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Lessons - Everything You Don’t Know About Mentors | Scott Miller - Author, Speaker & EVP at Franklin Covey · Success Story with Scott Clary

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  In this episode, we break down the true value of mentorship and why it's key to success.
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  We'll discuss how to find the right mentor, the benefits of learning from both successes and failures,
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  and how to build authentic, purposeful relationships.
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  You'll gain insights into what makes a mentor truly impactful,
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  and how to approach mentorship in a way that leads to real growth.
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  Mentors, mentors, mentors, people always speak about mentors, mentorship, why it's so important.
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  What is a mentor?
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  Well, a mentor is different things to different people.
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  Sometimes it's formal.
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  Like, will you be my mentor?
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  Will you mentor me on this six-sigma process?
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  Sometimes it's informal.
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  It's someone that's just, you know,
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  friend it up.
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  They've friended someone who is more accomplished, wiser, smarter.
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  But I think a mentor is someone who is abundant, who has wisdom to share with someone else.
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  Not, not, not an ego to try to turn them into a mini version of you,
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  but someone who has an abundance mentality that wants to share not just their successes,
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  but their failures and messes.
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  I don't know about you, but I learned more about having a successful marriage
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  from those who are divorced.
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  I learned more as an entrepreneur, growing my business from those who've had bankruptcies
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  than from those who made their first million by age of 30.
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  So I think a mentor is someone who is more concerned with what is right
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  than being right, meaning what's right for you?
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  What are your strengths?
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  What are your fears?
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  What are your passions?
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  And can any of my journey mistakes and successes be helpful to you?
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  That's what a mentor is.
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  I feel like when people look for a mentor, they don't have that definition in mind.
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  Everything you just highlighted when mentors open up, when they're vulnerable,
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  when they teach over from their past failures,
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  I think that's what will actually help somebody and actually move the needle.
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  But I feel like the average person doesn't even know what to look for when they're looking for
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  a mentor because there's this vision of a guru that can help them in all aspects of their life.
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  And to me, that's not that's not helpful.
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  That's not mentorship and that's not even what that's not even what your definition is.
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  Like if you're looking for a mentor, you have to find somebody,
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  potentially who's done something in one area of your life or one walk of your life.
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  And if you find multiple people who've done different things in different areas of your life
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  and you consume them and you learn from them, that's probably the best way to leverage what a mentor
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  is. It's not a course, it's not a class. It could be, but it doesn't have to be.
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  And I think there's something that I want to pull out because even when you write a book and the book
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  is basically 30 people that you've connected with through your interview and you take that insight
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  in that knowledge and you summarize it, that's a definition of mentorship.
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  That is mentorship that people can consume through the book.
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  So how does somebody figure out, let me think how to word this.
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  How does somebody figure out how to build a relationship with a mentor?
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  Is it something that you should go out and seek them?
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  Is it something like you should just consume them on YouTube?
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  What is an actual beneficial definition of a mentorship look like?
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  I don't think a mentor is someone you don't know.
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  Like I don't think Gary V is not my mentor, but I follow him and I learn from him.
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  He's a podcast host that I listen to.
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  I think some people confuse that your mentor is someone who is in relationship with you.
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  It's not your therapist, it's not your coach.
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  It's like this is even your cheerleader.
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  It's someone that you've identified that has perhaps pursued a path similar to the one
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  that you want to pursue and that you believe they aren't just smart but they're wise.
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  I think that's what's different about a mentor.
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  It's someone that is smart and wise.
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  That they have wisdom, that they have enough confidence to demonstrate humility.
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  To not necessarily say that their path should be your path.
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  A mentor is someone that asks big questions that they're good listeners.
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  That they're able to, like I said before, demonstrate humility.
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  Which by the way is a leadership competency.
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  Humility is a mentoring competency.
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  But someone can't mentor you unless they know you want to be mentors.
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  So I'd say formalize it.
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  But make sure you declare your intent.
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  Make sure that you're not artificially trying to be mentor
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  because you eventually want them to seed your first round of funding.
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  Or you want them to open their role of decks.
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  Don't manipulate someone into thinking they are your mentor.
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  All of a sudden you ambush them for a different reason.
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  That's just called duplicity and disingenuousness.
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  Find someone that you believe you can learn from.
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  Their successes and their message.
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  Declare your intent.
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  My intent is try to learn from your experience.
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  Would you spend some time with me over the next six months?
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  One call a month for 30 minutes.
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  To talk to me about these particular topics.
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  And then honor that.
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  Don't send them emails throughout the week.
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  Don't suffocate them.
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  Most mentors, if they're valuable, they're probably successful.
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  They're probably in demand.
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  They don't want to be your therapist or best friend.
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  If it turns into that, different story, right?
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  But I think people can't help you if they don't know you need help.
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  So reach out.
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  Move outside your comfort zone.
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  Reach out to someone.
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  Perhaps you don't even know and say,
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  Hey, I'm trying to launch a podcast like you.
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  On HubSpot, on SoundCloud, on Stitcher, whatever.
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  You've done what I'm wanting to do.
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  Could you mentor me for three or four 30-minute sessions
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  in the hopes that I could learn from you?
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  Most people.
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  I have found that are successful.
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  Have an abundance mindset.
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  They'll help you out.
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  As long as there's not this sort of mission creep, right?
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  You're now their best friend and you're coming by their house
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  and you're embodying yourself to their barbecues.
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  Be respectful of your mentor's time and boundaries.
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  But there is one point that is important is there is a feedback loop.
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  There is an active feedback loop.
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  So it's not just consuming a ton of their content.
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  That's an important part of mentorship as well.
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  Okay.
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  So benefit, I want to actually bring it back
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  because this is actually important
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  and I wrote a couple points down here.
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  But I think we're actually jumping the gun
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  because we're assuming that everybody even understands
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  the benefits of having a mentor
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  because we're probably on the same wavelength
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  when it comes to a lot of that stuff
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  as I find our many high performing individuals
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  who have seen success in their life.
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  They have aligned to people that have
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  mentored them to some capacity.
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  Let's talk about the benefits of having a mentor.
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  If somebody has never really sought out that
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  they've done it on their own, so to speak.
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  And they never really aligned with anyone.
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  They felt like they couldn't ever trust anyone
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  to give them that feedback.
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  How do you get somebody to take that first step?
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  And why should they?
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  If they've already figured out their life to this point
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  without a mentor?
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  Well, I don't know a single person that's successful.
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  That's ever figured out their life without a mentor.
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  They may not realize that they have a mentor in their life.
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  It might be a rabbi, it might be a priest,
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  it might be a father-in-law, might have been their headmaster.
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  So I reject the premise that people have achieved
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  any level of significant success
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  without some kind of mentorship.
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  It may be that they don't realize it.
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  But to your point, mentorship is,
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  it can take on many forms and fashions.
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  Mentors allow you to kind of look around corners.
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  They allow you to turn a disappointment into an appointment.
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  They give you feedback on your blind spots,
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  which we all have.
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  Whether it be our lack of vision
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  or too big bold vision on that execution.
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  Mentors are typically, like I said before,
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  wise people that just ask big open into questions.
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  So if you were to do that, what's the consequence?
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  What's the upside?
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  What's the downside?
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  If you were to say that or launch that,
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  tell me about your board of directors.
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  Tell me about the people who are mentoring you in life.
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  What are you reading?
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  So I think mentorship's, mentorship isn't really about
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  teaching lessons from your journey.
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  It's about having your mentee know what questions to ask.
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  Uncover, unfold, help them to understand their identity.
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  What is their passion?
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  What is their mission?
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  How can they turn their fears into their strengths?
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  I think a great mentor is someone who listens more than they talk.
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  And so for me, mentorship is a requisite for a successful life.
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  Is surrounding yourself people who, by the way,
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  they may not always be older than you, might be younger.
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  I have several people that are mentoring me on how to get on clubhouse
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  and how to leverage TikTok and how to do different types of platforms
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  to help launch my books and products.
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  They're mentoring me.
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  And I'm not afraid to say I've got mentors that are half my age.
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  They're helping me become more relevant in a post-COVID world, right?
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  And so mentorship, I think, can be different people to different things.
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  It kind of is what's right for you at the moment
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  in your life.
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  And if somebody wants to go find a mentor,
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  you mentioned a few things.
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  They'd be very specific and intentional.
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  Watch the creep of the relationship.
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  Don't try and get a mentor to have ulterior motives
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  and to help them invest in your, in your company.
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  But if you do want to find a mentor,
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  what are the right ways of going about it?
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  Well, I think there's probably many right, right ways.
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  One is you can make a list of your entire network.
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  Might be eight people, might be 800 people.
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  And you might call up some of the most accomplished people.
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  When I say accomplished, it might mean that they'd had the most bankruptcies
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  because the people that have had the most failures
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  probably have the deepest lessons to teach and say,
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  hey, Scott, I noticed that you've launched three businesses.
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  I'm trying to, you know, do some crowd sourcing
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  or crowdfunding over here.
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  Who do you know that could give me some wisdom on this?
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  Anybody know that you'd be willing to build a bridge to?
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  Your mentor may not be in your network.
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  It might be your attorney's accountant.
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  It might be your ex-girlfriend's brother.
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  It might be someone that you don't even know.
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  So I would say the first step would be to look at your own network
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  and find trustworthy wise people who might be able to build a bridge
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  with someone they know.
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  If that isn't the case, you might just reach out to someone.
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  I mean, I don't care how big of a celebrity you are.
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  You're still checking your Facebook feed at 839 in bed.
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  I don't care how successful you are.
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  You still have an email account.
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  You still have an Instagram and you're still looking at it
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  in the evening time when you need to break from your kids
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  because you've worked 14 hours today.
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  So I'm a big proponent of just putting yourself out there.
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  And asking, most of my success has come
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  because I was willing to, I was willing to ask.
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  I was willing to pick up the phone
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  and call Matthew McConaughey and say Matthew.
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  Love to interview you.
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  Sometimes they say no.
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  Sometimes they say yes.
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  And Matthew leads you to Will Smith.
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  And Will Smith leads you to Mark Manson.
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  Mark Manson leads you to, you get the point, right?
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  And so there's many ways to fight a mentor.
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  And you'll know pretty quickly
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  if it's the right fit for you.
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  I think what goes wrong in mentorship
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  is when you start to treat the mentor as your friend
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  or as your bank or as your coach or your therapist.
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  Mentors are there to help impart any knowledge
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  and you wisdom that they've gleaned from their journey
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  that can be replicated in your journey.
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  I think also mentorship goes wrong when the mentor
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  feels like their job is to, like I said before,
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  to kind of turn you into them.
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  Mentorship is not trying to have someone follow your path.
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  It's not helping them clarify and uncover their path.
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  So when you, when you have someone
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  that is helping you clarify and uncover your path,
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  that's when you know you're in a positive
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  mental relationship when it's not extending beyond that.
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  Now, I would also just ask,
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  how do you know when a mentor,
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  so how would you, I guess you sort of answered
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  how you know when a mentorship isn't working out,
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  but even just jumping into something,
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  what are some red flags right off the bat
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  when you are looking for mentors?
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  Because you're right, there's a lot of,
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  there's a lot of opportunity out there.
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  You may see somebody as successful
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  is there things that you should stay away from
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  or be wary of when you're trying to find
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  someone to help you?
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  Well, I think it's self-awareness knowing
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  what it's like to coach you,
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  knowing what it's like to be on a Zoom call with you.
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  So some of the first is self-awareness to know
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  what type of person would be best to match your personality.
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  I think also is scope creep.
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  You know, you don't want to call up
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  Sylvester Salone and ask him if he'll mentor you
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  for a year and a half on how to become,
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  you know, a boxer.
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  I don't watch his movies.
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  I think he was a boxer.
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  Is that what Rocky was?
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  I think he was a boxer, right?
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  Sorry, sorry, not a boxing fan.
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  Forgive me to your millions of boxing listeners.
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  But I mean, that's overwhelming, right?
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  Slice slows like a, you know,
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  mentor you for a year and a half.
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  But you might say, hey,
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  could I have a half an hour of your time?
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  And the mentor might fall in love with you.
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  And she or he might say, hey, you know,
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  if you have more questions, give me a call.
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  So I think incremental, I think it's like dating.
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  Are you going to know the first day,
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  whether or not you want to invite, you know,
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  this person back or they want to invite you back?
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  Be transparent, be open.
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  I think be realistic.
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  Is I'm trying to develop this skill, right?
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  I'm trying to do this particular thing
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  and I have identified that you may have some expertise in this.
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  Would you be willing to coach me?
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  And I would be very specific in a couple of 30 minute sessions.
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  You know, if it goes well and you have high EQ,
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  you can read into the third session,
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  whether or not it's appropriate to ask them to extend it or not.
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  And I also think it's gracious to break it off.
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  If after the second call,
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  you find that that person's expertise isn't what you thought
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  or they're not as invested,
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  you can simply thank them for their time.
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  Hey, can I tell you Scott?
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  I have so appreciate your investment in me.
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  I'm going to actually release you from any further commitments.
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  I'm going to go out and execute on the things that you've taught me already.
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  And would you be willing if I needed some more time to ever give it to me?
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  Sure. And then, and then they feel validated
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  and you feel like you're able to break it off.
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  I think many of those techniques can work
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  for different types of people.
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  Thanks for tuning in.
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  And if you want to dive deeper into this conversation,
• 14:47
  check out the links in the description
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  to watch the full episode.
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  See you in the next one.