Jonathan. But Jonathan handed me
16:38
Speaker 2: Annie's case because he thinks it's high time I learned
16:40
Speaker 2: a good lesson about personal resilience or something, possibly the
16:48
Speaker 2: value of a dollar. Finally, much to my relief, Angie
16:53
Speaker 2: cuts me off.
16:54
Speaker 6: Yeah, okay, Well, do you want to hear my side
16:57
Speaker 6: of the story? You're not really your yes?
16:59
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, please?
17:00
Speaker 6: Okay.
17:01
Speaker 2: So to Angie, this whole breakfast blow up was, to
17:04
Speaker 2: quote Billy Shakespeare, much ado about nothing. She explained that,
17:09
Speaker 2: to quote Billy Joel, she didn't start this fire. Tim
17:14
Speaker 2: was going on a cruise that sailed from Seattle, and
17:16
Speaker 2: so he and his family spent one night at Angie's
17:19
Speaker 2: house so she could drive them to the dock in
17:21
Speaker 2: the morning.
17:22
Speaker 6: You know, this is a mad dash rush to get
17:24
Speaker 6: them to the cruise ship. It wasn't like we had
17:27
Speaker 6: planned a breakfast we had decided that morning. Are we
17:29
Speaker 6: gonna go grab something at Jack in the Box or
17:31
Speaker 6: do we have time to go to the restaurant?
17:34
Speaker 2: In her telling like she didn't even know that the
17:36
Speaker 2: family was stopping in Seattle.
17:39
Speaker 6: Oh yes she did, yes, Oh yeah, Okay, then there
17:43
Speaker 6: was another incident while we were all in Seattle.
17:46
Speaker 2: One by one, Angie refutes each of Annie's stories of exclusion,
17:50
Speaker 2: and hearing Angie's take on the whole thing, it does
17:53
Speaker 2: all sound like a big overreaction. It makes me wonder
17:56
Speaker 2: whether Annie, to quote Billy Eilish, is the bad guy.
18:01
Speaker 6: There's always drama surrounding Annie. She's really got in her
18:07
Speaker 6: mind that we just are totally cutting her out, when
18:10
Speaker 6: from my perspective, we're not cutting her out.
18:20
Speaker 2: After getting off the phone, I don't know whether to
18:23
Speaker 2: believe what Annie said or what Annie said, I would
18:26
Speaker 2: need some sort of tiebreaker. I'd need to hear from
18:29
Speaker 2: more family. So to turn this she said, she said
18:33
Speaker 2: into what she said she said? She said? She said,
18:36
Speaker 2: I call Annie's daughter Savannah.
18:38
Speaker 11: I'm at work, but I'm totally free right now. But
18:41
Speaker 11: if someone comes in only to.
18:42
Speaker 2: Take care of them and Annie's sister Jamie.
18:46
Speaker 5: Dealing with my own drama over here, my fiance of
18:48
Speaker 5: nine and a half years.
18:49
Speaker 6: Has moved out.
18:50
Speaker 2: Oh god, I'm sorry to hear that.
18:53
Speaker 5: Well, I'm not.
18:56
Speaker 2: My sister's drama. Everyone in Nannie's family speaks of a
19:00
Speaker 2: similar affect. Talking to them feels a bit like watching
19:03
Speaker 2: one of those movies where Jim Carrey plays eight roles.
19:07
Speaker 2: I asked, Savannah, is this happening or not? Is any
19:11
Speaker 2: being excluded from plans with Tim?
19:14
Speaker 3: Oh?
19:14
Speaker 2: Definitely. I asked Jamie the same question.
19:20
Speaker 5: They come out a lot and they don't invite her.
19:24
Speaker 2: Are you getting invited to this stuff?
19:26
Speaker 5: Nope, not even a little bit.
19:29
Speaker 2: Do you? Does it bother you?
19:31
Speaker 6: No?
19:32
Speaker 11: I do not care. I definitely have one of those
19:36
Speaker 11: personalities that if if someone doesn't want to involve me,
19:40
Speaker 11: I'm just kind of like, okay, don't with the door
19:42
Speaker 11: hit you or the good Lord split yet, but my
19:44
Speaker 11: mom kind of gets like, hey, wait, but but why not?
19:48
Speaker 11: Why why don't you want to hang.
19:49
Speaker 6: Out with me?
19:50
Speaker 11: Or like what what's going on? Hold on, have a
19:54
Speaker 11: good one.
19:55
Speaker 2: Where do you work? By the way, Seattle sun tan
19:59
Speaker 2: Oh it's it like a tanning place. Yes, it's Seattle
20:06
Speaker 2: Suntana tanning place. I can't. I believe this family's happiness
20:10
Speaker 2: rests in my hands. As for Jamie, she says she's
20:16
Speaker 2: too busy for any additional plans.
20:19
Speaker 5: Somebody called me and said, hey, you want to go
20:20
Speaker 5: to great well, I'd be like, no, not to day,
20:22
Speaker 5: definitely not tomorrow. It's like I'm chasing kids through hockey games.
20:27
Speaker 5: I want to be and have been that mom who
20:30
Speaker 5: has been to every hockey game, and me and other moms,
20:35
Speaker 5: we will tell you like, there's no family like hockey family.
20:39
Speaker 2: But unfortunately for Annie, she doesn't have a hockey family.
20:43
Speaker 2: She's stuck with just a boring, old family family. Her
20:46
Speaker 2: siblings have spouses, little kids, whole sports teams of community.
20:51
Speaker 2: Annie's a single mom. Her daughter is twenty now, already
20:55
Speaker 2: out of the house and forging her own life. One
20:58
Speaker 2: of the few people Annie's always had to turn to
21:01
Speaker 2: is Tim, and now it feels like she doesn't even
21:05
Speaker 2: have him. Baseball season is starting soon, and Tim always
21:12
Speaker 2: visits Seattle to see the Mariners play. So I decide
21:15
Speaker 2: I'll fight to Seattle at the same time, coordinate a plan.
21:18
Speaker 2: Annie is a part of I mean, the whole gang
21:20
Speaker 2: can get together for a nice breakfast at Patty's Egg's
21:23
Speaker 2: Nest where I can order a Fortata with hash Browns
21:26
Speaker 2: and an English muffin. I just have to coordinate the
21:28
Speaker 2: timing with Annie and book my plane.
21:30
Speaker 8: Ticket right travel plan.
21:32
Speaker 2: I'm a little paranoid. I'm like gonna get stuck there
21:35
Speaker 2: with all this virus stuff going on. Oh ho ho,
21:39
Speaker 2: this virus stuff. That conversation was recorded at the end
21:44
Speaker 2: of February twenty twenty. A month and a half later,
21:52
Speaker 2: and I've purchased an office chair for my bedroom, hoarded
21:54
Speaker 2: cant goods and toilet paper, texted all my contacts how
21:57
Speaker 2: are you holding up? Learned what zoom is, started having
22:00
Speaker 2: my groceries delivered, stopped doing laundry, cried in every room
22:02
Speaker 2: of my apartment, and finally, I, along with everyone else,
22:05
Speaker 2: I'm realizing this is not going to go away. In
22:07
Speaker 2: a week or a month or even a year, and
22:10
Speaker 2: in the meantime we have to continue to exist, and
22:12
Speaker 2: part of existing is sorting through the important issues like
22:15
Speaker 2: why you weren't invited to breakfast at Patty's Egg's Nest.
22:23
Speaker 2: And so I email Annie and ask for her uncle's
22:25
Speaker 2: phone number. It's time to go directly to the source
22:28
Speaker 2: of her troubles. I figure if I call Tim alone
22:31
Speaker 2: without Annie on the line, to blow up at him,
22:34
Speaker 2: I can get him to speak candidly about why he
22:36
Speaker 2: hasn't been including Annie. Annie sends me the number and
22:40
Speaker 2: says that Tim is hard of hearing, so I might
22:42
Speaker 2: have to shout for a while. I do nothing. Every
22:47
Speaker 2: time I think about calling an elderly dairy farmer to
22:49
Speaker 2: yell at him, I feel sick. But as the weeks
22:52
Speaker 2: go by, not calling just makes me feel worse, and finally,
22:56
Speaker 2: when my anxiety reaches an absolute fever, pitch.
23:04
Speaker 4: Hello.
23:06
Speaker 2: Hi Is this Tim? Yes, Hi, this is I try
23:10
Speaker 2: to put Tim at his ease, explaining how I work
23:13
Speaker 2: on this podcast about helping people, and it's usually hosted
23:16
Speaker 2: by this guy, Jonathan. But Jonathan thinks it's high time
23:18
Speaker 2: I learned a good lesson about personal resilience, and as
23:21
Speaker 2: I bother on, I keep hoping Tim will cut me off,
23:24
Speaker 2: but he does not. Yeah. So, like, so, your niece
23:30
Speaker 2: Annie actually had reached out to us about some stuff
23:33
Speaker 2: sort of that's going on with your family. Do you
23:35
Speaker 2: have any idea what I'm referring to? Uh No, this
23:43
Speaker 2: whole incident with this breakfast. Do you remember this.
23:49
Speaker 4: Slightly?
23:51
Speaker 2: Whereas Annie has poured over the details a million times.
23:54
Speaker 2: All Tim remembers is that Annie got mad about something
23:57
Speaker 2: or other.
23:58
Speaker 7: Can you tell me what her perspective was what we
24:01
Speaker 7: did to her?
24:01
Speaker 1: Yeah?
24:02
Speaker 2: Sure, I mean, like I think from her perspective, Yeah,
24:05
Speaker 2: she just feels left out, Like she feels like there's
24:08
Speaker 2: sort of a pattern. Look at me explaining a problem
24:11
Speaker 2: head on instead of just nervously avoiding it and like
24:13
Speaker 2: to have you come to town and not tell her and
24:16
Speaker 2: make time to see her. I think she just like
24:18
Speaker 2: to her it does feel more personal.
24:21
Speaker 4: I love Annie to death.
24:23
Speaker 7: I mean, from the time Annie was a teenager, me
24:26
Speaker 7: and Annie we have got along really well.
24:31
Speaker 4: I hope she's ain't got something against me.
24:34
Speaker 7: I would never intentionally make any films bad ever, And
24:39
Speaker 7: I hate to hear that she's going over this still,
24:45
Speaker 7: I haven't talked to her for quite a while, and
24:49
Speaker 7: now I know I need to, so.
24:57
Speaker 2: In an effort to get the reconciliation train chugging along,
25:00
Speaker 2: I suggest to Tim that we turned to the thing
25:03
Speaker 2: so many of us have turned to in these difficult times.
25:06
Speaker 2: Let's do a zoom.
25:07
Speaker 4: I did try one of them zoom or whatever they are.
25:10
Speaker 7: Called meetings, and I did not like it a bit.
25:14
Speaker 4: I have trouble hearing.
25:15
Speaker 7: And the joke has been boy, I love to keep
25:19
Speaker 7: Uncle Tim on the phone more than five minutes, because
25:21
Speaker 7: I know he's going crazy just trying to hear. I
25:25
Speaker 7: hate electronics myself, but no, I'm going to give Anny.
25:29
Speaker 7: I'll call her and just talk to her, and if
25:32
Speaker 7: I can do anything else for you, I'll do anything
25:37
Speaker 7: for Annie.
25:43
Speaker 2: Time to sit back and wait for the Catharsist to
25:45
Speaker 2: roll in. The Only problem is it doesn't, not by
25:51
Speaker 2: a long shot. After speaking with Tim, I told Annie
26:08
Speaker 2: to expect his call, but for days she heard nothing.
26:12
Speaker 12: At first, I was kind of like, what the hell?
26:14
Speaker 12: I would have called my niece right away, and then
26:16
Speaker 12: I kind of, you know, I kind of circled back
26:18
Speaker 12: into like, oh, he must be really trying to come
26:20
Speaker 12: up with like a thoughtful response to me. You know,
26:23
Speaker 12: maybe he's just feeling really bad.
26:26
Speaker 2: And then Tim did call, Oh, he called my mother.
26:33
Speaker 2: After speaking to me, Tim reached out not to Annie
26:36
Speaker 2: but to Annie's mom, his middleman, Angie. Angie spoke with
26:41
Speaker 2: Tim the same way she did with me, contradicting Annie's
26:43
Speaker 2: timeline and basically reminding Tim of how dramatic Annie can be.
26:48
Speaker 2: And in Angie's telling, I'd become an extension of this drama. Apparently,
26:54
Speaker 2: Angie and Tim call me the podcast lady. I hope
27:00
Speaker 2: I'm not like making things worse by calling this.
27:04
Speaker 12: This is always how, this is what, this is what
27:06
Speaker 12: it is, and this is why I emailed in the beginning.
27:17
Speaker 2: I'm out of my depth. So I call up the
27:19
Speaker 2: person who got me into this mess to begin with, Hello, Jonathan.
27:25
Speaker 3: Hey, Hoggie wants to say, Hi, Hi.
27:28
Speaker 2: Agye, how are you good? Glad to hear what's up?
27:34
Speaker 10: Well?
27:35
Speaker 2: You know I'm doing that anything that you told me to.
27:39
Speaker 1: Do today's episode, right? Any mm hmm.
27:45
Speaker 2: I basically I thought things were going pretty well and
27:50
Speaker 2: now things are not going well. I explained the whole
27:53
Speaker 2: fiasco to Jonathan Mike called it Tim. Tim's called a
27:57
Speaker 2: angie my now being the podcast lady.
27:59
Speaker 3: So they see they see her contacting a podcast as
28:04
Speaker 3: kind of a dramatic flourish, right, right, So you're at
28:07
Speaker 3: that point where you feel like you're making things worse,
28:09
Speaker 3: not better. See, it's very familiar to me. It's it's
28:12
Speaker 3: always uh, there is always that risk. Sometimes it just
28:17
Speaker 3: takes time. I think that's the thing, Like that's the
28:21
Speaker 3: the money loser of our operation. I think it's just
28:26
Speaker 3: you can't rush these things. Do you call him Uncle
28:29
Speaker 3: Tim when you talk to Annie? No, well maybe that's
28:33
Speaker 3: the problem. You have to become embedded as one of
28:36
Speaker 3: the family, and a part of that is referring to
28:38
Speaker 3: him as uncle Tim.
28:39
Speaker 2: I'm not going to do that.
28:41
Speaker 1: John, you see too much go game. Did you know
28:45
Speaker 1: that John Stewart's middle name was Stuart? Is that his
28:49
Speaker 1: real last name is Leeboys?
28:50
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, but this is great. I mean this is
28:54
Speaker 3: great for me. It's like I'm on holiday. I've put
28:57
Speaker 3: a pin in this whole cat's in the cradle situation.
28:59
Speaker 3: I'm spending much more time with Ougi and it's just
29:01
Speaker 3: been it's been fabulous. Aggy I think you should maybe
29:05
Speaker 3: put that down, Honey, that's not a toy. He's holding
29:10
Speaker 3: a big mallet.
29:14
Speaker 1: Well, anyway, I hope.
29:15
Speaker 2: So does this help? So you're saying, give it a
29:18
Speaker 2: few days to play.
29:19
Speaker 1: Out, Yeah, give it, give it a few days.
29:27
Speaker 2: I give it a few days, then a few more days,
29:30
Speaker 2: then a few more, then a few weeks. Just to
29:33
Speaker 2: be safe. I talked to your uncle a month ago. Yeah,
29:38
Speaker 2: he said he was gonna call you and nothing. Jonathan
29:43
Speaker 2: told me to give it time. The time has gotten
29:46
Speaker 2: me nowhere. So I gear myself up to be the
29:49
Speaker 2: pushiest I've ever been in my life, and the sweatiest
29:53
Speaker 2: and the highest pitched.
29:55
Speaker 1: Hi.
29:55
Speaker 2: Tim, Yes, Hi, this is Khalila who's recording with a
30:02
Speaker 2: podcast with Annie. Do you remember me?
30:05
Speaker 4: Oh?
30:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just had been checking in with Annie and
30:08
Speaker 2: she said that she hadn't.
30:10
Speaker 4: She hasn't heard from me.
30:13
Speaker 2: Do you want to just try calling her together? Right now?
30:16
Speaker 4: Actually?
30:17
Speaker 7: I am actually I am just walking out the.
30:21
Speaker 4: Door to go to work.
30:22
Speaker 2: Okay. It doesn't have to be today either, Like so,
30:26
Speaker 2: I'm open to whatever is best for you. If there's
30:28
Speaker 2: another day that's better, well, uh, I don't know.
30:36
Speaker 4: I can't.
30:36
Speaker 7: I haven't thought about that right now. So actually I'm
30:40
Speaker 7: in a real hurry right now.
30:42
Speaker 2: So and Tim's supposed to be a Mariners fan more
30:46
Speaker 2: like a Dodgers fan. Am I right?
30:48
Speaker 3: Am?
30:48
Speaker 2: I right? Two weeks later, I checked back in with Danny.
30:58
Speaker 2: You didn't happen to hear from your uncles to do you? No? No,
31:01
Speaker 2: he didn't call. No, it's not going to happen. Having
31:06
Speaker 2: spoken with Tim, I'm not exactly feeling like a ray
31:09
Speaker 2: of optimism myself. But while Annie is one hundred percent
31:13
Speaker 2: certain Tim has written her off, I'm only ninety seven
31:17
Speaker 2: percent certain. I don't want her to slam the door
31:20
Speaker 2: just yet. It's gonna happen.
31:23
Speaker 8: Yeah, right, if it's gonna get off the ground, I mean,
31:27
Speaker 8: it's definitely gonna have to be as But that's okay.
31:33
Speaker 2: It's not okay to me, And I don't think it's
31:35
Speaker 2: really okay to Annie. If Annie's the one to reach out,
31:39
Speaker 2: she'll just be playing into the same dynamic as always,
31:42
Speaker 2: showing up at the table and begging for scraps. So
31:45
Speaker 2: I encourage Annie to just wait. But a week goes by,
31:49
Speaker 2: and another and then another, and I start to feel
31:52
Speaker 2: like Annie was right her uncle will never.
31:54
Speaker 7: Call Annie trying to get a hold of you.
32:02
Speaker 4: Call me.
32:03
Speaker 8: I didn't hear my phone ring or anything. And then weirdly,
32:05
Speaker 8: it just came through on my watch that had this
32:07
Speaker 8: voicemail from uncle Tim, and I was like, my heart
32:10
Speaker 8: just went boom.
32:12
Speaker 2: Annie had been with friends watching the movie Burlesque when finally,
32:16
Speaker 2: out of the blue, Tim called. Amidst the excitement of
32:20
Speaker 2: Chaer yelling at Christina Aguilera to make the stage her own.
32:24
Speaker 2: One of Annie's friends asked her what was up. I
32:27
Speaker 2: was like, no, it's just my uncle.
32:29
Speaker 8: And my one friend goes the one that doesn't talk
32:31
Speaker 8: to you, and I was like, yeah, well, I guess
32:35
Speaker 8: he is trying to talk to me. And I've spent
32:38
Speaker 8: this whole time like thinking that I'm not really like
32:42
Speaker 8: worth a call. So I was glad to know that
32:44
Speaker 8: he had called, and so then when I heard his voice,
32:47
Speaker 8: I was like kind of emotional because I haven't like
32:50
Speaker 8: talked to him in so long.
32:53
Speaker 2: At this point, it's been almost a year since Annie
32:56
Speaker 2: and her uncle last spoke. We decide Sunday is the
32:59
Speaker 2: day that's when we'll call Tim back, but then Annie
33:04
Speaker 2: pushes it to Monday. I'm really nervous, she tells me.
33:08
Speaker 2: On Monday, she cancels last minute. Annie's now feeling something
33:13
Speaker 2: different than she's used to. It's not anger, something she
33:16
Speaker 2: can yell her way through. Instead, Annie's feeling vulnerable, and
33:21
Speaker 2: that's scarier. I finally get her to commit to Tuesday.
33:30
Speaker 2: Tuesday will be a better day anyway, Annie says, because
33:33
Speaker 2: Tuesday is Tim's birthday. To me, a birthday is a
33:38
Speaker 2: worse day. Instead of gifting the poor man a nice
33:41
Speaker 2: pair of socks or something, Annie's going to usher the
33:44
Speaker 2: podcast lady on stage like an unwanted birthday clown. Nevertheless,
33:49
Speaker 2: on Uncle Tim's birthday, I procure a for Tata. I
33:53
Speaker 2: tell Annie to get a breakfast too. We can all
33:55
Speaker 2: eat on the call and pretend to be at Patty's
33:57
Speaker 2: Eggs Nest together. But when I get on the line
34:00
Speaker 2: with Annie, her Fortata plate is for tatalus.
34:04
Speaker 8: I have not even eaten like today. I'm totally freaking out.
34:08
Speaker 8: I cannot believe I'm doing this. Okay, I'm ready, Shall
34:13
Speaker 8: we do it?
34:15
Speaker 2: Okay?
34:18
Speaker 10: Wait?
34:20
Speaker 1: Okay go Hello Hi Uncle Tim?
34:34
Speaker 4: Hello, how are.
34:35
Speaker 2: You happy birthday?
34:38
Speaker 4: Well? Thank you?
34:40
Speaker 2: Khalila is on this call too, Hi, Hi, Tim.
34:46
Speaker 4: What did you just say?
34:48
Speaker 2: I said, Khalila's on this call too. Hi, It's a okay.
34:55
Speaker 2: I just want to talk to you.
34:56
Speaker 1: If that's okay, that's that's fine.
35:01
Speaker 2: I feel like.
35:07
Speaker 8: Sometimes like I feel like I'm genuinely like her and
35:10
Speaker 8: upset about sometimes when everyone's getting together and I feel
35:14
Speaker 8: kind of left out or like an afterthought when everyone
35:18
Speaker 8: is like going out. But I just wanted to tell
35:20
Speaker 8: you about it because I feel like there's maybe like
35:27
Speaker 8: two people on the planet that like really get me,
35:30
Speaker 8: and like I feel like you're my person, especially after
35:34
Speaker 8: my dad died. You were like basically a father to me,
35:37
Speaker 8: and I always even even like I always wanted you
35:39
Speaker 8: to be my dad because I love you so much.
35:46
Speaker 2: So that's why I feel like when I'm not included.
35:48
Speaker 8: I know that I'm rambling, but I feel like when
35:50
Speaker 8: I'm just not included sometimes it just like I do
35:54
Speaker 8: feel sad.
35:58
Speaker 7: Well, it was an intentional and I hope it never
36:03
Speaker 7: happens again.
36:05
Speaker 4: So anyway, Tim.
36:09
Speaker 2: Wants to sweep the mess of Annie's feelings under the rug,
36:13
Speaker 2: but before he just moves on, I raised the question
36:16
Speaker 2: and he brought to me in the first place. Annie,
36:18
Speaker 2: can I ask too, Like it seems like part of
36:21
Speaker 2: it was that you were afraid that it was something
36:23
Speaker 2: about your personality. Yeah.
36:26
Speaker 8: I have felt like that, like if people don't want
36:29
Speaker 8: me around because I'm too loud, or it's like there's
36:31
Speaker 8: something about me that people are like offended by.
36:36
Speaker 7: Oh, I can tell you if you're not like pissed
36:39
Speaker 7: at somebody, we all know you're the funnest to be around, right,
36:45
Speaker 7: but when you get like you're like mad at somebody,
36:49
Speaker 7: it's not like the sweetest to be around.
36:52
Speaker 2: Then all that clattering is coming from Annie's side of
36:59
Speaker 2: the call. She started pacing around, organizing her toilet trace.
37:04
Speaker 2: She's agitated by what Tim is saying. Annie's willing to
37:11
Speaker 2: call people out no matter the consequences. But there are consequences.
37:16
Speaker 2: It seems Tim's distance has nothing to do with Annie's
37:19
Speaker 2: being gay, or not being Mormon or having been a
37:21
Speaker 2: teen mom. It might simply be that generally people just
37:26
Speaker 2: want to eat their eggs in peace and pretend like
37:28
Speaker 2: everything's fine. But even though Tim's criticism hurts, Annie doesn't
37:33
Speaker 2: do what she usually does. She doesn't unleash her anger.
37:38
Speaker 8: I do feel really bad about the I think that
37:41
Speaker 8: when everybody was at breakfast. I was just shocked and
37:45
Speaker 8: I used to right up flipped out. I was so
37:48
Speaker 8: upset and so like, you know, I'm sorry that I
37:52
Speaker 8: obviously didn't handle it very well. I've am in a
37:55
Speaker 8: better place. And if we're being honest, medicated and so wait,
38:03
Speaker 8: I know I'm not perfect, That's that's all.
38:12
Speaker 2: And yeah, Tim stays quiet for a moment, and when
38:17
Speaker 2: he speaks, it's not to Annie but to me. Much
38:21
Speaker 2: as he might resent my presence, Tim like always chooses
38:25
Speaker 2: to go through a middleman.
38:27
Speaker 7: Well, and as far as Annie goes, she's just always
38:31
Speaker 7: been special to me.
38:33
Speaker 4: The first time she's.
38:34
Speaker 7: Going to get married, that's going to give her away,
38:37
Speaker 7: you know, I says, yeah, I'll buy me a new suit.
38:40
Speaker 7: I'll do anything for you, and anyway, and then he
38:45
Speaker 7: was cheating on her or something. A few years later,
38:48
Speaker 7: she says, you're going to give me away, and I says,
38:50
Speaker 7: you bet, And she says, well, does it matter if
38:52
Speaker 7: I'm marrying a girl? And I says, Annie, if boys
38:55
Speaker 7: don't work, girls are fine for me.
38:57
Speaker 4: I'll do anything for you. And I feel like she's
39:05
Speaker 4: my daughter.
39:07
Speaker 7: I've loved Annie since she's just a little girl, and
39:10
Speaker 7: we've always just connected, my little dippy girl. I mean
39:17
Speaker 7: I've I've laid for hours on Annie's bed and just
39:20
Speaker 7: you know, and hell there.
39:21
Speaker 4: And we could talk about anything or not say anything.
39:26
Speaker 4: I've never thought bad of Annie.
39:29
Speaker 2: Then suddenly, mid sentence, Tim addresses Annie directly.
39:34
Speaker 4: I've never thought of leaving you out. I know if
39:36
Speaker 4: you feel bad, that it.
39:39
Speaker 7: If you're feeling bad, especially when I'm talking to you,
39:42
Speaker 7: it really makes me feel bad.
39:44
Speaker 4: So I know.
39:48
Speaker 2: I just I love you Tim a lot.
39:52
Speaker 8: Definitely missed hearing your voice, and I feel like we
39:56
Speaker 8: haven't talked in so long, and so it got to.
39:59
Speaker 7: Make more effort to even talk like this because it
40:03
Speaker 7: is nice to hear your voice too.
40:05
Speaker 2: Well, that makes me better. It's not a break, it's
40:09
Speaker 2: invitation a baseball game or even a zoom. But despite
40:13
Speaker 2: the fact that Tim hates being on the phone for
40:15
Speaker 2: more than five minutes, he's still here talking.
40:19
Speaker 8: I think this is the longest I've talked to you
40:22
Speaker 8: over the phone.
40:24
Speaker 4: I wish I'd give you a big squeeze right now,
40:27
Speaker 4: me too.
40:29
Speaker 8: Maybe next time that you guys come down, we'll just
40:31
Speaker 8: plan something just for me and you to do.
40:35
Speaker 4: Yes, we will. I love you.
40:39
Speaker 2: I love you too. Thank you for talking to me.
40:42
Speaker 4: I will talk to you anytime. You know that. Love
40:47
Speaker 4: you Annie, love you.
40:49
Speaker 10: See ye bye bye.
41:02
Speaker 2: We did it, We did it. I'm disappointed. And now
41:06
Speaker 2: there's a pandemic and we can't go to Patty's Eggs,
41:09
Speaker 2: which I really wanted to go out.
41:13
Speaker 8: Right as they like play us out, silver ware clinking
41:18
Speaker 8: around in the background.
41:20
Speaker 2: Yeah I can hear it now.
41:22
Speaker 8: Yeah, I just park in the grass. Oh no, I'm
41:24
Speaker 8: moving on.
41:25
Speaker 2: My date's here. All right, you got a lot going on.
41:28
Speaker 2: I won't keep you. Thank you for everything. I'll talk
41:31
Speaker 2: to you later. All right, talk to you later. And
41:35
Speaker 2: with that, I settled down at my desk alone to
41:37
Speaker 2: finish eating my fritata, a fritata delivered to my apartment
41:41
Speaker 2: cold and in a coffee soaked bag. But rather than
41:45
Speaker 2: kick up a fuss, I thank the delivery man profusely
41:49
Speaker 2: and tipped him generously. Like all of us, he's probably
41:53
Speaker 2: just doing his best, just enjoying my breakfast. Now that the.
42:45
Speaker 9: Fern ures Riff turned into its.
42:48
Speaker 10: Goodwill home, now that the last month's raft is scheming.
42:57
Speaker 2: With the damage to pos, take this moment to dissolve,
43:04
Speaker 2: if we message, if we talked.
43:09
Speaker 1: Around for far too, Thanks Good Accid.
43:20
Speaker 2: This episode of Heavyweight was produced by me Khalila Holt
43:23
Speaker 2: along with Stevie Lane, An Armchair Colonel Jonathan Goldstein. Special
43:27
Speaker 2: thanks to Emily Condon, Alex Bloomberg, Matilda Fellino, Nea Bloomfield,
43:32
Speaker 2: I'm a Monger, Zach Schmidt, Sam Riceman, and Jackie Cohen.
43:36
Speaker 2: Bobby Lord mixed the episode with original music by Christine Fellows,
43:40
Speaker 2: John K. Sampson, and Bobby Lord. Additional music credits can
43:44
Speaker 2: be found on our website, gimlipmedia dot com slash Heavyweight.
43:48
Speaker 2: Our theme song is by the Weaker Bands, courtesy of
43:50
Speaker 2: Epitaph Records. Follow us on Twitter at Heavyweight or email
43:54
Speaker 2: us at Heavyweight at gimlipmedia dot com. We'll have a
43:57
Speaker 2: new episode next week