Latest / Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist / S3E44 - How Play Therapy Helps Even When Nothing in Their Environment Changes

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S3E44 - How Play Therapy Helps Even When Nothing in Their Environment Changes · Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist

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  You're listening to the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast
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  with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
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  Hi,
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  I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
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  The Kid Counselor.
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  This is the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast where I give you insight,
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  awareness,
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  and enlightenment about your parenting
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  and your relationship with your kids.
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  In today's episode,
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  we are
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  almost to the end,
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  2nd to last Parent Companion series episode.
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  And today,
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  we are talking about
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  how children
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  work through things and develop coping and resilience
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  independent of the environment and the circumstance.
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  So let me
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  dive in a little bit so you understand what I mean.
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  Often one of the questions that we get asked
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  about a child beginning the therapeutic process
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  is,
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  how is this going to help if nothing changes,
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  Fill in the blank.
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  So,
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  nothing's going to change at mom's house,
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  or
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  they're still going to have a very contentious relationship with dad,
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  or
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  School is still not going to have any tolerance or any unconditional acceptance,
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  or
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  things are still going to be hectic and chaotic at home because of X,
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  Y,
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  Z.
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  So,
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  how is CCPT actually going to help if we can't
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  get that environment or that situation to improve?
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  Very
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  reasonable question.
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  But this is one of the things that is so special about child-centered play therapy.
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  CCPT works
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  because it's not about the environment,
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  it's not about the circumstance,
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  it's about the child.
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  So,
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  what does that mean practically?
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  Well,
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  they're going to develop coping skills.
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  They're going to develop resilience,
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  problem solving.
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  They're going to accept themselves more,
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  like themselves,
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  trust themselves.
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  Have an emotional vocabulary.
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  They're,
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  they're gaining all of these things.
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  And so what does that do?
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  Well,
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  when you don't possess any of those things.
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  You feel that you're at the mercy of your circumstance.
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  And you feel like you're the victim
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  of whatever's going on.
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  So,
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  dad is so mean
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  and
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  I'm the victim in this,
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  or
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  mom is so overbearing,
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  I'm the victim.
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  I'm at the mercy of that.
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  I have no control over that.
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  While that remains true.
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  What happens through the child-centered play therapy process
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  is the child actually starts to respond
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  totally differently
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  to those circumstances and environments.
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  They're no longer as negatively impacted.
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  It's no longer as overwhelming.
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  They no longer feel that they can't cope,
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  that they have no strategies to handle it.
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  So everything that was negative about the circumstance
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  or the relationship or the environment or whatever,
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  all of the negativity surrounding that.
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  It
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  is still exactly the same,
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  but the child has a totally different perspective
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  on that scenario.
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  So basically what happens is over time,
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  the child is acquiring all these skills.
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  Developing more self-esteem,
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  developing more worldview,
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  developing more regulation,
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  all the other things that I've already mentioned.
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  And so,
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  they go back to,
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  you know,
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  mom's house,
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  for example.
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  And it's still
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  angry or aggressive or,
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  you know,
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  alcohol's involved or whatever,
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  whatever the scenario is.
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  And,
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  you know,
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  usually we think,
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  gosh,
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  I wish that the child didn't have to.
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  To go and deal with that.
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  And that remains true.
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  I mean,
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  even for us,
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  when we're working with,
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  with children,
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  we often as therapists think,
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  gosh,
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  I wish that I could spare that child from whatever that scenario is.
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  But the beauty of CCPT
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  is that the child changes in the midst
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  of that circumstance.
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  And what used to be too much for them to handle,
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  what used to be overwhelming,
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  what used to take a toll on them emotionally,
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  what they used to feel victimized by.
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  They all of a sudden can advocate for themselves.
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  They understand their feelings and communicate them.
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  They
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  know how to regulate.
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  They believe in themselves to handle it.
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  They have problem solving
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  capabilities.
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  And so on and so forth.
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  So,
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  the environment is exactly the same,
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  but it no longer has the influence
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  that it once did.
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  And so over time,
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  instead of saying,
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  Gosh,
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  I can't do this.
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  I don't want to do this.
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  This is too much.
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  This is too hard.
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  I hate this.
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  So on and so forth.
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  The internal dialogue shifts to.
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  Yeah,
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  I still don't like it,
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  but.
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  And then there's a whole different dialogue.
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  So,
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  I still don't like it,
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  but
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  I can just tell him that I'm not gonna do that.
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  I still wish it was different,
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  but
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  I'll just figure out a way to solve the problem.
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  I'll handle it.
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  I hope that that doesn't keep happening,
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  but if it does,
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  I'll be OK.
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  And now all of a sudden we've pivoted
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  to
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  confidence
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  and competence.
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  And ability to trust yourself
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  and ownership over the future.
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  Because
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  now all of a sudden,
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  you're not saying,
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  oh no,
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  fear-based avoidance-based.
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  I can't do that.
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  I won't do that.
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  I can't handle that.
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  That's gonna be too much.
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  That's awful.
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  That's,
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  I'll do anything in my power to not have to deal with that.
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  Which causes maladaptive coping.
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  Then you get anxiety,
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  then you get withdrawal,
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  then you get aggression,
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  then you get power and control.
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  So,
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  if you have fear and avoidance-based
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  thinking,
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  You operate in a certain way.
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  If you have confident,
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  competent
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  base thinking,
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  You say,
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  well,
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  I'm going to be all right no matter what.
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  I mean,
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  look,
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  I wouldn't choose that.
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  I don't like it.
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  I wish it was different.
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  But in the end,
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  everything's going to work out because I'm going to be OK.
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  And that is the huge shift.
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  So the coping skills
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  are what equip the child to manage and handle.
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  So that they're not negatively impacted by the environment
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  and the circumstance and the relationship or whatever.
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  We can never control other people
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  as much as we would love to.
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  You only have control over yourself.
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  That's your PSA for the week.
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  You only have control over yourself.
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  So,
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  as much as we would love to say,
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  I'm going to tell them,
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  I'm going to make them,
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  I'm going to force them,
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  I'm going to refuse,
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  I'm going to,
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  that's trying to control other people's behaviors and that's futile.
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  So children are able to
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  do the work,
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  gain what they need.
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  Build up tolerance and
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  regulation and awareness and all of these things,
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  and then they go into an environment
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  and
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  they control themselves because that's the only person over who they have control.
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  So they're going to control themselves,
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  and they know that they're going to be OK.
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  So that is one of the greatest gains,
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  I think,
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  of the child-centered play therapy process.
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  You really equip your children
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  to handle anything
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  moving forward.
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  And they believe that they can handle anything moving forward.
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  That's exactly what we want
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  because that kind of confidence
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  allows you to
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  achieve anything
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  long term,
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  you know,
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  even as a 40,
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  50,
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  60 year old,
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  if you learn in childhood,
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  I'll be all right.
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  I'll figure it out.
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  I can handle anything.
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  You speak that to yourself and it becomes true.
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  Self-fulfilling prophecy.
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  We've talked about that before.
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  So,
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  I hope that that encourages you.
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  We have one more.
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  Parent Companion
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  series episode
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  coming next time.
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  And then we're gonna wrap up that series.
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  So I hope that you've enjoyed it.
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  I love y'all.
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  Keep loving on your kids.
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  We'll talk again soon.
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  Bye.
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  Thank you for listening to
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  the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
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  For more episodes and just subscribe to our newsletter,
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  please go to www.playtherapyparenting.com.