Latest / College Is Fine, Everything's Fine / #69 Building College Connections That Last: Using the R.E.A.C.H. Approach to Strengthen Your Support System

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#69 Building College Connections That Last: Using the R.E.A.C.H. Approach to Strengthen Your Support System · College Is Fine, Everything's Fine

Create Healthy Relationships[00:00:00] Hey there, and welcome to College is Fine. Everything's Fine. The podcast that helps you keep your head above campus chaos without losing your sense of self or your sense of humor. I'm Dr. Sarah Olivo. And I'm Dr. Liz Seidler. We're clinical psychologists who help students navigate everything from friendship, drama, and academic pressure to figuring out who they are when nobody and everybody is watching.We take real stories from college life and turn them into simple science back tips. You can actually use no fluff, just what works. Think of it as your mental health toolkit for thriving, not just surviving college life. Alright, Sarah, are you ready? Yep, I'm ready. Let's get into it.okay. Creating healthy relationships. So we've already talked a lot about relationships. I think there's like two things that I would like to talk to about, about this.So, Sarah and I talk about this concept of a friendship matrix, and [00:01:00] oftentimes what I'll hear from college students is that they. Uh, have either one have a friend group and they're like not very happy with their friend group. And usually it's because there's something in this matrix that's kind of missing, right?They have takers, the friends that are constantly asking, you know, I'll hear about this. Like, my mom's gonna be so mad at me like, I paid for dinner again last night for everyone, right? Like they have the friends that are just like taking from them asking of things, right? Not really giving anything to the relationship.Or they have the friends that are really fun, but they don't feel really emotionally connected to them. They're like, Ugh, I miss my home friends. Like, I just feel like if I'm having a bad day, I can't really talk to them about that what we tend to see is that people just out of fear, hold on to the friends that they kind of make initially, right?And really struggle with looking for people within this matrix that might fit a little bit more of the areas that are missing. And that it's okay to have some friends that are fun to go out with, right? But. You might need to [00:02:00] work harder on finding, let's say, what we would call an anchor friend, somebody that's really reliable and dependable, and that would be there for you when you're having a hard time or a family member's ill or, or something like that.Um, and then in the same vein, I had know a lot of people that like, have some of those friends, but maybe they're like the quiet, dependable friends, but they don't have any friends till they, they like wanna go out and maybe sometimes they wanna go out and just have like an adventure friend, a friend that they just wanna hang out with.So, um, what I think is important is to evaluate your friendships. You know, somebody had said something to me that, , not editing or adding to your friendships is a surefire way to be unhappy in your relationships, and that we should always, throughout our life, be on this process of editing, evaluating what are our friendships kind of doing for us, and adding or taking away from our friendship circle.Um, I think we've spoken a little bit about some of the social stuff. I wanted to talk really quickly about that there are some relationships that are not. Just peers in [00:03:00] college. Um, and I think this is, and I'd love to hear your thoughts about this, a neglected area, and I see this a lot with seniors that I work with, um, that they've gone four years and they don't have a single relationship with a professor or a mentor or someone on campus.In high school that, you've got your college counselor and you have this familiar face with someone, but depending on your university and how large it is, you can be pretty invisible on a college campus for a period of time and for some reason, and as someone who's taught before, professors are really scary for a lot of students.And they're not used to, I think like going to office hours, reaching out for help, sending emails. Any thoughts about navigating relationships that are not just your peer relationships, , on campus? I. I mean, yeah, so I think I got two examples specifically. One is more, I guess, professional and one's more friendly personal.Um, I've got one professor who, 'cause [00:04:00] obviously now you have these, the brand new professors are all of the later millennial, um, generation. So I have a professor who I had this year who has, you know, um, a halo, a big video game. He's got a halo helmet in his, in his office, and we talk about that stuff. And so even when you don't have, I guess, peer like connection, like at that moment, it, it is nice to have that, um, especially 'cause they can then also help with, you know, your schoolwork and then having a professional connection.Um, a professor who I'm gonna be doing my master's thesis research with, um. Yeah. That also helps, uh, in terms of just navigating what, like the, your, your next steps, you know, your future. Um, and that, I think those, they both kind of act on almost as anchors in their own rights mm-hmm. To help ease a lot of that, um, [00:05:00] underlying anxiety.I would say one of my biggest regrets. When it comes to things that I didn't take advantage of while I was at university, is definitely not going to office hours enough for professors. Um, something about it just always kind of scared me. Um, not even that it was scary to talk to professors, just that I had no idea what I was gonna say, uh, going into it.And I kind of felt like, well, if I have no real questions, like why should I go and talk to my professors and take up their time? Um, so I would say my biggest piece of advice is even if you don't have something that you're struggling with, definitely go to office hours at least once. Mm-hmm. Um, and professors are usually more than happy to talk to you, um, regardless, and it can be good to build up that rapport.Mm-hmm. Um, and the times that I did ask for helper or reached out, they were. More than receptive. Um, so really the help [00:06:00] is there if you ask for it. Mm-hmm. Just getting over the hurdle of figuring out how to ask can be a little tough. So, um, when I did do it, what helped me the most was kind of coming in with a plan of what I was gonna say.Um, but yeah, I wish I had taken more advantage of that resource.Um, yeah, I feel like, uh, in a professional relationship it's, it's a lot harder, especially, um, it really depends on the professor. Um, I mean, you can go to class and, you know, your professor seems awesome. They even fun. Like I had a statistics teacher this year, uh, and he was awesome, funny guy. Um, the class ended up only being guys.It was like 25 of us. Uh, he loved the joke and it was just, it was a great time. But then there's classes where, um, the teacher's really difficult. Um, maybe the homework's hard. The tests are hard. Um, and it makes it harder. It's kind of like a barrier. 'cause you don't. Wanna make a relationship with them. If they're already making your life hard enough, you're like, [00:07:00] you're like, Hey, I don't want to go see you, um, if I already don't like going to your class.So I feel like it's really dependent on who the professor is, um, but also that they leave an impact on you. This year I had to apply for study abroad for next year, um, and I had to get two teacher recommendations. And this is where I kind of thought about this, like, Hey, what two teachers can I even ask?Right? Which ones would even accept it or, you know, wanna help me out? And so just thinking back to it, um, my accounting teacher, uh, freshman year, I had him for both semesters. He, he overlapped our class into the second part of it. Um, so we, same people and everything, and he was awesome. I went to his office hours, really nice guy.Um, and so I reached out to him. Um, and I, I said, Hey, I would love if you would fill this out for me. And like, they sent him an email link. He never responded to me, but he still did it, so, okay. I feel like, I feel like he, he felt like our relationship was good enough to Right. And he knew me as a person that, right.He could do that. [00:08:00] Um, so yeah, I feel like it really just depends on, um, kind of like how they perceive themselves to you. Um Right. And I would say going to office hours, going to even there's tutors at the school, um, who are students both will help you, um, with your academics and Right. If you're confused, don't hesitate to ask a question, email them.They want to help you no matter what. Even if you don't like them, they'll still help you. Okay. They're either like eager to help. I know it's part of their job. I know. And it is reinforcing, and I always say like, prof, like there's nothing worse than a professor who sits in their office hours and nobody comes.By the way, does anyone listen to outros? Should we do one? Anyway, thanks for tuning in to. College is fine. Everything's fine. 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