Latest / The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast / 143. Breaking Barriers: A Tale of Empathy, Mentorship, and Personal Growth

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143. Breaking Barriers: A Tale of Empathy, Mentorship, and Personal Growth · The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast

• 0:00
  Hello.
• 0:01
  And welcome to my YouTube channel.
• 0:05
  Welcome to Kathie's coaching podcast.
• 0:09
  I'm your host, Kathie Owen.
• 0:10
  Today, we are going to talk about communication.
• 0:14
  Self-awareness emotional awareness.
• 0:18
  And storytelling all put together.
• 0:20
  Reality, trans surfing, all that good stuff.
• 0:23
  Let's get into it.
• 0:25
  So.
• 0:25
  If you listen to my episode last week, I talked about.
• 0:30
  Creating value, building your community.
• 0:34
  And being part of something that may seem small, but really, and truly it's big.
• 0:41
  And.
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  When I was in the sixth grade.
• 0:48
  I was a mentor for the kindergartners.
• 0:51
  This was a big deal to me.
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  And I learned a really valuable lesson at this time that I want to share with you today.
• 0:58
  You may or may not know this, but I struggle with communication.
• 1:03
  I struggle with.
• 1:05
  Talking about.
• 1:07
  Difficult situations.
• 1:09
  And the reason why stems from my childhood, I've talked about this before on my channel.
• 1:15
  How, whenever I stood up for myself, I got hit.
• 1:18
  I got slapped in the face.
• 1:20
  I was told that was disrespectful.
• 1:22
  Despite.
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  Not in my mom's intentions were.
• 1:28
  We're good, but she put me in a place where I could not express my emotions verbally.
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  Without getting punished.
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  And that's what it says to my child brain.
• 1:41
  And when I did this, it, it created a.
• 1:45
  A really difficult way for me to communicate my feelings.
• 1:50
  But I became aware of other people's emotions.
• 1:53
  And I found out that this is emotional intelligence, emotional awareness.
• 1:58
  And because of this, I had to analyze every situation.
• 2:03
  To a T because I wasn't.
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  Creating the value I wanted to create in my life and stand up for things.
• 2:11
  And listening to amplify your influence.
• 2:14
  I found out that's a book by Renee Rodriguez.
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  I highly recommended.
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  It's really valuable.
• 2:22
  But I found out that.
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  Your values are instilled in you between the ages of nine and 13.
• 2:29
  You start to realize things that you value.
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  Things that you understand, and people who were in your life were a direct influence on that between the ages of nine and 13.
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  So I go back to when I was in the sixth grade and I worked as a mentor for children who were in kindergarten.
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  And it just felt like such a good place.
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  I could, I could see myself becoming a teacher one day.
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  That was something I really valued.
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  And I really enjoyed doing.
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  And.
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  My mom used to take us to school, but she wouldn't take us all the way.
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  She dropped us off, like a little bit before.
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  She had this big fear of traffic and driving, and she had a lot of fears and a lot of limiting beliefs that she placed onto us to.
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  That just kind of really jacked up my perspective of the world.
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  I guess you could say.
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  But anyways, she would drop us off at this corner and we would walk to school.
• 3:40
  And on the way to school, we pick up this little boy at his house and his name was Jason.
• 3:47
  He was in kindergarten at the time and he was in this class and I just got a sense that something wasn't right in his home, I just picked up on it.
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  By his behaviors, by the way he acted.
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  And I just felt huge compassion for him.
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  And at that time, I was only like nine, 10 years old.
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  I didn't know how to take care of this situation.
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  So I brought it to my mom's attention.
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  Remember, my mom was one who had limiting beliefs.
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  She had a lot of anxiety and fear and all that fear got placed onto me.
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  And also they had this.
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  Way that they acted in the world that was different from what happened at home.
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  It was almost like they put on a facade and I don't say this to be ugly about my mom.
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  She was doing the best she could.
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  And actually my mom was a great mom.
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  For the most part.
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  Who isn't a perfect parent.
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  It just happens.
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  That's life.
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  And.
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  I told my mom about this little boy and I told her I wanted to do something about it and she never did anything about it.
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  And that sent a message to me that my value.
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  And what I thought and what I believed and what I felt.
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  Was not out there.
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  It wasn't important.
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  And this left me with a big hole in my heart.
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  And.
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  As I grew older, I had to find other ways to communicate my feelings, my beliefs.
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  Things like that.
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  My point in telling you all of this is I am in a spot where I'm I'm.
• 5:41
  I'm having trouble communicating.
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  The value that I can bring to the table.
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  What do I mean by this?
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  Well, I'm, I'm studying emotional intelligence, emotional awareness, and I found that I have this.
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  Really.
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  Keen sense of emotional awareness going on around me, but I can't communicate it properly.
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  And it just, I, I just, I can't I'd struggle with it.
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  But I'm working on it.
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  And I'm also reading this book called never split.
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  Never split the difference.
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  And this book is written by an FBI negotiator who talks about using emotional awareness, emotional intelligence.
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  To communicate and get what you're trying to get to get negotiated deal.
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  Negotiate a contract, negotiate things in life, just in general.
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  And this is something I personally have been missing because I, I.
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  I have that limiting belief.
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  Placed on me that, that deals with this.
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  When I was in college.
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  I was dead set on going into human resources.
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  I wanted to be in human resources.
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  I studied industrial psychology, which is human resources.
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  I don't, that's probably not what they call it today, but that's what thing I did study.
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  And when I was in college, I worked for this company that analyzed personality tests.
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  And it was so cool because we would take these personality tests and we would analyze them for people who were hiring.
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  And.
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  Out of the blue.
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  I got fired from this job.
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  I got fired.
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  For, I don't know why.
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  I think it had to do with the fact that at the time I was taking a statistics course in psychology.
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  And they said you had to do these tests that were very.
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  Analytical and used a big population.
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  And these personality tests that they did were not analyzed on a large enough population for them to be authentic.
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  But I can look at it in retrospect and see that that was God's hand or my intuition's hand saying, no, this is not the route you want to take.
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  So go a step further.
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  And when I graduated from college, I worked for an oil company and I told them, as soon as I was hired, I said, look, I want to go into human resources.
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  This is my dream.
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  I want to do human resources, but I was hired as a contract administrator and this company.
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  He was on the path for huge amounts of growth.
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  And I was like, okay, this is what I want to do.
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  Be careful.
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  What you.
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  Uh, you ever hear the saying?
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  You want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans.
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  Well, yeah, he was probably laughing up there and I'm kind of glad he was because it didn't work out.
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  But I remember thinking.
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  The girl who got the human resources job was one of my best friends, because about three years later, They did need a human resources person in the Houston office.
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  I was like, okay, cool.
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  They're going to consider me.
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  But they considered the person who was in my position at the time.
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  And which made me think, oh, I just got lost in the path.
• 9:16
  But yes I did, but I look back in retrospect some 30 years later and I can see why that happened because if I had gone into human resources, I promised you, I would not be happy today.
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  And 20 23, 20 24 human resources is so full of all of laws and legalities and technical stuff.
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  In my mind, it doesn't matter.
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  Instead, I'm a corporate wellness director.
• 9:49
  I'm into fitness, I'm into health and mental health.
• 9:53
  Um, I'm also into mind, body spirit, functional fitness.
• 10:00
  These are the things I focus on, but there's a component in my job that goes with human resources and I see.
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  Something happening in the corporation nowadays, and a lot of corporations.
• 10:13
  And what they work off of is extrinsic motivation.
• 10:18
  And extrinsic motivation is just giving somebody a.
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  A bonus for.
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  And not accounting for their behaviors.
• 10:28
  Intrinsic motivation is something.
• 10:30
  I try to coach with my clients because if you can get intrinsic motivation, you're more likely to accomplish the goals.
• 10:38
  I would like to see that more in human resources.
• 10:42
  And here's what I mean by this.
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  At our company, we have this contest every year.
• 10:48
  The drives me freaking nuts.
• 10:51
  If you want to see who is extrinsically motivated, look and see who plays in this contest.
• 10:58
  Because what they do is they do a scavenger hunt and the times are from like nine in the morning till about noon.
• 11:07
  Well, some departments have to sit at their desk at that time.
• 11:11
  They cannot participate.
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  In this.
• 11:13
  The scavenger hunt, but the ones that don't have to sit at their desk are the ones that are playing this game and they are playing this game like cutthroat.
• 11:24
  Like they hide these eggs and you have to go find them and they have clues and you know, there's always one in the gym and everybody comes running out.
• 11:33
  There are people I've never even seen.
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  Never come to work out, but they come to the gym for this thing that is extrinsic Moda vacation.
• 11:44
  Extrinsic motivation is not going to last very long.
• 11:50
  If you want to motivate your team, you want to find intrinsic motivations.
• 11:56
  If you want to motivate yourself, you want to find intrinsic motivations.
• 12:02
  Back to my story.
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  Of the little guy that was in kindergarten and extrinsic and intrinsic motivation.
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  How does that come into play?
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  Well, I was intrinsically motivated to help this child because it was something I wanted to do.
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  And it.
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  It's something I valued.
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  I value helping others, especially those who I see need it.
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  Or really, really want it.
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  I don't want to coach somebody.
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  Who's just going, okay.
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  I want to get.
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  Abs.
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  That's her goal.
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  Really.
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  A circle.
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  Give me some meat.
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  Give me something good.
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  Give me a reason why you want those abs, maybe you want your boyfriend to look at you differently.
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  I don't know.
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  But even that is not going to get you to the heart of the situation.
• 13:01
  I have so many people who will come to me and say, how do I get rid of cellulite?
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  How do I get rid of fat?
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  And they're not even fat.
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  It's bloat.
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  Or how do I get rid of this and not this?
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  Or what.
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  This pill.
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  They've talking about this right now.
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  Go low is huge on TV because it's new years.
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  Everybody's going to be talking about getting healthy and getting fit.
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  And that Golo is just trying to tell you, this is how it's gonna fit.
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  It's gonna work.
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  And it doesn't.
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  That is extrinsic motivation.
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  It doesn't last long.
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  We went intrinsic motivation.
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  Okay, Kathy.
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  I get it.
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  I get it.
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  How do I get intrinsically motivated?
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  Let me tell you.
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  It has to do.
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  With storytelling.
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  What story are you telling yourself?
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  What do you really want?
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  Tell me about a time you went through a struggle and you overcame it.
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  What did you do to overcome that?
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  Tell me about a time when you did exercise and you enjoyed it.
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  Tell me a story about that, because that is going to take you further.
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  Then a stupid pill.
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  Or a scavenger hunt.
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  Extrinsically motivating yourself.
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  And your team is just going to end up with more of what you don't want.
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  That's what it's going to end up with.
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  And that's the lesson I want to teach today.
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  It's extrinsic and intrinsic motivation.
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  Extrinsic motivation.
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  Doesn't last long.
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  Extrinsic motivation does not last long.
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  Intrinsic motivation will take you further.
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  And then when you hit another speed bump, which it's not, if it's, when you're going to hit that speed bump.
• 15:01
  Guess what happens?
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  You have a story to tell yourself.
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  To come back to.
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  To get you over that hump.
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  All right.
• 15:13
  I really appreciate you being here.
• 15:15
  And I want to thank you.
• 15:18
  For watching.
• 15:20
  Today's episode.
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  I trust that you found it helpful.
• 15:23
  If you know, somebody who could benefit from this, please share it with them.
• 15:28
  And until next time I will see you next time.
• 15:31
  Peace out.
• 15:32
  And Namaste.
• 15:34
  Bing!