Latest / You Minding Your Own Business / Episode 46 - Family Trauma: What is the Golden Child Syndrome?

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Episode 46 - Family Trauma: What is the Golden Child Syndrome? · You Minding Your Own Business

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Hello everybody.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Welcome to you Minding your Own Business radio podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: I'm your host, scottis Oshameyama.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: I appreciate you guys for joining me for this episode.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: If you guys like the commentary you wanna hear more,
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: please go to speaker dot com forward slash you Minding
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: your Own Business. If you wanna hear all of my podcasts,
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: please go to speaker dot com for slash. My name
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: A s H A M A R I A M
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: A and you will hear in all of my podcasts.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: If you guys want to hear my podcasts on the
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: other streaming companies, it's our iHeartRadio, Spotify, Google, iTunes, Amazon,
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: and multiple other streaming companies. A little bit about me,
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: I'm a certifire Recovery, Healing and Recovery and addiction codes.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: It's all about helping people on their paths and their
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: journeys to a new embtter you. I help people with
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: this particular podcast when it comes to you minding your
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: own business and focusing on yourself instead of focusing on
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: everybody else, You lowering yourselves and being captain Sable Builder,
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: theres build a Dolls, sea Fillers people pleasers and trying
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: to make everybody else happy and not making yourself happy.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: You're up here trying to see the best in people
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: that don't see the best in themselves. You're trying to
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: bring everybody on the same level as you that ain't
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: supposed to nowhere near be on the same level as
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: you in the first place, People that you have allowed
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: to cause chaos and destruction, to use and take advantage of,
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: to manipulate, to bamboozle and lead you a strength. You
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: up here not focusing on your path and your journey
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: and what you're supposed to be doing, because you're worried
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: about everybody else. You're too busy being in everybody else's business.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: And now you're later on in life, looking at your
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: life and the people that you did all of this
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: forward no longer in your life, no more, and now
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: you asking yourself, where did the time go? How in
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: the world it is so much time vantish from my life.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: All the things you could have should have would have
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: been doing, all the things you should have could have
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: would have been doing, but you didn't.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: You didn't do none of it.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: Why because you worried about everybody else. Now, if you
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: guys want to be a guest on my podcast, or
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: if you want to send me their ostra letters about
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: some of y'all that are going through not minding your
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: own business and this podcast brings you some inspiration, please
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: email me.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Or if you want to be.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: A sponsor of my podcast, please go to my email
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: address A s h A dot M A r I
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: A M A zero one at gmail dot com. That's
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: a s H A dot M A r I A
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: M A zero one at gmail dot com.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: I hope y'all are doing well.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: And I know y'all probably think I so mean when
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: I said it like that, but I stand on it.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: I made this podcast because I am the main primary
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: candidate and I am an expert on speaking on the
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: people pleasers, seat filler, Captain, save a whole, people.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Pleasers, all of that.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: I can speak on it from personal experience, and I
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: myself am coming to terms with how my life would
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: have been if I'd have focused on myself, how my
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: life would have been if I wouldn't have dated the
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: people that I dated. Now, don't get me wrong, they're
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: not bad people, but we just weren't meant to be together.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: Me realizing I was never in a relationship in the
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: first place. And I really should have just been by myself,
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: traveling the world, me pausing my life and lowering myself
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: to build other people so I can speak on this person.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: This podcast is not only my personal experiences with it,
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: but helping other people through it, because there are a
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: lot of people that not only are dealing with the
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: golden child, you know, sibling, but they're also dealing with
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: family that ain't never there for them, family members that
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: have set up up here and may and always say
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: to you, you're the responsible one, You're the independent one.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: You're always the one that is mister or missus reliable.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: They forget your birthday, they forget all your events, they
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: never show up. When they come to that golden child,
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: they are going to be there no matter what. So
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: I decided to make this particular season all about them
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: for the parents dynamic, and we're gonna start with siblings,
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: and then we're gonna do with parents.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: And then we're gonna deal with you know, other relatives.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: But this particular one is the catalysts of it all,
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: and that's sibling. Because some of y'all are going through this.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: When it comes to step sister, Step brothers. You're going
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: through this for you biological sister brother. You might even
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: go through this with your cousin or somebody that's adopted,
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: but either way, you're going through it now. It's one
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: thing if your sibling is a DOT, is got a disability,
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: and they really have a very severe disability, then I
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: can understand why your parents.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Would feel the way they feel.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: But when it comes down to the ones, it ain't
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: nothing wrong with him. I got a very six problem
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: with that now, being I have a child with autism,
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: and being that he's my only child, he's the only
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: one I got, and so you know, I just feel
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: like that when it comes down to these situations. You know,
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: that is one thing if you have a child with autism,
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: or if you got a child that got special needs
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: and they really do have a disability. But some of
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: these people take these disabilities way too far and they
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: start using it as a crutch. And that's why I
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: never treated my son like he had a disability, even
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: though he has one, because I didn't want him to
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: use it as a crutch or as a dependent. That
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: wasn't what I wanted for him. I wanted him to
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: be able to be independent. Self sufficient and being able
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: to still function with the disability and with the world
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: being as it is right now, we are in chaos.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: But I was sitting at my desk and I was
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: working today. You know, I do work a really nine
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: to five job, and I'm building a coaching business, and
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: I said to myself, I don't.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Want to work no more.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: I was like, I don't want to go to work.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: I don't want to work tomorrow. I ain't trying to
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: go to work.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: I'm like, don't really want to do this.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: Because we spend the majority of our lives sitting up here,
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: work for everybody else, making everybody else money, and yet
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: we're still broke.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: How is it that we make money and we're broke.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: I always ask my second question.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: As soon as you get your paycheck, your paycheck ain't
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: going towards what you want to go towards.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: It's going towards your.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: Bilts, it's going towards your student loans, it's going towards
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: your credit cards, is going towards everything else except what
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: I really wanted them. And then I have I have
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: barely enough money to do anything. So imagine you have
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: siblings and family members that when you get older, that
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: did not help you with nothing coming to you, asking
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: you to pay their mortgage, asking you to pay off
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: your sister's wedding, pay off her situation, and you're just
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: sitting there like, wait a minute, what, but she don't
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: never do nothing for me.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: He don't never do nothing for me.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: You got that one child that's still live at home
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: with their parents and the other.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: One gets kicked out.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: You always gonna have the responsible and then the irresponsible,
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: the one that they always put on a pedestal no
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: matter what, And you like, then, why.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: Am I even here?
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: Why did you even have me? If you feel the
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: way that you feel, it's always like that. And then
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: you may have parents that when they get me married
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: or they get a new man, they act like you
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: don't exist.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: They drop you off at your grandma house and leave you.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: And then years later, when you win the lottery, here
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: they come talking about they deserve half of the money,
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: even though all they did was use your grandma. All
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: they did was use whoever it was it raised you,
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: or they never raised you at all. And you were adopted,
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: and your adopted family ends up passing away and you
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: end up getting an inheritance.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: Now they want to sue you. This is all stund
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: familiar to y'all, be cause it's sound familiar to me.
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: So when it comes down to siblings, as far as
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: those golden children and the ones that are just like
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: you know they are, mom and dad are always belling
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: them out of something like that one child that keep
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: going to jail and mom and dad keep thinking, oh,
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: it's gonna get better, or the one that constantly gets
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: in trouble and mom and dad are always belling them out,
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: or they come their parents or some type of Ponzi
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: scheme or some type of business and the mom and
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: dad end up investing in it and.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: It ends up going belly up.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: But then when you go ask them to help you out,
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: they don't want to help you. They all sit there
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: and they buy your sister or brother a new car
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: or a new house, but they won't buy you nothing.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: This is all sound familiar there.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: It happens more times than not. Believe it or not,
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: it does. But the one thing that I learned about
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: this particular siblings situation is that a lot of people
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: don't even talk about it. A lot of people don't
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: even when they go to therapy, don't even talk about
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: their siblings.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: They really don't. They don't even mention them. And I
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: think it's important that we don't just deal with his parents.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: You also gotta deal with siblings because sometimes they trip
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: me out when they say, Oh, you're just jealous of me.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: You're jealous of me because you don't have a husband.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: You're jealous of me because why am I jealous of you? Again?
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: Oh so I'm jealous of you because mom and dad
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: do for you. I done got over that along. Sorry, y'all.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: That was my mommy calling me.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: She was making sure that I had got some money
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: because you remember I told y'all lost eleven hundred dollars. Yeah,
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: my mama sent me some money to help me out
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: till Friday, and I appreciate it.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Shout out to my mama. Let you mommy anyway.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: Better what I was saying silvi, civil rivalry, golden children. Now,
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: don't get me wrong. I've been here and me and
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: my sister are. We're in a good place. And like
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: I said, but it wasn't perfect, but we're in a
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: good place. But I will say this though. You know,
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: even though you want to blame your sibling for their behavior,
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: actually is the parents, because they're the ones that let
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: them have this behavior, this entitlement, this being spoiled, and
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: thinking they can treat people any kind of way. And
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: then what's even more crazy is you have an event,
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: let's say you getting married, right, and then your parents
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: don't even show up because they're going to your siblings event.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: Let's say you graduate from high school from college and
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: or you have a business opening or whatever the case
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: may be.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Your parents don't even show up.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: Why because they're going to your siblings event or whatever
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: they got going on.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: But then they asking you for money at the same time.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: Now, for some of us, we think by giving them money,
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: by doing for them, that the family will finally see
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: what value we bring to the table. But we don't
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: understand is that don't matter either, cause the one thing
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: they gonna do is start thinking of you as a
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: cash cow. That one payment will turn into fifty million,
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: hundred payments. They'll be coming you asking you for money
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: every single week. They'll be sitting there asking you for
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: money every single day, asking you to pay their rent.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: Then when you find out the money ain't going where
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: it's supposed to be going, when you find out that
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: that is actually.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: Going towards trips.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: They're taking the money and doing everything else except what
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: they supposed to do, and then come to you like
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: you didn't just give them one hundred thousand dollars to
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: pay off the house.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: Or you pay off.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: The house and then you find out they're giving the
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: house to your sibling, a house that you paid off,
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: or you live in an apartment that they own and
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: then all of a sudden they want to kick you out,
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: or you get a new house before your sibling gets
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: a new house, and because your house is bigger than
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: the one they got, they want your house. Or they
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: end up leaving their significant other and they want to
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: move in with you, but yet want.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: To take over your house.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: Man, y'all be amazed the stuff that go on that
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: I see every day when it comes to siblings, and
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna read some of them to you that I'm
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: sitting up here looking at. There is one where the
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: parents and men that I cancel my wedding for my
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: golden sister's feelings. Ain't no way in the world on
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: calm my wedding because of my sister's feelings. Why in
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: the world would I do that? Why in the world,
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: would I sit up here and give up my whole
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: entire wedding because of my siblings feelings that ain't got
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: nothing to do with me being married. Me getting married
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: should have nothing to do with my sibling. And then
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: there's another one, but that's husband and wife. Then you
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: have another one. My sister said, this year is only
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: for a real family. So, like I said, it's just
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: crazy how people treat their family, and it's just insane
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: how people think they can just do whatever they want
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: to to you. And then it says there was one
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: that says, don't return here. Parents says, so I left
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: that night. So it's crazy how you got parents that
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: will sit there and not expect the one sibling to
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: do anything at all. They're taking care of that sibling.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: But then when it comes to the other child or
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: one of the kids is like they don't want to
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: do nothing for him. And then it says my family
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: threw me out under the rain when I was jobless.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: And then the crazy part is there's one where it
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: says at my graduation on at my graduation day, my
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: parents kicked me out the house the day paid that
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: she paid for. So you see what I mean This
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: is what some people do when you after you serve
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: no purpose, they want nothing to do with you. So
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: when you were sitting up there doing all this stuff,
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: some people say, oh, it's expected, you're expected to.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: Take care of me. Excuse you, how am I supposed to?
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: What do you mean?
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: There's the part that tricks me out more than anything.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: When you got parents that give the youngest hand me
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: downs or the middle child hand me downs, and they
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: get the other ones bunch of new gifts, or you
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: got step kids that come in that they end up
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: taking over your room, the room that you had originally.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: It's it's insane.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: Or they say to you they're gonna take your college
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: fund to take care of your sibling, to do something
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: with your sibling, or they don't have enough money to
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: put you through school. That's crazy. But it happens all
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: the time, though it really does. It happens more more
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: times than not. So I do find it funny when
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: I sit here and I, you know, hear people say, oh,
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: this happens to me all the time.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: It has.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: You got family members that you know, the grandma leans
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: the child everything, don't leave their parents nothing. And now
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: you're fighting in court because your parents feel they are
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: entitled to what you got, or your grandparents were sending
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: you money for college and you never got it because
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: they spent it. Yeah, it happens more times than not.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: You even got parents that put stuff on their children's credit,
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: And I don't understand how somebody can put something on
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: somebody credit and don't even look at the age.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: It's crazy. But like I said, these are things that
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: people go through. They really do.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: You got you know parents that go to you about
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: their siblings helping them pay their rent, helping them get
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: out of debt, helping them get.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: Out the situation, and you like, no, I'm not doing it.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna keep paying for it.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: And then when you see all the money you giving
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: this person, I don't see somebody see. I've seen one
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: where they gave almost a half a million dollars helping
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: their family, and when they finally cut them off, they
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: was like so much relieved. I've seen situations where siblings
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: have paid for weddings and then they told them they
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: couldn't come to the wit. I've seen situations where the
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: mom messed up the dress. I done seen where the
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: sister ends up messing with somebody hug the other sisters
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: or brother's husband and then turn around and the parents
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: knew about it, and they're saying they're telling the one
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: that got hurt or just act like it didn't happen.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: And no, this forget act like it didn't happen. I
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: am no longer acting like something didn't happen. I am
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: no longer acting like somebody didn't hurt me. I'm sorry,
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: I'm just not doing it. I refused to if you
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: hurt me, I believe me, you gonna know you hurt me,
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: and I ain't gonna have nothing to do with you
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: after you done did some mess like that.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: So at the end of the day, like I.
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: Said, the fact that the people are always telling us
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: suck it up at like it didn't happen takes you
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: right back to childhood because they help. Your parents were
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: the first one that told you that that your feelings
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: didn't matter, that what you were going through just suck
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: it up and act like it didn't happen. It's like
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: when you fall up a bike, instead of them consoling
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: you and they tell you to get back on that
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: bike and ride the bike. Now, I understand that you
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: do want to give tough love, but that ain't what
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: you do with the otherm When you don't treat kids
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: the same way and you don't give them the same
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: type of punishments, the same type of consequences of be
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: because of the Carmen, that's a huge problem. So at
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: the end of the day, that's why you have one
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: that's responsible and one is lazy, because both of them
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: were not raised with the same value system. It's always
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: going to be that favorite child. It's always going to
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: be the one that's always.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: Always going to be that parent's favorite.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: It just is, even though it shouldn't be, but it
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: always will be. But I always say, if I had
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: two kids, I would love each one of them differently
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: because they are different. But I would love them equally
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: yet differently, meaning I would love them the same. I
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: would just love them differently because they're different kids, and
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: I would try to be there for both of them.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: But you'll see the lot in the dusty where they're
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: only focus on one child, but don't focus on the
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: rest of them. The one that got the most talent
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: is the one they're gonna focus on, not the rest
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: of the kids. Because I didn't even know that Taylor
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: Swift had siblings. I didn't even know that a lot
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: of these celebrities got siblings, and I was shot when
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: I finally they had siblings. I'm like, what happened to
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: the other siblings because the parents aren't paying no attention
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: to and so a lot of them never got the
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: same treatment as the other one, which is sad, but
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: it happens more times than not.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: And then after a while, these kids.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Are like, I'm not worried about my parents being there,
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: But then when they make it, here'll come to parents with.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: The guilt trips.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: We raised you? You raised me? When and how? Please
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: explain to me when you raised me? Because the last
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: time I checked, you did not raise me. The last
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: time I check, you gave me hand me downs? So
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: how did you take care? How did you raise me?
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: How did you take care of me? When you gave
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: me hand me downs? Clothed didn't even fit me. You
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: weren't even there for none of my events, none of
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: what I was going through. Didn't even help me with homework.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: But yet you're gonna sit there and talking about you
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: did something me, What exactly did you do? So when
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: they come to healing and recovery. It's gonna be the
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: hardest when it come to family. But once you heal
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: from family, all everybody else is gonna be so easy
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: for you to deal with because the same way you
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: do with your family is how you're gonna do with
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: everybody else. But once you heal from your family, the
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: stuff that you ain't gonna put up with from your family,
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: you ain't gonna put up with with nobody else. But
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: you have to start with family first. Once you deal
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: with family, then everything else will come smooth. You're like
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: when it comes to your health and wellness, once you
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: heal yourself internally, everything else will, you know, come back
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: as it should be. When it comes to your external health.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: Everybody thinks when you lose weight that you're healthy.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: No it ain't because a lot of people ain't healthy.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: And even if even if they are society's standards of weight,
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: they don't mean they're healthy. So all I will say
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: is that you know, it is hard when you're trying
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: to make everybody else happy and yet you're miserable because
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: in order for you to make somebody else happy, you
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: got to lose a part of yourself. Unfortunately, a lot
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: of you don't understand it. A lot of people ain't
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: gonna like everything about you, and because you have to,
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: you know, respect other people, and because you have to
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: sort of lower yourself. So a good example, right, you
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: might have somebody that's real affectionate and you may not
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: be an affectionate person. Guess what, you gotta cater to
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: their needs if you're gonna be with them. If you're
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: gonna be around people, that means you have to step
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: up to certain levels in order to be around them,
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: which means you may have to change a little bit.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: So let's say, for example, you hang around a bunch
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: of boogie girls and you're not bougie at all. Well,
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: guess what, in order to be around these girls, you
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: gotta be bougie. So you're still lowering yourself to a
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: certain extent. So it's really hard for people to be
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: themselves when you have people that are constantly critiquing them
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: every single day about whatever it is they're critickuling on
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: you about.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: So if you don't fit in.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: That's why I said, even though you're accepted, doesn't mean
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: you're chosen. And just because you're chosen doesn't mean you're accepted.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: That's just something I had to learn. But when it
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: comes to healing and recovery, I will say this. I
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: have no problem with adjust a new word, adjusting the thing.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: I have no problem with adjusting to anything. But the
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: one thing that I'm not gonna do is lower myself. Now,
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: I can adjust a little bit, but if it ain't
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: meant for me to be there, then I ain't gonna
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: be there.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: If somebody don't like me. I don't care if I'm.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: Chosen, I still ain't going because I'm not gonna go
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: somewhere not only where I'm not accepted, but also where
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: I'm not chosen.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: I ain't going. If I'm not chosen and accepted, I
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: ain't going. But the one thing.
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: About me is I have learned that I'm not living
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: my life based on society's standards because look at everything
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: that's going on right now. Look at everything that's going
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: on right now, the way that this government is acting
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: when it comes down to if they don't get their way,
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: they're gonna destroy everything and make everybody miserable.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: That right there tells.
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: Me, excuse my language. Lord, damn if you're dude, damned.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: If you don't.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: So even if you try to do things the right way.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: Even if you try to work your way through it,
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: it don't mean that it's gonna end the well because
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: it ain't. So even if you try to sit up
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: here and do what's right, that I don't mean that
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: it's right in everybody else's eyes. So say, for example,
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: you're trying to be settlement, you try not to have
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: sex to a marriage. That does not mean that everybody
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: is going to accept that. Some people ain't even gonna
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: accept the fact. And some people will date you even
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: though you're a celibate. They're gonna try to direct to
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: date you just because they want to break a celibacy.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: So you have people that are trying to do the
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: right thing, but they're told that they're wrong because they
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: don't fit society standards. Well, and my recovery and my healing,
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: what I learned is either you're going to be of
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: God's standards and not be a part of society standards,
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: or you're gonna be a part of society standards and
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: not be a part of God's standards.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: But either way, you're gonna have to choose.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: And in healing and recovery, that was something I learned
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: that you have to choose between society standards and God's standards,
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: and I chose God's standards. So no, I don't try
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: to fit society standards no longer. I'm not trying to
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: fit society standards of beauty. I'm not trying to do
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: anything for the best of my ability that.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: Goes against God. But I certainly have.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: Learned that with negative people, I'm not even wasting my
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: time with them. People the many you says I'm negative
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: can't deal with you anyway. So, like I said, you know,
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: in the end of this conversation, I would just say that.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: You're gonna have.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: Until you deal with your family issues, everybody else is
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: gonna do you the same way your family do they
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: are And until you break your family, that's when you
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: break everybody else because when you demand respect from your family,
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: when you put boundaries in place when it comes to
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: your family, everything else will fall into place. But if
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: you don't put them boundaries when they come to your family,
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: and you don't deal with them family issues. So I
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: would recommend anybody that's eighteen you might wanna do that,
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: because if you don't, every relationship you gonna be in
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: it's gonna be no different than what your parents put
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: you through. Because sometimes the people that's gonna love you
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: will not always be your family and friends. It might
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: just be people that don't know you. Your family, maybe
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: people you don't know like Fast and Furious is the
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: best example of that, because you got people out here
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: that basically, like Don said, his family was Ludle, Chris
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: and and Tyres and the other girl and his you know,
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: all of them, including Paul Walker, God rest his soul.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: So again, not everybody's family is gonna be biological. Some
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: people don't even consider their family family that are biological,
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: so be mindful of that. Like I said, sometimes the
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: main people that can be your enemy can be people
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: that don't know you. And that's the bad and worst
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: part about it all that there are people that don't
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: know you. So when they come to family, you need
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: to deal with that.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: First.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: You need to accept what they did to you. Don't
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: act like it did not happen. Do not just suck
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: it up and act like it don't exist. It happened
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: to you, and you should never not be able to
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: acknowledge the pain that you went through when it came
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: to your parents, when it come to your siblings, You
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: got every right to say how they treated you.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: You got every right.
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: To express the hurt that you felt from that. And
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: going to counseling when you eighteen, I would suggest that
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: I was just going to counseling when you out eighteen.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: Between eighteen and twenty two, go to college, go to counseling.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: Why because you need to speak to somebody about your
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: family issues. Because a lot of people have been told
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: to bury so many emotions.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: That's why they's so violent.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: That's why you got so many of these kids so
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: violent because they're not allowed to express their emotions. They're
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: not allowed to express their feelings, which is why they're
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: in the predicament that they're in.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: Now, you got.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: People out here that do all kind of things, and
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: it's because of family issues and the way they were
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: treated as kids. So it does trickle into adulthood. Anything
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: that you did as a child will trinkle down into
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: you being an adult, So you will end up with
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: the same type of people.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: And because you want to be accepted so bad because your.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: Parents didn't accept you, you're now looking for that and
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: other people. And now these people who you think are
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: accepting you and all actuality are not accepting you at all,
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: so you gotta be mindful of that. So I recommend
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: any young person go to therapy so you can talk
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: to somebody, because before you start bringing anybody in your life,
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: you need to deal with you need to deal with
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: your family issues because once you once you deal with
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: your family issues, then you can find those boundaries because
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: a lot of people, that's what they're doing. They're looking
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: for love that they didn't get from their parents, and
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: now they're trying to find any other people. And then
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: you also got Stockholm syndrome. You get all of these
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: different things. So all of these things absolutely matter. So
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: dealing with your family issues and dealing with their Golden
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: child syndrome specially, I see the independent one that is,
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: you know, trying to get love. Eventually you get tired.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: I don't even want nothing to do with my family
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: no more. I don't even want to talk to people.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: I don't even want to even have them in my life,
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: especially after everything they've done. Especially when you see how
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: much money you've lost. Honey, When I tell you, when
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: you look at how much money all these people done
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: took from you, you gonna wish to God you would
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: have just told them no, instead of trying to be
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: Captain saber hold Bill, Bill Dolls, seat fellers and people pleasers,
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: because honey, I'm here to tell you it ain't worth it. It
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: ain't worth it at all, because you ain't gonna do
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: nothing but low yourself and destroy yourself, and you're letter
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: you're gonna regret it, and there is physical trauma when
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: it comes to that.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: So that being said, I.
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: Thank you guys for joining me for this episode. I
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: appreciate y'all. I love y'all. Without y'all, there is no
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: mean I'll be nothing without y'all. And until next time,
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: we will talk later, by y'all,