Latest / Opie & Carl / On Stage at Nantucket Comedy Festival

Transcript

On Stage at Nantucket Comedy Festival · Opie & Carl

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Joey Salvia here to set the stage for you. Yeah,
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: we know it's not easy to follow along without actually
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: seeing what's going on while our host Gallavan's around sometimes
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: drunk with Cumberson recording gear. But that's part of what
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: makes this whole thing a bit more charming. No, Like,
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: take this Nantucket trip, we have Sharot Small walking around
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: as if he's vacationing in Jamaica.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: Well, use venmofaweed now too, so you don't really need it.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Looking to throw down, I'll tackle you. Most of us
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: would only be throwing down a box full of little debbies.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: I mean, let's go out here and help this.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Of course there's Vic Henley, who obviously hates working for
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: free man who gives us no money. He brings a
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: bit of wisdom to the show.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: I can remember going to the Sadie Hawkins dance.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Because he's old as fuck, have a mercy.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: That was before the Sahaws.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: And how can we leave out the naturally funny chef
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Carl ruez.
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: Ury had a buzz hun her totally. Yeah, since nineteen
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: ninety four.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Full of Streets March you couldn't buy in one lifetime.
• 0:58
  Speaker 5: We're definitely looking.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: I have to say that what I'm gonna catch a
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: charge out here.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: I could see him now when his Nantucket terry cloth sweater.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: What's not to love about the Cuban.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: I'm like exotic, I'm gonna f unicorn.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: He pretty much goes with anything. Last, but not least,
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: there's Greg Hughes Opie, who I swear sounds no different
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: than the guy I first heard on WBAB while heading
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: the band practice on Long Island back in nineteen ninety four,
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: playing the ring leader like Spanky from the Little Rascals,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: but with the personality of the artful Dodger.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: I think it's time to do Gooa Electric shock oj.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: It's surrounding himself with all types of interesting characters who'll
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: make you laugh out loud while keeping things moving at
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: a steady pace. He interviews a list celebrities when they
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: need him.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: I used to be really famous.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: I'm sure.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we look.
• 1:46
  Speaker 5: Up OPI on your phone right now.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: I do it opia.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: He knows what it takes to put on a show Tonight.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: He wanted to make use of the main theater for
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: the Nantucket Comedy Festival since it wasn't being used, but
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: word got around quickly and a few lucky people showed
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: up anyway. So here we have an unannounced gathering with
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: the Boys off the Cuff with a few lucky Island visitors,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: some locals and Gloria with their pick of any seat
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: in the house for a special live to tape podcast
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: from Nantucket on the Opie Radio.
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: Well you thought you were just gonna do it a
• 2:19
  Speaker 4: dark yeap.
• 2:20
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I was hoping we can do the podcast in
• 2:22
  Speaker 6: the dark, but that's not happening.
• 2:24
  Speaker 5: What's going on, everybody?
• 2:25
  Speaker 6: This is the Opie Radio Podcast with Vic Kenley and
• 2:29
  Speaker 6: I'm Obie and that's Karra Wes from the Food Network
• 2:32
  Speaker 6: where you and Sarod is probably out back smoking a
• 2:36
  Speaker 6: joint somewhere, but he will be on stage in a
• 2:38
  Speaker 6: few minutes.
• 2:38
  Speaker 5: So I must say that it was my dream. I've
• 2:42
  Speaker 5: been doing radio since I was eighteen.
• 2:43
  Speaker 6: Years old, and my dream was to play an empty
• 2:45
  Speaker 6: theater in Nantucket.
• 2:46
  Speaker 5: So I finally have made it.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: I really enjoyed Nantucket. This is the richest people I've
• 2:52
  Speaker 4: ever seen in my life.
• 2:53
  Speaker 5: You're pretty impressive with the wealthy.
• 2:55
  Speaker 7: I'm in New York or New York is Bosnia.
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: It's unbelievable.
• 3:02
  Speaker 5: Do you feel comfortable though. There's not a lot of
• 3:03
  Speaker 5: people that look like you on Nantucket there, but you
• 3:06
  Speaker 5: just have.
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: To judge out loud. Here it's hot. I don't like that,
• 3:09
  Speaker 4: So that's so, And then they think you're from here.
• 3:12
  Speaker 4: It's unbelievable.
• 3:13
  Speaker 6: Tell them about the party you went to where you
• 3:15
  Speaker 6: just fit in with billionaires because they don't know.
• 3:17
  Speaker 5: They simply just don't know if you're also a billion
• 3:20
  Speaker 5: They thought.
• 3:20
  Speaker 7: I was like a tech guy somewhere in the I'm
• 3:23
  Speaker 7: wearing mental patient slippers and stuff from touch and everything,
• 3:26
  Speaker 7: like he must be one of those at people.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: He builds apps.
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: It was unbelievable.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: The house was it was so.
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: Classy, Like I'm sitting there, I'm like, even if I
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: had all the money in.
• 3:35
  Speaker 7: The world, my house would look like shit, yeah, you know,
• 3:37
  Speaker 7: it'd have like a terminator poster.
• 3:41
  Speaker 4: It was perfect.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: Everything in the house is perfect. And they had a
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: white chef, you know, expensive it is.
• 3:48
  Speaker 5: That's the thing that amazed you. Like I looked at
• 3:51
  Speaker 5: the guy, I'm like olda.
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: He's like, no, man, Greg, oh shit, that's real money.
• 3:56
  Speaker 4: It's the real thing.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: It was.
• 3:58
  Speaker 7: I love it here and I went to real estate
• 4:01
  Speaker 7: thing and I'm gonna have to love it from afar.
• 4:05
  Speaker 8: So for a second you actually thought, Man, I'm gonna
• 4:07
  Speaker 8: go see how much something is.
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: I like it so much.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: I bought two sweatshirts.
• 4:10
  Speaker 7: I had to transfer money from my savings, like lady said, ninety.
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: Dollars and I got like sweater tourets.
• 4:20
  Speaker 5: Yeah, fu you shp.
• 4:23
  Speaker 6: I got to go to vic Henley because we were
• 4:24
  Speaker 6: talking earlier, you know, and you have a theory about
• 4:27
  Speaker 6: people's last names on Nantucket and yeah.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: I liked your theory.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: What was it? I forgot?
• 4:33
  Speaker 5: You forgot, like, did not tell you this?
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: You're drinking?
• 4:36
  Speaker 5: You forgot.
• 4:39
  Speaker 8: I went to dinner and it was an work came
• 4:41
  Speaker 8: back and these in the middle of the last crown
• 4:45
  Speaker 8: and yeah, I thought there was.
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: A soul train line start. The two women were hot, winn.
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: And from the Yes enjoying with Vixa's crowd. He means
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: me crowd wherever he go.
• 5:00
  Speaker 7: That's what I'm the one that started that whole batched
• 5:02
  Speaker 7: rep party thing.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: By the way, yeah, what we could have done this
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: my hotel.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: In the room.
• 5:17
  Speaker 5: We can move this to the green room and making
• 5:20
  Speaker 5: nice and intimate. Yeah. Uh you forgot your theory though,
• 5:23
  Speaker 5: is my theory?
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: Basically?
• 5:25
  Speaker 6: You know, when you're on Nantucket, if someone's name is Reynolds,
• 5:28
  Speaker 6: last I.
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: Got Yeah, all right, yeah, I told him.
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: I'm like any other shooting on the planet Earth.
• 5:32
  Speaker 8: If you meet somebody and their last name was Campbell,
• 5:35
  Speaker 8: it wouldn't be like Campbell's soup. It's the person here
• 5:38
  Speaker 8: on Nantucke. If your last name is Campbell, then you're
• 5:41
  Speaker 8: a Campbell fucking suit.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: You know, you're yellow yellow.
• 5:49
  Speaker 8: I'm dying Reynolds. But it's like renalds Rack. Everybody is
• 5:53
  Speaker 8: the person.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: Bob Jackson, not like a Jackson Humane.
• 6:00
  Speaker 7: It's like that where I'm from to like when I
• 6:02
  Speaker 7: meet mister Chappo, it's Chapo.
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: It's the actual junk dealer.
• 6:08
  Speaker 5: He's a good guys, good wells.
• 6:12
  Speaker 9: A stupid ass stage she was a charge two mikelad
• 6:16
  Speaker 9: you got money?
• 6:20
  Speaker 5: Yeah, we're just handing over the mic. Yeah, it's like
• 6:22
  Speaker 5: a relay rate.
• 6:28
  Speaker 7: Oh Godney, it's five o'clock, Sharon, it's five o'clock.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: Bro, you're right.
• 6:38
  Speaker 5: Oh look at that, we got another microphone.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: Thank you very nice.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: That's ma, thank you.
• 6:47
  Speaker 5: That's thank you Max for helping out the podcast.
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: Ship Oh Mac, Max Mac Lindsey.
• 6:54
  Speaker 6: Mac is the guy that got kicked out of Germany back.
• 6:56
  Speaker 8: Has just returned from Europe because he broke the rules
• 6:58
  Speaker 8: on the class trip.
• 7:00
  Speaker 4: Is that for Yeah, no, ship, how do you get
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: kicked out of Germany?
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: And being white?
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: You can get him here in Germany if you're sixteen
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: years old.
• 7:05
  Speaker 8: And this hot loman from Texas he was learning with him,
• 7:07
  Speaker 8: was trying to get him a boy here and he
• 7:09
  Speaker 8: took it.
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: And then the chaperone was the teacher, saw him and
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: they sent him ass home.
• 7:13
  Speaker 4: That teacher should be fired, right, you're And then Germany
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: it's fifteen.
• 7:17
  Speaker 8: It already told him though you're even though that's true,
• 7:20
  Speaker 8: you can't drink this is a class trip.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: And so that was a thirteen hundred and eighty five.
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna start a letter writing campaign for the beer.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: And he can't remember what kind of fucking beer.
• 7:30
  Speaker 5: Probably make up song, just say wars time.
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: Don't doesn't harmaking voting, Say like Miller, why you.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: Know sixteen, he's sixteen years old.
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: He's sixteen. All right there you.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: Got a girlfriend?
• 7:43
  Speaker 5: Man? Yeah, they come on up here.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, don't do it. Don't put that evil on you.
• 7:48
  Speaker 6: I told me as a story for life though getting
• 7:50
  Speaker 6: kicked out of Germany, you know, from a school trip
• 7:53
  Speaker 6: for drinking at sixteen because the chaperones didn't appreciate that.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: Kicked out of Germany? Where's you?
• 7:59
  Speaker 5: Cara? Where'd your camera go?
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: That camera? I lost a camera like that in my divorce.
• 8:04
  Speaker 4: I didn't even know my wife like taking pictures and.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: Then I don't know I had his in the audience.
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: He probably move right around everybody could see and.
• 8:16
  Speaker 5: He goes to do I get a chair as well?
• 8:19
  Speaker 5: There you go, there you go. It's Ben drive Vick Henley.
• 8:31
  Speaker 6: So so you got to tell the story of Germany.
• 8:33
  Speaker 6: You guys are over there for a field trip and
• 8:35
  Speaker 6: what happened? How did it go down?
• 8:37
  Speaker 10: Well, I mean it progressed pretty quickly, because you know
• 8:41
  Speaker 10: this is like what two weeks ago?
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: I think, Mom, two weeks.
• 8:45
  Speaker 10: And now I'm doing shots with Ron White with my mother.
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: So oh oh, that's a hell of a punishment.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: Mom. That's a good Mommy.
• 8:53
  Speaker 9: That's kind of like when my father plumbing smoking then
• 8:55
  Speaker 9: he made me smoke the whole pack.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: Your mother wanted me to do eighteen shots.
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: I wish my family cared about me. I'm like that,
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: I'm drunks, like we don't care.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: Everybody else stayed and you have to come home by yourself.
• 9:09
  Speaker 10: So it was me and three kids who got caught,
• 9:11
  Speaker 10: and they were like trying to to snitch on them,
• 9:14
  Speaker 10: and then I wouldn't do it.
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: Oh, it just gets stitches because you did.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: You did the right thing.
• 9:20
  Speaker 7: I haven't told on anyone, even though all those people
• 9:22
  Speaker 7: are dead now and I should have. But you know what,
• 9:25
  Speaker 7: actually I have no advice for you.
• 9:28
  Speaker 5: So you took the hit.
• 9:29
  Speaker 10: Yeah, so me and three kids?
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: All three?
• 9:32
  Speaker 7: Yeah, all right, you stick around with those kids because
• 9:35
  Speaker 7: you're gonna have to lie about a lot more stuff
• 9:37
  Speaker 7: as you get older, and you're gonna need those type
• 9:39
  Speaker 7: of people.
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: Honest people are dangerous.
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: Was it the girl American? Oh?
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she's from Texas, So well it's all good?
• 9:46
  Speaker 5: All right?
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: Oh wait, so she made you buy it?
• 9:49
  Speaker 11: She?
• 9:49
  Speaker 10: Like, I was pretty tempted at first, you know.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: Right, have you ever read Adam and Eve?
• 9:53
  Speaker 5: This is happened thousands of years that apple?
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: Did she try to make all three you got by
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: the bear?
• 10:00
  Speaker 10: Well, like I went off to start talking to her,
• 10:03
  Speaker 10: like do you have a soda?
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: Or anything.
• 10:05
  Speaker 10: And she's like, well, we have this diet coke from
• 10:07
  Speaker 10: like four years ago. And then she was like, do
• 10:09
  Speaker 10: you want some alcohol?
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: And I said yes, there's no.
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: I can't say no.
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: There is no note to that because.
• 10:20
  Speaker 5: There's no note to that.
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: I never said no to alcohol.
• 10:23
  Speaker 5: Right, What does mom think of this? Because you now
• 10:27
  Speaker 5: had to fly him all.
• 10:31
  Speaker 10: I wanted me to go through the Middle East, but
• 10:32
  Speaker 10: my mom she said no one that no one.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: The Afghanistan Air.
• 10:38
  Speaker 5: Is that, you know.
• 10:39
  Speaker 7: I think that's just I think that's a sound decision.
• 10:43
  Speaker 7: I mean, I don't know the track record, but it
• 10:44
  Speaker 7: can't be great.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: They try to fly you through Afghanistan them back to
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: the US. Yeah, so I don't even know.
• 10:50
  Speaker 10: Like my mom, she kind of flipped out on the
• 10:52
  Speaker 10: phone because she didn't want me to get like blown up.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: That's a mom thing to do.
• 10:56
  Speaker 7: I would love to hear a Nantucket mom flip out
• 10:58
  Speaker 7: of the phone on air Afghanistan that much.
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: That's a podcast right there.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: She's not really cuick.
• 11:11
  Speaker 7: I did a girl from Georgia. I did it a
• 11:14
  Speaker 7: girl from story. She stabbed me, girl from Georgia. Yeah,
• 11:17
  Speaker 7: tell the story, that's it.
• 11:19
  Speaker 5: She stabbed me.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: I didn't talk to her.
• 11:22
  Speaker 5: What's your story? You said, Hi, she stabbed you.
• 11:24
  Speaker 7: No, she said, if you go out with those guys,
• 11:27
  Speaker 7: don't go to strip club. And I said, Okay, that's
• 11:31
  Speaker 7: not ever going to be true, right because the strip
• 11:33
  Speaker 7: clubs in Atlanta are premiere because you have that southern.
• 11:37
  Speaker 5: I'm like, Hi, hot doll, and you didn't just have
• 11:40
  Speaker 5: to call.
• 11:40
  Speaker 7: Me doll once and I'm throwing out one hundred dollar
• 11:43
  Speaker 7: bills like a week. So she showed up in the
• 11:47
  Speaker 7: parking lot and stabbed me. Stabbed me in the thigh. Yeah,
• 11:51
  Speaker 7: going in or coming out coming out, But I was drunk,
• 11:55
  Speaker 7: so I was like, God, damn it, I'm like fucking
• 12:00
  Speaker 7: Lenen espadrills.
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: I just got these Some girls told me I looked.
• 12:05
  Speaker 7: Like Don Johnson in there, and then and then she
• 12:08
  Speaker 7: stabbed me, and then we had to go to the Hospel.
• 12:10
  Speaker 7: It was like three hours before the makeup sets, which
• 12:12
  Speaker 7: was bad because my leg hurt.
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: She was a good she was a good kid. She
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: was now reviewing the relationship. It was on me. That
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: was my fust. She just had passion.
• 12:25
  Speaker 5: I think that's marriage material right there.
• 12:28
  Speaker 6: Talk Yeah, someone in the audience when you mentioned the
• 12:31
  Speaker 6: Atlanta strip club set.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: Uh huh Atlanta.
• 12:34
  Speaker 5: Who knows about the Atlanta strip I'm a strip club back.
• 12:36
  Speaker 11: Oh it's.
• 12:41
  Speaker 12: That's how we got okay, shea that explains a land
• 12:46
  Speaker 12: Rover defender.
• 12:48
  Speaker 7: Atlanta has amazing strip clubs, but the best in the country,
• 12:52
  Speaker 7: believe it, are in Tampa.
• 12:54
  Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I've been to those.
• 12:55
  Speaker 7: Actually, there's a place in Tampa that it's like a
• 12:59
  Speaker 7: religious experience. I mean we show up with flip flops
• 13:02
  Speaker 7: and breakaway sweatpants. Yeah, have to, and we show up
• 13:04
  Speaker 7: at like ten thirty in the morning. We call it
• 13:06
  Speaker 7: legs and eggs because they make omelets.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:08
  Speaker 7: So we get to our ten thirty and then we
• 13:11
  Speaker 7: leave three days later. It's it's unbelievable for a real
• 13:15
  Speaker 7: breakaway sweatpants, no underwear, breakaways away.
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: I'm here to win.
• 13:20
  Speaker 5: I understand that no underwear but breakaway sweat.
• 13:22
  Speaker 9: Explain to the young boy, you don't understand going into
• 13:24
  Speaker 9: a strip club but no underwear on.
• 13:26
  Speaker 5: He's like, he's a criminal like us. He got kicked
• 13:27
  Speaker 5: out of Germany.
• 13:30
  Speaker 10: That's the first time they heard that, Like after World
• 13:32
  Speaker 10: War two, just kicked out in Germany with brown curl
• 13:39
  Speaker 10: and bigot kicked out of Germany.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: You went one line too far. You gotta learn. This
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: is the Sean Hennity Podcast.
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: You were like ten, maybe nine something like that. You're right,
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: it doesn't matter. And so eight years old.
• 13:57
  Speaker 8: Okay, So we we were down in Georgia, paren and
• 13:59
  Speaker 8: I wasn't doing it then. So she stops by to
• 14:01
  Speaker 8: visit her mom, his grandmother, and uh, they're they're in
• 14:04
  Speaker 8: their bedroom and she's coming.
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: There to talk to them, to tell them good night,
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: to go to better something.
• 14:08
  Speaker 8: And this is when they I think it was progressive
• 14:10
  Speaker 8: of one of the insurance companies had the commercial where
• 14:12
  Speaker 8: the guys will lie and it's and their pants will
• 14:14
  Speaker 8: catch on fire and the farms.
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: They would say, no, Mom's.
• 14:20
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I like it, so.
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: Mine and make his sister's brother.
• 14:24
  Speaker 8: They're in the guests are at my grandma's house right
• 14:26
  Speaker 8: eat Biggie, that's what she calls her. So he's coming
• 14:29
  Speaker 8: in her talk to him, and she's taking off her clothes. She's,
• 14:32
  Speaker 8: you know, getting ready to go to better self. So
• 14:33
  Speaker 8: she's got her big granny pani's on and she's wearing
• 14:36
  Speaker 8: a blouse with the big granding pants and they're also
• 14:38
  Speaker 8: they can call.
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: Her, there's nothing wrong here.
• 14:41
  Speaker 8: Is they didn't have They want to tell Grandma puts
• 14:42
  Speaker 8: some guy in their pants on, you know, it's grandma.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: So they bring mom and the sort of is there
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: anything wrong with.
• 14:49
  Speaker 8: Oh my god, you know, and she's like got a
• 14:51
  Speaker 8: butt going in and talking to it's called the altar,
• 14:55
  Speaker 8: and uh, she's like, my good lord, you know, put
• 14:57
  Speaker 8: some pants on.
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: And right after she says, it's eight year old.
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: He's a good kid. I like him.
• 15:08
  Speaker 7: I sat with him at one of these parties in
• 15:10
  Speaker 7: the house. The house looks like you can graduate from it.
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: There's the Pottery magazine, did.
• 15:15
  Speaker 7: You see but like the but the good party, like
• 15:18
  Speaker 7: the front Gate magazine, Like the doormat was thirteen thousand dollars.
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: There's pineapple.
• 15:23
  Speaker 7: Once you see brass pineapples, they're fucking gonna hate you.
• 15:28
  Speaker 7: And we're sitting I'm talking to me and he's like,
• 15:29
  Speaker 7: I want to be a chef or I want to
• 15:31
  Speaker 7: go and see what being a chef is like. And
• 15:33
  Speaker 7: I said, listen, you come to New York City for
• 15:35
  Speaker 7: a week and I'll put you through hell. And if
• 15:38
  Speaker 7: you could make it for a week, then we're gonna
• 15:40
  Speaker 7: be good.
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: And then he said, do you want some alcohol?
• 15:42
  Speaker 7: And I said yes, I said, after we get tattoos
• 15:48
  Speaker 7: and we party.
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: But I'd love to have this kid in New York.
• 15:53
  Speaker 7: I've I've burnt out so many kids coming into the
• 15:56
  Speaker 7: chef business.
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: You have no idea there's a hard business because they
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: come in with it. You know, like their cooking school
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: has air conditioning. You know, real cooking, real cooking has
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: none of that.
• 16:06
  Speaker 7: There's a Mexican that makes eleven dollars a month that's
• 16:09
  Speaker 7: one hundred times better than you, and it's incredible.
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: And when you bring these kids from cooking schools.
• 16:16
  Speaker 7: And when I graduated from my cooking school and they
• 16:19
  Speaker 7: invited me back to be like a guest speaker, and
• 16:21
  Speaker 7: I went back up there, I'm like, you guys all suck.
• 16:23
  Speaker 7: They're like, oh, this is gonna be the worst guest speaker.
• 16:26
  Speaker 7: I'm like, this education costs you a hundred thousand, you'll
• 16:29
  Speaker 7: never make more than fifty two thousand. You look like
• 16:32
  Speaker 7: a bunch of hacks. And it just got worse and
• 16:35
  Speaker 7: worse from there.
• 16:35
  Speaker 5: But they got to learn, and they drop off like
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: flies at that point.
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: So, oh my god.
• 16:39
  Speaker 7: I mean from my graduating class in culinary school in
• 16:43
  Speaker 7: New York.
• 16:44
  Speaker 4: I did. I did like a little stint. I did
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: one in France and went in New York. They won
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: in New York.
• 16:48
  Speaker 7: Out of one hundred and sixteen kids that graduated, there's
• 16:52
  Speaker 7: seven of us in the business. If your kid ever
• 16:57
  Speaker 7: tells you go to culinary school, just don't do it.
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: Really, I thought that would be a nice path.
• 17:02
  Speaker 7: Now there's it's it's either creepy forty year olds that
• 17:05
  Speaker 7: want a career change and open a bed and breakfast.
• 17:08
  Speaker 7: They are the worst people. Anyone who owns a bed
• 17:10
  Speaker 7: and breakfast should be in jail. I should put it
• 17:12
  Speaker 7: in one of those Trump kid cages.
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: Where the bed and.
• 17:15
  Speaker 7: Breakfast capital of the world right now, Yeah, that's one
• 17:19
  Speaker 7: of those people.
• 17:19
  Speaker 5: I think have these necklaces up there.
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: You gotta be careful.
• 17:23
  Speaker 9: And breakfast always weird because they make no money. You
• 17:25
  Speaker 9: got to come down and have breakfast with people intain
• 17:28
  Speaker 9: you didn't hear having sex.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: In the jungle room.
• 17:34
  Speaker 7: And everyone that owns it looks like a landers.
• 17:38
  Speaker 9: That's the oldest thing you listening.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: I like it one time.
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: Don't you assume that the people that own those things
• 17:53
  Speaker 5: are like swingers. I think does anyone know. I mean,
• 17:56
  Speaker 5: you wouldn't have any bed.
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: And breakfast was one of the first serial killers. You
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: were to me that story built that hotel, oh, just
• 18:03
  Speaker 4: to kill you.
• 18:04
  Speaker 5: That wasn't no, that wasn't no.
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: It was called Movischo.
• 18:07
  Speaker 7: I don't know a lot of stuff, so I kind
• 18:11
  Speaker 7: of had this running thing in my head.
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: I think it's true, and I'm fine with that.
• 18:15
  Speaker 5: You're mixing up a lot of stories.
• 18:16
  Speaker 11: There.
• 18:16
  Speaker 6: There was a book out that I think it was
• 18:18
  Speaker 6: called boy or Motel, and a guy at a hotel
• 18:21
  Speaker 6: and set it up so he could peek on everybody, and.
• 18:24
  Speaker 5: Then and then he wrote all his notes down. And
• 18:26
  Speaker 5: then many many years later they put out a book.
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: Well, my story was better, but I had no basis
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: in fact.
• 18:35
  Speaker 5: All right, let's hear it for the kid man. Good,
• 18:38
  Speaker 5: good job man, Yes he did.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: Great good it's money. Get kicked out of France.
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: You got your bear upstairs?
• 18:49
  Speaker 5: Was funny man?
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: Sixteen years old?
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: Huh yeah?
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: Is he an only child? How many kids you got?
• 18:56
  Speaker 4: There's I'm up here doing.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: I don't make this up.
• 19:02
  Speaker 9: I'm sure it's against my probation's anklage.
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: Buzzing up a storm.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: Wow, what's your name, Sabie, Sabie? How much do you
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: hate your brother?
• 19:18
  Speaker 11: Well, everybody always ask me like which because I have
• 19:20
  Speaker 11: two brothers, I'm the middle child, so they're always like,
• 19:23
  Speaker 11: which one's your favorite?
• 19:24
  Speaker 10: And I'm like, it depends the day.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's true. You the only girl.
• 19:28
  Speaker 9: Yes, your hand me dance must have been fucked up.
• 19:33
  Speaker 9: They fought, so you're right in the middle of two boys. Yes,
• 19:41
  Speaker 9: boy is that annoying?
• 19:42
  Speaker 11: It has its perks, but at the same time, like
• 19:44
  Speaker 11: there's drawbacks too.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: Do they defend you a lab? Do they beat up
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: boys for you? Beat up people?
• 19:48
  Speaker 11: They beat up each other and I just kind of
• 19:50
  Speaker 11: watch them do it.
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: But it's like my Irish friends. They punch each other
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: in the face.
• 19:55
  Speaker 6: Every bar we go, toad, No, I want to I
• 19:58
  Speaker 6: want to know what of the perks.
• 20:00
  Speaker 11: Like because you're the only girl, so I feel like
• 20:02
  Speaker 11: you have like.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: Your special attention.
• 20:04
  Speaker 11: Oh, like the middle child like usually is like the
• 20:07
  Speaker 11: forgotten child.
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: But if you're the only girl, then you have what
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: kind of ways?
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: And so yeah, hope he was the only girl in his.
• 20:16
  Speaker 5: Left too hard, joy, but don't left too hard. He
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: cried a lot.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: He's nineteen smack, no, no, no, no, Mexic.
• 20:29
  Speaker 5: Right, yeah, here drink?
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: Did you smoke?
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: The old one names? So it's actual. Yeah, she's got
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: a name, who a man and and smoke.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: At the Okay? Was Anne Margaret?
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: Then?
• 20:58
  Speaker 12: Totally true, totally gets excited, totally true.
• 21:03
  Speaker 5: And why Axel?
• 21:06
  Speaker 6: Oh okay, I was thinking guns and roses obviously like
• 21:08
  Speaker 6: everybody else.
• 21:09
  Speaker 5: But it's a family named Axel.
• 21:12
  Speaker 7: Dude, this is rich white people stuff.
• 21:16
  Speaker 5: You don't know anything else.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: I'm learning we named them after the car part.
• 21:20
  Speaker 7: Actually, I've met everybody here. I met a Mortimer just names,
• 21:28
  Speaker 7: you know. I'm like, you're really Mortimer.
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: He's like, yes, I am.
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: I'm like do you really need that monocle?
• 21:35
  Speaker 11: Yes?
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: I do?
• 21:36
  Speaker 9: Like all right, are you guys Swedish?
• 21:42
  Speaker 6: Okay, all right, your husband's family that straight from the factory.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: White.
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: That's those are the tall white ones.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: They're beautiful, they're nice. Around Christmas time, I look at them.
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: They're so nice looking. They don't even know. They're so blond.
• 21:57
  Speaker 7: They don't even have eyebrows.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: The white people that white people call white people.
• 22:01
  Speaker 5: You're staring the windows as they're opening Christmas gifts.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I just look at their house.
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: Look at this house with heat. That house has a floor.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: So what are you in high school?
• 22:14
  Speaker 6: Now?
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: Is how's it work?
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 22:15
  Speaker 11: I'll be a senior next year.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: Just school now, babe with all the freshman am I right?
• 22:20
  Speaker 11: Yeah?
• 22:21
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: They ski they're from Maine, Maine instead of high school.
• 22:29
  Speaker 5: Wait, ski team? They're on the Sunday River. I want,
• 22:32
  Speaker 5: I want to go local for you.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: There you go Sunday River.
• 22:36
  Speaker 5: You'll see.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: The white people's mingos have you. There's a black person
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: in the room. Sunday River. All right, Sunday River, quanza night.
• 22:51
  Speaker 5: Check his pocket.
• 22:52
  Speaker 8: Because of your age or something, they wouldn't even though
• 22:54
  Speaker 8: you were faster than some of the people on the team.
• 22:56
  Speaker 8: Something happened and they wouldn't let me be onmer Am
• 22:59
  Speaker 8: I missing this up? They said?
• 23:00
  Speaker 11: When I was going into sixth grade fifteen.
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: Which was hard, really hard?
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: Great is it really tested me?
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: Sixth grade?
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: I had to dig deep.
• 23:16
  Speaker 5: Good.
• 23:18
  Speaker 11: So they wouldn't let me on the team because I
• 23:19
  Speaker 11: was a sixth grader and they were only letting this
• 23:21
  Speaker 11: soth and eighth graders on the team. So I found
• 23:24
  Speaker 11: the neighbor the neighboring team, and I joined it and
• 23:27
  Speaker 11: I seen against my own school. Oh really yeah, I
• 23:30
  Speaker 11: smoke and they were like, can you join the team
• 23:33
  Speaker 11: And I was like, no, goodly you.
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: I love that ex Spike.
• 23:40
  Speaker 7: SPIKEE is the best human trait and you should develop
• 23:43
  Speaker 7: it as young as possible. Everything that's mainly successful has
• 23:47
  Speaker 7: been from Spike. From love kind of fades away. Hate
• 23:51
  Speaker 7: it's too gets you locked up. But Spike really makes
• 23:54
  Speaker 7: you work.
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: Like my neighbor when when I lived, when before my
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: wife took everything and the dog. The my neighbor, I'm
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: the spite. I'd wake up early, make sure he took
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: out the recycling wrong.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: I was on the phone.
• 24:10
  Speaker 7: I'm like, hey, Gary, I don't want to be the guy,
• 24:12
  Speaker 7: but it looks like there's glasses in the plastic.
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: Thirty two Lockwood Lane.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: Pictures on their way the fine.
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: Now, what was the thing he did that that sept
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: this in.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: You hated him this much?
• 24:29
  Speaker 7: I think I think that what started with me in
• 24:31
  Speaker 7: the and the neighbor was he would talk to me
• 24:35
  Speaker 7: without being addressed, and it really bothered me because I
• 24:37
  Speaker 7: was usually hungover, so he would have a conversation.
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: That had no end.
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: What a day. I'm like, that's what sent you off,
• 24:44
  Speaker 5: and then I made his life hell.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: Looks like rain.
• 24:48
  Speaker 4: I'm like, when, motherfucker, when stop it now? And why
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: do your pants have lobsters on?
• 24:57
  Speaker 11: You know?
• 24:58
  Speaker 7: And whenever there was like something ethnic going on, he
• 25:00
  Speaker 7: would tell me, yeah, there's an implan, not a party.
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: So no good on the hot dogs or anything, right, Glenn?
• 25:10
  Speaker 5: So I just started ratting them out. How did you
• 25:12
  Speaker 5: want him to act?
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: At zero?
• 25:14
  Speaker 5: Like not interrupting you?
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: In your in your in your in your little Bentley
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: and go away. Yeah, you so annoyed. But I got
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: him good. I got him with the snow. He didn't
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: shovel right. I was out there, I'm like, hey, what's up?
• 25:29
  Speaker 4: Deep you do?
• 25:29
  Speaker 5: I don't want to make a problem, but I just
• 25:32
  Speaker 5: fell twelve times.
• 25:34
  Speaker 4: In front of twenty four long with plane. I have
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: pictures on their way.
• 25:38
  Speaker 5: Taking yourself falling, fall off.
• 25:40
  Speaker 12: I'm Cuban bro. I can slip and fall in a desert.
• 25:47
  Speaker 12: That's how most of our money's made. Carl sitting up
• 25:51
  Speaker 12: straight now, he's so so happy.
• 25:53
  Speaker 5: I've been picture happy.
• 25:54
  Speaker 7: I've been in seven hundred and forty rear end accidents
• 25:58
  Speaker 7: every day.
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I've crashed every car allegedly. Yeah, that's how we
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: make money. You know these people do. They do Ponzi
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: schemes out here. We do car accidents.
• 26:08
  Speaker 5: It's fair, right. How's the underage drinking in school?
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: It's probably awesome?
• 26:13
  Speaker 5: Is it awesome?
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: Everyone here knows.
• 26:17
  Speaker 5: You will let it go.
• 26:18
  Speaker 11: But the best part is then, like the next couple
• 26:21
  Speaker 11: of days, some other kids did it and they got
• 26:23
  Speaker 11: to stay.
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: Really, wait a minute, that's racing.
• 26:27
  Speaker 11: And then the next the next day the princip the
• 26:30
  Speaker 11: vice principal resigned.
• 26:32
  Speaker 5: Wow, the whole thing.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, good for you.
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: Looks like someone new a senator. That's why you can't
• 26:40
  Speaker 4: mess with these kids.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: They literally know the government.
• 26:43
  Speaker 5: I got a first thing, basis, you don't want me
• 26:49
  Speaker 5: to be your lawyer.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: We'll be in jail together.
• 26:51
  Speaker 6: You want cars lawyer though, Oh my lawyer he literally
• 26:56
  Speaker 6: has a gold molar.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that was what I remember when I asked for
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: my lawyer. I asked this other lawyer.
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: This is gonna be.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: Racist, but it's okay, right, it's fine.
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: So I said, uh, I said, I need a good
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: divorce lawyer. He goes, I have a jew he's two
• 27:19
  Speaker 4: feet tall, has horns. Keep him in a dog cage
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: and we throw pennies at him just to make him mad.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: And then I met him.
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I mean, I'm like, it's like three feet tall.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: He was so vicious.
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: He's like, do you want the kids stand?
• 27:36
  Speaker 5: I'm going out? How far do you want to take?
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: He was?
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: I mean the guy had.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: He had no soul.
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: Pod bless him.
• 27:49
  Speaker 4: What a great lawyer.
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 27:51
  Speaker 6: Yeah, For the people that don't know Carl, Yeah, it's well,
• 27:54
  Speaker 6: it's over officially.
• 27:55
  Speaker 5: He went through a divorce.
• 27:56
  Speaker 6: Oh he was awful and gave up his restaurant and
• 27:58
  Speaker 6: everything very recently, as you get by the bitterness.
• 28:01
  Speaker 7: Yeah, that's why I'm so happy. Yeah, if I've been
• 28:03
  Speaker 7: drinking since what was Yeah?
• 28:06
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I got rid of it.
• 28:07
  Speaker 7: Sign It's funny when you say take everything, it's all
• 28:11
  Speaker 7: of a sudden she becomes amicable.
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: Have a little puffee, what's you look good?
• 28:18
  Speaker 6: And that's why You've been in Nantucket for what a
• 28:20
  Speaker 6: week and a half at this point? Yeah, the comedy festival.
• 28:22
  Speaker 6: I've been here since Carl March. Carl got up here
• 28:25
  Speaker 6: real early.
• 28:27
  Speaker 7: I love it up here. It's my first time here.
• 28:29
  Speaker 7: And then it just beats the ship out of Martha's Vineyard.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: This is really nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, do bost.
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: It is so nice.
• 28:41
  Speaker 7: And whatever sells gray plant paint here is a billionaire.
• 28:47
  Speaker 7: I'm lost the whole time. I'm like, well, that's a house,
• 28:50
  Speaker 7: and then that's a house.
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: I've been in the video before I ever came here,
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: and and then the first time I came here and
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: I told him Frank Kevin Flanner and puts on the festival.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: He's like, man, I'm like, Fanny, this is nice. This
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: is Asian nights for me.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: This is so nice.
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: I'm more used to like really overweight people and the
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: wife beaters around.
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: Martha's Vineyard's a dump.
• 29:12
  Speaker 5: He's nodding, couple, Let's bring him off.
• 29:17
  Speaker 7: I mean, I mean I've been here for a week.
• 29:18
  Speaker 7: I mean, now I eat a Hamburger and it's like
• 29:20
  Speaker 7: fifty bucks song. This place is a steal.
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: I gotta put this in my Apple notes.
• 29:27
  Speaker 5: We were talking earlier. Whatever you do on this island,
• 29:29
  Speaker 5: it's eighty bucks. Oh, everything's eighty dollars.
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: I bought every girl to drink on that bachelor party
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: of that tidy it was six hundred bucks.
• 29:36
  Speaker 5: Jesus.
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: And I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, no slow song.
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: There's that we're not even gonna do a slow song.
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: It was terrible.
• 29:43
  Speaker 5: No one could slow dance because the lesbian couple was
• 29:46
  Speaker 5: making out. I think you missed that.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: I think you weren't. Come on, stop, you saw that
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: they're not Lesbian's.
• 29:51
  Speaker 6: This two drunk girls even better, disrespected lesbian even better.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: But yeah, they went they were going at it down.
• 29:58
  Speaker 5: YEA.
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: One girl worked at the restaurant that we were Was
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: she one of the hostesses.
• 30:03
  Speaker 7: Yes, there has to be lesbians here because they're super
• 30:06
  Speaker 7: fasters everywhere.
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: And like that day's color, that's that nesting color.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: All right, cue the Melissa Ethridge guitar, and sure, Rod's right.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: No proper lesbian would be called drunk kissing in a
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: bar on Nantucket. Fire Island's got that covered. So here's
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: Obi once again bringing in an unknown somebody who wasn't
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: meant to be part of the show and actually ended
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: up making it more entertaining. And he was an underage
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: borderline delinquent.
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: I'd love to have this kid in New York when
• 30:39
  Speaker 4: we come back.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: The Cuban has a Napa Valley story that includes a
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: few spiteful celebrities. The boys talk Jeeves watches how obee
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: may have caused the premature death of a politician, and
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: he even brings a fan up to the stage from
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: the O and A Days of Boston