Latest / Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive / October 8, 2019 | Expresso - Jasmyne Tsiris

Transcript

October 8, 2019 | Expresso - Jasmyne Tsiris · Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Jasmine Cyrus.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I am 28 years old and I'm from Virginia Beach.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I moved to Topeka about two years ago.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a single mother of three children.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Olivia's 13, Kimberly is eight, and Geis is seven.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: I was really hesitant about speaking tonight.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: I had to pray on it first, but after praying, I felt it was something the Lord really wanted me to do.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: I do pray that you are all blessed by it.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: I grew up in what I used to think was a normal household.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Later on, I realized how unhealthy my home life was.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: My mother had multiple jobs, and my father was a foreman for a sprinkler company.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: My father was not a Christian during most of my childhood, but my mother was.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Neither of my parents knew their father, which really affected them deeply, even in their parenting, me and my brother.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: My father was an alcoholic, and my mother was struggling with unhappiness.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Her frustration and pain always manifested as anger.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: She had not envisioned having any daughters.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: She constantly reminded me how she favored boys and did not want a daughter.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: This caused me to feel unwanted and unloved by her.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: There were times I wished I was a boy.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: I often felt jealous.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: I often felt jealous of my brother.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: There was constant arguing in my home between my mother and my father.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Holidays ended with Christmas trees being thrown out in the front yard, arguments or holes being punched in the wall.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: We lacked unity as a family altogether.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: I had a lot of suppressed pain growing up.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: And there was just constant strife.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: And that suppressed pain caused me to explode in anger most of the time.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: With the environment of favoritism that was perpetuated, my brother and I did not develop a close relationship.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And therefore, we did not reach out to one another in comfort during all the things that were happening.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, that bond still has not been developed between my brother and I.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: I spent a lot of alone time in my room.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Around the age of five, I began experimenting with self-pleasure.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: I can remember being very curious about sex.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: I somehow got a hold of a few inappropriate movies that opened up the door to perversion in my life.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: At nine years old, I reached puberty and my hormones were at an all-time high, and that is when my mom and I really started to butt heads.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: I began fighting back and became very defiant and disobedient.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: I was very mean to all the people around me.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Things went quickly downhill in my life at that time.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: I started to get into fights at school.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: I was skipping school to hang out.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: I had about 13 referrals in school suspension, out of school suspension, and was constantly in the office with the resource officer.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: During this time, I was suicidal and apathetic.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was taking numerous risks experimenting with weed and alcohol.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: When I was about 12 years old, my mom and I got into a physical fight.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: That night I ran away to a friend's house and my mom packed up all her things and moved to Georgia to be with her sister.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: I stayed behind in Virginia with my father.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: After my mom left, I began engaging in promiscuous behavior.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: I was 13 years old when I started sneaking out at night and sneaking my then 14-year-old boyfriend into my room at night.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: I lost my virginity at 13 and sent me to into a downward spiral of habitually feeding my flesh.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Seeking sexual pleasure became my main focus.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: I started watching pornography daily.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: My parents had no idea what I was doing.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: During the time my mom was gone, my dad had really struggled.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: But in that struggle, God captured his heart and he got saved.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: One night after my mom had moved to Georgia, I was lying in bed and I had a candle lit on my nightstand.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: My dad walked by my room and said, Jasmine, put the candle out before you go to bed.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: I said, No.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: So he said it again, put the candle out before you go to bed.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure what the conversation was like after that, but I remember really going off and throwing the computer chair at him.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: I remember his face looking just so shocked.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: But the most memorable part though was the next day when I woke up.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: He had purchased a brand new bed set for me.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I could not understand why he did that.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: I actually was saddened by my behavior because it didn't make sense why he did that for me.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: I remember thinking, why would he get me a gift when I was such a bad daughter?
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And even as I typed this, my heart lights up because I know that it was only through God's love that he did that for me.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: At that moment, I believe I felt conviction, even though I had not, I was not yet a believer.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: That moment is special for me.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: I realized as I got older and had my own relationship with God, that was my first real encounter with him, and he used my father.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Shortly after this encounter, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter Olivia.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: I was still 13.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: My parents were enraged and saddened, and at this point I was still not saved.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: My mother moved back to Virginia when she found out I was pregnant.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: She pushed me to give Olivia up for adoption, while Olivia's father wanted me to abort her.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: My mother reminded me daily how I messed up my life.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: I was now a statistic.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: She was completely embarrassed to be seen in public with me while I was pregnant.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: My father didn't say much, but I knew he was sad as well.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: And my suicidal thoughts were at an all-time high by this point, but I knew in my heart that I was going to keep her.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: I had someone to live for.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: My mother told me if I didn't give her up for adoption and decided to keep her, then I would be taking care of her on my own.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I did.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: I started writing local, I started writing letters to local businesses to see if anyone would hire me.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: And Chick-fil-A responded.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Not only did they hire me, but they also threw my baby shower for me.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: By working, I was able to pay for the things I needed for my daughter.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: I enrolled in night school at that time so I could work during the day and go to school at night.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And God was with me all along, even though I hadn't acknowledged him yet.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Olivia was born in January 2006.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: About six months after she was born, I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: While some things changed instantly, like my heart turned from stone to flesh.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was more compassionate and caring.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: I now was having conviction when I was doing the wrong things.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: My sexual sins remained the same and a constant battle for me.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: I was deeply entangled in pornography and self-gratification.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Even though the relationship had ended with Olivia's father, we continued to be intimate until I moved on to my next boyfriend.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: He was a couple years older than me and had already graduated high school.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: I would sneak him into my room at night and eventually skip school for about a month and a half to be promiscuous with him.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: I was forging notes to my teachers and principals on behalf on my parents' behalf.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: I eventually got caught by the school, who then notified my parents of my six-week absence.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: I continued being intimate with him until I met Jyson Kim's father.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of tumultuous things happened while we were together.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: He was not a Christian, although I wasn't walking very closely with God.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: He and I had different, very different viewpoints.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: He was angry and aggressive and came from a culture where women did, only as the husband said.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: We had lots of conflicts, including him not accepting my eldest daughter, Olivia.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: In the midst of this chaos, I found God again.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: We were preparing to get married October 31st, 2015, but God spoke to me in early spring of 2015 and told me to end the relationship.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: I was so afraid of what people were going to think of me.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, how was I going to pay for my children or live on my own making$10 an hour?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: As a result of my fear, I did not leave him.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: And in July of 2015, he and I got into a physical altercation, resulting in the police being called out to our apartment and my children being traumatized.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: It was a really hard day, but God helped my hand through it all.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: That first night with him gone was the most peaceful sleep I had in a really long time.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: A couple weeks later, a job I had not applied for called me and offered me a job making$15 an hour.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: I still continued to struggle with sexual promiscuity after this, but had not watched any pornography since.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: In 2018, I committed myself to saying sexually pure.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Through sanctification, the Lord has continued to make me more and more like Him.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Through His prayer and His power, I no longer crave self-pleasure.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: I love my parents dearly and do not harbor any unforgiveness against them.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: It took me a while to realize they are hurting and broken as well, and I choose to extend grace to them.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: My mom and I are working on healing our relationship.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: My dad and I are still very close, although he fell back and is struggling with alcohol again.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: My walk with God is now the closest it's ever been.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: God is ever present in my life.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: He is working on me every day, and I am thankful and blessed to know him, to have him.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: In all my experiences in life, I have learned a lot, and I would like to leave you with a few words of encouragement.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, there is hope on the other side of fear.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: If God gives you direction, be obedient and trust him.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, draw closer to him and he will draw closer to you.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: And number three, you are not alone.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: God is always there with you.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: I forgot about the slideshow.