Latest / Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge / What is NXIVM?

Transcript

What is NXIVM? · Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: This is Teddy. Hey guys, it's Teddy mellon camp here
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: and I have Sam Rubin joining me today for the
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: second jam packed episode of Teddy Podcast. It's genuinely jam
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: packed crazy, I mean jam packed. I mean we had
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: we had some learning curves of our our original font
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: on the podcast. Everybody thought it was Teddy peepoo instead
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: of Teddy pepod. So what they because we're spilling the
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: tea and everyone thought it was Teddy tepoo because of
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: the because apparently p o d all in caps looks
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: like Pooh. But we learned that the hard way. But
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: you know, we learned from our mistakes over here. Tepoo
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: is not a terrible name. You know what. I've spent
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: considerall time now in the studio with with Teddy, and
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: I can reveal that she has not evacuate fashion. I'm
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: going to try to keep that as a joke. Okay, perfect.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Today we're going to dig into a lot of things
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: that you want to know. I mean, I have become
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: obsessed with learning about Katherine Oxenburg and the Nexium sex cult,
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: and she's going to be joining us today along with
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: a lot of other things. I watched last night's keeping
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: up with Kardashians, and I'm with Scott here. He was
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: pissed about the spanking comment that Corey made. We got
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: to dig into that. Wow. So in lighter news, I mean,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: I need to have some red Carpet questions for you.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: I did this Terrence Howard interview on the Emmy Red Carpet.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: I mean, I need so much information on this because
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: I mean I googled some things like, you know, the
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Flower of Life, and Imma just came up that he
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: wasn't talking about. Well, you know, it was It was
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: funny because we actually had this perfectly lucid cut. We
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: do this red carpet show can letely live, which is
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: exactly how I prefer, and I like the idea that
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: you never know what's gonna come up. But we were
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: in a commercial break and he came up and we
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: had this, just as you and I are talking right now,
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: this very lucid conversation as parents do about health insurance
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: and the SAG after the Screen Actors Guild, American Federation
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: of Television Radio Artist health insurance. And you know one
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: I have four kids is you know you can go
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: to rehab a thousand times, but you can't get braces
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: for your kids. So like it's like I trade the
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: rehab thing and um. And he was saying and this
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: was so interesting and maybe you should have been a clue.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: He was talking about everything his character had been through.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Lucius had been through an empire, almost as if he goes,
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: was he in character at the moment? I don't know,
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: but he was like, well, you know, as you know,
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: I've lost a son, I've you know, had another jump
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: off a bridge, I had a baby with a baby mama.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: And I mean maybe that could be real life too,
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: and I need counseling, I need somebody on the set.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, we we won't. Can't you know,
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: can't you get that? He goes, you know, they don't
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: cover that? And then I said, she just a networks
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: fox at the production company. Imagine do they cover it?
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: And he's like, no, they don't. He was kind of
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: mad about that. And then you know that typical in
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: your ear three to one, Oh we're back. Oh so
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: he's already apped up. He was a little REVVD up,
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: and so the questions surrounding him had been and you know,
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: he's a very fine actor. You might remember hustle and
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: flowing a couple of things. The questions surrounding him was
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: he had announced that after he finishes these fifteen episodes
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: of Empire, he's done that he's not gonna act anymore.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: And so I was like, Hey, we're back in blah
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: blah blah. You know, Terrence Howard is here. Hey, Terence,
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: when you made reference to that, are you not coming
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: back for a while or forever? Which I thought was
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: a legit thing to say, And then he sort of well,
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: and then just goes well. Then he goes into like
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: all of this math and algebra, and and I'm like, listen,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: it's too early for this right now. As I that's
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: why I see everybody's outfits. Maybe a couple of snarky comments,
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: but this is a lot for me. And then what
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: was the thing about gravity and what was it gonna YouTube? Well,
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: he was he was talking about all and then I
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: I'll polish my own halo. So he's just going off
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: and in lieu of saying, you know, you're insane, what
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: are you talking about? I said, which I thought was
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: the right thing to say. I said, gee, that's a
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: big remark. I heard that, which I love, and then
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: he was like he that like almost fueled his ego.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Like he was like, oh, yeah it is. You want
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: to hear what else I gotta say? I mean, I've
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: got I've got YouTube things like I you know, I
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: want to prove gravity isn't a force. I'm like, I
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: tell my pregnant belly that because you know what it
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: feels like, whine. So anyway, he kind of went on,
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: and then you know, he was getting a star which
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: has since taking place on the Hollywood Walk of Fame,
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: and he said on Tuesday, when he gets that star,
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: he was gonna somehow eliminate all gravity from Saturn or
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: proved that sad and didn't require gravity or something, and
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: he was going to release a big tape on YouTube
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: and all of that, of course turned out not to
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: be happening. Not happening. And then I'm not familiar with
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: You'll know the word I'm about to say, but I'm
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: not familiar with the everything surrounding it. You you might
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: be a lot of people are texted and tweeted in
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Oh it's ayahuasca talking. Oh he's doing okay, So I
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: have heard of this. I I it's something where you
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: take a drug and it's supposed to rid you of
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: all of these negative energies, but you can also kind
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: of like trip out on it. Right, That's what I understand,
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: which like, for me, if that's even like a percent
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: chance is going to happen, it's gonna rid me of anything.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: But there's also the tripping out factor. I'm I'm good,
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: I'll keep my negative energy or my issues. You trip out,
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: hallucinate and no, no, I understand by the way, the beautiful,
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: the beautiful Amy sugarman um chiming in. Have you tried
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I've never even had some avolcohol, but I do think
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: I like the polite phrase it caused us you to
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: fully evacuate, you know what. I don't know that I
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: need to fully evacuate. I feel like I'm fine with
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: where I am. Some issues, you know, sometimes it comes
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: out and anger to happiness whatever. But okay, do you
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: think he may be tried this right before the Red
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Carpet what. I don't think he did that, But I
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: think people were saying that the language is such that
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: you know, Jesus when you when you're doing that, this
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: is what happened. This is the way they talk. So
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, that's intense. And then when
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: he walked away from you, were you trying to like
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: eavesdrop on his conversation with everybody else? You know what?
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Funnily enough, fashion wise, he looked fantastic. He had a
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: great vest and the vest tied in the back like
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: he was a pirate or something. It was a really
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: good outfit. Do we think that anybody like message him like, Hey,
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: I'm waiting for the info Tuesday, like where is that?
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Like I still want to know where. I was like gonna,
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: I was gonna watch it, but it wasn't there. It
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: wasn't there. No, And I thought, you know, when you
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: get these stars of the Walk of Fame and there's
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: kind of a formal ceremony, I thought surely somebody would
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: kind of shout out, maybe like Saturday at exactly. So, Yeah,
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: well that was one of those things where I was like,
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: you handled it like a champ. I probably would have
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: just sat there with like a dead pan expression and
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: just my mouth agape. But yeah, pretty crazy. Um do
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: we Is there any other little tidbits we really need
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: to know about that? About what like what your thoughts
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: on it? Are we just going with? I mean, I
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: I feel that that's one of those rare instances where
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: the tape is sort of self explanatory if you you know,
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: you you just see it. But but what was interesting
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: to me is frankly more than any of the Emmy winners,
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: more than anything else, that seemed to generate more headlines
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: than anything because I because I think that people people
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: love crazy. Well, I was gonna say people love crazy
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: or people love what they perceived as real. So that
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: was a real obviously an unscripted moment. You couldn't write
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: that stuff, You couldn't plan that, you couldn't remember it.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to read it and I can't. So I
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: think people kind of appreciated it. But it really traveled,
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: I mean just everywhere. Okay, um, so let's take a
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: little break now before we bring on Katherine Oxenberg, which
• 8:18
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• 8:27
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• 8:29
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• 8:32
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  Speaker 1: t E D d I at checkout. Okay, so now
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: we're here with Katherine Oxenberg, who has been speaking out
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: about her daughter's slaver role and Nexium and its secret society.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: I mean, I have been blown away about all this
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: for for years, but more importantly, like now, digging into
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: your story, your daughter's story. They each Hollywood Story airs
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: on Sunday, October six at ten PM, and I mean
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: my heart was just breaking reading the story, watching the
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Lifetime movie like everything I have been. I mean, I
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: have so many questions, but I was wondering if you
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: could give a little background just for our listeners and
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: then we'll kind of dive into the questions. So in
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: two thousand and eleven, I was introduced to what I
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: was told was a leadership program, personal development, personal development,
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: business kind of training. My daughter, my eldest daughter, India
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: at that point was ninety twenty, and I went to
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: an introduction. It was hosted by a gentleman called Mark Vicenti.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: Actually Sarah Edmondson was there as well, who's an actress,
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: but he I knew because he had made a movie
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: called What the Bleep? So he had And this is
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: how these groups, these that I call cults operate. They
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: very often have legitimate consumer facing companies. It doesn't look
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: like a cult. Nobody joins that. Nobody signs up to
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: join a cult. You think it's a legitimate program. And
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: they're very often offering legitimate tools and valuable resources, or
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: else they would never be able to recruit people. So
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: we signed up. She India loved the intro. She asked
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: me to do it with her, so we signed up.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: We did this five day class. I was really not
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: very impressed. This is in Los Angeles. This was in
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: l A and kind of a pop up home and
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: they had about I don't know thirty coaches, all wearing
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: different colored sashes and they're about twenty two students and
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: amongst the students were a couple of celebrities and my
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: telling affair, God do I well, I mean that we
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: kind of go deep here? Is that so deep? Okay?
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: Rosario somebody or other? Um and then Callum Blue, who
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: actually is he appears in this piece, who was one
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: of my dearest oldest friends and I didn't know that
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: he had been signed up by an actress in Vancouver,
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: and I think that's they It was act a lot
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: of people in the entertainment business referring recommending, hence Alison
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: mac who was in Vancouver, Um Callum was on Smallville,
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: so it was sort of Kristin Kruk. It was all
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: these people that were signing each other up. Um. I
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: started to see in those first five days weird things.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: But I've done a lot of weird stuff. It doesn't
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: necessarily mean this is dangerous, and so you know, you
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: suspend and some of the weird stuff. Okay, the sashes
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: are weird because it's not a dojo. Taking your shoes off, Okay,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: I asked people sometimes to take their shoes off. I'm
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: gonna wait signing an NDA because they're saying this material
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: is proprietary. Okay, that's weird. And I had a problem
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: with that because I'm like, I can't talk to my
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: husband who is not in the room about things that
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: i'm learning. That that's bizarre. And then this mission statement
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: that you're supposed to read out loud, and then the
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: bowing and the thanking vanguard. Who is Keith Rnieri. They
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: have a title for him and then Nancy Salzman prefect,
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: who's his number two. They have titles for people, and
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: there's this kind of like hierarchy. There's a hierarchy. So
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: these things that seemed like a little I refused to say,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: you know, to say the mission statement every day where
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: you pledge to recruit people, I'm like, I paid a
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: lot of money for this class. I'm under no obligation
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: to recruit. Every time I verbalized that I had an issue,
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: they would say, well, you have you a defiance issue
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: and they would throw it back. And that is the
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: beginning of how they start to make people suggestible and submissible,
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: is that if you have an issue, it's your problem.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: It's never there's um. Now I went on and this
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: is where I got hooked. They do too kind of
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: different um things for lack of a better world. They
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: do these modules, which are classes, which are sort of
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: these philosophical questions that they put to you. And for
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: the most part, I would fall asleep during these exchanges.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: And then they do these what are called e m
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: s or explorations of meanings. Are you're supposed to fall asleep? No?
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: And they called me disintegrated because I would fall asleep um.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: And then you do these more experiential kind of psycho
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: psycho process yeah, whatever that are the set question sets
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: to um, let go of limitations, phobias, whatever, and you
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: and the way they pose the questions. You have these
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: deep emotional cathosses. Now a lot of these large group
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: awareness training to do this, be at Landmark, be it whatever.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: This is a spposed to be an executive success problem exactly,
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: thank you. It was not called nix UM at that point.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: It was called Executive Success program. We talked very little
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: about business. But let me tell you what is so key.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: You're having a deep emotional experience. You automatically link these
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: rather banal philosophical concepts and you give them greater meaning.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: And that is the beginning the first steps of indoctrination,
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: because what they're doing is they're building a philosophy that
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: is supposed to be the philosophy of Keith Rainieri, that
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: they build into a doctrine that is supposed to be
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: better than anything else. And with emotional linkage, you're engaging
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: parts of the brain that actually make you believe that
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: these are fundamentally more substantive beliefs. You never know that
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: and they're essentially telling you to always ignore your gut
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: feeling correct. Yes, So part of the exploration of meaning
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: is you have an issue as something and you want
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: to remove your reactivity because you think that's a limitation,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: and what it is is your unhooking your gut. It's
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: the beginning of them dismantling your personality. You can really so,
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: you think. So once they've dismantled it, you don't want
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: to leave. Well, worse than that is, first they build
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: you up, and then they start to tell you all
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: the problems that you have and only they can fix you.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: So then you're you, and you're you're very lucid about
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: all of this now as you were initially and your
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: daughter going through this, it doesn't seem to me that
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: you were able to see clearly as you're able to
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: see now. Okay, I was incredibly naive about cults. I
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: had done a lot of self help. A lot of
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: this reminded me of other self help programs that I've done. Um,
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: I'd cried on a lot of shoulders, doing various you know, processes.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: It wasn't that outlandish. May I ask something that chain
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: of personal Was there something that happened that you and
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: your daughter's life that you guys were really searching for
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: inside of this or was it really business like wanted
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: your businesses to grow, or do you think there was
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: something you guys were looking for? I would have I
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: considered myself a seeker always okay, um, but I had
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: reached a place where I was a little bit cynical
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: about self help, feeling like that I'd probably you know,
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: there was no stone unturned. My daughter, on the other hand,
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: was about to launch the business, and so really for her,
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: I thought it was an opportunity for her to What
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: they said is that it was going to help your
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: critical thinking, your leadership skills, and I thought it would
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: help her as she forged her way into the business world.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: So it really was as simple as that. And we
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: learned very little about legitimate business. We learned a lot
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: about how to detect con artists, which I find very
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: ironically considering the whole thing was a yeah. And how
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: quickly into this do you think that you guys figured
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: out you're no longer in like a Tony Robe Robbins
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: as motivational retreat and you're actually going to be in
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: like a sex call branding women and having women's masters,
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Like how okay, what's the time or what's the actual
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: turnaround here? Yes, this is this is the grooming process
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: of a predatory group or a sexual predator. So we
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: started taking classes in two thousand and eleven. By two
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: thousand and thirteen, I was done. Oh but you were
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: there for two years but taking classes sporadically, And there's
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: two different ways you could be a dilettante student, which
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: I was and was frowned upon, And people like Sarah
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: tried to recruit me relentlessly to become a coach, and
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: they succeeded with India who became a coach. The minute
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: you sign up to become a coach, you're giving them
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: permission to give you feedback, and feedback is constant criticism
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: and that's where they begin to break you down brutally.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: And also I read something that like thousands and thousands
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: of dollars are given to this organization. Where is the
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: money going to? Because sometimes other cults or other religions
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: or whatever you want to say that they are it's
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: going back to give back to people or blah blah blah,
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: But what is where are they claiming this money as
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: going and didn't your daughter end up having to go
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: through tons and tons of tons of money? They say,
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: that's the whole point is to recruit people and then
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: to really suck them dry financially. Where the money goes
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: nobody knows because they consider themselves a humanitarian and you
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: know enterprise, and then you have the Bronfman's Sarah and
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: Claire Brontman, who have been members since two thousand and
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: three on the executive boards, basically giving them access to
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: hundreds of millions of dollars. And so this is just
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: their way of being almost like this is like a
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: god complex. Well it's Keith God complex for sure. And
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: then they worship him. They worship him and that's all
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: embedded in the curriculum. So nobody meets him before you've
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: done the foot level one, which is fifteen days. And
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: how do you think that your daughter got sucked in
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: further and you were able to escape? Like how did
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: that happen? And then I have to ask as a mom,
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: like how didn't you rip her out right away? Like
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: what what ends up happening? Okay, so that there's a
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: I could actually spend an hour with you just breaking
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: down those questions. But to simplify. I didn't see anything
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: harmful happening in the beginning, even though when she said, Mom,
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: I'm signing up to be a coach, I was like,
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: my heart sank. Then it steps by steps. I didn't
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: you know as a I have five kids. I mean,
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: I've helped mother five kids. It's not until you really
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: have to let them make mistakes. You can't step in
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: and stop them from learning their lessons. You have to
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: give them the dignity of their own process. But what
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: happened when I was told that she was in danger,
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: which was in April of two thousand and seventeen, and
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: I was told about DOSS, which was the slave Master group,
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: And I was told about the severe diet restriction, and
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: I had seen symptoms, but I had couldn't put If
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: you don't know what to look for, it's like if
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: your kid is an addict. You don't know. However, that
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: were seeing not often because they wouldn't let her leave
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: unbeknownst to me, So she had gone to another stage.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: She had moved to Albany and around I'm trying to
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: remember it was two thousand and sixteen, but she was gone,
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: so I barely saw her it's fascinating to hear you
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: guys talk because I did a ton of research about
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: this and listen to this podcast called Escaping Nexium. What's
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: difficult about talking to Catherine is there is so much
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: information and so much story to tell that you get
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: you're getting little pieces like doss And one thing I
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: want to tell you guys quickly, since you're touching on
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: the money, is the criminal charges that have been placed
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: are on the racketeering charges, which basically means this is
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: all a racket, it's just bs illegal on how much
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: money did they, like, how much money was seized? Do
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: we know that? Well? I know how much was sees
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: from Nancy Salzman who was pre number two prefects around
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: half a million dollars. But we're talking about this is
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: a criminal enterprise. And ironically I was the first person
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: to kind of with a team of lawyers figure out
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: that there was racketeering going on, that there was sex trafficking.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: So those original charges that I wrote to the government
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: are the ones they ended up being charged for. Well,
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: you you bring up the notion of sex trafficking. I
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: think a lot of people in terms of experience this
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: through the headlines. I thought it was a sex cult. Well,
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: I mean you would you could call it a sex cult, right,
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: I mean if you hear about that women are recruiting
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: other women to have sex with the leader? What I mean?
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: And right? Legitimate? How long after your daughter was like?
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: What was the time frame before she was branded and
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: into doth? Okay? So all of this I had to
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: find out sort of piecemeal. She's never telling you anything,
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: you know, she's telling now she's Oh, she was probably
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: branded in January of two thousand and seventeen, and I
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: wasn't told about her involvement until April of two thousand
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: and seventeen. And then once I was told what was
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: going on, a primal maternal instinct kicked in that I
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: didn't know I had. That wouldn't stop I mean, I
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: wouldn't stop telling. And so is that initial inclination to
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: call the police, to go there with a gun and
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: get her out, or to do what? Okay? So first
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: I read everything I could about cults literally in twenty
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: four hours. I want to see a cult specialist, and
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: I I structured an intervention I got I planned to
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: get this was in May, I guess planned to bring
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: India home for her birthday, which was at the end
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: of May. Had it all planned out? That failed? Then
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: I went to the police. I hit it failed because
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: she didn't come home, or she came home, but she
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: didn't want. I blew the intervention completely. And I've been
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: warned by the expert um Rachel Bernstein. She said, don't
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: be disappointed if she gets back on the plane and
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: goes back. Don't consider it a failure. You may have
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: planted the seeds, but she may need to figure it
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: out for herself. But I was like, oh, yes, of course,
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: for those listening, why do you think you blew it? Like,
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: what is it that you think you said or did
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: that would have changed the outcome? I said, keywords that
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: have been implanted in her to put put put up defenses.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: I said, your brainwash and you're in a cult, and
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: you don't say that. That's really good, really good to
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: know you don't say that. But she wasn't, She wasn't ready.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: And this is the irony. Had she seen the light
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: in that moment and she and I had walked away
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: into the sunset and left it all behind Keith row Near,
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: he would still be operating, He would still be branding
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: women and he would still be recruiting them for sex,
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: and this organization would be untouched. And so the irony
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: is the deeper she dug her heels in, the more
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: people I had to help, the deeper I had to research,
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: and the more crimes I am colored. Do we have
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: any idea how many women were branded and part of
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: the sex well, according to Keith Lawyers, around a hundred
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: and fifty. And the range is it all across the board,
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: all across the I mean, his preference is the younger,
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: the better, and they were strict calories to about five hundred,
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: and they he wants women thin and because that would
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: hurt him. If they're bigger, it's disgusting. So we're pulsive.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: And then after you finally fought to have your daughter out,
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: how do you even how does she even move on
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: from this? How did you like? What are what are
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: those steps like? And as a mother, what are the
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: things that you can even say? Now? Well, I'll let
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: me backtrack a little bit, because there was a public
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: kind of explosion. I was out there basically outing my
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: daughter as the as the last resort because I couldn't
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: get her out and she hated me, and I how
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: did they ever threaten you, Yes, they did so I
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: received threats of look, but this is what they do,
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: vexatious litigation from Mexico, um lawsuits threatening me of fraud, extortion.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: So this was whistleblower intimidation. And also I was told
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: if I went to Mexico, I'd get killed because the
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: leader of the cult in Mexico is the son of
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: the ex president. So these are very dangerous people. Think
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: that's something too. And as we speak right now, I
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: know that Alison Mack was sentenced. Um this other gentleman,
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: where is he okay? So actually they're all they're all
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: convicted guilty, awaiting sentencing, and we just found out that
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Claire Bronpman sentencing is January eight, and one of the
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: other ladies who was one of the accountants, I think
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: the end of January. So we're waiting for the rest
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: of them to be sentenced. But everyone was blood guilty.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: So now this does not exist at all any longer. Well,
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: this is what we don't know, That's what I was thinking.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: I feel like there's probably some people there that are
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: still his you know, die hard. In my opinion, Claire
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Bronpman is still bankrolling next to him. And I mean
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: one of one of the things that I wanted I
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: did want to mention my book because when you talk
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: about what can parents do? I wrote the book to
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: expose that this this organization in the advent, that the
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: government did nothing because they dropped the ball so many
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: times in the past because they were scared of like
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: the amount of money that was backing this group. And
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: so the book is a really good kind of roadmap
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: for people who are going through this, who want to
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: know how what to avoid, what what the warning signs are.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: And actually when India read it, it helped her wake up.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: She was like, if I had had all this information,
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: I never would have fallen pray. Did she need to
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: go into any kind of treatment? Like what how do
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: you recover? Okay? So it's very different than an ad
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: an addiction recovery. Um, it's more understanding. It's an education
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: about how this could have happened to you, Understanding the
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: grooming process, understanding indoctrination or if you want to call it, brainwashing.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: And I think that I'm not gonna talk about her
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: specifically because I don't want to trust boss On, but
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: what I recommend to people who are coming out of
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: occult is that they go through a therapeutic process to
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: unpack what was done to them and how, because if
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: you don't, you are vulnerable to stepping into another situation
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: that is abusive and you almost miss what you've left. Right, Well,
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: you're even though you may have left physically, you're still
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: mentally hijacked because you're still under the influence of a
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: doctrine and the way you're thinking has been changed drastically
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: to the point that you can't think critically. You've become
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: completely dependent on an outside source. That's very frightening. There
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: are probably some people and this will sound harsh and
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: I that's not my intention, will be like, well, it's
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: just the show bus, these Hollywood types, you know, you know,
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: my my family here in Des Moines would never fall
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: prey to this. What would you say to that, Well,
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: first of all, we have to be very careful not
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: to victim shame, and I think culturally we do that
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: because we don't want to feel that we could be
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: vulnerable to being conned. Um, luck of the draw that
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: I wasn't, and my poor daughter was, and maybe her
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: vulnerability was she was in transition. Transition in a relationship
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: in a in a business. But the truth is a
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: lot of the people who are recruited into this group
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: were highly educated. They had Ivy League PhD s. These
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: were not dummies. And and very often culls go off
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: to very productive intelligence people because they want those people
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: working on their behalf and they want good recruiters. So
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: the thing to note is that everyone can be vulnerable.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: Anyone can be susceptible at some period in their lives,
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: and it's better to be forearmed then, you know. And
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: what is the expression forearmed and fore woarned? Like if
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: you know, if you understand how these groups operate, it's
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: very similar to a sexual predator or an abusive controlling relationship.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: It's the exact same playbook. So whether it's so, I
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: wouldn't say that it's just Hollywood types or you know,
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: willing to try weird kinky. And when you hear what
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: it is, anyone would have been sucked into it. Anyone
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: that's ever gone to here, Tony Robbins or Oprah for
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: that matter, could have been sucked into this. Because when
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: you first hear about it, you're like, well, they really
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: like sell it to you, like, oh, this will change
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: my life or this will help my career. I also
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: think it's important that because of your notoriety, you brought
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: them down, because this wasn't getting into People magazine without
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: you having, you know, the celebrity that you had. That
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: was how I learned about it. And then I dug
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: deeper because I'm like, what what is this? Stand your
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: fight and your grit and you know, knowing that it
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: needed to stop. Yeah, I knew it was a really
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: dangerous situation. And in fact, the first oh, this relates
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: back to what you my question you asked me when
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: I originally went to the police in the FBI. One
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: of the other members of one of the defectives went
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: to somebody in the local Albany area who is part
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: of the FBI, and he said, you know, you should
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: be very careful who you're even telling law enforcement about
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: the situation, because these are very dangerous people. And I'm thinking,
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: why are you not doing anything? Law enforcement did nothing
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: for twenty years and people were bringing them evidence. When
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: you're in dacor you're going through any of this, do
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: you think you you know in the back of your
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: mind that this is wrong, or do you think you
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: are so brainwashed to this point that you can't imagine
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: living without it, Like what what do you think that
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: is like? And it doesn't have to be your daughter directly,
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: but what do you think somebody would think they were
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: gaining at that point when they're being branded, when they're
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: being forced to have sex with somebody that's their leader.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: Imagine it's a slow drip. These are not women who
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: are being recruited off the street, Hey come join a
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: sex calton, get branded. They've been told over years to
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: trust these people. So when these people they're superior, say
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: do join this new new group. It'll make you a
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: better person, it will empower you. These are well that
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: they they've developed relationships with um that they wouldn't believe
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: with awesome to do anything that was wrong. And the
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: thing about indoctrination is that the line bending. You know,
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: it's like your moral compass gets removed. It's the same
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: as any sex trafficking victims. By the end, you truly
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: believe that you are doing what you're doing because it's
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: building character. Now when you look back, people are horrified,
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: they're like, how could I How could I have been
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: that person? But it actually create you create a whole
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: new persona. That's very frightening to think how fragile the
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: human psyche is, that we can actually be turned into
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: somebody else, whether it's terrorist training or any type any
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: you know, any type of indoctrination is very scary. It's
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: as simple as being in a bad relationship with a jerk.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: You stay and stay and stay, and it's like I
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: always hear, oh, if that happened to me, I'd leave
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: right away, and it's like, no, you know, And that's
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: that's the most relatable part. Is you stay and you think,
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: if I just do this, this will get better. If
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: I say this, if I act better, this will get better.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: And they're just sucking these people in. But yeah, that's
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: where I thought was so fascinating about it, is that
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: anyone could be sucked into this. And that's what's so terrifying.
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: Although he was so gross and creepy that I thought,
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: but the original payment, I know, right, the original payment
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: to even do the first set of seminars was how
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: much money? Trying to remember, but it was I thought,
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: So you have to have a certain that's a that's
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: a real barrier to entry. A lot of people don't
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: have that. So he's asking for a certain level of
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: clientele or whatever people to bring in. Well, he's also
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: saying that it's worth putting this on credit. Yeah you
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: need this. When I first heard and Katherine can explain
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: it again, what how they sold it? Even me, I
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: was like this, this would have been something I kind
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: of thought, Oh, I take this class like and then
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: you just go I'm not at all suggesting that there's
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: a direct analogy. But we're all here in southern California.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: And if you go to certain areas and you see
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: people on the street in the scientology uniforms or whatever,
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: do you have a different thought now than you would
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: have had had you not had this this insight and
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: and things. Well, I wasn't never a fan of scientology
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: because that to me was under when I learned about,
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: you know, the sort of the mystical or spiritual aspect
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: or the alien thing, I'm like, okay, how could anybody
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: fall for that stuff? Because it was religious, this was secular,
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: so it was easier for me too. But I am
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: not a fan of self help. If I was cynical,
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: I am like super cynical if you mean to have
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: self help when it comes to these MLM any type
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: of self help that's not an accredited therapist, any of
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: these large group trainings. I'm like, stay away, keep your money.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: If you need fellowship, go to a twelve step program
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: for free. If you're not an addict, have a great life,
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: you're great, you're fine. Just forget about it because the
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: danger I mean, self help in this country alone is
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: an eleven billion dollar a year business and it is
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: completely unregulated. Right, So yeah, I'm not a fan. Well,
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: we've learned a lot just the beginning. It's really I know,
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: there's so much more. What's in the true Hollywood story? Well,
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: actually when they interviewed me, it was like three days
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: off to my house burn down in Malibu, and I
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: don't I don't remember what I said, but it was
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: probably pretty wrong. It was very wrong. But it was
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: based again on my book Captive. And so they asked
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: me a lot of questions about um information that's in
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: the book and will will soon stand and a breakdown
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: of the steps that I took to help bring this
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: hold down, which was not a fight that I would
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: have chosen. And in here as well as their steps
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: on the signs if you are entering a cult as well, Yes,
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: definitely that you know, if you're you're there, or you've
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: heard of one, or you're thinking about it, you know,
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: or if you have a child in one. Yes, exactly, okay, exactly, Well,
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: thank you so much for I mean, this is it's heartbreaking,
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: but I think it's really good for people to hear,
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: because so many people stumble into these things and have
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: no idea what they're getting themselves or their family into
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: until it's too late, and you were able to turn
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: things around, and yeah, well thank you. This is one
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: of the rare times when the victims were protected. Feel
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: very blessed. So you have four kids, Holliday, it's a
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: good age range. I call them the olders and the younger's,
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: so eighteen twelve, and what's your thoughts on spanking. I
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: have never raised a hand, not once. I haven't either,
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: But I have a question because all of this has
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: been going on after Sunday's episode of Keeping Up the
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: Kardashians because of this like stressy, messy like situation between
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: one of Courtney's children scratching somebody and then uh, Corey
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: saying I would what was that I would? The quote was, oh,
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: I'd be whipping her ass and then obviously the parents
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: are upset by that. Um, so it really I started
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: trying to figure out all of the information regards to spanking.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: I mean, I've been spanked, not the way I said
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: that sounds a little creepy, but I used to when
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: I was younger. I I remember too spanking. They were
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: like big deals and other than that, I would get
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: like kind of the arm squeeze, right, but that that's
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: kind of where it stopped. But because of that one spanking,
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: I still like one of the spankings. I have never
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: been late to this day because of fear because of
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: that spanking that I got for being late. All right,
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you my h my childhood spanking story. Um.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: I used to you know what a super Bowl is
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: like about the super bouncy ball? Okay, so I used
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: to enjoy bouncing the super Bowl in the shower and
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: then timing how long it would bounce. Sounds like a
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: good game, and it was. And my father was like,
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: you're going to break the shower door. And my father
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: is very like gentle, not vol person, but he always said,
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: when you break the shower door, I will kill you.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: And so, um, you know, months later, I broke the
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: shower door, and my mother was like, wait till your
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: father gets home. You know he's gonna kill you. And
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: so I was the field anticipation of the spank saw
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: like twelve pairs of anywhere, because I you know, and
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: I mean I deserved it because I had been warned
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: and everything else. And then you know, he kind of
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: yelled at me, but nothing really happened, yelled at me
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: and you're gonna pay for this and blah blah blah,
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: and nothing really happened. And then at night, uh, chucking
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: me in uh, he said, oh, and you know your
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: mom told me you put on twelve pairs of anywhere.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: They still on and I was like no, and he
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: goes now and then nothing happened. But that that so
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: that was as effective. You just got an almost speaking. See,
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: I got a real speaking and I was told that
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: my birthday party was going to be canceled, okay, which
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: to me, when you're however old you're I think I
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: was like ten years old. I was like, this is
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: pure devastation. Um, but yeah that I I respected that
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: spanking for the rest of my life. That being said,
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: I do not spank my kids. And if somebody who
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: was not well. I mean, even if it was my
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: husband if I mean, my husband had been spanked when
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: he was younger as well, but if what if he
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: tried to do it, that'd be a whole another issue.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: But somebody that's not even family is saying that they
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: would spank my children the level of crazy you would
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: see me go. There are no words, but you know
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: it's funny. I'm obviously touch older than than you guys.
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: When I was in sixth grade, in our sixth grade
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: classroom hung a paddle and the paddle was named One
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: side of the paddle was called Wizzard and the other
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: side was called Flasher. And I don't think they ever
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: took it down, but it was there. I mean, I
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: think that now we're in the day where we're constantly
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: being told different ways to discipline your kids. I mean
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: even now they're saying a time out isn't right because
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: they shouldn't be alone by themselves, because that's where you know,
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: So there's what what what's your age? Ridge? R age
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: range is five seven and eleven? All right, does anybody
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: have a phone? Nobody has all My stepdaughter has a phone,
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: but it's just so when she's with us, she versa,
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: but there's no games. But I think that the spanking
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: of today with kids of a certain age just to
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: take the phone, take, take the phone away. Yeah, I mean,
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: my son has a little bit of like he gets
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: nervous about certain things. So we talked to somebody and
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: they're like, definitely, don't give him a time out because
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: he already takes himself out and then that's more alone time.
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: But and it's like, so, is there no parenting going
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: on with the parents, because is that why we have
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: millennials that don't do anything? Well, that's a whole another thing.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: I mean, watching I say all of these things. You know,
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: I want to make sure that I raised my kids
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: the same way I I was raised. But I'm not
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: because I'm not doing a lot of one. I'm a
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: helicopter parent because I have to be in Los Angeles. Yeah,
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: I'm I don't think that's necessarily true. I grew up here,
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: My kids obviously have grown up here, and like this
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: whole idea, you know, oh my gosh, if you're not
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: keeping an eye on them, someone's gonna plug your kid
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: out of your front yard and kidnap them. As a
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: practical matter, that does not happen. It just doesn't know.
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: But I used to be able to ride my bike
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: to school to my friends south in Los Angeles. That
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: isn't in their closest friend is thirty five minutes in
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: the car. You know what I'm saying, There's not We
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: don't live in a little neighborhood where the kids can
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: ride their bikes. Just this story. So I was taking
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: care of my nieces the other day. I'm in the
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: living room of my house with a front patio that
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: has a gate, right and one of my nieces inside.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: My mom is also there. So there's two adults, two kids.
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: One of my nieces is playing inside, my other niece
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: is playing in the front patio with a gate. The
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: ups man walked in with a package. Obviously, my little
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: niece got a little startled by the ups man, and
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: the ups man yelled at me, raised his voice. You
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: need to watch your daughter better. How dare you leave
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: her out here? She could be grabbed? And I'm like
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: attached to my house. But that level of paranoia, it's
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: that level of paranoia, but also it's that level of
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: people thinking they need to tell other people what to
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: do all of the time, Like why does this random
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: stranger really think he needs to tell me how to parent?
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: Or why do I mean? It's it's no matter what
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: we're doing, it's driving in the car, it's you know,
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: you you you'd be a better parent if you did this,
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: you'd be a better parent if you did that. Are
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: you even a parent? You know half the time that
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: people judging or you know, like when they were parents,
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: they didn't do that great of a job anyway. But
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: I just feel like the level of judgment is so
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: extreme when it comes to being a parent. But I
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: do agree with the fact that if somebody said to me,
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: like I'm gonna whip your kids out, I'd be like, really, uh,
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: we're going to take a time out now from each other.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: Like I'll tell you a parent story. So my daughter
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: number two, whose name is Rory, who Amy knows has
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: every good quality, but has always been loud. She's got
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: a loud voice, and she had a as a child,
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: a piercing scream and one of these screams where everybody
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: would turn like why are you beating your child? She's
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: screaming so much, And so she and I were like,
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: she's like two maybe or two or three. The two
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: of us are flying back from Hawaii to l A
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: and it's one of those rare Oh we've been upgraded,
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, you know what, I cannot have a
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: screaming child in first class. We'll just so we're in
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: the very back row and she is sleeping the entire time,
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: and then I think that flights about five hours. So
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: about four hour after four hours, she wakes up and
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: just starts to scream, and she screams for base and
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: the flight attendant that can we help you? And I did. Anyway,
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: she screams from forty five minutes straight. So the next
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: day on the morning news, kind of just as a joke,
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, you know, if you were on United
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: flight seven yesterday from now Am, I apologize. That was
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: me and my daughter, And somebody wrote me this note.
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm so glad you said something. I was
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: at l A X last night and always picking up
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: my sister who had just spent two weeks in Maui,
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: and when she walked off the plane her hair was
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: standing on end. But like, what do you do? You know,
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: I kind of give really, you know, I most of
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: the time will flying coach with my family because well
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: I don't like spending a ton of money. That's that's
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: that's money to me. I think it's a waste of money.
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: But if my kids, their legs barely go over the seat,
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: so if they accidentally touched the seat in front of you,
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: and you get like the death player, like are you
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: watching listen, I'm watching them, but like, take a little
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: breath or you know, save up and start flying private
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: because this is the real world here and occasionally people
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: are going to touch your seat and I'm doing the
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: best I can and you adding that extra pressure and
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: giving me dirty looks like and you know that there
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: may be a touch of generation to that, because I remember,
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: you know, my parents saying to me, you know, we
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: didn't fly until we were twice, Like, you know, to
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: be on a plane when you're a kid is amazing.
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: But now it's taken for granted. Now it's taken for grant.
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: And also, people love to say other people are doing
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: things wrong. It makes them feel so good. I can
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: sit here and be miserable on this flight because this
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: person is making me feel that way, as opposed to
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: taking a deep breath and saying, you know what, it's this,
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: this and this that I've done today that's actually making
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: me feel like crap. Or it's a fact that your
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: knees are touching the seat in front of your making yeah,
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: I mean, Or it's just my kids are driving, you're
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: freaking that and I'm sorry. Are they well behaved generally
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: or not? Yes? I give them about an eight? Okay, alright,
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: it's good, it's good enough. Okay, We're gonna go on
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: a quick break and then take a breath and then
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: bring on a specialist to help us even more. Good Ginger, Hi,
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: it's Teddy and Sam here. How are you hi, Teddy?
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: How are you Hiam? We are. We're both parents. So
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: we have a lot of questions, like, for one, how
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: are you even supposed to pair anymore? There's so many malls?
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: I know, I know, yes, So example, we've been okay,
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: we've been talking about how you know, there's been a
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: lot of things in the news about you know, spanking
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: and time out and even everybody getting first place and
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: you know, we're all getting trophies. Like there's so many
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: discussions and so many rights and wrongs. Now I know that, like, yes,
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: of course you trust your instinct, but like what are
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: the are there is there any kind of tips that
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: you can give us to kind of you know, give
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: us a clear line. Yes. So one, um, there's so
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: many things happening in and acceptable ways of discipline. I
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: call it like there's this public parent right, so what
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: society feels that we should be parenting in a way
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: that we should pear in. Then there's this way that
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: you know, context of how we want to raise our children.
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: And so sometimes about the like there's this dichotomy about
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: what other opinions kind of influence the way we ultimately
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: want to pear in our kids. But I would say
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: as far as like discipline and how we discipline our kids,
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: I think it's a personal It's very personal and based
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: on your context. Because we can use discipline as you know,
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: correct behavior, or we can use it as a way
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: to like inform how they'll be disciplined in the future.
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: And so I think we can just like I think
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: the way we look at discipline should shift a little bit,
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: because you know, kids are sponges, they're they're they're you know,
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: absorbing everything and they're learning ways to like communicate, uh,
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: deal with conflicts, all of that stuff. So there's a
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: lot happening. But I think you just have to define
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: what it is that we ultimately want to see in
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: our children. Now, Ginger would seem to me that the
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: notion of you know, smacking your kid is probably remote
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: and it's probably a bad idea. But at the same time,
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: I suspect their parents who would say, you know what,
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: if I got really out of line, my mother gave
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: me a whack and look, I turned out fine, so
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: it was okay for me. It's it's yes, um, So
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: there's that. Yeah. I get a lot of parents who
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: say the old school way of discipline, right, so that
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: you know, my my father and my mother was heavy
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: with the hand um and or rules with the iron face,
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: and so I think times have changed in terms of no,
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: it didn't necessarily break you as an individual, but it
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: didn't pour into you. So I'm all like, let's not
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: look at the deficits as far as like spanking, but
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: what can we pour into our children that will probably
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: get better results and yield um, better relationships in life
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: in the future. So I kind of like try to
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: switch it and not like focuses on like, yeah, you
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: could slap your kids, but you could also show them
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: or be what we want to see in our children,
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: which is showing them the way to interact with the doults,
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: showing how to deal with conflict. So well, I mean,
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: it's kind of how I've been talking to my parents. Yes,
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: because well, one, I did some research and it's actually
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: illegal to spank your kids if you leave a mark.
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: So this is true. But I feel like a lot
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: of people don't even know that, And so I'm wondering
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: how parents when when yes, doing what's best for their kids,
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: but like, how are they supposed to know what's actually
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: legal even and what's okay because if they were brought
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: up a certain way. I, for one, don't spank and
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: don't believe in that. But I did get spanked when
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: I was younger a couple of times. I just choose
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: to not continue it on. But I don't know for
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: those of the you know, how, how how would you
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: explain these are some clear ways to actually discipline your child. Sure, Um,
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: so it's hard that. I mean, so there's this thing
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: I've used to work with children, um that um kind
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: of were used and neglected, and so I've seen the
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: gamut of what um, you know, physical discipline has done,
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: not only physically but emotionally and so ways it for
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: me as a mental health professional, we talk about you know,
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: discipline and what's appropriate, what's not appropriate. A lots of
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: schools and teachers UM usually talk to two kids and
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: parents about like them being mandated reporters UM as though
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: if you know, if they hear a suspective any abuse,
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: and so there's that part as far as physical abuse.
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: Of what I say is that children do require discipline,
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: but I also look at it as a way an
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: opportunity to teach them what they should be doing. And
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: then we have to deal with the content. So if
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: they are being unsafe or some of it, what they're
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: doing is not going to be UM make them a
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: productive uh you know citizen in the society. I think
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: we have to address it. But I think it's case
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: by I have to practical examples. So let's say you
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: have a five year old that darts out into the
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: street and you have to grab your kid. How do
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: you then teach them not to do that? That's my
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: first question, right, So one, you got to catch them
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: because it's unsafe, But then the practical part is I
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: have to teach them what I want to see from them.
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: So that is a demonstration of I'm gonna walk them
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: through the story, look less, look right, have them understand
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: the consequences. So it's almost like we're being an example
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: of what we want to see as opposed to just
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: saying what we don't want to see. If we have
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: to tell them what we want to see in them. Okay,
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: So then let's fast forward to sixteen year old who
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: is lying or talking back, or drinking or doing things
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: you don't want your sixteen year old doing. How do
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: you parent that child? So you you have to immediately
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: address the negative behavior and UM, definitely, UM make a
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: consequence because what I say that it has to be
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: depend on the child, because taking a cellphone away from
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: one child may just they may get it, and taking
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: a cellphone away from another child they may not. It
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: may not be something that's gonna improve their behavior. So
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: you kind of have to know what what motivates your child.
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: And I say sometimes you have to take away some
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: of those privileges that they are used to until they
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: kind of change their behavior and ultimately and show them
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: what you want to see and getting to the bottom
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: of why they're doing what they're doing, because there's there's
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: more to the action. There's something behind it, and how
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: do you feel about Like the reward chart. I've noticed
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: my son showing great improvements since we stopped doing like
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: time outs and more. If you do these things, then
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: you get a heart, and then after this many hearts,
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: you get this. I think it's I love actually the
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: reward chart because it's essentially you are investing in what
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: you want to see for them, and then it's um
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: kind of natural rewards like a heart, high five. And
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you maybe it progresses to other things, but
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: it's natural rewards, and so they are more focused on
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: what you want to see or what will be more
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: positive than the negative consequences of behavior. I've also seen
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: a lot of My parents didn't even bother with me
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: I was so bad at school. But I've seen a
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: lot of parents disciplining their children because of grades. So
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: I'm curious what is the alternative to my kids aren't
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: really at that age yet, but to those parents that
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: are putting so much pressure on their kids that their
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: kids end up just giving up. Yes, so, well, one
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: we gotta see where our kids are. Um. I see
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: a lot of kids who have a lot of test anxiety,
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: a lot of school anxiety because there's so much pressure, um,
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: either from their parents, society about getting into college, etcetera.
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: And so the parents then feel like the punishment is
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: going to get a better result of behavior when actually
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: they need to start asking more questions. So it could
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: be a matter of discipline, so it couldn't be a
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: matter of okay, homework time, tutors. There's things that we
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: can again pour into our children that are to have
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: a schedule for them. Yes, definitely. And I feel like
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: anxiety is something that wasn't really talked about when I
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: was growing up, and now we hear it so often
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: in kids. And now you know, same with a d
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: D or a d h D, Like these are things
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: that are way more people are way more open to
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: discuss now, and kids are talking about it, And so
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: I was just kind of curious, what the best if
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: you're feeling like your kid is struggling with one of
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: these things and you don't you don't have the means,
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: or you don't know what to do, Like, what do
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: you recommend in that case? So you're right, Um, I
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: think we're is more socially acceptable to talk about anxiety. Um,
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: and we are beginning to see it through a lot
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: of avenues of the impact of anxiety. I mean, kids
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: aren't going to school. They they you know, there's physical menasation, manifestation,
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: so they're stomach egg. They may say, I don't want
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: to go to school because of X, Y and Z.
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: But what can we do as a parent to support
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: the children. I I'm a firm believer in just having
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: a conversation with your child about what is impacting them
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: so um and looking at the physical symptoms. So that
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: means maybe you have to modify your expectations of them
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: so it reduces their stress level. UM acceptance is huge,
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: So accepting that you do your bet. I want you
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: to do your best, and whatever your best is, that's
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: what I accept, not necessarily what I think your best
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: should be, but what they're the child's best is in
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: that moment, because it can be hard as well, because
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: your kids are so smart that sometimes they know how
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: to manipulate you as well. So sometimes they may be
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: having anxiety, but sometimes they're smart little buggers, you know,
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: like mom is true, my son will be like Mommy,
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: I just really need to sleep in bed with you tonight.
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: It's I'm not feeling that good. I'll be like, buddy,
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: do you really not feel good? Or do you just
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: want to sleep with me? I just want to sleep
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: with you? But can I uh yeah, so so and
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: of course you ultimately know that that's the one over right.
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: So so I say, look at like consistent, inconsistency, and
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: inconsistent see of behavior. So for a child who's typically
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: doing well in school, typically gets good grades, or typically
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: is um you know, performing in a performance well, and
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: then they have those isolated or moments where they did
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: I mean that would say Okay, something's not right or
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: something's not wrong, or something's wrong with my child. I
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: need to look more into that. Or if the opposite,
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: if they're constantly struggling with a subject matter, they're constantly
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: um have fear of being on stage, there may be
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: something more to it again that we have to look into.
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: So it's not just the materials, but there's some more things.
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: There are questions that we need to ask. Okay, thank
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: you so much for all your help today. We really
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: appreciate it. Welcome, thank you so much for having me.
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: I think that, you know, maybe we'll talk again. You know,
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: you guys have a great pace. Oh, thanks Ginger, thanks
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: so much. You know what I what I think now
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: is everything is so much more like concentrated, you know,
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: than than than it used to be. So this idea
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: that the kids are anxious about things, there's so much
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: more surrounding them, I think kind of to make the
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: major's So that's and then the other thing, and I
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: will speak from experience here. The whole college thing is
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: everybody gets in somewhere, it's all gonna be fine. You
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: just have to completely relax and let go of it,
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: because I know kids and parents. You know, for the parents,
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: it's projection. They don't they want uh Debbie to get
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: in to Stanford because they want to get into Stanford
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: because they didn't themselves. So are all parents just basically
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: screwing up their kids? I mean, even listening to the
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: parenting expert, I'm like, is she actually telling us what
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: to do? Like it's all just a crapshoot? Am I Right? Well,
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: don't you? I think the thing that that's most unusual
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: And you see this on occasion where you will meet
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: super nice parents and for whatever cosmic reason, the kids
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: are crappy. So kids are because you don't see everything
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: you don't see the full rounded thing. And I think
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: kids are smart, they know what's going on. So I
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: know the biggest thing for me that's helped with my
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: kids is if I tell them if I'm stressed or
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: if i'm in like I've got a ton of work
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: to do, instead of just not being present, like I'm like, hey, guys,
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: I need one hour. I really need to like hunker
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: down this hour so that then I can focus on
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: you guys. And then I set their expectations and then
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: everything's better. Whereas I pretend to be super mom all
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: the time and I'm like, I'm good, I'm good. I'm
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: gonna oh ha ha, that's so funny. Mean while I'm
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: looking at my phone. Then all of a sudden, they
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: start acting out because they don't know what's happening and
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: they want attention. And we do that as adults too,
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: like even your your wife or my husband comes home
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: from work or vice versa. You know, you take things
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: personally unless the person come you nicates with you what
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: they need. But but you see, I think even I
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: think it's a good idea, but even the phrase, uh,
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: you know, as a parent, to help my kids set
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: their expectations, that to me is like a phrase like
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: my mom and dad would never like what you know,
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: but I know what I like. I think I parent
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: the way that I personally like to live my life. Yeah,
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, and then this whole nature versus nurture. I
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: have three daughters and a son, and everybody said with
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: with my daughters constantly like just you wait and wait
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: for what they've They've really all turned out in credit
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: their nice girls and there's not too much of that
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: eye rolling and all the things that you know that
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: you would expect. But I heard that from and you
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: know this whole idea. Well, girls are harder than like
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: I find. Uh, my son, who I'm enjoying more and
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: more as it gets a touch older, was much more
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: of a challenge. Girls were easy because boys have so
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: much more energy there. Well, my son is like such
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: a lover and a cuddler and all those things. Um,
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: But like my daughter, when I walk her into school,
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: she's like, can you walk behind me? Please? Do you
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: mind not kissing me at school anymore? I'm like, oh,
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: we're there, you're in the first grade. Do you mind
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: that shirt that you just asked me to buy for
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: you not wearing it? Like and wearing something else hello um,
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: but you try not to take it personally. But then
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: you remember when you were a kid. And then one thing,
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: which may be very uh l a centric, do you
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 1: find this at pick up? I'm like, you know what,
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: I've never seen that rules Royce before. It's like it's
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: keeping up with the Jones and I cannot. I can't
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: do it. And when the mom starts telling me how
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: great of a mom she has all the time and
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 1: all the things she juggles, and I'm like, honestly, I
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: don't have the time for this friendship. I just find
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: every forty year old is just totally messed up from
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: the damage that's been done to them. It's like everybody's
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: just a big pile of mess and nobody is perfect
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: and it's the people. And you know, I I struggled
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: as well. I wish I was perfect, but I have
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: made multitude of mistakes every day. But I think it's
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: important that your kids see that you can make mistakes.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 1: The life still goes on and that if you work hard,
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 1: good things come. I mean that's the end of the day,
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: that's what you and that they're loved right exactly. That's
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: the most important. If they know that, then that trump's
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: everything else. Yeah, if your kids feel love and they
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: have the basic skills of survival, they're gonna be fine.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: I think I don't want to retitle this podcast because
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: it has a great name already, but it's like, relax,
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: We're all going to be fine. That should be that
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: could be it um because people just panic. People panic,
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: and then they start and then they start asking everybody
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: and their mother what today we're gonna get? Everybody else's
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: advice is make sure you guys are emailing us at
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: Teddy t E D D I T T E A
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: at I heart radio dot com. And then we will
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: addres set on next week's episode because I know you
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: guys are gonna want to dig even deeper. Lisa is
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: digging this week and hers is My issue for open
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: marriage slash swingers is what if your significant other brings
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: home a disease? Um. I'll tell you what. I've always
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: had this idea, uh do if you ever go watch
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: stand up comedy? I think some of you think, oh
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: I can do it. So here's just the beginning of
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: a stand up bit, which I think would be very effective.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: You know, everybody's so into all this you know, open
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: marriage stuff and and swing you know the you know
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: the problem with threesomes. There's just too much talking. Isn't
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: that a great first line? Nothing after that that has
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: to do with STDs. But so the feedback guy got
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: is we forgot to ask the swinging couple, how do
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: they avoid disease? And lot of these open marriage people
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: to avoid getting and did you speak with them on
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: the phone, did you meet them? I mean, I don't
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: know that I necessarily need to ask the therapist this
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: condoms are they using them though we don't know. I
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: don't know, but they should be. I would assume that
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: that is a rule. By the way, I did learn
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: that there's a kind of condom that people are using
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: that doesn't actually protect you from disease. It only protects
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: you from being pregnant. Oh yeah, that's true. I like
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: versus I mean, hello, I think they actually say that
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: in some of the labels that people lead their condom labels.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: I have a latex allergy, So I'm not one to
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: speak a latex allergy because I had a latex bandage
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: on my body once and it was like fire. It
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: was like my whole body was on fire. And someone
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 1: was punching me from the inside, and then it took
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: days for it to go back to normal. I get
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: that like from latex, from the glue when I have
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: fake eyelashes on. We've learned a lot. Thank you Sam
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: for joining me today. I love getting your thoughts and
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: feedback and helping me dig deep on all these times. Well,
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: I tell you what today I feel. We've been through it.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: We've been through a lot of things today. Happy to
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: be your thanks, appreciate it. H