Transcript

Feral Undead · The Danger Zoo

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Password accepted. Welcome to the Danger Zoo.
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Welcome back to the Department of anomalous and non human
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genetic entities, reconnaissance and zoological operations.
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I am Coyote. You're game warden and today is
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going to be hazy. Who's here?
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Night out. Can't be here with us.
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Thought he's back, so that's good.
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Hey, guys. I'm back because my ceiling fan
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can't hold my weight. So hazy.
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Would you like to fill Thotty in on what he's missed so far?
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We're just going to glaze over that joke you did.
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Are you OK? Do I need to call?
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Do I need to swat you? You won't.
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Where are we at? Are we at like in the Carolinas?
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No, your memory is bad. We're an Alabama Roll Tide I.
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Knew it was somewhere. All right, Alabama.
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I've been to both of those places and I can tell you one
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thing, they don't look like what I'm looking at right now.
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This. This is up in the mountains in
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the foothills of the Appalachian.
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We're out here fighting off Grunkle Daddy cousins.
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I'm smashing my cigarettes. No.
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And what was the wild thing? White thing.
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What? You know, it takes a lot of time
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for me to come up with these detailed stories and missions of
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what we're doing and like, what are we guys?
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What are we doing guys? And you're like, why a thing
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fighting it? Zombie girl boobies.
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We haven't. We haven't fought White Thing
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yet. We haven't found it.
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We're looking for it though. No, at least you know that part.
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Anyways, Toddy, what has happened was we were hired to
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come in and get this pale coffin back up to, I think it's
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Virginia we're headed to because it's family hired us to retrieve
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this coffin. Who has their dead family member
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in it who just died? Because the pale coffin itself
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or the white coffin is a superstition in Appalachian
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where it appears and it represents death.
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So we're going to snatch a physical representation of
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death? Kind of allegedly the guy's in
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the coffin, but when the coffin was at the Funeral Home, he got
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snatched up by white thing, which is a Cryptid in Alabama.
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A lot of people confuse it with like a Yeti or Bigfoot, but it's
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more like a cat like creature who broke into the Funeral Home
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and stole it. And so far, just to recap the
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story for you and the listeners, we landed via Hilo, met this old
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lady named EULA May baby bird got down with her.
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Good for him because he got his junk lit back.
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Yeah, I'm not surprised. Yeah, we made it through a
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couple weird vines that grew back, baby.
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Weird flash bang some squirrels. Wasted the vines or sentient?
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I don't know if they're sentient or magic.
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Either way, I don't like them because they don't pay taxes.
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So like no chemical horn? No, we haven't gotten there yet.
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That's when we go to Japan. Darn.
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So we're an abandoned lumber mill.
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There used to be a lodge where that big hole is, but then it
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became daylight, and when daylight hit, that lodge
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disappeared. We fought some, not deers, so I
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don't know if you know what those are, but that was fun.
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Not deers and these. Yeah, OK.
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They're deers that aren't quite right.
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They're like a little messed up. And then Baby Bird found the
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white coffin inside of the building.
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That was where that hole is. And then he threw a flash bang
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at it and it fell into the hole. And the other part of our job
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was we were told not to let the coffin touch the ground.
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Coffin touch the ground. But technically we don't know if
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it's touched the ground yet, it could still be falling.
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We're pretty sure it touched the ground.
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Damn. Anyways, zombies came up and
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started guarding it, but then when the lodge disappeared, when
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it became dawn, the zombies are no longer just guardians.
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Now they're kind of mean. Yeah, and apparently you can't
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kill them. Everybody gets mad at you for
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doing so. I thought that was a thing
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you're supposed to do, but you're like, don't kill him.
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We can't kill the zombies. No, you can kill him.
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He just kept killing him and more just kept popping up every
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time he killed 1. Oh yeah, that.
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And they were also not aggressive to us at all.
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Oh, they were just hanging out. They it looked like they were
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guarding the the lodge and he just kept attacking them.
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For shame. Yeah, but now we're going to go
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into Mission Start. Now the zombies are pissed off,
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and what's happening here is Night Owl and Hazy.
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They're actually in the underside of an outhouse hiding
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in the shit from the zombie that just came in.
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So the zombie doesn't see Hazy, however.
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Like a boss. All of a sudden Night Owl's
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night Owl's leg gets snatched and he's dragged out and he just
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screams and then you see him get thrown into the hole and you
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just hear him yell avenge me and he's gone.
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Doesn't see you hazy. I'm however still in this one
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room here and I'm I busted in this window and I was going to
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climb out of it to get away from the zombies.
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However, after I broke the glass, this zombie just busts in
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here and she's looking around just looking for me.
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So I say fuck that, we're we're, we're being hunted, but we're
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not exactly in battle yet. So I run West and then I run
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north and there's one last building we haven't checked.
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So I'm going to try and run into there.
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So I make it around, I'm running EI checked that first door and
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that door is open. And what happens when I go
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inside? You tell me and.
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When I walk in, there's a bearskin carpet in the in the
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middle of the room. There's a bunch of candles lit
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everywhere. There's a fireplace going and
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there's a bed in the top north part of it.
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And what do I see on that bed but Saudi laying there with a
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silk red robe on him, and he's just throwing petals up into the
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air. And I run in.
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I slam the door behind me and I start barricading the door.
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And I look over and I see you. And I go, what?
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What? Hello Princess, I've been
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waiting for you. The ultimate treasure.
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What are you fucking doing? We're out here fucking
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searching, fucking fighting zombies.
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You're right here just fiddling with yourself.
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Oh Princess, don't talk to Daddy like that.
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I'm not having any of this. I go over here and I grab your
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gear in the corner and I throw your gear at you and I'm like,
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get dressed, we're going to die. Fine, yeah, so I guess I put on
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all my gear. You know, I'm side eyeing you as
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I put on every layer like you. Sure.
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I'm just Sonic the Hedgehog chewing.
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I'm just standing over, my arms crossed, just tapping my feet,
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checking my watch. OK, so now that I'm geared up
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and blue bald, what's the situation?
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You were just informed. Yeah I know, but I want him to
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tell me in game. Pretty Kitty gone, don't know
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where he is. Baby bird also gone.
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Fell in a big fell in a hole. Hole got bigger, building
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disappeared. Didn't look like it fell in, but
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it's gone gone. Big bada boob.
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Also we we found a mercenary. His entire team was killed.
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His name is Night Owl, Says he might have heard of you.
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We hired him. He also just gone right now.
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Big hole. Oh, you talking about that?
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That dude that you know what I know you're talking about?
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He's my other boy toy besides you.
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Yeah, he's your foreign boy toy. No, no, no.
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He's he's definitely very white. Yes, he's, he's a very white.
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He is mayonnaise white. I mean, like you met him in a
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foreign country. Foreign.
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Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Good times in Thailand, me and
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him. Thailand is God's blind spot.
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Don't me and him, no. OK, meanwhile.
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Now you're updated and I go over the radio, hazy as you're hiding
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from a zombie. Your radio crackles, hazy, hazy,
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can you hear me? And noise starts coming out of
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it and that zombie starts slamming on the shitter trying
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to get you. I'm going to pull up my gun.
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Oh, wait, I can't shoot them. Damn it.
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I don't know. I guess I'm just going.
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To Now would be the time to shoot, man, I would shoot.
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Now we're shooting. All right?
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Yeah, I'm going to aim for the head the best way I can.
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And the shit just shoot. Hopefully it doesn't like clog
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on me. Yes, now as the time where they
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are attacking us is the time to attack them, correct?
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Fire away. Oh my God, man.
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Plus my plus my what? Dexterity.
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Yep. Yeah.
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So it was a Nat 1, so A5. And not only does it miss him,
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but it tears apart the wood that was holding him back from
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getting to you. And now he's just on top of you.
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Everyone can roll for initiative now.
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Sweet. 71738. 17. 38. I rolled a 19.
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OK, it's going to go. Me, it's going to go the zombie
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that's by hazy. It's going to go the female
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zombie known as Madison, and then it's going to go the zombie
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to the east of the hole or to the West of the hole, then
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thoughty and then it's going to go the zombie to the east of the
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hole. So I go first.
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I can't. I can't help but how you didn't
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mention me. Oh, you guys have?
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No, Yeah, it goes me, that zombie that's with you and then
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you after him. Sorry.
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Yeah, the reason why I rolled solo on my initiative is so low
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is because he's blue balled me. So now I have to carry around
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these heavy undrained balls. On my first move I tap him in
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the balls. Ball tap.
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You know, now do I think about it?
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I shouldn't have said how heavy they.
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Were Yep. Well, I'm going to see if we can
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get you to release. I got a Nat 20.
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Oh God. Oh no.
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I I ball tap you and actually I I apparently let me know what
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happens. You let me know.
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You tap me, you, you tap me. The ball was like a playful ball
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tap, right? Wasn't supposed to actually like
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hurt me. You know, it's supposed to be
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like one of those bro moments. And then you see my knees buckle
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and I just fall to the floor and you're like, hey, man, that
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shouldn't have hurt that bad. I'm like.
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I just. Came Yeah, we're definitely
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never getting monetized. All right, well, for my 1 1/2
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moves, I'm going to put some hand sanitizer on my hands real
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quick. This zombie is going to attack
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you. Hazy.
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Let me pull up his sheet. Let's see.
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What is he? He's going to.
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He's going to attack you with an axe.
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What? What's my HP at?
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I thought I was like damn near dead so this is not good for me.
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Yeah. No, you're out of five.
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Son of a bitch. But he rolled A10 and your AC is
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higher than that so he's like swiping the axe at you and just
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barely misses you and he hits the wood.
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Pull out that gun, let's hope for the best again and.
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We already got the gun, fucking blast him.
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Hey, that's a lot better, Dirty 20.
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Oh, dirty 20. Yeah, you shoot him.
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Let's see, give me some damage. 4.
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OK, you you shoot him. Bam.
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His shoulder just kind of like flinches back, barely fazed him.
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Son. Of a bitch.
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But since you fired that weapon, all these zombies start coming
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towards you because you made all the noise.
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So let's see, what, what order did that go in?
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Oh fuck, I forgot to write it down.
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I really should have written it down.
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That guy went. That guy went female zombie dual
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wielding axis. She comes running outside and
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she makes outside the building. She heard the noise outside but
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she is not 100% sure where. The zombie to the east all the
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way over here. He hears gunfire but as he runs
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W because he's not a smart zombie he just falls in the
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hole. So that one's gone haha.
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Knock another one down from me. Yeah.
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What's up? Oh, it's my turn, finally.
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Yes. OK, well I'm going to run
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towards hazy. I'm going to take the path and
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go South SE run into the zombie to the West of the hole.
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Can I like shoulder him into the hole?
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Can I roll for that like a like a running back?
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I mean, you're trucking pretty hard already, it shouldn't be
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too hard to do that. Go ahead and do a combo move for
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that. However, give me odds or evens.
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Tell me or pick one. Evens all.
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Right. What'd you roll?
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Hold on, OK, I have my modifiers.
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I'm assuming Shrey or dex. It's it's an athletic run.
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Do that Dex. OK, 12.
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And you picked even. Yeah.
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Oh, you lucky kid. Yeah.
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You come running, you hit that zombie and you just sent him
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flying. And because you said even not
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odds, you had very sure footing and you did not fall along with
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him. You came to an abrupt stop right
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there at the edge. Like a boss.
15:03
Yeah. Yep.
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So now there's only two zombies, the the zombie and the shitter.
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And then the female zombie who we were talking to earlier.
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Who she called Night Owl Daddy and charged at him.
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Oh yeah, she was pretty into him for a second can.
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You. Oh yeah, We found a newspaper
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article with information on her Hazy.
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Do you remember what that information was?
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Her daddy owned the fucking mail.
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Something happened, They sold it, wasn't it?
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What did it happen? Wait, wait, wait.
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Did she say like, did she go like oh daddy or did she say
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like daddy? No, she she inherited it.
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They were trying to buy it from her.
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I think it's what it was. But then they she didn't like
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they kill her because of that. I'll tell you what.
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I'm not even close, am I? I'm not even fucking closer.
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No, you're not. I'll tell you what, when this
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cools down I'll let you know. Anyways, it's my turn.
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I come running out of the house, so I follow afterthoughty and I
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make it to like right behind him and he's too big to go around
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otherwise I'm going to fall in that hole.
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So I'm stopped right here. Hey, I am fluffy.
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Yeah, but it's very small and that that hole is deep and I'm
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not doing that. That's what he said.
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Actually, let me take a look roll real quick.
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Hey I'm still in a thing of shit, y'all can help me?
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Yeah, we're trying. Yeah, my turn's over.
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We got rid of 2 zombies already. I say we gravity got rid of 2
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zombies already. Hazy, you're up.
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Nice. Does this zombie still worry
16:38
about me or is he like worried about outside noise?
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No, he's thinking about what he wants for dinner.
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Yes, he's fucking. He's after you, OK.
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Well, I'm going to line up that shot again.
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Hope for the best. Give it her a go.
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Oh, that's 22. 22 All right, that hits give me.
17:02
Damage. What that damage do?
17:05
5. Yeah, you, you hit him again.
17:08
His shoulder, his other shoulder goes back a little bit, but he
17:12
is persistent. You.
17:15
He acts like you owe him fucking money.
17:18
I probably do. He's like, who is this guy's
17:20
before he died? He's a zombie.
17:23
He's a lumberjack. Anyways, he takes a swing at
17:25
you. What's your age?
17:28
Oh, it's 11. So he he keeps missing.
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I mean, you're in a shitter. He's keeps swinging this axe and
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he's hitting everything but you because he's got no swinging
17:36
room. So kind of plus for you, the
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female zombie, she starts trucking around here and she
17:44
heads N, but when she gets to where she's about to turn and go
17:47
into the north door to the shitter, she sees Thalte north
17:52
of us. She sees my hunk of herself.
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Yep, and she is going to come at thoughting She makes it within
18:01
10 feet of him. Then to that zombie's gone.
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That zombie's gone, Thought you're back up.
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OK, he. Said Let's dance.
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OK, a little bit of a team, a little bit of a team play move
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here. So I'm going to go at the female
18:16
zombie and then I'm going to try to like grapple her, like grab
18:23
her by her wrist and move her out of the way and like the hope
18:27
that like you can come behind me and go help Hazy.
18:30
Oh, when you said you're going to do a teamwork thing, I
18:32
thought you were going to fucking gimli me.
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Like, you're going to have to toss me.
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I mean, I'm cool with The Wolverine hole throw.
18:43
I'm, I'm 57, I can be tossed pretty well.
18:46
OK, go go restrain this crazy lumberjack zombie. 19 Oh wait,
18:55
that's actually 20 one I have grapple master.
18:58
Oh thank God, because that was not going to hit.
19:02
You go to restrain her. You get one of her arms
19:05
restrained. The other one is a reaction
19:07
because there's an axe in both hands and she takes a swing at
19:10
you for a reaction. OK.
19:13
Oh no. And you have no head.
19:17
Hey I got I got an HPI, got HP. Yeah, she got a net 20, so let's
19:23
see what her damage is. She's going to roll, she's
19:26
swinging in that dual axe, but it's going to reduce it.
19:30
No, it's a + 13. Plus 13.
19:37
For for attack, it's +8 for damage, I mean, still 8, but
19:42
it's going to be AD 12, it's going to be AD 12 roll.
19:45
It's going to double because it's a crit, and then it's going
19:48
to add 8. Holy fuck dude.
19:52
Hey man, you got tank, Tanks got a tank I guess, right?
19:56
I guess 6 of 1212 plates. So they she hit you for 20
20:00
points of HP. Damn damn, that's like all of my
20:05
HP. I got 4 HP left.
20:08
It it sure is. Let me update your stats for
20:11
you. Well, did I?
20:12
Did I at least succeed in moving her out of the way?
20:14
So you can go help Hazy. Oh yeah, there's plenty of room.
20:18
You ran up, you snatched the one arm and when you were trying to
20:21
grab the other one. She's used to have fighting off
20:23
bigger men. She grew up, you know, tomboy
20:25
fighting boys in the woods and growing up as a lumberjack isn't
20:29
exactly a woman's trade back then.
20:31
So she's she's pretty fucking tough.
20:33
And she was expecting it. And she swung that accent, just
20:36
stuck it into your side. That's OK.
20:40
You're also going to take slashing bleed damage from it.
20:47
Speaking of which, I'm still bleeding out.
20:48
I forgot I cut my hand and I have not had time to bring that
20:52
down and I've lost. Let's see, I'm probably down to
20:58
shit. I'm down to 9 HP.
21:00
Well, you got more than me. Probably not more than me.
21:04
I mean, yeah. Yeah, I'm still at 5:00.
21:08
Man, I might actually have to heal.
21:11
Just hoping for the best in the shitter over here.
21:14
Meanwhile, you're trying to like, you know, bear hug.
21:17
Yeah, this chick with axes getting shot down.
21:21
Jesus all right, so that was your go.
21:24
It's my go. I come running past you.
21:27
I'm going to try to do I I'm just going to take bleed points
21:31
until we're out of this. I make it past you and I make it
21:34
to the zombie right behind hazy. I'm not super athletic, so I'm
21:38
just going to make it here and that's going to be my full turn
21:40
because I'm fucking also trying to avoid falling into this pit,
21:45
not pushing into you, not pushing into her, and I'm
21:47
bleeding, so my turn's over. So this zombie's going to take
21:51
another swing at Hazy with your. What are you at now, Hazy?
21:56
5 points. Oh, when the zombie swings its
22:02
axe this time it goes overhead and it just shoves.
22:05
It bangs right into the ceiling and it's stuck.
22:07
So now his axe is stuck and he's just yanking on it.
22:11
Hazy, You're up. Do something.
22:14
OK, I'm pulling out my fucking knife and just like jabbing it
22:18
in his fucking head. OK.
22:20
That's going to be a strength check and it's pretty close
22:23
quarters roll with advantage for that.
22:26
Well, I'll definitely go with the net 20.
22:28
So that makes that 22. Oh absolutely.
22:31
You jab that knife right into his head and he just and his
22:36
hand slump and he like slowly just kind of looks at you and me
22:41
goes to turn around like he's leaving like he forgot he forgot
22:45
what he was doing and he's just turning around and he just kind
22:48
of sees me and just slumps over. 1 zombie down.
22:53
Neat. Pretty sure I've killed almost
22:56
every single zombie. Almost.
23:00
I know you think that's a good thing, but I can tell you as Adm
23:04
it wasn't. Well, just let it know when it
23:08
becomes not a good thing. I'll still be bragging about it,
23:11
you know. It was it was not a good thing
23:13
from the beginning. Now it's a good thing for sure.
23:16
All right, back to home girl. It's her turn.
23:19
Because that last one was just a reaction.
23:21
She still has a hand free. What is she going to do?
23:25
Probably finish me off. We're going to flip a coin real
23:29
quick. On how she's going to finish him
23:32
off in a good way or a bad way. Thought he'd call it.
23:36
Tails. Oh thanks.
23:41
She looks back as I ran by. She saw me, but she she figured
23:46
you were more the threat, so she pulls her axe out of you.
23:51
Nice. And goes to take another swing
23:53
at you. Had you called if you called
23:56
heads she would have she would have caught me in the back with
23:58
an axe. Oh God, what's your AC thoughty?
24:06
Hold on, hold on, sit. Wait, is the AC you put on the
24:11
sheet include my vest? Yeah. 16.
24:17
OK, so she hits. That's a 19's going to hit.
24:21
She hits you for 12 points of damage, starting God Almighty.
24:28
Yeah, I'm, I'm down. You are down and you have let go
24:33
of her because you're not going to hold on to that.
24:37
Let's see, what am I going to do?
24:39
What am I going to do? What do I have?
24:42
Oh. I'm looking for something too.
24:44
I don't have shit to help out with that.
24:47
You're fucking zombies, man. We got to try fire on these
24:49
guys. I'm about to cast.
24:51
Lava telos manos. And beat these heathens with
24:55
soap flavored fire. And that's going to be my I
25:00
forgot what I use for that. It's not.
25:03
It's my intelligence, I think. Either intelligence or charisma.
25:07
That's my guess. Yeah, it's my faith and rituals,
25:11
which is intelligence. So that's four.
25:14
So let's fucking pray. I'm going to get her from behind
25:19
too. So we got her flanked.
25:20
Oh, let's go. I hit her like I'm like, let's
25:25
see what's what's a good we've used flame on give me another
25:31
like catch phrase to say before I so I can light this fire
25:34
because I got to say something like that for it.
25:36
It's getting hot in here. Let there be light.
25:39
I'm going to go with Nelly. It's getting out of here, so
25:42
take off all your clothes. My hand catches on fire and I
25:46
slap her on the back of her head.
25:50
Back of her head because she's a zombie, but still, I'm not going
25:53
to be that guy. Our count.
25:56
No. Sure, sure.
25:59
Now you have morals. I always have them they're I
26:03
just forget them places sometimes all right so I hit her
26:06
with that Let's see what damage do I cause only one I did.
26:12
Oh, I forgot what I rolled for my damage last time.
26:14
I really got to put that in sheets, but I'm going to assume
26:17
it's AD 6, so we're going to roll that plus 24 points of
26:21
damage. I smack her in the back and she
26:25
instead of two points of damage, she actually takes 4 points of
26:27
damage and she catches on fire completely, which is horrifying
26:34
because now she's a flaming zombie.
26:37
Does she panic? She does not panic.
26:40
No. All right, that's cool.
26:42
That's my turn. Hazy.
26:43
What are you doing, buddy? Well, I guess I'm going to at
26:51
least get out of the shitter, right?
26:53
Sure. Yeah, you can do that.
26:55
I would like to do that. Crawl out of that shitter.
26:59
I would like to walk outside, some fresh air.
27:01
It's been a minute. Take a look around, see what's
27:05
happening. All right, I'm going to pull out
27:08
my grappling hook and shoot her in the face.
27:11
Jesus. Well, she's facing away from me.
27:14
She has not turned around yet, so you would have to go all the
27:19
way around her to shoot her in the face.
27:21
Shoot her in the back of the face.
27:23
OK, I'll shoot her in the leg. Go ahead, send it.
27:27
Now here's the thing that happened last time, because you
27:30
were like just shooting at a zombie.
27:32
That thing is used to restrain. Are you trying to restrain them
27:34
or shoot them? Well, it's a grappling hook.
27:37
It like can grab a hold of it and I can control it a little
27:41
bit, right? So you're trying to restrain
27:43
her? Well I only say I thought if I
27:46
shot her in the leg I could like like retract it and at least
27:51
like pulling the leg out from under.
27:53
OK, yeah, cool fire. My bad.
27:57
Yeah, that's exactly what I want to do.
27:59
All right, So 2 to 20 plus index.
28:05
That would be. Oh, nice.
28:07
So that's a dirty 20. That hits.
28:12
So what I'm retracting it or do I have to wait?
28:17
No, you hit her. Are you trying to yank her?
28:19
What are you trying to do? Just pull her towards you?
28:21
No, I'm just literally trying to like yank her leg out from
28:24
under. OK, yeah, He Yanks her out.
28:27
Ed knocks her down. She is on the ground.
28:30
She is flat footed to everything we do right now.
28:35
All right, it's her turn. I.
28:38
Think does it come out of her leg?
28:39
Does it like retract out off of her after that?
28:42
Or do I have to like waste a turn to get it off of her?
28:45
No, it's stuck in her leg in battle.
28:47
You do have to take a turn to wind it back up, but she's
28:51
trying to get up like immediately after, but you have
28:54
it hooked so she's not going anywhere.
28:56
So now it's a it's my turn and I go running over to you and I
29:01
grab the gun with you and I just tell you pull, pull, pull, pull.
29:05
And we start pulling this chick and we come around.
29:09
We skirt around the outside of the shitter right by the hole
29:12
trying not to fall in and we're pulling her.
29:14
So we're both going to roll a strength roll here, see if we
29:18
can beat her strength role and see if we can throw her in the
29:20
hole. That sound good?
29:24
Nope, I guess 16. I got a 16 as well.
29:30
I'm not very strong. Let's see what she got.
29:32
Me neither. Oh baby, not one like we we're
29:39
not even like super trying. We fling this girl just and
29:47
she's gone into the abyss. We go to celebrate and then I
29:51
collapse. I am down No.
29:58
So but save me. And thought he is also down.
30:02
Oh shit. But we're out of combat now.
30:04
Congratulations, gentlemen. Golf with that.
30:08
Patchy, patchy. Patchy, patchy, patchy.
30:11
Do I need to look for like berries to feed y'all?
30:17
Like put it in my mouth, chew it up, spit in yours.
30:19
No, Maybe. One of us has meds on our body.
30:23
Oh well, I definitely don't. So which one of y'all does?
30:26
Your adrenaline. I don't.
30:28
Yeah, adrenaline will get me up. Oh God, I'm just going to do a
30:32
medicine check on myself. I'm not.
30:33
I'm not dealing with the adrenaline.
30:37
Can I walk over to him and give him that shot of adrenaline that
30:39
he wants so bad? Absolutely go give him a shot of
30:43
adrenaline. Fuck yeah.
30:45
Dude, let me let me narrate this once he gives me the shot.
30:49
Go for it. I have a zero in medicine by the
30:52
way. This should be fun.
30:54
Adrenaline is easy, he's got to get it in my body.
30:58
I don't think that's how it works, is it?
31:01
It's like an auto. Injector, you just got to
31:03
penetrate my skin. Eject those seat colors.
31:08
I did my medicine check and I'm not up but I was able to stop my
31:12
bleeding so I'm stable. OK, so.
31:18
So you come over, you come over to me, right?
31:20
I have like the adrenaline injectors on my on my vest, on
31:24
my chest and you pull it out and you stab that shit right on my
31:27
shoulder and my eyes were like half closed.
31:31
I'm like, Oh my, I'm so cold, easy, please do something.
31:36
And then my eyes shoot open and I jump up and like knock you on
31:39
your ass. I'm like, Oh my God.
31:42
And. Then I pull out my gun and.
31:49
As as like I'm sitting there like I'm like, dude, that's best
31:56
high on the on the fucking planet Earth.
31:59
Steal a way to fly. I know a guy but.
32:05
I guess I'm still bleeding, right?
32:07
Yeah, I mean, you can stop the bleeding, you just got to roll.
32:09
That that bleeding intensified by 10.
32:14
Your heart's going pretty fast too.
32:16
Like yeah, I got a water fast. It's just like jetting out your
32:18
neck well. Actually, you know, adrenaline
32:23
shot had a coagulant in it. No it did not.
32:26
You're a coagulant. No, yeah, I guess I just, I I
32:30
got rolls off bleeding. I'll give it a shot before I ask
32:35
you guys for help. Sure.
32:37
Oh, don't need to. Not 20.
32:39
Very nice, very nice. As you both are celebrating that
32:43
you're up and feeling good, I come over the radio.
32:48
Oh God, this is it. This is, this is the big one.
32:53
I'm coming, Elizabeth. And then my radio goes silent.
32:59
I'm going to run towards you and.
33:01
I think we should check on. Frog splash you as hard as I
33:05
can. Are you going to run directly
33:07
towards me, or are you going to run around the shitter?
33:10
Now I have is there anything? Above it.
33:12
Good question I. Can grappling hook and swing and
33:15
just kind of like do an ultimate?
33:17
Wow. Frog Splash.
33:19
Do you try to spider man around it?
33:21
You really are tempting fate right now.
33:26
Go ahead, give me a swing over the pit of death.
33:31
Let's do it. It's how I roll.
33:33
So what is that it's going to be?
33:35
Your decks. Oh decks.
33:37
Well, you got a plus, so you it's you got to be your decks,
33:40
but you're using that gun which gives you the plus.
33:43
What does it give you? A plus fund?
33:44
It gives me the the two to climbing and stealing.
33:48
It's just the climbing. It's swinging.
33:50
Yeah, +2 is fine. So it's going to be your decks
33:53
+2 and then that. Oh, 13 even with all that?
34:02
Cool. You come swinging around and in
34:05
all your excitement you forgot. Like, yeah, some of that shit
34:09
was pretty dry, but not all of it in your hand just kind of
34:12
slips off. You go to the abyss.
34:17
Damn. It nice you want to you want to
34:19
yell any last words to us before you're gone?
34:22
No regards. Not even one letter.
34:28
No all. Right thoughty, what are you
34:36
doing? Well, I think I'm going to take
34:41
the long way around the outhouse.
34:44
Smart, smart. I've got all that adrenaline
34:47
pumping, man. That should just like, make you
34:48
jump in right after me, no hesitation.
34:50
I'm smart. You're trying to catch me?
34:53
I'm smart. All right, we're we're here.
34:56
I kneel down besides you and I grab your hand and I'm like
35:00
Cody. I'm here for you man.
35:01
What do you need? Tell me what you need.
35:05
I need a menthol please. I need AI, need a Newport.
35:12
I do. I do need a Newport.
35:15
Yeah, the smoker just got put in the hole.
35:19
I searched my bag. I pop out.
35:22
We're we're out of battle now. So I'm I'm going to take a short
35:25
break and I'm going to smoke me a Newport and let me see.
35:29
A smoke break. Yeah, that's our, that's our
35:32
short rest. And see my hit dice for that is
35:35
AD 8. So I'm going to roll AD 8 and
35:37
see how much ACI get back. Do you want to roll for how much
35:41
health you can get back? Yeah, what do I roll again?
35:44
Not ACHP. For HP, it'll be right next to
35:48
your initiative. It'll have your hit dice on
35:51
there. That's what you roll.
35:52
Oh, OK, OK, good 5. 2 Hooray. So that means I'm at six because
36:00
I had one since I revived. Well, since AZ revived me,
36:04
right? Sounds right.
36:07
Or or did I get extra HP from the Nat 20 bandaging job?
36:15
You're up to 12, yes. Yes.
36:20
That sounds reasonable enough. What am I at?
36:24
Who are you again? If I fucking died again I want
36:29
to be so pissed. Hold your dice.
36:32
What is it? What is what?
36:36
You got to roll your head dice to see what you got during the
36:39
smoke break, wherever you are smoking as you fall in the pit
36:42
of abyss. That would be my first instinct
36:45
because I do have a Newport on me.
36:46
So there you go, mother fuck man 2.
36:51
Hey, that's what I got. What did you have before?
36:54
You weren't like all the way down.
36:55
You were like back up to five. So you're at 7 now.
36:59
Yeah, I haven't got touched yet. Yeah, that's not bad.
37:02
You're at 7, I'm at 3. Unless fucking thought he wants
37:05
to do a medical fucking check on me and help me out while I'm
37:07
smoking. See, I have a medicine of one.
37:12
Are you sure you want that? I have a medicine of 0.
37:18
I can, I can. Do a medicine check on you if
37:20
you really want me to. You're the specialist.
37:24
I already did a medicine check on me.
37:26
I can't. I can't do another one.
37:27
That's what got me up. That's what stopped the bleeding
37:29
was my medicine check. Do you want me to do one?
37:32
I'll do 1. Yeah, please.
37:34
I'm at three, man. If I get fucking hit by a
37:36
falling branch, I'm out. All righty, cigarettes.
37:41
Oh, you lucky bastard, 13. Jesus.
37:47
All right, I'm going to roll my hit dice again.
37:49
Let's go, baby. Oh, I got a free.
37:54
I'm up to six, baby. I'm up, I'm about and I fill
37:59
Saudi and I'm like, hey, that zombie is out of her mind.
38:05
We found a newspaper that was saying her father and her
38:08
brothers were selling the lumber mill to the government so they
38:12
can conduct weapons testing out here.
38:15
She got mad about it. She hatched up her dad and her
38:18
brothers just choppity chop killed them.
38:22
The police got called, shot her by bang the bang, bang, bang.
38:27
And then I guess they buried her in the ground and the town got
38:30
abandoned because all the rights got sold off.
38:32
And. Yeah.
38:34
Do you think she's single? You know, I didn't have a chance
38:38
to ask, but. OK.
38:41
I Look North of us where the grappling hook is just kind of
38:43
hanging down into the hole where Hazy went.
38:46
I was like, we could go find her and find out if you want.
38:51
Yeah, I mean, night out hazier down there too, so it's probably
38:55
a good idea. And baby bird.
38:57
Who? I don't know where pretty Kitty
38:59
is though. I'm.
39:01
Going to come come across the headset that take care of my
39:04
hook so mine. Interesting.
39:09
What an interesting thing for him to say on the radio.
39:12
You go over the radio and we don't hear anything.
39:15
All we hear is. Damn.
39:18
It all right? Are we going down this rope or
39:20
are we? We want to finish investigating
39:21
these houses before we go or what?
39:23
Oh, that was another thing. We found three really weird
39:26
fucking nails and I saw that the coffin was missing at least one
39:31
nail. I don't know how many it was
39:33
missing. It fell really fast.
39:36
Do we have the nails on us? So.
39:40
Here's the thing. Nidal had one.
39:43
Hazy had two. Because he had the spectral
39:46
grasp to pick it up. Because I wasn't touching that
39:48
weird shit, because there's all sorts of weird noises and black
39:50
goo coming from that stuff. Huh.
39:56
You know what? We just, we just took a smoke
40:00
break. I say we just go down and help
40:01
our friends. All right, let's climb down.
40:05
Yeah. So we're going to do a climbing
40:07
roll. You can it's going to be
40:10
athletics, but you're going to get a + 2 because we're using
40:12
his climbers keepers. Oh, sweet.
40:15
Yeah, no, I, I, I go down there. I'm gone.
40:19
You. Said plus you said Dex.
40:24
Yep, Dex and then +2. With dex or or wait athletics,
40:29
you said? Sorry, yes, athletics.
40:33
Oh, so that's a + 4 for me. That's a 22.
40:39
Oh yeah, you slid down at one handed, just like saluting like
40:43
Captain America for some reason. I don't know who you were
40:45
saluting or why, but. Hell yeah.
40:51
Posing for the 4th wall. Yeah, I stare into the
40:56
metaphorical cameras. I slide down.
41:01
So we come down here, we slide down.
41:04
Boop, boop. We're on this little ledge over
41:06
here. Can you?
41:07
Oh wait, do you guys know what map we're on now?
41:09
Yes. Yeah, I can see it.
41:11
OK. Pretty sure I know I'm fucked.
41:16
As we climb down, we finally get to the bottom.
41:19
There's no light here. We're going to have to use our
41:20
flashlights. But as we were climbing, we saw
41:23
Hazy. Well, sorry.
41:26
We saw the lit end of his cigarette and we called out to
41:30
him. Like Hazy.
41:31
Hazy, is that you? See.
41:34
OK, cool. Just keep going.
41:36
Climb all the way down. He's speaking in tongues.
41:39
He's not OK. Jesus.
41:41
I pulled out a couple glow sticks and I light him up and I
41:44
start throwing them all over the place and this little cavern
41:46
area that we're in is lit up and what we see is hazy, is held up
41:51
by silk webbings suspending him over a cavernous pit that goes
41:55
down for even further. I don't know how long the cavern
41:59
around us has swallowed the flashlight beams going up.
42:03
Something huge moves in the darkness, across the ceilings
42:06
and across the walls. Just legs skittering, shifting,
42:11
the web trembling. Every so often, even when heavy
42:13
hazy is not moving, a couple footsteps are heard down a
42:17
corridor to the southeast of us. So pretty dimly lit.
42:22
Can't see super well, but we can.
42:25
We can see shapes for the most part here.
42:27
Hazy, don't fucking move. Oh wait till it's my fucking
42:34
turn to move. Can I?
42:38
Can I do something? You can do whatever you want.
42:41
Yeah, I want to freak out because I'm the one in the
42:44
fucking web and I'm going to shoot my flare right?
42:48
Try to light some shit on fire. The web that's suspending you
42:51
over the big hole. Fuck yes.
42:54
No, you're not. I'm going to.
43:01
Nevermind. Oh, it also says alerts foes and
43:04
team to location. Yes, let me let me read that
43:07
again. Nevermind.
43:07
Nevermind. You're lucky you're rethinking
43:13
that because I was about to knock you the fuck out.
43:17
Dude he's 51058. Dude, he's like 50 feet away
43:19
from you. This is a huge cavern.
43:22
I was going to throw something at.
43:25
Them and honestly, I didn't I didn't get the visual of it.
43:29
We're we're actually looking like straight down at this.
43:32
And now I'm my Vertigo kind of kicked in.
43:35
So I feel kind of nauseous. Hazy calm the fuck down.
43:41
I'm like whispering to like hazy calm the fuck down.
43:44
Oh my God. While this is happening I take
43:48
the the rope from thought he because he was the last one down
43:52
and I start winding up the climbers keepers hazy light a
43:56
glow stick so I can have a better aim to shoot this at you
43:59
do. I have a glow stick.
44:02
Yes, we all have them. Yeah.
44:04
Model. It's a it's in your adventure
44:08
kit. Sure.
44:09
OK, I have not added to the stats.
44:12
Adventure kit and then I pull out a glow stick to hand the
44:15
dandy glow stick. Like I like I said, if you could
44:19
come up with something and it's within reason, like if you're
44:21
like I pull out a fucking 50 Cal out of my backpack, no.
44:24
But if you're like, I pull out, yeah.
44:25
But something that you would probably actually have.
44:27
Yeah, if I pull out a Nature Valley bar, all right, you take
44:30
2 two plus to your HP. Oh, you're shaming me?
44:34
Well, while you're doing that, I'm eating a Nature Valley bar.
44:37
I'm taking a Nature Valley bar that's 2 for me.
44:39
I wanted 2 for a hunger man hunger man dinner.
44:42
OK, that's one for hazy there's. A microwave.
44:45
I'm back up to 14 baby. Hazy's at 8, thought he is at
44:50
14. Hazy you ate a frozen dinner
44:52
that gave you one fucking HP Good for you.
44:55
Son of a bitch. And IBS.
45:02
I'm shit down right above the hole so it's OK.
45:05
All right, everyone concentrate. I'm going to fire this thing.
45:08
What are you firing? I'm firing your gun at you.
45:12
Oh, the grappling I got you. You're climbers keepers and I
45:15
shoot it and it overshoots you and it slips out of my hands and
45:20
it just hits the webbing and the webbing starts shaking.
45:23
I'm like, oh, I just freeze. I just look at thought he like,
45:29
that's my bad. That is my bad.
45:32
I'll put it. Look at y'all like.
45:34
Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.
45:36
Appeal to the DM or GM here, or Warden.
45:40
The GW. So I have an ability slash skill
45:44
called Grapple Master. Oh no.
45:46
Now normally more are ladies grappling, as in like wrestling,
45:52
but like, uh huh, grappling hooks.
45:56
Eh, well, that hook is gone. It's out there on the web with
45:58
him. So how far?
46:01
Away. How spiders?
46:03
How far away is it? Can I like?
46:06
Am I able to like, you know, like, like really like climb
46:09
onto the edge and reach and grab it or is it too far away?
46:12
So the hook is a little past hazy, and the gun is right there
46:16
at the edge of the webbing, right where the abyss is.
46:20
Man, my family stole that shit fair and square.
46:22
Nobody better let that shit hit the fucking.
46:25
You're the one that. Let it go in the 1st place.
46:26
Fuck you, you go get it. Hey, no, hey, by the way, I was
46:30
trying to save, you know, Coyote's life.
46:32
Come on. Come on.
46:33
OK. Here so you see the the the
46:38
cluster of three eggs directly to the east of us.
46:43
Yeah. Oh, so like, is that like a
46:46
little platform that they're on? Yes.
46:52
Am I able to like tiptoe out there and grab the grappling
46:55
hook? To that platform, you'd have to
46:58
go down and then underneath all the other webbing that reaches
47:02
that little platform. Am I able to do it?
47:07
Yeah, go for it. And your all knowing opinion I.
47:15
Played Diablo. Don't do it.
47:17
Sorry I. Didn't mean to laugh like that.
47:21
Is is the webbing lacking in density enough where I and my
47:27
thick bodied self could get down there?
47:32
I don't know. I hate you.
47:34
I hate you. Because I ain't going down there
47:38
to check. I don't know.
47:40
Anyways, soddy, you move east like you're about to go down
47:43
that ledge, but right before you do, to the east of us there's a
47:49
creature that moves. We thought it was shadows on the
47:53
eastern wall. No, there isn't.
47:54
Sorry. But it we thought it was a wall.
47:59
It wasn't a wall, it was a creature.
48:01
And it just slowly moves and it steps into the light right in
48:04
front of you. Nope, no it isn't.
48:06
Can I roll charisma to to tell you No there isn't?
48:10
Nope. And that's it for today's
48:11
episode. Find out what's about to eat
48:13
Thoughty's face hole when we come back.
48:17
No, everybody say goodbye. Bye transmission loss team
48:27
status unknown.