Latest / Smart Business Growth with Nicky Miklós / Mastering Your Core Needs for the Sake of Time Freedom

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Mastering Your Core Needs for the Sake of Time Freedom · Smart Business Growth with Nicky Miklós

• 0:04
  Nicky: Welcome to Thrive in Business Together with Nicky and Ness.
• 0:11
  Ness: We would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of country, the Yagura and Wurundjeri people of Brisbane and Melbourne respectively, where Nicky and I both work and live.
• 0:21
  Ness: If you're a regular listener of our podcast, you may remember back to episode 15, where Nicky did a solo episode all about six core needs and how they can help you create a business by design.
• 0:40
  Ness: Today we wanted to take that to a deeper level and to a level around looking at how you can really utilize these six core needs to be able to create some time freedom in your business, in your life, and particularly to understand how knowing your core needs and how you're fulfilling them is helping you to get the boundaries that you need in place to ensure that you have this time freedom and you're out of that busy trap.
• 1:10
  Ness: Probably a really good starting point will be just to rehash what those six core needs are, particularly if you haven't listened to episode 15 yet, if you do jump back and have a listen at some point.
• 1:20
  Ness: This is from Tony Robbins, who's kind of a guru in the coaching space.
• 1:24
  Ness: For those non-coachy people, he developed this back in the 80s or 90s, I think it was, and really six core needs is like we need to have these things.
• 1:36
  Ness: Probably not a great word, but we need to have this met every single day in our lives.
• 1:42
  Ness: I like to think of it as we need to breathe oxygen every day in order to live, but we don't walk around going.
• 1:48
  Ness: I breathe in now and now.
• 1:50
  Ness: I breathe out and now I'm alive.
• 1:52
  Ness: It just happens automatically.
• 1:54
  Ness: I like to think of six core needs just happening automatically in the background.
• 1:57
  Ness: They can be their opposites, but they're kind of the same.
• 2:03
  Ness: The first two, for example you'll get to see what I mean by that are certainty and uncertainty.
• 2:08
  Ness: We all need certainty in our worlds, because that's just a human nature, but some of us also need a higher level of variety, adventure, fun.
• 2:18
  Ness: I like to think of it as an old fashioned scale.
• 2:21
  Ness: You're going to have one sitting a little bit higher than the other, depending on lots of things about how you enjoy your world.
• 2:29
  Ness: It's either going to be driven more by certainty or uncertainty.
• 2:33
  Ness: Too much certainty is boredom, too much uncertainty is stress, so you've got to find your balance.
• 2:40
  Ness: The next two also sit on scales side by side, and it's a connection my goodness, it's just jumped out of my hand, nick.
• 2:48
  Ness: What is it?
• 2:48
  Ness: Significance, significance, significance and connections.
• 2:52
  Ness: So every single human being on the planet has a need for significance.
• 2:58
  Ness: It's about validation, it's about being acknowledged, it's about being heard, feeling important.
• 3:04
  Ness: We all have that and so do we all have connection.
• 3:07
  Ness: We have to feel this sense of love, connection, belonging to ourselves and others, in order to be able to have a life and existence, but it's going to sit a little bit differently on a scale one to the other depending on who you are.
• 3:21
  Ness: And then the final two, which can really you can delve into when the others are met in a resourceful way growth and contribution, so that feeling that we are making a difference somewhere in the world, that ability to be able to give back.
• 3:35
  Ness: There are probably more needs of the spirit, but the first four definitely have to be a need that you have fulfilled, and sometimes we can do it in a really sustainable, healthy way, and other days we're just going to do it in a really unresourceful way.
• 3:48
  Ness: So one of the key aspects about this that I love listening to you talk about, nick, is where we bring in this concept of primary vehicles.
• 3:58
  Ness: So do you want to elaborate a little bit more on what you mean, or we mean, by primary vehicles?
• 4:05
  Nicky: Absolutely.
• 4:06
  Nicky: This is one of my favorite topics and a primary vehicle, in essence, is when there's something in your life that meets all six core needs in a healthy, resourceful way.
• 4:18
  Nicky: And so what we mean by that is an example of say, we've all got a core need for variety adventure.
• 4:26
  Nicky: An unresourceful way of meeting that core need could be through drama or going out and drinking too much or binge watching Netflix Dynasty for the whole weekend two days in a row.
• 4:37
  Nicky: No, I've never done that.
• 4:38
  Nicky: No judgment there are unresourceful ways of fulfilling a core need for variety adventure, challenge, but resourceful ways, healthy ways, would be things like traveling, reading a good book but not reading it nonstop.
• 4:52
  Nicky: There's boundaries around it.
• 4:54
  Nicky: So I just wanted to quickly clarify what we mean by that unresourceful, resourceful or healthy, unhealthy.
• 4:59
  Nicky: And so when we have something in our lives that could be a relationship or different friendship groups or different relationships, it could be your work, it could be your business, it could be study, it could be hobbies, anything of the sort that fulfills all of those six core needs.
• 5:17
  Nicky: It gives you a sense of being challenged, there's a sense of certainty in terms of familiarity and perhaps routine and consistency, connection that fulfills a core need for connection.
• 5:29
  Nicky: Even if it's a solo thing like hiking could be fulfilling a core need for connection through connecting to nature or connecting to self.
• 5:37
  Nicky: I mean, one of my primary core needs at vehicles is crocheting.
• 5:40
  Nicky: That's with nobody else, but it's connection because I'm creating things for others and it's a beautiful creativity for myself.
• 5:48
  Nicky: Significance because I get to create something.
• 5:51
  Nicky: The contribution again I'm gifting, the growth I'm learning.
• 5:55
  Nicky: So even things like hiking and crocheting can be a primary vehicle as well, as our business is definitely a primary vehicle for me personally and for a lot of people as well.
• 6:07
  Nicky: But not everything in our life is a primary vehicle and the idea here is that the more primary vehicles we have in our lives, the more fulfilled we will be, the more satisfied we will be.
• 6:20
  Nicky: We could say the happier we'll be.
• 6:22
  Nicky: But it's not always about being happy, because life experiences are life experiences and there's always tragedy and trauma for everybody and adversity.
• 6:31
  Nicky: No one gets away with not experiencing those things.
• 6:34
  Nicky: It's just unique to how we experience it.
• 6:37
  Nicky: And we want to have more than one primary vehicle in place because not every primary vehicle will be with you forever, Not every friendship will be with you forever, and I like to use an example here and you would have either experienced this personally or you've seen a movie.
• 6:53
  Nicky: You've seen it in a movie somewhere.
• 6:55
  Nicky: A couple of classic examples could be you throw everything into your work.
• 6:58
  Nicky: Whether you're a business owner or a leader, Everything is your work.
• 7:01
  Nicky: It's a primary vehicle.
• 7:03
  Nicky: And if it's the only primary vehicle, what happens when that job disappears?
• 7:09
  Nicky: You get made redundant, the business closes down.
• 7:11
  Nicky: This is where you see people really fall in that hole and not be able to get back up If you have other primary vehicles in place.
• 7:20
  Nicky: It's not easy, it's still hard, it's still painful, but there is more momentum that can happen because you've got other things in life that fulfill your six core needs.
• 7:32
  Nicky: Some of you already have these things in place, but don't realize why.
• 7:36
  Nicky: It's that subconscious thing that you talked about even Ness at the beginning of this episode.
• 7:41
  Nicky: Anything else in terms of the primary vehicle, In terms of describing it, Ness, that's missing.
• 7:47
  Nicky: I feel like I'm rambling a bit again.
• 7:49
  Ness: No, I don't think there's anything missing.
• 7:50
  Ness: But just to add some other ideas to that, I know talking to business owners or to leaders in business and there's that whole thing around.
• 8:02
  Ness: Even in the work that they're doing, it can either fulfill those core needs or it doesn't, and so it could just be within your business.
• 8:12
  Ness: Maybe there's different parts of your business.
• 8:14
  Ness: Some of them are more satisfying than others and you don't understand why that is.
• 8:18
  Ness: So.
• 8:18
  Ness: Why do we do what we do, avoid what we don't want to do?
• 8:21
  Ness: Because this is fulfilling all of our needs and this isn't.
• 8:25
  Ness: And people are the same.
• 8:26
  Ness: Relationships are the same.
• 8:27
  Ness: Relationships with people who come and work for us.
• 8:31
  Ness: It might start with the opportunity to be able to meet their core needs all of them and that their job becomes a primary vehicle.
• 8:39
  Ness: But over time, if we don't follow through on what we say the culture is, and if we don't follow through on learning opportunities and growth opportunities, and if we don't provide some amount of certainty around what's expected of them, how to do their job, with a little bit of variety thrown in there to keep them interested, and if all of those don't come together, we can scratch our heads and wonder why somebody's leaving after a short period of time.
• 9:04
  Ness: We just invested all of this energy into skilling them up and having them on board, but we haven't stopped to think about are we helping them meet those core needs?
• 9:15
  Ness: Is this a primary vehicle for them?
• 9:18
  Ness: So I really see that sometimes people can become very quickly disengaged and it will depend on where your scale sits for each of them.
• 9:27
  Ness: Somebody's going to have a higher need for significance and someone's going to have a higher need for connection.
• 9:31
  Ness: Are you able to meet them where their needs are at?
• 9:35
  Ness: So definitely, you know, I think even within one of your primary vehicles, there can be so many other layers that fit in there.
• 9:45
  Nicky: Are you stuck in the busy trap or on Juggle Street being all things to all people despite having a team?
• 9:51
  Nicky: Or perhaps your business is feeling chaotic?
• 9:53
  Nicky: Do the mini-business health check to get 10 strategies in under 10 minutes so you can get time, freedom back, experience, peak performance and finally leverage smart growth in your business.
• 10:05
  Nicky: Head over to b2businesstogethercomau.
• 10:08
  Nicky: Forward slash health check and, if you're ready for us to help in a more hands-on way, email us at hello at businesstogethercomau and we'll set up a time to chat.
• 10:19
  Ness: Picking up on what you said in relation to if something happens in one area of your life and then not being able to cope as well when there isn't other things going on.
• 10:29
  Ness: You know, the classic that comes to mind is the story that you hear as a mother myself.
• 10:36
  Ness: There's some women in my age group who have perhaps not gone back to work, stayed at home to look after the kids and then their kids.
• 10:44
  Ness: They become empty nesters, like I am.
• 10:46
  Ness: Their kids grow up and move on and I invested so much into my role as a mother and a nurturer and it fulfilled so many of my core needs.
• 10:55
  Ness: But there's a transition phase we go through and so if it's a marriage that breaks down at the same time the children leave and you've been out of work for a long time and maybe your hobby has been based around your children and their sports and you know the people you connect with at the local footy or whatever you can really be in a position and I can understand how devastating that can be for people because they put all of that into the one area and that's such a harder place to get back up from.
• 11:24
  Ness: It's not say you can't, but it's at that point that you need to start to explore around.
• 11:29
  Ness: Well, I can't put everything into a relationship and just expect that my whole life that person has to meet all of my core needs.
• 11:36
  Ness: It's so unfair to the other person and also the same in our businesses.
• 11:43
  Ness: My business has to meet all of my core needs.
• 11:46
  Ness: Well, that's a lot of pressure on the business, because when we understand what drives our core needs, when we have a great balance around it, this is where it becomes so much easier to put boundaries in place.
• 11:57
  Nicky: And it might be that that relationship or that business, it does meet all the core needs, but the pressure comes when it's the only thing that's meeting all of those core needs.
• 12:07
  Nicky: It is possible for it to meet them, and this is what we want you to think about.
• 12:12
  Nicky: How many primary vehicles do you have?
• 12:16
  Nicky: How many primary vehicles?
• 12:17
  Nicky: I want you to start thinking about this as we're talking it through, because that's what Ness is talking about around the pressure.
• 12:23
  Nicky: It's unfair on the partner or the business if we expect all of our core needs to only come from that particular vehicle, and it's unfair for you as well, because that's where resentment can come in around.
• 12:37
  Nicky: Well, you're not meeting those, you're not going to understand the language, you're not meeting my core needs, but the feeling of, well, hang on, you're not giving me what I need as an example.
• 12:46
  Nicky: And every day there are scenarios where relationships change, loved ones are lost, relationships break up, work changes, you get injured and you can no longer do that sport.
• 12:58
  Nicky: That's another classic example.
• 13:00
  Nicky: So many things are continuously changing and that's why we are saying to you have a number of primary vehicles.
• 13:07
  Nicky: But I also want to point out not everything has to be a primary vehicle.
• 13:12
  Nicky: So what we also find is that, whilst it's great if your business is a primary vehicle and we were talking before we clicked record about this whole piece of loving your business that's great.
• 13:24
  Nicky: But what we find, even looking at it from your team point of view, or if you're a leader and you're not the business owner, your work amazing if it's a primary vehicle, but if it's not, that's okay.
• 13:35
  Nicky: You can still enjoy it and you have to make sure you have primary vehicles in other areas.
• 13:40
  Nicky: So I want to say this from a point of view of if you've got a team, they might not be as crazy excited and passionate about the business that you're creating.
• 13:48
  Nicky: That's just reality.
• 13:49
  Nicky: Yes, you're going to focus on things like the culture and the values of getting them along for the ride, but we also can't put that pressure on them so they can still be engaged as long as they do have primary vehicles in place holistically.
• 14:04
  Nicky: And, as Ness said, you can be proactive about sort of that checklist.
• 14:08
  Nicky: So don't put pressure on yourself that everything has to be a primary vehicle.
• 14:12
  Nicky: We don't want you to get all obsessive over this now.
• 14:15
  Nicky: You just need to have a good number of primary vehicles in different areas, because that's what's going to get you through the adversity, the hard times and simply enjoying life a little bit more, because, let's face it, it can be really hard.
• 14:29
  Nicky: I really like your analogy of the scaleness.
• 14:31
  Nicky: That removes this 100%.
• 14:35
  Nicky: It's like that harmony, I don't want to say it's balance.
• 14:40
  Ness: Absolutely.
• 14:41
  Ness: And I remember the example that when I was learning about these cornedes just related so much to me in past version of me, when I had bought my son home from hospital when I had him 21 and a bit years ago.
• 14:55
  Ness: And it's this whole thing around you have a crying baby and you fed it and you've changed it snappy, and you've changed it like you've done or you've done the checklist of certainty, and this baby still screaming, and so there's so much uncertainty goes through the roof as a new parent.
• 15:12
  Ness: So what do you do for me?
• 15:14
  Ness: Going clean the kitchen, let the baby cry, and clean the kitchen and I think we all have that in our work as well and I think about like, if, if there's.
• 15:25
  Ness: For me, certainty sits higher than uncertainty, so I'm more driven to have a need for certainty.
• 15:31
  Ness: So if I have a lot of work on, that's uncertain, that I haven't done before.
• 15:36
  Ness: I'm experiencing something new.
• 15:38
  Ness: It's challenging, all the things that you know, maybe the adventure, certainty sorry, the uncertainty of adventure and fun and all that like.
• 15:46
  Ness: To me that can be quite stressful.
• 15:48
  Ness: So what I do is look for certainty and so then I'll check emails or I'll be able to do some work.
• 15:54
  Ness: That is not important, but it makes me feel comfortable and it makes me feel better.
• 16:01
  Ness: So it's perhaps not as resourceful because I'm not moving on to do the things that are uncertain.
• 16:06
  Ness: And this is where procrastination strategies coming to play.
• 16:08
  Ness: And when you talked earlier in relation to you know we can meet it in a really healthy way or a really unhealthy way.
• 16:15
  Ness: So it we were, this is all going on.
• 16:19
  Ness: Just as I said, we don't go breathe in, breathe out.
• 16:21
  Ness: Now I'm alive.
• 16:23
  Ness: These things are all happening.
• 16:24
  Ness: So what I love about sharing this with people and for you as listeners is to start to go on.
• 16:31
  Ness: So maybe that's why I don't do that.
• 16:34
  Ness: For me, it's really easy to set a boundary on.
• 16:37
  Ness: You know, I finished work at a certain time on certain dates, because I go to the gym, because I know that that for me, is a primary vehicle and I do the classes, so I have certainty.
• 16:47
  Ness: But within the classes I do this, there's a variety and I enjoy that, and so understanding how that plays out for me might my whole exercise routine or gym, even walking in the mornings and starting a bit later.
• 17:00
  Ness: I take my dog for a walk.
• 17:02
  Ness: I get connection, I get certainty because we do the same track, a little bit of adventure, because we don't know who we're gonna encounter on our walk.
• 17:09
  Ness: You know that, definitely, looking at, you can look at anything through this lens and start to understand more about why you're doing what you're doing.
• 17:17
  Ness: And I think, when it comes to setting boundaries, if all your eggs are in one basket, you have one primary vehicle.
• 17:23
  Ness: Of course, it's gonna be difficult for you to set boundaries anywhere else in your life and what you might find is that the people that you need the most Aren't there for you because you haven't been available to them, because you put all your eggs in one basket.
• 17:37
  Ness: So there's so many different layers on this, but I think it's such a valuable conversation to be having, particularly if you're feeling that you're on your way to burnout and you're not sure how to get that time back.
• 17:50
  Ness: Really understanding where a mic or needs being met, do I have any gaps and what can I do to fill those gaps is such an important conversation.
• 17:59
  Nicky: Yeah, especially as we're talking about thriving and when you there's many elements that we have touched on for people to ponder around.
• 18:08
  Nicky: Do you have a limited number?
• 18:10
  Nicky: Is your work or one particular area your only primary vehicle?
• 18:14
  Nicky: Then we're here to say that that's a danger zone, so you need to find different primary vehicles.
• 18:20
  Nicky: That's what's going to help you thrive.
• 18:21
  Nicky: So what cycles do you need to break in order to re-establish old connections with friendship groups or hobbies or things that you enjoy?
• 18:31
  Nicky: What did you enjoy doing at a different part of your life?
• 18:34
  Nicky: You know that's a classic question.
• 18:36
  Nicky: What did you enjoy doing when you were a kid, but also when you were in your 20s, teenage or 30s assuming that you're over?
• 18:43
  Ness: that age.
• 18:44
  Nicky: What were the things that brought you joy?
• 18:45
  Nicky: Because they can be things that are primary vehicles, and some of them are really out and loud and out there.
• 18:51
  Nicky: But reading is an example of a primary vehicle when it's done resourcefully.
• 18:55
  Nicky: So are you in a danger zone?
• 18:57
  Nicky: Ie you only have one or two primary vehicles Is really something to consider.
• 19:02
  Nicky: Can your business become a primary vehicle?
• 19:05
  Nicky: And you're absolutely nailed it?
• 19:07
  Nicky: Because when we know what is important to us, we can prioritize and we can set boundaries.
• 19:12
  Nicky: So I would hazard a guess that if you're listening and you struggle setting boundaries and holding to them, this might be the reason why, as Anest said, you know that time for the gym, which is a primary vehicle for her, or you know that date night that I have with Jules nothing's going to cut into that because that's a primary vehicle, that's a boundary, and I'm prepared you know we don't just stick to the boundary in the moment we're preparing the day earlier, the couple of days, to make sure we've got that space that time.
• 19:42
  Nicky: So lots to ponder and think about.
• 19:45
  Nicky: Ness, what do you think is an actionable action that people can take in the next 24 hours around?
• 19:51
  Ness: this conversation?
• 19:52
  Ness: Yeah, absolutely.
• 19:53
  Ness: Well, I mean, it has to be coming back to identifying what are your top three primary vehicles.
• 20:00
  Ness: And if you're struggling to find three, our challenge to you is to really stop and consider what could be my third and what can I put energy into so really taking that reflective time?
• 20:13
  Ness: It's going to take you a lot of time.
• 20:15
  Ness: You probably even sit here as you're listening or standing or walking or whatever you're doing whilst you're listening to this podcast, you are already considering oh yeah, I wonder if that could be mine.
• 20:25
  Ness: That could be mine and my other layer that I would add to that is, if you do know what they are, have a think about are you being resourceful or un-resourceful with that?
• 20:34
  Ness: And what I mean by that is are you meeting it in a really healthy way or are you not meeting it in a healthy way?
• 20:41
  Ness: And one of the examples that comes to mind for that is you could be in a relationship with someone and things are going really, really, really well, and then, all of a sudden, someone starts an argument.
• 20:50
  Ness: You're like where did that come from?
• 20:51
  Ness: Somebody wanting to create a little bit of variety and a bit of drama, excitement.
• 20:57
  Ness: So, think about it through that filter as well.
• 21:00
  Ness: If you've got those top three, how do you make it in a really sustainable, healthy way, and what are the areas maybe that you're not?
• 21:10
  Nicky: I just I love that.
• 21:11
  Nicky: No, I want to add to that because this is actually something that I do roughly every six to 12 months minimum every year.
• 21:17
  Nicky: And I was just talking to a client recently and she did this exercise.
• 21:21
  Nicky: So I was like, right, I'm going to do it.
• 21:22
  Nicky: She said what about you, niki?
• 21:24
  Nicky: So I jumped on board with it and what I realized is that there were things that changed.
• 21:28
  Nicky: Some of those core primary vehicles stayed the same, but some of them actually changed and I chose.
• 21:34
  Nicky: I realized why there was almost a bit of resentment in showing up for something that I was doing that was a primary vehicle and I realized it was because it wasn't meeting all six core needs anymore.
• 21:45
  Nicky: It was getting a little bit repetitive and boring.
• 21:47
  Nicky: So I went you know what, I'm going to make a decision around that and just remove it because it's not fulfilling.
• 21:52
  Nicky: Or it might be that you don't remove it, but you just have more realistic expectations from whatever that thing is, that event, that relationship, for example.
• 22:03
  Nicky: So this can change, it can flow, it's something that is really worthwhile checking in to make sure that you feel like you're thriving, you're satisfied, there's joy in your life.
• 22:15
  Nicky: Because, again, this is what time freedom.
• 22:18
  Nicky: Time freedom is about flexibility, choice, doing things that bring you joy.
• 22:24
  Ness: Yeah, absolutely I love it.
• 22:26
  Ness: I love the soapbox right at the end.
• 22:28
  Ness: I trust that everybody listening is getting some value from this conversation and that you're off to ponder your top three primary vehicles and how you're achieving that, and maybe there's some that need to go to the curbside and be replaced.
• 22:42
  Ness: Thank you so much for listening.
• 22:44
  Ness: We will see you or you'll hear from us again next week.
• 22:48
  Ness: See you later.
• 22:49
  Ness: Bye.
• 22:50
  Nicky: Thanks for listening to today's EPP.
• 22:52
  Nicky: If you loved what you heard, find us on LinkedIn and let us know what you enjoyed.
• 22:56
  Nicky: Also, don't forget to rate and review and, of course, share this episode with your bizvesties.
• 23:02
  Nicky: Ness and I are obsessed with helping you break through your business and life barriers to get you to your next frontier of growth.
• 23:11
  Nicky: We bring two business minds and two perspectives into your business.
• 23:16
  Nicky: As the magician, I help connect the dots, see the possibilities and the hidden potential, and as the architect, ness turns those possibilities into practice, implementing plans and frameworks.
• 23:28
  Nicky: Because, let's face it, every vision needs a practical pathway to success.
• 23:33
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• 23:39
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• 23:42
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• 23:45
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• 23:49
  Nicky: Until next time, happy listening and here's to thriving in business and life.