Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #124 Gus Worland On The Best Advice For Being A Parent

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#124 Gus Worland On The Best Advice For Being A Parent · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Ash.
• 0:00
  Speaker 2: One question we like to ask our guests on the
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: podcast is their proposal story.
• 0:04
  Speaker 3: Yes, and Gus has quite a unique one.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: I think this would be my favorite of all the
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: proposal stories we've had.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: This is number one.
• 0:12
  Speaker 4: You're only seeing movies usually where people ask someone to
• 0:15
  Speaker 4: marry them on the first date.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: What a maniac? What an idiot?
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: Seem to have paid off, but didn't expect the best
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: story to come from Oh Gussie. Now you might know
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: Gus from his work as a sports commentator. He was
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: also working at Triple M until he decided to hang
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: up the headphones after a massive sixteen years and put
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: all his energy into Gotcha for Life.
• 0:34
  Speaker 4: Got through such a great organization that emerged from such
• 0:37
  Speaker 4: devastating circumstances.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Gus lost his mentor and basically a father figure
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: who died as a result of suicide. This ultimately led
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: to him building an organization that is dedicated to getting
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: the male suicide rate down to zero. So if you
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: or anyone you know is struggling, you can call Lifeline
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: on thirteen eleven fourteen. Further info will be available in
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: the show notes.
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: Gus is married to VICKI.
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: I have three kids and he's an advocate for opening
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: up discussions around really important issues amongst men.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: He also gives us a bit of advice on how
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: to stay happily married after what is it like thirty years?
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Thirty years?
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: It was actually his thirtieth anniversary when we did this chat,
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: which was awesome because he'd spent time with us and
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: not as well.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: Anyway, here is the conversation.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: Enjoy, Welcome back to three doting dads.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: I am Addie, Jay, I'm Ash and.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: I'm Gus warn And this is a podcast all about parenting.
• 1:45
  Speaker 5: It is the good, it.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: Is the bad and the relatable.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: And Gussie, we can I call you Gussie of course, Gussie.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: We don't give any advice here, Ash and I occasionally
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: we will if you'd like to give advice. You can
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: give advice if it's not advice, but it's stories that
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: shouldn't be taken as advice.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: Perfect.
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: We like to just pre warn everybody.
• 2:06
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I think I'm probably more of a preacher than
• 2:09
  Speaker 6: I expect myself to be or want to be. But
• 2:12
  Speaker 6: that comes with, you know, maturity and being fifty six
• 2:15
  Speaker 6: a couple of days ago, and you know, I'm sort
• 2:17
  Speaker 6: of I could be your father easily.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: Happy birthday, by the way, me, yeah, forty six. No,
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: I'm just thirty fourty four.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: I'm thirty seven.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: And that's part of the reason why we were excited
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: to talk to you, because we always mentioned as a
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: hierarchy of parents, and when we speak to someone who's
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: got children younger than us, we then preached down to that.
• 2:42
  Speaker 5: Speak to someone, Oh I remember when that was happening.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: You're much wiser because you're far higher on the hierarchy
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: of parenthood.
• 2:50
  Speaker 6: Maybe I'm not one hundred percent sure about that, but
• 2:53
  Speaker 6: I reckon that definitely is to go though in terms
• 2:55
  Speaker 6: of like, you know, you look around and you think, oh, well,
• 2:57
  Speaker 6: I've been here and done that, and I find myself
• 3:00
  Speaker 6: saying over and over again, oh, take in every moment, yeah,
• 3:04
  Speaker 6: je it goes quickly.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, before even we're guilty of that. At
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: the park, someone's the newborn and I'm like, oh.
• 3:13
  Speaker 4: Before you know, it becomes part of your small dog,
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: and you're just like, ah, it goes fast, doesn't it.
• 3:19
  Speaker 4: As soon as someone's like, yeah, he's just turned one,
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: you're like, and just to keep the conversation, you're like,
• 3:23
  Speaker 4: oh my god, that wents so fat, and therefore we're thinking, no,
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: it fucking didn't.
• 3:30
  Speaker 5: So long waited just to be over.
• 3:33
  Speaker 6: Now that I've got three kids away from home. So
• 3:37
  Speaker 6: Abby's twenty one, she's in Canada, Jack and Ella have
• 3:40
  Speaker 6: been in England for four and three years, I find
• 3:43
  Speaker 6: myself going, gee, it goes fast.
• 3:45
  Speaker 5: I remember when my and then one of the children,
• 3:48
  Speaker 5: and then.
• 3:49
  Speaker 6: I tell them about, well you're doing now, just as
• 3:52
  Speaker 6: if they're passed through it.
• 3:53
  Speaker 5: But they happen. One is like hello or something like that,
• 3:57
  Speaker 5: and I'll.
• 3:57
  Speaker 6: Just get into that and that gives me two three minutes,
• 4:00
  Speaker 6: few stories.
• 4:01
  Speaker 5: Oh why England. Oh, then my wife and I can
• 4:04
  Speaker 5: go forever.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: After that point, I have no doubt. Before we chat
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: about your kids, I'm going to test your memory here, Gus.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: We always like to start off and see what I
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: guess were like when they were much younger. I'm talking
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: about you know, teenage years even earlier, if you can
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: recall that far back. Yeah, what were you like as
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: a young man?
• 4:26
  Speaker 6: I was a chubby happy, lots of mates around me,
• 4:32
  Speaker 6: lots of sport. Put me in a box and I
• 4:35
  Speaker 6: was happy as soon as I was sort of a
• 4:36
  Speaker 6: little bit outside of that box. I was no good,
• 4:39
  Speaker 6: So I went to a school that was a boaters
• 4:41
  Speaker 6: and blazer and loved it. My brother, two years ahead
• 4:43
  Speaker 6: of me, couldn't wait to leave, went to America to
• 4:45
  Speaker 6: finish off his schooling. I was just a happy, happy
• 4:50
  Speaker 6: little kid who just loved to eat and loved sugar
• 4:55
  Speaker 6: and loved like soft drinks and stuff.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: And remind me of someone else on this podcast who's
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: a little similar, cut from the same class.
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: This guy.
• 5:06
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean you and I are very similar from
• 5:08
  Speaker 6: what I've known from the time we spent together. All
• 5:11
  Speaker 6: was up for a laugh, always seeing the funny side
• 5:13
  Speaker 6: of things. But I think it comes with an authentic
• 5:16
  Speaker 6: sort of good heart as well, you know, which.
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: Is I like to think that too.
• 5:21
  Speaker 5: I was always told, oh, you wear your heart on
• 5:23
  Speaker 5: your sleeve. You know.
• 5:23
  Speaker 6: I was the one that cried. I was the one
• 5:25
  Speaker 6: that gave people hugs and stuff. And I told girls
• 5:28
  Speaker 6: after a date and a half that I love them
• 5:30
  Speaker 6: and I'd be perfect on you know, some sort of
• 5:34
  Speaker 6: you know, showed like that on TV.
• 5:36
  Speaker 5: I don't know if there's one available.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: We're very happily married, but the Golden Bachelor is casting
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: at the moment.
• 5:41
  Speaker 6: I did say that to my wife. She's a lucky
• 5:43
  Speaker 6: lady thirty years today. Yes, congratulations, And we're talking about
• 5:48
  Speaker 6: that too, because she sent me a photo of her
• 5:49
  Speaker 6: and her wedding dress this morning. She said it to
• 5:52
  Speaker 6: the family WhatsApp because our kids are very proud of us.
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: Did she send it in the family watch to remind
• 5:56
  Speaker 4: you that today's the day?
• 5:59
  Speaker 5: It was to day? But I think she just wanted to.
• 6:03
  Speaker 5: I don't know.
• 6:03
  Speaker 6: It was a nice memory for her, and she looks fantastic.
• 6:07
  Speaker 6: In fact, you know, she's slimmer than she was all
• 6:09
  Speaker 6: those years ago, and I think you know, she's been
• 6:11
  Speaker 6: working hard on herself. So I think that was a
• 6:13
  Speaker 6: really nice little moment. And our kids just dropped straight
• 6:16
  Speaker 6: into how long is it again?
• 6:18
  Speaker 5: And Mum, you look wonderful and all that stuff.
• 6:20
  Speaker 6: So it was just a nice sort of start of
• 6:22
  Speaker 6: the start of the day, and I started the day
• 6:24
  Speaker 6: for us.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: We had talked about you wearing your heart on your sleeve.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: Where does that come from? Do you think is that
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: because I know that you've spoken about your dad leaving
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: when you were quite young?
• 6:35
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: Is that because you spent a lot of time then
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: with your mum?
• 6:38
  Speaker 6: I think so, And also other mates mums as well.
• 6:41
  Speaker 6: So Dad left officially when I was ten, but he
• 6:45
  Speaker 6: was sort of out of there, probably around I was
• 6:47
  Speaker 6: about two. And I found out when I was eighteen
• 6:50
  Speaker 6: that he actually left Mum for a male who is
• 6:53
  Speaker 6: still with now. His name's Ian, who's an absolute bloody champion.
• 6:57
  Speaker 6: But I didn't know that at the time. So Mum
• 6:59
  Speaker 6: and Dad got a really well. And then one day
• 7:01
  Speaker 6: I came home from school. I remember it so well.
• 7:04
  Speaker 5: There was boxes at the door, but there was nothing
• 7:06
  Speaker 5: in them.
• 7:06
  Speaker 7: I thought, that's weird.
• 7:08
  Speaker 6: D And then as I sort of you know, got
• 7:10
  Speaker 6: out of my school gear and you know, I started
• 7:12
  Speaker 6: mucking around with my brother, the boxes started to be
• 7:15
  Speaker 6: filled with stuff.
• 7:17
  Speaker 5: And then Dad was putting him in his car, and
• 7:19
  Speaker 5: I thought that was all weird.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: Was it tense between you Mum and Dad in that moment?
• 7:23
  Speaker 6: Or Mum was getting along with everything she normally did,
• 7:26
  Speaker 6: baking a cake and making this dinner, and I just
• 7:29
  Speaker 6: thought it was weird. Maybe there was a clear out
• 7:31
  Speaker 6: or something in my head. But I've always lived in
• 7:33
  Speaker 6: a bubble. I've always lived in a bubble where I've
• 7:36
  Speaker 6: never really totally understood what's going on at any time,
• 7:40
  Speaker 6: and that was a perfect example of that. And then
• 7:42
  Speaker 6: Mum and Dad sat down and said, we've got something
• 7:44
  Speaker 6: to tell you. You know, Dad's not going to be living
• 7:47
  Speaker 6: here full time and whatever, and I literally and I
• 7:50
  Speaker 6: love my food.
• 7:51
  Speaker 5: I was spoken about already.
• 7:53
  Speaker 6: I threw him a plate I remember so well because
• 7:55
  Speaker 6: I hadn't started yet, three cutlets, mashed potato and veggies,
• 7:59
  Speaker 6: and I'm remember I getting a good meal, a good meal,
• 8:03
  Speaker 6: and I smashed the china up against the thing. And
• 8:05
  Speaker 6: then I ran down in my mate's place and I
• 8:07
  Speaker 6: worked out later that mum rang said he must be
• 8:10
  Speaker 6: down there, and the mum got that message from mum,
• 8:12
  Speaker 6: this is what's happened, and she said, I look after
• 8:15
  Speaker 6: him until he calms down. And I stayed there a
• 8:17
  Speaker 6: couple of nights. Eventually went back. Dad had left and
• 8:20
  Speaker 6: it was just Mum, me and my brother. And Mum
• 8:23
  Speaker 6: was a very loving person, so maybe it was to
• 8:26
  Speaker 6: do with that, but I think it was my personality
• 8:27
  Speaker 6: from a young kid as well.
• 8:29
  Speaker 7: You must have been angry. Do you remember what your
• 8:31
  Speaker 7: emotion was then?
• 8:31
  Speaker 5: Like?
• 8:32
  Speaker 6: Definitely anger and just like it was probably the first
• 8:35
  Speaker 6: time that I remember where I absolutely didn't understand and
• 8:40
  Speaker 6: was confused and all that stuff, and I think at
• 8:42
  Speaker 6: twelve years of age, you're probably like that.
• 8:44
  Speaker 5: Anyway.
• 8:44
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I was trying to work stuff out. And then
• 8:47
  Speaker 6: I went to school the next day and spoke to
• 8:48
  Speaker 6: my mates, and a few of them sort of said, oh,
• 8:51
  Speaker 6: I think my mum and dad will be the same,
• 8:53
  Speaker 6: or my mum and dad live in separate rooms, or
• 8:57
  Speaker 6: they had the same room but two single beds. Now
• 8:59
  Speaker 6: it's from a double to a single. And I was like, oh,
• 9:02
  Speaker 6: I thought everyone's life was sort of perfect. Yeah, And
• 9:05
  Speaker 6: that was my first thing, and I spoke to my
• 9:07
  Speaker 6: brother about it. My brother's much less emotional than me.
• 9:10
  Speaker 6: He just goes, mate, that's just the way it is.
• 9:12
  Speaker 6: And then about Dad, because I got really upset about Dad,
• 9:15
  Speaker 6: the fact that everyone else seemed to know and I
• 9:17
  Speaker 6: didn't know, why couldn't you trust me with this information?
• 9:21
  Speaker 5: Anyway? When I found out, first.
• 9:23
  Speaker 6: Thing I did is had to go home wring my
• 9:25
  Speaker 6: brother because there was no mobile phones.
• 9:27
  Speaker 5: He was living in Chippendale.
• 9:28
  Speaker 6: We were in Pimble, so it was about an hour's
• 9:30
  Speaker 6: drive and I said, get your ass over here. How
• 9:33
  Speaker 6: long have you known about Dad? And he went, yep,
• 9:35
  Speaker 6: on my way and he came over and he had
• 9:37
  Speaker 6: known since he was fourteen, so he pretty much knew
• 9:40
  Speaker 6: from the time Dad left, and I just didn't understand why.
• 9:44
  Speaker 6: And when I asked them why, they said, well, your
• 9:47
  Speaker 6: life was going so well, like we didn't want to
• 9:49
  Speaker 6: throw this curve.
• 9:50
  Speaker 5: All that you do everyone was, you were happy.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: Do you think when you look back, do you like
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: I can appreciate why they were wanting to protect me.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: Do you think the best thing was how it played out?
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: Or do you think no, I should have been told,
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: like it's such an important message and to be told
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: last that has worse effect than whether I was told upfront.
• 10:09
  Speaker 6: Well, the other thing totally. I'll answer that in a second.
• 10:13
  Speaker 6: I wasn't told by anyone in my family. So if
• 10:16
  Speaker 6: some of your listeners may know or have heard. A
• 10:18
  Speaker 6: bloke called John Newcomb who was a famous tennis player,
• 10:21
  Speaker 6: so he was like my second dad, lived in the
• 10:23
  Speaker 6: same street, and Nuke actually took me out for dinner
• 10:27
  Speaker 6: to tell me on behalf of all the friends that
• 10:30
  Speaker 6: were all that knew and we're wondering why I didn't know,
• 10:33
  Speaker 6: And we sat down. I remember so again another good
• 10:35
  Speaker 6: meal because the spring rolls of the dim seems like
• 10:39
  Speaker 6: arrived on a plate and he goes by the way,
• 10:43
  Speaker 6: by the way, Dad's gay, and I was thinking, okay,
• 10:47
  Speaker 6: there's a joke in here, like an Irish man of
• 10:49
  Speaker 6: Scott's walk into a bar, like what is this?
• 10:51
  Speaker 5: And he goes, did you know? And I'm like, wow,
• 10:54
  Speaker 5: hold on for a second, is this what? And he goes.
• 10:58
  Speaker 6: Well everyone no, and was wondering why you weren't talking
• 11:02
  Speaker 6: about it? So now I know you don't know?
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: So how old at this point?
• 11:05
  Speaker 6: So I was nineteen, So I done my gap year,
• 11:08
  Speaker 6: came back and was my first job doing marketing for
• 11:13
  Speaker 6: the new South Wales Open tennis at White City, just
• 11:15
  Speaker 6: down the road here.
• 11:17
  Speaker 5: And you took me out for dinner because I've done
• 11:18
  Speaker 5: a good job. That was the what he'd said.
• 11:21
  Speaker 6: And as I said, the demmis in the springings right
• 11:25
  Speaker 6: and before it could get my buddy gob into one,
• 11:28
  Speaker 6: he told me about Dad. So obviously I was teared up.
• 11:31
  Speaker 6: I was upset. There was a lot of emotion there.
• 11:35
  Speaker 6: I then went back home, rang my brother, spoke to mom.
• 11:39
  Speaker 6: Mum was furious that NU could said anything. Yeah, bad
• 11:42
  Speaker 6: because that was her role. And I was like, you've
• 11:43
  Speaker 6: had eighteen years to say it, So.
• 11:47
  Speaker 5: That happened.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: She goes, I was dressed about it. Next week, your Dad's.
• 11:52
  Speaker 5: Go, yeah, that was on the agenda for next week.
• 11:54
  Speaker 5: We'll chat about it anyway.
• 11:56
  Speaker 6: The next morning, I remember not getting a lot of
• 11:58
  Speaker 6: sleep that night, but the next morning hearing the doorbell
• 12:01
  Speaker 6: go and Nuke was there. And Nuke then said, I'm
• 12:04
  Speaker 6: really sorry if I overstepped, and they went through that
• 12:07
  Speaker 6: discussion as two adults would, and then Nuke offered to
• 12:10
  Speaker 6: send me to America, which is where my dad was,
• 12:12
  Speaker 6: so I could have that conversation face to face.
• 12:15
  Speaker 5: Back in the day. He was like, Nuke had to
• 12:18
  Speaker 5: deal with Kanas.
• 12:18
  Speaker 6: So he had tickets literally sitting in his top desk
• 12:21
  Speaker 6: and you can fill them in on where you wanted
• 12:22
  Speaker 6: to go, Like, so has he.
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: Only left now?
• 12:25
  Speaker 6: It's like, oh, on the computer, but he so that
• 12:28
  Speaker 6: afternoon I flew to LA and then LA to Vegas
• 12:31
  Speaker 6: where Dad was.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: What was that conversation like with your dad?
• 12:34
  Speaker 5: So I took two days to.
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: Bring it up, so you didn't know while you were there.
• 12:38
  Speaker 6: He said why are you here? Definitely when he saw me,
• 12:44
  Speaker 6: and I said, I knew, you know, sprung this trip
• 12:46
  Speaker 6: on me.
• 12:46
  Speaker 5: Because I did a.
• 12:47
  Speaker 6: Good job with the tennis and blah blah blah and
• 12:49
  Speaker 6: no worries. Meanwhile, my brother's rung my dad and said
• 12:52
  Speaker 6: he's coming over. He's coming in hot So this is
• 12:55
  Speaker 6: a story. So my dad's waiting for me to tell
• 12:57
  Speaker 6: the story. I'm to gutlass to tell the story. And
• 13:02
  Speaker 6: then eventually, after a couple of days, we're around the
• 13:04
  Speaker 6: pool and I said, Dad, actually, the reason I'm here
• 13:07
  Speaker 6: is this and the longest discussion my father and I've
• 13:10
  Speaker 6: ever had it win for hours, and I remember it
• 13:12
  Speaker 6: being really sunny, and by the time we finished, I
• 13:14
  Speaker 6: had my tower around me by the pool, like it
• 13:17
  Speaker 6: can get quite cold in the desert at night anyway,
• 13:20
  Speaker 6: And then we went out and had the most fantastic night.
• 13:24
  Speaker 6: And Ian, whose dad's partner still now, as I said,
• 13:27
  Speaker 6: he was there and I just gave him the biggest
• 13:29
  Speaker 6: hauga and I said, mate, like, this is nothing on you.
• 13:32
  Speaker 6: I just need to work this stuff out myself. But
• 13:34
  Speaker 6: you're You're like an uncle to me. I love you
• 13:37
  Speaker 6: like another Dad.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: Did you did you know Ian at all prior to
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: this and the first time you met him on that triom.
• 13:42
  Speaker 6: He's always been Dad's business partner Averted Commas. So he's
• 13:45
  Speaker 6: always been Ian and Dad Neine have lived together but
• 13:48
  Speaker 6: separate rooms. And I'm like, oh, that's just like my mates.
• 13:50
  Speaker 6: When I grow up, I'm going to live with my mates.
• 13:53
  Speaker 6: So that's this is this bubble I was talking about.
• 13:55
  Speaker 6: I remember going to Whale but each once we had
• 13:56
  Speaker 6: a place down there and my girlfriend and I Jackie,
• 14:00
  Speaker 6: just came up from the beach and Dad always said
• 14:02
  Speaker 6: ring before you come to the house, right, And one
• 14:05
  Speaker 6: of these days I was like, bug of that. I'm
• 14:06
  Speaker 6: just going to go up, jump in the pool. It's
• 14:08
  Speaker 6: freshen up for the drive home. Well I turned up
• 14:11
  Speaker 6: and it was like it was like the village people y.
• 14:13
  Speaker 5: M c a or rolled into one.
• 14:15
  Speaker 6: The music was going, they had the hooch on the go.
• 14:17
  Speaker 6: There was like thirty blokes all in Speedo's.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: Dad's got a lot of mates.
• 14:22
  Speaker 5: Even then, I'm not going, oh my dad might be gay.
• 14:25
  Speaker 5: I'm going, that's a whole lot of mates and that's
• 14:27
  Speaker 5: really cool.
• 14:29
  Speaker 6: Yeah, And to dad man come out and we have
• 14:34
  Speaker 6: a chat and have a swim and you say gooday
• 14:36
  Speaker 6: to everyone and then I leave and they're like, well
• 14:38
  Speaker 6: that that's obviously going to and that made Jackie, my
• 14:43
  Speaker 6: partner at the time, talk to my mates and say, well,
• 14:46
  Speaker 6: I don't think he has a clue because like he's
• 14:48
  Speaker 6: literally literally walked into Mardi Gras on a float and
• 14:51
  Speaker 6: hasn't and hasn't worked it out.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: What was it like when when your dad left? My
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: mum and dad split when I was about twelve as well,
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: And for me it left a really big void that
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: I wanted to feel for that father figure.
• 15:09
  Speaker 5: What was it like for you? I definitely wanted a field.
• 15:12
  Speaker 6: I found it with Nuke and I found it with
• 15:13
  Speaker 6: Angus Roberts, who was my mentor, who took his own life.
• 15:18
  Speaker 6: That started got your for life for me. So two
• 15:20
  Speaker 6: very big personalities. Plus there's parts of my mate's dads
• 15:24
  Speaker 6: that I went, oh, I love that.
• 15:26
  Speaker 5: That's really good.
• 15:27
  Speaker 6: So I would be one of the kids sometimes talking
• 15:30
  Speaker 6: to the parents when the kids were outside having a laugh,
• 15:32
  Speaker 6: not for long, but I would not just be straight
• 15:34
  Speaker 6: in and out and fun and pull.
• 15:36
  Speaker 5: I would be like interested.
• 15:38
  Speaker 6: So there was a few fathers like Jacko's father Chris Jackman,
• 15:42
  Speaker 6: who was an absolute bloody He's a tyrant at times,
• 15:46
  Speaker 6: very religious and stuff very different to me, but I
• 15:48
  Speaker 6: would learn some discipline things from him, some hard work.
• 15:52
  Speaker 6: Don't keep giving yourself treats. You know, I'm a great
• 15:55
  Speaker 6: one of do something good treat.
• 16:00
  Speaker 7: I went to the gym last night, came home in
• 16:01
  Speaker 7: an ice cream.
• 16:01
  Speaker 5: I was like, yeah, you could have easily just had
• 16:04
  Speaker 5: the ice cream.
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: I could have, but I felt like I needed his
• 16:07
  Speaker 4: don't encourage him, encourage me, get a little something something.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: How did you meet Angus?
• 16:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 16:12
  Speaker 6: So Angus was my cousin's boyfriend, then my cousin's husband,
• 16:16
  Speaker 6: and I loved him so much. When I did Year twelve,
• 16:19
  Speaker 6: like a work experience, I worked for him at Trinity
• 16:22
  Speaker 6: Prep School.
• 16:23
  Speaker 5: He's a PE teacher. And then four or five years later,
• 16:26
  Speaker 5: when I'd finished.
• 16:26
  Speaker 6: School, I was goofing around and my wife was teaching
• 16:30
  Speaker 6: at poc Pimble as a PE teacher to Posh school
• 16:33
  Speaker 6: up on the North Shore, and Angus came up behind
• 16:35
  Speaker 6: me and sort of put his arm around me and said,
• 16:38
  Speaker 6: time for you to, you know, start doing some stuff.
• 16:41
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 16:41
  Speaker 6: I was like, what, life's good and He's like, mate,
• 16:44
  Speaker 6: time for you to, you know, put your head down
• 16:46
  Speaker 6: and find something that you're going to do a bit
• 16:48
  Speaker 6: old school, but I probably needed it.
• 16:50
  Speaker 5: And then he got me.
• 16:51
  Speaker 6: A job working at Tashiba selling laptop computers, which was
• 16:54
  Speaker 6: when laptops were ten grand apiece and only the bosses
• 16:57
  Speaker 6: had them.
• 16:57
  Speaker 5: Perfect time.
• 16:58
  Speaker 6: Eight years later I finished off after working at Tsheba
• 17:02
  Speaker 6: in a few different countries.
• 17:03
  Speaker 5: We gave the computer away as long.
• 17:05
  Speaker 6: As you bought the dongle for BT Telecom or whatever
• 17:08
  Speaker 6: it was. It was all about that, not the actual hardware.
• 17:11
  Speaker 6: So I went through really at the start, all the
• 17:13
  Speaker 6: way to what is very normal now is a laptop,
• 17:17
  Speaker 6: and he taught me everything. He was bloody fantastic and
• 17:20
  Speaker 6: I never worked a day at Tsheba after he died.
• 17:24
  Speaker 5: Not one day, No one day. It was like, it's
• 17:28
  Speaker 5: just it was just a I couldn't do it.
• 17:31
  Speaker 6: I went to to Sheba, Australia to try to find
• 17:34
  Speaker 6: a note, because I was in England when he took
• 17:36
  Speaker 6: his own life. So I went back to Shea and
• 17:38
  Speaker 6: I walked into his office and I looked everywhere to
• 17:40
  Speaker 6: see that just made no sense to me that he
• 17:44
  Speaker 6: would do that, but never found it.
• 17:46
  Speaker 5: And then I've never known anything at to Sheba since.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: How do you digest that type of grief finding that
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: someone who played such a pivotal role in your life
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: is now gone really badly.
• 17:58
  Speaker 6: The first maybe five years, I should just get drunk
• 18:01
  Speaker 6: on the anniversary, shouted.
• 18:03
  Speaker 5: Him, call him names.
• 18:04
  Speaker 6: I used to go to the spot, my spot, what
• 18:06
  Speaker 6: I cau was our spot, and just be so angry
• 18:09
  Speaker 6: and sad.
• 18:10
  Speaker 5: And then I learned some stuff and I was brave enough.
• 18:14
  Speaker 6: I supposed to talk about it on The Grill Team,
• 18:16
  Speaker 6: which was a very blokey show.
• 18:18
  Speaker 5: We'd never show vulnerability.
• 18:20
  Speaker 6: We always just told jokes and gave away tickets and
• 18:22
  Speaker 6: talked sport. And I asked Maddie John's and MG one
• 18:27
  Speaker 6: morning if I could talk about my friend, and I said,
• 18:30
  Speaker 6: we've been doing the show for six years. I reckon,
• 18:32
  Speaker 6: our listeners are loyal, they're ready for this, and we went.
• 18:35
  Speaker 5: Okay, let's see here we go.
• 18:36
  Speaker 6: And so I told the story of Angus took his
• 18:39
  Speaker 6: own life on the day that his third and final
• 18:41
  Speaker 6: child finished their hsc Oh my god, so what should
• 18:44
  Speaker 6: have been a celebration and it had been such a tough time.
• 18:47
  Speaker 6: And then how many people were at the funeral? Thousands literally,
• 18:52
  Speaker 6: they loved him, and no one had a clue, And.
• 18:57
  Speaker 5: The end of the break you know what it's like
• 18:58
  Speaker 5: in radio.
• 18:59
  Speaker 6: Three or four minutes go to a song, and every
• 19:02
  Speaker 6: line at Triple M was buzzing and just needed to
• 19:05
  Speaker 6: be picked up. And people were going, I want to
• 19:07
  Speaker 6: tell my story, so that we gave them permission to
• 19:09
  Speaker 6: talk about something. So I drove home to Eleanora and
• 19:13
  Speaker 6: said to my wife, just on the small little team
• 19:17
  Speaker 6: at the grill team, we had ninety minutes of phone
• 19:19
  Speaker 6: calls back to back. We didn't play another song, not
• 19:22
  Speaker 6: another news report, not another traffic report.
• 19:23
  Speaker 5: All morning.
• 19:24
  Speaker 6: We just went literally one person after another, going this
• 19:27
  Speaker 6: is what happened to me, This is what happened to me,
• 19:29
  Speaker 6: This is what happened to me.
• 19:30
  Speaker 5: I realized how many people are worrying alone. So I
• 19:33
  Speaker 5: was able to get some.
• 19:34
  Speaker 6: Money from the ABC and do the Man Up program,
• 19:38
  Speaker 6: and then from Man Up came Gotcha for Life, And
• 19:40
  Speaker 6: every day I now talk about my friend.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: When was this? How long ago?
• 19:43
  Speaker 6: Twenty sixteen was when I spoke about it. Twenty sixteen,
• 19:47
  Speaker 6: I did Man Up. Twenty seventeen we started Gotcha, So
• 19:49
  Speaker 6: we're eight years into Gotcha now.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: It doesn't sound like a long time, eight years, but
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: like almost a decade ago. It was honestly never spoken
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: about all.
• 20:00
  Speaker 6: We've been a part of that changing of the guard
• 20:03
  Speaker 6: and you guys were a part of that too. And
• 20:05
  Speaker 6: there's some other cool people like you guys that can
• 20:09
  Speaker 6: show a young person that you can be good looking
• 20:12
  Speaker 6: with tats but still talk with being authentic and real,
• 20:16
  Speaker 6: and you can still be a knock about. You can
• 20:17
  Speaker 6: still love a beer and you can have a cry,
• 20:20
  Speaker 6: you can tell the mate you love them. You can
• 20:23
  Speaker 6: just find the guts to actually talk, which is what
• 20:26
  Speaker 6: we've been told to man up and shut up.
• 20:28
  Speaker 5: It's actually man up and speak up, you know. And
• 20:31
  Speaker 5: it's not just males either.
• 20:32
  Speaker 6: We lose seven blokes a day, two women a day,
• 20:34
  Speaker 6: but every eight minutes someone attempts and most of those
• 20:37
  Speaker 6: are women.
• 20:38
  Speaker 5: So we've got to get to the point where we put.
• 20:39
  Speaker 6: A line in the sand in this country and say
• 20:42
  Speaker 6: I don't want to live in Australia like that.
• 20:44
  Speaker 5: And we're getting there, but it takes time and it's
• 20:46
  Speaker 5: going to be generational.
• 20:47
  Speaker 6: You guys, with your children will definitely be different to
• 20:50
  Speaker 6: how your dad was with you, and it would be
• 20:52
  Speaker 6: better in terms of us being more human and less
• 20:55
  Speaker 6: puffing your chest out.
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: And I think one of the questions that a lot
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: of people have definitely spoken about the topic, and we
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: often get this is someone who maybe thinks that they
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: may need to speak to a friend who's not doing well.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: How do you approach that conversation? You know, r UOK
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: day is one that has a lot of momentum, but
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: at the same time, it's how do you get from
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: the surface level to actually getting deeper into understanding how
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: someone's coping mentally?
• 21:21
  Speaker 5: Eat practice?
• 21:22
  Speaker 6: You know, you can't do it one day like I
• 21:23
  Speaker 6: do heaps of work for Auoka. I love it and
• 21:26
  Speaker 6: their tagline is a conversation can save a life, absolutely,
• 21:29
  Speaker 6: but how do you have the conversation?
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: That's the problem? Like people like us who are communicators
• 21:34
  Speaker 5: might be a bit easier, but.
• 21:35
  Speaker 6: I still find it hard to go away from banter
• 21:38
  Speaker 6: into a proper discussion with a friend that I love well.
• 21:44
  Speaker 5: I had one this morning with the mate, and I'm
• 21:46
  Speaker 5: just like, I'm thinking about it.
• 21:48
  Speaker 6: I'm thinking about it, I'm breathing heavily, and eventually I went, mate, this,
• 21:52
  Speaker 6: I've got to talk to you about something that's really awkward.
• 21:55
  Speaker 6: And as soon as I said that, he knew it
• 21:56
  Speaker 6: wasn't going to be talking about if other Risks is
• 21:58
  Speaker 6: going to make the top eight next year, or stuff
• 22:00
  Speaker 6: we normally talk about all the brick that's just just
• 22:03
  Speaker 6: played an adelaide, So that all that sort of stuff happening.
• 22:05
  Speaker 6: You've got to practice having conversations of gravity. And the
• 22:09
  Speaker 6: only way you do that is by starting and people go,
• 22:11
  Speaker 6: I don't know how to do it, Bumble and fumble
• 22:13
  Speaker 6: your way through. Send them a text, send them an email,
• 22:15
  Speaker 6: write them a letter. You don't need to have the
• 22:16
  Speaker 6: face to face tears running down the eyes combat, because
• 22:19
  Speaker 6: that's bloody hard. But to say to someone I need
• 22:22
  Speaker 6: to talk to you about something that's quite sensitive, or
• 22:25
  Speaker 6: I want to have an adult conversation, whatever you want
• 22:27
  Speaker 6: to talk about, get it out there in a way
• 22:29
  Speaker 6: that's easy.
• 22:30
  Speaker 5: For your technology.
• 22:31
  Speaker 6: I mean, we've literally got our phones attached to us,
• 22:34
  Speaker 6: so we all know how to send a text. So
• 22:35
  Speaker 6: do that, but start it. There's too many people not
• 22:38
  Speaker 6: having conversations they should be having.
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: I think as much easier not to start it.
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: That makes sense, So oh you know, mum, maybe I'll
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: start a conversation next time. I found that, like with
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: some of my friends, if I sort of if I'm
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: telling them a story about something's happening with me. Usually
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: they'll find something that relates and then that's how the
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: conversation will begin. Usually so daunting to have a conversation
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: with someone on a different level that you're not used
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: to having. You're sort of usually at this surface level
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: of like Bandspan's bands as the boys when we're comfortable, right, yeah.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're all right.
• 23:08
  Speaker 7: I mean a listen straight and it is.
• 23:10
  Speaker 5: It is awkward jokers anyway like that. That's where we're comfy.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a gear change that is a lot harder
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: to get into.
• 23:19
  Speaker 5: I've got to build a safe place, Mattie.
• 23:20
  Speaker 6: So you can't be chatting away band to Panda banda,
• 23:22
  Speaker 6: watching the game, having a few beers at a local
• 23:24
  Speaker 6: partment and go by the way, oh, I need to
• 23:26
  Speaker 6: tell you something. Pick your moment. Yeah, you've got to
• 23:28
  Speaker 6: be safe. And they look around and gore, we what's
• 23:30
  Speaker 6: happened to here?
• 23:31
  Speaker 5: Yeah? What?
• 23:32
  Speaker 6: Well?
• 23:32
  Speaker 5: I thought we were just fucking around all of a sudden.
• 23:35
  Speaker 6: It's like, at the end of that conversation, you say, hey,
• 23:38
  Speaker 6: can we have a coffee this week? It's something I
• 23:40
  Speaker 6: really want to talk to you about, and you're absolutely
• 23:42
  Speaker 6: right about showing some vulnerability yourself. And as soon as
• 23:45
  Speaker 6: you say some vulnerability, people go, I know exactly what
• 23:48
  Speaker 6: you mean. Actually, I wouldn't mind talking to you about that.
• 23:50
  Speaker 6: You've built the safety for them to have that conversation.
• 23:54
  Speaker 6: So I keep talking about and I'm working on a
• 23:58
  Speaker 6: keynote at the moment about leading with vulnerables. How do
• 24:00
  Speaker 6: you lead with vulnerability rather than walk away from it,
• 24:03
  Speaker 6: which is what certainly your parents have been taught and
• 24:06
  Speaker 6: maybe some of you guys too in your thirties, certainly
• 24:10
  Speaker 6: fifty six, I'm like, oh, vulnerability or I don't want
• 24:13
  Speaker 6: to show that weakness.
• 24:14
  Speaker 5: Nah, that's actually not a weakness, it's a strength.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: Is that we had the idea for the boys don't cry.
• 24:20
  Speaker 6: Yeah, so basically boys don't cry, and then we'd slash
• 24:24
  Speaker 6: through the NT so it's boys do cry. I just
• 24:27
  Speaker 6: love kids, and I loved being a dad when the
• 24:30
  Speaker 6: kids were particularly small, like sort of at many many
• 24:34
  Speaker 6: sort of kids three four, five, six, Yeah, pretty much.
• 24:38
  Speaker 5: Where our mental.
• 24:42
  Speaker 6: And I also realized, after eight years of doing gotcha,
• 24:45
  Speaker 6: we've just started a primary school's program. So anyone listening
• 24:49
  Speaker 6: here that have kids at primary school and you want
• 24:51
  Speaker 6: your primary school to be a mentally fit primary school
• 24:54
  Speaker 6: and have that stamp at the front.
• 24:56
  Speaker 5: Get involved because it won't cost the school anything.
• 24:59
  Speaker 6: It's a fully funded program where we want to get
• 25:02
  Speaker 6: the kids, the parents, and the teachers and all the
• 25:05
  Speaker 6: staff mentally fit.
• 25:07
  Speaker 5: I start having those.
• 25:08
  Speaker 6: Discussions like, you know, if you have your five veggies
• 25:10
  Speaker 6: and your fruits and stuff that'll make you better, Well,
• 25:12
  Speaker 6: what are the exercises for the emotional muscle?
• 25:15
  Speaker 5: And that is more important than anything.
• 25:18
  Speaker 6: And we are basically told by people that are emotional muscle,
• 25:22
  Speaker 6: especially boys, it's turned off at a rudy young age
• 25:24
  Speaker 6: and it can be just falling in the playground and
• 25:27
  Speaker 6: one of the older kids calling you a name and
• 25:29
  Speaker 6: you go, oh, that's obviously not behaved you were allowed
• 25:31
  Speaker 6: to do, and we just turn it off and blokes
• 25:34
  Speaker 6: are in their thirties, forties and fifties now trying to
• 25:36
  Speaker 6: turn it back on again.
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: Gussie, I feel like you're very modest, so I'm going
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: to give you a compliment. I'm sure you're not going
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: to want to take it, but it's really incredible to
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: see the work that you're doing and you're like, fuck,
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: if only do are more gusses in this world, but
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: your dedication to such an amazing cause is awesome.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: So well done.
• 25:53
  Speaker 6: Thank you, Maddie. I appreciate that. If you said that
• 25:55
  Speaker 6: to my wife, who who is equally in this whole thing, she's.
• 26:01
  Speaker 5: English, right, she deflect stuff.
• 26:03
  Speaker 6: I will accept that because it is bloody hard work,
• 26:06
  Speaker 6: soak it up and it's nice to hear that from you.
• 26:10
  Speaker 6: But like you celebrate for a New York minute, I
• 26:12
  Speaker 6: don't know if you guys know what a New York
• 26:13
  Speaker 6: minute is, but it's basically the time that the traffic
• 26:16
  Speaker 6: lights go from red to green and the first honk
• 26:19
  Speaker 6: of the horn, right, So that's a real short amount
• 26:22
  Speaker 6: of time. Like we've had the last two years, a
• 26:24
  Speaker 6: slight decrease in suicide, like forty three people, and you think,
• 26:28
  Speaker 6: oh forty three people in three thousand, say hey, forty
• 26:31
  Speaker 6: three people, and families and communities and clubs haven't been
• 26:35
  Speaker 6: affected this year, and then we were last year. So
• 26:37
  Speaker 6: we're going to celebrate that, But then we realize that
• 26:40
  Speaker 6: it's the number one way to die if you're a
• 26:41
  Speaker 6: young Australian male or female fifteen to forty four is suicide.
• 26:45
  Speaker 6: So we're not accepting it. But we're saying we're on
• 26:49
  Speaker 6: the right track.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: You were talking about Vicki and we had to stop
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: you before we record it, actually because you're talking about
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: how you and Vicki Matt Yeah, and we were.
• 26:59
  Speaker 5: Like, wow, this is good, this is good, this is good.
• 27:02
  Speaker 6: What was his name, Roger Roger.
• 27:06
  Speaker 5: We not talk about Roger.
• 27:08
  Speaker 6: So what happened was I went on a gap year
• 27:10
  Speaker 6: to England nineteen eighty seven, and I had a girlfriend
• 27:14
  Speaker 6: and I loved this girl, been with her all the
• 27:17
  Speaker 6: way through like year eleven and twelve, and she was
• 27:20
  Speaker 6: going to France to do she'd done four unit French
• 27:22
  Speaker 6: school and she wanted to go and live in France
• 27:25
  Speaker 6: because that's a proper way of learning rather than through
• 27:27
  Speaker 6: a book. And by the time I saw her at
• 27:30
  Speaker 6: the Easter break, I'd broken up with her because I
• 27:34
  Speaker 6: knew I was in love with this other girl.
• 27:35
  Speaker 5: But this other girl had this boy called Roger who
• 27:38
  Speaker 5: was her boyfriend, and her name was Vicky.
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: Roger.
• 27:44
  Speaker 6: Actually, Roger's a really nice.
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: As I'm saying that, I'm like, he's probably like.
• 27:51
  Speaker 6: Rogerunt of the podcast to be listening in. And anyway,
• 27:59
  Speaker 6: they went out and had been going out for years right,
• 28:02
  Speaker 6: So I just sort of, you know, it's fair enough.
• 28:04
  Speaker 6: And then Vix came out to Australia and he came
• 28:07
  Speaker 6: out with her, so it's a bit annoying. And then
• 28:09
  Speaker 6: they broke up on their bigs like six week trip through.
• 28:13
  Speaker 6: You know, I want you going home, see you mate,
• 28:21
  Speaker 6: So I did that and then Vix and I. Nothing
• 28:23
  Speaker 6: ever happened, but it just stuck in my mind and
• 28:26
  Speaker 6: all my friends said, look, it's obvious that what's going on.
• 28:29
  Speaker 5: Here and blah blah blah. So three years later.
• 28:32
  Speaker 7: Three years yeh.
• 28:33
  Speaker 5: So I wrote her once a week for three years,
• 28:35
  Speaker 5: like aerograms, which is you look.
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: It's basically a smoke signal.
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: Well, I saw a sky ride other day and I
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: was like, old school.
• 28:55
  Speaker 5: Well, this is really old school.
• 28:56
  Speaker 6: So it's it's a bit of paper you got from
• 28:58
  Speaker 6: the post office.
• 29:00
  Speaker 5: You.
• 29:02
  Speaker 6: Know, post officer, and you're right on it, and then
• 29:04
  Speaker 6: it folds into an envelope and then that gets sent by.
• 29:08
  Speaker 5: The stamp.
• 29:10
  Speaker 6: On the stand, the STA stamp get the and I
• 29:16
  Speaker 6: used to send those and Vix has still got them.
• 29:18
  Speaker 6: In fact, they're in our garage. I saw them the
• 29:19
  Speaker 6: other day. So I send one a week every week
• 29:22
  Speaker 6: and she'd send maybe one every couple of months, right,
• 29:26
  Speaker 6: So she was very much sort of like that that's
• 29:28
  Speaker 6: in Australia.
• 29:30
  Speaker 5: I was definitely like, let's.
• 29:31
  Speaker 7: The equivalent of double text message?
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, more like maybe eight and I did that
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: with my wife, so I'm with you.
• 29:40
  Speaker 5: We'll play.
• 29:41
  Speaker 6: So eventually I went to England and asked her to
• 29:44
  Speaker 6: marry me the night that I first saw her, the
• 29:47
  Speaker 6: first night I saw her, so it.
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: Was it was like it was a letter a letter
• 29:52
  Speaker 4: relationship up until that point, just all letters.
• 29:55
  Speaker 5: That's right after after knowing each other for two years.
• 29:58
  Speaker 5: Hang on a.
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: Second, I've just got I've got to pull you up
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: on something. I always thought, who are these people out
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: there who are asking someone to marry them without at
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: least like testing the waters their maniacs?
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: You're that person, I'm.
• 30:12
  Speaker 5: That person, but Vicki is not because she told me
• 30:14
  Speaker 5: to fuck off.
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: Okay, so smart.
• 30:16
  Speaker 6: So all this big build up fly a Heathrow gets
• 30:20
  Speaker 6: the bloody trained a bath and then the badger line
• 30:23
  Speaker 6: buffs from bath to Wells walked into the public at
• 30:27
  Speaker 6: at lunchtime. She's on a UNI breaks, so she's working
• 30:30
  Speaker 6: the bar to pay off her UNI loan and I
• 30:33
  Speaker 6: walked straight up to her, chatting Da Da Da, and
• 30:36
  Speaker 6: she goes, I'm working till three, then we'll go into
• 30:38
  Speaker 6: town and whatever.
• 30:39
  Speaker 5: And then that night she's back working again.
• 30:41
  Speaker 6: So I just sat and of course I knew people
• 30:43
  Speaker 6: because I've been at that school, so I knew some people,
• 30:46
  Speaker 6: so got drunkards are skunk And then we said, all right,
• 30:48
  Speaker 6: we're going to go to this nightclub in Shepton Mallet.
• 30:51
  Speaker 5: Don't ever go to Shephar Mallet if you've give them
• 30:53
  Speaker 5: the opportunity.
• 30:54
  Speaker 6: And about three in the morning, you know, of course
• 30:56
  Speaker 6: I've got through jet lag. I was buzzing again and
• 30:59
  Speaker 6: said the reason I'm here is because I want to.
• 31:02
  Speaker 5: Marry you, and she was just like fuck off.
• 31:06
  Speaker 6: And the next morning I heard her on the phone
• 31:08
  Speaker 6: or her mum's saying, Guss is here. He asked me
• 31:10
  Speaker 6: to marry him, and then there was a big silence,
• 31:11
  Speaker 6: which I imagine her mum's going.
• 31:13
  Speaker 5: What a fucking idiot.
• 31:15
  Speaker 6: I always told you that guy, he's got a good heart,
• 31:18
  Speaker 6: but he's fucking Is he the one.
• 31:20
  Speaker 5: That was every week? Yeah, that's talker guy.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: What about Roger?
• 31:26
  Speaker 5: But you're thinking about Roger?
• 31:27
  Speaker 6: Yeah, but there was another guy at YUNI, which I
• 31:29
  Speaker 6: found out later was hovering and anyway, so Vix was sensible.
• 31:33
  Speaker 6: She goes, well, hey, I've always it's obvious that we've
• 31:36
  Speaker 6: always had, you know, a little spark.
• 31:38
  Speaker 5: So I'll tell the bloke.
• 31:40
  Speaker 6: At UNI that we're not going to start and let's
• 31:43
  Speaker 6: have a crack you and I and I went, that
• 31:45
  Speaker 6: sounds good.
• 31:46
  Speaker 5: So she went back to Plymouth.
• 31:47
  Speaker 6: I drove down every Wednesday in the fruit van from
• 31:50
  Speaker 6: the pub and we basically spent about a month or
• 31:55
  Speaker 6: so before She then said to me one night, I
• 31:57
  Speaker 6: actually do want to marry you, like I actually I've
• 32:00
  Speaker 6: been in love with you for all that time and
• 32:02
  Speaker 6: I just needed to have a little bit of like,
• 32:05
  Speaker 6: you know, just some sort of like a kiss, so
• 32:12
  Speaker 6: she went.
• 32:13
  Speaker 5: So then we said a long engagement.
• 32:15
  Speaker 6: She had two years left at UNI, so when we
• 32:17
  Speaker 6: have two years in her first year as a teacher,
• 32:19
  Speaker 6: so that's three year engagement. That's a good you know,
• 32:22
  Speaker 6: If we're still mates after that, then let's go. If not,
• 32:25
  Speaker 6: well say well it's it is what it is. And
• 32:28
  Speaker 6: as I said, today is thirty years.
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: Wow, that's a beautiful story. That's a good story.
• 32:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we met at a pub once and then then
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: we got married and it was like fuck you.
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: Literally walked up and said, I'll just marry you.
• 32:41
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and she told me to fuck off. Yes, pretty much.
• 32:44
  Speaker 6: Great conversation become more and more similar.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: As your brother is a screenwriter, Yeah.
• 32:53
  Speaker 5: Yes, I don't know. That's a good point, Like come on,
• 32:58
  Speaker 5: come on, Steve, sure that to me?
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: Screams like Matt and I would like a cameo in that.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: Movie The Bar.
• 33:07
  Speaker 5: You could play me, like back in the day, you must.
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: Have been really handsome.
• 33:12
  Speaker 5: You have to lose.
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: We're very keen to talk about life with teenage kids
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: because Ash and I are trying to figure out what
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: we have in store for ourselves.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: But before we do that, what.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: Was it like that transition to becoming a dad. Was
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: it something that you hit the ground and running.
• 33:31
  Speaker 5: No, definitely not. I was so excited.
• 33:33
  Speaker 6: So Vix and I had eight pregnancies for our three kids,
• 33:36
  Speaker 6: so we lost twins sort of midway through teen weeks,
• 33:41
  Speaker 6: We've told people. So that was really difficult, and then
• 33:43
  Speaker 6: we couldn't get pregnant for a little while.
• 33:46
  Speaker 5: I didn't know that and it's and it's really you
• 33:49
  Speaker 5: don't talk about it until someone mentions it and then
• 33:51
  Speaker 5: you go, actually me too, or yeah, you know, vulnerability
• 33:55
  Speaker 5: happens a lot, and then you feel like you've got
• 33:58
  Speaker 5: permission to talk about it.
• 33:59
  Speaker 6: That's the great thing about what I'm doing got your
• 34:01
  Speaker 6: life is we need to give guys per mission to
• 34:03
  Speaker 6: talk about.
• 34:04
  Speaker 4: Because Woodsy said the same thing, your close friend Woodsy Yeah,
• 34:07
  Speaker 4: because he went through a couple of miscarriages too.
• 34:10
  Speaker 7: In the and felt like you couldn't talk about it
• 34:12
  Speaker 7: in the change room.
• 34:13
  Speaker 4: And then when he did talk about it, some of
• 34:15
  Speaker 4: the other players came out and said, we lost one too,
• 34:18
  Speaker 4: and it's crazy that mentioning it. People then going up,
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: you have given me the net, You give me the net.
• 34:26
  Speaker 5: The permission and all exactly.
• 34:27
  Speaker 6: So when I remember Victory, I was, I was drinking
• 34:31
  Speaker 6: like Chinese potions and all this stuff. And then if
• 34:34
  Speaker 6: she had I'd come home to try the fertility yeah
• 34:38
  Speaker 6: to whatever, you know, and I went and did.
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: She was poisoning you in an Eastern medicine way, which
• 34:44
  Speaker 4: is play on.
• 34:46
  Speaker 6: And so basically we then eventually won't go through that
• 34:49
  Speaker 6: story too much, but we got pregnant, and then Jack
• 34:52
  Speaker 6: arrived and the excitement was incredible, you know, healthy baby boy,
• 34:58
  Speaker 6: absolute champion, huge, massive melon.
• 35:01
  Speaker 5: Everyone loved him.
• 35:02
  Speaker 6: He was just this little nugget who he just smile
• 35:06
  Speaker 6: at everyone. He used to eat and just be happy.
• 35:09
  Speaker 6: But I found it hard to find my place. I
• 35:13
  Speaker 6: would come home, I was all excited, and as soon
• 35:15
  Speaker 6: as I sort of picked him up, he was like
• 35:17
  Speaker 6: my man.
• 35:18
  Speaker 5: He was sort of going towards mum. So it took
• 35:21
  Speaker 5: me a little while.
• 35:22
  Speaker 6: And I believe me talking about being vulnerable, I wasn't
• 35:26
  Speaker 6: vulnerable with my mates. I would say everything was awesome,
• 35:28
  Speaker 6: because that's what I meant to say, But actually what
• 35:30
  Speaker 6: I was thinking was is what's my place here? What's
• 35:33
  Speaker 6: my Vix got her role, she's nailing it, and I'm
• 35:37
  Speaker 6: just this big bullfeed that doesn't seem to know what
• 35:39
  Speaker 6: he's doing. Until Vix came up with the idea of
• 35:42
  Speaker 6: like when you get home, you do the bath, you
• 35:44
  Speaker 6: do the shower, you do the dry in, put the
• 35:47
  Speaker 6: cream on the just make him all snuggled and then
• 35:51
  Speaker 6: bring him down for me for his last feed before
• 35:53
  Speaker 6: he goes to bed. I had something to do, you know,
• 35:55
  Speaker 6: and I got good at it, you know, And I
• 35:57
  Speaker 6: created a space for us to have fun. And I
• 36:01
  Speaker 6: remember being in a bath and Jack just sitting on
• 36:03
  Speaker 6: my chest and he just felt for the first time,
• 36:06
  Speaker 6: I felt he wants to be with me. And then
• 36:09
  Speaker 6: there's some times I went, it's taken in the shower
• 36:11
  Speaker 6: now and see if the shower goes on his you know,
• 36:13
  Speaker 6: the water going down his face, and he'd go.
• 36:16
  Speaker 5: But he liked it, and I'd take him out of
• 36:18
  Speaker 5: it and back in and he'd giggle.
• 36:20
  Speaker 6: And then I found this nice comfy towel and brought
• 36:24
  Speaker 6: ten of them to make sure that we always had
• 36:26
  Speaker 6: one not in the wash, and I would just wipe.
• 36:28
  Speaker 5: Him down and blah blah blah.
• 36:29
  Speaker 6: And get him ready and then bring him down to
• 36:31
  Speaker 6: Vix and I was like forty five minutes.
• 36:33
  Speaker 5: Ah, it was the best.
• 36:35
  Speaker 6: And now if you ask my kids, they would all
• 36:39
  Speaker 6: say that there's no doubt they absolutely adore. We adore
• 36:43
  Speaker 6: each other, you know, there's no way around that. And
• 36:47
  Speaker 6: they can tell us stuff that probably a lot of
• 36:50
  Speaker 6: kids don't tell their parents, and Vix and I are
• 36:52
  Speaker 6: super proud of that. How do you get there by
• 36:56
  Speaker 6: being authentic and real and not blowing smoke up their ass?
• 37:00
  Speaker 6: And a lot of parents muck it up through the
• 37:03
  Speaker 6: times when the kids are a bit rebellious and stuff.
• 37:05
  Speaker 6: They are so much their own parents that they end
• 37:09
  Speaker 6: up talking nonsense to their kids because their kids are
• 37:12
  Speaker 6: growing up in a world that is so different to
• 37:14
  Speaker 6: the world that mum and dad grew up in. So
• 37:16
  Speaker 6: just take a moment and listen and ask the question,
• 37:20
  Speaker 6: this is how I feel?
• 37:21
  Speaker 5: You tell me how you feel, rather than what are
• 37:23
  Speaker 5: you doing? You're a disgrace. I told you not to
• 37:25
  Speaker 5: do this.
• 37:26
  Speaker 6: You're ground and all this this, this is what happened
• 37:30
  Speaker 6: twenty thirty years ago. So you've got to learn what
• 37:32
  Speaker 6: world the kids are in now. And parents aren't great
• 37:36
  Speaker 6: listeners as in general.
• 37:37
  Speaker 4: I worry like I for me, like we were saying,
• 37:40
  Speaker 4: our kids is still quite young. You've got how old
• 37:43
  Speaker 4: you're youngest?
• 37:44
  Speaker 5: Now? Twenty one?
• 37:46
  Speaker 6: Wow, she's just arrived in Whistler, doing you know a season?
• 37:51
  Speaker 6: You know our little one where empty nest is last Tuesday?
• 37:54
  Speaker 6: Last Thursday? Yeah, wow, good week.
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: In see I see teenage and I've.
• 38:00
  Speaker 4: Got a boy, my elder and I'm worried because I
• 38:02
  Speaker 4: see all these teenagers now down the shops and they're dickheads.
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: And I was a dickhead. And it's like, how did
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: you were you a dickhead?
• 38:12
  Speaker 5: Really?
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 38:13
  Speaker 5: You were?
• 38:13
  Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, I was the typical teenager where I got arrested.
• 38:18
  Speaker 7: I did dumb ship.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: I know if that's typical, bro is it?
• 38:21
  Speaker 5: Okay?
• 38:22
  Speaker 7: Anyway?
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: Teenager where I would burn a house down and still like, you.
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: Know what, that was my thing.
• 38:30
  Speaker 4: The question I'm getting to is when you had your
• 38:32
  Speaker 4: eldest is a boy too, like through that teenage hood?
• 38:35
  Speaker 7: Like, do you have any any advice for me?
• 38:39
  Speaker 3: And Matt sure, Like I'm the only thing I worry about.
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: I don't know why.
• 38:44
  Speaker 5: Well a lot to not be a dickhead. Yeah, yeah,
• 38:48
  Speaker 5: Well telling him that you're a dickhead is a really
• 38:50
  Speaker 5: good start.
• 38:50
  Speaker 6: Okay, you know that's easy, but at the time, that's right. Say, hey,
• 38:56
  Speaker 6: you're a part of me. This is what I didn't start.
• 38:58
  Speaker 6: I want you to learn from from me. This is
• 39:01
  Speaker 6: some of the stuff that i't doesn't mean you can't
• 39:03
  Speaker 6: have fun and push the boundaries, but hey, learn it
• 39:07
  Speaker 6: from me. Blah blah blah. And that's a really good
• 39:09
  Speaker 6: way to start. You. Leading with vulnerability with him is
• 39:12
  Speaker 6: really cool. I remember I have not always nailed it,
• 39:17
  Speaker 6: believe me. And having someone like Vicky who's the school
• 39:19
  Speaker 6: teacher smart completely is brilliant for me, So I'm the
• 39:24
  Speaker 6: fun side.
• 39:24
  Speaker 5: She's a bit more of the serious and whatever. So
• 39:26
  Speaker 5: we got a good combo.
• 39:28
  Speaker 6: But I remember Jack coming home from Bally Boys, which
• 39:30
  Speaker 6: is you drive past Bally Boys, it looks like Shawshank Redemption.
• 39:33
  Speaker 5: It does.
• 39:34
  Speaker 6: But the school was absolutely brilliant for Jack, and it's
• 39:36
  Speaker 6: still continually brilliant. I got a great head master and
• 39:39
  Speaker 6: everything worked out well. But I just had these preconceived
• 39:41
  Speaker 6: ideas of high schools. My son should go to a
• 39:44
  Speaker 6: private school, and all the beers right.
• 39:46
  Speaker 5: So we go.
• 39:48
  Speaker 6: One day, Jack comes home and he's got these little
• 39:50
  Speaker 6: markings on his hand, and there was seventeen of them.
• 39:53
  Speaker 6: I said, one of those markings goes I wrote down
• 39:56
  Speaker 6: every time someone called me a name today.
• 39:58
  Speaker 5: So he's having a really bad day.
• 40:00
  Speaker 6: And then he got in his head about it, so
• 40:01
  Speaker 6: he said, I'm going to mark it down when they
• 40:03
  Speaker 6: call me a Dickey oly Sh.
• 40:04
  Speaker 5: It's terrible to hear that as a dad. So I'm
• 40:07
  Speaker 5: just like, I mean, you'll never go to that school again.
• 40:10
  Speaker 5: They're bullying you, and blah blah blah. And I was
• 40:12
  Speaker 5: on radio at the time. I had to do a
• 40:13
  Speaker 5: piece on the triple in Themorrow Morning bag and that
• 40:15
  Speaker 5: teacher and that, you know, or just going nuts.
• 40:18
  Speaker 6: Right by the time my wife got home, I got
• 40:20
  Speaker 6: him into the local Saint Augustins, which was the local
• 40:24
  Speaker 6: sort of poshi school on the beaches.
• 40:26
  Speaker 5: And that was that. And I hadn't asked Jack what
• 40:30
  Speaker 5: he really wanted.
• 40:31
  Speaker 6: I just got ahead of did it because that's what
• 40:33
  Speaker 6: I did, because I fixed stuff.
• 40:34
  Speaker 5: I'm a fixer.
• 40:35
  Speaker 6: Yeah, and then Vis came home and said, slow down,
• 40:38
  Speaker 6: let's ask Jack what he wants. An hour later, she's
• 40:41
  Speaker 6: ringing the school saying he is coming back. You're not
• 40:44
  Speaker 6: going to that school. Jack's happy again, and it's all good.
• 40:47
  Speaker 6: And then she went to the school with Jack the
• 40:49
  Speaker 6: next morning, explained it went through, it all worked out,
• 40:52
  Speaker 6: that kid's a dickhead, brought that kid in, his parents
• 40:54
  Speaker 6: came in, didn't realize that kid was a dickhead. Everyone
• 40:57
  Speaker 6: sort of worked it all out, and eventually that kid
• 40:59
  Speaker 6: got expelled.
• 41:00
  Speaker 5: Thank God for Vicky. That's right. I say that all
• 41:03
  Speaker 5: the time. I literally say that all the time.
• 41:04
  Speaker 6: And there's times where she goes to me, Ah, you know,
• 41:07
  Speaker 6: sometimes I feel like I don't know my spot because
• 41:12
  Speaker 6: mum's in particular and your your partners will go through this.
• 41:15
  Speaker 6: You've definitely got a role and then all of a
• 41:17
  Speaker 6: sudden that role changes and it takes a while to
• 41:19
  Speaker 6: work it out.
• 41:20
  Speaker 5: And Vix has definitely had that.
• 41:23
  Speaker 6: But now she realizes that, you know, every time she
• 41:26
  Speaker 6: opens her mouth faced, kids are listening and they're getting
• 41:28
  Speaker 6: information in.
• 41:29
  Speaker 5: There, like she's awesome.
• 41:31
  Speaker 6: And she works at Gotcha too now, so she's she's
• 41:33
  Speaker 6: teaching a whole lot of kids about mental fitness and
• 41:36
  Speaker 6: young girls speaking, you know, with being authentic and real.
• 41:40
  Speaker 4: I think it's also yeah, important you mentioned there to
• 41:42
  Speaker 4: listen to what your kid wants because at that age,
• 41:45
  Speaker 4: like five year olds, we've got now sometimes if someone
• 41:48
  Speaker 4: said to me, listening to what your kid wants, they'll
• 41:50
  Speaker 4: be he's like, I want to monster truck. But if
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: it's a fifteen year old, sixteen year old, they can
• 41:56
  Speaker 4: articulate well then, and.
• 41:58
  Speaker 5: Well a ten or eleven year.
• 41:59
  Speaker 4: Old and he's marked down that someone's called your name.
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: And he also had the guts to tell you. Yeah,
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: he could have been like, asked nothing.
• 42:05
  Speaker 5: That's all.
• 42:06
  Speaker 6: Yeah, we could have just rubbed that off with yeah,
• 42:09
  Speaker 6: he actually came up, and I remember it so well
• 42:11
  Speaker 6: because I was doing Brecky Radio, so I used to
• 42:13
  Speaker 6: have like little like midday little sleep because I was
• 42:17
  Speaker 6: that's sod all the time. And then I and then
• 42:22
  Speaker 6: he came up and he just lay on Vicky's side
• 42:24
  Speaker 6: of the bed.
• 42:24
  Speaker 5: I remember it so well, and I said, oh, what
• 42:26
  Speaker 5: are those markings? Mate? What's that? What's that about?
• 42:27
  Speaker 6: And he told me and he was quite didn't show
• 42:30
  Speaker 6: a lot of emotion. He cried and that's when I
• 42:32
  Speaker 6: lost it.
• 42:32
  Speaker 5: And then with an hour visits ordered it all out again.
• 42:36
  Speaker 6: It's another one of those learning things for me, plus
• 42:39
  Speaker 6: doing the Man Up program. We actually took the cameras
• 42:42
  Speaker 6: into Jack School and we had like twenty kids sitting
• 42:45
  Speaker 6: there and I was watching it on the little monitor
• 42:47
  Speaker 6: in another room, and I watched twenty kids that I've
• 42:49
  Speaker 6: known since under six soccer all being emotional within fifteen
• 42:53
  Speaker 6: or twenty minutes, like literally just a little graze and
• 42:56
  Speaker 6: it was happening. And I realized realized these boys are
• 42:59
  Speaker 6: just little time bonds and they don't know how.
• 43:01
  Speaker 5: To talk about it. Suppressed so much, suppressed it all
• 43:04
  Speaker 5: the time, press it down.
• 43:05
  Speaker 4: I remember as a teenager and I wasn't having a
• 43:08
  Speaker 4: really good something just wasn't. I was sick a few
• 43:11
  Speaker 4: times in a row and my friends were out doing something,
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: and I remember like I got to the point my
• 43:16
  Speaker 4: mum was like, why don't you go? And I just
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: and I for some reason, I just broke down and
• 43:21
  Speaker 4: I felt like I'd suppressed so much emotion that eventually
• 43:24
  Speaker 4: I when as soon as someone scratched the surface.
• 43:27
  Speaker 5: I was like fuck, like yeah, and it was mum, right,
• 43:29
  Speaker 5: So you felt Yeah.
• 43:30
  Speaker 3: I felt safe.
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: But like if like you were saying, like they switch
• 43:34
  Speaker 4: off their you know, their.
• 43:36
  Speaker 6: Emotional muscle, yeah, like, because that's that's going to protect them, right.
• 43:40
  Speaker 6: So I'm that type of boy, you know, if I
• 43:42
  Speaker 6: climb trees and I do stuff and I'm the star
• 43:45
  Speaker 6: and the sports team, and I don't take school too
• 43:47
  Speaker 6: seriously because that's sort of frowned upon if that's what
• 43:50
  Speaker 6: I'm meant to be, and in fact, it's complete nonsense.
• 43:54
  Speaker 6: And that doesn't mean that we burst into tears every
• 43:56
  Speaker 6: five minutes or have big, deep in meaningfuls all the time.
• 43:58
  Speaker 6: But to be able to have that skill is incredible,
• 44:01
  Speaker 6: and that's what we're trying to build at the moment.
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: Climb trees and cry.
• 44:05
  Speaker 5: Yeah you can.
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: Essentially you can be crying.
• 44:09
  Speaker 5: Because you might go, oh shit, this is really scary.
• 44:11
  Speaker 5: But I'm going to have a crack and do it.
• 44:12
  Speaker 6: Like we stop kids doing so much now that perhaps
• 44:15
  Speaker 6: we got up to you know, whether you know in
• 44:18
  Speaker 6: prison or not, I've.
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: Got a question. I don't know if this is going
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: to make sense. So you're gonna have to bear with
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: me for a second.
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: Sure, when I.
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: Think about my role as a parent with my girls,
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: I kind of think that I have a responsibility to
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: try and steer them in a certain direction, help them
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: along the way, and try and introduce to them what
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: their passion would be. Maybe they're going to be an
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: amazing painter, amazing singer. But what if they never find
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: that passion? What if they never cross paths with what
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: their interests are? And I struggle with knowing or trying
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: to find that balance of like allowing them to find
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: their own path and then trying to steer them in
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: a direction where they can get a taste with certain things.
• 45:00
  Speaker 5: Let go, Let go, I reckon.
• 45:01
  Speaker 6: The greatest thing you can do is let your kids
• 45:04
  Speaker 6: go and do what they want to do and make mistakes.
• 45:06
  Speaker 5: And so forth.
• 45:07
  Speaker 6: So from our point of view, we had Ella who
• 45:09
  Speaker 6: just went I'm going back to England, you know, and
• 45:11
  Speaker 6: she she didn't really know what.
• 45:12
  Speaker 5: She wanted to do.
• 45:13
  Speaker 6: She ended up in a modeling agency and she looks
• 45:15
  Speaker 6: after the boys on the modeling agency Select.
• 45:17
  Speaker 5: Models, good chiven right. She was just told just don't
• 45:21
  Speaker 5: kiss any of the boys, you know.
• 45:23
  Speaker 6: But these boys, and you know they're a bit hopeless,
• 45:26
  Speaker 6: you know they need to be. You know, here's your
• 45:28
  Speaker 6: cab charge, here's your flight. I'm not going unless Ella go.
• 45:31
  Speaker 6: So Ella gets on the flone, gets them to the hotel,
• 45:34
  Speaker 6: gets them to the shoot or whatever it might be,
• 45:37
  Speaker 6: and she's found her feet. But she had no idea,
• 45:39
  Speaker 6: no idea, went to England, just thought I want to
• 45:41
  Speaker 6: have a crack. Abby took ages. She left secondary school
• 45:46
  Speaker 6: at the end of year nine. She did year ten
• 45:48
  Speaker 6: at Tafe and then she went to a boy and
• 45:51
  Speaker 6: girls school co ed school year eleven and twelve and
• 45:54
  Speaker 6: just went to another level. Found friends. Boys don't accept
• 45:57
  Speaker 6: girls being dicks. So it all mellowed when.
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: She goes, I'm going to leave school year nine.
• 46:03
  Speaker 6: Well, she came back from school. I was sitting on
• 46:05
  Speaker 6: the sofa and she was in tears. Come off the bus.
• 46:09
  Speaker 6: I said, what's going on? She goes, this is what
• 46:11
  Speaker 6: I'm in the day that da I said, get your
• 46:12
  Speaker 6: school uniform off and get everything that's got that badge
• 46:16
  Speaker 6: and put it into a big bag, like one of
• 46:19
  Speaker 6: those big black bags you'd use for gardening. I said,
• 46:22
  Speaker 6: put your laptop, your powerpoints, your power cords, the whole bit,
• 46:25
  Speaker 6: anything to do with that school. Whack it in a bag.
• 46:28
  Speaker 6: And she did.
• 46:28
  Speaker 5: She came out. I said, let's go.
• 46:30
  Speaker 6: So we drove back up to the school and I
• 46:32
  Speaker 6: was like Santa with it over my shoulder, remember it
• 46:34
  Speaker 6: so well. I parked in the head my head mistress'
• 46:36
  Speaker 6: spot because I couldn't be bothered driving. It was right
• 46:39
  Speaker 6: where I wanted to be, so I thought, I'm driving
• 46:40
  Speaker 6: in there. I got out. She said, I said, come
• 46:42
  Speaker 6: with me. I went, plucked the whole load of shit
• 46:45
  Speaker 6: on her on the reception of the school and said,
• 46:47
  Speaker 6: my daughter will never come back here again. Do not
• 46:50
  Speaker 6: send me a bill. And I walked out and Abby
• 46:52
  Speaker 6: was there and she was low. Gave a little nod
• 46:56
  Speaker 6: and we drove back. By the time we got back,
• 46:58
  Speaker 6: the head and mississ had rung and I actually thought
• 47:01
  Speaker 6: straight away I parked in a spot, so she was
• 47:03
  Speaker 6: pissed off, but actually she was real She was fanning
• 47:05
  Speaker 6: him and she goes, what's the story, Gus, and I said, well,
• 47:07
  Speaker 6: this is what happened.
• 47:08
  Speaker 5: She goes, no worry, she understood. Yeah. Abby found it
• 47:13
  Speaker 5: hard to find the right balance.
• 47:14
  Speaker 6: She was sporty and also one of the good looking girls,
• 47:17
  Speaker 6: so she just never found her right spot.
• 47:21
  Speaker 5: And then she, like I said, finished off year ten.
• 47:24
  Speaker 5: I remember this Bay. He actually looked a bit like
• 47:26
  Speaker 5: you with the tats.
• 47:27
  Speaker 6: And all and stuff, with handsome you sort of boy
• 47:29
  Speaker 6: next door, handsome.
• 47:32
  Speaker 5: With a dart with a dark driving.
• 47:37
  Speaker 6: I used to to I used to love it dropping
• 47:40
  Speaker 6: her off from Taithe because he was like twenty three
• 47:42
  Speaker 6: doing his apprenticeship on something, and I was like, what
• 47:45
  Speaker 6: is going on? But it's like, just let her lead her,
• 47:49
  Speaker 6: let her just feel safe when she's with us. And anyway,
• 47:53
  Speaker 6: she's bumbling and fumbled and found a way. Now she's
• 47:55
  Speaker 6: happy as she's ever been in Canada. She's worked herrass off,
• 47:58
  Speaker 6: she's got saving, she's gone great. So my suggestion always
• 48:02
  Speaker 6: is to be there for support and when you're.
• 48:05
  Speaker 5: Asked a question answer the question stuff.
• 48:08
  Speaker 6: But basically, just make every time they ring you or
• 48:11
  Speaker 6: think of you, they think of you as a safe
• 48:13
  Speaker 6: place that they can talk to you about absolutely anything.
• 48:17
  Speaker 5: Don't be the dad that when they ring you, because
• 48:19
  Speaker 5: they'll do it.
• 48:19
  Speaker 6: There's problem, it's going to be issues, whatever it might be,
• 48:22
  Speaker 6: and they don't feel they can ring you because you're
• 48:24
  Speaker 6: going to be upset with them.
• 48:26
  Speaker 5: That would be my suggestion. It's worked for us.
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: So I remember putting a hole in the wall when
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: I was like eight, and I remember I would always
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: go to mum and go, fuck, this is this is
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: the situation. How do we solve this? And she would
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: be disappointed. But I always remember a zero fear going
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: to my mum with the problem. She's upstairs listening probably
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: right now, Mum. So I think that's like the best
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: advice is you. You don't want them to try and
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: do things behind your back like that. It would be
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: just you know, if my kids were ever in that
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: situation where they didn't feel they could come to me, God,
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: it would break my heart.
• 48:59
  Speaker 6: What happened in your if that happens, what happens what's
• 49:02
  Speaker 6: happened in your life with your daughters that have made
• 49:05
  Speaker 6: them think that they can't come to you, you know
• 49:08
  Speaker 6: what I mean. That that's that's that's the path you're
• 49:10
  Speaker 6: about to go on. So don't be that guy that
• 49:12
  Speaker 6: puts obstacles in the way to stop that.
• 49:15
  Speaker 5: You want that not to ever happen.
• 49:17
  Speaker 6: So to be the type of that doesn't mean you
• 49:19
  Speaker 6: can be walked over all the time, doesn't mean you
• 49:20
  Speaker 6: haven't got your boundaries.
• 49:22
  Speaker 5: But at the end of the day, they want to
• 49:24
  Speaker 5: love you. You're you're you're their father. They've got teachers
• 49:27
  Speaker 5: to teach other stuff. You'll teach them the basics.
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: Of course, Lola kind of hates me.
• 49:31
  Speaker 4: It's a real Yeah, it's a real fine line between
• 49:34
  Speaker 4: I don't know, it's kind of like a bit of
• 49:36
  Speaker 4: like it's like a really good leadership trait that people
• 49:39
  Speaker 4: will follow you, but then also be honest with you,
• 49:41
  Speaker 4: you know what I mean, and like we you know,
• 49:45
  Speaker 4: you do fall into what your parents to do because
• 49:47
  Speaker 4: that's all you've really been, You've really been taught we
• 49:51
  Speaker 4: need to change.
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure, it's bloody heart.
• 49:54
  Speaker 6: It's buddy hard being a male and a female. It's
• 49:57
  Speaker 6: buddy hard being a boy and a girl. It's really
• 49:59
  Speaker 6: really hard. If you you're not quite sure where you are.
• 50:01
  Speaker 6: And if you've got the DNA and you've got all
• 50:03
  Speaker 6: this practice stuff, you need to actually stop and go.
• 50:05
  Speaker 5: Oh. You know, people say, oh, I'm starting to sound
• 50:08
  Speaker 5: like my mum and dad. Well that's what we're doing,
• 50:11
  Speaker 5: because that's what's DNA. You've really got to stop doing that.
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: You definitely outdated, that's for sure.
• 50:17
  Speaker 6: Oh, because this world's a very different place to the
• 50:19
  Speaker 6: world that your mum and dad grew up in.
• 50:20
  Speaker 5: Certainly what.
• 50:23
  Speaker 6: Sort of the next generation above you, even just those
• 50:25
  Speaker 6: mobile phones is enough to make a huge difference.
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: Do you stop worrying now that they've flown the nest?
• 50:31
  Speaker 5: Never stop worrying?
• 50:33
  Speaker 6: Like, you know, Vic Steel gets the phone calls and
• 50:36
  Speaker 6: stuff like. There was a breakup amongst one of them
• 50:39
  Speaker 6: the other day, a bit too raw to talk about it.
• 50:41
  Speaker 6: Which one, But you know, it's just disappointing. You don't
• 50:44
  Speaker 6: want your kids to be sad. But you know, mid twenties,
• 50:47
  Speaker 6: you know, early twenties, this is a time to.
• 50:49
  Speaker 5: Experiment, right, and have a bit of a crack or whatever.
• 50:51
  Speaker 6: So I always I suppose I feel now that my
• 50:56
  Speaker 6: three kids can come to vix or I and between
• 50:59
  Speaker 6: the two two of us, we can work that stuff out. Like,
• 51:02
  Speaker 6: I'm big on building the village, right, So I had
• 51:05
  Speaker 6: the kids Godfather's. They said, oh, one of the kids
• 51:08
  Speaker 6: rang them the other day and asked me that, And
• 51:10
  Speaker 6: I'm like, that's so awesome.
• 51:12
  Speaker 5: Some dads would go, why are you talking to me?
• 51:14
  Speaker 6: You've got to take all that ego out and go,
• 51:15
  Speaker 6: I've built this village of people that they feel comfy around.
• 51:19
  Speaker 5: I'm glad they're using them, you know, I'm glad they're
• 51:21
  Speaker 5: having fun with them.
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: We always end on the question of what do you
• 51:24
  Speaker 2: want your kids to remember the one thing after they've
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: flown the nest and now that you're in that position
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: right now where your house is empty, If there was
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: one thing you would like them to remember and talk
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: about when they think of yourself and Vicky, what would
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: it be?
• 51:39
  Speaker 6: I think with me, I would love them to say
• 51:43
  Speaker 6: that Dad was kind. Yeah, Dad was kind.
• 51:46
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 51:47
  Speaker 6: I think that would be the coolest compliment anyone could
• 51:49
  Speaker 6: give me, Like just it's just a nice, big, kind,
• 51:51
  Speaker 6: big cuddly bear time. You know, Ella sentis I haven't
• 51:57
  Speaker 6: got my phone right here now, but she sent me
• 51:59
  Speaker 6: a I think the Spotify bringing out like a year
• 52:04
  Speaker 6: the rap at the moment, and and she had this
• 52:08
  Speaker 6: song and she goes, I have that song because you
• 52:10
  Speaker 6: gave me that song.
• 52:11
  Speaker 5: And I don't even know the name.
• 52:12
  Speaker 6: It's like a techno he sort of, but it's like
• 52:14
  Speaker 6: a you can't help it sort of if I put
• 52:17
  Speaker 6: her on here for twenty seconds, you would all be
• 52:19
  Speaker 6: sort of like joined ourselves very happy.
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: About the glow sticks.
• 52:22
  Speaker 6: And she goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, and she just said,
• 52:25
  Speaker 6: that reminds me of you, dad.
• 52:27
  Speaker 5: So that was a really lovely king.
• 52:29
  Speaker 6: And I just came off radio after sixteen years and
• 52:32
  Speaker 6: I had a little tributes they put in, you know
• 52:35
  Speaker 6: it as part of packages and stuff, and you know,
• 52:38
  Speaker 6: Abby came on first, then Jack, Danella and Vix and
• 52:42
  Speaker 6: the four of them. I was just absolutely lost at
• 52:44
  Speaker 6: like just what unexpected. I didn't know that happened. And
• 52:48
  Speaker 6: to get my son to do anything like that was amazing.
• 52:51
  Speaker 6: And you could tell that he was sort of doing
• 52:53
  Speaker 6: it on the way on the tube, you know, to
• 52:55
  Speaker 6: work in London, but it was just the fact what
• 52:58
  Speaker 6: he said, and I'm just like, oh, we've done good. Yeah,
• 53:02
  Speaker 6: we've done good. But that doesn't mean it. There's plenty
• 53:04
  Speaker 6: of times we've gone, oh my god, I don't know
• 53:06
  Speaker 6: if this is going to work out. But the stuff
• 53:09
  Speaker 6: I've learned doing got your full life really helped because
• 53:12
  Speaker 6: I just I wasn't such a helicopter pairent.
• 53:14
  Speaker 5: After that, I really gave.
• 53:16
  Speaker 6: Them there there's space to be able to go off
• 53:19
  Speaker 6: and do what they need to do.
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: We say we don't give advice, but I am spun
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: just soaking up. You're a great man, great dad.
• 53:28
  Speaker 5: Thank you.
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: Shed be incredibly proud.
• 53:30
  Speaker 6: I am incredibly proud, and you guys have done so well.
• 53:33
  Speaker 6: You're both good mates having a crack.
• 53:35
  Speaker 5: I love it.
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: I can't stand them, lots and.
• 53:37
  Speaker 5: Lots of like I've never haven't met your partner, but
• 53:41
  Speaker 5: I've met.
• 53:42
  Speaker 6: Your partner Maddie, and she's obviously fantastic and doing her
• 53:45
  Speaker 6: own thing too. It's not easy, you know, being in
• 53:48
  Speaker 6: the spotlight like you guys are and bringing up kids
• 53:51
  Speaker 6: and stuff. So the first real thing I'd say is
• 53:54
  Speaker 6: just give yourself a bit of a break, you know, and.
• 54:00
  Speaker 5: Food brea next year.
• 54:01
  Speaker 6: But it's like we need to throw away perfect. That's
• 54:04
  Speaker 6: the best advice that anyone because just we're throwing away
• 54:07
  Speaker 6: perfect and We can look perfect on socials and all
• 54:10
  Speaker 6: that sort of stuff, but at the end of the day,
• 54:11
  Speaker 6: what happens here, you know, just between the four walls
• 54:14
  Speaker 6: and a family. If you're kind and you're having a
• 54:17
  Speaker 6: crack and you're trying to do the right thing, that's enough,
• 54:19
  Speaker 6: you know, Like it's bloody, bloody hard. So one thing
• 54:22
  Speaker 6: we can do so easily, and they give us no
• 54:24
  Speaker 6: bloody proper.
• 54:24
  Speaker 3: Manuals exactly, you know.
• 54:26
  Speaker 6: And every kid's different too, like something that for your
• 54:28
  Speaker 6: son that I might have done a jack may not work,
• 54:30
  Speaker 6: and with your daughters you might go. Well, I tried
• 54:33
  Speaker 6: that and that didn't work, because they were all little,
• 54:35
  Speaker 6: beautiful little.
• 54:36
  Speaker 5: Things, individual things.
• 54:37
  Speaker 6: And I used to say to Vicks if she went
• 54:40
  Speaker 6: out and I was looking after the kids, as long
• 54:42
  Speaker 6: as they're breathing when you get home, you should be
• 54:45
  Speaker 6: happy with me. Like she said to me once, no
• 54:48
  Speaker 6: bad food, no stupid decisions. She was going away for
• 54:51
  Speaker 6: a three day trip anyway, So we wrang her from
• 54:54
  Speaker 6: the pizza hut.
• 54:55
  Speaker 5: We then rang her from the dog kennel.
• 54:57
  Speaker 6: And then the third thing is we were having an
• 54:59
  Speaker 6: ice cream with the dog in the back of the
• 55:01
  Speaker 6: gap and I said don't tell me what to do, Gussie.
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: You've got an anniversary to get to. Yes, huge, congrats
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: once again for the next thirty years. Thanks Maddie of
• 55:12
  Speaker 2: Happy Perfect. I'm sure there was never a dull moment.
• 55:16
  Speaker 5: Never a dull moment hasn't been perfect.
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: Well done, and thanks so much for the chat.
• 55:20
  Speaker 4: Thanks man, Thanks and just quickly thank you for sixteen
• 55:23
  Speaker 4: years on the air in our ears. Congratulations and wish
• 55:26
  Speaker 4: you the best of luck with gotcha yeah and the
• 55:29
  Speaker 4: future of that.
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: I can't wait to see. Thanks mate, what happens? And
• 55:32
  Speaker 3: thanks again for coming on.
• 55:33
  Speaker 5: It's a pleasure. Thanks boys, Matt.
• 55:38
  Speaker 7: It's been a while since we've had a dad that
• 55:40
  Speaker 7: is just a few.
• 55:41
  Speaker 3: Steps ahead of us.
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: Makes me nervous.
• 55:44
  Speaker 3: Youngest twenty two.
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: That feels like an absolute lifetime away that my little
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: my kids are going to be that old.
• 55:50
  Speaker 4: If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review,
• 55:53
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  Speaker 2: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
• 56:38
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• 56:42
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• 56:44
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• 56:47
  Speaker 4: people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadagle Land