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Rabbi Moshe Haber Orchot Yashar: Mindful Discipline 5.31.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  Three different stages and steps of development and growth based
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  on their. Behind the canvas he brings an
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  order and uses the olive bed to build it.
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  So we did the letter kaf. I read a few things with that
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  Kaboor of Torah, Kaboor of Rabbis, Kaboard of parents and
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  now with the same letter Kafi also brings a very important me
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  da that a person has to address 1 of the biggest and that is how
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  to handle another item with a kaf kaas Cos and keep it down.
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  Cos which is anger. Keep it down means being very
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  particular. What does this mean?
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  So first of all, to a line up the importance of this topic,
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  you need to understand it brings many of them the sources from
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  our Rabbis when the Gemara from the Dash about how severe Cos
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  is, how is Cos anger looked at in the eyes of Hashem?
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  And then we'll try to address how a person can overcome.
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  I'll give you my little opinion and we'll do that.
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  Let's see. Number one, I'm Rukh Azaz Show
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  Shaka. There are three people in the
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  positive point of view, Three people Hashem loves.
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  They had mahen. And who's one of them?
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  Misha Inocoys. Someone who has control over his
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  anger is somebody whom God loves.
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  That shows you, you're on literally one of the most
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  beloved people on earth if you are without anger #2 Hashem also
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  blesses a person. He brings in the Gomaki Dushin.
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  What a very special name of God. God has different names and
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  different things, and Hashem is a special name that He gives to
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  those who are in control of their Angus.
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  Again, an indication about the beauty of being above anger.
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  Then it says another source. Now you bring the source of the
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  opposite way. How negative?
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  That's a positive control of anger is.
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  How negative and how bad is it to be an angry person?
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  One was very quick to anger. Howbe shamroo kola koes kilo
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  overt Abu dazarah, they give my rights.
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  Someone who gets angry, it's like they served autos as the
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  opposite extreme and that's considered so you have God loves
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  a person whose control of his anger.
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  You have that God bless the person, great connection to
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  Hashem when you're in control of anger and great distance to
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  Hashem when you're angry. The question is, where does God
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  come into the picture? No, angry is not a good me da.
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  Where does Hashem come into the picture?
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  Why are you involved in Hashem? Just tell me.
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  Anger is a good thing, It's a bad thing.
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  Whatever, it's a bad thing. Fine.
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  Where's Hashem come into this? Here's the theme.
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  One of the main themes are, is that when someone allows
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  themselves get angry. Am I closing news?
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  Someone allows themselves to get angry.
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  What they are saying is there is no limit.
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  The issue with anger, one of the main issues of anger is that
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  anger says nothing or stop you. The idea of getting angry is
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  that a person loses himself. He gets frustrated, he gets
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  upset and he yells whatever he does and he gets angry wherever
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  the movie makes. He is basically stopping all
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  barriers, removing all barriers as literally he'll have no
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  limit. And when we say Alvarado, we say
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  that Hashem doesn't like him. We say the opposite of your
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  control. Hashem loves you.
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  What we're saying is you have nothing holding you back and
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  therefore you're going to the full extreme.
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  You're willing to go to the full extreme.
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  Then if of course, you're a God fearing person, you believe in
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  Hashem, you have everyone now you have with a hard enough
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  connection to God. But once you allow yourself to
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  get angry, then you say at those moments, there's nothing holding
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  me back and we can go as far as say or whatever it does.
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  I'm not serving heartless, but it's it's a way of saying I have
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  nothing that's going to stop me. The issue with anger is, is that
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  every person is in control. Every person is in control.
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  Generally. The problem with anger is, is
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  that when someone allows itself to be about cost a person of
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  anger, they are saying at certain times, certain moments,
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  certain situations, there's nothing.
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  There's nothing that'll stop me. That's how we use the term Abu
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  does it out because we're saying there's nothing.
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  You literally you are off the rails.
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  You're off existence basically during that time.
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  I know it's a short time. I know it's only when someone
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  really gets you upset, but at the end of the day, you don't
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  exist in a normal form of existence during that time.
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  We all know it when we haven't gotten angry, we're burning mad.
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  You can't control us and then we're out of the existence.
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  That's why you can use the term over $1000.
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  You just turn on shame doesn't like you because you're saying
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  this person doesn't have human instincts during those moments.
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  That's how far we go. That's the beauty of you want to
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  bring a classic example because who got upsets as the defense of
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  Hashem and therefore he acted defended Hashem and he got a
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  great why was he giving up Shalom?
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  He was given literally because he was in full control.
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  Hashem was saying that a man lost himself, that is a man who
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  actually found himself, that's a person who's in full control.
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  And his anger wasn't anger as in Burning Man.
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  I can't control myself. His anger is I'm guided by God
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  and I'm doing what God wants me to do.
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  I'm a shalit of Hashem at that moment.
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  That's literally the reason why to your question, literally the
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  reason why Prakash was blessed of Shalom, to prove that he's
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  not someone who lost control, He's someone who was in full
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  control. He's doing his defense of
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  Hashem. Regular, typical, classic anger
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  that you and I can have, or someone who cuts us off or
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  someone who hurts us, someone who insults us, someone or
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  something wrong about us, someone who, you know,
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  disrespect, whatever that scenario is.
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  That anger is the opposite of enhance.
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  That's losing control. Anger is controlling your anger.
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  That's the issue. The issue with the anger is it's
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  a moment, but someone loses themselves and that's all I can
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  control. They give an example if someone
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  rips their clothing out of anger or breaks the killy by an anger
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  or he wastes, he ruins, he throws his money away out of
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  anger. Whatever the scenarios are
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  you're talking about, you know, we have a basketball team that's
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  doing pretty well right now. And I think back to the my days
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  as a kid when they were in their heyday, in the old heyday, they
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  had a new modern day heyday, but the old heyday in the 90s.
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  And I remember some people on my team, this team lost in the
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  playoffs. I remember vividly certain
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  people getting so angry at their loss.
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  I remember specifically one scenario where someone punched
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  his hand through a wall out of anger.
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  I still remember till today because the team lost and sticks
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  in my mind as the example, the prototypical example of this.
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  Someone who rips bricks, destroys, throws something out
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  of anger. He's telling you, Hashem says
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  you been. I know it's frustrating the
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  Knicks lose, but you can't get that far.
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  Vamru says you should not serve idols, which means don't.
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  Don't be easy to anger. Now, one more quote and then
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  I'll play out the concept. No lacrosse, le casche le razzo.
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  A person who is easily quickly to get angry and difficult to
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  cool down. That person, the Micheloba
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  Calvo, it says, is called a shop.
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  He's called a shop. Now, what's happening over here?
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  What do we do about this? We have a lot of reactions that
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  trigger anger. The problem with this topic is
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  that we're giving you the extremes of what this person is
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  defined or the worst. The worst.
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  The worst. Yeah, it's all reactionary.
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  It's all reactionary. The idea of getting angry is not
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  something that you control. It's not something that you
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  want. Every person that you and I know
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  that gets angry is embarrassed after the fact.
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  They ask forgiveness, they feel bad, they have to call you up.
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  So what do we do with this? That's such a major topic.
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  That's such a serious topic, but it's also at the same time
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  something that we can't control. So what do you do about this?
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  Say it? Avoid it?
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  How do you avoid it? You do your best to stay away
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  from those triggers, OK? Say my humble opinion.
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  This is based on certain sources.
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  If you look in the Gemara Sotah Sotah.
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  The Gemara brings many connections between the Medab
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  anger Cos and Gava arrogance. A person needs to realize we
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  don't notice this, but a person needs to realize many of our
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  anger triggers are based on arrogance.
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  Now this does not mean the arrogance of mute keeping my
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  chest out and thinking I'm a big deal is the arrogance of
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  thinking I should not be crossed.
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  No one to say something wrong to me.
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  I don't deserve that line. That type of arrogance.
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  There are direct link arrogance causes anger.
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  I'm not talking about the big deal.
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  The guy was a big deal arrogance.
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  I'm talking about a regular person can have that arrogance.
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  It's the sense that I deserve to be true, like something special.
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  That is automatically the trigger that allows me to get
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  angry. And a person has to.
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  If you want to get rid of the reaction, I'm angry.
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  You can't be in control during those moments, so you have to
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  undo the wiring that allows you to get angry.
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  How do you undo it? Cool down with the sense that
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  I'm a big deal. I need to cool down with that
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  belief. Then I have something special.
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  Of course I feel like something special.
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  Of course, have confidence. Of course you should feel good
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  about yourself at all times, but the sense that people should
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  treat you the right way and if they don't, they crossed you,
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  they wronged you, they messed you over.
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  All those terminologies that we love to use.
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  RIP over it Exactly. Let it go.
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  But how do you let it go? You only let it go by having a
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  sense that OK, I'm not the biggest deal in the world at all
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  times. I don't deserve that every
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  moment of the day to be treated like a big deal.
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  We have is a built in wiring of not the regular arrogance, but
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  the arrogance that even a small person can have.
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  I deserve to be treated well on so and so and there's something
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  wrong to me that bumping into my ego and that's the trigger of
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  most anger. That person cools that down,
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  takes that down on a regular day and they'll be able to not get
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  angry so often, even when the triggers come about.
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  You can avoid the triggers all you want.
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  That's a good move. But even stronger than that is
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  to take yourself down a notch. That means the same way if the
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  kids assigned to you, it doesn't mean anything 'cause he's a kid,
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  so too of an adult's assigned to you, it doesn't mean anything
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  because big deal, I don't deserve that.
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  Every single line said to me, I see a perfect, I'm not going to
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  be a difficult person that gets angry at every moment because
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  I'm not the biggest deal. I'm a great person, I'm very
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  confident in who I am, but I don't expect to be treated like
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  Mashiach at all times. If I take that down a notch,
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  then my anger, if I lower myself, then the shots fired
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  won't hit me. But if I keep myself high, the
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  shots fired bump into me and they trigger automatically and I
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  can't control myself at that moment.
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  To not try to be a person who's in control of the anger when it
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  comes. You can't rather be a person who
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  avoids the anger altogether. How so?
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  By taking yourself down a notch. Now he's started this topic with
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  two terms. Cuss and keep it down.
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  Let's keep it down. Keep it down means getting
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  upset. Often.
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  It means someone who's mug beat, not B means I'm very often
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  annoyed. I'm turned off all the time.
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  I'm very difficult. The most annoying person to be
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  around is a person who's often annoyed.
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  OK. The most difficult person to be
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  around is a person who's often difficult and unsettled.
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  Those people, you all, after a while you see yourself.
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  Unless they have something is wrong.
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  Everything is annoying. Everything nothing wrong.
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  You know what you say? I can't do anything right around
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  this person. Not that person.
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  Eventually, you know, people do with such people.
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  Eventually, after a while, people sit like this.
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  If they have something to offer, I'll keep it running around me
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  once they have nothing to offer to buy.
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  You've ever noticed it's a shocking point?
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  People who are famous and they're a big deal and they have
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  that made-up while they're still famous.
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  Everyone is still running after them and talking to them, all
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  that stuff. The moment they lose their
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  position, their fame, their spot, they lose it.
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  They have nobody. What happened went out to the
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  basic friends. The answer is they be kind.
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  Because they were in that position, they became so
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  difficult, they became so hard to deal with, so annoying that
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  after their connections were gone, after their purpose is
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  gone, there's nothing to them. The worst person to be is not
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  only the guy who gets angry all the time is a person who's
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  difficult. You don't want to be difficult.
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  What's difficult? Someone who's always sensitive,
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  someone's always upset, someone's always turned off,
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  someone's always had a problem. You don't know if if you're too
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  nice and then they say you're being too nice.
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  If you're too tough on them to say you're ignoring them.
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  You just like, forget it, right? That's a person who's a mug beat
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  person and you do not want to be that person for nothing.
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  Not worth it. Sometimes people who want to
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  feel like they're a big deal adopt that way somehow.
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  It wouldn't matter. Along with being a big deal.
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  They adopt that way. It's their style.
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  Now they become difficult, you can't get ahold of them, you
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  can't talk to them. He says anything wrong to them,
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  they ignore you. All that stuff 'cause it's part
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  of the persona. Mavrouk keep that while you're
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  famous. The moment that person balloon
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  gets popped and he comes down to earth, he has nothing left.
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  He has no one around the likes. And why?
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  Because he allowed himself to become an author.
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  Might be person. You don't want to be an angry
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  person and you don't want to be a mug beepers.
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  And in order to avoid that, you need to become a humble person,
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  a person who's down to earth. A person is easy to be around, a
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  person who recognizes I'm not the biggest civil at all times.
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  When you adapt that, when you adapt the clear understanding
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  that I'm not everything, then you can cool down and you can
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  avoid. Even if the triggers come your
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  way, they won't hate you. And that's what a person wants
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  to become. You not want to be someone who's
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  full of costs because as he tells you all those sources of
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  Khazal, there's all sorts of negative things to say about a
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  person who's angry and all sorts of positive things about what to
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  say about people who are easy. And the best thing you want to
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  be in life is someone that's easy.
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  Easy means I don't need to worry about you.
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  I don't need to address you. I don't have to be concerned
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  with your feeling. I know you're good.
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  That's the person you want to be and that's the person he's
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  telling you to be over here. Don't get angry, don't get
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  upset, don't get frustrated, and don't be demanding too much of
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  that. Respect God there.
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  Aren't there times where you, you have to be angry or like,
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  say somebody's trying to take advantage of you?
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  Like, yeah, put them in their place, you know?
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  So if it's controlled anger, that's great.
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  Those are all controlled. The big deal, it's Eddie's.
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  Any scenario that you know of where you're supposed to be,
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  like David mentioned earlier in class, or you might think of as
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  a child, as a parent to a child, or maybe you think of as a boss
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  to your employee. All those scenarios that you
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  have to put people in that place.
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  Was it all coming from control? If it's controlled, great.
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  If it's controlled, it's a decision, then fine.
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  There are very often times that you have to show that you have a
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  certain expectation and you have a demand and stuff like that,
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  but it is not controlled. It's this, this team controlled.
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  You're right. But is there really controlled
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  anger? If you lose it, you lose.
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  No. So you're right.
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  What Daddy, what daddy's talking about who's not really losing
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  it. It's not losing it.
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  That's why even parenting, even parenting he.
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  Said putting your hand through a wall is not controlled.
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  It's not controlled right? Reprimanding a kid is
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  controlled, right? I say parenting when you have to
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  get upset of your parents. We do not want our children
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  Jordan over us. We leave in 2026 where if you
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  let them do their thing, good luck.
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  So because of that, you have to have real parenting and you do
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  have to have levels of discipline, absolutely.
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  And you have to have even at times some degree of anger, but
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  that needs to come after calm and cool and collected and
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  controlled. All right, all those seas, then
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  you can get that act of anger. That's not anger, that's not
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  losing it. The issue with cost, as you
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  would keep it, that is you're a difficult person and you're a
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  person who loses it. You're not a person during those
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  times. The whole problem is is that
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  it's a topic that reflects the example of an individual not
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  being a person. The problem with costs is, is
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  during that time we compare costs to drunk.
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  What's the similarity to me angry and drunk?
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  They both don't include the mind, they just include
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  reactionary. You never want to be an
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  individual whose mind is by over there.
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  I'm just using my actions. I don't want that.
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  I want to be a person that's in full control.
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  So yes, there are times you should be upset, time you should
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  be angry, time should be Benghaz.
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  You know what the beauty of Benghaz was?
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  That he was in so much control that he was able to remember how
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  Laha the Musheda been forgot. That was the beauty of pehas.
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  He was fully of sound mind and body and then he acted.
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  That was the the halacha that when you see a Jewish person
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  doing something, I'd like that they should be killed
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  immediately without even a bed. Dean, that was a law that only
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  pehas. You remembered what happened was
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  enhas something Mushiya bin once said.
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  Moshe, we'll see right here has to be acted upon.
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  You're the messenger. You remember the halacha you
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  acting, and that's because the only person in the world who
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  could act because he remembered that that was an indication of
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  that point. His anger wasn't anger.
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  His anger was a controlled, calm, thought out action.
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  That's where your anger can come from, and that's fine.
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  But the type of anger that doesn't include the mind, you
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  don't want it. And the only way you can change
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  that is if you change your wiring and you make yourself
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  unable to be upset all the time. Easy, just easier person.
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  And easy will mean that you swallow a lot of things.
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  Easy will mean that you are very OK with things that bother you.
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  Only way you can survive in a very comfortable happy life is
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  if you're easy and you're not know because how's that
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  possible? If you're someone who's not the
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  most arrogant person around, someone who's not always
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  demanding to be treated well, someone was the guy who no one's
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  worrying about. If you're the guy that you sit
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  down my available and all the things about the old time is he
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  has a bed seat, he's going to be so annoying and you're a
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  difficult person. If you're the person who's on
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  right, if you're on a trip or on the thing and all they're
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  worrying about is someone so not going to be happy with their
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  room. We're not going to be happy with
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  their seat, not going to be happy with the food.
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  Then you're someone who's just hard to deal with.
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  And yes, while you're an important person, you'll get
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  that respect. But the moment that importance
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  wanes, which it always does comes down, then they're
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  respecting and say, where's the respect?
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  I'm just difficult. No one wants you, and that's why
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  you don't want to be that person.
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  Instead, you want to be a person who's in full control and
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  knowing. Stop being.