Latest / Forged In The Dark / Different Doors, Same Destination
Transcript
- Forged In The Dark: The entry point was different, but you ended up at the same place. You came in through different doors and ended up at the same place. Now, of course, there's a story here and I say it all the time, you can't make this stuff up. changing air filters, a trip to Lowe's, different doors. Same destination. Welcome to Forged in the Dark. I'm your host, Jamie. Let's dig in. Now people ask me all the time where I come up with the ideas for the show, and honestly, it's mostly from my life. I I can find extraordinary moments in ordinary moments, and and this story is exactly that. I realized I needed to change my air filters. I checked the sizes, and headed to Lowe's. So I'm in the aisle and and and I'm taking like a lay of the land. Okay, so basically we have three tiers of filters here, and and the price reflects the quality of the filter. So I find I find the one that I want and I'm looking for my sizes when another man enters the aisle and he's doing the exact same thing I'm doing. Now There was a piece of equipment parked kind of in the middle of the aisle. It was one of those, I don't know what it's called. It takes the pallets up to the very, very top shelf, or like up and down. And this man was looking at the filters that just happen to be blocked by this piece of machinery. So he looks at me and he says, Go figure what I want. is behind that. Why on earth would they leave that just sitting in the aisle? And so I do I do a quick little survey of the situation and and I offer to get the filters that he needs. Because I fit easily between the machine and where the filters are. Like I don't even have to squeeze. Like my whole body will just go right in, get the filters. But but he kind of looked at me oddly. And so as he's looking at me oddly, I ask again, sir, what size filter do you need? And he finally says 12 by 12. And this is probably the funniest part of the story because the 12 by 12 filter was literally right in front of his face. I pointed it and I said, You mean that one? So I guess an additional lesson here, like a hidden lesson here, is sometimes what we're looking for is literally right in front of our face. But that doesn't have anything to do. With coming in different doors and ending up at the same location or the same destination. So we are still very much, like he has his 12 by 12, but we're still very much in conversation. But very suddenly, at like as I selected my air filters, I went with the purple ones, he went with the gray ones, We are making the decisions that are right for us, for our homes. And This is where he shared that his wife had passed. it won't be a year until October, and that she always required the filters that I had. And now he can buy the cheap ones. And he's okay with the cheap ones because the indoor air quality quality is not important to him. But this story is not about air filters or air quality or which filter you're selecting. This comes down to we are told so many stories in life. We are given knowledge, we are given information, and we just assume it's correct. And this is where the conversation quickly went. Because I have not lost a spouse due to death, but I lost a spouse due to divorce. And I do not mean for this to sound insensitive. And the guy in the aisle, his name is Marty. And by this point, I knew his name was Marty. So I look at him and I say, Marty, I don't want to offend you. But between my personal experience and all of the people that I have worked with over the years, I have come to the determination that although death and divorce are two completely different things, one there's a choice, the other, the choice is taken away from you. But what happens after is the same or so similar, it's hard to split hairs. The big difference is the story that everyone is saying that these things are so different. And these aren't the only two examples I could give you. I mean, think about think about a 50 year old woman post divorce starting her life over, moving to a new home, moving to a new city, making new friends. How Different is that from a widow doing the same thing or a college student going away and living in a dorm for the first time. even if you haven't changed homes, your life just changed drastically overnight. And the reason I started with the air filter story is because we were both choosing air filters. And to you or or somebody else, choosing an air filter is just that. But for me and for Marty, choosing those air filters were it was just one small choice of hundreds and thousands of choices that we are making. In the rebuild. Whether it is death or divorce or any other tragic incident that that takes someone from you, there is not only a grieving process, but there is a rebuilding process. Now Marty is less than a year from losing his wife, and I'm nearly seven years divorced. So as I was selecting my filters and completely happy with the fact that I can choose whatever filters I want and I don't have anybody else to think of, that same fact made him sad. There was this pang of of of grief right there in the aisle. And we stood there and we talked about all of the parallels, all of the similarities, and how hard it is to actually rebuild your life. If you have spent 20, 30, 40 years with someone and all of a sudden they're gone, the reason they're gone matters a lot less than how you handle it. And and and this is the whole show in a nutshell becoming someone you've never been, doing the work that no one sees, the hundreds and thousands of choices that you are now making, and you're now making solo. So again, I did not go to the death and divorce example because I am being insensitive. I went there. Because to each and every person that wants to say it is so different, it's really not. Choosing air filters that day, Marty and I, I mean, he's already reached out. He's listening to the show. Marty didn't just get air filters, he got a new perspective, he got a new podcast to listen to. Because Ladies and gentlemen, we are far less alone than what we think. Someone you know is going through something very similar as you. The problem, the issue is the story that says we're not in the same boat. We're not on level or we're not on a level field. Mine is harder because of this. Yours is easier because of that. Those are just stories. At the end of the day, if you are going through the grieving process and you are rebuilding your life, there are other people out there that are doing the exact same thing. You all just came through different doors. Different doors, same destination. Different entry point, same pain points. Grieving is not easy. Rebuilding is not easy. It takes hundreds, thousands of choices that you used to make with somebody else that now you get to make for yourself. And although a lot of them may seem liberating, they will also still ultimately come. With with some sort of sadness, at least at first. All change takes time, patience, and repetition. All grieving takes time. All rebuilding takes time. And what if you have an entire network of people that understand? Where you are and are happy to support you, but the only thing that is stopping you is the story that you are saying, but it's so different. but we are so different. Going shopping for air filters, I never expected to meet Marty. I never expected to positively impact someone's life in Lowe's. And Marty and I came through different doors, but we definitely have a mutual understanding. So don't close yourself off to people just because they came through a different door. Okay, that's what I have for you today. Until next time.