Latest / New Teacher Talk / Ep 235: You Don't Have to Fix Everything in 20 Minutes: Parent-Teacher Conferences for New Teachers

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Ep 235: You Don't Have to Fix Everything in 20 Minutes: Parent-Teacher Conferences for New Teachers · New Teacher Talk

Welcome to New Teacher Talk,
the podcast that has your back during your first years in
the classroom.
I'm Beth Wilkins.
And I'm Anna Quinzio-Zafran.
Beth, it's the time of year.
Grades are posted, progress reports have gone home,
and parent-teacher conferences are looming,
either this week or right around the corner.
That's right, and for a lot of new teachers,
this is a tense stretch of time.
So today, we are talking about working with your families,
how to prepare for conferences,
how to handle the gap between what the school expects and
what your families know,
and how to bring in other professionals,
like your counselor, social worker, or school psychologist.
If you're listening,
you may be sitting on a stack of grade book printouts right
now.
Take a breath.
You can do this,
and we're going to give you some concrete moves to make it
feel more manageable.
Why does this moment feel so heavy?
Families are looking at a grade,
maybe for the first time this year,
and they really want two things from you.
They want to understand what happened,
and they want to know what happens next.
They want answers and a plan.
That's really what's underneath most conference
conversations.
Even when a parent sounds frustrated or defensive,
there's usually a worried person behind it who wants to
help their child and doesn't know how.
And you as the new teacher are being asked to supply both,
often while you are still learning your school's systems.
You may not know the grading policy inside and out at this
moment.
You may not know what supports exist.
That's okay.
That's where many new teachers feel overburdened,
but there's ways to work through that.
There's also a real disconnect that can show up.
You might have expectations about homework, late work,
or the online portal,
and the family may have never been told those expectations
clearly.
Or their experience with school,
maybe their own or with an older child,
maybe in another country or district,
may be very different.
So here is the reframe we want you to hold on to.
You do not have to be the expert on everything.
None of us are.
But you have to be prepared, honest, and organized,
and you have to be willing to bring in the right people.
That is the job.
So before the conference,
preparation is where you get your confidence back.
Start with a one-page snapshot for each student you're
meeting about.
Keep it simple.
Two or three specific strengths,
the two or three biggest concerns backed by actual work
samples, and one or two goals for the next few weeks.
Notice how those suggestions are very specific.
Here's why.
If you tell a family a grade of a D tells them very little,
showing them the last three assignments and pointing to the
pattern,
say the student understands the concepts in class discussion,
but he or she does not finish that written work,
tells the family something they can act on.
And bring evidence of growth if you have it, even small.
Families need to hear that there's a path.
Starting with a real strength is not a soft opening.
It tells the family you actually know their child and care
about them.
Here are a few other prep moves for you to consider.
Check whether the family needs an interpreter and arrange
that ahead of time through your school, not on the spot.
Ask your mentor or administrator about anything sensitive,
like a student who may need an evaluation,
a custody situation,
or a family you have already had a hard exchange with.
Yes, and this one saves so many new teachers.
Find out the school's policies before you're asked about
them.
Grading, retakes, late work, attendance.
If you're not sure,
ask a colleague or your administrator and write down the
answer.
It's far better to walk in knowing than to promise
something you have to walk back later.
Mm-hmm, and here's one more.
Decide ahead of time what the one or two next steps are.
If you walk in with a plan on paper, even a draft,
the conversation shifts from blame to problem-solving.
So during the conference, let's think about that.
A structure that works well is this one.
Open with something true and positive about the student,
then share what you're seeing using the work,
then ask the family what they are seeing at home.
Then build the plan for moving forward together.
That third step you just mentioned is the one people skip.
Asking, "What are you noticing at home?" Or,
"What has worked for your child in the past?" Does two
things in those conference conversations.
It gives you information you could not get any other way,
and it signals that the family is a partner with you,
not an audience.
Watch your language, too.
We're so used to education shorthand that we forget that
families don't speak it.
Say, "Reading below grade level,
and here's what that looks like in their work,"
not a string of acronyms.
Keep in mind, when you do not know something,
just say so It's so important to be honest and forthright
in your conversations.
Just say, "I don't have that answer right now.
I will find it out and get back to you by Friday." Always
be honest.
And also, be careful about promises you don't control.
You can say,
"I'm going to bring this to our support team." You cannot
say, "Your child is going to get an evaluation,"
because that's not your decision alone.
Be clear about what you can do and what the process is.
If a conversation gets heated, slow down.
Just slow down.
Acknowledge the feeling, restate the shared goal,
and offer a follow-up meeting with another colleague
present.
You never, ever have to resolve everything in one sitting.
Bringing in other professionals is something that you can
do that will support the conference,
and this is the part that new teachers often hesitate on.
When do you bring in someone else, and how?
Think of your school counselor, your social worker,
your school psychologist,
the special education case manager,
the English language teacher, nurse, or an administrator.
When do those people have a role in that relationship that
you're building with the family?
A good rule of thumb is this: if what you are seeing goes
beyond what instruction and class routines can address,
it is time to loop in somebody else.
That might be ongoing attendance problems,
big changes in behavior or mood,
signs that the student is struggling with basic needs,
or a student is not responding to the supports you have
already tried.
And follow your school's process.
Many schools have a student support team or a tiered
support process.
Ask your mentor or administrator how referrals work at your
building.
That protects you and it protects the student.
There is a big boundary to keep in mind, too.
You describe what you observe.
You are not there to diagnose.
So rather than saying, "I think he has ADHD," you just say,
"I've noticed he has trouble starting tasks and staying
with them for more than a few minutes,
and here are the strategies I've tried."
Right, and it helps to document as you go.
Dates, what you've noticed, what you've tried,
and how the student responded.
Build a little spreadsheet.
That record makes every later conversation with the family
and with your colleagues so much easier.
Yeah, take that written documentation,
talk with the professional before the conference.
Share your snapshot, that evidence.
Ask whether it makes sense for them to join,
and agree on who will say what.
You know,
a family walking into a room of five adults that they did
not expect, it truly feels overwhelming.
They're gonna feel outnumbered.
You might even wanna give them a heads up ahead of time,
and during the meeting you might say to the family,
"I'd like to introduce you to our school social worker.
She helps families connect with supports,
and I think she can be a real resource for us." That
framing says, "There's more help," not, "Here's a problem."
You may also run into or need extra support in onboarding
families, and let me explain what we mean by that.
You know,
families who are newer to your school or to the system,
they may need extra support.
You know,
please don't assume that they know how the portal works,
how to reach you, or what the grading scale means.
These are just a few examples,
but think about those families that need a bit more
hand-holding and onboarding.
A short welcome message initially that explains how you
communicate, how often,
and the best way to reach you goes a long way.
Offer it in the family's home language when possible,
and invite questions.
"If anything about our class or the school is confusing,
I'd like to hear it." Then you can help them.
That's not extra work for no reason.
It just prevents the very disconnect that makes conferences
feel so hard in the first place.
Exactly.
You want the conferences to be smooth.
And then after the conference,
know that the conference itself is not the end.
Send a brief follow-up within a few days in writing.
Recap the strengths you named, the agreed next steps,
who's responsible for what, and when you will check in.
That gives you a little receipt of the conference.
And keep that date.
Don't blow past it.
A quick note or a call two or three weeks later,
whatever works best for you, even just to say,
"Here's what I'm seeing," tells the family you meant it.
You're in this partnership with them.
And share good news when you have it.
A positive message home really changes the whole tone of
the relationship.
And take care of yourself afterward.
Debrief with your mentor, jot down what went well,
and give yourself credit for showing up.
Hard conversations are part of this work,
and you will get better at them.
I couldn't agree more, Anna.
I think that's just so true.
So let's talk about the key takeaways.
Let's land this podcast episode.
Here is what we hope you take with you from what we shared.
Prepare a one-page snapshot with specific evidence or
documentation.
Start with strengths and invite the family into the
conversation.
Be honest about what you do not know.
And bring in your support colleague or colleagues early
through the right channels.
And always follow up in writing or with a phone call.
You're not expected to fix everything in a 20-minute
meeting.
Know that.
You're building a relationship with the people who care
most about your student,
and that relationship is one of the most powerful tools you
have.
If this episode was helpful to you,
subscribe to New Teacher Talk wherever you listen so you
never miss an episode,
and share it with a teacher friend who has conferences
coming up.
And leave us a rating or review, too.
It helps other new teachers find the show.
Until next time, I'm Anna.
And I'm Beth.
Take care of yourselves,
and we will see you on the next episode of New Teacher Talk.