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Why Do Narcissists Want YOU to Text First? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So narcissists want you to be the one that reaches out to
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  them. They, they, they want you to be
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  the one that breaks no contact, that breaks the contact barrier,
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  that text them first, that calls them first, that shows up to
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  their job, emails them first. Why do they want that though?
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  Why is it so important to a lot of narcissists that you be the
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  one that reaches out first? That's what we're talking about
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  today. Y'all, If you're new here, I'm
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
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  I give you the perspective of a narcissist.
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  And yes, y'all, I just left the gym and I had to get this video
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  done. So you going to rock with me
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  today? But yeah, a lot of times when
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  you're dealing with a narcissistic person, you're
• 0:41
  choosing to go no contact or to heal or to finally set yourself
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  free. You're going to deal with the
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  narcissist that wants you to reach out first like, and a lot
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  of times you do. Let's keep it real.
• 0:54
  A lot of times when you're dealing with a narcissist and
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  you miss them or you love them, you care about them, you're
• 0:58
  traumatized to them, whatever it is, you miss them.
• 1:02
  And that's understandable. It really is.
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  It's 100% understandable that you miss this person that you
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  shared love with. You miss this person that you
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  shared a heart with or a a life with that you were trying to
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  build a life together with this person.
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  It makes sense that you miss them.
• 1:22
  It absolutely does. Yeah, my tank stop says I'm
• 1:24
  free. This is from the Self love shop.
• 1:27
  You can find everything@mentalillness.net.
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  It says I love me self love brand.
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  But yeah, that's what ends up happening.
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  You. It's OK to miss somebody that
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  hurt you. It's not OK to let them keep
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  hurting you. That's the big, that's the big
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  thing right there. Once they hurt you, if they keep
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  coming back into your life doing the same thing over and over and
• 1:50
  over again, they feel like they look, they're going to get to
• 1:53
  the point where they're they're going to feel like they're
• 1:55
  entitled to hurt you. They're going to get to the
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  point where they feel like it's OK to hurt you or to put you
• 2:00
  through the stuff they've been doing to you.
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  It's OK to run through, run to hurt your feelings or to treat
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  you badly or to cheat on you. That's why they want you to be
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  the one that reaches out to them.
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  That's one of the main reasons why right there.
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  Because if you reach out to them, in the mind of a
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  narcissist, you are saying that you are OK with their behavior.
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  You are in in my mind, if you reach out to me first, if you
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  contact me first, you're OK with what I have done, you're OK with
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  what has transpired in our relationship.
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  I'm not. Look, y'all, Lee Hammock is not
• 2:44
  saying that you're OK with it. The mind of a narcissist does
• 2:49
  though, you see. Because if you're not OK with
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  it, why you take me back? Think about it like that right
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  there. If you're not OK with the
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  behaviors, if you're not fine with what I've put you through
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  or what I've done to you, if none of this is cool, right,
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  then why would you text me first?
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  Why would you call me? Why would you beg me to come
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  back and talk to you? You see, if you're not OK with
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  it, then why are you talking to me?
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  Why you reaching out to me? That's the logic that a lot of
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  narcissists use to justify how they behave in a relationship.
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  That's the logic a lot of narcissistic people use to
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  continuously justify how they're treating you in a relationship.
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  It really is, y'all? I know it seems super simplistic
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  and damn near it can seem stupid, but that's how a lot of
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  narcissist minds work right there.
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  It really is. It may.
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  Don't think about it right there.
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  If you, like I said, if you reach out to me, then you must
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  be OK with it. And it's sad to think that way
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  because a lot of times, and it's going to sound crazy,
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  narcissists want to be chased. They want you to chase them like
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  we want you to chase us. We want to be pursued.
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  Because if you're pursuing me, that must mean that I'm worth
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  something to you, right? If you're pursuing me, that must
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  mean you like me or you care about me or something along
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  those lines, right? If you're pursuing me, that must
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  mean that we have something going on and we're growing and
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  going, right? If you're pursuing me, that's
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  what that means to me. That's what I'm thinking right
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  there, right? Think about it.
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  Think about it from that perspective right there.
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  If you are pursuing me in some way, shape or form, that means
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  to me that you care about me or that I'm worth something.
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  And also, I know I keep saying this, y'all, it's going to sound
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  crazy, it's going to sound stupid, it's going to sound
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  ridiculous, it's going to sound dumb, right?
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  But also, if you reach out to me, that doesn't mean I'm going
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  to reach back out to you like just because you contact me
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  first, it lets me know that you still want me.
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  It lets me know that I'm still in charge, that I have some type
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  of power over this situation. It lets me know that we're it
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  lets me know that I don't need to reach out to you because
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  you're pursuing me. Think about it like think about
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  it like that right there. Y'all think about that.
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  If you're pursuing me, that means you're chasing me like I'm
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  outrunning you. You're chasing me.
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  You're pursuing me. As long as I know that you still
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  like me or you still want me, I can keep doing whatever it is
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  that I'm doing on the side. I can keep doing whatever it is
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  that I have going on. I can keep manifesting it.
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  I can keep behaving that way. I really can.
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  I really, really, truly can. Like that's how the mind of a
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  lot of narcissistic people works right there, y'all?
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  It really is. It's like as long as I know that
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  you still want me, I know that I can behave a certain type of
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  way. I know that I can get away with
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  something and I know that you still want me so I don't need to
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  contact you. As crazy as that sounds.
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  Sometimes they want you to reach out to them first so they don't
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  have to reach out to you at all. As long in in the let me put my
• 6:10
  look. This is my look.
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  Imagine this is my narcissist's hat right here.
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  Y'all imagine this is my narcissist's hat.
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  Like I got on top of my head right here is strapped in,
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  right? As long as you're reaching out
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  to me, I don't feel the need to reach out to you.
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  I feel like I still have. As long as I have some type of
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  access to you, I'm good. If I have a new supply or I'm
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  pursuing a new supply because you've reached out to me, you
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  let me know that I have more time to do what I want to do.
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  You let me know that I have more.
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  I can still do what I want to do.
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  I can still pursue the people that I want to pursue because
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  you're chasing me. If you chase me, then I win.
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  You see how super? You see how simplistic and
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  idiotic they can sound. But as long as you're chasing
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  after me, I feel like I have achieved some type of victory
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  here. That's the mind of a narcissist.
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  As long as you're chasing me, I can take my time.
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  I want you to chase me. I want you to pursue me.
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  I want you to think that I'm doing better.
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  That's why, and I say this to people all the time in my
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  support group, Mental healthers.net, I say this all
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  the time to people in my support group.
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  That's why they are posting things on social media to make
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  it seem like they are the happiest they've ever been
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  because they know you're watching, right?
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  They know you're pursuing them. They know that you're after
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  them. They know that.
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  So if you're watching me, I'm going to post things like I'm
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  happy because that means that you are the problem, right?
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  That's going to make you feel like you are the problem here.
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  So if I'm, if I'm acting happy, if I'm pretending to be happy
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  online, that's going to make you feel like you are the, you are
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  the issue right here, right? That's going to make you feel
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  like you are being problematic. And I just put my narcissist's
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  head back on. I got to take it off and put it
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  back back on as a headband, but that's what we going on right
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  there, y'all? That's literally what goes on in
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  the mind of a narcissist. It's like if you're pursuing me
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  or you're after me, I don't need to chase you now.
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  I can like once you open the door, once you break no contact,
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  right? Once you contact me, I know that
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  I could take my time with you and I know that I can come back
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  and see you. All I need to do is give you a
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  little bit, right? If I give you a little bit, if I
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  reach out to you, oh, I just respond to you one time.
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  That's all I need to do. Because I feel like you're
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  bonded to me now. And if you're bonded to me, then
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  I definitely feel like I win, right?
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  If I, if you're bonded to me, I definitely feel like I've
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  achieved some type of victory. That's where it goes right
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  there. Like if you're bonded to me in
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  some way, shape or form, some fashion that I've achieved, that
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  victory that I'm looking to achieve, there's no more that
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  you can do. Like I'm winning here.
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  So before you reach out to that narcissist, right before you
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  contact them, before you break no contact, ask yourself, do you
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  want them to get some type of victory?
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  Ask yourself, do you want them to feel like they've defeated
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  you or do you want to be defeated?
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  Because in the mind of a narcissist, I win.
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  If you reach out to me, I win. If you want them to feel like
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  they have some type of victory, then yeah, reach out to them
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  because they're going to take your reaching out to them as a
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  victory. I promise you they will.
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  I promise you they're going to take you reaching out to them as
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  a victory. They're going to be like, well,
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  I won because you reached out to me, right?
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  Because you contacted me directly.
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  That must meet. I do have a victory here.
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  So I've achieved a victory because you reached out to me.
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  That's something that you absolutely need to think about
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  before you when you're dealing with a manipulator or an abuser.
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  Before you reach out to them, they're going to take your your
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  contact as a permission slip, as a promissory note to treat you
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  badly. They're going to take you.
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  If you reach out to me first, I don't need to change.
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  No matter what you said in the relationship.
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  If you contact me first, that lets me know that I don't need
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  to change because why are you contacting me?
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  If you want me to change, if you're talking to me, that must
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  mean that I'm good enough as is. That must mean that I'm I'm
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  what's happened. I'm good enough as is right now.
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  I don't need to change my behaviors.
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  Why? Why I need to change if you
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  already contacted me, I'm still getting what I want.
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  Why do I need to change anything there?
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  Why do I need to change anything right there?
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  So before you reach out to that narcissist, before you contact
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  that narcissistic person, that abusive person, ask yourself,
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  are you OK with those behaviors? Because they think you are.
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  I'm dead serious. They think you're OK with it.
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  OK, y'all don't. Yeah, you don't.
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  Look, this is one. This is the crazy thing.
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  You don't have to listen to me, right?
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  You don't have to. I want you to.
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  I love the fact that y'all listen to me.
• 10:54
  I love the fact that y'all follow me.
• 10:55
  I love the fact that y'all subscribed because we, if you
• 10:57
  haven't subscribed, go ahead. It says half the people I looked
• 11:01
  at, I looked at the analytics. It says half the people that
• 11:04
  watch the channel haven't subscribed.
• 11:07
  Yo, come on. The more people that subscribe,
• 11:09
  the more it feeds into the algorithm and the more people it
• 11:12
  can reach to help more people, right?
• 11:16
  You helping other people when you subscribe and you comment
• 11:18
  and you like or whatever the video, you share it with your
• 11:20
  friends and family members. You helping more people.
• 11:22
  Somebody somebody else subscribe to this channel and liked it and
• 11:26
  commented and it got into your algorithm.
• 11:28
  How did you like? How would Lee?
• 11:29
  I wasn't even looking up narcissism.
• 11:30
  This came into my algorithm. But if somebody else decided
• 11:32
  they wanted to subscribe and like the channel or comment you
• 11:36
  see anyways, y'all, I hope this video brought you some clarity.
• 11:40
  I hope it brought you some understanding.
• 11:41
  I hope it brought you some peace and I hope it keep you from
• 11:44
  reaching out to them. I hope it keeps you, helps you
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  stay no contact. I'll do another video on no
• 11:48
  contact. Yeah, I've known.
• 11:49
  I haven't done a no contact video in a long time.
• 11:51
  I need to do 1. Don't I need to do an update on
• 11:53
  no contact? Hit the subscribe button if you
• 11:56
  haven't already. I appreciate every single y'all.
• 11:58
  Click one of these on the screen right here to watch your video.
• 12:01
  YouTube chose one of these videos directly for you.
• 12:03
  Might think you like that video. Might think that video can help
• 12:06
  you more right there. Anyway, y'all, this is a peace.