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Vermont Fatherhood - Josh Miller · Aired Out

• 0:19
  Speaker 1: A station, a disc, as a spec.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: As a.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Spectact is in story is a test tested?
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: All right?
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: What are we at?
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: Just about forty eight degrees? The sun is shining here
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: on North Main Street, Berry, Vermont. It is a beautiful,
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: beautiful morning. And man, you know, if you can just
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: whatever you're doing wherever you are right now, if you're driving,
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: just crack the window a little bit, get some fresh air,
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: take a deep breath. If you're inside, just pop outside
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: for five minutes. If you got your cup of coffee
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: with you, that's fine. Just put your face in the sunshine,
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: breathe it in, and begin the work week on a
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: positive note. It is Monday. Before I go any further,
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: Happy Mother's Day to all of the moms yesterday, and
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: you know, honestly today too and tomorrow. Moms are so
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: important and with the your mom is with you today
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: or whether or not she is passed it is. It's
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: just a beautiful reminder to just pause for a second
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: and think of our moms and how great they are
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  Speaker 3: and the fact that they brought us into this world and.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: They did the best that they could.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: We're looking at partly sunny skies today around fifty seven
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: degrees little bummed out.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: I'll be honest with you.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: This morning, when I woke up and saw that my
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: backyard was white, you know, I would love to sit
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: down with Mother Nature and give her a piece of
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: my mind. Here where it's May eleventh. I mean, what
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: are we doing here? Can we be done with the
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: frost now?
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: Please?
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: Thank you?
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Partly cloudy tonight thirty five degrees with more frost, and
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: then Tuesday tomorrow, uh, kind of a carbon copy of today,
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: fifty six even an inch cooler, but partly partly sonny, guys,
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: I was gonna say partly clouded, but I'm going to
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: go with partly sonny classes half full. Josh Miller is
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: sitting right next to me on the curvy couch. Second
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: Monday of every single month, this fine gentleman comes in
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: here and we have a very much off the cuff
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: conversation about life, fatherhood, Who you are, what you do.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: So let's just say calling all dads, this is your show,
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: this is your moment. And you know it started out
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: saying happy Mother's Day. Father's Day is coming to what
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: do we say to the dads out there that aren't
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: stepping up as much as they could and show, and
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: there's a difference between those could and should. That's Josh,
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: the type of people that you like to deal with,
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: the dads that could be better, could be doing more,
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: there's always room for improvement. What do you say to
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: them when you when you meet with dads.
• 5:20
  Speaker 5: Well, that's all of us. That's all of us, JD.
• 5:23
  Speaker 5: So it's a we're ongoing, ongoing learning. And I think,
• 5:27
  Speaker 5: you know, as our kids get into different ages and
• 5:30
  Speaker 5: stages and how we you know, we we have if
• 5:33
  Speaker 5: we have a two year old, we finally start to
• 5:34
  Speaker 5: figure it out and then all of a sudden they
• 5:35
  Speaker 5: turn three, and uh, all of a sudden they're they're sixteen,
• 5:39
  Speaker 5: and they're they're driving, and so you know, it's it's
• 5:42
  Speaker 5: always adjusting our game.
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: And I think, you know, I mean for.
• 5:46
  Speaker 5: Me, it's you know, I I there are a lot
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: of things I can say, but I think one of
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  Speaker 5: the things that I want to hammer home is that.
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: You know, being involved, engaged, loving dad is like the
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: best thing.
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  Speaker 5: Like it's good for your kids, it's good for your family,
• 6:00
  Speaker 5: and it's good for you because you get to, you know,
• 6:04
  Speaker 5: just feel great about what you're doing. You get to
• 6:06
  Speaker 5: kind of reset the bar about being a dad. You
• 6:08
  Speaker 5: get to you know, kind of change the trajectory of
• 6:10
  Speaker 5: maybe things you know weren't so hot growing up at
• 6:13
  Speaker 5: one point in time. And and it's such a great uh,
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  Speaker 5: you know, just and you can start at any point
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  Speaker 5: to be a great dad. And I just think it's
• 6:21
  Speaker 5: you know, when when when we decide to do that, Yeah,
• 6:25
  Speaker 5: that's when it says happening.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: You know, last time that you were in here, I
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: was telling you that my little girl eleven years old,
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: tends to hit mom and dad pretty hard. Was with
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: some pretty powerful questions that we don't always know how
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: to answer off the cuff. Yesterday on Mother's Day, it
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: was a beautiful day. It was wonderful at our house,
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: just filled with love. But you know, she had asked, Mom,
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  Speaker 3: when did you know that you wanted to become.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: A mom? And you know, I was sitting there going,
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: I hope she asks me to and she didn't. But it's.
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  Speaker 3: It was a wonderful conversation that came after that, and
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  Speaker 3: Mom was basically saying that it begins with something that's
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: in your soul. It's it's part of not only what
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: you're thinking about with your brain, your mind but also
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: that's something that you're finding in your heart that you
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: would love to do this, you would love the opportunity
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  Speaker 3: to be a parent. And that's not the case with everybody.
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  Speaker 3: Some of us are surprised. This isn't what we signed
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  Speaker 3: up for, This isn't what we expected to be doing,
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  Speaker 3: This is not the path that we were necessarily intending
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: on being on or intending on being on. So soon
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: we need we needed maybe another five ten years. But
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: we talked about when you know that you want to
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  Speaker 3: be a parent, how this is something that you decide
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: that you want to do and you plan for it,
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: and this is something you go forward with. It was
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: just a beautiful conversation. But then she asked, well, did
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: you ever think about adopting? And yeah, she tends to
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: come up with the left upper hook at times, but
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: we had that conversation too.
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, well I think I am still I will just
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: give whether it's giving you as the parent's your daughter's
• 8:55
  Speaker 5: parents credit, or her credit. I've just her continue to
• 8:58
  Speaker 5: be curious and continue to ask the questions, like I
• 9:01
  Speaker 5: just think that that it's such a great quality and
• 9:03
  Speaker 5: that she feels.
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: Comfortable asking you guys, those questions.
• 9:06
  Speaker 5: I think it's just a huge thing and and you know,
• 9:09
  Speaker 5: your answer is your answer, and I think it's you know,
• 9:11
  Speaker 5: always you can pause and like we've talked about before,
• 9:13
  Speaker 5: you may have the answer, you may not have the answer,
• 9:15
  Speaker 5: and you know, but I think that you know, just
• 9:18
  Speaker 5: you know, like being i mean, being ready for parenting
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  Speaker 5: is you know, it's it's a lot being ready for
• 9:24
  Speaker 5: you know, however, it might be fostering, might be adopting,
• 9:28
  Speaker 5: it might be you know, taking on a you know,
• 9:30
  Speaker 5: you might be kin of someone and supporting them. A
• 9:32
  Speaker 5: lot of grandparents out there taking care of kids, and
• 9:36
  Speaker 5: you know, we you know, kids need it, we need it.
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  Speaker 5: And I think it's you know, we do our best
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  Speaker 5: to step up when we can and and but it
• 9:44
  Speaker 5: really you know, I was at this event this this
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  Speaker 5: Saturday called it Takes a Village and you know that
• 9:49
  Speaker 5: obviously that line is is I feel like resonates for
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  Speaker 5: a lot of people and just how important it is
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  Speaker 5: that we really, you know, just that we are there
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: for each other and that people are able to, uh,
• 10:00
  Speaker 5: you know, go build around each other because it's so
• 10:03
  Speaker 5: much to raise kids and it's I don't know if
• 10:04
  Speaker 5: it's I don't know if it's harder than it was
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  Speaker 5: twenty years.
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: Ago or fifty years ago, but it sure is hard.
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  Speaker 5: And and to be able to have a community of
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  Speaker 5: people around you to support you, because I think individually
• 10:16
  Speaker 5: ourselves are we ready? Are we ready as a couple,
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  Speaker 5: but that it's a lot of work, and and you
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  Speaker 5: know when if we're you know, ready to step up
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  Speaker 5: or if we need support, that we're able to ask
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  Speaker 5: for it.
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  Speaker 4: But it's it's a it's a big, big task.
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  Speaker 3: Well, you're one of those great resources if you do
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  Speaker 3: need a little bit of guidance or even maybe you
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  Speaker 3: don't even realize that you do. But from my fatherhood
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  Speaker 3: right here on North Main Street and Barry a nonprofit
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  Speaker 3: that you started, you were the brainchild to this. You
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: had the vision of saying, hey, let's create something in
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  Speaker 3: actual space where dads can get together or dad's to
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  Speaker 3: be who are going to be a father of any age,
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: of any experience, and get together and not only share stories,
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  Speaker 3: but also give each other maybe some advice or maybe
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  Speaker 3: some guidance if you would. And you don't have all
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  Speaker 3: the answers, and the dads that are part of your group,
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  Speaker 3: they don't have all the answers, but at least we're
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  Speaker 3: together and we're having conversations about this.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it's great. We actually had a play group
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  Speaker 4: the other day. We had a.
• 11:38
  Speaker 5: Little guy who was there and he was there with
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  Speaker 5: his dad, and the grandfather was there as well, and
• 11:43
  Speaker 5: we had we had another dad was there with his kiddo,
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  Speaker 5: and it was really great because the grandfather was sort
• 11:50
  Speaker 5: of bestowing his wisdom upon the other guy. And it's
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  Speaker 5: really you know, part of it is not so much
• 11:55
  Speaker 5: about like here, this is what you should do. It's
• 11:58
  Speaker 5: more about here's some different idea about how you could
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: do it. There are different ways, and as we share,
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: you know, it's to think about kind of that village
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  Speaker 5: is like you have different ideas about how you parent
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  Speaker 5: and how you do things because one thing that works
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  Speaker 5: for somebody doesn't work for another person. And so to
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  Speaker 5: be able to share that with each other and have
• 12:11
  Speaker 5: those you know, Okay, my tool belt is now I've
• 12:13
  Speaker 5: got you know, putting my kid to sleep, or getting
• 12:15
  Speaker 5: under brush their teeth, or you know, take a shower
• 12:18
  Speaker 5: or a bath or whatever. Like now I've got three
• 12:20
  Speaker 5: different ways strategies to do that. Because I've heard from
• 12:22
  Speaker 5: a couple of different people, and and just it helps
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  Speaker 5: you to be a better parent when you have different
• 12:28
  Speaker 5: ways about going about, you know, doing doing the stuff
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  Speaker 5: you got to do day in and day out. So
• 12:33
  Speaker 5: it was it was just really beautiful at the moment
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  Speaker 5: of like, oh, wow, this is it right here, you know,
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  Speaker 5: be able to share that information.
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  Speaker 4: And also I mean having a grandfather there to be
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  Speaker 4: able to like, you know, kind of like, oh.
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  Speaker 5: He's got some cred you know, I guess you know,
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  Speaker 5: he's he's raised his kids and and he's grandfathering and
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  Speaker 5: and so that it was pretty cool conversation. But I
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  Speaker 5: think that piece is really important of you know, sharing
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  Speaker 5: the different ways and how we parent things and and uh,
• 12:59
  Speaker 5: you know, kids need different so we got to be
• 13:00
  Speaker 5: able to have different, different tools to handle things.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: On Tuesdays, you get together at five o'clock at night
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: from five to seven. I think, yep, you would invite
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: any and all dads. Ye any charge to get in,
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: no charge to get in, just come on in. Yep,
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: you're right next to Wabbi Cheolers, Yeah, right above.
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: Yep.
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: Okay, five o'clock Tuesday nights, Yep, show up, coffee's hot,
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  Speaker 3: ready to go.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: Maybe some some dinner.
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: We got some dinner.
• 13:28
  Speaker 5: We got some dinner, we got some childcare, and we
• 13:31
  Speaker 5: got some good companies. So definitely come on through. And
• 13:36
  Speaker 5: I definitely want to you know, a couple of things
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  Speaker 5: I'd like to just you know, trying to get get
• 13:40
  Speaker 5: to push here is also have a playgroup from ten
• 13:43
  Speaker 5: thirty to noon on Mondays and Fridays, and we'd love
• 13:46
  Speaker 5: to get dads with young kids in there hanging out playing.
• 13:49
  Speaker 5: I got a bunch of cool stuff to play with
• 13:51
  Speaker 5: and and and we would do some snacks, do some
• 13:54
  Speaker 5: fruit cheese, you know, just to get get things going again.
• 13:59
  Speaker 5: The coffee is going, and we'd love to hang out
• 14:01
  Speaker 5: and talk about being dads and and uh, you know
• 14:05
  Speaker 5: it's just you said, you.
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: Said ten thirty till until noon on Mondays and Fridays. Yeah, okay,
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: go ahead, I'm sorry.
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: No, no, you're good, You're good.
• 14:12
  Speaker 5: And uh and also trying to get dads raising teenagers
• 14:17
  Speaker 5: on Thursday at noon. He there's a lot that's a
• 14:21
  Speaker 5: whole other level, right and you know, going from uh,
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: you know, changing diapers and nap time to you know,
• 14:28
  Speaker 5: driving lessons and prom and all the things that are
• 14:30
  Speaker 5: happening these days and a dude, yes, yes.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, So Lily's eleven and we're getting the eye rolls.
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: We're getting you know, the oh yeah, the drama on
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: the simple things. Simple things and teaching responsibility. Hey, we
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: expect you know you're quote up now. You can't just
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: leave the stuff on the floor the litterbox. It's got
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: to be changed me. You have responsibilities now. It's also
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: your responsibility to make sure that your stuff is ready
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: for softball practice or a game, whether it's your uniform,
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: your socks, your cleats, that you know where things are,
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: you get your bag packed, and we're not going to be,
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: you know, stressing out with five minutes to go, yelling
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: at you to remember to list off these things. And
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: we want you to know that that we're purposely not
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: going to be reminding you of things. It's your responsibility.
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: And if you get there and you don't have your
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: water bottle, or you don't have your your uniform, ball cap,
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: whatever it is, it's on you.
• 15:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah, well that's the stuff where So.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: There's that's a messy josh.
• 15:55
  Speaker 5: It is part of it is on the kids to
• 15:58
  Speaker 5: do that, but the other part is us as parents
• 16:01
  Speaker 5: and as dads to be able to say, let's you know,
• 16:04
  Speaker 5: get set up.
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: How do we set that up?
• 16:05
  Speaker 5: How do we at an early age to you know,
• 16:08
  Speaker 5: get your backpack ready, get your shoes ready, make sure
• 16:10
  Speaker 5: you have your trumpet. That's what happens at my house
• 16:13
  Speaker 5: and and so. But we're building those routines, building that
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: you know, like, okay, you know, we're not gonna wait
• 16:19
  Speaker 5: for the last minute, all right, half an hour before
• 16:22
  Speaker 5: you you know, you know, watch a show or go
• 16:25
  Speaker 5: out to play or whatever you're doing. You know, let's
• 16:27
  Speaker 5: get the stuff by the door and you know, what
• 16:29
  Speaker 5: do you need? What's your checklist? And you help, you know,
• 16:32
  Speaker 5: over time, over time, repeatedly doing that, getting that you
• 16:35
  Speaker 5: know in their brains that that this is their their
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: thing to do it. And hey, you got your stuff ready, yep,
• 16:41
  Speaker 5: got it all set. And then you know like they
• 16:42
  Speaker 5: do got it all set? Or do you remember a
• 16:45
  Speaker 5: lot of bottle? Oh yeah, shoot, I gotta get that
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: yeah right, so, and and that's just that's part of
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: you know, I mean, you know, kind of be cheesy,
• 16:53
  Speaker 5: but that partnership between parents and kids of like how
• 16:55
  Speaker 5: do we you know, help them make sure they get
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: you know, do the things they need to do. But
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: you know, we got to raise kids for a long time.
• 17:02
  Speaker 5: Humans take a long time to learn what they're supposed
• 17:04
  Speaker 5: to do.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: Wow, so well said man Vermont. Fatherhood is the name
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: of the organization that's right here, Ian Barry. Josh Miller
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: as my guest this morning. He started this whole thing
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: year ago. We launched, Yeah, just about a year ago.
• 17:23
  Speaker 5: May first, I got got the keys to the place
• 17:26
  Speaker 5: and and started programming June first, and and yeah, we
• 17:30
  Speaker 5: just heard it one year university.
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: Pretty exciting.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: And you just had a great fundraiser.
• 17:33
  Speaker 5: I had a great fund raiser at the Barry Social Club.
• 17:36
  Speaker 5: It was it was amazing, great great set up there,
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: very charming place. They did a great job getting us
• 17:41
  Speaker 5: ready and and and then we had you know, the
• 17:44
  Speaker 5: board chair, Greg Stefanski was there.
• 17:46
  Speaker 4: He was to get us get us going.
• 17:48
  Speaker 5: And then I gave a little presentation about what we're doing,
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: and the dads took over and just told the stories
• 17:53
  Speaker 5: of of how things have been, you know, what they've
• 17:56
  Speaker 5: gone through in their lives and how how this has
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: been helpful for them.
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: What do you do, Josh, when you get a dad
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: who might not see things exactly the way either you
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: see them or another dad sees them on the best
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: way to go about raising your kid. Every kid is different,
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: every dad is different. Some of us have different philosophies.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: Some of us reflect that in the way that we
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: were raised ourselves. The maybe the drop the hammer mentality
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: real strict or and and maybe those dads look at
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: the other dad as being too loosey goosey. What do
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: you do when you when you get that variance, Well.
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: And there's different there's different things. There's if it's in
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: a group that has its different flavor to it.
• 18:52
  Speaker 5: And I try to remind people about what we're there
• 18:55
  Speaker 5: to do in terms of you know, being you know,
• 18:58
  Speaker 5: being a solid dad, being there for kids. And and
• 19:02
  Speaker 5: it's not for me to say this is how you
• 19:03
  Speaker 5: should raise your kid, right, that's not that's not my job.
• 19:06
  Speaker 5: But I could say, if you want your kid to
• 19:09
  Speaker 5: be ready for you know, softball, baseball, whatever it is,
• 19:13
  Speaker 5: you know, this is how you get them doing it
• 19:14
  Speaker 5: or you're going to be you know, like you said,
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: you need you don't need to be stressed out. You
• 19:17
  Speaker 5: know you can if you want to go through it
• 19:19
  Speaker 5: and not be stressed out in the morning, getting ready
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: for school, getting ready for practice. You know, what are
• 19:23
  Speaker 5: the things you need to do as a dad to
• 19:26
  Speaker 5: get them there? And and and there are Yeah, people
• 19:28
  Speaker 5: have different ideas about parenting than I do for sure,
• 19:30
  Speaker 5: and you know, try to try to give them, again
• 19:34
  Speaker 5: the options. If it's one on one, I might be
• 19:36
  Speaker 5: I might lean in a little bit more about you know,
• 19:39
  Speaker 5: kind of things that they should do, like if they're
• 19:40
  Speaker 5: doing something. You know, I've had dads you know, coming
• 19:43
  Speaker 5: when they're with their kid and you know just kind
• 19:45
  Speaker 5: of you know, not saying the best of things around them,
• 19:47
  Speaker 5: And I say, listen, you know what you're doing is
• 19:49
  Speaker 5: you're you know, you're kiddos developing language that they're they're
• 19:52
  Speaker 5: reading your their energy, you're you know, they're they can
• 19:54
  Speaker 5: feel when you're when you're you know, tense and and
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: you're raising your voice and and you know, I was like,
• 20:01
  Speaker 5: you know, you don't want your kid to be you know,
• 20:03
  Speaker 5: your kid's only eight months old. You know, you know
• 20:05
  Speaker 5: you want them to be happy, you want that you
• 20:06
  Speaker 5: want to have a good when they're with you, to
• 20:08
  Speaker 5: have a good time with them. And so you know,
• 20:11
  Speaker 5: really just you know, pushing that and that's hard to hear. Sometimes,
• 20:14
  Speaker 5: you know, for some guys, and and I'll push back
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: one of the things and trying to be a little
• 20:18
  Speaker 5: bit more like. You know, I'm not saying you have
• 20:20
  Speaker 5: to do it this way, but I might say, well,
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: you can't do this here, you know, because this is
• 20:24
  Speaker 5: you know, this is the value you know of what
• 20:26
  Speaker 5: we're doing here when we raise our kids. But but
• 20:29
  Speaker 5: you know, to each his own, but I try to
• 20:32
  Speaker 5: encourage them of how what they do, you know, affects
• 20:35
  Speaker 5: their kids, and try to try to affect their kids
• 20:37
  Speaker 5: in a more positive way because sometimes they're just learning.
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: We're all learning how to do it. And but I
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: try to be respectful the way I say, I think
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: so one of.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: The uh, it's fascinating.
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: I love to hear this. One of the conversations that
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: took place yesterday on Mother's.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: Day was about how.
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: When when my dad would get upset or frustrated with
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: with me, he rarely, very rarely raised his voice, but
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: if if the tone changed and he needed to, uh
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: step step it up just a little bit more, turn
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: up the heat. I remember, and I was it was
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: telling this to to Lily yesterday that I remember him saying,
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: I'll never forget this, do you know why I'm upset?
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: And you know, when you're a kid, you're well, you know, yeah,
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: you're upset just because you're being a bad guy.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: And he was like, I'm upset because I love you.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: And at first I was like, you guess that doesn't
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: make sense. If you loved me, you wouldn't be up.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: You wouldn't be upset with me.
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: And I was explaining this to Lily, I said, Mom
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: and I both were about how, you know, how we
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: get after you or about this or that, or we
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: have expectations of you. If we get upset with you,
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: it's it's not because we enjoy being upset with you.
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: It's because our job is not to be always liked
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: by you. Our job is not to be your friend.
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: That would be nice if if we were. We want
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: to be your trusted person, but our mission here is
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: not to just be your buddy and be your friend.
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: It's to raise you the way that we feel is
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: the best way, and we want you to be well.
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: She's like, well, you know, she said some things, and
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: then I explained to her that it wasn't until my
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: twenties when I started to see things a little bit
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: clearer and I looked back at both my parents and
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: I was like, I understand why whatever I was grounded
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: or why you know, my punishment was to break the
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: leaves or whatever. It may be not punishment, but natural
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: consequences as well. We talked about but it's like, there's so.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: It just seems like.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: When your kids get involved with the sports, you can
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: kind of hear this, you can overhear this. It just
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: seems like there's a lot of parents out there that
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: are trying to be the cool parent, the fun parent,
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: the friend parent, and don't want to be the bad guy.
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: Yeah, well you said a lot. You said a lot
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: in that, So I'll try to maybe hone in on
• 24:15
  Speaker 4: a couple of things.
• 24:16
  Speaker 5: One is, I think, you know, one of our one
• 24:18
  Speaker 5: of our jobs as parents is to help, you know,
• 24:20
  Speaker 5: help our kids have good limits and boundaries. Right, So
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: when we're setting, when it's setting U when when something
• 24:26
  Speaker 5: has come up and we're you know, you know, we
• 24:30
  Speaker 5: have to say no to something and a kid might
• 24:32
  Speaker 5: give us, you know, resistance attitude or eye roll, whatever
• 24:35
  Speaker 5: the stuff is, but then we have to hold those
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: lines and that it's not about a friendship at that point.
• 24:39
  Speaker 5: It's really like I'm here to keep you safe, here
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: to you know, have you learned limits and boundaries and
• 24:44
  Speaker 5: so you know that's what I'm doing.
• 24:45
  Speaker 4: And you know you might even you.
• 24:48
  Speaker 5: Know, in terms of like emotional you know, our emotional
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: like literacy and intelligence, like when you know, we get upset,
• 24:54
  Speaker 5: like it's okay for us to be upset right as
• 24:55
  Speaker 5: parents and say like, yep, I'm really upset with you.
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: You know, I expect you know that you're going to
• 24:59
  Speaker 5: be doing you're going to be doing that that you
• 25:01
  Speaker 5: would have handled this better, you'd have done this, made
• 25:03
  Speaker 5: this choice, and those things you know are are important
• 25:06
  Speaker 5: for to let us let our kids know through you know,
• 25:09
  Speaker 5: like if we're upset, we don't need to be verbally abusive,
• 25:12
  Speaker 5: We don't need to you know, do those things. But
• 25:15
  Speaker 5: I think that you know, those frustrations are you know,
• 25:17
  Speaker 5: I sometimes I do have to, you know, I feel
• 25:19
  Speaker 5: like I have to raise the bar on that with
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: my kids of saying like, you know, you know, like
• 25:23
  Speaker 5: you're being really disrespectful and it's not okay, and it's
• 25:25
  Speaker 5: really upsetting to me. And and you know, I need
• 25:27
  Speaker 5: you to, you know, find a different way to say
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: things and respond and and that's part of the learning
• 25:34
  Speaker 5: that has to happen too of our kids, of you know,
• 25:36
  Speaker 5: knowing what those lines are and how we interact with
• 25:39
  Speaker 5: each other.
• 25:40
  Speaker 4: And I feel like, I don't know it was.
• 25:41
  Speaker 5: Because I'm a dad, but maybe just my role as
• 25:43
  Speaker 5: dad of like, you know, when things are not okay,
• 25:46
  Speaker 5: that that I call that out. And then also I
• 25:49
  Speaker 5: need to name things when they are right, you know,
• 25:50
  Speaker 5: when they're good, when they do the things you know
• 25:52
  Speaker 5: so proud of you did really handle that really well,
• 25:54
  Speaker 5: like that was disappointing or this was that and you know,
• 25:57
  Speaker 5: so it's a combination of holding the line and then
• 26:01
  Speaker 5: also you know, acknowledging the good stuff. But I had
• 26:05
  Speaker 5: I used to work with someone up in Burlington and
• 26:07
  Speaker 5: we did some parenting groups together and and one of
• 26:09
  Speaker 5: the things we would talk about was I love this
• 26:12
  Speaker 5: one because it's such an important piece of of you know,
• 26:15
  Speaker 5: you know, no is a loving word, and and that
• 26:19
  Speaker 5: we really you know sometimes you know, our parents were
• 26:22
  Speaker 5: really strict, and so you know, we really hated that
• 26:25
  Speaker 5: growing up, and then when we have our kids, we're like,
• 26:28
  Speaker 5: you know, we don't want to be saying no to
• 26:29
  Speaker 5: our kids.
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: We don't want to have that have them have the
• 26:31
  Speaker 4: same feeling we did.
• 26:32
  Speaker 5: So we say yes all too much, and we're you know, yeah,
• 26:36
  Speaker 5: we're we're sort of like trying to play the good
• 26:38
  Speaker 5: guy because I think we think we're going to play
• 26:40
  Speaker 5: the bad gap we say no. But that's not necessarily true,
• 26:44
  Speaker 5: because I think that kids do need to hear that
• 26:46
  Speaker 5: they need to have limits, they need to be held
• 26:47
  Speaker 5: accountable for their behavior. And and and that's that's our job.
• 26:52
  Speaker 5: And it's hard to figure out what that is.
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: It really is.
• 26:54
  Speaker 5: And I will say and sort of a deeper psychology
• 26:57
  Speaker 5: thing is, which is, you know a lot of times
• 27:00
  Speaker 5: we bring our own experience into our parenting, for better
• 27:03
  Speaker 5: or for worse, right and so everywhere in between.
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: And it's just hard to really discern what that is.
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: And and but I think it's, you know, how do
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: we have our own you know, do we have our
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: own healthy boundaries and limits?
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 27:15
  Speaker 4: Are we able to you know, say no for ourselves?
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: Are we able to take know ourselves?
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: I'll tell you, well, you know, my experience with adults,
• 27:22
  Speaker 5: all the stuff that it's hard for kids, it's hard
• 27:24
  Speaker 5: for adults too.
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: And that's that's the work we got to do.
• 27:28
  Speaker 5: And and so, but I think it's it's important that
• 27:32
  Speaker 5: we do let our kids know that there's a part
• 27:34
  Speaker 5: of the work, you know, our relationship is that you know,
• 27:37
  Speaker 5: I'm going to be you know, teaching you through discipline,
• 27:41
  Speaker 5: through through setting limits, through boundaries, through consequences natural and imposed.
• 27:47
  Speaker 5: And that's just part of how we do it. And
• 27:51
  Speaker 5: it is really hard to figure out what those things are,
• 27:53
  Speaker 5: like how do we go about doing it?
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: And and so I think there's a lot of you know,
• 27:58
  Speaker 5: we in group we talk a bit about out, you know,
• 28:00
  Speaker 5: when a kid does something that upsets us, what are
• 28:04
  Speaker 5: our choices?
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: In that we have a lot of choices.
• 28:08
  Speaker 5: Sometimes we only know one choice, which is to yell
• 28:11
  Speaker 5: yeah and and be pissed off and say you know,
• 28:13
  Speaker 5: you you you know, you left your toys out, you
• 28:15
  Speaker 5: did this, or you you know, whatever the thing is.
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: But I think to realize you.
• 28:19
  Speaker 5: Have a lot of choices, and also to take a
• 28:22
  Speaker 5: breath before you respond if you're really pissed off, like
• 28:25
  Speaker 5: you know, you know, JD. How many times I gotta
• 28:30
  Speaker 5: tell you, you know, even if I say that, you know,
• 28:34
  Speaker 5: But like it's really important that we check ourselves as
• 28:37
  Speaker 5: parents that we really you know that we're we're you know,
• 28:41
  Speaker 5: how we're handling those things is really important because we
• 28:43
  Speaker 5: are teaching our kids.
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: And if our response is always to be.
• 28:47
  Speaker 5: Angry and hurtful and disciplinary, you know, punishment, whatever the
• 28:51
  Speaker 5: thing is, that's that's what we're teaching our kids.
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: And that's not always the best method.
• 28:55
  Speaker 5: It's important some of those things, some you know, having
• 28:58
  Speaker 5: those those consequences there, But I think it's important that
• 29:02
  Speaker 5: we aren't always that's the mode that we're always in.
• 29:05
  Speaker 5: You know, a lot of dads can think I'm the disciplinarian,
• 29:07
  Speaker 5: this is this is my role. My job is to
• 29:09
  Speaker 5: make sure. But I think that there's there's a lot
• 29:12
  Speaker 5: of parts to that that also need to buffer that
• 29:14
  Speaker 5: as well.
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: So well, I mean, if you're if you're a parent
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: and your raising your your voice and that's your your
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: default is to just go down that road every time
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: you're you're exuding this this persona maybe that you're you're
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: not in control.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think and if but if you calm down
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: and and and get quieter and quieter and quieter with
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: your your no, yeah, that might hold more water at
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: the end of the day.
• 29:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's hard there's a lot of reasons, you know,
• 29:54
  Speaker 5: I think when we're stressed as parents, Like when I'm stressed,
• 29:57
  Speaker 5: when I'm like, I'm short tempered, I'm not taking care
• 29:59
  Speaker 5: of myself well, I'm not sleeping well, I'm not eating well,
• 30:02
  Speaker 5: I'm not you know, I'm not.
• 30:03
  Speaker 4: Doing well for myself. And and uh, you know that happens.
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: Happens to me for sure. You know, it's like, oh gosh,
• 30:09
  Speaker 4: you know, and so to realize, like and and what
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: do I need? Who know? You know, how do I
• 30:13
  Speaker 4: do that? You know?
• 30:14
  Speaker 5: But sometimes you know, parents either didn't get what they need,
• 30:17
  Speaker 5: you know, know how to handle those stress situations with
• 30:21
  Speaker 5: their kids, or they're just they're really stressed out and
• 30:23
  Speaker 5: they don't really you know, how to take care of
• 30:25
  Speaker 5: themselves to you know, what to pause and and how
• 30:27
  Speaker 5: can I you know, do this differently. It's it's I
• 30:29
  Speaker 5: can say that, but it is really hard, you know,
• 30:32
  Speaker 5: to to change gears in something. And when when you're
• 30:35
  Speaker 5: not getting what you need as a parent, and you
• 30:37
  Speaker 5: don't have a support system and and and those things
• 30:39
  Speaker 5: are you don't have your village. Those things are really
• 30:41
  Speaker 5: important and and if you're a single parent, how hard
• 30:44
  Speaker 5: that is just you're trying to you were everything all
• 30:47
  Speaker 5: the time. You're always on, you know, every hour of
• 30:50
  Speaker 5: the day. You're thinking ahead to the things you got
• 30:52
  Speaker 5: to get done. And there's not enough time, there's not
• 30:54
  Speaker 5: enough money, and it's really stressful. And and you know,
• 30:58
  Speaker 5: kids can be tough. You know that we want them
• 31:00
  Speaker 5: to meet the expectations, but they don't always do that
• 31:02
  Speaker 5: and it's really frustrating and hard and and so yeah.
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: So important to stay here from my fatherhood. It's it's
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: not just uh, this isn't like a single dad's club
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: at all.
• 31:20
  Speaker 5: Nope, it's uh really any dad, male caregiver, uncle, father figure,
• 31:26
  Speaker 5: you know. And honestly, I mean if somebody was like
• 31:29
  Speaker 5: if if a mom was super stressed and they just
• 31:32
  Speaker 5: needed someone to talk to, you need some support, give
• 31:34
  Speaker 5: me a call.
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: You know. It's it's, uh, it's hard stuff.
• 31:37
  Speaker 5: And and I think it's you know, I do work
• 31:40
  Speaker 5: with some moms too, and and and couples, and you know,
• 31:44
  Speaker 5: it's it's hard work parenting. And but if you know,
• 31:47
  Speaker 5: and and we need we need support, We need someone
• 31:49
  Speaker 5: to talk to, we need someone to to air it
• 31:52
  Speaker 5: out and uh feel a little bit lighter. Let some
• 31:55
  Speaker 5: of that you know that you know hot you know,
• 31:59
  Speaker 5: just our hot tep are out to be able to
• 32:00
  Speaker 5: have something we can trust to talk to. So you
• 32:03
  Speaker 5: can go back and you know kind of maybe do
• 32:04
  Speaker 5: things a little bit better.
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: I mean, all of us allow stuff to build up
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: and faster, and we blow none of us and then
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: we beat ourselves up. None of us are perfect parents,
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: where we all have our own reasons for doing, saying,
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: acting the way we do. And you know, give yourself
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: a break too, give yourself a break.
• 32:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's it's it's important, and it's hard to do sometimes,
• 32:43
  Speaker 5: you know, with all the stuff that needs to be done.
• 32:44
  Speaker 5: And you know my you're talking about, you know, getting
• 32:46
  Speaker 5: stepped ready for practice. Might you know get my kids
• 32:49
  Speaker 5: in sports and different activities too, And it's just a
• 32:52
  Speaker 5: lot all the time.
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: And and how many kids do you have, Josh? I
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: have four? Four kids? All right? And tell me again
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: because this is so fascinating to me, the age difference.
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: So my youngest guy is eleven, fifteen seventeen and thirty.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: Four fifteen seventeen and thirty four. Okay, wow, And.
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: I wasn't ready.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: Just the thirty four year old. How about the eleven
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: year old.
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: So well, he doesn't live with us, but he's got
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: he has a daughter.
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: So can he get on the phone and be like, hey,
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: knock it off.
• 33:39
  Speaker 4: That's a good idea.
• 33:40
  Speaker 5: I think I might have to pull Jordan in on
• 33:42
  Speaker 5: that one, Like, listen, you talk to your younger brother.
• 33:44
  Speaker 4: I actually need him to talk to my seventeen year olds.
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: That might be a little more effective.
• 33:49
  Speaker 5: But yeah, you know, I think it's you know, it's
• 33:53
  Speaker 5: funny to watch, you know, brothers, how they lean on
• 33:55
  Speaker 5: each other, lean into each other a little bit, They
• 33:56
  Speaker 5: have fun, they play, and they also give each other
• 33:59
  Speaker 5: a hard time.
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: And so yeah, Any advice for a dad who is
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: trying to get that message through to their kid. I'm
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: not fooling around here. I'm not playing around anymore. Keep
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: it up and you fill in the blank. But a
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: dad who could might would say, keep it up, and
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: you're going to sit out your practice. And by sitting
• 34:45
  Speaker 3: out the practice, which you'll be there to watch your
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: team practice, but by sitting out the practice, you're not
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: going to be eligible to play the next softball game
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: because you miss to the practice. And I'll be there
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: and we'll sit and watch practice.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: Together. Any advice for that.
• 35:08
  Speaker 4: Dad, Well that I mean, I think if if you're
• 35:13
  Speaker 4: talking specifically like something I'm.
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: Trying to get your attention. And if if and I
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: know that this is good, this is hitting a hotspot
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: for you because you love your your sport so much.
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: It's you're connected with all your peers. They're expecting you
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: to be there. You want to be there, you love
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: doing this, and that if you're sitting on the sidelines,
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: you're going to be asked by your friends why.
• 35:42
  Speaker 5: Like I said, if it's related to the sport and
• 35:45
  Speaker 5: he's not doing that, if it's related to something at home,
• 35:47
  Speaker 5: I would separate those things out to be honest with you.
• 35:51
  Speaker 5: You know, if they were doing something like they didn't
• 35:52
  Speaker 5: do their homework or something that's you know, different from sports,
• 35:55
  Speaker 5: and so you know, having something that's like kind of
• 35:58
  Speaker 5: you know, fits the crime a little bit. So if
• 36:00
  Speaker 5: it's like something related to home, I mean, you know
• 36:02
  Speaker 5: one is you know, I think in terms of like
• 36:06
  Speaker 5: like consequences need to happen. If you if you tell
• 36:09
  Speaker 5: your kid, and I'm not great at this, but if
• 36:11
  Speaker 5: you tell your kid five times, you know you better
• 36:15
  Speaker 5: keep it you know this or that or keep it
• 36:16
  Speaker 5: up or don't do stop doing this. You know, you
• 36:18
  Speaker 5: give them five times right too, antie up, but you
• 36:23
  Speaker 5: start to you know, kind of tight tighten it a
• 36:25
  Speaker 5: little bit and say, like, you know, I'm gonna tell
• 36:27
  Speaker 5: you one time. You know, it depends on how old
• 36:29
  Speaker 5: your kid always and and then after that, you know,
• 36:33
  Speaker 5: the consequence comes in, whether it's you know, you lose
• 36:35
  Speaker 5: your phone, you can't go play with your friends, you
• 36:37
  Speaker 5: can't do this thing. I think it's important that you
• 36:40
  Speaker 5: know as much as you can try to you know,
• 36:42
  Speaker 5: fit what the what the issue is. If it's being disrespectful,
• 36:45
  Speaker 5: you know, maybe they need to sit and talk with
• 36:47
  Speaker 5: you longer, which is actually a torture for some kids,
• 36:50
  Speaker 5: or maybe they get the silent treatment.
• 36:51
  Speaker 4: Maybe they don't get that.
• 36:53
  Speaker 5: And then it's if it's related, if it's actually sport related,
• 36:55
  Speaker 5: it's that that's another thing. It depends on how you know,
• 36:57
  Speaker 5: if you're the coach as well as the dad and
• 36:59
  Speaker 5: always could be a little tricky. But I think one
• 37:01
  Speaker 5: of the things when you're dealing with conflicts with kids
• 37:03
  Speaker 5: your kids is are you building a relationship with them,
• 37:07
  Speaker 5: are you are you spending time with them as well?
• 37:09
  Speaker 5: Are you you know, like it's not so much their friend,
• 37:12
  Speaker 5: but are you spending time building a relationship with your
• 37:15
  Speaker 5: with your kid or your kids that you know is
• 37:19
  Speaker 5: you know, having a good time, having great you know,
• 37:22
  Speaker 5: shared experiences together that are really good and positive and
• 37:25
  Speaker 5: you're letting know you love them and you care about them,
• 37:28
  Speaker 5: and and you can say, hey, listen, you can have
• 37:30
  Speaker 5: a conversation like, hey, listen, we keep on running to
• 37:33
  Speaker 5: this thing, and you know, I really, you know, I
• 37:36
  Speaker 5: expect more from you and the more, let me explain
• 37:38
  Speaker 5: what that more is, you know, really in detail.
• 37:40
  Speaker 4: We can say things like you can say knock it off,
• 37:43
  Speaker 4: or you can say keep it up, like what does
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: that mean? You know?
• 37:46
  Speaker 5: And some people are really literal, you know, learners in
• 37:48
  Speaker 5: that way. And so how we say things matter matter
• 37:52
  Speaker 5: a lot. And you know, if I be explicit in
• 37:54
  Speaker 5: what I say, like I expect you to you know,
• 37:57
  Speaker 5: respond more, you know, more respectfully to whoever, like to
• 38:01
  Speaker 5: your teacher or to your mother or to your sister,
• 38:04
  Speaker 5: Like you can't do that and you can't hurt them,
• 38:05
  Speaker 5: You can't go throwing punches.
• 38:08
  Speaker 4: It's not okay. It is not okay.
• 38:11
  Speaker 5: And you know you're gonna spend some time whatever in
• 38:13
  Speaker 5: your room, or you're gonna spend some time not you know,
• 38:15
  Speaker 5: going out with your friends, or on your phone or
• 38:17
  Speaker 5: on your video games.
• 38:18
  Speaker 4: And I think those consequences are really important.
• 38:20
  Speaker 5: And that goes back to the thing we're saying of like,
• 38:22
  Speaker 5: you know, you know, it's those things are important that
• 38:25
  Speaker 5: kids have those limits and that our kids that as parents,
• 38:28
  Speaker 5: we hold our kids accountable for their behavior.
• 38:31
  Speaker 4: And it's hard, you know, it's hard to do and
• 38:35
  Speaker 4: and but I think it's really important that we do that.
• 38:37
  Speaker 4: They need those limits.
• 38:38
  Speaker 5: And I would say and those little bias, but I
• 38:40
  Speaker 5: think boys really need to you know, no, like this
• 38:43
  Speaker 5: is not okay.
• 38:44
  Speaker 4: We don't hurt people. We don't do this, we don't
• 38:45
  Speaker 4: do that. Whatever.
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: The thing is Monday through Friday at nine am, with
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: the exception of the second Monday of the month. Because
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: you're you're here with me, that's when your doors are open.
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: In it from my fatherhood, where you say walk in, yeah,
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: come in, coffee is free, coffee is hot, Just come.
• 39:10
  Speaker 5: In, yeah, popping the doors open, come on in. You know,
• 39:13
  Speaker 5: I might if I'm if I'm busy, I'm busy. We'll
• 39:15
  Speaker 5: set a time to get together. My number, my cellphone
• 39:18
  Speaker 5: number is around my emails around.
• 39:21
  Speaker 4: I forget you.
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: I've got your number posted here in the comments.
• 39:24
  Speaker 4: Text, text, call, show up, email me.
• 39:29
  Speaker 5: You know, see me walking down the street, come over
• 39:31
  Speaker 5: and say hi, and yeah, you know, well if we
• 39:34
  Speaker 5: if things are busy, then we'll find another time to
• 39:37
  Speaker 5: get together.
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: And yeah, and and even if you know, again between
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: nine and ten, walk in and even even if you
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: only have ten minutes, just pop in, yeah and say, Josh,
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: I'm thinking about yanking or off to you off the
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: practice field.
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: What do you say?
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: I got I got ten minutes, so I'm on the
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: move here, you know. I mean, it's not like you're
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: you're committed to sit down there for an hour.
• 40:05
  Speaker 5: If you only have a little bit, yeah, yeah, just
• 40:07
  Speaker 5: pop in and and even just come see the space,
• 40:10
  Speaker 5: check it out, and you know, see if it's a
• 40:12
  Speaker 5: fun place to come.
• 40:13
  Speaker 4: You want to take your kiddo and and check out
• 40:15
  Speaker 4: the vibe.
• 40:16
  Speaker 5: And and we can exchange numbers and find more time
• 40:20
  Speaker 5: to connect and talk about what's happening.
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: Before we close out this morning. Have you seen you've
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: seen the movie Forrest?
• 40:30
  Speaker 4: Come?
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, what do you remember the most out of
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: that movie?
• 40:39
  Speaker 5: Well, somebody was telling me about my mom. I called
• 40:41
  Speaker 5: my mom yesterday and she was telling me she went
• 40:43
  Speaker 5: to Bubble Grump Shrimp. She's in Minnesota, so she went there.
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: There.
• 40:47
  Speaker 4: She was talking about that. So I think that that
• 40:49
  Speaker 4: scene on the boat was amazing. That was really fun.
• 40:53
  Speaker 5: But you know the run forest run piece and running
• 40:56
  Speaker 5: off the football field, he kept running.
• 40:57
  Speaker 4: That was all I mean.
• 40:58
  Speaker 5: There There are some incredibly like unforgettable moments in that movie,
• 41:02
  Speaker 5: more than I.
• 41:02
  Speaker 4: Think a lot of movies. Just yeah, I can go
• 41:04
  Speaker 4: through Bobby twine Prett easily.
• 41:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean running across America, his his love for
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: for Jenny. Uh, his time with Lieutenant Dan, his his
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: time is a is a a veteran in the in war,
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: in the Vietnam War, playing for the University of Alabama football.
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: Uh what else?
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: Ping Pong did I mention that? I mean, we could
• 41:33
  Speaker 3: go on and on and on about all all of
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: these things, which a lot of which which is the
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: movie about. Of course he's sitting there telling his his
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: life story on the park bench. The biggest takeaway for
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: me in that movie.
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: Was of all of these.
• 41:59
  Speaker 3: Incredible accomplishments, the biggest thing for me that I think
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: the writers threw into that movie.
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: Was when he learned that he's a father.
• 42:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we got the chills, yeah yeah. Yeah.
• 42:21
  Speaker 5: And how he took that on and how he took
• 42:23
  Speaker 5: that yeah, I mean he wasn't ready. I mean, you know,
• 42:26
  Speaker 5: you think of all the things that he did, you know,
• 42:28
  Speaker 5: would you want for his compass a dad, you know,
• 42:30
  Speaker 5: like you're like, oh, this got ready to be your
• 42:31
  Speaker 5: dad and step in and that was something that he
• 42:34
  Speaker 5: you know, i mean he.
• 42:35
  Speaker 4: Kind of took. But his theme was he took everything
• 42:37
  Speaker 4: on fully. This is what he did. He's like, I'm
• 42:40
  Speaker 4: just going to take it on and very literal and
• 42:43
  Speaker 4: just you know as well and just you know, took
• 42:45
  Speaker 4: it on. Uh. And and was like it was you know,
• 42:49
  Speaker 4: the look in his eyes when he when when when
• 42:51
  Speaker 4: she told him, and and and.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: He saw the boy for the first time.
• 42:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah yeah. And he came over and just sat right
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: next to him. Got his level some some good stuff there.
• 43:03
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: As the.
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: Is the viewer of the of this movie, you're you're like, oh, yeah,
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: that's a little far fetched, but I okay. He's a
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: champion ping pong player and plays college football, and he's
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: and he's in the war and he's starting Bubba Gump,
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: shrimp and all of these things.
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: But how the heck is he going to be a father?
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: How how could he possibly be a good father? Yeah?
• 43:37
  Speaker 5: Well, like I said, took it on fully, did what
• 43:41
  Speaker 5: he could, did what he knew, you know, And that's
• 43:44
  Speaker 5: that's what I would say.
• 43:45
  Speaker 4: You know, we just do our best, jump in and
• 43:47
  Speaker 4: do it.
• 43:47
  Speaker 3: You know, that's my point. Yeah, do the best you
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: you can and give yourself a break. And none of
• 43:55
  Speaker 3: us are perfect ads, we all we all make mistakes,
• 44:00
  Speaker 3: but if you're not learning them, then that's not good.
• 44:09
  Speaker 3: You got to learn from the things that you're doing
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: right and not so right, and listen to your kids too.
• 44:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, just don't don't do it alone. Find some you know.
• 44:19
  Speaker 5: I mean maybe it's not from my fatherhood, but you know,
• 44:21
  Speaker 5: find some you know, some other folks out there. You know,
• 44:24
  Speaker 5: connect with the other group of parents. And sometimes you know,
• 44:28
  Speaker 5: guys fly solo a lot, so it's sometimes hard to do.
• 44:30
  Speaker 5: But yeah, you know, connect with you know, other folks
• 44:33
  Speaker 5: to you know, just talk about what's going on and
• 44:36
  Speaker 5: and it's really helpful.
• 44:37
  Speaker 4: It's really important.
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: Donna is saying thank you so much for doing this
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: important work. Josh at Vermont Fatherhood dott to work and
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: get on the website too, Vermont Fatherhood Dotta Work. You
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: have started something really massive. I really believe that. Yeah,
• 44:57
  Speaker 3: right here on North Main Street and Berry, we're so happy.
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: We're blessed to have you here. Man, I'm blessed to
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: be connected with you because the stuff you're putting out
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: into the microphone the second Monday of every month is
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: really important stuff.
• 45:13
  Speaker 4: And it's it's not.
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: Just all dads, it's all of us as parents, but
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: especially dads. We need to be better, we need to
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: try harder, we need to give ourselves a break. But
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: in the end, just know that your time here, your time,
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: your gift, your opportunity to be a dad is limited.
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: You're running out of time. So if there's something you
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: need to do better, whether it's drinking less, cussing less,
• 45:51
  Speaker 3: disciplining in a different way, get going with that because
• 45:58
  Speaker 3: you're running out of time.
• 46:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's one of the few things that are free,
• 46:02
  Speaker 5: actually time you can well to be able to step
• 46:06
  Speaker 5: up as a dad and be more involved and try
• 46:09
  Speaker 5: to do things a different way. It's one of the
• 46:11
  Speaker 5: things in our control. And so it's the beauty of it,
• 46:16
  Speaker 5: and it does a lot for us as men and
• 46:18
  Speaker 5: as human beings to be able to, you know, embrace
• 46:22
  Speaker 5: being a dad, and it's a lot of good that
• 46:25
  Speaker 5: can happen.
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: I love having you on man, great, Thank you, Thank
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: you ever so much for coming in here. Vermont Fatherhood
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: dot work and again Josh at Vermontfatherhood dot org. We've
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: got his cell phone posted in the comments here. Reach
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: out to them, call our text anytime. Get over Monday
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: through Friday. Get over to Vermont Fatherhood between nine and
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: ten in the morning, Tuesday, nights between five and seven,
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: playgroup ten thirty to noon, Mondays and Fridays with snacks.
• 46:57
  Speaker 3: And if you have teenagers you're trying to buckle up,
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: Josh will help you Thursdays at twelve noon.
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: Thanks buddy, Thank you, appreciate you coming in here. Man,
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: good time, all right, we'll see you. Sure be well.
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: God blessings.
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: District spiss Stupor spe spe spects member step still spent
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: a sisps. Most peoples spe is spect. The school