Latest / Just Heal with Dr Jay / Choosing Life: Kevin Hines’ Journey of Hope and Healing

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Choosing Life: Kevin Hines’ Journey of Hope and Healing · Just Heal with Dr Jay

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Speaker 1: Suicide is one of the leading causes of death in
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Speaker 1: the United States. Over forty nine thousand people died by
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Speaker 1: suicide in twenty twenty three, and there's one death every
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Speaker 1: eleven minutes. The suicide rate among males in twenty twenty
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Speaker 1: three was approximately four times higher than the rate among females.
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Speaker 1: Males make up fifty percent of the population but nearly
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Speaker 1: eighty percent of suicide. If you know anyone that may
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Speaker 1: be struggling with suicidal thoughts or have shared their contemplations
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Speaker 1: of suicide, I urge you to call None eight eight,
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Speaker 1: the Suicide Prevention Hotline. Welcome to Jess Hell with Doctor J,
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Speaker 1: a production of the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio.
0:48
Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Just Hell with Doctor J.
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Speaker 1: And I am your host, Doctor J Barnett. Listen. Before
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Speaker 1: we get started, I want to encourage you to hit
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Speaker 1: that subscribe button, like, please share what we're doing over
1:00
Speaker 1: here at the Healing Pod, Healing Community, healing Circle, whatever
1:04
Speaker 1: works for you. Just know that we're doing some healing.
1:07
Speaker 1: So September is Suicide Prevention Month, and all month of
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Speaker 1: September we have individuals that have survived suicide attempt and
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Speaker 1: as myself sharing my story, but I also brought some
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Speaker 1: other individuals that have some amazing, powerful stories. I'm not
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Speaker 1: only just surviving, but also they're thriving in life now.
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Speaker 1: So before we introduce our next guests, I want to
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Speaker 1: caution the viewers that you may hear something that may
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Speaker 1: be triggering. I want to caution the viewers that you
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Speaker 1: may hear something that may be very difficult to process.
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Speaker 1: But I wanted people that can share their stories and
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Speaker 1: share their truth and be transparent about their journey. And
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Speaker 1: if you know someone and I'm taking my time very
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Speaker 1: intentionally by sharing what I'm sharing because I don't want
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Speaker 1: to be insensitive and don't want a gloss over because
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Speaker 1: I'm trying to stick to the program. Sometime it's okay
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Speaker 1: to come off a program. But if you know someone
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Speaker 1: that is struggling with suicide and ideation, someone that is
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Speaker 1: maybe struggling in life, they may have shared something that
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Speaker 1: didn't sound good with you. I want to encourage you
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Speaker 1: to call nine eight eight, which is a suicide prevention hotline.
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Speaker 1: I'm hoping that this episode encourage you that if you
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Speaker 1: are in a dark place, there is a possibility to
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Speaker 1: discover light. And when you discover light, you find a
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Speaker 1: reason to live. So I'm honored to have my brother
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Speaker 1: friend advocate and you have seen his story, some of
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Speaker 1: you heard it. I've always have clicked off the video
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Speaker 1: when I see Kevin because I wanted to hear it
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Speaker 1: for myself, because I've never heard it for myself. I
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Speaker 1: wanted to hear his story up close and personals. So
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Speaker 1: I'm excited to have my brother and friend, Kevin Hines
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Speaker 1: here all the way from the Bay Area by way
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Speaker 1: of Atlanta. Man, Kevin, brother, it is good to have
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Speaker 1: you here. Man, Man, dude, we have been on a
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Speaker 1: lot of platforms together, but I've never heard your story
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Speaker 1: in totality. I've always kind of come in on bits
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Speaker 1: and pieces. But today I want to get an up
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Speaker 1: close view of hearing your story, hearing your triumph. But
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Speaker 1: also I want the audience, my audience that have not heard,
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Speaker 1: that have not come across your story, your message, that
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Speaker 1: what you share with the world today. Man, So welcome
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Speaker 1: man to the Healing Circle. Some people like healing circle
3:46
Speaker 1: healing pod. Huh. It's a welcome brother.
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Speaker 2: I love what you're doing, Jay, doctor j The Just
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Speaker 2: Hell Bro movement is phenomenal. I remember when you gave
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Speaker 2: me your book all those years ago. If there was
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Speaker 2: a gift, I shared it with some folks on my end.
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Speaker 2: They appreciated it. And I'll tell you it's been a
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Speaker 2: long road, right, you know. I want to go back
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Speaker 2: if I can, to the very beginning, because that's where
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Speaker 2: all stories start. I was born in abject poverty in
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Speaker 2: the worst neighborhood in San Francisco, the Tenyloin District, then
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Speaker 2: the worst neighboro there today. I was born and lived
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Speaker 2: in and out of crack motels. My birth parents, as
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Speaker 2: I'm adopted, after they had me and my brother ten
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Speaker 2: months apart he was older, they succumbed to hardcore drugs
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Speaker 2: and alcohol. My father, Martino, was half Mexican, half Italian.
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Speaker 2: My mother, Marcia, came from Saint Mary, Jamaica, and she
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Speaker 2: was Jamaican, African, airwalk Indian, Portuguese. And they came together
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Speaker 2: and they fell madly in love in the nineteen seventies
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Speaker 2: in San Francisco. But they had no money, they had
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Speaker 2: no wherewithal and they had seemingly no fuel future. But
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Speaker 2: they had two baby boys that they couldn't take care of. Wow,
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Speaker 2: and they would leave me and my brother. According to
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Speaker 2: the documents we'd received later from CPS, they would leave
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Speaker 2: me and my brother in these crack motels, lying next
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Speaker 2: to dangerous drug paraphernalia, sharp metal objects, had we touched,
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Speaker 2: could have killed us. And we were living on a
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Speaker 2: box spring for a mattress over a concrete slab floor
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Speaker 2: in these places. Had we, as infants, had fallen to
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Speaker 2: the concrete slab floor easily would crafted heads open and die.
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Speaker 2: And they would leave us unattended, day by day, night
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Speaker 2: by night, all day long, every day to go do
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Speaker 2: score and sell drugs and jay. It's my understanding that
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Speaker 2: my poor birth mother might have had to sell herself.
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Speaker 2: That was our life, and it changed all of a
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Speaker 2: sudden when one day, one very CD motel clerk made
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Speaker 2: what I can only call his most unseedy decision. He
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Speaker 2: called the police, and he called CPS, and they came
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Speaker 2: in and they kind of barreled down the door, and
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Speaker 2: they swooped me and my brother up, smelling sour and
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Speaker 2: putrid of her own filth from neglect. We had all
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Speaker 2: these ubiquitous ulcers on our backs, burning through our skin
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Speaker 2: from our own filth, and it was really bad. And
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Speaker 2: of course they placed us directly into the system foster care,
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Speaker 2: a broken system, then a broken system now and my
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Speaker 2: brother I bounced around from home to home, and there
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Speaker 2: was one very simple idea that he and I were
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Speaker 2: to be adopted together, but of course you know that's
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Speaker 2: not what happened. We bounced around originally for a while together,
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Speaker 2: and then in a home filled with neglects more neglect,
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Speaker 2: we both contracted a vicious strain of bronchitis, and my
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Speaker 2: only full blooded brother, George Ash may he rest in peace,
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Speaker 2: died right next to me.
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Speaker 1: Man, how old were you at that time?
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Speaker 2: Well, if he was ten months older than me, this
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Speaker 2: must have been. To be honest, I don't have the details,
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Speaker 2: but I just know I know the documents that he
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Speaker 2: died next to me. Then they removed me from that
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Speaker 2: home and placed me into what would become my first
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Speaker 2: good foster home because I do exist right, And this
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Speaker 2: was the Muller family, who I want to give a
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Speaker 2: big shout out to Peter and Debura. Muller took in
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Speaker 2: kids from all over. They were transition home. He couldn't
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Speaker 2: stay there, but they had so many children twelve months
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Speaker 2: to twelve years of age. Pandemonium in that household, but
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Speaker 2: they loved their foster children like they were their own.
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Speaker 2: It was incredible, but you couldn't stay. And one very
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Speaker 2: faithful day, a lovely young woman named Deborah Johan Hines
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Speaker 2: walked in their door. And you know my last name Jay,
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Speaker 2: so this works out. She took me in along with
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Speaker 2: Patrick Kevin Hines, my eventual namesake. My birth name was
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Speaker 2: not Kevin Hines. That's my adopted white name. My biological
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Speaker 2: name is Giovanni gebrae arad Fadlis. Try to saying that
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Speaker 2: ten times fast.
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Speaker 1: He got me.
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Speaker 2: But but they took me in, and they had taken
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Speaker 2: in a girl from a different family, Elizabeth. And after
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Speaker 2: they took me, and they took in a young boy
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Speaker 2: named Joseph who was actually we got him and he
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Speaker 2: was born. He was born less than two pounds premature,
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Speaker 2: did to the crack cocaine. And so you've got me,
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Speaker 2: the mixed kid. My brother black, my sister white, Patton,
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Speaker 2: w Irish and German. People were confused and we end
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Speaker 2: up after these all of us having three separate very
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Speaker 2: traumatic infancies. Very traumatic. My my sister Elizabeth, her her
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Speaker 2: birth mom had multiple personality disorder. Many different children from
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Speaker 2: many different men. It was it was it was a
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Speaker 2: it was a it was chaos and Patton Debbie. You know, Uh,
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Speaker 2: there's no other way to put it. They saved our lives.
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Speaker 2: And growing up, I thought I got this. They had
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Speaker 2: made in the shade. How can anything go south from here?
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Speaker 2: Where was that?
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Speaker 1: Rock? Man? So your story man, and I'm following you.
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Speaker 1: It's almost as you're talking, Kevin, it's like I'm watching
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Speaker 1: a movie because I see in pictures and I'm seeing
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Speaker 1: the pictures of the high moments where you finally two
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Speaker 1: brothers get to get a home, and then I'm seeing
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Speaker 1: this low moment. You wake up one day and you're like,
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Speaker 1: where's my other half? And I'm sure from a state
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Speaker 1: of unconscious and consciousness, you know, like not even knowing
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Speaker 1: that your brother, you know, it's not even alive. And
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Speaker 1: I'm thinking about now you get to place your place
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Speaker 1: in this home, your place in a home that's loving.
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Speaker 1: But now it's another dynamic. So as you navigated through
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Speaker 1: all of these different dynamics, what was something that really
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Speaker 1: stuck out to you? Because as you're telling the story,
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Speaker 1: it's like the movies getting ready to shift to get Yeah,
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Speaker 1: you know.
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Speaker 2: Jay from the moment I could understand words, comprehension, identity,
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Speaker 2: there was a void in my chest. All I wanted
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Speaker 2: my whole life Jay growing up. As much as I
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Speaker 2: love my mom and dad Paton Debbi Hind who took
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Speaker 2: me and made me their stuck, all I ever wanted
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Speaker 2: was to find my mom RCM and tell her three words,
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Speaker 2: I love you. And the tragic part of all this
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Speaker 2: is that at about twenty three years of age, I
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Speaker 2: went searching for my birth mom and I was two
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Speaker 2: years too late, meaning that I went searching for her.
10:54
Speaker 2: I found details about her, and I found out that
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Speaker 2: I had a brother and a birth sister. I never
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Speaker 2: knew my birth mom. Marcilla had a family before mine,
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Speaker 2: before she met Martino. She was from Florida, and she
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Speaker 2: was married to another man, and she had two kids
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Speaker 2: with that man. And one day she walked out on
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Speaker 2: them and never came back. Wow, And she left my brother,
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Speaker 2: he and I actually we learned to show the exact
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Speaker 2: same birthday ten years apart. And she walked these older
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Speaker 2: and she walked away and she never came back. And
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Speaker 2: she made her way across the country like the hitchhiking
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Speaker 2: things like that, to San Francisco, met Martino. My father
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Speaker 2: had us and all I ever wanted was to meet
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Speaker 2: her and tell her I loved her. And it turned
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Speaker 2: out that and this is very tragic. Two years prior
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Speaker 2: to me finding the story out, she had been seven
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Speaker 2: years sober. My sister had found her in San Francisco,
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Speaker 2: had gotten her seven years sober, and then one day,
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Speaker 2: apparently she went back on drugs and ended up getting
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Speaker 2: hit by a tow truck, losing her right leg to
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Speaker 2: an amputation caused by complications of the injury, and she
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Speaker 2: passed away due to those complications. I don't know if
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Speaker 2: it was a suicide attempt, Jay, but it was awful
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Speaker 2: to hear about. But the silver lining is that one
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Speaker 2: day I get this. I call that number that I
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Speaker 2: found and I remember it vividly. G I said, Hi,
12:35
Speaker 2: my sister's name is Shica. I said, hi, Shehika. My
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Speaker 2: name is Kevin. Well, my name was Giovanni, And I go,
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Speaker 2: I'm your brother, call me. Would you call that guy?
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Speaker 2: He's gonna who's gonna call that guy?
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Speaker 1: Exactly?
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Speaker 2: So two years go by, two more years go by,
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Speaker 2: and uh, she sees me on twenty twenty with John Stossel,
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Speaker 2: and she goes, I think that's my brother. And she
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Speaker 2: goes back, gets that phone master's and calls my phone number.
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Speaker 2: I have the same phone number.
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Speaker 1: Wow, she calls me.
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Speaker 2: I'm answering the phone. I'm in the kitchen cooking a
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Speaker 2: culinary specialty of mine, spam with honey mustard, and and
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Speaker 2: she says, hello, is this Cheetavannie? And nobody calls me
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Speaker 2: that Jay? So I was like, is this sheikha? And
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Speaker 2: she goes, how many shikahs do you know? I said,
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Speaker 2: I got to meet you right now, and she goes, WHOA,
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Speaker 2: I don't know you. I said, she can have been
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Speaker 2: looking for you my whole life. Please. I need to
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Speaker 2: meet my family, please, And she said okay. Starbucks on
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Speaker 2: fourteen you loa in half an hour. I was there
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Speaker 2: in fifteen minutes. I ran there.
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Speaker 1: Wow.
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Speaker 2: And I'm waiting there and there's these two police officers
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Speaker 2: on their motorbikes in front of Starbucks eating donuts. It
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Speaker 2: was like classic. And I'm walking back and forth talking
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Speaker 2: to myself and they're like, sir, are you okay? And
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Speaker 2: I was like, no, I'm good for my sister. It's
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Speaker 2: gonna be amazing. It's a gift from God, and like,
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Speaker 2: we don't want to know your whole life story. We
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Speaker 2: just want to know you're not a threat to this Starbucks.
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Speaker 2: I'm fine, calm down. So she comes around the corner,
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Speaker 2: the uncanny resemblance of our mom.
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Speaker 1: Wow, looks just.
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Speaker 2: Like her, just like her. And and without even knowing
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Speaker 2: my half of the story, not without even knowing what
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Speaker 2: I wanted from my mom, those three words, she embelloces
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Speaker 2: me in her arms and she says, I love you.
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Speaker 2: And it was like Jay was like the void disappeared.
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Speaker 2: It disappeared like that, and we walked into Star Wars
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Speaker 2: and we sat down and had some tea. And this
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Speaker 2: was the part that really got me. She handed me
14:48
Speaker 2: a metal tin of cats that are used to be
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Speaker 2: our moms. It was a bunch of letters and things
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Speaker 2: from our moms, some of the things she had remaining.
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Speaker 2: And I picked up immediately this Christmas card list, like
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Speaker 2: a list of who to write Christmas cards to. And
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Speaker 2: I'm reading the names on the list and I see
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Speaker 2: the name Fred Klink. I was like my art teacher
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Speaker 2: in art one on one at City College in the
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Speaker 2: year two thousand before I left off the Golden Gate
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Speaker 2: bridge was Fred Kling. How many Fred Klings are there
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Speaker 2: in the world in San Francisco. He was a good
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Speaker 2: friend of mine. A matter of fact, he had stopped
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Speaker 2: me from taking my life once. So after I see
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Speaker 2: my sister, I call a Fred, my Fred, can you
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Speaker 2: call me back? He calls me. I say, Fred, do
15:35
Speaker 2: you know a woman named Marcia? I named her last name,
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Speaker 2: and he he said, Kevin, watn'ch you meet me for lunch.
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Speaker 1: Wow.
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Speaker 2: I go meet Fred for lunch and he looks at
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Speaker 2: me says, how do you know her? I said, Fred,
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Speaker 2: she's my mom. How do you know her? And he said, Kevin,
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Speaker 2: she was in my art one on one class an
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Speaker 2: hour block after you. The same year, when I was
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Speaker 2: walking out of my class, she was walking in. We
16:14
Speaker 2: shared the same argonne the same air. Come on, Kevin,
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Speaker 2: I'm serious what we shared the same air. I likely
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Speaker 2: passed her not even knowing it was her.
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Speaker 1: Wow.
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Speaker 2: And I was enraged that I missed her. And then
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Speaker 2: I and then I prayed, and I said, hold on,
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Speaker 2: what a gift. We breathed the same air for those moments.
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Speaker 2: Every day during that one semester, we.
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Speaker 1: Been going to class and not even saying it. Didn't
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Speaker 1: even know it when when when Fred gives you that
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Speaker 1: information and you are enraged, well, going through your mind that, man,
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Speaker 1: I was passing so many women up and not knowing
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Speaker 1: that one of them that I was passing was my mom.
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Speaker 2: Initially just overwhelming, unrelenting pain, pure pain. But then hope
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Speaker 2: and yes for my grandmother, my birth grandmother's name is.
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Speaker 1: Hope. Wow, man, Kevin you I'm sitting here man, the
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Speaker 1: strength and vulnerability that it's not that you're displaying, it's
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Speaker 1: you actually live in this space. How are you so hopeful?
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Speaker 2: Man?
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Speaker 1: Because I want to And as you answer, is because
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Speaker 1: no one really knows the story that day. Now, I
18:18
Speaker 1: heard the story nationally, but I never knew it was
18:24
Speaker 1: your story even when I met him, because I heard
18:28
Speaker 1: about the story of the Golden Gate, but I never
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Speaker 1: knew that it was your story. And how is it
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Speaker 1: that you still have hope? And I want to go
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Speaker 1: back to that day?
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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, Doc, I have hope every day because.
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Speaker 1: I have to. I feel the same.
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Speaker 2: I have hope because the multitude in the multifaceted struggle
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Speaker 2: as I've been through, are never going to defeat me.
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Speaker 2: You can let one of two things happen. You can
19:12
Speaker 2: let one of two things happen when you're in lethal
19:16
Speaker 2: emotional pain. You can let a defeat or destroy you,
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Speaker 2: or you can let it build you from the ground
19:24
Speaker 2: up until you're stronger than ever. I choose the latter. No,
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Speaker 2: I wasn't always that way. I grew up. At seventeen,
19:36
Speaker 2: my brain just broke. I had a complete mental breakdown
19:40
Speaker 2: on stage in a theater show in front of a
19:43
Speaker 2: sold out crowd of twelve hundred people. I was one
19:45
Speaker 2: of the leads in the show. I believed that twelve
19:49
Speaker 2: hundred people were going to simultaneously rise rest the stage
19:51
Speaker 2: and end my life. In extreme paroid delusion, I ran
19:55
Speaker 2: off the stage, had to go see my first psychiatrist,
19:59
Speaker 2: was placed on it. Cations, wasn't really taking them properly,
20:03
Speaker 2: was drinking while on psych meds, blocking out an alcohol.
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Speaker 2: It was a mess. And fast forward to nineteen. That's
20:18
Speaker 2: when the first thoughts of taking my life came into play.
20:22
Speaker 2: And it wasn't so much a thought like we think thoughts.
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Speaker 2: It was more of an auditory hallucination in my head
20:29
Speaker 2: telling me what I had to do, yeah, telling me
20:31
Speaker 2: I had no other option, that it was in fact
20:34
Speaker 2: inevitable that I had no choice in the matter. And
20:37
Speaker 2: I want to make a point to people who are
20:39
Speaker 2: struggling with these thoughts and to those that love them,
20:41
Speaker 2: is that your loved ones don't want to die by suicide.
20:46
Speaker 2: They believe they have to. And there's a categorical difference
20:49
Speaker 2: between the two if you can reach them in time
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Speaker 2: and ask those very detailed questions that are hard to ask.
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Speaker 2: Are you thinking of killing yourself? Have you made plans
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Speaker 2: to take it? And do you have the means? Those
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Speaker 2: three questions are category They're proven to save lives because
21:09
Speaker 2: they cut past the nonsense and they show people who
21:13
Speaker 2: are in pain that the pain shared is the pain had.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I didn't.
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Speaker 2: I didn't know that back then. We didn't know that
21:19
Speaker 2: back then.
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Speaker 1: Me neither, because the pain is is, dude, It's it's
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Speaker 1: almost like it's almost like bench pressing and all of
21:31
Speaker 1: a sudden your arms give out and you can't get
21:33
Speaker 1: it off your chest. Yeah, that's what it feels like.
21:36
Speaker 2: That is what it feels like.
21:39
Speaker 1: You penned, you pined for you. The voices was for
21:46
Speaker 1: me auditory as well, but I had replay of just
21:52
Speaker 1: things that have happened not only in my childhood, but
21:55
Speaker 1: just the things that I heard that somebody has said
21:58
Speaker 1: to me. You know, did your auditory voices connect to pictures?
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Speaker 2: One of the things is to answer your question. Yes.
22:10
Speaker 2: One of the things that I've learned is that when
22:13
Speaker 2: you have self loathing, yourself hating her, or you have
22:18
Speaker 2: the voices in your head to tell you have to
22:19
Speaker 2: take your life. Those voices didn't come from you. They
22:25
Speaker 2: came from all the spiteful, hateful, rageful, violent, mean, negative,
22:30
Speaker 2: abusive things that have been centered down to you by others.
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Speaker 1: Yep.
22:35
Speaker 2: They came from trauma.
22:37
Speaker 1: Yep.
22:38
Speaker 2: And when I was in grade school, I was bullied
22:45
Speaker 2: to no end a because I was small, be more
22:48
Speaker 2: importantly because I was the only part black kid in
22:51
Speaker 2: the school, and these kids made it known that I
22:55
Speaker 2: did not belong there. Every single day, the eighth graders
23:02
Speaker 2: would take me as a fourth grader and beat me up.
23:04
Speaker 2: I was a child. A kid named Mike would get
23:08
Speaker 2: in front of me and push me over, a kid
23:10
Speaker 2: named Tony. I'd crack my head open on the concrete
23:12
Speaker 2: and bleed when they would call me little red end word.
23:15
Speaker 2: Every day. That was my life. So I grew up
23:18
Speaker 2: hating myself because everyone else hated there or pretended they did,
23:23
Speaker 2: or whatever it was. And I've forgiven them now, no
23:27
Speaker 2: ill will and I'm not complaining. I'm not a no victim,
23:30
Speaker 2: no victim. But it was brutal, and at nineteen, those
23:36
Speaker 2: turned into voices in my head. Yes that told me
23:39
Speaker 2: what I had to do to myself. And I ended
23:42
Speaker 2: up making my way out to the Golden Gate Bridge
23:44
Speaker 2: on a bus, crying my eyes out, hoping, wishing and
23:50
Speaker 2: praying jay that one person would see me, see my
23:52
Speaker 2: pain and say something kind m because if someone reached
23:57
Speaker 2: out and said, hey, kidd are you okay? Brother? Something wrong?
24:00
Speaker 2: Or pow, can I help you? I would have told
24:01
Speaker 2: him everything, begged him to save me. But the only
24:06
Speaker 2: person on that bus to say anything to me when
24:11
Speaker 2: the bus got to the Golden Gate Bridge parking lot
24:13
Speaker 2: and one hundred people deboarded was the driver, who stood
24:17
Speaker 2: turned and said, come on, can't get off the bus.
24:19
Speaker 2: I gotta go. I walked up to that man, I
24:22
Speaker 2: looked him right in the eyes as waterfalls were flowing
24:24
Speaker 2: from mine, and he just motioned for me to get
24:26
Speaker 2: off the bus, and I walked across the two mile
24:32
Speaker 2: stretch of walkway is the ninth wonder of the world,
24:35
Speaker 2: the Golden gate Bridge and all its courious beauty. And
24:39
Speaker 2: after forty minutes of pacing back and forth, I found
24:43
Speaker 2: a light rail on that rail, Jay, somebody had carved
24:49
Speaker 2: into the rail jump aw. A woman from my left
25:03
Speaker 2: approached me. I prayed she was gonna, asked me if
25:07
Speaker 2: I was okay. I couldn't say it aloud. I needed
25:10
Speaker 2: someone to reach in, and she said, will you take
25:17
Speaker 2: my pictus? And I had to smile a little bit
25:21
Speaker 2: like okay, terrible timing. I took her pretty sure, she
25:24
Speaker 2: posed several times, and she walked away. At that moment,
25:32
Speaker 2: I told myself the single greatest lie any of us
25:36
Speaker 2: had ever told. Absolutely nobody cares the furthest thing from
25:44
Speaker 2: the truth, any member of my family, every one of
25:49
Speaker 2: my friends. Jay, if you had been there that day,
25:53
Speaker 2: seen nineteen year old young me leaning over that reil crying,
25:56
Speaker 2: you would have done something about it. People care, Yeah,
26:00
Speaker 2: people care. I couldn't see it.
26:04
Speaker 1: We never can. I couldn't.
26:08
Speaker 2: At that moment, the voice yelled, and I mean back
26:12
Speaker 2: in that at decimals you can't express without piercing ear drumps,
26:15
Speaker 2: jump now, and I did. But the moment, the millisecond
26:22
Speaker 2: my hands left the rail, instantaneous regret for my actions,
26:28
Speaker 2: and then one recognition that I just made the greatest
26:32
Speaker 2: mistake of my life. And it was too late, because
26:37
Speaker 2: for ninety nine point nine percent of the people that
26:40
Speaker 2: have done exactly what I did that day off that bridge,
26:45
Speaker 2: it's been too late. They're all gone.
26:49
Speaker 1: I want a pause to because I heard that story
27:01
Speaker 1: by way. One night I was watching YouTube and a
27:05
Speaker 1: guy was telling the story about a young man who
27:09
Speaker 1: jumped off the bridge, and he said the young man said,
27:15
Speaker 1: the moment his hands left the rail, he regretted it.
27:20
Speaker 1: I never forgot that care when I didn't know that
27:24
Speaker 1: was you. And I told that story so many times
27:29
Speaker 1: when I and as with you and I both speak
27:31
Speaker 1: a lot about suicide prevention and sharing a story, and
27:36
Speaker 1: I often talk about how most people, when they attempt,
27:43
Speaker 1: I often wonder if they can go back, those who
27:47
Speaker 1: have exceeded, if they can go back and undo because
27:52
Speaker 1: of the instant regret, because the decision is so finite.
27:58
Speaker 1: And as I'm hearing you tell it now and I'm
28:03
Speaker 1: hearing it in real time from you, man, it hits
28:06
Speaker 1: different because people often ask me like, man, Jay, did
28:13
Speaker 1: you ever regretted? And mine's wasn't because I was with
28:17
Speaker 1: my godmother. So had I had a gun, definitely, it
28:21
Speaker 1: would have been definitely by a gunshot. But because I
28:27
Speaker 1: was living with her, I didn't want her to see
28:30
Speaker 1: that type of picture to where she has to walk
28:34
Speaker 1: in the room and see that scene in her head.
28:39
Speaker 1: But to think about your life now and to think
28:45
Speaker 1: about to hear how you say, man, once my hands left,
28:51
Speaker 1: and the thought of just like man, what have I done?
28:57
Speaker 1: And I'm thinking about all of those who didn't survive.
29:04
Speaker 1: I want to ask you this, man, and this is
29:07
Speaker 1: for me, do you ever have survivor's guilt?
29:12
Speaker 2: I used to not anymore. Yeah, I got to live
29:24
Speaker 2: to talk to you right now. Somebody is going to
29:30
Speaker 2: see this and it won't move them to stay.
29:36
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
29:39
Speaker 2: God me. God gave me a second chance, a purpose.
29:49
Speaker 2: We us a second chance so that others can never
29:55
Speaker 2: learn the hard way like we did. Yeah, And so
29:59
Speaker 2: they choose life so they can stay. And every time,
30:05
Speaker 2: every time a young one or all the light chooses
30:10
Speaker 2: life because of our mission, God is smiling upon us,
30:17
Speaker 2: and so is everyone we lost my birth mom, my
30:19
Speaker 2: birth dad, my birth brother, my favorite teacher who killed himself.
30:25
Speaker 2: He was he was my friend, he was my hero.
30:27
Speaker 2: He was like a second father figure to me. Everybody
30:31
Speaker 2: up there who went before us too soon is sending
30:38
Speaker 2: us the light we need to do this work.
30:45
Speaker 1: It's definitely that care, because you actually just gave me
30:48
Speaker 1: some I used to battle with survivors guilt man all
30:54
Speaker 1: the time. I mean all the time, and it's something
30:58
Speaker 1: that I've recently have really overcame. I remember when Charlamagne
31:03
Speaker 1: called me and I had to go to do this
31:07
Speaker 1: show when Twitch passed, and man, it was I cried, man,
31:14
Speaker 1: that thing that that thing hit me. Man, So man,
31:19
Speaker 1: okay right now it was.
31:26
Speaker 2: His life was so bright.
31:31
Speaker 1: Yeah.
31:32
Speaker 2: And you know after that, I stopped posting when a
31:36
Speaker 2: famous person would take their life, I stopped stopped. I
31:39
Speaker 2: stopped getting involved in the story, stopped. I couldn't couldn't
31:43
Speaker 2: do it. And I said, the family is in so
31:46
Speaker 2: much pain, and everybody and their mother is commenting about it.
31:50
Speaker 2: They don't need all that, and uh but I think
31:56
Speaker 2: about all that and all the like, you know, Jay,
31:58
Speaker 2: I have lost twenty two people. Now, twenty two people
32:02
Speaker 2: to suicide. That's twenty two too many. One is one
32:05
Speaker 2: too many. And you know what, I sit here and
32:09
Speaker 2: I go Who's next? Who that I love is next?
32:16
Speaker 1: You know?
32:19
Speaker 2: There was a woman I'll say her name because everyone
32:22
Speaker 2: knows who she's Amy Blue helped found the Semi Colon
32:25
Speaker 2: projects years ago, Big suicide French organization still runs. And
32:32
Speaker 2: she fought to live for a very long time and
32:34
Speaker 2: she would pick different people to help her fight to live.
32:38
Speaker 2: And one time, for about a year, she picked me
32:42
Speaker 2: and we talked every day and every day I was
32:45
Speaker 2: keeping her from taking her life. It was a battle.
32:48
Speaker 2: It was like it was like battling a demon, and
32:51
Speaker 2: it was telling her to tell her life. And every
32:52
Speaker 2: day I'd keep her here every day. And then one
32:56
Speaker 2: day I got the call she was gone. All that
32:59
Speaker 2: hard work, all that effort, it just broke me and
33:05
Speaker 2: I had to pause on work for a while.
33:06
Speaker 1: I couldn't.
33:07
Speaker 2: I couldn't nor.
33:10
Speaker 1: Here. Man. It's so heavy, man, this work that we
33:13
Speaker 1: do bro last. Was it about a year ago? That
33:19
Speaker 1: was a kid that family was working. A family wanted
33:23
Speaker 1: me to work with him. And I was on the
33:26
Speaker 1: road and I think I was on tour. I was
33:29
Speaker 1: on tour at the time, and they were reaching out.
33:32
Speaker 1: And when I'm on tour, man, you know, you're so
33:34
Speaker 1: you're so locked in because we got two or three
33:39
Speaker 1: hundred men showing up, so I got to be available
33:41
Speaker 1: for these men. So you know, they was trying to,
33:45
Speaker 1: you know, get the kid in to see me. And
33:49
Speaker 1: I kept telling him, hey, you know, when I get home,
33:51
Speaker 1: I bade it work with him and see him. So
33:54
Speaker 1: when I finally got a chance to get home and
33:56
Speaker 1: finally get a chance to stop, I get the call
34:01
Speaker 1: and Bro, when I tell you man, when she said,
34:08
Speaker 1: missus Jay, he's gone, and I said huh. And I
34:13
Speaker 1: was baffled because I was just like, no, no, no way,
34:15
Speaker 1: But he's sixteen years old. She said he's gone. I said,
34:18
Speaker 1: what do you mean he's going? She said, he took
34:21
Speaker 1: his life and he was waiting on you. And Bro,
34:28
Speaker 1: he tell you something, Kevin. When I tell you man,
34:34
Speaker 1: that thing put me in a prison. Yeah, for about
34:39
Speaker 1: a year, and I never said anything. And then too,
34:46
Speaker 1: the thoughts came back for me because I'm like, how
34:52
Speaker 1: could I have stopped to me? Yeah, And then I
34:55
Speaker 1: was upset because I'm like, well, God, you gave me
34:57
Speaker 1: this purpose, and you got me out here working with
34:58
Speaker 1: these men. But working with these men made me not
35:01
Speaker 1: be available for this young man. Had I been home,
35:03
Speaker 1: this young man would still be here and brought it
35:07
Speaker 1: was the most daunting that'll eat you alive, man, Jay.
35:20
Speaker 2: Every suicide, any suicide that you're connected to, these are
35:25
Speaker 2: the words you have to say. They didn't die because
35:29
Speaker 2: of me or in spite of me. They died because
35:33
Speaker 2: of a lethal emotional pain that had nothing to do
35:36
Speaker 2: with me. Every person has lost someone this way. It's
35:46
Speaker 2: not your weight to carry, yeah, because it'll crush you.
35:52
Speaker 2: But back to that day. You're talking about two hundred
35:57
Speaker 2: and twenty feet above the water, twenty five stories. You
36:04
Speaker 2: fall at eighty miles prior total velocity in four seconds.
36:11
Speaker 2: These were the words that I said in my head
36:14
Speaker 2: as I fell very rapidly. What have I just thought?
36:20
Speaker 2: And I want to die? God, please save me. You
36:27
Speaker 2: hid it fifteen thousand pounds of pressure. People think you
36:32
Speaker 2: die on impact. You don't. You die very slowly and
36:35
Speaker 2: very violently. I went down forty feet. I opened my
36:39
Speaker 2: eyes and I was drowning, and I didn't want to.
36:44
Speaker 2: I frantically moved in any direction I was going the
36:47
Speaker 2: wrong way. I was going down. My eyes began to bulge,
36:50
Speaker 2: my ears began to ring because of the pressure. I
36:53
Speaker 2: shot for the surface as fast as my arms were taken.
36:57
Speaker 2: I couldn't fill my legs, but they were working. I
37:00
Speaker 2: broke the surface. I bobbed up and down in the water,
37:03
Speaker 2: and I did the one thing I've got control over
37:06
Speaker 2: since kindergarten. I prayed, God, please save me. I don't
37:10
Speaker 2: want to die. God, please save me. I don't want
37:13
Speaker 2: to die. I made a mistake. Jay, you know he
37:15
Speaker 2: heard me. A woman driving by in a red car
37:22
Speaker 2: saw me go over the rail at the moment of
37:24
Speaker 2: my attempt, called her coworker in the United States Coastguard,
37:31
Speaker 2: who were manning the waters of the bridge at that moment.
37:35
Speaker 2: The only reason the Coastguard boat arrived to my position
37:37
Speaker 2: in the water before I was to drown. That woman's
37:39
Speaker 2: phone call in the water. I flil to stay afoot.
37:43
Speaker 2: I go down. My boots are heavy, my long sleeved
37:46
Speaker 2: clothing is heavy. I can't keep it. I can't get
37:49
Speaker 2: back up to the surface. I go down one more time.
37:52
Speaker 2: I think this is it. This is where I go.
37:56
Speaker 2: Nobody's coming to save me. I die here today. What
37:59
Speaker 2: did I do? I don't want to die. What have
38:02
Speaker 2: I done? And that's something very large and slammy be
38:06
Speaker 2: encircling beneath me. I was like, you got a kidney.
38:09
Speaker 2: I didn't die jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge and
38:13
Speaker 2: a shark is gonna eat me alive? It was no shark.
38:20
Speaker 2: I went on a television program sometime later, on ABC News.
38:25
Speaker 2: I said, on the show, I thought the which is
38:27
Speaker 2: a shark beneath me in the water? People wrote it
38:30
Speaker 2: into the show from all over the world when I
38:31
Speaker 2: went viral online. One man's letter stuck out above all
38:35
Speaker 2: the rest. I'm talking about Italy, Japan, Ireland, China, UK.
38:38
Speaker 2: Everybody wrote it. One man's letter stuck out. He was
38:41
Speaker 2: from Las Vegas, Nevada. He was on the bridge that
38:43
Speaker 2: day with his mom. His name was Morgan, and he
38:47
Speaker 2: said Kevin in his letter to me, Kevin, I'm so
38:50
Speaker 2: very glad you're alive. I was standing less than two
38:53
Speaker 2: feet away from you when you jumps, and so this
38:56
Speaker 2: day watching this show, no one would tell me whether
38:59
Speaker 2: you lived or It's haunted me until right now watching
39:03
Speaker 2: this show. By the way, Kevin, there was no shark
39:05
Speaker 2: like you mentioned your thought there was on the show,
39:07
Speaker 2: but there absolutely was a sea lion, and the people
39:11
Speaker 2: above looking down believe that this sea lion is keeping
39:14
Speaker 2: me afloat until the coast Stuard border ride behind me.
39:20
Speaker 2: And he's now a mascot. I call him Herbert, and
39:24
Speaker 2: he saved my life. God saved my life through that
39:27
Speaker 2: sea lion. Just think about it. The whole day. No
39:34
Speaker 2: human being can stop me. The whole day on the
39:38
Speaker 2: bus ride, no human being reaches out, but a creature
39:43
Speaker 2: that doesn't even speak my language saves my life and
39:50
Speaker 2: was in the position in the water to do so
39:54
Speaker 2: at the moment in which I needed it most. If
40:00
Speaker 2: the woman hadn't asked me to take a picture, the
40:02
Speaker 2: timing would have been all off. It all came into play,
40:06
Speaker 2: and then at the hospital, one of the foremost backed
40:08
Speaker 2: surgeons in the world was visiting the hospital for the day.
40:12
Speaker 2: Doctor Jonathan Levin did my surgery. My ten and a
40:15
Speaker 2: half hour back surgery were replacing my shattered vertebrae with titanium.
40:19
Speaker 2: I missed that day, severing my spinal cord by two
40:22
Speaker 2: millimeters day, two millimeters away from certain death. There's nothing
40:35
Speaker 2: to do here but praise the Lord. No one can
40:43
Speaker 2: tell me that God does not exist. People that tell
40:47
Speaker 2: me that, I just feel sorry for them that they
40:49
Speaker 2: don't have the faith I have.
40:57
Speaker 1: Oh, man, care I'm sitting here, man, because I know
41:04
Speaker 1: this is gonna bless so many people. Because as I'm
41:09
Speaker 1: as I'm listening to you, I'm sitting here saying, we're
41:13
Speaker 1: doing a show with two survivors. How beautiful is that
41:21
Speaker 1: that we could not have even been here and no
41:24
Speaker 1: one would no one would have known our story. And
41:29
Speaker 1: to think about the timing of just like how all
41:34
Speaker 1: of that happened for you and and just I'm just
41:39
Speaker 1: sitting here and just thinking about the journey. And I'm
41:42
Speaker 1: sure that's just snippets, but the journey of healing that
41:48
Speaker 1: you've had to walk through and navigate through, and the courage.
42:00
Speaker 2: To get something off my chest. The last three days
42:07
Speaker 2: I've been really tough. I've been having thoughts of taking
42:11
Speaker 2: my life, but I will never ever attempt again so
42:20
Speaker 2: long as I shall live. It's not mine to take.
42:26
Speaker 2: God gave it to me. I understand that now. And
42:32
Speaker 2: I have a two pronged technique I want to share
42:35
Speaker 2: with your audience that will always keep them right here,
42:41
Speaker 2: can I share it? Helly in the camera. If you
42:48
Speaker 2: are contemplating leaving this earth by your hands, stop breathe
43:00
Speaker 2: to forty resonance threads. It'll bring your nerves to a calm.
43:07
Speaker 2: You'll think clearly. Again. Two things can stop you. Find
43:13
Speaker 2: a mirror and a mirror anywhere. Look in that mirror,
43:17
Speaker 2: say these words. My thoughts do not have to become
43:23
Speaker 2: my actions. They can simply be my thoughts if they're
43:27
Speaker 2: dangerous to myself or others. My thoughts do not have
43:32
Speaker 2: to become my actions. They can simply be my thoughts
43:35
Speaker 2: if they're dangerous to myself or others. Number two, and
43:38
Speaker 2: the most important thing you must do right now is
43:41
Speaker 2: turn to anyone willing to listen and say four simple
43:45
Speaker 2: but very effective words, I need help now. And the
43:51
Speaker 2: difference between us Jay and people who pass on by
43:54
Speaker 2: suicide is that we don't stop turning to people until
43:58
Speaker 2: one human being is willing to answer the call. In
44:03
Speaker 2: twenty five years, it'll be September twenty fifth, coming up
44:08
Speaker 2: the day I left off that bridge in the year
44:11
Speaker 2: twenty so twenty five years, next month, this month, this month,
44:15
Speaker 2: yea so twenty five years this month on September twenty fifth,
44:21
Speaker 2: it'll be twenty five years since I left off the
44:23
Speaker 2: Golden gate Bridge. Don't learn the hard way like I did.
44:29
Speaker 2: Ask for help until you get what you so desire
44:34
Speaker 2: and so deserve. Suicide is never the solution to your problem.
44:38
Speaker 2: It is the problem. Suicide ideations are the greatest liars
44:42
Speaker 2: we know. Don't listen to them. You're meant to be
44:44
Speaker 2: here until your natural end. Never ever ever to die
44:47
Speaker 2: by your hands. You're a thermodynamic miracle. You're one in
44:50
Speaker 2: four hundred tillion. You're meant to be here.
44:53
Speaker 1: And I love you, Kevin all as you were sitting
45:03
Speaker 1: there man, when you was talking about I don't think
45:07
Speaker 1: people realize to the reality of what our journey is
45:11
Speaker 1: after we survived. I don't share how often the thoughts come.
45:17
Speaker 1: They come often because the enemy knows who we are
45:23
Speaker 1: now because we survived. So I often feel you ever
45:27
Speaker 1: feel like there's a target on your back, and not
45:30
Speaker 1: by the world, but they're targing by.
45:32
Speaker 2: Him, the enemy, all the time. I hear him.
45:40
Speaker 1: I talked about this earlier with my sister when she
45:44
Speaker 1: interviewed me, and we was kind of talking about the
45:46
Speaker 1: day that my second attempt and I was telling her,
45:51
Speaker 1: you know, the forces never stopped. They never stopped. They
45:56
Speaker 1: may become faint, but they're there, yeah, and you and
46:01
Speaker 1: you hear them in the distance. And what I've learned
46:05
Speaker 1: to do, man, is as much as I possibly can, man,
46:08
Speaker 1: is to get around people that care about me.
46:12
Speaker 2: Yeah.
46:15
Speaker 1: Is to get around people, man, because it's definitely, it's
46:22
Speaker 1: it's definitely the best solution, man, is to be around
46:25
Speaker 1: people who love me. And then to be around people
46:28
Speaker 1: who who you can be vulnerable with. They say, Man,
46:31
Speaker 1: today is a rough day.
46:34
Speaker 2: And usually that's my lovely wife, Margaret, And she's got
46:36
Speaker 2: my back end. And you know, I told her what
46:39
Speaker 2: I was going through and and she just having me.
46:43
Speaker 2: She doesn't need to fix my problems. I just needed
46:46
Speaker 2: to listen and understand how to respond and and and
46:50
Speaker 2: and through that we heal, you know, and we pray,
46:54
Speaker 2: we heal, and we just talk about it, you know,
46:57
Speaker 2: and get through it.
46:58
Speaker 1: She has has Margaret been a great asset to your
47:03
Speaker 1: and she's my rock.
47:03
Speaker 2: I mean, look, you know, we're we're about to make
47:07
Speaker 2: a movie about our life story, our love story. And
47:11
Speaker 2: I met Margaret in the oddest of places. She was
47:15
Speaker 2: visiting her cousin in the psyche where I was staying in,
47:19
Speaker 2: you know, and through all that, through the through the
47:23
Speaker 2: worst moment of my life, she saw the beauty in me.
47:27
Speaker 2: And this is our nineteenth year Mary.
47:31
Speaker 1: You know I collabor with that to that name. No wow, Brother,
47:41
Speaker 1: God is good man. When I tell you, brother, I
47:43
Speaker 1: love you man too, and I love you for sharing
47:48
Speaker 1: your story, your journey. I'm processing everything because again, like
47:54
Speaker 1: I said, I never knew the full story. I heard
47:57
Speaker 1: this and pieces, and I remember hearing the story of
48:01
Speaker 1: the part about the hands leaving years ago. I was
48:04
Speaker 1: up one night on YouTube and came across a God
48:07
Speaker 1: that was doing a talk. And that part never left me,
48:13
Speaker 1: you know, because I didn't. It's just never that that
48:16
Speaker 1: part of the story never left me, you know, because
48:21
Speaker 1: I can remember times where I've sat with the gun
48:24
Speaker 1: on the table and all of that type of stuff. Man,
48:28
Speaker 1: it broke. People don't even realize, man, that not only
48:33
Speaker 1: does the enemy knows who you are, he also knows
48:36
Speaker 1: how to use your pain against you. If you're not aware,
48:42
Speaker 1: and if you are not around people that see you
48:45
Speaker 1: and see what God has placed in you, you'll find
48:48
Speaker 1: yourself being pushed up against the wall with the very
48:52
Speaker 1: pain that you are trying to get away from, and
48:57
Speaker 1: in a corner you and that's what the enemy looks
48:59
Speaker 1: to do. And so I'm grateful man that my audience
49:04
Speaker 1: got to meet Kevin Hines, got to hear the story,
49:08
Speaker 1: got to see the man, but also feel the man,
49:12
Speaker 1: because brother, you're a beautiful human being to take your story,
49:18
Speaker 1: to take your journey, and to share the most intimate
49:22
Speaker 1: details of your life with the world. Because what people
49:25
Speaker 1: don't realize is that when we give it to the world,
49:30
Speaker 1: we give a part of us and some will take it,
49:34
Speaker 1: and some will we'll sit with it, but then there
49:39
Speaker 1: will be some that will say, man, I don't want
49:42
Speaker 1: to be here, but I saw you two brothers share
49:46
Speaker 1: on journey. And what I am blessed to say to
49:48
Speaker 1: sit here to say today, Man, it's not only are
49:51
Speaker 1: we surviving, Kevin, we thriving. And that's all I ever
49:56
Speaker 1: wanted to be. All I ever wanted to do, man,
49:59
Speaker 1: was just thrive and find out why am I here?
50:03
Speaker 1: That was the most important thing that I asked God
50:05
Speaker 1: when I survived that overdose. I was just like when
50:09
Speaker 1: I came to myself, like the prodigal son came to
50:12
Speaker 1: myself consciously, I just said, God, I just want to
50:16
Speaker 1: know why am I here? Because I'd had this fascination
50:21
Speaker 1: with death for the longest. I used to write poetry
50:25
Speaker 1: about it. I used to write short story. Man, I
50:28
Speaker 1: have so many stories about leaving here, leaving this behind,
50:32
Speaker 1: living in the life is pain free. Because in my mind,
50:34
Speaker 1: I was like, why I want to wait till I'm eighty.
50:37
Speaker 1: Get me out of here now, because if I got
50:41
Speaker 1: to wait till i'm agent, I got to carry all
50:43
Speaker 1: this because nobody told us that we can let it go.
50:46
Speaker 1: Nobody tells men that they can let go of their pain,
50:49
Speaker 1: because we're often judged by how much pain can we bear?
50:53
Speaker 1: How strong are you? How much can you tell? And
50:57
Speaker 1: what we're doing is telling men don't have to take it,
51:03
Speaker 1: let it go. So brother, thank you man, and I
51:08
Speaker 1: mean it from a bottom of my heart. Thank you
51:10
Speaker 1: for sharing yourself with the world, and thank you for staying.
51:16
Speaker 1: Because I'm not going to say on camera because I'm processing,
51:23
Speaker 1: but you just helped me with something today that I
51:26
Speaker 1: have been sitting with because I often ask myself what
51:32
Speaker 1: is the purpose of staying? And I'm changing lives? But
51:37
Speaker 1: I often ask myself, and that's a real question. So man,
51:46
Speaker 1: thank you brother for today. Any last words, Man.
51:53
Speaker 2: I think I just you know, I just want to
51:56
Speaker 2: say to everybody that has that void in their chest,
52:03
Speaker 2: someday you will fill it. With time, energy, effort, and
52:10
Speaker 2: hard work. Things will change. They'll get better, but only
52:16
Speaker 2: if you make them do the work, put in the effort,
52:22
Speaker 2: put in the time. You got this. We believe in you,
52:27
Speaker 2: and reach out and when you need people to reach
52:31
Speaker 2: in and tell them so they know so they get
52:34
Speaker 2: your back.
52:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, listen, today was a heavy one but much needed.
52:46
Speaker 1: The timing of Kevin and I connected, I don't think
52:48
Speaker 1: is by happenstance. We're living in some very unprecedented times
52:53
Speaker 1: where people are feeling pressured from the political climate, from
52:59
Speaker 1: finance difficulties, mental health crisis. Is that are all time high,
53:06
Speaker 1: Relationships are unstable, jobs are not promising. There's a lot
53:12
Speaker 1: that is going on. And I don't know if you're
53:15
Speaker 1: like me, sometimes you just exhausted from just even hearing news.
53:20
Speaker 1: You don't even have to watch news today to feel it.
53:23
Speaker 1: You can just hear something. But what we're hoping is
53:27
Speaker 1: from today's episode that you feel encouraged to stay that
53:34
Speaker 1: wherever you are, whatever darknesses that you in, hopefully that
53:37
Speaker 1: this episode brings you some light for you to see
53:42
Speaker 1: to the other side of see on, see through, see beyond,
53:48
Speaker 1: to know that you're more than just what you're going through.
53:52
Speaker 1: I don't know where you are, I don't know what
53:54
Speaker 1: is happening. I don't know who said it. I don't
53:57
Speaker 1: know what they apologize. I don't know if you would
54:00
Speaker 1: ever get an apology, but I do know what you deserve.
54:04
Speaker 1: You deserve to give yourself a chance to keep living.
54:07
Speaker 1: And that is my prayer. That is my hope, that
54:11
Speaker 1: you don't lose hope in your tomorrow and that you
54:14
Speaker 1: choose you today again. If you know anyone that is
54:19
Speaker 1: struggling with suicidal thoughts, someone that has shared their contemplation
54:25
Speaker 1: and they've even said that they have the means to
54:27
Speaker 1: carry it out, please pick up the hotline. Pick up
54:31
Speaker 1: the phone they call the nonine eight eight hotline. There
54:34
Speaker 1: are resources, there are individuals, and there are people who care.
54:41
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that it's going to be fixed today,
54:44
Speaker 1: but what I am saying that you can get to
54:47
Speaker 1: the other side. And it's a journey and until next time.
54:54
Speaker 1: Healing is a journey and wholeness is the destination. Just
55:00
Speaker 1: Here with Doctor J, a production of the Black Effect
55:03
Speaker 1: podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
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Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
55:11
Speaker 1: And you can follow me at King J. Barnett on
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Speaker 1: Instagram and x and follow us on YouTube. Just here,
55:19
Speaker 1: Doctor J.