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Why some narcissists try to set you off on purpose · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about how your reactions can provide fuel
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  for a narcissist. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammond. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist here to help people heal and grow.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Boom, Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
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  Y'all notice you're new. What?
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  So what? What was new at the beginning of
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  the episode right there? What was new at the beginning?
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  Did you hear anything different? My O GS will know.
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  If you're new here, make sure we go ahead and hit the subscribe
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  button. But yes, y'all, we're talking
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  about reactive abuse, pretty much reactive abuse and how
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  narcissistic people get rewarded sometimes for your reactions get
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  fueled up and empowered by how you react to them, about how you
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  behave around them, about what you do and how you are perceived
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  by what the from their actions. Yo, narcissist, I'm going to
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  tell you this right here. This is quite like, you know how
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  there's different types of gas? You know, you get, you get the
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  8789 and 93 and diesel, diesel fuel for like the different, the
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  cars run on different power. So narcissistic people run on
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  diesel fuel. If you were talking about gas,
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  what type of gas they run on, not the 87, not the little cheap
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  stuff, the cheap stuff that I use, but diesel fuel, $10 a
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  gallon. Your reactions are diesel fuel
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  for narcissistic people. And I'm being real because
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  that's how it goes. They absolutely get powered up
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  off of causing you to react, off of making you look like the
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  aggressor, off of making you look like and be perceived as
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  the, as the antagonistic person. They absolutely love it.
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  This is why I'm big, so big on controlling your reactions.
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  This is why you hear me say it all the time.
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  Lee, why are you talking about controlling our reactions?
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  Why can't we? Why can't we react?
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  I'm tired of being quiet. I'm tired of doing this.
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  I'm tired of doing it. Look, I'm not telling you to be
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  quiet. I'm telling you to, to, to, to
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  come at them in a way that doesn't make you look like the
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  enemy. And, and like saying and pick it
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  like pick, pick and choose your points, Pick your battles.
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  It's a yeah, it's a war. It's a narcissistic war.
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  You got to pick and choose your you're not going to win every
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  battle. So you got to pick and choose
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  which battles you want to fight. You know you don't want to fight
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  a battle out in public when they were like when they use dog
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  whistling to get you to react out of character, right?
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  They mean they start, look, it's a plan, Y'all.
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  It's a sinister plan. They might wake up on E they
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  sputter and they look they're running on narcissistic fumes.
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  The the supply is low. They like I need, I need some
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  gas and I'm not I I might not make it to the gas station.
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  So let me wake up this morning and start something unnecessary.
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  Let me wake up this morning and start poking and prodding my
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  partner because you know how this reactive of me starts.
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  They start poking you and prodding you.
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  They start doing things just to, you know, just to annoy you a
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  little bit and they annoy your annoyance grow.
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  As your annoyance grows, so does the amount of gas they get.
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  They, they, they, you know, they are running in parallel.
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  As your annoyance grows and your reactions start to get a little
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  more volatile, they get more gas and it's going, it's going to go
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  past it sooner or later. Y'all, it's like a graph.
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  You see that graph right there? A line chart.
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  That's what happens. So once they start to poke you
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  and poke you and poke you, and then you go out somewhere with
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  them and they poke you and they trigger you just the right way,
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  boom, you react. You're yelling and screaming at
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  your partner in a Bistro. You're in the middle of a
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  Bistro. Having a having some, having
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  some kombucha, having a little, some impact, impact kombucha.
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  You have to yell and scream at your partner because they got
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  they set you off because they said something that they that
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  they knew would trigger you. You told them to leave you
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  alone. You said, hey, can you stop
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  saying that? Hey, can you stop doing it?
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  And they wouldn't stop. They actually start doing it
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  more because they know it worked.
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  They know it worked. So they kept doing it, kept
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  doing it, kept doing it. You're trying to, you're trying
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  to enjoy your kombucha. They do it again.
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  Boom, you explode. Now they are on fool.
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  Now they went from like, you know how that little the little
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  orange light comes on in your car?
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  Now it's full. That's the F.
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  It's full. It's green, full B.
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  I'm full. Because now you look like the
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  antagonist. You look like the bad person.
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  Yeah, This is why I do so many videos.
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  And you you keep hearing me repeat this thing like a mantra.
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  Control your reactions. Control your reactions.
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  Control your reactions. I'm repeating it like a mantra
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  because it needs to be in your head.
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  You break no contact. They get more fuel you reach out
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  to them, they get more fuel. You, like I said, you try to
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  tell you they turn one of you they they use the smear campaign
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  to turn one one or more of your family and friends against you.
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  They get more fuel. They are fueled the hell up
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  right now. They they look, they pumping it.
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  They pumping premium right now. So that's what I'm telling you
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  right now. Y'all, this is one thing that
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  you have to work on. I know people when I say this
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  one thing people keep repeating to me like Lee, that's not fair,
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  Y'all? It's not fair being with a toxic
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  narcissistic bastard that doesn't listen to you.
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  That's not fair. So the best thing that you can
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  do in this situation to empower yourself is to keep moving
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  forward and not give them the benefit of your reaction.
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  It's not giving them the fuel of your reaction.
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  You want them on E. You want them on E because when
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  they are on E and they realize that this guy, look, this little
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  empathetic gas station is closed down, they might leave you
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  alone. Notice I notice I said might.
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  So you know some people go around, you know some people
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  when you when you really out of money at the gas pump.
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  I don't know if y'all ever been here.
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  I've been here before. You really out of money at the
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  gas pump. You try to get every little bit
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  of fuel. You're shaking the tip of it
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  like I need every I need every drop.
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  They're going to try to shake you for the drops of fuel.
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  They're going to keep doing things to try to get a reaction
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  from you. Like I said, every reaction is
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  not going to be a big over the top reaction like you yelling
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  and screaming. Sometimes your reaction could
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  just be you breaking no contact. Like you've blocked them, you've
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  moved on, you're healing and growing.
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  And then all of a sudden you start to miss them.
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  You start to miss them. And instead of controlling your
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  reactions and and redirecting your energy, redirecting your
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  your redirecting what you have going on, you reach out to them,
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  you talk to them, you say, Hey, I miss you, Boo.
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  Hey, come get these cheeks. And you get like if they go from
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  abusing you to for and you go in no contact with them to them
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  clapping the cheeks. Oh my goodness, y'all they don't
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  F again. You just filled them up.
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  You just filled them up and now your tank is on E because you
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  feel ashamed of yourself because of what you did.
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  So This is why I'm telling by telling people right here, you
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  have to find a way to divert the stream.
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  You know, you have to find a way to divert the stream.
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  It's like running water is damn near an unstoppable force.
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  That's why you see people. You can't look, you can't do
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  anything about a damn tsunami, a tsunami, a tsunami.
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  You can't do anything about that, can you?
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  They said, hey, the tsunami is coming, get out the damn way.
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  You can't do anything about that pressure, that water.
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  But if I said you people build up walls and things like that.
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  People build dams and stuff to redirect water.
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  They don't try to stop it. They try to redirect it.
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  They try to redirect the flow. So you have to redirect.
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  If you feel it like you missed them, find the reason not to
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  miss them. Pull out that damn journal that
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  I told you to write down 1000 times the bad stuff that they've
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  been doing to you. Read it, read it.
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  I rather you read it and hurt your feelings by reading this
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  stuff. Then they contact them and it
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  hurt your feelings. One is like, one is like it's
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  kind of self-inflicted, but it's like a little, it's a scratch.
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  It's a scratch. The other is a is, is is
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  self-inflicted because you reach out to them.
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  But it's a cut. You just put a what's that?
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  What's that Gordon Ramsay stuff? You just put a hex clad knife in
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  your arm. It cuts itself open.
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  So you are in control of your own destiny.
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  That's what I want people to realize.
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  That's what I want you to realize.
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  You are in control of your own destiny.
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  You are in charge. You really are.
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  You know, you might not feel like it all the time, Lee.
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  I don't feel like I don't feel like I'm in charge.
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  I understand that, but you are but you.
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  But you is you is you is in charge.
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  You might not feel like it, but you absolutely are did The power
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  dynamic has shifted to you and you have to see what you want to
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  do with it. Like stop giving them fuel and
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  give it to yourself. Yeah, you might feel down a
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  little while, but controlling your reactions and your
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  responses and your replies empower you and don't power
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  them. You don't want to get
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  continuously give narcissistic people power because you might
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  be free and clear of this toxic narcissistic bastard.
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  And then all of a sudden you get weak, you get sad and tell you
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  something to miss them. You get lonely, you let them
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  clap the cheeks and now y'all got a baby on the way.
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  Now you trapped forever. Now you stuck with dealing with
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  dealing with them forever depending on depending on your
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  belief system I'll say that. But that's what you, you're
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  stuck forever with this person in most cases.
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  And if you're not United States, you know what they're trying to
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  do now you might be stuck with like that might become a, that
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  might become a weapon of narcissistic people.
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  You think about it, they might because it's somebody, some, so
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  many people repeal some of these laws and install some of these
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  laws. That's going to be a weapon that
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  narcissistic people use because you can't get if you cannot, if
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  you it's illegal to get rid of babies or get rid of, you know,
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  have some abortions. The narcissistic people are
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  going to try to get you pregnant on purpose to be stuck with you
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  in their life or try to get pregnant by you on purpose.
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  You can't get rid of it. No, that's against the law.
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  So y'all got to watch out as these laws shift to benefit
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  toxicity. Y'all got to watch out.
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  So that's what I'm saying, controlling your reaction.
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  I know sometimes you're not in control because some people,
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  they take it from you and they should go to damn jail.
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  But you are in charge most of the time in these situations
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  because they fuel up off your reactions.
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  Your the bigger the reaction, the better quality the fuel.
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  You know, what's that grocery store at?
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  What's that grocery that that rich folk grocery store in in
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  California? Erwin.
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  Erwin. Someone like that is like going
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  from shopping at Walmart and shopping at Erwin.
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  You, you choose. You choose.
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  Yeah, I know I'm not a rich folk.
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  So I'm like, I don't know the name of the place, but you are
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  in charge. You're in control.
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  You have to empower yourself. You really truly do.
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  So stop giving them reactions. Stop feeding them now.
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  Don't feed them your reactions. We're not, we're not feeding
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  them no more. We're not feeding these toxic
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  narcissistic bastards no more of our reactions.
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  We're not giving them any more power because your reactions are
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  your power. Your reactions are also their
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  fuel and make you feel bad about yourself and make you get down
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  to yourself. So the more the better you get
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  of controlling your reactions, the better you off you will be.
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  And this is not me trying to let me end it with this right here.
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  This is not me trying to make it seem like it's an easy thing to
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  do or it's not going to hurt or it's not going to be hard.
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  It's going to be hurt. It's going to hurt.
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  It's going to be hard as hell sometimes to control those
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  reactions. You know, because they're going
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  to say something crazy and you want to pop off like I'm not
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  saying you going you got it's not a perfect science.
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  You going to pop off sometimes. Y'all you going to pop off
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  sometimes you like say you going to pop off sometimes and just
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  make sure you don't pop out to the point where you end up going
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  to jail. And then they they really do
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  win. They own they own maximum E
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  maximum F. So control your reactions.
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  Empower yourself because you yeah, you deserve for the best
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  type of life that you can go over and get like seriously
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  empower yourself. Take care of yourself.
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  If you need a support system, there's a support group to keep
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  you from going back into that toxicity.
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  Then join my support group, the mental healers.
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  It's called you can find in my mental healers course and my
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  support group at courses.mentalillness.net.
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  Check it out, join the support group.
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  It's an amazing support, amazing community of people on there
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  talking, chatting and getting their questions answered and
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  whatnot. I'm thankful for you and as
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  always, mental illness is out. Peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea.
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  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 12:16
  to the channel helps reach more people and click on the screen
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  to watch another video or to browse through another playlist.
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  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 12:23
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.