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Andy Stanley - Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets, Part 5_ The Maturity Question · Andy Stanley Sermons

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: So when our kids were old enough to drive, I
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: decided not to give them a curfew. You know, a curfew,
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: a specific time to be home. And the reason is this.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: My personal experience with curfew as a teenage driver convinced
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: me that the traditional approach to curfew is a terrible idea.
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  Speaker 1: At sixteen years old, curfew transformed me into an overly
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  Speaker 1: aggressive weekend driver. Now, on weekdays I was fine, But
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: on Friday and Saturday nights not so much. And you
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  Speaker 1: know why, because on Friday and Saturday nights I found
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  Speaker 1: myself suffering from five minute syndrome, the five minute syndrome.
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  Speaker 1: You know what this is. I can stay well, I
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: can stay just five more minutes, and then five minutes later,
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  Speaker 1: I can just stay five minutes. I've got five more minutes,
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  Speaker 1: and before long I had to be home in you
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  Speaker 1: guessed it, actually, maybe you remember it. I had to
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: be home in five minutes. I had to be home
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: in five minutes, regardless of how many minutes it would
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  Speaker 1: actually take me to get home, which explains my overly
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  Speaker 1: aggressive weekend driving. So when my kids started driving, I
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: didn't tell them what time to be home. I told
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  Speaker 1: them what time to leave for home, and thanks to
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  Speaker 1: sell technology, I knew if they left on time. Now
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: you have experienced some version of this curfew dynamic as
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  Speaker 1: an adult, where your margin for error got gobbled up
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  Speaker 1: with just five more minutes thinking Whether it was one
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  Speaker 1: more drink, one more business trip, one more sleeve of cookies,
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  Speaker 1: one more pair of shoes, one more swipe of the
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  Speaker 1: credit card, whatever it is, the outcome is usually the same.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: And here's where the math begins to fall apart. One more.
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  Speaker 1: One more rarely adds anything when it comes to five
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  Speaker 1: minute thinking, five more minute thinking, one more rarely adds anything.
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  Speaker 1: In fact, worse, it usually subtracts. One more actually results
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  Speaker 1: in less, oftentimes of what we value the most. Right,
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: And while it's been a while since curfew dictated your
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  Speaker 1: driving habits, your current driving habits, in fact are influenced
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  Speaker 1: by a similar dynamic. Unless you are a very very
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  Speaker 1: unusual driver, you drive either at or slightly above the
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  Speaker 1: posted speed limit. Right, And while most of us feel
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  Speaker 1: little to no guilt driving faster than the posted speed limit,
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  Speaker 1: none of us want to get pulled over. So what
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  Speaker 1: do we do. Well, We choose the speed that we're
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  Speaker 1: convinced allows us to break the law while avoiding an
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  Speaker 1: encounter with the law. And my point, whether it's curfew, diet, driving, spending,
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  Speaker 1: our natural inclination, you know this, Our natural inclination is
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  Speaker 1: to live as close to the line as possible. Which line, well,
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  Speaker 1: the line between legal and illegal, the line between responsible
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  Speaker 1: and irresponsible, the line between moral and immoral, the line
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  Speaker 1: between ethical and unethical, the line between I'm still in
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  Speaker 1: control and I need help. And it's just human nature.
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  Speaker 1: It's human nature to snuggle up to the edge of irresponsibility, disaster, embarrassment,
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  Speaker 1: and to stay there life long as possible. It's human
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  Speaker 1: nature to get by with as much as we can
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  Speaker 1: get by with without becoming our own worst enemy, without
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  Speaker 1: being grounded, embarrassed or expelled, fired or kicked out of
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  Speaker 1: the house. And here's the thing fueling fueling this, this
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  Speaker 1: incessant flirtation with disaster, is a flawed assumption that informs
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  Speaker 1: so many of our decisions, an assumption that well, it
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  Speaker 1: basically impedes our ability to make good decisions. And this
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  Speaker 1: assumption is why I think we're so comfortable living, dating, spending, eating, drinking,
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  Speaker 1: and driving on the edge of embarrassment or worse, and
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  Speaker 1: So for the sake of clarity, I'll illustrate this assumption
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  Speaker 1: with four contrasting ideas. Here's the assumption I'm talking about.
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  Speaker 1: If it's not wrong, well, then it's all right. If
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  Speaker 1: it's not illegal, then clearly it's permissible. If it's not immoral,
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  Speaker 1: it's acceptable. And if it's not over the line, it's fine. Now,
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  Speaker 1: if the problem with this way of thinking is not
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  Speaker 1: immediately impaerable, parent, just just put on your older or
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: brother's sister hat for a moment. If you're a parent,
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: just put on your parent hat for a moment. I bet,
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  Speaker 1: And we've never met, probably, but I bet you don't
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  Speaker 1: set the bar that low for your children. You don't
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  Speaker 1: set the bar that low for anybody that you care about.
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  Speaker 1: To embrace these assumptions is to organize your life or
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  Speaker 1: to organize somebody else's life around the lowest common denominator. Right. Essentially,
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  Speaker 1: we're asking how low can I go? How how close
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  Speaker 1: to bad can I get without actually being bad? How
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  Speaker 1: close to wrong can I get without actually doing something wrong?
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  Speaker 1: Or if you're religious, how close to sin can I
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  Speaker 1: get without actually sinning? But it doesn't stop there, does it?
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  Speaker 1: Before long, we're asking how far over the line can
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  Speaker 1: I go without getting caught or experiencing any consequences? How unethical,
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  Speaker 1: how immoral? How insensitive can I be without creating unmanageable outcomes?
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  Speaker 1: How long can I neglect my family, or my finances
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  Speaker 1: or my health without out feeling the effects? How much
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  Speaker 1: can I indulge an addictive behavior without actually becoming addicted.
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  Speaker 1: It's a slippery, dangerous slope, and it all begins by
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  Speaker 1: asking the wrong question, is there anything wrong with this?
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  Speaker 1: A question that usually leads to a second question, how
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  Speaker 1: did I get myself into this? Drawing our line, setting
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  Speaker 1: our limits? I'm establishing our moral or ethical standards on
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  Speaker 1: the borderline between right and wrong, legal, illegal, healthy and
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  Speaker 1: unhealthy eliminates any margin for air. It is a foolish
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  Speaker 1: and it's a dangerous way to live. And here's the thing.
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  Speaker 1: I haven't told you anything you don't already know. We
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  Speaker 1: already know this, right. It's why we respond the way
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  Speaker 1: we do when someone we love start snuggling up to
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  Speaker 1: one of those elusive lines. Right. We don't react to
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  Speaker 1: what they're doing, do we We react to where they're heading
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  Speaker 1: In those moments. We just know intuitively that the issue isn't.
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  Speaker 1: In fact, the question isn't is there anything wrong, illegal,
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  Speaker 1: or moral about what they're doing? We know intuitively that
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  Speaker 1: there's there's a more important question, a better question that
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  Speaker 1: needs to be asked, A question that if we ask it,
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  Speaker 1: if they ask it, will ensure a better decision. A
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  Speaker 1: question that, if asked and answered honestly and acted on,
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  Speaker 1: will ensure that they avoid avoidable regret. And the truth
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  Speaker 1: is this, if you'll get in a habit of asking
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  Speaker 1: this better question, you'll avoid avoidable regret as well. And
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  Speaker 1: that question, that question is the fourth of five questions
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  Speaker 1: we're exploring in this series. Better decisions, Fewer regrets, better decisions,
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  Speaker 1: fewer regrets. Now, if you've been tracking along with this,
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  Speaker 1: you know that the idea behind this series is the
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  Speaker 1: often overlooked relationship between good questions and good decisions. Good
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  Speaker 1: questions actually set us up for better decisions. It could
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  Speaker 1: be argued that the decisions you make are no better
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  Speaker 1: than the questions that you ask. And I'm absolutely convinced
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  Speaker 1: that if you will ask, and if you will adim
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  Speaker 1: answer honestly, and if you will act on your answer
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  Speaker 1: to these five questions, you will make better decisions. And
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  Speaker 1: consequently you will be forced to live with fewer regrets.
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  Speaker 1: Your life will be better, and the people who look
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  Speaker 1: to you, the people who depend on you, their lives
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  Speaker 1: will be better as well, because we aren't the only
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  Speaker 1: people impacted by our decisions, are we? And we aren't
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  Speaker 1: the only people impacted by our regrets either. Again, if
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  Speaker 1: you've been following along in this series, you'll know that
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  Speaker 1: the first question we explored is called the integrity question.
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  Speaker 1: The integrity question, and the integrity question is am I
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  Speaker 1: being honest with myself? Am I being honest with myself? Really,
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  Speaker 1: the easiest person to deceive in your life is the
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  Speaker 1: person you see every morning in the mirror. And as
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  Speaker 1: long as you are lying to yourself, you will never
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  Speaker 1: get to where you want to be because you'll never
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  Speaker 1: get to where you want to be until you're honest
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  Speaker 1: about where you currently are. Our second question is the
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  Speaker 1: legacy question. The legacy question is what story do I
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  Speaker 1: want to tell? Where we want to tell? When the
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  Speaker 1: decision you're in the process of making right now, whether
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  Speaker 1: it's relational, financial, academic, professional, whatever it is. When the
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  Speaker 1: decision that you're making right now is nothing more than
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  Speaker 1: a story, you tell, what story do you want to tell?
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  Speaker 1: And the good news is you get to decide. But
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  Speaker 1: you decide the story of your life one decision at
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  Speaker 1: a time, because as far as it's up to you,
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  Speaker 1: you write the story of your life one decision at
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  Speaker 1: a time. Now, last time we were together, we explored
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  Speaker 1: the conscience question. The third question is the conscience question.
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  Speaker 1: The conscience question is is there attention that deserves my
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  Speaker 1: attention when everything looks good on paper, when everybody's nodding
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  Speaker 1: in agreement, but there's something on the inside that just
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  Speaker 1: doesn't feel right about an option that you're considering. You
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  Speaker 1: can't put your finger on it, but there's just something
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  Speaker 1: not right. Pause and pay attention to that tension. And
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  Speaker 1: that brings us at last to our fourth question. And
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  Speaker 1: I call this one the maturity question. The maturity question now,
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  Speaker 1: and I call it the maturity question, and I hope
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  Speaker 1: this is a personal challenge. I call it the maturity
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  Speaker 1: question because asking this question requires and is evidence of,
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  Speaker 1: I think maturity. And refusing to ask this question, well,
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  Speaker 1: it takes us back to the statement we began this
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  Speaker 1: series with from Proverbs, the one I suggested you memorize
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  Speaker 1: the prudent see danger remember this, the prudent seed danger,
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  Speaker 1: and they take refuge. Prudent people are wise people. They
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  Speaker 1: embrace the reality that one thing leads to another, and
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  Speaker 1: they decide their lives accordingly. The unwise, the immature, the naive.
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  Speaker 1: You know how the statement goes, the pruden seed danger
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  Speaker 1: and take refuge. But the simple, the simple, they keep going,
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  Speaker 1: and what happens, they pay the penalty. So our maturity
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  Speaker 1: question is the maturity question is what is the wise
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  Speaker 1: thing to do? What is the wise thing to do
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  Speaker 1: when making a decision of any consequence. I want you
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  Speaker 1: to pause and ask, Okay, what is the wise thing
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  Speaker 1: for me to do? The option you're considering may be legal,
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  Speaker 1: maybe acceptable, permissible, an industry standard, not exactly immoral, but
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  Speaker 1: is it wise? Now, here's something mature people understand. This
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  Speaker 1: is why I love calling this the maturity question. Here's
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  Speaker 1: something that mature people understand and recognize and accept as fact.
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  Speaker 1: A decision. Don't miss this. A decision can be both
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  Speaker 1: not wrong and unwise at the same time. A decision
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  Speaker 1: or an option you're exploring can be not wrong. It's
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  Speaker 1: not wrong, but it can be not wrong and unwise
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  Speaker 1: at the same time. Let me explain this, isn't it true?
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  Speaker 1: And I hate to bring this up, but isn't it
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  Speaker 1: true that your greatest regret And when I say greatest regret,
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  Speaker 1: I'm talking about that moment of regret, the moment that
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  Speaker 1: you would give almost anything to be able to go
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  Speaker 1: back and relive or undo the decision. You would like
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  Speaker 1: to be able to go back and unmake the tipping point,
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  Speaker 1: the point of no return, that moment, that moment. Isn't
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  Speaker 1: it true that your greatest regret was preceded by a
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  Speaker 1: series of unwise decisions. They weren't wrong, they weren't illegal,
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  Speaker 1: they weren't necessarily immoral, but looking back, they were terribly
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  Speaker 1: terribly unwise. And that series of unwise decisions paved the way.
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  Speaker 1: Think about it, paved the way to the moment in
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  Speaker 1: time you've regretted ever since. So to avoid five more
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  Speaker 1: minutes syndrome, to create moral and ethical and financial margin,
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  Speaker 1: ask of every invitation, every opportunity, every option that comes
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  Speaker 1: your way, what is the wise thing for me to do?
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  Speaker 1: What is the wise thing for me to do? Now?
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  Speaker 1: The apostle Paul spells this out for us, and the
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  Speaker 1: letter that he wrote to Christians living in ephesis. We
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  Speaker 1: call it the Book of Ephesians. And here's what he writes.
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  Speaker 1: And he goes right to the heart of this tension
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  Speaker 1: that all of us live with and really that all
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  Speaker 1: of us wrestle with every single day. Here's what he writes.
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  Speaker 1: He says, be very careful then, how you live? Very careful? Then,
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  Speaker 1: how you live? Not as unwise here's our word, not
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  Speaker 1: as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity.
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  Speaker 1: Because the days are evil. So while a lot has
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  Speaker 1: improved since the first century, apparently human nature has not.
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  Speaker 1: Ancient folks and us modern folks are equally prone to
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  Speaker 1: live carelessly and unwisely, to snuggle up to the edge
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  Speaker 1: of disaster and pretty much stay there as long as possible.
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  Speaker 1: And the apostle Paul comes along and he says, stop it.
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  Speaker 1: I want you to be careful how you live, don't
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  Speaker 1: be careless. This is the grid through which we are
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  Speaker 1: to evaluate every invitation, every opportunity that comes our way, financial, relational, professional, academic,
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  Speaker 1: whatever it might be. And thus our question, what is
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  Speaker 1: the wise thing to do? Paul continues with a bit
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  Speaker 1: more explanation. He says, making the most, making the most
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  Speaker 1: of every opportunity. Literally in the Greek, this phrase could
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  Speaker 1: be translated literally redeeming or ransoming the time, redeeming or
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  Speaker 1: ransom the time. This is where the English word opportunity
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  Speaker 1: comes from. Don't you wish? Think about this? Don't you
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  Speaker 1: wish you could go back and reclaim or redeem all
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  Speaker 1: the time you wasted on bad decisions, along with all
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  Speaker 1: the time you had to spend making up for those
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  Speaker 1: bad decisions. I do, and for you, that may be
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  Speaker 1: just a few weeks or weekends scattered around your past,
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  Speaker 1: but it might be an entire season of your life.
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  Speaker 1: Either way, Imagine, imagine having the opportunity to relive or
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  Speaker 1: respend or reallocate those days, weeks, or even years. Not
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  Speaker 1: to mention the money, I mean, what if you had
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  Speaker 1: an opportunity to go back and invest that time in
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  Speaker 1: more productive, healthy, life giving activities. Imagine where you'd be today.
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  Speaker 1: And I know this is hard, as painful as it
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  Speaker 1: is to think back and to look back, it's necessary
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  Speaker 1: in order to appreciate the invitation embedded in the apostle
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  Speaker 1: Paul's words, Because here's what he's doing. Paul is inviting you.
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  Speaker 1: Paul is inviting us to invest our time wisely from
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  Speaker 1: this moment forward, from this day, for you are invited
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  Speaker 1: to make the most of, or to redeem, or to
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  Speaker 1: leverage your most valuable asset, your time, to invest your
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: time in a way that actually propels you forward toward
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: a preferred future. But he's not through. Then he tax
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  Speaker 1: on this kind of odd warning. He writes, he is
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  Speaker 1: making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil,
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  Speaker 1: evil days. What's he talking about? Well, you know this.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: We don't live in any morally ethically neutral culture, do
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  Speaker 1: we write? I mean, think about it. When is the
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  Speaker 1: last time, When is the last time you heard, or
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  Speaker 1: saw or even read an ad that encouraged you to
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: be careful, to be wise, to be self controlled. I'm
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  Speaker 1: guessing maybe never. I mean, has a sales associate ever
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  Speaker 1: suggested you go home and think it over before making
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  Speaker 1: a purchase? Probably not, Which means this is Paul's point.
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  Speaker 1: This is on us. We aren't going to get much
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  Speaker 1: help from culture. The friends around us, maybe, but not culture.
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  Speaker 1: Gravitational pull of culture is what it's now, not later,
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  Speaker 1: It's more, not less. This is why our fourth question,
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  Speaker 1: practically speaking, may in fact be the best question ever.
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  Speaker 1: It's why I call it the maturity question. So, in
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  Speaker 1: an attempt to anchor your conscience to our fourth question,
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  Speaker 1: I want to suggest that you ask this question from
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  Speaker 1: three perspectives, your past, your present, and your future. In fact,
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  Speaker 1: this is the version I taught my children when they
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: were growing up, and this is the version of the
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  Speaker 1: question I've taught some of you before. In light of
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  Speaker 1: my past experience, my current circumstances, and my future hopes
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: and dreams, what is the wise thing for me to do?
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: In light of my past experience, my current circumstances, my
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing for
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: me to do now? I imagine you're familiar with little
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: quip that says those who can't remember the past are
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  Speaker 1: condemned or are doomed to repeat it. You've heard that before. Well,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: on a personal level, it could be restated this way.
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  Speaker 1: Those who don't pay attention to what got them into
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  Speaker 1: trouble yesterday are liable to wind up in the same
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  Speaker 1: trouble tomorrow. It's not as catchy, but you get the point.
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  Speaker 1: The point being this, our past, our personal past, predisposes
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  Speaker 1: us to specific temptations, addictions, blind spots, just to name
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  Speaker 1: a few right temptations, addictions and blind spots that may
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  Speaker 1: not be temptations. Addictions are blind spots to anybody else. So,
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  Speaker 1: in light of your past experience, in light of your
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  Speaker 1: personal past experience, what is the wise thing for you
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  Speaker 1: to do? Every decision, every decision, every invitation, every opportunity
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: that comes your way needs to be filtered through that question.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: I have a friend, I'll call him Steve, and Steve
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: receives really unsettling advice about halfway through his premarital counseling
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: with his soon to be wife, Shauna. The counselor said
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  Speaker 1: to Steve, Steve, in light of your family history, when
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  Speaker 1: you and Shawna returned from your honeymoon, you need to
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: come back and see me alone. Then it got worse.
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  Speaker 1: The counselor said, I want to introduce you to another
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  Speaker 1: counselor who specializes in family systems. Now, like most men,
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  Speaker 1: I mean, I can identify with this. You know, Steve
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  Speaker 1: felt like he'd already gone the extra mile by attending
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: and paying for four premarital sessions with his counselor. And
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: you know now this and Steve's next question was the
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  Speaker 1: question I think most of us would have asked, how
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: long is that going to take? Right? His counselor smiled.
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  Speaker 1: He told me this story. His counselor smiled and said, well,
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: probably several months. Of course, you know, Steve is stunned.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: He was shocked. Actually, he said he got mad. And
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: here's here's the quote I love. He said, I got
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: so mad. I pretty much confirmed my need for more counseling.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: And their counselor recognized that Steve and Shawna were not
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: going to be grappling with typical first year marriage problems.
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  Speaker 1: They were about to hit the saw of Steve's pre
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: existing condition, his past. Now, fortunately Steve did what very
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  Speaker 1: few men in my experience are willing to do. Two
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  Speaker 1: weeks after the honeymoon, he's back in the counselor's office alone.
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  Speaker 1: Why Well, in light of Steve's past experience, it was
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  Speaker 1: the wise thing for him to do. Think about it.
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  Speaker 1: It wouldn't have been wrong not to go back. It
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: wouldn't have been illegal or immoral not to go back,
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: but Steve would tell you it certainly would have been unwise.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: That was years ago. He's convinced. He's convinced that that
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: second round of counseling, saved his marriage. His words, I
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: would have blown it up and blamed her. So what
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: about you? In light of your past experience? What is
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: the wise thing for you to do? Financially, professionally, academically.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: Where are you set up to fail because of something
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: in your past, perhaps something you had no control over.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: In light of your personal past experience, what is the
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: wise thing? Not the get by thing, not the what
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: everybody else is doing thing? What is the wise thing
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: for you to do the light of my past experience
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: and then my current circumstances, my current circumstances. Now you
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: know this life is seasonal, right, so you owe it
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: to yourself and the people around you to take your
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: current your current emotions, your current state of mind into
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: account whenever you're making a decision. Most of my apologies,
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: most of my apologies stem from my propensity to react
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: in the moment to the moment. When I wait, my
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: responses are better when I wait. My responses are more
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: polite when I wait, My responses are more accurate when
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: I'm mad. When I'm mad, the wise thing for me
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: to do is nothing. So when asking our fourth question,
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: we would do well to take into account what's going
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: on right now, in light of your current circumstances and
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: light of your current state of mind, what's the wise
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: thing for you to do? Did you just get out
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: of a relationship? Would it be wrong to jump back
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: into another one? No? But in light of your recent
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: circumstances and the emotions trailing along behind, is it the
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: wise thing for you to do? Remember our greatest regrets,
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: and I'm talking about usually our greatest relational regrets. Our
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: greatest regrets are almost always preceded by a series of
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: unwise decisions. Jumping back into the dating game on the
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: heels of a divorce or a breakup is usually a
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: gateway decision. It leads to regret. In light of your
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: current circumstances, what is the wise thing for you to do?
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: And that brings us to our third and final perspective.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: In a lot of my past experiences, my current circumstances,
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: and my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: thing for me to do? What is the wise thing
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: for you to do? Now? From time to time, if
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: you tune in or if you're a part of one
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: of our churches, I'll ask you what breaks your heart?
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: What breaks your heart? And I'll tell you what breaks
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: my heart. It's related to the third facet of this question.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: What breaks my heart is watching people make decisions that
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: undermine their own future, their own future hopes and dreams.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: It breaks my heart to watch individuals or couples make
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: relationship decisions that are going to undermine their relationship. It
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: breaks my heart to watch teenagers make decisions that are
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: going to result in consequences that trail around behind them
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: for maybe a decade or even two. It breaks my
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: heart to watch parents parent in a way that will
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: eventually drive a wedge between them and their children. It
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: breaks my heart to watch people engineer their own unhappiness.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: Perhaps that's why I'm convinced this third application to our
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: fourth question is the most important application. In light of
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: your future hopes and dreams. In light of your future
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing for you
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: to do? Chances are you have some idea of what
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: you want your future to look like, right, I mean,
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: you have a mental picture of a preferred future, what
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: it could be and what it should be. You may
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: have gone to the trouble of writing it down. You
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: may not have a plan of how to get there,
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: but you have some sense of where you want to
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: be right And I'm guessing. I'm guessing that when you
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: envision your future, you don't envision yourself alone, because nobody does.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: But here's the challenge. Here's the challenge when it comes
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: to dreams, When it comes to your dream the deck
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: is stacked against you because life is hard on dreams,
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: there's always a headwind. And that being the case, if
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: we're not careful, if you're not careful, you have the
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: potential to contribute to the demise of what you hope for.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: And here's the thing. I don't want you to rob
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: yourself of your own future. Nobody plans to undermine their
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: own future. They just don't plan not to. But asking
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: the wisdom question and acting on the wisdom question, that's
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: how you plan not to. In light of your future
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: hopes and dreams. What is the wise thing for you
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: to do? Asking this question with the future in mind
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: brings it brings clarity to whatever option you're considering. It
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: serves as a like a purifying light at all the
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: deceptive shades of gray. They almost immediately dissipate our best option,
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: or our best options become well, They become clear, painfully clear.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: In fact, they become so clear we're tempted to look away,
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: to excuse ourselves away. But I'm not hurting anybody. I
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: can handle it. There's no law against it. God will
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: forgive me. And here's the thing. Our excuses, our excuses
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: are persuasive because they're mostly true. You aren't doing anything wrong,
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: yet you can handle it. Initially, it isn't illegal. God
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: will forgive you. So what, that's all beside the point? Right,
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: The purpose of this fourth question isn't to stop you
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: from doing something wrong. It's to keep you from doing
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: something unwise. Again, unwise is a gateway. It's the gateway
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: to regret. It paves the way to that tipping point,
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: the point in some cases, the point of no return.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: So would you be willing here's the challenge. Would you
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: be willing to put away your old, worn out excuses
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: once and for all? Come on, They have never served
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: you well. They just silence your conscience, They cloud your reasoning,
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: and ultimately they really just diminish your ability to hear
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: the voices of wisdom around you. Our excuses, you know
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: what they do. They escort us to the threshold of regret,
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: and once they get us there. Do you know what
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: your excuses do? They abandon you there with no margin
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: for error. You've been there. I don't want you to
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: ever go there again. So just decide to be done
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: with all that instead of excusing yourself forward, dream and
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: plan your way forward. Ask in light of my future
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing for me
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: to do? Where you want to be financially five or
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: ten years from now? What's the wise thing to do now?
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: I mean, you're going to be somewhere five or ten
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: years from now financially, right, shouldn't you decide? Do you
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: know what? If you don't decide, you know who will decide.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: Retailers and lenders who care nothing about you. They will
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: decide for you. And what's true financially is true relationally, academically,
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: professionally as well. So come on, where do you want
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: to be? Decide? Write it down? If you're single, Come on,
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: if you're single, in light of what you ultimately want relationally,
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: even romantically, what's the wisest way to contell your relationships
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: right now? What are you doing now? Think about it?
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: What are you doing now that has the potential to
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: rob you of your preferred future? Relationally. Now, that's a
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: hard question to answer honestly, which takes us back to
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: our first question in this series. Really, are you being
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: honest with yourself? Are you being honest with yourself? Really?
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: Are your relationships? Come on? Are your current relationships paving
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: the way to your preferred relational future or are they
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: escorting you to a place you don't want to be,
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: a place you swore you would never go in light
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: of what you want later? What is the wise thing
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: to do right now? If you're married and you're planning
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: to go the distance with your spouse, to finish together,
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: to maybe enjoy grandchildren together, what can you do right
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: now to facilitate that dream? What or who puts that
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: dream at risk? What is the wise thing to do
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: as it relates to protecting your marriage? Do you have children,
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: come on, what do you envision for your children in
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: the future. What do you envision in terms of your
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: relationship with your children in the future. What's the wise
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: thing to do right now to protect that dream? Here's
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: the thing you know this. Everybody ends up somewhere in life,
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: right I want you to decide to live and to
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: end up somewhere on purpose and wisdom paves the way. Now.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: When teaching this question to university students or high school students,
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: I always encourage them to commit the fun following little
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: rhyme to memory. It goes like this. I wrote this
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: many many years ago. There's good and there's bad, but
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: that's not my cueue, But rather, what is the wise
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: thing to do? There's good and there's bad, but that's
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: not my cue. In other words, good and bad that's
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: no longer the filter through which I'm making decisions. My
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: filter is better than that. There's good and there's bad,
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: but that's not my cue. But rather, what is the
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: wise thing to do? Don't settle for good, don't settle
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: for legal, permissible, acceptable, or even tolerable. If you do,
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: you'll eventually find yourself living dangerously close to regret. You're
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: better than that. You deserve better than that. Your family,
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: the people who depend on you, they deserve better than that.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: Think about this. You are a unique blend. You are
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: a unique blend of past experiences, current circumstances, and future
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: hopes and dream and this question, the wisdom question, allows
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: you to customize the decision making process to your specific professional, finance, relational,
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: or academic aspiration, So ask it. Ask it, even if
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: you don't plan to act on it. What is the
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: wise thing for me to do? You owe it to
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: yourself to know. I think you owe it to the
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: people depending on you to know as well. So, one
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: last time, in light of your past experience, your current circumstances,
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: and your future hopes and dreams, what is the wise
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: thing for you to do?