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Things Narcissists Do When You First Meet Them · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So what are some things that narcissists do at the beginning
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  of a relationship? When you first meet them, like
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  when you first sit down on your first date or when you first
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  getting to know them? How do they treat you?
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  What goes on in their minds? What are they doing?
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  That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
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  And guess what? I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
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  My name is Lee Hammock. I don't.
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  I share this platform. I use my voice to give you an
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  inside look at the mind of a narcissist.
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  So let's hop right into it y'all If my intro is gone, no more
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  intro no more intro right let's hop right into it.
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  What are some. So how do narcissists act in the
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  beginning of a relationship? I know the first thing that what
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  people are going to say is love bombing Yes, a lot of
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  narcissists are going to love bomb in the beginning of a
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  relationship. Not every single narcissist is
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  the same. Now, remember I I said that
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  didn't No2 narcissists are the same, but they're going to be a
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  lot of similarities at the beginning of a relationship when
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  you're getting to know this person, when this person is
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  treated like when you on your first date, your first blind
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  date, if that's what's going on right, that narcissistic person
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  might love mommy. Sometimes they might not, but
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  one thing that they're definitely going to be doing
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  when you first getting to know them when you first meet them is
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  gathering a ton of information on you about you for you, right?
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  Seriously, a lot of narcissists, when you first meet them,
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  they're going to be gathering a ton of information on you.
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  This is what narcissistic people do because in order to
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  manipulate you in order to get you to fall for them in order to
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  get you in order to love bomb you in the 1st place, they have
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  to gather information. If they're they're gathering
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  Intel on you at the beginning of a relationship when you're first
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  getting to know this person and it doesn't have to be an
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  intimate relationship. Y'all, this could be your
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  friend. This could be a narcissistic
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  friend or narcissistic business partner, right?
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  Probing you for information, getting a lot of Intel on you to
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  understand who you are in order to guess what, guess what they
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  do with their information? They love bomb you, but they
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  also mirror you in the beginning of a relationship with a
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  narcissist. A lot of people don't realize
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  that most of y'all fall in love with a different version of
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  yourselves. Because could it be true that
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  that narcissistic person has a lot of similarities with you,
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  right? Y'all could have a lot of the
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  same interest, the same dislikes and dislikes, right?
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  Y'all could have have a lot of that type of stuff going on, but
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  a lot of time they're mirroring you, they're gathering
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  information about you so that they can mirror you later on or
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  in the beginning of a relationship to get you the fall
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  for them to get you with those to put those heart eyes in your
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  eyes. You're seeing those those
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  cartoons when the the characters fall in love, like the Looney
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  Tunes and stuff. When the characters fall in love
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  and the eyes turn into hearts just like that right there.
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  That's literally, that's literally what happens.
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  You get the heart eyes in there because they're mirroring you
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  and now y'all have very similar interests.
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  Now y'all like the same things. Now y'all dislike the same
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  things. You like this person.
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  It's almost like this person was made for me, like we're a match
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  made in in empath heaven. We're just alike.
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  We love the same things. There's nothing we don't like
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  about each other. Oh my goodness, I've never met
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  someone who likes exactly the same things that I like.
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  Come on now, y'all I get I understand sometimes you can
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  have similar interests, but every single thing you know, I
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  thought the story before, but there's a lady I used to work
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  with in real estate, right and she met up she met a guy online.
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  She has this very uniquely quirky personality, right?
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  She's very quirky person. I would just this those are the
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  words that we use very quirky, very cool, right, nice, good,
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  nice woman. She met a guy online right and
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  he had the exact same quirky nature as her.
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  I was like and there there's like there's like Lee you what's
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  his name by him? I was like, ah, he seemed kind
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  of fake. I don't know, I don't know just
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  like I like you, you're cool, but him acting the same exact
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  way you do That's weird right? I just like I don't know in
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  paper he's like me Lee, You know what you're talking about You a
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  hater. I like art and guess what?
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  Y'all was Lee right? Yes, he was right.
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  Dude had a whole wife and kids I think in a in a whole different
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  state. He was coming down here to work
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  and in a whole new relationship and at home he had a wife and
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  kids. Wasn't anything like that.
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  He was like weirdo, literally a weirdo online, literally a
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  weirdo. It was crazy.
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  I was just like I told y'all something about this dude.
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  I told y'all. It's just too many.
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  It's too many things like you're cool, but he he literally
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  mirrored the hell out of dressed like they're dressed like her
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  all kinds. I was just like, this is weird
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  how the whole family, whole family up north, whole family.
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  I forgot how to she discovered it and whatnot, but it was just
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  like devastating to her. Of course, because you know, I
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  didn't rub it in her face. I was like, look, I I I know
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  narcissistic people. I know a little.
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  I know a thing or two. And this is before my social
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  media platform. This was back when I was a real
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  estate agent in Kernersville, NC Keller Williams.
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  I like the kW See. I like to my folks at kW
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  Kernersville, I still go to office town from downtown.
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  But yeah, that's literally what goes on.
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  They manipulate the hell out of you.
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  They pretend you'd like the exact same the exact same things
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  that you like in order to get you.
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  But also when you first meet a narcissist, one thing that a lot
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  of people don't talk about doing a love by me phase is that they
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  take up all of your time. They take up all of your time.
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  The isolation in a toxic relationships begins at the
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  beginning of the relationship. And I know a lot of people think
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  that it's sweet, Lee. They're just being sweet and
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  nice and kind. We just want to we just like
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  breathe in each other's air. I love the I love the smell of
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  them, Lee. I love it.
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  I kissed Dawn. I can't do anything without this
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  person. So when I'm doing somewhat like
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  this is the true story right here.
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  I have a lot of stories off my 1:00 on ones up for zoom.
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  I don't I just don't share my one on ones.
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  My zoom one on ones are private. I just get like little details
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  here and there to help other people.
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  But I did a call with a woman, right?
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  And she was just like, I just I think he's he's narcissistic,
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  Duh, duh, duh. And she told me one thing.
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  She's like, he's very sweet though, like he always wants to
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  be on the phone with me. Like he bought me a Bluetooth
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  headset that can I can hide behind my ear.
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  So even when I'm at work, I can still be on the phone with him
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  and nobody would know. I was like, I was like, wait,
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  what? And she's like, yeah, even when
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  we go to sleep, he likes to FaceTime till we go to sleep and
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  stuff like that. And if I, if I go to sleep
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  before we FaceTime, he gets very angry.
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  I like, that's not sweet, that's controlling.
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  And she was like, wait, what? I like, no, that's definitely
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  not sweet. That's controlling.
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  This person is trying to, they're, they're super insecure
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  and 100% controlling because they don't want anybody.
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  They want to make sure that they have some type of access control
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  and control over you at all times.
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  This is what they're doing. They're trying to have this
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  access. They're trying to control you
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  because they they want to have the power over you.
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  They want to be able to do what they want to do, come and go as
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  they please and treat you any type of way.
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  This is literally the mentality of a lot of narcissistic people.
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  It really is. So when you're dealing with an
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  abuser or manipulator or whoever it may be, this is the type of
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  stuff that you have to understand that is going on.
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  Like truly like they're going to take up a lot of your time
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  because they want to be, they want to control you, they want
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  to isolate you. They don't like you going out
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  with your friends and family members.
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  They just do not like when you do that.
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  Now, I think a lot of people don't realize that you think
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  it's sweet. You think it's so nice and they
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  just they are so in love with you, which could be a truth for
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  some people, right? But when you try to set a
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  boundary and just say, hey, look, I don't necessarily like
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  talking to you to you all the time.
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  Like, can we, you know, you don't have to say it like that.
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  Of course you can say, hey, can I go to sleep tonight without
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  being on FaceTime? If they throw a fit, if you set
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  a boundary and they lose their minds, you see, that's when the
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  red flags start a flagging right there.
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  When the red flags start a flagging, that's when you that's
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  when you can go go out of that way right there, right?
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  So a lot of narcissists will take up your time.
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  Another thing that a lot of narcissists do when you first
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  meet them is that not every single narcissist will do this
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  job, but they lie. Y'all the the lying can get in
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  the lying can get out of control.
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  Y'all know I'm feeling, I'm feeling in my living room.
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  Somebody said late film changes change the location.
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  I was going to film outside. Y'all about to live off a them
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  to live off a highway and it's too much background always.
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  So we want me to hear me talk but literally y'all just, they
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  will lie they asses off. It is crazy because so many
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  people will believe them. So many people believe the lies.
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  They believe the manipulation. You believe the stuff that is
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  coming out of their mouth because you want to trust them.
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  You want to trust them. You want to believe them.
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  You want to just like OK, this is my partner, they wouldn't lie
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  to me but I'll be damned this. They will lie to you.
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  They absolutely will lie to you. I'm getting to know them.
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  I want to give them the benefit of the doubt that they are
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  sleeping downstairs. They're, you know, even though
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  we, we've been dating for a year and they said they still married
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  and they sleep downstairs and their wife sleeps upstairs.
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  And somehow within that year, the wife is now 5 months
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  pregnant that we've been dating. But he claims it's not his.
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  And but I can't go over there. I can't talk to her because he
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  doesn't want to ruin it, ruin the household.
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  She'll take the kids from it. I like y'all.
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  Come on, now. People be lying.
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  Now, have I talked to people in the situation where they're
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  living upstairs and downstairs? Yes, I have talked to people.
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  Right. But that's a true rarity.
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  You don't want to be the exception.
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  Yeah, you don't want to be. You don't try to be the
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  exception here. Y'all Like, maybe they're
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  telling them the truth. And then you fall in love with a
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  married man or a married woman, and then you realize, like,
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  well, damn it, I didn't know. I had no idea.
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  I just. I get I trusted them from the
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  beginning. I shouldn't have trusted them.
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  No, you shouldn't have. Everybody doesn't deserve your
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  your trust, right? So you have to be very careful
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  when you're first meeting narcissistic people.
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  A lot of times they're going to like they're going to listen.
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  You know, sometimes, like I said, not only will they be
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  lying up front, a lot of times they'll just talk about
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  themselves. I know that's the most common
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  thing that narcissists do, right?
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  You hear about narcissists, they're so consumed with
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  themselves like that, they will just lie up front.
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  I mean, they'll just talk about themselves up front the whole
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  time. You you won't get a chance to
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  get a word in. Yeah.
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  That's more the overt malignant narcissistic type of person,
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  right? They're they are the type that
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  will talk about themselves the whole time and not let you get a
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  word in. Covert narcissists, the passive
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  aggressive ones will. Absolutely, truly listen and
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  gather Intel about you. They'll listen to you, gather
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  Intel from you and do what they need to do to get you right.
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  This is why I'm just saying so many times upfront.
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  Then also another thing that they'll do upfront, right?
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  It's called selective honesty. Well, they'll tell you the truth
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  about some things that have happened in their lives and
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  expect you to believe them, right?
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  They'll give you the truth about how they treated other people in
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  the past. They'll just like, well, look,
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  I've had 10 real I've had 10 real relationships in the past,
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  right? I've had ten of them and I've
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  cheated on all 10, all 10 of my exes I cheated on.
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  But you're different. I'm not going to cheat on you.
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  I learned my lesson 10 times the charm.
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  It took me 10 times to get charmed and then here I am.
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  I learned my lesson. Please let me I'm not going to
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  cheat on you and then you get cheated on then you then color
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  you shocked right? You never saw it coming.
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  They use selective honesty to get you to trust them.
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  And this is what a lot of narcissists will do.
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  They'll use their selective honesty to get you to trust
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  them. Anyway y'all thank y'all for
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  tuning in. I really truly appreciate every
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  single one of y'all. If you haven't already, hit that
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  subscribe button. Helps reach more people be
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  closing in on 500K on YouTube. If you're watching this on Apple
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• 12:07
  Link mental illness.net for all things Lee Hammock, my coach and
• 12:11
  my courses and everything. If you're on YouTube, hit one of
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  these boxes right here to watch another video and I am out.
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  Peace.