Latest / The You Project / #1615 Commitment Issues - Harps & Tiff

Transcript

#1615 Commitment Issues - Harps & Tiff · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: Tiffany ankle Crag Anthony Harp of the Bloody You Project.
0:03
Speaker 1: It's us, It's it's Thursday. I've been in the Wars.
0:07
Speaker 1: I've been attacked by a bloke with a knife, not
0:10
Speaker 1: even kidding, or i'd less attacked more surgically treated. I've
0:14
Speaker 1: got shit cut off everywhere. I've got stitches in my face,
0:18
Speaker 1: I've got stitches in my arm. I'm showing Tiff, which
0:20
Speaker 1: is not a very good medium, or not a very
0:23
Speaker 1: good idea when you're on an audio medium. But you know,
0:28
Speaker 1: big Boy Wars high Tiff, you are.
0:30
Speaker 2: In the Wars. A little bit of surgical enhancement, well,
0:34
Speaker 2: a little bit of wish, a little wish.
0:37
Speaker 1: We've had the conversation about my fucking honker. I did say, look,
0:41
Speaker 1: while you're cutting skin cancer out of my face, and
0:44
Speaker 1: look you've got the scalpel out, if you could just
0:47
Speaker 1: take a smidge off the old fucking ski ramp, that
0:49
Speaker 1: would be good.
0:50
Speaker 2: But you know they've left that ride alone. And do
0:52
Speaker 2: you know why?
0:54
Speaker 1: Why's that?
0:54
Speaker 2: Because of that zinc cream you run around with on
0:57
Speaker 2: your nose all the time.
0:59
Speaker 1: Well, I have this zinc cream that one of my
1:02
Speaker 1: friends put me onto two of my friends Kim and
1:05
Speaker 1: Gary aka Buffy and Kim. I'm looking for my pen
1:09
Speaker 1: and this is like the if I ever told you
1:13
Speaker 1: about my you know, because Gillespo's anti sunscreen, right yeah,
1:19
Speaker 1: and because of all the oils, and it might might
1:21
Speaker 1: stop you from getting something, or it might not or
1:24
Speaker 1: it might kill you from nine other cancers according to him. Anyway,
1:27
Speaker 1: I've got this sunscreen. So it's a tube like the
1:31
Speaker 1: shit I used to buy. It's like nine gallons for
1:34
Speaker 1: a dollar thirty five at the supermarket, so look probably
1:36
Speaker 1: not high quality. And the one that I'm getting that
1:42
Speaker 1: Kim and Buffy put me onto is it's like a
1:46
Speaker 1: tube of toothpaste like that size. It's forty bucks, but
1:51
Speaker 1: it's it's it's all natural and you can it's actually edible,
1:56
Speaker 1: not that you'd want to eat it, but it's actually edible.
1:59
Speaker 1: That is well, I don't know I could go. What
2:03
Speaker 1: I might do is if anyone's interested. And it feels
2:06
Speaker 1: amazing when you put it on your skin. It feels
2:08
Speaker 1: like it doesn't just feel like oily shit just on
2:11
Speaker 1: your skin. It feels that I don't say shit like this,
2:14
Speaker 1: but it feels like I don't know it feels like
2:16
Speaker 1: it's nourishing, feels like it's food for your skin.
2:19
Speaker 2: But anyway to know what that would like? Some of that?
2:22
Speaker 1: And yes, I've been to the doctor this morning or
2:25
Speaker 1: this afternoon, no, this morning, late this morning, and he
2:27
Speaker 1: cut off some skin cancers and it's always good waiting
2:31
Speaker 1: for the results. Like you cut this thing off my chin,
2:35
Speaker 1: which you know what's like, Let's say you've got something
2:38
Speaker 1: that's I don't know the size of a freckle, like
2:42
Speaker 1: a match stick head or two match stick heads. You know,
2:45
Speaker 1: it's like it's little, like the size of a pee.
2:49
Speaker 1: But then they cut out something that's the size of
2:51
Speaker 1: a fucking golf ball because they've got to clear the
2:53
Speaker 1: borders and then they've got to go from your chin
2:56
Speaker 1: basically up to your fucking prefrontal cortex to make sure
3:01
Speaker 1: they get it all. I'm like and like under this
3:07
Speaker 1: stupid looking a band aid, it's all bruised and shit,
3:12
Speaker 1: I know I sound like a big baby, and I
3:14
Speaker 1: am a big baby. So that there are people with
3:16
Speaker 1: way moss problems than me.
3:18
Speaker 2: It is shocking how much they do have to cut
3:21
Speaker 2: out for such a small thing. And isn't it interesting
3:24
Speaker 2: how I don't know if this is you, but this
3:26
Speaker 2: is me. Like I had a little thing on my
3:29
Speaker 2: nose and because I've had as the SCC on my
3:31
Speaker 2: face before they got whipped out, kept touching my nose, going, oh,
3:35
Speaker 2: that's definitely that'll be one ese bloody. I'll better go
3:37
Speaker 2: get that caught up. That's going to need cutting off.
3:39
Speaker 2: That's going to be a skin cancer. But it's just little,
3:42
Speaker 2: you know, like I've been thinking that for ages and
3:44
Speaker 2: then after you it that the skin dotor and then
3:47
Speaker 2: I went to get it checked, and then I was
3:49
Speaker 2: really nervous because it was like, now I'm going to
3:51
Speaker 2: be told. So it's like having the idea and thinking
3:53
Speaker 2: it is isn't really the belief.
3:59
Speaker 1: And I'm sure with doctors, I'm a big baby. I
4:01
Speaker 1: should be better. I don't know, I'm not. I just
4:05
Speaker 1: I'm the worst. Like I literally wait until things fall off,
4:10
Speaker 1: which I shouldn't. I'm better than I used to be,
4:14
Speaker 1: better than I used to be. But the first time
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Speaker 1: I went like I had something on my skin, and
4:19
Speaker 1: you know, like it looked nasty, and you know, by
4:22
Speaker 1: the time you get there, you go, well, I've got
4:24
Speaker 1: four weeks to live, So it's just a matter of
4:26
Speaker 1: what I do with the four weeks four gone conclusion.
4:29
Speaker 1: He's just going to go, yep, melanoma advanced, get your
4:32
Speaker 1: shit in order, say good body of folks, and maybe
4:35
Speaker 1: figure out, I don't know, do you have a will?
4:37
Speaker 1: You know? And then you go there. He's like, well,
4:40
Speaker 1: you've got some shit, but you're not going to die.
4:42
Speaker 1: And then I could have kissed him on the mouth.
4:45
Speaker 1: And then and then my sphinker finally relaxed after four
4:50
Speaker 1: weeks snapshot like a fucking vault. And then and then
4:57
Speaker 1: I continue to go back every six months for a
5:00
Speaker 1: long time. And then I don't think I've been since
5:03
Speaker 1: COVID and then I went like a week ago. He's like, hmm,
5:07
Speaker 1: you haven't been there for while, have you? I went no,
5:09
Speaker 1: He goes, you should come more of Like really, so I.
5:12
Speaker 2: Had him cut off before I go have to go yearly? Now?
5:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well I my old man's had I think
5:21
Speaker 1: it's in the family. So anyway, I had three things
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Speaker 1: cut off today. I'm going to go back next week,
5:25
Speaker 1: three more and then one final visit.
5:28
Speaker 2: Yes, how's this for cutting off your nose to spite
5:31
Speaker 2: your face? I last time I booked for my annual checkup.
5:35
Speaker 2: I wanted them to look at a couple of specific things,
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Speaker 2: and I can't remember what they did, but they look
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Speaker 2: I think they cut those off, and then they didn't
5:44
Speaker 2: do the full check. He goes, oh, you're two months early.
5:47
Speaker 2: And then I booked early because of these things you do.
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Speaker 2: You're two months early, so we won't do the full check.
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Speaker 2: And then I've got the ships and I was like, oh,
5:53
Speaker 2: so you charge me all that money to chop that out,
5:56
Speaker 2: but then you won't just have a quick look at
5:58
Speaker 2: everything else that takes four minutes. Want more money. So
6:01
Speaker 2: out of spite, I was like, well, I'm not coming
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Speaker 2: back in two months.
6:04
Speaker 1: Yeah. You showed him, yeah, yeah, yeah, you and your melanoma.
6:09
Speaker 1: You showed him. You fucked that guy. Yeah, well done, Tiff. Yeah.
6:14
Speaker 2: Tick one for you a Taurus.
6:17
Speaker 1: Can I just point out that at five minutes past three,
6:20
Speaker 1: how happy you are? And can I point out that
6:23
Speaker 1: at five minutes to three you are a complete fuck
6:26
Speaker 1: stick and angry fuck stick to me? And do you
6:29
Speaker 1: want to do you want to unpack that? Let's I
6:31
Speaker 1: think this is a good opportunity. I think this is
6:34
Speaker 1: a good opportunity for us to open the door a little,
6:38
Speaker 1: a little staff meeting, have a little staff meeting in
6:41
Speaker 1: front of everyone, maybe a little bit of therapy, and
6:44
Speaker 1: maybe you can just step into the vulnerability circle with
6:47
Speaker 1: our group and you can just just go hi, everyone.
6:51
Speaker 1: My name's Tiv. I get cranky. Okay, I've started you off.
6:56
Speaker 2: My name's Stiff. And I get cranky when Harps says
7:01
Speaker 2: to me, Hey, do you want to do a podcast later?
7:03
Speaker 2: And I say yes, and he's like, how about you
7:06
Speaker 2: interview me? You just yep, you just interview me and
7:09
Speaker 2: I won't know anything about it, and I'm like okay.
7:12
Speaker 2: And then I spend like ninety minutes in an absolute
7:17
Speaker 2: fucking state because I can't think of a conversation. I
7:21
Speaker 2: can't think of what to interview you about. And then
7:24
Speaker 2: I get all anxious. And then by the time I
7:27
Speaker 2: in money with you, I'm can but barely bluddy. Yeah.
7:31
Speaker 2: I wasn't very nice. I'm sorry, Ben, No.
7:33
Speaker 1: That's all right. I forgive you loved by Jumbo. It's
7:36
Speaker 1: all right, though. I see in you, I see your anxiety,
7:39
Speaker 1: and I see it is funny because you were because
7:42
Speaker 1: I so here we are everyone at three I six,
7:44
Speaker 1: we were going to jump on at three and have
7:46
Speaker 1: a chat. And at one point thirty Tiff rang me
7:49
Speaker 1: to say, you know, what's up? What's going on? A
7:51
Speaker 1: bit light on the scheduling this week? And I said, well,
7:55
Speaker 1: need to do something today because I did have a
7:57
Speaker 1: plan to plan fell through. So either I'm I'm going
8:00
Speaker 1: to do a solo. I'm just going to pick a
8:01
Speaker 1: topic and just bang on as I do a little
8:03
Speaker 1: bit of a freestyle mini workshop for the masses, or
8:06
Speaker 1: you and me could do something. And I said do
8:08
Speaker 1: you want to do one at three? And Tip said yep.
8:10
Speaker 1: I said, awesome. Why don't you just why don't you
8:13
Speaker 1: come up with an idea or some questions. I'll just say,
8:15
Speaker 1: don't tell me what it's about. And she goes okay,
8:21
Speaker 1: And then at three minutes to three, I jump on
8:24
Speaker 1: and fucking Captain Cranky's just got a bottom lip out.
8:29
Speaker 1: Fucking just shit energy. What is that about? Anyway?
8:33
Speaker 2: I think I did think to myself Omily to turn
8:36
Speaker 2: this around. You know when you get the shits like
8:38
Speaker 2: that and you're like, oh, I don't like being this nice.
8:40
Speaker 2: I'm not a nice person right now, but I don't
8:42
Speaker 2: really know how to get myself out of it. Wow,
8:45
Speaker 2: well we're out of it now.
8:48
Speaker 1: Can I just say that before you bang on? Yesterday
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Speaker 1: I went to I went down to Dalesford. Have you
8:55
Speaker 1: been to Dalesford in the last year or ten?
8:57
Speaker 2: No, I actually haven't been.
9:00
Speaker 1: It's such a nice joint. I know it sounds weird
9:02
Speaker 1: and it's like it's a bit it's a bit out
9:04
Speaker 1: there and hippie, but it's fucking beautiful. It's a beautiful
9:07
Speaker 1: place for people. Not that I saw that many, but
9:09
Speaker 1: the people I saw were lovely. I'm just trying to
9:12
Speaker 1: find it. I went to this joint called Hotel bellan Zona.
9:19
Speaker 1: Now I don't have any relationship with them, but let
9:21
Speaker 1: me tell you fancy, fark and fancy. And then underneath
9:25
Speaker 1: the hotel they have this cafe, which is to call
9:28
Speaker 1: it a cafe is really an understatement. It is just
9:31
Speaker 1: so beautiful and so fancy. And I did a gig
9:34
Speaker 1: for Buxton's from Mornington Peninsula. Buxton Mornington Peninsula and such
9:41
Speaker 1: a good group and it was funny because I don't know,
9:44
Speaker 1: did you see the thing? I know, we're just banging
9:46
Speaker 1: on here. Feel free to tune out everyone. Did you
9:49
Speaker 1: see the whiteboard that they had no. No, oh my god,
9:55
Speaker 1: don't look now because you'll get don't put your fucking
9:57
Speaker 1: phone down. No, put your fucking phone down. As soon
10:00
Speaker 1: as you do that, you're not present. You're not present.
10:03
Speaker 1: As soon as I do that, you always like zones out.
10:07
Speaker 1: So they had this whiteboard that's as big as like
10:09
Speaker 1: a seventy five inch TV screen. It's not a whiteboard.
10:13
Speaker 1: I don't know what's called. It's like the electronic equivalent
10:15
Speaker 1: of a whiteboard. And I don't know if the background
10:18
Speaker 1: changes color, but it was like this blue gray color
10:22
Speaker 1: and you write on it with your fingertip, so you
10:24
Speaker 1: literally write, you write whatever, and it comes up crystal
10:30
Speaker 1: clear in real time. You can draw with it. You
10:32
Speaker 1: can write, you can do, you can write shit over
10:34
Speaker 1: here over and you can actually hold say you write
10:38
Speaker 1: Craig Harper. You can put your hand on the screen
10:40
Speaker 1: and drag it so you can drag the words.
10:43
Speaker 2: Right.
10:45
Speaker 1: You can download so that there's I don't know how
10:48
Speaker 1: to I don't know how to do this, but it downloads.
10:50
Speaker 1: So say that I write, over the course of a
10:52
Speaker 1: day's workshop, I write twenty pages of shit. Right, you
10:57
Speaker 1: can download it so it's all been recorded. And then
11:01
Speaker 1: this is the best bit. Then you go to the bottom,
11:02
Speaker 1: you press a button and it cleans the screen instantly,
11:05
Speaker 1: So it clears the screen. It's just the best thing ever.
11:09
Speaker 1: All right, go and have a look. Now, have a look. Now,
11:12
Speaker 1: pick up and pick up your phone. So go into
11:15
Speaker 1: if you want to see everyone, it's this is not
11:17
Speaker 1: very exciting, but Craig Anthony Harper. So go in and
11:20
Speaker 1: then you'll see me in the group. And then just
11:22
Speaker 1: swipe across. So go into the latest post and then
11:27
Speaker 1: you'll see me looking like a like a fucking hookah.
11:31
Speaker 1: Look at how I'm sitting by the way. Yeah, but
11:35
Speaker 1: have a look at that, and wow, how good is that?
11:39
Speaker 2: It's like the human magna doodle. Remember the magna doodle?
11:42
Speaker 1: Well it is, but it's like yeah, yeah, So so
11:47
Speaker 1: it's my birthday next month. So if you could get
11:50
Speaker 1: all of our listeners together, if everyone can just donate
11:53
Speaker 1: a dollar, that'd be great, no pressure. We could start
11:57
Speaker 1: a go fund me for ups as new that's pretty cool.
12:01
Speaker 1: I'm only kidding everybody, but I do want one. I
12:03
Speaker 1: do want one of those. I don't need one, I
12:05
Speaker 1: definitely don't need one, but I want one.
12:09
Speaker 2: Definitely get one.
12:10
Speaker 1: I feel like I interrupted you. Were you about to
12:12
Speaker 1: open a conversational door?
12:14
Speaker 2: Oh? I can't remember. Now.
12:18
Speaker 1: What have you been up to today? Have you trained?
12:20
Speaker 1: If you walked your dog? Have you trained anyone? Have
12:22
Speaker 1: you produced any high quality content for the world.
12:25
Speaker 2: I've done all of those, all of the above. You
12:27
Speaker 2: know what I was just doing, which probably didn't help
12:30
Speaker 2: my mood. I was on the phone to my bank,
12:32
Speaker 2: who sent out a new card to me. But then
12:35
Speaker 2: I realized they've got some old address. And then when
12:38
Speaker 2: I told them about that, they canceled my card. That
12:41
Speaker 2: all ac all card accents, and I was like, oh
12:45
Speaker 2: my goodness. And then I had to ring to get
12:48
Speaker 2: and then all of the options about that topic just
12:52
Speaker 2: go to a thing that tells you how to do
12:54
Speaker 2: it online. I'm like, yeah, so that it helps. I
12:57
Speaker 2: spent a bit of time doing that. That was fun,
13:00
Speaker 2: A little bit of a walk in the sunshine with Luna,
13:02
Speaker 2: who needs to Did you know did you see my
13:05
Speaker 2: post about Luna?
13:07
Speaker 1: No? I did not.
13:08
Speaker 2: She has to.
13:09
Speaker 1: Luna, of course, is TIFF's dog, her daughter, one of
13:13
Speaker 1: her two daughters, the other one being Bear, the fucking
13:16
Speaker 1: psychopathic feline. But yes, the fucking the fucking that cat.
13:21
Speaker 1: All cats cunts, Let's just say it. She's a fucking
13:27
Speaker 1: that cat's a psycho. Yeah, what's the what's the go?
13:31
Speaker 1: Can you say? I'm sorry? What's what's going on with Luna?
13:38
Speaker 2: She's had a saw paw and I've been to the twice,
13:40
Speaker 2: and then the third time I took her in, they
13:42
Speaker 2: said she's got grizzy in her paw and the only
13:45
Speaker 2: option now is we're going to have to sedate her
13:48
Speaker 2: and cut it open. You can imagine having a saw
13:51
Speaker 2: paw and getting sedated after a little coachy. That's not
13:57
Speaker 2: on the top of my fun things to do list.
14:00
Speaker 1: Well, let's just to put the fifty percent of our
14:03
Speaker 1: audience who don't know the story and correct anything I
14:05
Speaker 1: get wrong. But TIFF's last happy child Coach, who was
14:12
Speaker 1: young and healthy and gorgeous, went in for a relatively
14:16
Speaker 1: minor operation and didn't really come out, well, didn't come out,
14:20
Speaker 1: and that was very obviously unexpected. She wasn't old, she
14:24
Speaker 1: wasn't sick, and so I would imagine you going just
14:27
Speaker 1: even just you going back to the VET would be
14:30
Speaker 1: somewhat traumatizing.
14:31
Speaker 2: I'm pretty good now I go to a different VET now,
14:33
Speaker 2: so I'm pretty and they're pretty good. So I was like, oh,
14:36
Speaker 2: does it have to be a poor that saw? And
14:38
Speaker 2: do we have to sedate her? Mmm?
14:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I think she'll be fine. What did
14:44
Speaker 1: you say is in it? Did you say grizz grit? Oh? Grit?
14:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, which is wrapped?
14:51
Speaker 1: She'ld be absolutely She'll be absolutely fine.
14:55
Speaker 2: That some pretty cool shoes, though that you've seen those.
14:59
Speaker 1: No, I have not got I haven't really been online
15:02
Speaker 1: a whole lot.
15:03
Speaker 2: You need to get on it, bro. My dog's I'll
15:05
Speaker 2: put a picture up in the typ group.
15:08
Speaker 1: I've been busy. My man's been a bit crook. I
15:10
Speaker 1: was kind of bragging about how great my dad was
15:13
Speaker 1: doing a couple of weeks ago. He's training at the
15:15
Speaker 1: gym three times and you don't speak too soon. He's
15:18
Speaker 1: all right, but he had a little procedure. We won't
15:21
Speaker 1: open the door too wide. But he had a procedure
15:23
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago, and that's required that put
15:27
Speaker 1: him in hospital for three days. It was meant to
15:29
Speaker 1: be one, you know, and then you know what's catch
15:32
Speaker 1: twenty two with the older people, Like he's eighty five
15:35
Speaker 1: now and he was going he was training three days
15:37
Speaker 1: in the week a week at the gym, once by himself,
15:39
Speaker 1: once with Josh the EP and once with Fatty Harps.
15:44
Speaker 1: And since he's gotten a crook, right, so he spent
15:49
Speaker 1: a lot of the last two weeks, like a lot
15:52
Speaker 1: either lying or sitting. And what happens boys and girls,
15:57
Speaker 1: especially when you're old, when you spend somewhere around twenty
16:01
Speaker 1: three and a half hours a day maybe more, to
16:03
Speaker 1: be honest, either sitting on your bottom or lying in
16:06
Speaker 1: a bed. The muscle that you do have, which is
16:09
Speaker 1: not significant, balls off your body and it's And then
16:16
Speaker 1: on top of that, right, at least, don't talk to
16:19
Speaker 1: my dad about this anyone who knows my dad. But
16:22
Speaker 1: then on top of that, you know, obviously he's in
16:26
Speaker 1: a bit of pain. He's walking not great now because
16:30
Speaker 1: he's you know. And then on top of that is
16:31
Speaker 1: a bit flat because he's his recovery is slower than
16:36
Speaker 1: it was hoped it would be from the op and
16:38
Speaker 1: all of these things, right, and then then you chuck
16:41
Speaker 1: in that you know Mum is waiting on him, hand
16:43
Speaker 1: and for it, and then she's a bit anxious because she's,
16:46
Speaker 1: oh god, and it's like every time am I oversharing
16:51
Speaker 1: at the moment, it's just too much if it is,
16:54
Speaker 1: if it is, tune out everyone. But every time the
16:58
Speaker 1: phone rings and it's Mum myself, right, I'm like, oh,
17:02
Speaker 1: because I just especially if it's a certain time of
17:07
Speaker 1: the day, like if it's like Mum rings at typical times,
17:10
Speaker 1: if she rings at an atypical time, I just jump
17:14
Speaker 1: to some terrible assumption or conclusion.
17:17
Speaker 2: But anyway, it's interesting how those little things wear down
17:21
Speaker 2: on you though, right.
17:23
Speaker 1: Well, and also when you want to be you know,
17:26
Speaker 1: there's only like we talk about, it's easy to talk about.
17:31
Speaker 1: You know, where's my mind, where your mind is, That's
17:33
Speaker 1: where your emotions are, that's where your energy is, that's
17:35
Speaker 1: where your body is, control your controllables, and all of
17:38
Speaker 1: that is true. All of that is true. And I
17:41
Speaker 1: still try to be cognizant of that and not to
17:43
Speaker 1: waste energy on things I can't control. But when you
17:48
Speaker 1: love someone a lot, you know, like I love my
17:51
Speaker 1: mum and dad like everyone or most people love their
17:54
Speaker 1: mum and dads. I think most, Yeah, there's that, you know.
17:59
Speaker 1: Like I've said before, it gets to a point where
18:01
Speaker 1: you kind of become the dad, or you become a
18:04
Speaker 1: version of the parent where you've got to look after them,
18:06
Speaker 1: protect them, if not, make decisions for them, make decisions
18:10
Speaker 1: with them, and you know. Yeah, and so in the
18:16
Speaker 1: middle of all of that turning up like I sometimes
18:20
Speaker 1: like I was talking to Mum on the way to
18:22
Speaker 1: Dalsford yesterday before I did this gig, and so I
18:25
Speaker 1: had to present at about three point thirty at Dalesford.
18:29
Speaker 1: And at about three point fifteen I was on the
18:31
Speaker 1: phone with Mum and it wasn't you know, it wasn't terrible.
18:35
Speaker 1: But I got off the phone and I just love
18:37
Speaker 1: Mum and I love you know, I want her to
18:40
Speaker 1: be okay, and I worry that. You know, Mum's fucking
18:43
Speaker 1: three feet tall and eighty five in a minute and
18:46
Speaker 1: just a human dynamoe. But she she she worries about
18:50
Speaker 1: everyone and everything and she takes all that on. And
18:54
Speaker 1: I was about fifteen minutes away from presenting and I
18:57
Speaker 1: had to I had to drag my self out of it.
19:02
Speaker 1: I had to go. I realized I cannot, I cannot
19:07
Speaker 1: be in this energy, I cannot be in this headspace.
19:12
Speaker 1: And so I just got out of the car and
19:14
Speaker 1: went for a walk and then I connected with Nicole,
19:16
Speaker 1: who organized the gig, and we and I, you know,
19:18
Speaker 1: and by the time or maybe it was twenty five
19:20
Speaker 1: minutes before, but by the time I started, I was
19:23
Speaker 1: in a good place. But I thought, you know, like
19:25
Speaker 1: when you do, like even with this podcast, right, you know,
19:31
Speaker 1: you have to not manufacture it, but you have to
19:35
Speaker 1: try to genuinely get yourself in a better place so
19:38
Speaker 1: that you can so that Yeah, well, you know, but
19:41
Speaker 1: I mean, imagine if you had brought that energy into
19:45
Speaker 1: because we had a plan, and the plan was you
19:47
Speaker 1: were going to do whatever, and then you were you
19:49
Speaker 1: didn't feel great, which is cool, You're human, and I go,
19:51
Speaker 1: all right, scrap that plan. And I could see the
19:54
Speaker 1: relief come over you. I could see the anxiety drain
19:57
Speaker 1: out of your body, and I went, don't worry about it.
19:59
Speaker 1: We'll just bang on. But yeah, it's for me. I tried.
20:04
Speaker 1: This sounds weird, but when I'm doing, especially yesterday was
20:07
Speaker 1: a two hour workshop. The people were fucking great. I
20:11
Speaker 1: got a message before, which is really nice and I
20:14
Speaker 1: don't mean sound bragging at bragst, but I just loved it.
20:17
Speaker 1: And Nicole sent me a message and said virtually everyone
20:23
Speaker 1: said the highlight of the two days was the session
20:26
Speaker 1: with you, and I'm like, that is so nice. And
20:29
Speaker 1: I try to and I don't always do it. Obviously.
20:32
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm a fucking four out of ten. Sometimes I'm
20:34
Speaker 1: a nine point nine. And it varies, and I think
20:37
Speaker 1: I'm more consistent that I used to be than I
20:39
Speaker 1: used to be. But I really try in the moment
20:43
Speaker 1: to be completely totally present. So I'm not thinking about
20:49
Speaker 1: the drive home. I'm not thinking about Mum or Dad.
20:51
Speaker 1: I'm not thinking about my you know, going and get
20:54
Speaker 1: my skin cut tomorrow. I'm not I'm just fully immersed
20:58
Speaker 1: in the moment. And I've really been proactively and consciously
21:05
Speaker 1: practicing that more. This morning, I had, I'll shut up
21:09
Speaker 1: after this because I know you're ready. She keeps, she
21:14
Speaker 1: keeps card and talk sorry, and I bang on. But
21:16
Speaker 1: this morning I had. I had a coffee with Phil,
21:20
Speaker 1: a friend of mine. I call him Pastor Phil because
21:22
Speaker 1: he's a pastor. He's been a pastor of churches for
21:25
Speaker 1: most of his adult life and he's not doing that
21:28
Speaker 1: at the moment. He's doing other stuff, but I still
21:30
Speaker 1: call him past Phil anyway. And he's just a very loving,
21:35
Speaker 1: generous person, and you know, He's one of those people
21:39
Speaker 1: where he will talk about you and let you talk
21:42
Speaker 1: about you for an hour. And I'm very cognizant of that.
21:45
Speaker 1: And I went in not trying to be strategic, but
21:49
Speaker 1: just be aware. And I said to myself, don't fucking
21:51
Speaker 1: talk about yourself today, like you talk about yourself too much.
21:54
Speaker 1: Shut the fuck up. And so we just sat down
21:57
Speaker 1: and he talked about his stuff and what's going on,
22:00
Speaker 1: and I asked him questions and it was great. We're
22:02
Speaker 1: now together. And about the forty minute mark, he goes,
22:04
Speaker 1: that's enough about me, what about you? And I go,
22:07
Speaker 1: fuck me, it's all about you today, and I said,
22:10
Speaker 1: I don't really have a lot of new stuff, so
22:12
Speaker 1: let's just and we just and it was really nice.
22:15
Speaker 1: It was nice to consciously be present for someone else
22:20
Speaker 1: and not to wait for a gap in the conversation
22:23
Speaker 1: and not to turn it around and then go, oh yeah,
22:26
Speaker 1: but listen to you know. And that's something that I
22:30
Speaker 1: used to be terrible at it. I used to be terrible,
22:34
Speaker 1: but it's something I've really worked out over the last
22:38
Speaker 1: you know, ten or twenty years. Obviously, I'm not very
22:40
Speaker 1: good at it on a podcast because I'm not fucking
22:43
Speaker 1: shutting up, but in that situation, being able to be
22:46
Speaker 1: fully present and just let whatever's going to happen happen. Yeah,
22:50
Speaker 1: I think it's something that for me, I've really had
22:52
Speaker 1: to work on. I'm getting better at.
22:54
Speaker 2: How do you how do you honor that? How do
22:58
Speaker 2: you honor that in yourself, that ability to actually care
23:03
Speaker 2: and share and get what you need in support? Right,
23:07
Speaker 2: let's look at because you're an independent, single only child
23:12
Speaker 2: with parents who live two hours away, So this is massive, Like,
23:16
Speaker 2: of course you feeling like this is absolutely expected, and
23:23
Speaker 2: so how do you, aside from just being busy or
23:28
Speaker 2: getting being really present in the stuff you do, when
23:32
Speaker 2: do you allow or how do you allow yourself to
23:34
Speaker 2: share in a way that actually lets you feel good
23:38
Speaker 2: and okay and not feel like you're burdening anyone or
23:41
Speaker 2: have you not mastered that?
23:45
Speaker 1: Okay? That is a very multilayered question. I think that
23:50
Speaker 1: doing this right now is therapeutic for me. So there's
23:54
Speaker 1: no persona here, Like, there's no pretending, there's no bullshit,
23:57
Speaker 1: Like everything I'm talking about is reel raw. You know,
24:01
Speaker 1: we talk about public you, personal you, private youth, secret you.
24:04
Speaker 1: This is as close to private you as I would
24:08
Speaker 1: get in a public forum, so I'm not really holding
24:11
Speaker 1: anything back. Look, I this is a tiny bit complicated,
24:18
Speaker 1: but I'll answer as honestly as I can. This is
24:24
Speaker 1: going to sound negative. I don't mean it too, but
24:26
Speaker 1: I truly don't believe that there are that many people
24:31
Speaker 1: in my world who care that much about how I'm traveling.
24:35
Speaker 1: I think there are some people, but I have a
24:39
Speaker 1: long history of relationships with people who want something from me.
24:44
Speaker 1: And that might sound like I feel sorry for me.
24:46
Speaker 1: I absolutely don't. I'm very grateful. I think I'm privileged.
24:51
Speaker 1: But the amount of people who ring me and go,
24:55
Speaker 1: is there anything I can do for you? Are you okay?
24:57
Speaker 1: Do you want any help? Not many and not often.
25:01
Speaker 1: And I'm not resentful. I'm not mad at anyone, and
25:06
Speaker 1: so it doesn't. It doesn't. It's not that I I'm
25:12
Speaker 1: dysfunctional to the point that I can't talk to people.
25:15
Speaker 1: I absolutely can. I'm doing it right now, But I
25:20
Speaker 1: don't know. I think I've kind of trained myself to not,
25:24
Speaker 1: you know, not to be dependent on that. If it comes,
25:28
Speaker 1: it comes, and it's lovely if someone you know and
25:31
Speaker 1: there's this is also you can tell this as unscripted,
25:37
Speaker 1: everyone going Yeah. Also, I think there's this, you know,
25:43
Speaker 1: there's this people who actually genuinely, really fucking care, and
25:48
Speaker 1: then there's people who think they should ring, and they'll
25:51
Speaker 1: do that for three days because of something, and then
25:54
Speaker 1: they won't do it anymore. And it's like, you know,
25:58
Speaker 1: friends of mine that have gone through deep, deep, deep shit,
26:01
Speaker 1: and you know, somebody has died or somebody something bad
26:04
Speaker 1: has happened, and then everyone gives him a lot of
26:08
Speaker 1: attention for a short amount of time and then it
26:10
Speaker 1: goes away, Like for example, with Johnny, who you know,
26:14
Speaker 1: who I train, he got overwhelmed with attention and sympathy
26:18
Speaker 1: and cards and people bringing meals when he had his accident,
26:22
Speaker 1: which was six years ago, and six years later, I
26:25
Speaker 1: still see him three days a week and I still
26:27
Speaker 1: love him, and I've been talking to him today and
26:29
Speaker 1: messaging him and not seeing him tonight, but I'm seeing
26:32
Speaker 1: him tomorrow. And I try to be that, you know,
26:35
Speaker 1: like more than fair weather friend. I feel like I'm digressing,
26:39
Speaker 1: but yeah, I'm happy to be vulnerable and open. But
26:43
Speaker 1: I truly don't think that many people, not that they
26:47
Speaker 1: don't care. I just think most people, really it's it's
26:52
Speaker 1: like yeah that, ah, okay, cool, that's enough now, you know. Yeah,
26:58
Speaker 1: like there are and I'm not include you in this
27:00
Speaker 1: so you don't need things. He's talking about me. But
27:03
Speaker 1: there have been people over the years, a lot of
27:05
Speaker 1: people I only hear from them when they need something,
27:09
Speaker 1: like a lot like you know people that would go,
27:13
Speaker 1: oh yeah, Craig and I mates. I'm like, okay, I'm
27:16
Speaker 1: okay with that, but we're not. We're not. It's because
27:20
Speaker 1: you know, you only reach out to me when you
27:22
Speaker 1: need something or something's broken or something's wrong and you
27:24
Speaker 1: need me to intro you to someone or fix something
27:28
Speaker 1: or resolve a problem or help you. And I love
27:31
Speaker 1: helping people, so I don't mind. But to me, that's
27:34
Speaker 1: you know, the Crab and I are awesome friends. Vinn
27:37
Speaker 1: and I awesome friends, Greg and I awesome. You know,
27:40
Speaker 1: there's there's a bunch of people in my world who
27:44
Speaker 1: that they're no matter what friends, you know. Yeah, yeah,
27:48
Speaker 1: Which I don't mean that sound negative because it's not.
27:50
Speaker 1: And it's also remember we spoke about that book that
27:53
Speaker 1: I've mentioned too many times, Bad Therapy by Abigail Streier.
27:58
Speaker 1: It's like the other thing is for me personally, sometimes
28:04
Speaker 1: if I'm going through shit, what I need to do
28:06
Speaker 1: is sit in that shit and work through it myself,
28:09
Speaker 1: and I come out the other side pretty good. But
28:13
Speaker 1: for a lot of people that would not be a
28:14
Speaker 1: good strategy, and for me, talking about what I'm feeling
28:19
Speaker 1: isn't always the answer either. So I think, like with
28:24
Speaker 1: you know, managing your emotions and your mind and your
28:27
Speaker 1: mental health, like everything, there's no three step protocol that
28:31
Speaker 1: is appropriate or relevant or optimal for the myriad of
28:36
Speaker 1: different people that listen to this show.
28:39
Speaker 2: For example, how often and when I ask this, I
28:43
Speaker 2: ask it because it's something I've thought about and worked
28:46
Speaker 2: through in my own world. And I'm not saying it's
28:48
Speaker 2: what's happens with you, But how often do you think
28:55
Speaker 2: we are responsible in how our relationships play out? That
29:00
Speaker 2: sounds simpler than I'm trying to ask it, Like, I
29:04
Speaker 2: feel like I had a lot of similar styles of
29:08
Speaker 2: relationships in the past where people have walked away or
29:11
Speaker 2: I've worked like I've been one walk away really easily.
29:14
Speaker 2: But when I've looked at that over time and often
29:17
Speaker 2: it hurts a lot, and I get and I want
29:20
Speaker 2: to go, yeah, like there's no no one sticks around,
29:22
Speaker 2: no one cares, no one needs, And then I go
29:24
Speaker 2: and then I look at who they're getting, and they're
29:27
Speaker 2: not getting and they were never getting They never knew me,
29:29
Speaker 2: they were never getting me. I was never leaning in.
29:32
Speaker 1: That's right.
29:33
Speaker 2: How often do you think, like, do you think that
29:36
Speaker 2: is a challenge for you?
29:37
Speaker 1: One percent? One hundred? Oh? On no level do I
29:42
Speaker 1: think most of the times that the other person is
29:45
Speaker 1: the problem. Like I'm even if in the moment there's
29:49
Speaker 1: something going on with someone and I think that person's
29:52
Speaker 1: a fox stick, Da da da da, I still know
29:54
Speaker 1: that at least some and even if they are being
29:56
Speaker 1: a fuckstick, whatever the issue is, I still know that
29:59
Speaker 1: I'm part of that problem. I still know that in
30:01
Speaker 1: some way I'm allowing this or making this happen, or
30:04
Speaker 1: there's something I'm not seeing. And I'm fully aware that
30:08
Speaker 1: I'm always looking through the Craig window, and I'm fully
30:11
Speaker 1: aware that Craig's go, why is he talking in the
30:13
Speaker 1: third person? Craig Z go fucking Craig wants him to
30:19
Speaker 1: be right. I get that, and like, I know that
30:24
Speaker 1: you know we've spoken about this many times. I mean,
30:27
Speaker 1: I'm fully comfortable talking about my numerous flaws. And you know,
30:32
Speaker 1: it's like in the past when girls have said to me,
30:35
Speaker 1: or ladies, I should say, have said to me, you
30:38
Speaker 1: know your commitment phobic? Can I go, yes, I am,
30:41
Speaker 1: and feel like, ah, so you know, I go, of course,
30:44
Speaker 1: I fucking know, I'm sixty and single. Fucking what gave
30:47
Speaker 1: it away? You know, like fucking you know, there are clues.
30:53
Speaker 1: Just follow the bread crumbs, boys and girls, the emotional
30:58
Speaker 1: bread crumbs, and you'll find I can wreck at the
31:01
Speaker 1: end of it, you know. And but then you go,
31:05
Speaker 1: I mean, this is a really interesting thing. Like I'm
31:10
Speaker 1: I've been a little bit. I've been a lot influenced
31:15
Speaker 1: by I reckon. This is something I never thought about
31:19
Speaker 1: till I was about forty and I just one day
31:23
Speaker 1: I just had this epiphany about why I might so
31:26
Speaker 1: be why I might be so apprehensive at times like
31:31
Speaker 1: I can open the door like this because and there's
31:36
Speaker 1: nothing really that I'm leaving out because I'm happy with
31:41
Speaker 1: this kind of exposure in inverted commerce. But I've spoken
31:47
Speaker 1: to so many people who are in relationships that they
31:50
Speaker 1: don't want to be in, or that they're tolerating, or
31:53
Speaker 1: that are physically or emotionally or mentally in some way
31:59
Speaker 1: self destructive or toxic or unhealthy or whatever, or not
32:03
Speaker 1: self destructive, but destructive. And again, this is just my experience,
32:10
Speaker 1: and this is not an opinion what I'm about to say,
32:12
Speaker 1: this is my experience. My experience has been that most
32:19
Speaker 1: of the people that have spoken to me in confidence
32:22
Speaker 1: about their relationships over the last forty years have said
32:27
Speaker 1: negative things about their partners, not positive. Most of them
32:31
Speaker 1: are complaining or regretting or resenting. Now I'm not you know,
32:37
Speaker 1: maybe I've got a really skewed sample. Maybe my research
32:42
Speaker 1: pool is very skewed. But I've trained fucking thousands of
32:47
Speaker 1: humans and women, old, young, different, different fucking you know,
32:52
Speaker 1: religions and cultures and demographics. And there ain't many people
32:58
Speaker 1: who talk to me about their partner and say amazing, positive,
33:01
Speaker 1: glowing things. And that always made me nervous, like I'm like, wow,
33:05
Speaker 1: what would my girlfriend or my wife be saying? You
33:08
Speaker 1: know so? And I don't think I really consciously, and yes,
33:13
Speaker 1: I realized that there are also before anyone sends me
33:16
Speaker 1: an email, my mum and dad have been married, happily
33:19
Speaker 1: ish forever. So's Vinn, my mate and so's Greg. And
33:22
Speaker 1: of course there are lots of happy people, and maybe
33:25
Speaker 1: happy people just don't talk about their relationships. I don't know,
33:30
Speaker 1: but that and I realized that that negativity and that
33:35
Speaker 1: I'm going to say something I've never said on this
33:36
Speaker 1: show before, but it's just true. And the amount of
33:39
Speaker 1: married women that would be let's just say somewhat inappropriate
33:46
Speaker 1: in their conversation with me, will just leave it at that,
33:49
Speaker 1: over like years and years, like I would not want
33:54
Speaker 1: my wife talking that way to the bloke at the gym,
33:58
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? Without me being too overt,
34:01
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, oh you're bare. No, no, I'm good,
34:07
Speaker 1: thank you, you know, and you know, and of course
34:12
Speaker 1: that was not the majority of women, but you know,
34:15
Speaker 1: you train thousands of people over like I used to
34:17
Speaker 1: do sixty sessions a week for years. Well that's three
34:20
Speaker 1: thousand sessions a year, three thousand times a year I
34:24
Speaker 1: was one on one with someone. You do that for
34:27
Speaker 1: well fifteen years, that's forty five thousand sessions you do
34:31
Speaker 1: it for I did it for thirty years. You know
34:35
Speaker 1: what is that ninety thousand sessions? I mean I've had
34:39
Speaker 1: I would say in the proximity of one hundred thousand conversations,
34:43
Speaker 1: a lot of them one on one, and you know,
34:46
Speaker 1: it's like, yes, so you get a really good insight
34:49
Speaker 1: into the good and bad, you know that, And like
34:53
Speaker 1: the truth is and again I'm just sharing my experience.
34:57
Speaker 1: It might I may have a skew sample, and you know,
35:03
Speaker 1: but but yeah, I think that, you know, what is
35:08
Speaker 1: true is not always what we want to hear. I
35:14
Speaker 1: personally believe that, you know, happiness is not about are
35:18
Speaker 1: you single, are you married? Are you I think it's
35:20
Speaker 1: much more than that. But I think the the you know,
35:24
Speaker 1: the the overarching goal for the majority of people is
35:29
Speaker 1: something like I want to be happy. I want to
35:32
Speaker 1: be safe, I want to be calm, I want to
35:34
Speaker 1: be financially okay, I want someone who loves me. I
35:37
Speaker 1: want to be in a healthy relate. All those normal things,
35:40
Speaker 1: and they're all good things. But if we be really
35:45
Speaker 1: brave and courageous and honest and we look around, that's
35:49
Speaker 1: not that's not the norm. Like, that's not you know, happy, fulfilling,
35:54
Speaker 1: healthy relationships. That's more of the exception than the rule,
35:59
Speaker 1: I think. And of course, you know, no one wants
36:02
Speaker 1: to say that or hear that, but it's like, well,
36:06
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know. But at the same time,
36:08
Speaker 1: I also know I know lots of people who are
36:12
Speaker 1: somewhere between pretty happy and really happy in their relationships,
36:15
Speaker 1: and of course I acknowledge I don't know how we
36:17
Speaker 1: got onto this, but of course I acknowledge that they're
36:19
Speaker 1: even in great relationships, there are going to be good
36:22
Speaker 1: days and shit days. I'm not talking about that. But
36:24
Speaker 1: so I don't know that, you know, Like, for you,
36:29
Speaker 1: I think there's more pressure on girls. You know, you're
36:32
Speaker 1: a forty year old whatever, forty year old attractive single woman,
36:37
Speaker 1: you know, And I would imagine there's been for the
36:39
Speaker 1: last forty or not forty twenty years, there's been versions of,
36:43
Speaker 1: oh but you're such a good catch here for you
36:45
Speaker 1: know whatever, if I have one more person, obviously I'm
36:49
Speaker 1: a little past it now. I'm a fucking geriatric. I've
36:51
Speaker 1: got one eye on the finish line and the other
36:54
Speaker 1: on my fucking my poli.
36:55
Speaker 2: Right once you get those stitches out of your chin, Oh.
36:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I look like fucking shit rack at the moment,
37:03
Speaker 1: unlike my normal brad pitness. Yeah, but I don't know,
37:08
Speaker 1: you know, it's like it is being you know, you
37:12
Speaker 1: can be with someone and lonely, or you can be
37:14
Speaker 1: alone and not lonely, Like I've written that recently on
37:18
Speaker 1: my whiteboard stuff. And you go, well, yeah, I think
37:21
Speaker 1: obviously being in a relationship with someone that you love
37:24
Speaker 1: and that loves you, and I think it's beautiful and
37:27
Speaker 1: amazing and I'm all for it. I'm all for healthy,
37:30
Speaker 1: awesome relationships.
37:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, we put so much judgment on everybody, on people
37:37
Speaker 2: without understanding their values what's important. I remember years and
37:41
Speaker 2: years ago someone I went to school with, one of
37:43
Speaker 2: their cousins, was dating someone who was a total like
37:48
Speaker 2: he even tried to hit on me sitting right next
37:50
Speaker 2: to him in a car, and I'm thinking, how can
37:53
Speaker 2: they be with this person when sure everybody would have
37:56
Speaker 2: to know how unfaithful they are, And he just blatantly
37:59
Speaker 2: did that, And then my friend and I remember years
38:03
Speaker 2: later thinking about it and going whim, like, they've got
38:07
Speaker 2: kids in their head like that, Why is my version
38:09
Speaker 2: of what's right and wrong in a relationship more important
38:13
Speaker 2: than like they've got this whole life going on. Maybe
38:16
Speaker 2: that's better. Maybe they've got a better life than me.
38:18
Speaker 2: And I'm miserable, miserable and single with trust issues and fuckingang.
38:23
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe maybe not. I mean, I think, you know,
38:27
Speaker 1: comparison is the thief of joy, right, and I think that,
38:31
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know if I had got married
38:35
Speaker 1: at twenty five, if now my life would be better
38:40
Speaker 1: and I'd be better, and if I'd had kids, I
38:42
Speaker 1: would have been a good day. I don't know. It's
38:44
Speaker 1: all theoretical and it's all hypothetical, and it probably doesn't matter,
38:49
Speaker 1: you know, but I'd I'd rather have not been a
38:54
Speaker 1: husband than ended up being a shit husband that got divorced,
38:58
Speaker 1: you know, so, and I'm may very well have been that.
39:01
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't even know if I would be.
39:04
Speaker 1: I mean, I haven't had a girlfriend for I don't know,
39:07
Speaker 1: fifteen years, like fucking count the issues everyone, you know,
39:14
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm dad to about one hundred people,
39:17
Speaker 1: though I'm like, I'm like a lot of people's big
39:20
Speaker 1: brother or dad, and I'm you know, I guess I'm
39:22
Speaker 1: all right with that.
39:23
Speaker 2: So, say you were thirty or forty now, and this
39:25
Speaker 2: wouldn't have been an option then or certainly not mainstream
39:30
Speaker 2: where it kind of kind of is now, would.
39:33
Speaker 1: I hook up with Patrick? Is that what you're gonna ask.
39:35
Speaker 2: Okay, everyone thinks he's a handsome lad and absolutely loves him,
39:40
Speaker 2: including me. I'm first in line, though, So would you
39:45
Speaker 2: would you want to would you consider being a solo dad?
39:48
Speaker 2: Would you consider doing you know, like having a child
39:52
Speaker 2: by whatever means? That means a surag.
39:54
Speaker 1: That's an interesting question. Yeah, Ah, I have been told
40:01
Speaker 1: a thousand times at least you would make a great dad,
40:05
Speaker 1: and I I always say no, I'm too selfish or
40:09
Speaker 1: i'mto this or that, and I don't know, like I
40:15
Speaker 1: never like pumping up my ties. But I think I
40:20
Speaker 1: might have been a great dad, but I could be shit,
40:23
Speaker 1: I don't know. I Look, the answer to that hypothetical
40:30
Speaker 1: is if I woke up today when I was thirty
40:32
Speaker 1: and I had the chance to be a single dad
40:35
Speaker 1: and maybe even to have a healthy relationship with the mum.
40:39
Speaker 1: You know that is not a terrible thought.
40:46
Speaker 2: Women have that choice now, and there's a lot of
40:48
Speaker 2: them doing it actually without a partner, going and using
40:52
Speaker 2: a donor and having a child solo mums.
40:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that.
40:58
Speaker 2: I'm sure there's potentially there's men doing it too. I mean,
41:01
Speaker 2: my friend Sean Resnik was the first dad in Australia
41:05
Speaker 2: to adopt it or to do a local surrogacy. Yes,
41:08
Speaker 2: eli's like and toddling around with blonde hair now, but
41:12
Speaker 2: you know, and how much those options change people's lives
41:19
Speaker 2: now or will moving forward things that weren't available to
41:22
Speaker 2: us before that we now have choice.
41:24
Speaker 1: Yep, ye, Look, I think the truth is especially we
41:27
Speaker 1: see now with all the diversity in the nature of
41:31
Speaker 1: relationships and the way that things are working or I
41:36
Speaker 1: guess manifesting churning out there. I don't know what the
41:41
Speaker 1: word is. In twenty twenty four, it's like, clearly there's
41:44
Speaker 1: no set way to do love. Clearly, there's not one
41:48
Speaker 1: or two models. There's fifty eight. Clearly, there's not one
41:52
Speaker 1: best model for a healthy loving relationship. Clearly, right, if
41:59
Speaker 1: marriage was this well one, there'd be no divorce. Well,
42:02
Speaker 1: that ain't the case. And if marriage was some kind
42:05
Speaker 1: of an answer to a problem, then everyone that's married
42:08
Speaker 1: would be happy, And clearly that's not the case. Neither
42:12
Speaker 1: is that to say that marriage is the cause of misery.
42:15
Speaker 1: It's just that we assign meaning to certain things, like
42:18
Speaker 1: we're you know, I've had people who really have literally
42:24
Speaker 1: overtly felt and expressed sorrow because I'm single. Save your sorrow, bro.
42:33
Speaker 1: It's all right, I'm you know, it's like that's kind
42:38
Speaker 1: of almost offensive, you know, without even going by the way,
42:43
Speaker 1: are you happy?
42:44
Speaker 2: You know?
42:45
Speaker 1: Are you happy? And it's like people find it hard
42:47
Speaker 1: to believe that you could be a single dude and
42:52
Speaker 1: not in any hurry to be in anything, and to
42:56
Speaker 1: to have platonic girl friends, right but actual friends. There's
43:02
Speaker 1: no bullshit. There's no you know, fucking on the side
43:05
Speaker 1: and pretending to be friends. Like it's it's like people
43:09
Speaker 1: go because every guy must be you know, maybe some
43:14
Speaker 1: but maybe not all. Maybe you know, maybe you know,
43:19
Speaker 1: and I just for me, I find it like I
43:22
Speaker 1: don't know why, but I've always had in that space,
43:26
Speaker 1: in that romance, even that that you know, when you're
43:31
Speaker 1: a young dude and let's just go, opportunities present themselves.
43:36
Speaker 1: Let's say that, right, Very few times, not never, but
43:42
Speaker 1: very few times did I did I take those opportunities
43:49
Speaker 1: without getting too specific, because I knew, well one I didn't,
43:55
Speaker 1: you know, like I didn't feel that way about that person.
43:59
Speaker 1: If all I want wanted was you know, fucking, which
44:04
Speaker 1: wasn't all I wanted? Right then, that was at times
44:07
Speaker 1: available as it is with a lot of people. And
44:11
Speaker 1: I know that, yes, you know, with this getting too
44:14
Speaker 1: weird or deep, everyone feel free to jump out. But
44:16
Speaker 1: I always I always thought about you know, after, like
44:21
Speaker 1: tomorrow though, like what's going to happen, and I'd go, no,
44:24
Speaker 1: like I the amount of you know, yeah, just I
44:30
Speaker 1: don't want to sound like a fucking idiot, but the
44:33
Speaker 1: amount of options that I did not take up was
44:38
Speaker 1: a lot, a lot, you know. And also I worked
44:40
Speaker 1: in the fitness industry and I was around young people
44:43
Speaker 1: and there was lots of socializing and it was just
44:45
Speaker 1: that kind of you know, it was the eighties, it
44:47
Speaker 1: was the nineties, it was whatever, and yeah, but I
44:50
Speaker 1: just always thought things through and I went, that wouldn't
44:53
Speaker 1: end well for you. For me, it's not a great thing,
44:56
Speaker 1: I know right now in the moment, which is why
44:58
Speaker 1: I never drank beer, which is why I never did booze,
45:00
Speaker 1: which is why I've never been drunk. It's why i've
45:03
Speaker 1: never been high, It's why i've never you know, without
45:05
Speaker 1: being whatever, gotten anyone pregnant. It's why it's just because
45:09
Speaker 1: I I just I think through the consequences and I
45:14
Speaker 1: go Yep, that might feel good. This might be a
45:17
Speaker 1: fucking amazing hour or night, and right now it might
45:21
Speaker 1: seem like a fucking awesome idea. My Dick is just
45:24
Speaker 1: super excited about the prospect. But I'm like, no, I
45:30
Speaker 1: just I just know what's to come too much.
45:35
Speaker 2: I told you how animated my fucking mind is. When
45:38
Speaker 2: you're talking, you.
45:41
Speaker 1: Don't visualize that. But but I mean, look, I'm just
45:45
Speaker 1: being honest, and this is this, you know this like
45:50
Speaker 1: you know, I know young people, now, I know what
45:53
Speaker 1: you know. It's the same. It's the same going not
45:56
Speaker 1: exactly the same, but a version. It's you know, it's
45:59
Speaker 1: like young Lockey at the gym that I trained with
46:02
Speaker 1: every day. He is twenty five, his girlfriend's twenty four,
46:06
Speaker 1: Young Jamie's nineteen. I spent every day on with these
46:10
Speaker 1: young people, and I'm with you know, and I know
46:11
Speaker 1: what goes on, and it's not fucking They're not at
46:14
Speaker 1: church every night, you know, and that's cool. They're not
46:17
Speaker 1: seeking the Lord on their knees reading the gospels like
46:21
Speaker 1: I was. Remember Remember also from nineteen to twenty four,
46:25
Speaker 1: I was serving the Lord. I was getting higher on
46:28
Speaker 1: the Messiah fire, you know. I was just banging on
46:32
Speaker 1: the Bible, bro. So you know, I literally did not
46:36
Speaker 1: have any physical intimacy for five years, like nothing, not
46:42
Speaker 1: even nothing, I mean.
46:44
Speaker 2: Nahing, what made you close the door on that? And
46:47
Speaker 2: how quickly after that door? Like? Was that an was
46:50
Speaker 2: that an intimacy decision? Was that a hey, I might
46:53
Speaker 2: explore a relationship or and how long after leaving that
46:57
Speaker 2: the lord's doorstep?
47:00
Speaker 1: It was very It was very gradual. It wasn't like
47:02
Speaker 1: on Monday, I went, right, I'm not doing the God thing,
47:07
Speaker 1: and on Tuesday I was banging some hobby from the gym. Right,
47:10
Speaker 1: that didn't it was Wednesday. So I gave it a
47:14
Speaker 1: good forty eight hours, you know, because of the self
47:17
Speaker 1: control and Aha, no, that's all bullshit. No, But it's
47:22
Speaker 1: like I've always been weird and deep, and I was
47:25
Speaker 1: really genuinely I was on a spiritual journey and I
47:28
Speaker 1: wanted to learn. I wanted to I wanted to learn
47:31
Speaker 1: about who I was, beyond my body and my urges
47:34
Speaker 1: and my bullshit, my ego, and I wanted to learn
47:36
Speaker 1: what you know, for me, the attraction of the New
47:40
Speaker 1: Testament anyway is love and kindness and forgiveness and understanding
47:45
Speaker 1: and the Old testament's a little bit more brutal. But
47:49
Speaker 1: you know, and I wanted to be that. I was
47:51
Speaker 1: always and I still want to be that. I still
47:53
Speaker 1: want to be a good human doing good things for people.
47:56
Speaker 1: But you know, I'm a flawed human like everyone I know,
48:02
Speaker 1: Like I've got bullshit and I've got false but you
48:05
Speaker 1: know I didn't. I didn't. I've spoken about this. I did,
48:09
Speaker 1: you know a podcast not long ago, I think it
48:11
Speaker 1: was called Do I Believe in God? Or something? And yeah,
48:15
Speaker 1: it's just like for me, there was just things that
48:19
Speaker 1: were happening within the group that I was in. Let's
48:21
Speaker 1: just say that, which to me were out of alignment
48:24
Speaker 1: with the alleged values and mission and you know, theology
48:32
Speaker 1: and philosophy of the church. And it's not like all
48:38
Speaker 1: these people were terrible. So I left the terrible people
48:40
Speaker 1: because I'm better. It wasn't that. And also I was
48:43
Speaker 1: questioning and I was doubting. And you know the thing
48:46
Speaker 1: is when you're in any group, you know, any group
48:51
Speaker 1: which has a particular ideology or philosophy or in this case, theology,
48:57
Speaker 1: you are required two toe the theological, philosophical or psychological line.
49:03
Speaker 1: You're required to toe the line to remain a member
49:06
Speaker 1: of the group. That's how you're in the group. This
49:07
Speaker 1: is what we do, This is what we think, This
49:10
Speaker 1: is how we pray, this is how we live. These
49:12
Speaker 1: are our values. And we all agree with this, and
49:16
Speaker 1: we all live in the theological echo chamber, and everybody
49:19
Speaker 1: who ain't in our echo chamber is wrong. And I've
49:22
Speaker 1: lived in a few echo chambers in my life. I've
49:24
Speaker 1: lived in training ones, nutritional ones, social ones, religious ones.
49:31
Speaker 1: And I really think growth and personal development and evolution
49:37
Speaker 1: starts when you can not necessarily get well. When you
49:41
Speaker 1: can get out of the echo chamber, you might leave
49:43
Speaker 1: the echo chamber, go on your own quest and realize
49:46
Speaker 1: that those values are your values. But learning, you know,
49:51
Speaker 1: there's a big haasm between learning how to think and
49:55
Speaker 1: being told what to think. And I encourage everyone to
50:01
Speaker 1: learn how to think, to ask questions, to doubt, to question.
50:06
Speaker 1: You know, for sure, have beliefs, but question those beliefs
50:10
Speaker 1: and don't do what Craig says because you like Craig
50:13
Speaker 1: and you trust me. Like if you'd like me and
50:16
Speaker 1: trust me, thank you, that's I value that. But you know,
50:22
Speaker 1: take things for a test drive, learn your own truth,
50:25
Speaker 1: arrive at your own conclusions, uncover your own treasure, be
50:29
Speaker 1: your own person, don't belong to a group, think, don't
50:35
Speaker 1: join a psychological cult, you know. And this is like,
50:40
Speaker 1: this is really important for our own growth is to
50:42
Speaker 1: be able to recognize our own bias and recognize our
50:47
Speaker 1: own fear that keeps us trapped in a group, be
50:51
Speaker 1: that social, theological, political, whatever. And it's hard because that
50:56
Speaker 1: at time means you're going to be an outlier and
50:58
Speaker 1: an outsider, and that means people are not going to
51:01
Speaker 1: like you because you don't agree with them, and people
51:04
Speaker 1: want you to agree with them, you know. So she
51:08
Speaker 1: we've covered some vast ground today.
51:12
Speaker 2: That was pretty happy. I'm thinking about your this idea
51:16
Speaker 2: around your when you talked before about urges, clients are
51:21
Speaker 2: coming to urges, And then I was thinking about you
51:25
Speaker 2: growing up up until fourteen being obese and just did
51:33
Speaker 2: that idea of obviously so you having the urge to
51:39
Speaker 2: eat for whatever reason and then putting on weight and
51:43
Speaker 2: seeing the outcome that was so negative because you gave
51:46
Speaker 2: into these urges. Was that a lens that then made
51:51
Speaker 2: you make decisions about the other urges. Whether we know
51:54
Speaker 2: about the booze about drugs, about about.
51:56
Speaker 1: So that is a great question. Congratulations. So you could
52:00
Speaker 1: have started the day with that and you didn't have
52:03
Speaker 1: to be a prick, right, See, the good question came.
52:08
Speaker 1: It took fifty one minutes, but fucking hell, come on,
52:10
Speaker 1: let's go high five, virtual high five. That is a
52:14
Speaker 1: great question. I've never thought about that, But when you
52:16
Speaker 1: frame it like that, I go, hey, that's pretty clever.
52:19
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe like I did a podcast yesterday, I think
52:25
Speaker 1: it'll be yesterday. As people hear this one called delaying
52:29
Speaker 1: or the value of delaying gratification, And for me, that's
52:33
Speaker 1: always been a constant challenge, is to not succumb to
52:38
Speaker 1: that quick fix, whether it's whatever you know. But I
52:42
Speaker 1: think I also think that for me, and I don't
52:48
Speaker 1: say this insincerely, but because I am not innately wildly
52:53
Speaker 1: talented and all of those things, great genetics, all that shit,
52:59
Speaker 1: I I realized earlier that I had to have discipline.
53:03
Speaker 1: If I didn't have discipline or self control, at least
53:07
Speaker 1: initially until I built habits that aligned with my who
53:10
Speaker 1: and how I wanted to be, but at least initially
53:13
Speaker 1: to be able to exercise self control. And like when
53:18
Speaker 1: you're a twenty twenty twenty one two three four year
53:21
Speaker 1: old dude, and you never have sex. It's constant discipline.
53:27
Speaker 1: It was for me because your body is like full
53:30
Speaker 1: of testosterone, Like my body is like what the fuck
53:34
Speaker 1: are you doing? Like this is not normal? You know.
53:38
Speaker 2: I wonder how that has influenced your how urges, like
53:43
Speaker 2: the relationship between urges and feeling and emotion. So then
53:47
Speaker 2: you're not your propensity to not feel as comfortable or
53:51
Speaker 2: good in talking about things that upset you because it
53:56
Speaker 2: almost leans into a similar kind of relationship, like what kind.
54:04
Speaker 1: Of things wouldn't I talk about?
54:06
Speaker 2: You know, when you've talked, we've brought up that book
54:08
Speaker 2: of so when you've said that you sometimes don't feel
54:12
Speaker 2: that talking about some things bother you don't doesn't necessarily
54:15
Speaker 2: make you feel good. I wonder if it because its
54:18
Speaker 2: under the same window.
54:19
Speaker 1: Yeah right, No, I don't not talk about it because
54:22
Speaker 1: I can't. It just doesn't make for me. It doesn't
54:26
Speaker 1: like a lot of it's ironic that talking about it
54:31
Speaker 1: like this, I feel is you know, somewhat helpful just
54:34
Speaker 1: talking in general, and I feel like sharing with an audience.
54:38
Speaker 1: I think I like it because I think other people
54:42
Speaker 1: will see a bit of me in them, or a
54:44
Speaker 1: bit of them in me, or whatever, and so I
54:46
Speaker 1: feel like it serves a positive purpose. But if it's
54:49
Speaker 1: just like you and me sitting in where I am
54:52
Speaker 1: now in my office, for example, and me talking about,
54:57
Speaker 1: for example, the the fear that I have, it's not overwhelming.
55:02
Speaker 1: I would say it's just normal and healthy for anyone
55:04
Speaker 1: who loves their parents. But the fear that I have
55:07
Speaker 1: around the next one two three years of my parents' journey, right,
55:14
Speaker 1: I could sit and talk to you about all of
55:16
Speaker 1: that in depth, but I know it wouldn't help because
55:19
Speaker 1: I wouldn't come out the other side feeling better because
55:22
Speaker 1: it's not going to change what's going to happen in
55:24
Speaker 1: the next one two three years. So I'm very cognizant.
55:28
Speaker 1: I'm very practical. There are times when I worry more
55:32
Speaker 1: than other times. I look at it, you know, try
55:37
Speaker 1: to look at it through a practical lens and say,
55:39
Speaker 1: all right, well, they ain't going to get any better,
55:43
Speaker 1: So how do I love them, look after them, protect them,
55:49
Speaker 1: and you know, spend makers whatever time they have as
55:54
Speaker 1: good as possible. So I try to get out of
55:56
Speaker 1: my own fear and self pity and all of that,
56:00
Speaker 1: and just invest my energy where I think it's gonna
56:04
Speaker 1: give everyone a better return. So well, it must be
56:11
Speaker 1: time to go and lift something.
56:12
Speaker 2: I think it is now.
56:14
Speaker 1: We had a lumpy start, although pre hitting the go
56:18
Speaker 1: button we had a lumpy start. But you've dragged yourself
56:21
Speaker 1: out of that emotional fucking pit that you were in.
56:24
Speaker 1: Thank God, thank god Jumbo's here, Thanks TIV, Thanks everyone.
56:32
Speaker 1: I apologize for the graphicness of certain portions of today's episode.
56:38
Speaker 1: Not really fuck it.