Latest / The Habit Lab / Episode 46: Redefining Success- by Living in Tune with Life's Seasons

Transcript

Episode 46: Redefining Success- by Living in Tune with Life's Seasons · The Habit Lab

• 1:08
  Speaker 1: We all have areas in our life we might feel stuck or overwhelmed.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: So join me, jenna Zint, habit Coach, teacher and follower of Jesus, as we go after little bits of better by building offensively small habits that create big impact.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: This is the Habit Lab Podcast.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Habit Lab.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: I'm Jenna Zint.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: This episode I'm going to get back to trying to get to smaller podcast episodes because they're getting a little bit.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: Some of them have been longer and I want to be offensively small with my bite-sized bits.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: So this episode is about a habit that I have started doing, that kind of grew organically as a solution to some frustration that I experienced when I was going after this journey of habits.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: But I'm actually in the process of making this little mini course.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: It's called Reboot your Habits and it's kind of like some of the.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: It's a lot of the principles that I did.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: I did a mini course called Setting Up your Summer, but then this fall I taught a lot on time management and life management and I realized there's kind of the combo of the two is an evergreen course on teaching people how to revive their routines, because a lot of times people don't need like.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: The master course is this deep dive into restructuring, rethinking how you imagine habits and behavior change.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: And obviously it's 10 weeks and it's longer, this little mini course, it's only three modules because I think a lot of people could experience a lot more margin, a lot less overwhelm, if they simply took a bit of time to like strategically build out their season and not by just like using a lot of new habits but actually going into the past, what has worked, and kind of reviving those and purposely like designing your habits for this season.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: So that's where this actually episode comes from, because in creating daily routines and in making a template for how a week flows, when you're living out of your core values and showing up in the ways and all the roles you embody, like as a mom, with marriage with the Lord, with your friends, to yourself, as a housekeeper, maybe as a business owner there's just intentionality is really what gets you there.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: It's not like a personality, it's not a money set, it's like I watch people with a lot of money not be intentional with how they build their lives and they live chaotic and I wouldn't want their life.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: And I watch people who maybe don't have a lot, but they're just intentional and there's contentment and gratitude and they feel so present in their life.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: So I think the awareness of, oh, the missing piece is actually just taking a bit of intentionality to build what you're looking for.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: So, that being said, of intentionality to build what you're looking for.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: So, that being said, this episode comes out of a question I ask myself at night.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: It's really simple, but at the end of the day I ask myself if I spent my time well today.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, if I'm honest, sometimes I think of the question.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: The other version of the question could be am I proud of how I spent my time today?
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: But I've found that proud could be kind of a trigger word for some Christians and they and frankly, like I'm for sure, on a journey of pride, humility.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: So me, probably not me.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Rewording the question might be helpful, but it gets at the heart of this.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: If you're going after, like, designing your habits and having daily rhythms, and if you're really going after consistency, what do you do when you don't hit that, like when you don't actually get through your to-do list?
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: And so I make a daily list of what my day looks like.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: What do I do on days, especially with kids, when things are out of my control?
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: How do I reconcile what my plan was with what actually happened.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: So what I've started doing is just realizing.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: I reflect at the end of the day did I spend my time well?
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: And the difference is that I'm not asking if I was perfect, I'm not asking myself if I followed my to-do list perfectly.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: I actually realized that when it mattered most, when I went off script, so when I didn't do a few of the things maybe that were on my list, when I didn't do that routine after school, what did I do?
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: And when I think back remember we have this concept of choosing curiosity, being a scientist, not a judge I'm purposely looking at how I spent the time.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to use that example.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: In the afternoon of stuff, I'm sitting in bed thinking about how I didn't get some stuff done that I thought I was this afternoon and be like okay, how did I show up?
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: What did I use the time?
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: In that moment I'm like actually Wesley was pretty dysregulated.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Actually this is just.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: That was a made up answer.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: But in general, probably my answer when my afternoon plans go awry is that one of my kids was dysregulated and so then I'm like okay, so you actually gave your energy to a little bit of connection so they could find regulation.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: And then you talked through it and then they needed a little more help with their afternoon routine.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: So what you had planned to do at the same time couldn't happen because you were helping them and I'm like, yeah, that's accurate.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: So do at the same time couldn't happen because you were helping them and I'm like, yeah, that's accurate.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: So then instantly I'm like, okay, did you?
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: So you didn't do what you thought you were going to do.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: You are not a little robot who showed up to live her life today, but did you?
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: When you went off script, did you choose to spend your time?
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Well, because there's like this powerful choice versus feeling like a victim to my interruptions or what made me go awry, versus feeling like a victim to my interruptions or what made me go awry, which we only need a victim if we're pointing the finger because we feel shame or blame, like we feel not proud of how we showed our time.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: So asking this question has really gone after me being, even if I spend my time differently than what I had thought in the morning.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: I cannot anticipate or forecast what the day is going to hold, but when I am in that moment where I get to choose to either follow the script or go off script, script, to-do list, plan, habits, whatever you want to call it Like, was I prioritizing what my priority was in that moment?
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: And most of the time I would say 70% of the time I'm like yeah, and I would say that most of the time the answer when things go off is like I was choosing relationship or connection in that moment.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: So, whether it was to talk longer to that mom after school or go circle back to the teacher because I'm not understanding what's happening here, or gosh, I'm trying to think through things, or no, having a friend who's having a hard time and stopping by to see them, or drop something off on the way, when that happens in that moment and I'm at night reflecting like oh, that's where it went off script, did I make a good choice?
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: And that moment was I prioritizing actually what's a priority in my season in my life?
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: I'm like oh, yeah, okay then.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: So that kind of settles it for me.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Of like shame, you don't get to have a vote with how I spent my time because I, in the moment, chose connection when it presented itself as a need.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: Like I'm actually a strategic human that has to calibrate what comes at her, and not calibrate but like assess and then choose in the moment and do like being proud.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: So that little question makes me reflect and be like, okay, you choose connection.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: So I would say 70% of the time that is true, but then 30% of the time maybe I'm like, actually I was saying that's connection.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: But I think really why I stopped by Target was not just because I thought that would be a distraction for the kids, but I wanted to avoid going home, or that sounded more fun, or that sounded like part of me wanted the dopamine hit from going into Target.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: I'm like, okay.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: So then, as I got curious because I'm not going to judge what I'm discovering I get more honest answers.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I wonder if what was the cost of skipping your afternoon routine to do that Like a spontaneous little trip when the kids were like let's go get ba-ba-ba.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: And you said yes and you forewent your original plan Like blah, blah, blah.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: And you said yes and you forewent your original plan.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Like, oh, actually I had to stay up later to do it.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Oh, actually the kids were a little more rushed when we had less homework time at home, because then we had to push through to be on time for piano.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh interesting.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: So again, I'm staying out of judgment.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: I'm like I don't actually think that was probably worth it.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: I bet I could have found something else that could have been connecting, that didn't have such a big cost literally time-wise or money-wise that could have hit that mark.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: So then next time with the crazy part, though, is when I look at how I spent my time and if it was, yep, I'm proud of it I prioritize connection or no.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: I probably could have.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: That wasn't my best choice.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: I want to do something differently next time.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: When you're being curious without judgment, you can decide what factors got you there and how you want to edit your outcome.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: So then, for me, next time, I'm like, okay, next time I feel the draw to go home or to like hit target on the way home, like I'm going to remind myself that actually, these four costs are hidden costs that now I've looked at plainly and they aren't worth that little 30 minutes of kind of dopamine, kind of chaos while I'm managing my children and all the things they want, and a tight budget.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: That's actually not worth it.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: Almost I was glamorizing the fruit of the target run while minimizing the cost to the other things I had planned, and actually, if I had stayed on script, it would have been a more thoughtful choice than going off script, but then it helps me, like this is actually how I've been able to manage and change my behavior is when I, at the end of the day, look at where I deviated and again be proud of the moments that I made the good choice and silence shame, or the moments I'm like I don't know that that was the best choice.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Then decide differently.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: The best choice, then decide differently, like what led me there and what am I going to do differently, and it's so changed my behavior in ways that, like when I just did judgment or there was no room to be a human in the middle of building habits and consistency I wasn't able to find.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: So what I want to say, though the reason this podcast was inspired just from that little simple habit is because, as I was building this little mini course, one of the main the first sessions sorry, one of the first sessions is actually to define what your goal is for the season, and I had a couple coaching experiences this week where I was working with people and they're like man, I just keep not doing my plan and I'm not managing my time.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: Well, and as I got to it, what I realized that is, if you don't actually have a clearly defined goal for your season or word for your season, whatever you want to call it marching orders for your season and again, I'm going to say season, but I'm in literally a three month period you don't actually know, you can't do this reflection thing at the end of the day because you don't know if you hit it, if you don't know what you're trying to hit which I know sounds silly, but what I mean is, in the summer time, my goal this summer.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: So I have like a little, I call them a word for each season goal.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: I am not type A, I'm not super driven by results.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: So whenever I'm doing any time management or like strategy or planning, I have to.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: I use different words, not because because I'm tricking myself I guess not really but actually I connect to those words versus the more stoic executive, business coaching words, if that makes sense.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: So I actually call them words for my season because I do invite the Holy Spirit and I also see what I have on my plate and I notice where I'm feeling resistance or I need to recalibrate, and that's what goes into getting the word for my season.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: But when I have that word, I then have a target.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: So then at the end of the night I can say like, hey, not saying universally, did I hit it today?
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: Because in this season how I spent my hours hits that goal.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: If I was comparing how I spent my day this today, I was going to say Tuesday.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: I'm like what day is it?
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: Clearly, if I had had this kind of day literally filled with the calendar that I did in the summer, my answer would have been no, I didn't spend my time well, because in the summer my goal is connection and being present with my family, and today was a very work oriented day.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: But so, do you see what I'm saying?
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: My target shifted.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: Therefore, my answer of how did I spend my day well today, or my time well, is different.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: So I think a lot of people don't realize how important of a first step that is in being able to be proud of how you're showing up, in being able to manage your time, is actually decide what your goal is.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to say word, I keep saying goal, but it really is word for my season, and then two.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes people think season.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: I actually think, every three months what I've noticed, man doing this long enough with hundreds of people.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: People's seasons usually change about every three months, which also obviously correlates to the calendar year.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: It doesn't have to line up perfectly, but usually that's kind of the timeline when things are shifting with your commitments, with the time schedule, like, literally, you know, when the sun rises and sets start shifting, the weather starts shifting, so then that causes influence on how you spend your time, so then your habits have to change.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: If how you're spending your time is changing, then literally that's kind of the currency of your habits.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: So, that being said, I think it's really important when you're deciding, like if you're going to engage with this little habit of like do I spend my day as well to actually define what is your goal for the season.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: What's your word for the season?
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: Mine is expanding, we're in a building season, it's more business focused and it's expanding our tent.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: And therefore, when I look at my calendar, what it has on it this week, I'm like those are good choices.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: If this week was in the middle of the summer, where my goal was reconnecting, rerouting something else, darn it.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: Thriving as a connected family or something like that.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Um, that week would not match that goal for that season.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: So actually clearly defining I almost think of it I actually think I said this in my mini course but defining the blueprint of what the house looks like that you're building is essential before you put up a wall.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: If you're going to start putting drywall up but you don't know what the house is meant to look like, you're going to be like almost like waste your effort and be less effective.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: So, anyways, as you're doing this little habit, I'd love for you to go on a journey of being okay with, like, not being a robot, a machine of consistency.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: That's not the goal but to just simply ask yourself actually, here I wrote this At the end of the day, it's not about checking off every task perfectly or being a robot of consistency, it's about reflecting on how I spent my time.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: There's this great quote by Annie Dillard that I actually put in my mini course that is how you spend your minutes, is how you spend your hours, is how you spend your days, is how you spend your life.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: So kind of actually recalibrating to how I spend my minutes is important because those are the building blocks of our life.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: But in that asking did I make space for what truly matters?
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: But to get to that point that I was just making, you need to know what matters in the season, because your priorities shift.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Just like a farmer does not plants in one season, nurtures it in another season Clearly I'm a farmer, I don't know what the word is and then has a harvest in another season, so does your life.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: We are not meant to be consistent robots, but you do need to know what season you're in so that you calibrate your habits accordingly, so you can know if you're doing a good job, like at the end of the day.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: If you can, when you're sitting in bed, ask yourself did I spend my time?
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: Well, sometimes it's the moments that we go off script that hold the most meaning.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: We have to let go of guilt, and that is what allows me to celebrate the small, unexpected win.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: But here's the thing we can't release guilt if we don't know what we're building.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: If you're feeling like it's never enough, it's probably because your goal isn't clear.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: That is why I am excited about my habit reboot mini course.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: My voice got out there, you could hear it.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: I was trying to be a hype woman.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm always kind of a hype woman, right With the tone and the volume that I speak with.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: This course is going to help you define your goals so you can build habits that align with what truly matters Quieting the guilt and helping you show up intentionally, but not perfectly.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: I always remind myself it's the pace of grace.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: This is such a grace-centered approach to building consistency.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: Stay tuned, because this course is going to be awesome.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: It's probably going to help solve some of those struggles that a lot of us feel around trying to constantly play catch up or almost like reacting to our lives.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: So I hope that helps.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: With that little small question, I'd love for you to try it out at the end of your day, reflecting like did I spend my time well today, the times that you went off script, asking yourself did I prioritize what actually mattered with my priority?
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: Again, you need to know what your priority is in this season, to answer that question, and then probably you're going to find 70% of the time the answer is yes.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: So then you can just release the shame and be proud that you noticed the pivot and pivoted accordingly, and then the 30% that you're like ah, actually I wish I would have done something differently.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: Look at it without judgment to decide what you'd like to do different next time, because that data is going to be part of what makes you make a different choice the next time that choice presents itself.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, I hope that's helpful.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Woohoo, this is 16 minutes.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: You guys, I'm killing the short game.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: But if you want some help killing your habits, I am still taking one on one clients.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: I felt like a car salesman in that moment.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: The link will be in the show notes.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: I'd love to work with you.