Latest / The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast / "What's Wrong With Me?" — The Question Every Sex Addict Asks

Transcript

"What's Wrong With Me?" — The Question Every Sex Addict Asks · The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast

• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Sex porn love addiction is all about self-soothing to manage your emotions.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: It got set up back in the childhood development years.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's just not about sex, it's not about porn.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's all about the repeated use and set up the physiology to crave those dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, self-manufactured drugs in the body.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's impacting women, men, children, age 10 to 75 across all the age ranges, the sexes, the cultures, the professions.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: It increased exponentially during COVID lockdown and impacting so many lives.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: The Kairos Center has created the first online comprehensive sex porn love addiction.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's a video on demand recovery program which you can access from anywhere in the world and begin to see identifiable changes just within six weeks of beginning this weekly program.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Kairos means your appointed time.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't it your time to reclaim your life?
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Bring colour back to life without shame.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Click the link below and begin your journey.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: You owe it to yourself and to others.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: I want to continue with the better understanding you.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: And this next portion will require individual therapy.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Individual or couples therapy, where you come to me for a number of sessions where we're going to use timelines and geneograms to go on a journey to understand the highs and the lows of life that you have experienced to shape you to be the person that you are.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's therapeutic tools that we'll be using.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I've given to you some self-help tools, but you might want to supplement them by having some sessions with me.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: On my website, I call them singles or couples diagnostic sessions.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: And couples can book these five sessions where I go through some of the material that you'll be going through yourself, but included in those five sessions are the creation of the timeline and the geneogram.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Let me explain, let me expand.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: The timeline is a graphical representation of your journey through life from the time you were born to the age that you are now.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: I will explain to you, indeed, I'll include a sample of it in the workbook for you to see what a timeline lifeline looks like.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: You would plot, you would create your own.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: I would get you to obtain a blank A4 sheet of paper, turn it landscape, to the far left is a line top to bottom, and then in the center of the sheet is a line going from left to right, and that line in the center, the neutral axis, will be marked off perhaps in centimeters or inches, typically inches, and what those increments represent are your different age starting over in the far left at birth.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: There may be one inch or two centimeters to represent year five, age ten, age fifteen, age twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five, all the way along that line up to the age that you are now.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Everything that you plot above that neutral axis will represent the positive experiences of life that you have gone through from the time you were born, different years and age, right up to the age that you are now, the positive experiences.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Everything below that neutral axis will be the negative impactful experiences of life from the time you were born up to the age that you are now.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'll give you a sample of what it looks like for somebody else, and the sample of somebody else's life will start from time of birth, and let's say I remember being alive at age three.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: That was a positive experience.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: My life with my family, my brothers, my sisters, that was a good time.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I remember it fondly and with good memories, but I remember at about age 10, my dad came home, and mum and dad shared with us that dad had got a new job, and we're gonna have to move homes.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: That caused me some concern because I'm gonna have to leave my friends behind, and so on the graph, it might start to go down, and the person might explain that when they did move homes, they got to the new place where they live, but in school they were bullied, so the bullying will take them right below the neutral axis into a negative place and continue along that negative place for some time, and they might talk about at age fifteen.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, they were preparing for their examinations, they remember some bullying as well, but actually, they left school at 16 back then in the future.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say at age 18, got an apprenticeship or went to university, that was a good time, leaving home, etc.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it will go on to plot the highs of first girlfriend, first boyfriend, getting married, first pregnancy, first child, but somewhere along that line it will also show maybe a miscarriage, maybe some abuse.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever the negative thing is, should only take you something like twenty-twenty-five minutes or so to plot the timeline.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Not looking for some major artistic work.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: The timeline's only going to be as good as the information you remember on the occasion that you plot it, and that's fine.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: A geneogram is just a posh word for a family tree, really, because when we do the journey through your timeline, I'm sometimes going the wrong way, aren't I?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: When we do the journey through your timeline, it is important that we look at you in all the different systems in which you interacted as you were growing up, but particularly in relation to family and the extended family.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: We want to see the role the family members have played in your life to shape you, the scripts that get handed on, like the button.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so in the geneogram at this lower level on the sheet of paper, we'll plot your current relationship, any children that come off that relationship, and then further up, coming off you, each of you as partners, we're going to show your parents.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Coming off the line of your parents are your siblings, whether they be biological for the same mum, for the same dad, adopted step brothers, stepsisters.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: We'll plot all of them.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: We'll plot them accurately, but then going off that line of your parents, we'll see your grandparents, but then we'll see the siblings for your mum and dad, your aunties, your uncles, and we're gonna give some descriptions, some words, some words that will define your view of those individuals, all of them that you have plotted on the geneogram.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: You might use words such as loving, kind, you might use some negative words such as alcoholic, abuser, difficult, absent, not really available.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: All sorts of words that you think accurately describes that individual in the family will also plot how close you are right now to those family members.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: There are various things we'll plot on that geneogram, but we'll do it together, and then we're gonna do a journey where you describe, you talk through the things on the timeline, always having available the geneogram, the family tree, and I'm gonna get to offer you some observations, some inputs based upon the knowledge that we've got about life, childhood development scripts, sexual scripts that have shaped your sexuality, that have shaped your way of doing life, and hope with the insights and understanding that I offer to you, you will be better able to have a greater insight and understanding about you and how you come to be doing life, how you are doing life, and supplement the other work you'll be doing around yourself from the online webinar program.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: I do hope you have this session with me.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: That'll be really, really valuable.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Send me a message.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to get your relationship back onto a better footing for your future.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do some work without shame and bring color back to life.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Send the email, send the message to me, Gary McFarlane at the Kairos Center, and let's begin to reclaim your quality of life.