Latest / Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis / 069: How to Build Confidence Before You Feel Ready: My Story Behind Limitless Living

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069: How to Build Confidence Before You Feel Ready: My Story Behind Limitless Living · Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis

0:32
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Sustainable Success Tuesday.
0:35
SPEAKER_00: I'm Frederica Davis, creator of the Limitless Reset Method.
0:39
SPEAKER_00: And every Tuesday, we talk about creating meaningful success in a way that actually supports your health, your life, and the woman that you are becoming.
0:50
SPEAKER_00: So today we're doing something a little different here on the show.
0:52
SPEAKER_00: I'm answering some questions that people have asked me about why I started this podcast and what keeps me going and whether I've always been confident and how I learned to speak in front of other people when I was, in all actuality, petrified to do it.
1:11
SPEAKER_00: So I thought this would be a nice way for you to get to know me a little bit better, especially if you are newer to the podcast.
1:19
SPEAKER_00: And if you've been here for a while, there's still maybe a few things in this episode I think that will surprise you.
1:26
SPEAKER_00: So let's get into the first question.
1:29
SPEAKER_00: With everything you already do, why in the world did you decide to start a podcast?
1:36
SPEAKER_00: So for those of you who don't know me, I'm a wife, a mom, all the other wonderful things in life, friend, daughter, this, that, and the other thing.
1:45
SPEAKER_00: I own a wellness center.
1:47
SPEAKER_00: I'm in the midst of writing a book.
1:48
SPEAKER_00: I teach at retreats, coach, and strategize, and I do corporate wellness speaking.
1:56
SPEAKER_00: A lot of things, right?
1:57
SPEAKER_00: So why in the world did I decide to add a podcast in there?
2:02
SPEAKER_00: Yes, that was the question.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: And it's been 40 years, more than 40 years, actually.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: Mostly one-on-one that I have been working with people and in smaller groups, even though I've taught some larger workshops, spoken to some larger groups.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: But throughout all those years, people have consistently asked me questions about almost everything under the sun, everything you can imagine.
2:27
SPEAKER_00: We have talked about health and bodies and pain and businesses and relationships and confidence.
2:35
SPEAKER_00: We've talked about finding your purpose in life and how to raise kids and families and starting over and trying to figure out what comes next.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: A ton of stuff.
2:45
SPEAKER_00: Politics, religion, even the taboo subjects that you're not supposed to openly talk about, haha.
2:51
SPEAKER_00: And I've had some of the most meaningful conversations of my life with people in the treatment rooms at Massage Wellness and Beyond in coaching sessions, workshops, hallways, friendships, even parking lots and waitresses.
3:07
SPEAKER_00: My daughter always looks at me and rolls my eyes like, oh my word, mom, does everybody give you their whole life story everywhere we go?
3:14
SPEAKER_00: And it's just the way it is.
3:15
SPEAKER_00: I've had these wonderful conversations.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: I value these deeper connections so very much.
3:22
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it'll be the extra five or 10 minutes that I can find at the end of an appointment because that's all I have, and somebody else is next.
3:32
SPEAKER_00: So even when I'm having a meaningful conversation with a client, I may only have an extra few minutes.
3:38
SPEAKER_00: And she may want more information and the conversation to continue and to go deeper, but I just simply can't.
3:47
SPEAKER_00: So for years, people have been asking me, when are you going to write the book?
3:51
SPEAKER_00: I have wanted to really buckle down and get that book done.
3:54
SPEAKER_00: And I will tell you, the book is in the works.
3:57
SPEAKER_00: And I am working on that, but it's taking me a little longer because it is heartfelt.
4:02
SPEAKER_00: I'm not having AI write it, I'm writing it.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: And then people also were saying, why don't you just start a podcast?
4:09
SPEAKER_00: You know, you can talk.
4:10
SPEAKER_00: You should have a podcast.
4:12
SPEAKER_00: So eventually I thought about that and I thought, yeah, geez, why don't I do that?
4:16
SPEAKER_00: That would be so much fun.
4:17
SPEAKER_00: And I started thinking about how many more people I could reach this way.
4:21
SPEAKER_00: So to answer this question with everything I already do, why in the world would I start a podcast, especially one that I do three times a week?
4:31
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I ask myself, what is wrong with me doing three times a week, right?
4:35
SPEAKER_00: But I did it because I get to take all those questions that I've been asked for years and years and years, and the questions I never have enough chance to get to fully, and I get to talk about them and answer them and potentially have you hear them.
4:51
SPEAKER_00: And you may have never met me.
4:54
SPEAKER_00: If something I say helps a person feel better, if it helps you feel better, live better, communicate better, love better, or believe that there is something more that is really genuinely possible for you, then I have accomplished what I set out to accomplish.
5:14
SPEAKER_00: So once I started looking at things that way, I got extra excited about doing a podcast.
5:19
SPEAKER_00: Now, becoming excited and actually starting the podcast, they were two entirely different things, I can tell you.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: If you haven't listened to episode one, where I tell a little bit about that.
5:28
SPEAKER_00: But if you heard that episode, you may remember me talking about this.
5:32
SPEAKER_00: It took me about two years to work up a nerve to actually begin the podcast, just to begin and launch.
5:41
SPEAKER_00: Two years.
5:43
SPEAKER_00: I kept thinking about it and I kept planning it, and I had lists of things I wanted to talk about.
5:48
SPEAKER_00: I was keeping track of what people were asking me and what might help people and what topics came up in coaching conversations and in my programs and all sorts of things.
5:56
SPEAKER_00: I was on Amazon looking at all the different microphones, thinking about which uh platform I wanted to host it on and all the tech and all these things.
6:04
SPEAKER_00: Okay, you get the picture.
6:06
SPEAKER_00: And I was imagining what it had the possibility to become, and then perfection got me stuck.
6:14
SPEAKER_00: It really just got overly involved in my head.
6:19
SPEAKER_00: And I wanted to know exactly what I was doing before I started, and I wanted it to sound perfect.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: I wanted the episodes to be really worthwhile, substantial, and all the technical pieces to be figured out and so on and so forth.
6:36
SPEAKER_00: Can you relate to this?
6:37
SPEAKER_00: Do you have a project or something that you've been wanting to do, but you uh you just keep getting caught up in it being perfect, and it keeps you from actually ever doing it?
6:45
SPEAKER_00: Well, that was where I was at.
6:46
SPEAKER_00: And so often we just tell ourselves that we're preparing, but sometimes what we're actually doing is postponing, we're procrastinating and postponing that moment when somebody might actually see us learning.
7:01
SPEAKER_00: And by that I mean if we do it imperfect, it's just that someone seeing us learning and improving.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: So finally I said, okay, that's enough.
7:09
SPEAKER_00: You know what?
7:10
SPEAKER_00: I have all these things people are asking me.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: I already have all these topics, I'm helping people with one-on-one.
7:17
SPEAKER_00: I know there are other people who can benefit from hearing these conversations.
7:22
SPEAKER_00: So I'm just gonna do this.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to begin, even if it's a little less than perfect, but I'm going to make it happen and begin.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly what I did.
7:32
SPEAKER_00: I started before I knew exactly how everything was going to work.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: I started knowing that I might listen to those first episodes, uh episodes a year later and just cringe, hearing all sorts of things that I know I would want to do differently.
7:48
SPEAKER_00: And it's okay.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: At least I started.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: And I know some of you have actually given me some wonderful feedback.
7:57
SPEAKER_00: Uh, and I welcome feedback, good, bad, or otherwise, because it helps me improve.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: So please reach out and do that.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: But I know some of you like to start from the very beginning.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: So if you've been you start in the beginning, you've been listening, you probably can see there's a little progression.
8:09
SPEAKER_00: You know, music has come in and there's an opening and a closing.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: And anyway, it's just hopefully getting better and better.
8:16
SPEAKER_00: Now, I run a wellness business.
8:19
SPEAKER_00: I work with clients, I lead a team, I coach, and I teach.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: I create programs and workshops.
8:27
SPEAKER_00: I facilitate work, I facilitate workshops and retreats.
8:31
SPEAKER_00: I have a family, a home, and my own health with its own health challenges to take care of.
8:40
SPEAKER_00: And there are weeks when this podcast process goes smoothly, really smoothly.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: There are also weeks when I'm finishing things much closer to the deadline than I would prefer.
8:54
SPEAKER_00: If you happen to catch an episode that gets released later on a Saturday than it should, I shoot for 6 a.m.
9:00
SPEAKER_00: every day for these podcasts to release, then that's what happened.
9:05
SPEAKER_00: I was just closer to the deadline than I had anticipated or planned.
9:11
SPEAKER_00: But what keeps me going is honestly my sense of purpose.
9:16
SPEAKER_00: I get a very personal reward when I see that something I've done or said has had a positive effect on somebody.
9:26
SPEAKER_00: And the other day it occurred to me that as I'm doing all of these things and my voice is there, and my thought processes, my experience, wisdom, teachings, education, all of this is out there for the world to hear.
9:43
SPEAKER_00: Long after I'm gone, this has the potential to make a difference in someone's life.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: It also stands to be a continuation of me for my daughter, an inspiration for my daughter.
9:59
SPEAKER_00: I would have loved, I would have loved to had something like that of my mom, all the things that she told me, all the advice that I was young and dumb and didn't want to listen to, right?
10:10
SPEAKER_00: So I have purpose for doing this, multiple purposes.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: That was kind of a surprising purpose that came up along with uh just simply wanting to make a difference in the lives of the people that this may touch.
10:26
SPEAKER_00: And if this helps someone listen to this, if it helps you listening to this feel better in your body or inspire you to believe in yourself or communicate differently with someone that you love or make a decision that maybe you've been avoiding, or go after a dream that you were putting on a back burner, if it even just helps you realize somewhere that you have been allowing yourself to stay stuck, I know I'm making a difference.
10:56
SPEAKER_00: And knowing that I may have served you or someone else in this capacity to live better, feel better, love better, see yourself differently, oh my gosh, that is so enormously rewarding to me.
11:09
SPEAKER_00: And that's really what keeps me going, doing all of this.
11:13
SPEAKER_00: I didn't always have complete clarity about my purpose going through my life.
11:19
SPEAKER_00: So if you don't have clarity about your purpose, don't feel like you're behind or lost or like I'm the exception to the rule.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: I didn't always have it either.
11:28
SPEAKER_00: But looking back, I can see the threads of it throughout my entire life in all the things that I've done.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: But I couldn't always explain them in those moments and how all the pieces really fit belong together.
11:42
SPEAKER_00: Now I can.
11:43
SPEAKER_00: I'm much clearer about it and the clarity makes a difference.
11:47
SPEAKER_00: And that's how the work becomes really simple, really easy most of the time.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: It's not difficult, it doesn't make me tired, it doesn't feel as much like work.
11:58
SPEAKER_00: So motivation is lovely when it shows up, but it's not always dependable.
12:04
SPEAKER_00: Knowing why something matters to you is a reason to return to it over and over.
12:10
SPEAKER_00: And it keeps you motivated on those days where you might not have felt like it if it really wasn't important to you.
12:18
SPEAKER_00: Another big part of my purpose in doing this is that I really want to lead by example.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: For the people around me, most especially my daughter and all the honorary kids in my life, and all the women and friends and people I care about.
12:34
SPEAKER_00: I really want to lead by example.
12:36
SPEAKER_00: And I'm less than perfect.
12:38
SPEAKER_00: I can't tell you.
12:39
SPEAKER_00: I want you all to see that you can continue learning, growing, changing, and trying new things at any age.
12:51
SPEAKER_00: I want to be the example for you in doing that.
12:55
SPEAKER_00: I want you to see me, someone willing to do something potentially difficult, and not someone pretending that the difficult things never scare them.
13:05
SPEAKER_00: Okay, because I can tell you this made me very nervous.
13:08
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't make me as nervous now after 60 some episodes.
13:11
SPEAKER_00: I'm getting better at it.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: But releasing this and having my people, my friends, my family, my clients hear these and having the thought that, oh, geez, what if somebody disagrees with me?
13:21
SPEAKER_00: What if somebody doesn't like it?
13:22
SPEAKER_00: What if, you know, all the what ifs, what ifs, I get it.
13:26
SPEAKER_00: I am I perfect in all of this?
13:28
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
13:29
SPEAKER_00: Do I know everything?
13:30
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
13:32
SPEAKER_00: Do I speak from experience and education?
13:35
SPEAKER_00: Yes, I do.
13:37
SPEAKER_00: I am not perfect, but I really, really try.
13:42
SPEAKER_00: And I hope the people listening to this, I hope you listening to this, I hope the people around me see that I am an active participant in my life.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: I am participating in creating my own life.
13:57
SPEAKER_00: I'm not just sitting back and waiting to see what happens to me next, waiting to age, sitting there thinking, oh, well, it's just part of aging, or it's just the stage I'm in, and that things just happen to me because I want to inspire others to do the same.
14:18
SPEAKER_00: I want to inspire you to be actively participating in creating your life.
14:23
SPEAKER_00: So that brings me to the next question.
14:26
SPEAKER_00: And I hear this pretty often.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: And this is, were you always this confident?
14:32
SPEAKER_00: And then right behind that, usually someone will say, Well, I'm not that confident.
14:35
SPEAKER_00: I couldn't do what you do.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: I was not always this confident at all.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: I was raised as an only child.
14:40
SPEAKER_00: I grew up on a farm.
14:41
SPEAKER_00: I had confidence in certain ways.
14:44
SPEAKER_00: And I had a mother who always taught me, thankfully, that I could do anything I wanted to if I set my mind to it.
14:51
SPEAKER_00: That gave me a very important foundation.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, I was bullied.
14:57
SPEAKER_00: I had so much bullying when I was younger.
15:00
SPEAKER_00: And people who know me today would not necessarily guess that.
15:03
SPEAKER_00: I was.
15:04
SPEAKER_00: I was seriously bullied.
15:06
SPEAKER_00: And I experienced a lot of loss, a lot of change all through my childhood, which just derailed me frequently.
15:16
SPEAKER_00: I lost my dad when I was very young, and there were moves and there were other circumstances and financial strife and all sorts of things that really turned my life upside down for a lot of years.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: And quite a few things I could list in my adult years, if we're being honest.
15:32
SPEAKER_00: And there were plenty of acquired insecurities underneath the surface the entire time.
15:39
SPEAKER_00: Now, what I learned to do, though, back then, some people get quieter and just reserved and go inward.
15:45
SPEAKER_00: What I did was I overcompensated because I wanted to hide all those insecurities.
15:51
SPEAKER_00: I had learned through the bullying that if you showed weakness or vulnerability, I called the V-word, I still call it the V-word, that usually that bullying became worse.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: So I became outwardly tough.
16:05
SPEAKER_00: I learned to look confident even when on the inside, I was genuinely feeling so insecure and most often petrified and like I wanted to crawl in bed and pull the covers up.
16:19
SPEAKER_00: And I went through a period of time.
16:20
SPEAKER_00: I think my mom thought I had a sleeping disorder.
16:24
SPEAKER_00: But I was really depressed because of everything in my teens going through all of this.
16:29
SPEAKER_00: So have I always been this confident?
16:31
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: And my outward confidence, it became my armor.
16:37
SPEAKER_00: It was my way of saying, you can't hurt me, or I'm gonna verbally hurt you first and make sure you know that you can't come up here and I'm the tough guy.
16:46
SPEAKER_00: So don't even try it, mister.
16:48
SPEAKER_00: Can you picture a little bit of that?
16:50
SPEAKER_00: All right.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: So that was how I compensated, but it didn't mean I felt like that on the inside.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
16:57
SPEAKER_00: Most people who knew me back then really thought I was fearless.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: But the truth of the matter was I had simply become very good at hiding how utterly afraid I was, petrified a lot of the times.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: There were missed opportunities when I was younger because of that insecurity.
17:15
SPEAKER_00: There were things I could have done, but I didn't follow through with because I didn't believe I was either deserving, ready, or capable enough.
17:26
SPEAKER_00: That's the truth.
17:27
SPEAKER_00: I had to work through all of that.
17:30
SPEAKER_00: There was a time when I could not speak at all in front of people with any comfort level whatsoever.
17:37
SPEAKER_00: And when I was younger, I became involved in a direct sales company.
17:41
SPEAKER_00: People can say whatever they want about those companies.
17:44
SPEAKER_00: I will not talk down about that experience because honestly, it was one of the best developmental experiences I ever had.
17:53
SPEAKER_00: I also took self-improvement workshops.
17:56
SPEAKER_00: I also read self-improvement books.
17:58
SPEAKER_00: I also processed things.
18:00
SPEAKER_00: I did a lot.
18:01
SPEAKER_00: But when I was in this company, I worked hard.
18:03
SPEAKER_00: I made uh good money, actually made money with it.
18:06
SPEAKER_00: I became successful and even earned several company cars.
18:10
SPEAKER_00: One of the most valuable things that experience did was teach me how to talk to strangers and speak in front of a group.
18:22
SPEAKER_00: And I started in front of a group of three.
18:25
SPEAKER_00: Then I in front of six, and then eventually became larger groups.
18:30
SPEAKER_00: Every single time I was petrified.
18:35
SPEAKER_00: The difference was that I had goals.
18:38
SPEAKER_00: I was being coached and trained by my mentors in the company, and I was committed to working through that fear because there was something I wanted on the other side of it bad enough.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: I practiced and kept going and kept going, and eventually I got better.
18:56
SPEAKER_00: I made tons of mistakes.
18:58
SPEAKER_00: I'd walk away from things going, oh my gosh, I can't believe I said that.
19:01
SPEAKER_00: And mortified.
19:03
SPEAKER_00: And I would turn bright red.
19:04
SPEAKER_00: I mean, all the things.
19:05
SPEAKER_00: I break out in a sweat, all the things.
19:08
SPEAKER_00: Technology is another example.
19:11
SPEAKER_00: I can tell you.
19:12
SPEAKER_00: I got my first laptop when I was in my 30s.
19:15
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
19:16
SPEAKER_00: I don't know how old you are listening to this, but maybe you can appreciate that.
19:19
SPEAKER_00: And maybe you're younger and you're going, your 30s, oh my gosh.
19:22
SPEAKER_00: And I had no idea what I was doing.
19:25
SPEAKER_00: I was so afraid I would push the wrong button and everything would disappear.
19:28
SPEAKER_00: I remember my ex just laughing at me because I was so nervous that I would break something and then he would be upset and it would all disappear.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: So eventually, when I got this laptop, I had a business already and I had things that I wanted and needed to accomplish.
19:45
SPEAKER_00: So I had a motivation, I had a goal, I had a purpose, and I was driven to figure it out.
19:51
SPEAKER_00: Trial and error, trial and error, trial and error.
19:54
SPEAKER_00: So I started doing that.
19:55
SPEAKER_00: I started figuring it out.
19:57
SPEAKER_00: And I learned through all these trial and errors.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: I made a ton of mistakes.
20:01
SPEAKER_00: I failed myself forward.
20:03
SPEAKER_00: You might have heard that term, just fail yourself forward.
20:06
SPEAKER_00: And I really believe in that.
20:08
SPEAKER_00: If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.
20:11
SPEAKER_00: But I kept finding new things that I wanted to do, such as a website, such as figure out how to learn the online booking systems.
20:18
SPEAKER_00: And back in the 90s, that was not something that was like it is today.
20:22
SPEAKER_00: Every time I wanted to do something new, I taught myself a little more and a little more and a little more.
20:29
SPEAKER_00: Eventually, I became much more confident with technology.
20:34
SPEAKER_00: Now, do I know everything?
20:35
SPEAKER_00: Nope.
20:36
SPEAKER_00: I don't think I ever will.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: It just keeps changing and evolving so fast, it's hard to keep up with.
20:41
SPEAKER_00: But I'm still learning new platforms and trying to navigate this rapidly changing world of AI.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: In fact, I took a whole class on that today so that I can help my women entrepreneurs that I work with.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: And I learned.
20:53
SPEAKER_00: I learned about content and technology and maintaining our authentic voices through using all of this.
21:01
SPEAKER_00: The difference now is that I no longer automatically assume that not knowing how to do something means I can't, because I have evidence over all of these years that I can learn.
21:13
SPEAKER_00: I can learn almost anything.
21:15
SPEAKER_00: First I believe it, then I do it, then I know it.
21:18
SPEAKER_00: And that becomes evidence.
21:20
SPEAKER_00: So when we look at someone who spent 20 or 30 years practicing something, we assume she was born knowing how to do it, right?
21:29
SPEAKER_00: She probably worked pretty hard for it, but I'll bet she had a lot of breaks on the way.
21:32
SPEAKER_00: We often take these assumptions into our thinking.
21:36
SPEAKER_00: And that is not always the case.
21:38
SPEAKER_00: In fact, not at all.
21:41
SPEAKER_00: You were seeing her years after practice, and you didn't necessarily get to see her the first time she tried when her hands might have been shaking crazy and sweat might have been beating down her back, and she was really on the inside, hoping nobody could tell how frightened she was.
21:59
SPEAKER_00: And that was really true for me at the time.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: So the next question I get pretty often is I don't know if I could ever speak the way that you do.
22:07
SPEAKER_00: Do you have any advice for feeling confident enough to do something like that?
22:12
SPEAKER_00: That's kind of along the lines with, I don't know if I could be as brave as you are.
22:16
SPEAKER_00: Do you have any advice for feeling confident enough to be brave?
22:21
SPEAKER_00: Kind of the same thing.
22:22
SPEAKER_00: So the first things I'm going to tell you do not wait for the confidence.
22:27
SPEAKER_00: Confidence doesn't come.
22:29
SPEAKER_00: You have to do things.
22:32
SPEAKER_00: Before you feel it.
22:35
SPEAKER_00: So you have to do it, whatever it is, before you will feel confident.
22:39
SPEAKER_00: It really is one of those situations where you have to feel the fear and do it anyway.
22:44
SPEAKER_00: In fact, there is a book written by Susan Jeffers.
22:48
SPEAKER_00: I bought this years ago, and it's called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.
22:52
SPEAKER_00: I still swear by it.
22:53
SPEAKER_00: I recommend it to almost anybody who feels afraid of doing something that genuinely matters to you.
22:59
SPEAKER_00: You're held back or the fear is crippling to you, read this book.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: It's a fabulous book.
23:04
SPEAKER_00: For me, and I was pretty young when I read this, I actually read this when I was with the direct sales company, and I had set a very large goal of earning the company car right from the get-go.
23:15
SPEAKER_00: In fact, before I even did anything in the company, I joined because of that.
23:19
SPEAKER_00: Now bear in mind, I was really young when I did this, and many people thought I was out of my freaking mind.
23:27
SPEAKER_00: I heard everything from you've never done anything like this before.
23:32
SPEAKER_00: Are you kidding?
23:34
SPEAKER_00: To, well, that sounds great, but do you really think you can do it?
23:40
SPEAKER_00: Or, well, don't get me wrong, I believe in you, but so some people were directly discouraging, just outright.
23:49
SPEAKER_00: But others, and this is often the people that are closest around you, they wrap their doubt in you and their lack of knowledge or belief or vision for what you are doing in concern, which can really almost be more difficult to recognize as damaging to yourself because it can sound like they're simply trying to protect you.
24:13
SPEAKER_00: So I really made a point of becoming very aware of what I was saying to myself, because I couldn't control what everyone else was saying.
24:26
SPEAKER_00: There's that old saying, what you think about, you bring about.
24:29
SPEAKER_00: And I really, really believe in that.
24:31
SPEAKER_00: That which we focus on is that which we create.
24:35
SPEAKER_00: Very true, proven over and over again.
24:38
SPEAKER_00: What I knew was if my voice, and I learned this through all the classes, all the different things I was doing, but I knew if my voice joined everybody else's in telling me I couldn't do it, I didn't stand a chance at all.
24:52
SPEAKER_00: So I started paying attention to my self-talk all the time.
24:57
SPEAKER_00: I even wrote myself cue cards and set myself a plan on how I was going to counteract that negative self-talk that was definitely in there.
25:08
SPEAKER_00: So when I heard myself thinking things like, I'm gonna look foolish, I'm gonna look like an idiot, or I'm not ready, I'm not smart enough, I didn't pretend the thought wasn't there.
25:19
SPEAKER_00: I didn't bury it and pretend it.
25:20
SPEAKER_00: I actually recognized it, and then I replaced it with something more useful and believable.
25:28
SPEAKER_00: Before my first presentation, I did not tell myself, you're going to be amazing, you've got this, you're gonna do it, you can do it, you can do it.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: What I told myself instead was something that would be more believable at that moment.
25:41
SPEAKER_00: I told myself, your goal tonight is just to finish.
25:44
SPEAKER_00: You can finish, you don't have to do it perfect.
25:47
SPEAKER_00: You simply have to get through the entire presentation.
25:50
SPEAKER_00: If you sell one thing, it'll be a success.
25:53
SPEAKER_00: And then the next time you'll try to have two people want things.
25:58
SPEAKER_00: And that felt more believable to me.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: And then I did it.
26:04
SPEAKER_00: And then I did it again and again and again.
26:06
SPEAKER_00: I began with small audiences of, you know, family and friends, like you do in a lot of times in these types of companies.
26:14
SPEAKER_00: Although, in hindsight, I can tell you, family and friends may actually be more intimidating than strangers sometimes because you have to see them again afterwards.
26:25
SPEAKER_00: And they're judging you often based on what they've already known about you, not based on what you are choosing for them to learn about you at that moment.
26:35
SPEAKER_00: But no matter, that was where I began.
26:37
SPEAKER_00: And if you want to become more comfortable with speaking or putting yourself out there, the only way to do it is to start with something small enough that you can actually make yourself do it.
26:47
SPEAKER_00: If doing a Facebook Live feels completely terrifying to you, I can now do those.
26:52
SPEAKER_00: And they were scary to me in the beginning.
26:54
SPEAKER_00: Start with a short recorded video, one that you can edit, one that you can record a couple of times until it's good enough and you can post it.
27:03
SPEAKER_00: Record it, watch it, do it again if you need to.
27:06
SPEAKER_00: Post it.
27:07
SPEAKER_00: And once that becomes more comfortable, then you can try the next thing, like maybe a Facebook live.
27:12
SPEAKER_00: And then also to answer this question would be I I would tell you to talk about things that you genuinely know and care about.
27:19
SPEAKER_00: If you don't know enough yet about something, learn it first.
27:24
SPEAKER_00: Study it, practice it in front of a mirror with somebody that you can trust.
27:28
SPEAKER_00: And then when it's time for you to talk about it, focus on helping one person instead of trying to impress everybody with whatever it is you're talking about.
27:40
SPEAKER_00: Makes all the world a difference.
27:41
SPEAKER_00: And honestly, whether I'm recording this podcast or teaching a workshop or speaking to a room full of 300 people, I do the same thing.
27:50
SPEAKER_00: I make an effort to speak as though I'm speaking to you.
27:55
SPEAKER_00: Just you, one person at a time.
27:57
SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking about you listening right now.
28:01
SPEAKER_00: I want you to feel as though I'm sitting across from you and speaking directly to you because in my mind, I am.
28:10
SPEAKER_00: You are the person I'm having this conversation with at this moment.
28:15
SPEAKER_00: Your confidence grows when you give yourself evidence.
28:19
SPEAKER_00: Every time you do something that's hard, challenging, uncomfortable, whatever you want to call it, and you get through it, you have more evidence that you can get through it, meaning that you can do it again.
28:31
SPEAKER_00: So nervousness doesn't go away, fear doesn't often always go away, especially when the audience or the platform or the subject or whatever it is is new.
28:39
SPEAKER_00: And I can tell you, I still get nervous.
28:41
SPEAKER_00: The difference is that now, instead of getting nervous and having bees of sweat come down my back, I usually don't become nervous until immediately before I begin.
28:53
SPEAKER_00: And it generally lasts for about a minute or two.
28:55
SPEAKER_00: And once I start talking, getting in the groove, I'm back in my zone because I'm talking about something I genuinely know and care about.
29:04
SPEAKER_00: So, no to the question.
29:06
SPEAKER_00: I did not become confident and then start speaking.
29:10
SPEAKER_00: I started speaking while I was still scared to death.
29:13
SPEAKER_00: And that's how I built the confidence.
29:16
SPEAKER_00: So I have one final question for today.
29:19
SPEAKER_00: And that question was why did you name the podcast Limitless Living?
29:26
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so oh my gosh, I ran through so many names, you can't even imagine how many names I ran through.
29:31
SPEAKER_00: I sat down with all my list of ideas and I sat down with ChatGPT and ran through like a gazillion lists of ideas about a hundred times.
29:38
SPEAKER_00: And I landed on Limitless Living because throughout my more than 40 years, dare I admit, of working with people, I've seen how often we live within our limits.
29:55
SPEAKER_00: And we never even stop to question those limits.
29:59
SPEAKER_00: And some of those limits they come from other people.
30:03
SPEAKER_00: Things like people saying, that sounds wonderful, but do you really think you can do it?
30:08
SPEAKER_00: Or people like us don't do things like that.
30:12
SPEAKER_00: You're too old.
30:13
SPEAKER_00: You're too young.
30:15
SPEAKER_00: You don't have enough experience.
30:17
SPEAKER_00: Uh, let me think.
30:19
SPEAKER_00: Think what are some other examples?
30:20
SPEAKER_00: You're too busy.
30:21
SPEAKER_00: It's too late.
30:23
SPEAKER_00: You're not smart enough for that.
30:24
SPEAKER_00: Or you didn't go to school for that.
30:27
SPEAKER_00: Those are limits that often come with well-meaning intentions.
30:32
SPEAKER_00: Now, sometimes those things are said directly to us.
30:34
SPEAKER_00: Other times they're wrapped up again in concern.
30:37
SPEAKER_00: We talked about that a little bit already.
30:38
SPEAKER_00: And when we hear them often enough from other people, they can eventually become part of our own voice, part of our own belief system, and they become limits that other people gave us.
30:50
SPEAKER_00: Then we start telling ourselves these stories like, I'm not ready.
30:54
SPEAKER_00: I'm not confident enough.
30:56
SPEAKER_00: This is gonna be too hard.
30:57
SPEAKER_00: Uh, I don't I don't have the focus.
31:00
SPEAKER_00: I don't have the strength.
31:01
SPEAKER_00: I'm not smart enough.
31:02
SPEAKER_00: I've already missed that opportunity.
31:04
SPEAKER_00: I'm too old.
31:05
SPEAKER_00: My body just is what it is.
31:06
SPEAKER_00: I can't fix it.
31:07
SPEAKER_00: I can't make it feel better.
31:09
SPEAKER_00: I don't have what it takes, or this is just the way my life is now.
31:14
SPEAKER_00: It's just, you know, this is retirement.
31:15
SPEAKER_00: This is whatever.
31:17
SPEAKER_00: We live within a lot of limits that we don't even think to question.
31:22
SPEAKER_00: We just adopt them.
31:24
SPEAKER_00: We begin having aches and pains, and automatically we decide, oh, well, this is just what happens when you get older.
31:30
SPEAKER_00: I just had this conversation yesterday.
31:33
SPEAKER_00: And today with two friends of mine, and it's not.
31:37
SPEAKER_00: We're not meant to just have all these aches and pains automatically when we get older.
31:42
SPEAKER_00: We're not.
31:43
SPEAKER_00: Science tells us that.
31:45
SPEAKER_00: And then we see what's happening to other people around us.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: And without even realizing it, we begin treating their experiences as a prediction of what will happen to us.
31:57
SPEAKER_00: Uh, I forget what the exact statistic is, but um, something like the average income of your sixth closest friends is is likely to be your average income.
32:07
SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, you've all heard that, you know, we're a product of the people we surround ourselves with, right?
32:12
SPEAKER_00: Well, this is one of those ways when we're hearing things from them and we're hearing things that come out of their mouth, or seeing things that they're struggling with, or seeing how they're living, and we adopt those things consciously or subconsciously.
32:27
SPEAKER_00: And we do this with our health, our finances, our careers, relationships, children.
32:35
SPEAKER_00: And then what we believe is still possible at any given point in our lives changes.
32:41
SPEAKER_00: Their ideas, their examples start to become like ceilings to us.
32:47
SPEAKER_00: So, from what I've experienced and seen in my own life, what I've seen with my clients is that a lot of those ceilings, we build them from assumptions, from fear and old information and other people's lived experiences and stories we have repeated for so long that now, instead of them feeling like stories, they actually feel like facts, whether they are or not.
33:17
SPEAKER_00: Now, in all honesty, we we can back up here.
33:20
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean every limitation is imaginary.
33:22
SPEAKER_00: We do have real responsibilities in life.
33:24
SPEAKER_00: I know many of you have real health challenges, financial realities, losses, and different uh periods that you are in your life, different seasons when your capacity is genuinely limited for whatever reason.
33:40
SPEAKER_00: I recognize that.
33:41
SPEAKER_00: I've lived it, I get it, I recognize it.
33:44
SPEAKER_00: Limitless living does not mean to me that we pretend those things don't exist.
33:52
SPEAKER_00: It also doesn't mean that we can always do absolutely everything or push ourselves indefinitely or just simply think positive through it.
34:07
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
34:07
SPEAKER_00: That's not what it means.
34:09
SPEAKER_00: What I mean by limitless is that we should not decide something is impossible before we've actually explored what may still be possible.
34:21
SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm gonna take arthritis for an example.
34:24
SPEAKER_00: Someone may think I have arthritis, so I'll always feel exactly the same way I feel today.
34:29
SPEAKER_00: It's just gonna be like that.
34:29
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna ache.
34:30
SPEAKER_00: This is just how I start the day out.
34:31
SPEAKER_00: It just is what it is.
34:32
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna take the meds, and this is the end of that.
34:35
SPEAKER_00: That is not necessarily true.
34:37
SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm not a doctor, depending on your individual type of arthritis and you yourself and other cofactors and so on.
34:45
SPEAKER_00: There may always be limitations that you have to some degree, but, but, but, but there may always be ways to reduce the symptoms or improve your strength and mobility, and ways to manage your inflammation or protect your function and changes that you can make in how you feel and live.
35:09
SPEAKER_00: Now, it's not a guarantee or a cure.
35:12
SPEAKER_00: It does not mean ignoring medical care.
35:14
SPEAKER_00: It's not what I'm saying.
35:16
SPEAKER_00: It means we do not have to surrender to the assumption that nothing can improve.
35:23
SPEAKER_00: I am absolutely 100% proof positive of this, and so are many of my clients.
35:28
SPEAKER_00: Now, the same thing can happen financially or professionally.
35:31
SPEAKER_00: Your job or any particular job may have an income ceiling.
35:37
SPEAKER_00: But that does not have to mean you reached the ceiling of your entire earning potential.
35:45
SPEAKER_00: You might develop a new skill, change positions, create an additional source of income, reinvent how you use your experience, or even build something that did not exist before.
35:58
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes a limit is real within your current circumstances, but your current circumstances may not be the only ones available to you.
36:09
SPEAKER_00: They can be fluid, they can change.
36:11
SPEAKER_00: Here's the thing a limitless life is not going to look the same for everybody.
36:14
SPEAKER_00: For one person, it might mean that you want to travel around the world.
36:18
SPEAKER_00: And another person, it might mean they want to live more peacefully in a tiny little carriage house, walking through the woods every day, simply doing some meaningful work, retired, reading, sipping tea, having time for the people that you love.
36:33
SPEAKER_00: And neither one of these examples is more limitless than the other.
36:38
SPEAKER_00: It's not about how impressive the life looks from the outside, or how many great adventures you go on, or any of that, how much money you have, it's not.
36:48
SPEAKER_00: It's about whether or not it is genuinely your life.
36:54
SPEAKER_00: Or is it one shaped primarily by fear, others' expectations, assumptions you never even started to question?
37:03
SPEAKER_00: So that's what I want this podcast to help you do.
37:07
SPEAKER_00: I want to use what I've learned through, oh gosh, so many years of education.
37:14
SPEAKER_00: Too many to admit, and my work, my mistakes, my own health and life challenges.
37:21
SPEAKER_00: Lord, there have been many.
37:23
SPEAKER_00: And more than four decades of actually serving real life people to help you recognize what might be standing between you and the life that you want.
37:38
SPEAKER_00: The life, the business, the body, the mind, the heart, the soul, relationships, the whole kick and caboodle that you really, really want.
37:46
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna add this.
37:47
SPEAKER_00: I have definitely not conquered every limitation in my life.
37:52
SPEAKER_00: I do not have all of the answers.
37:55
SPEAKER_00: I am still doing this work.
37:57
SPEAKER_00: Whether I'm ahead of you or right next to you doing it, I'm still learning.
38:00
SPEAKER_00: I'm trying new things and questioning old beliefs all the time.
38:06
SPEAKER_00: And I am stepping in and becoming more of the woman that I know I have the potential to be, that I want to be, that I'm capable of being.
38:18
SPEAKER_00: So to me, limitless living and why I named it this does not mean living without any limits.
38:24
SPEAKER_00: It means really not allowing an unexamined limit to decide the rest of your life.
38:33
SPEAKER_00: So as I end this show today, let me leave you with this question.
38:38
SPEAKER_00: What is one limit you have that you've been treating as a fact without ever even stopping to question whether it is still true or not?
38:51
SPEAKER_00: It could be something you believe about your age, your body, your confidence, finances, uh, abilities, what's still possible for you at this stage.
39:03
SPEAKER_00: This week's reset is to write that belief down and ask yourself, where did the belief come from?
39:10
SPEAKER_00: What evidence do I have that it is completely true?
39:14
SPEAKER_00: And what is one small thing I could do this week to test that?
39:19
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to overturn your whole life.
39:22
SPEAKER_00: Just be willing enough to question that one thing.
39:25
SPEAKER_00: Question something you have automatically been accepting is true.
39:29
SPEAKER_00: I hope you enjoyed this more personal side and QA kind of version of a conversation today.
39:36
SPEAKER_00: And if there's something you would like to ask me, whether it's about business, wellness, confidence, purpose, anything you've simply wondered, even if it's about me or life in general, I would love to hear from you.
39:48
SPEAKER_00: And your question may become part of a future episode.
39:52
SPEAKER_00: You just never know.
39:53
SPEAKER_00: You can find me, learn more about my coaching programs, events, and the free limitless living community for women who are becoming at my website, fredericadavis.com.
40:04
SPEAKER_00: If this episode needs you think of somebody who might be waiting to feel confident before she begins, please share it with her.
40:12
SPEAKER_00: Until next time, be rooted, be resilient, and be limitless.