Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How to Run Your First Team Retrospective as a New Manager
Transcript
- Lucas: You've been managing a team for maybe two months. You're finally past the fire drills. And then someone on your team says, 'Hey, should we do a retrospective on that last project?' And your first thought is — what exactly is that, and how do I not make it awkward? Luna: Or worse — you schedule it, and it turns into a venting session where nobody leaves feeling better. Lucas: Exactly. And that's actually the most common fear I hear from first-time managers about retrospectives. They're afraid it'll become a blame game or a complaint fest. But when done right, a retrospective is one of the highest-leverage tools you have as a new manager — it builds a culture of honest feedback without it feeling personal. Luna: So what does 'done right' actually look like? Walk me through the mechanics. Lucas: Let me anchor this in a real example. When I was managing a five-person content team at a B2B SaaS company back in 2023, I ran our first retrospective after a product launch that had some major timeline hiccups. The team was frustrated, and I could feel tensions simmering. So I used a very simple three-question format: 'What went well?', 'What didn't go well?', and 'What will we change next time?' Luna: That sounds almost too simple. Did people actually engage with it? Lucas: They did, but only because I set the rules upfront. I said, 'This is not about blaming anyone — including myself. We're talking about processes and outcomes, not people.' I wrote those ground rules on a whiteboard. And then I asked each person to write their answers on sticky notes silently for five minutes before we shared. Luna: Oh, the silent writing phase — that's key. Keeps the loudest voices from dominating. Lucas: Exactly. And it forces everyone to reflect individually before groupthink sets in. After the five minutes, we went around the table, person by person, and shared one item from each category. I didn't allow cross-talk or rebuttals during the sharing. We just collected the data. Luna: That's smart. Because if you let someone interrupt and say, 'Well actually, that's not true,' you're immediately in defense mode. Lucas: Right. The goal is to surface all the observations first, then talk about patterns. When we got to the 'What will we change?' part, we grouped similar ideas and then voted on the top two or three to actually implement. That gave the team ownership over the solutions, not just the complaints. Luna: And did you follow up on those changes? Because I think that's where a lot of retros fall apart — you have the meeting, you make a list, and then nothing changes. Lucas: That's the single biggest mistake new managers make. You have to close the loop. We created a simple tracker — a shared doc — with the action items, who owned each, and a deadline. And I brought it up at the start of every team meeting for the next month: 'How's that change we decided on going?' If you don't follow through, you're teaching your team that their input doesn't matter. Luna: That's such a good point. And it's a trust builder if you do follow through. A friend of mine had a manager who ran a retro after a failed product launch, and the whole thing turned into a blame spiral because the manager started defending their own decisions. My friend said nobody ever volunteered honest feedback again. Lucas: Yeah, that's the death spiral. The manager's defensiveness signals that the retro is not actually safe. As a new manager, you have to be the most vulnerable person in the room. I started my retro by saying, 'Here's what I think I could have done better in the launch process.' That sets the tone that it's okay to be imperfect. Luna: So the manager goes first in admitting a mistake? Lucas: Not necessarily first in the order, but you should model the behavior you want to see. If you want people to talk about failures openly, you have to show that you can talk about your own. And it's not about grand confessions — just a specific, honest acknowledgment. Something like, 'I should have clarified the decision-making process earlier.' Luna: That feels human. And it disarms the team a bit. Lucas: Absolutely. Another practical tip: keep the retro short. The first time, aim for thirty minutes max. If you go longer, people disengage. As you get better, you can stretch to an hour for bigger projects. But starting with a tight timebox makes it feel manageable, not like a marathon complaint session. Luna: And what about frequency? Should new managers do this after every project? Lucas: At the beginning, I'd say do it after any significant milestone — a product launch, a big client deliverable, the end of a quarter. You don't need to do it after every two-week sprint if that's too much. But definitely schedule the first one within your first ninety days as a manager. It signals that you value continuous improvement. Luna: Right. And it also gives you a structured way to hear from the team without it feeling like a performance review. Lucas: Exactly — and that's the real payoff. As a new manager, you're trying to build trust and psychological safety. A well-run retrospective is one of the fastest ways to show your team that their voice matters and that you're not going to punish them for telling the truth. Luna: So let me ask you this — what's the one thing a new manager should absolutely not do in their first retro? Lucas: Don't try to solve every problem in the room. The impulse is to say, 'Okay, issue one — let's fix that now.' But you'll burn out your team and yourself. Pick the top two or three changes and commit to those. Leave the rest for the next retro. It's better to make steady progress on a few things than to overwhelm everyone with a giant action plan that never gets executed. Luna: That makes sense. And it also keeps the retro forward-looking — you're not just rehashing the past, you're actually shaping the future. Lucas: Precisely. And that's the mindset shift for the new manager: you're not a historian documenting what went wrong; you're a coach helping the team get better. The retrospective is a coaching tool, not a performance review. Luna: I love that framing. I think a lot of managers get stuck in the 'fixing' mode instead of the 'coaching' mode. Lucas: Right. And if you can get that right early in your management career, you'll build a team that's constantly improving and actually wants to give you honest feedback — which is priceless. Luna: Before we wrap, I know this is the kind of practical advice that really helps new managers — and it's exactly why we make this show. If it's been useful to you, and you've thought about supporting us, a few listeners chip in through buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's what keeps the show ad-free and focused on real, actionable content. Lucas: Yeah, it's a small group that makes this possible, and we're grateful. No pressure — just wanted to mention it. Luna: Alright, back to retros. Lucas, any last piece of advice for the manager who's about to run their first one next week? Lucas: Yes: prepare a simple agenda and share it at least a day in advance. Include the three questions, remind them of the ground rules — no blame, focus on process — and let them know it's thirty minutes. That way nobody walks in anxious about what's going to happen. And then just listen more than you talk. You'll be amazed what you learn. Luna: Great advice. Thanks, Lucas. Lucas: Thanks, Luna. See you next time.