Latest / Adventures in Adversity: an inspirational podcast / Ep. 84: Chasing Tigers in the Dark - from buried nightmares to fierce survival with author Ally Shaw

Transcript

Ep. 84: Chasing Tigers in the Dark - from buried nightmares to fierce survival with author Ally Shaw · Adventures in Adversity: an inspirational podcast

• 0:00
  All right, here I go again saying we are back.
• 0:03
  It is my default intro because I'm so excited to be back.
• 0:08
  This will be episode 8484. I am so happy and I like grin
• 0:15
  like the Grinch here whenever I say a new episode because it's
• 0:19
  just it's a blessing every time I get to sit down and if it with
• 0:23
  somebody who is willing to share their story.
• 0:25
  So if you're new here, before I introduce my fabulous guest, if
• 0:30
  you're new here, this podcast is essentially a place where we
• 0:35
  feature real people who tell true stories about how they have
• 0:39
  turned their life's adversity into an adventure, which I know
• 0:44
  if you are listening and you are human, if you're a dog, you're
• 0:48
  you, you have adversity too. If you're hearing this, I don't
• 0:50
  know where that came from. That was random, but that's the
• 0:54
  podcast. But everybody goes through
• 0:56
  adversity, right? Some people have little things,
• 0:59
  big things. And so the goal of this podcast
• 1:03
  is to just create a space where we talk about it.
• 1:05
  So with that, I would like to gratefully introduce my next
• 1:10
  guest, Ali Shaw. Hello Bree.
• 1:14
  Hello listeners. It's so great to be with you for
• 1:17
  lucky number 84. 8480. Four I love.
• 1:21
  Saying that, it's back in the day when I had episode one, just
• 1:27
  dreaming A Little Dream. Here we are right 83.
• 1:30
  Episodes later, congratulations. Thank you.
• 1:33
  Thank you. Well, it wouldn't be possible if
• 1:36
  people like you weren't willing to sit down and talk with me.
• 1:41
  So thank you. And here's my favorite part
• 1:43
  where I get to read about you a little bit in front of you and
• 1:48
  my guests are like, oh gosh, here I get to hear about it, do
• 1:52
  a little intro. And then what everybody loves is
• 1:54
  when I stop and then my guest starts telling their story about
• 1:58
  adversity, right? And how they're getting through
• 2:00
  it. So all right, a little intro to
• 2:02
  Ali before she shares her story. Ali, you are a Virginia born
• 2:07
  author. You are a motivational speaker
• 2:11
  and you are a long time Domino's franchise leader.
• 2:15
  Very cool part of a group that owns 17 locations.
• 2:20
  OK, so we're going to have to talk about business.
• 2:21
  We're going to have to talk about that coolest part.
• 2:25
  Your memoir Chasing Tigers in the dark Life Lessons of a
• 2:29
  Fierce Survivor was released in March 2022.
• 2:34
  And I would love to hear about this too.
• 2:36
  It's being re released in an expanded second edition.
• 2:40
  OK, I need I need to drink coffee to be ready.
• 2:44
  For your amazingness. Here need to be ready.
• 2:47
  So congratulations on that on being an author on being I think
• 2:54
  more importantly, being a survivor of adversity.
• 2:57
  Thank you. And the coolest part is that you
• 3:01
  are willing and open and have already shared your story, both
• 3:07
  verbally and in a beautiful memoir.
• 3:10
  Thank you. I appreciate that.
• 3:12
  Yeah, so tell me about that. Well, I'll start off by just
• 3:16
  saying that this conversation felt very fitting because I feel
• 3:21
  like when I don't know my my breakdown that led to the
• 3:28
  manifestation of the book really came from a place where I've
• 3:34
  forgotten how to connect with joy.
• 3:38
  And so actually connecting with adventure felt a little bit more
• 3:42
  feasible, you know, and then, but through adventure, right, we
• 3:48
  find purpose, meaning connection, which are the
• 3:52
  foundation of joy. So I've always felt like
• 3:56
  adventure and joy are meant to coincide, you know, meant to
• 4:02
  journey together. It's a marriage.
• 4:04
  So when I, when I connected with you on Instagram, I just knew
• 4:08
  that we would have a phenomenal conversation because it really
• 4:11
  seemed like we were aligned in our thought processes with
• 4:14
  regard to how, you know, I really believe that life's
• 4:18
  obstacles can spark the catalyst for our happily ever after, you
• 4:23
  know, and that that doesn't have to be like love related.
• 4:26
  That could be our happily ever after in our professional life
• 4:30
  with our parenting skills, you know, all of those things.
• 4:33
  So yes, so I, I am so excited to tell you this story and it's
• 4:40
  kind of hard to know where to start.
• 4:43
  You know, I was saying before, just so you guys know, behind
• 4:47
  the scenes, I was telling her, I'm like, we're probably going
• 4:49
  to need a Part 2 and we're going to need because I feel like I
• 4:53
  feel the same. We have a connection where I'm
• 4:55
  like, wait a second, we we have some stuff to to collaborate on
• 5:00
  or something. Yes, absolutely it wouldn't.
• 5:03
  I was learning more about, you know, the, the inspiration for
• 5:09
  why you started the podcast. It just, it felt very, they
• 5:13
  might be different stories, but just like the emotion behind it,
• 5:17
  the passion behind it felt very similar.
• 5:23
  You were telling me about how, you know, a lot of this was
• 5:27
  leading you to try to be, you know, the best possible parent
• 5:30
  for your children. And I don't know about you,
• 5:33
  girl, but the pandemic was a really like eye opening time for
• 5:38
  me. You know, all of our children, I
• 5:40
  know yours are younger, but, you know, my children were all
• 5:45
  consumed with, you know, mobile learning.
• 5:48
  They were in their rooms, they were on devices, you know, And
• 5:51
  so it left a lot of like quiet time for me, which wasn't always
• 5:56
  good. Yes, it's going to be.
• 5:58
  Good. And it can be disastrous at
• 6:00
  times. Oh yes, so for some reason, like
• 6:05
  all the triggers from, you know, decades of loss and, you know,
• 6:12
  just heartbreak kind of the dam broke and, you know, my
• 6:20
  mother-in-law was going through cancer at the time.
• 6:23
  And I I don't know whether it was like accessing the emotions
• 6:26
  of grief and uncertainty and fear and anxiety that kind of
• 6:30
  got me all stirred up with, you know, the things that I had
• 6:34
  suppressed. Because I don't know if you have
• 6:37
  this kind of experience. I'm a little older than you are,
• 6:40
  but I feel like my grandparents really modeled, you know, that
• 6:45
  silent generation mandate of, you know, we don't talk about
• 6:50
  hard things in public. We don't talk about our
• 6:52
  experiences from World War Two. We go to church and pray about
• 6:55
  it, but we certainly don't express it openly.
• 7:00
  And so, you know, from the time I was 18 years old, you know,
• 7:04
  some really bad things started happening, you know, in college,
• 7:08
  you know, they tell you college is supposed to be the best time
• 7:11
  of your life, right? Yeah.
• 7:13
  I did not have that experience. I get it.
• 7:19
  Really. OK.
• 7:20
  I. Get it?
• 7:21
  Yeah, Because you have this big expectation.
• 7:22
  You're like, excited, right? Yeah.
• 7:25
  So, you know, as a sophomore, I I had all these big dreams, like
• 7:32
  I was going to be an opera singer.
• 7:33
  And I already had like my husband chosen, I was going to
• 7:37
  be like a mom. I had all these big goals,
• 7:39
  right. So the man I thought I would
• 7:42
  marry was killed by a drunk driver, that I was diagnosed
• 7:47
  with cancer in my neck, which is, you know, as a singer is not
• 7:50
  ideal. And then they told me I would
• 7:54
  never have children. And so, you know, like all of
• 7:58
  those things happening within, you know, a couple of years, it
• 8:01
  just kind of it left me in this place of brokenness where I
• 8:06
  didn't really know like all the plans I had made for my life.
• 8:10
  And, you know, I was I was talking to this delightful
• 8:13
  millennial podcaster yesterday and she was saying that, you
• 8:17
  know, she feels like her generation all is all about
• 8:20
  making plans. I mean, we all want to make
• 8:22
  plans. And when those plans in every
• 8:25
  category of your life are, you know, snatched away and go up in
• 8:31
  flames, it's it's tough, but it's also an opportunity, right?
• 8:37
  So, and you know, I won't tell you the whole story just because
• 8:42
  you know, then you wouldn't read the book, but.
• 8:45
  Yes, because that's what's that's my next step is reading
• 8:48
  your book. So this is a preview.
• 8:50
  Oh. You're so sweet.
• 8:51
  Well, I I'll just tell you like, that's kind of where it started
• 8:55
  for me. And the book was born out of 12
• 8:57
  different traumatic experiences. And you're a Christian.
• 9:03
  I'm a Christian. You know, through that process,
• 9:05
  I really leaned into Philippians 413.
• 9:07
  You know, I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens
• 9:10
  me. And I really felt like there was
• 9:12
  a bigger purpose for all that loss.
• 9:15
  And so I don't know, it's interesting, you know, we have
• 9:19
  these encounters when we're going through adversity.
• 9:23
  And I was dating this man one time and this was, you know,
• 9:28
  still, I still didn't have hair. You know, my hair was coming
• 9:31
  back in after chemo. And, you know, this man was
• 9:35
  wonderful in a lot of ways. But he said, I'm really drawn to
• 9:40
  you because you're broken. And when I heard those words, at
• 9:46
  first I was like, what? I'm not broken?
• 9:48
  What are you talking about? But you know, it really it it
• 9:54
  drove me to do some soul searching on that Brie and I was
• 9:59
  able to reframe the idea of being broken.
• 10:01
  So you want to hear it? Yes, please.
• 10:05
  I'm like I'm let me get out my notebook.
• 10:07
  So I. Can.
• 10:08
  Yeah, I will. I'll.
• 10:10
  Start as soon as we're done, I'll hang up and I'll be like
• 10:13
  step #1. Yes, you're so kind.
• 10:16
  So have you heard of Kintzugi before?
• 10:20
  Is it the Japanese thing? Yes, the the Japanese art that
• 10:25
  repairs broken pottery by filling the cracks with gold
• 10:28
  epoxy. So like when you think about
• 10:32
  that and you kind of imagine the cracks that we see, the CNN
• 10:38
  unseen scars, right, that we carry from our past.
• 10:42
  What if where the cracks are is where the light actually gets in
• 10:48
  instead of what shames us, right?
• 10:50
  Like what if that's the opportunity to see the life
• 10:53
  lesson and to be able to pay that forward, right?
• 10:57
  And so I wouldn't necessarily say that I consider myself
• 11:01
  broken, but that comment created a lot of work and growth,
• 11:10
  honestly, for me. So sometimes, you know, we, we
• 11:14
  encounter these folks and the first thing that they say, it
• 11:17
  can really piss us off, right? But then we're like, you know
• 11:22
  what, thank you for that. Because now I'm going to do the
• 11:25
  work and I'm going to find a way to flip the script and make this
• 11:28
  a positive connotation, right? That's a beautiful, beautiful
• 11:34
  way of looking at it. Because when you say that, I
• 11:37
  think anyone listening immediately, maybe in their
• 11:40
  mind, if we're all like a little vase, a big, big beautiful vase.
• 11:43
  They're like. You see the cracks like, OK,
• 11:46
  they went through this, they went through this, went through
• 11:48
  this. We know that.
• 11:49
  And then there's other cracks that nobody knows.
• 11:52
  Right. And then usually it's like, you
• 11:54
  see that vase and you're like, oh, that's, oh, that gosh.
• 11:57
  But it's a. It's actually completely
• 11:59
  different. Yeah.
• 12:02
  That's beautiful. Well, thank you.
• 12:05
  And I don't want to gloss over the fact that you survived
• 12:09
  cancer. I'm so sorry that that happened,
• 12:12
  that, that that tragic loss. And just that's, that's a lot.
• 12:20
  And you were in your 20s. Well, so I lost the boyfriend at
• 12:24
  18, and then cancer came like 1920.
• 12:28
  Yeah. So it was a lot.
• 12:30
  Your whole foundation of everything was rocked.
• 12:33
  Yeah. Everything.
• 12:35
  Yeah, I don't know if you've ever thought about like the
• 12:39
  triple curveball, you know, that superstition where they say bad
• 12:42
  things come in threes. You know, that's actually
• 12:46
  happened multiple times in my life.
• 12:48
  And honestly, you know, as difficult as it is, I really do
• 12:53
  feel like it. That's why I wanted to write the
• 12:55
  book because I feel like, you know, with my with my
• 12:59
  upbringing, I felt like that's why I kind of had that
• 13:04
  experience, the breakdown during COVID because things were just
• 13:07
  stacking up right, one after another.
• 13:10
  And this book allowed me to provide the resources and, you
• 13:14
  know, the playbook for how I was able to come through 12
• 13:17
  different traumas that had been suppressed for decades.
• 13:22
  So sometimes, you know, when something like that happens, you
• 13:25
  know, it provides that spark. We need to take action.
• 13:29
  Yes, it's the adversity. What is that quote?
• 13:32
  Adversity introduces like a man or woman to themselves.
• 13:37
  Yeah, that's beautiful. You're kind of like, wait, this
• 13:40
  is a tragedy. What are you talking about?
• 13:43
  And you're like, right, it's still a tragedy.
• 13:45
  Whatever you're going through. It's but that who you you're
• 13:48
  stripped down so bare that that you're like, who am I right,
• 13:53
  because you have no defense. Like it's almost like feels like
• 13:55
  you're just like, right? Yeah.
• 13:59
  Oh yeah. Continue, continue.
• 14:01
  You're just sparking so many realizations as I go so.
• 14:04
  Oh, you're so kind. Well, I think so.
• 14:08
  A lot of times people will say, well, what was like the big aha
• 14:12
  moment for you? And you know, it's funny, you
• 14:17
  know, I told you about those first 3 experiences and just
• 14:22
  the, the feeling of loss, the feeling of uncertainty, you
• 14:24
  know, chronic adversity, sorry, chronic anxiety, you know, it's
• 14:29
  kind of following me everywhere. But you know, it's funny because
• 14:35
  several years after I beat cancer, I actually got pregnant
• 14:39
  twice and carried two children without issue.
• 14:43
  They're perfect, you know, healthy, amazing adults now.
• 14:47
  And so sometimes, you know, we are given this shock of, you
• 14:54
  know, someone else determining what your future is going to
• 14:57
  look like, right? I thought, oh, gosh, I'm never
• 15:01
  going to have children and I'm never going to meet a man who
• 15:03
  will treat me the way this, you know, this person did, right?
• 15:09
  So I had the children and I ended up meeting my soul mate
• 15:13
  when I was like 35 years old. So, you know, things happen and
• 15:17
  we have these doubts and we're like, OK, my life is ruined.
• 15:20
  I'm not. I'm never going to be the same.
• 15:22
  You know, I might as well just like, give up.
• 15:25
  And I feel like my story allows people to connect, to hope
• 15:31
  because it wasn't just one doctor.
• 15:33
  It was all the doctors. They're like, yeah, it's not
• 15:35
  happening. And so I think sometimes, you
• 15:39
  know, when you just trust the process, believe, lean into your
• 15:44
  faith, you know, find, find a method for healing it can, you
• 15:49
  know, bring the most amazing miracles that you never knew
• 15:53
  were possible. So.
• 15:54
  It's it's incredible. And I, and I hope people
• 15:59
  listening to this right now are realizing that you truly do
• 16:05
  know. I mean, you've been you've
• 16:08
  you've seen and felt despair. And I think when you say 12
• 16:12
  different events, you because adversity and despair, I think
• 16:16
  different events have different, I mean, sadness is sadness and
• 16:19
  but like different events evoke different types.
• 16:22
  Like some shocking events, some you have time to process, some
• 16:27
  they're different, right? Like.
• 16:28
  Adversity. Comes in different shapes and
• 16:30
  sizes. And so you have an interesting
• 16:34
  perspective and I'm sure your book goes into it on like how
• 16:37
  you cope with all these different types, all that have a
• 16:41
  different way of bringing you to your knees, right?
• 16:44
  Absolutely. Yeah.
• 16:45
  I actually came up with a TIGER acronym for healing.
• 16:50
  So that's why we're releasing a second edition in March, because
• 16:55
  I had a experience in 2023 that really allowed me to finish a
• 17:01
  story that really felt very unfinished in 2022.
• 17:04
  And so it's the final chapter is about compounded grief.
• 17:10
  And then the grand finale, if you will, is the TIGER acronym
• 17:16
  connection with healing, you know, a very multifaceted
• 17:20
  approach to healing. So it's it's been really
• 17:23
  exciting to be able to finally finish the story because you
• 17:26
  know how that feels. You know, it's like we're in the
• 17:29
  middle of a story, right? And we're like, not sure how
• 17:32
  it's going to end. And we don't want to leave the
• 17:34
  conversation before we know how it's going to end.
• 17:37
  So now I can provide that ending that I feel is very timely.
• 17:41
  So yeah, it's exciting. So you had said you kind of you
• 17:45
  went through those three, you know, your first of many
• 17:48
  adversity that comes along your path.
• 17:51
  Take me back to sort of that time and again.
• 17:54
  Please check out the show notes for all of the links to your
• 17:58
  book and everything that's coming.
• 18:00
  So check the show notes, but take me through a high level
• 18:03
  sort of what comes next in your journey.
• 18:07
  Well, I do need to provide some trigger warnings because we do
• 18:09
  have sexual assault in this book, mental health struggle.
• 18:14
  So that's important to note. But yeah, you know, it's funny.
• 18:19
  I I think that's why my faith has continued to grow over the
• 18:25
  years, because I felt like I had a greater purpose with my 12
• 18:30
  different stories, if you will, because they just kept
• 18:33
  happening. Right, Bree?
• 18:34
  It's like this can't be an accident.
• 18:36
  There's got to be a reason for this, right?
• 18:39
  So, yeah. So college and Graduate School,
• 18:42
  I continued to have adversity follow me.
• 18:45
  I had two sexual assaults during those times. 1 was a family
• 18:49
  member. You know, it's just lots of, I
• 18:54
  felt like a target, honestly, Like metaphorically and, you
• 18:59
  know, realistically, I felt like a target.
• 19:01
  And I felt a lot of shame. And I remember feeling during
• 19:08
  COVID, sitting there and thinking about the assaults.
• 19:11
  And I now have a blended family of six daughters and one son.
• 19:16
  And I thought about the fact that none of my daughters knew
• 19:20
  anything about what I had gone through.
• 19:22
  And I thought about what could this information do for them in
• 19:27
  the future to help them assimilate the behavior of a
• 19:30
  predator before becoming a victim.
• 19:33
  So it started there. I thought about their beautiful
• 19:35
  faces. I thought about them, you know,
• 19:38
  venturing through this world with, you know, all the hope and
• 19:42
  positivity that, you know, that they could wear and just being
• 19:49
  unaware that there are things out there that could hurt them.
• 19:52
  So I thought my story, that's where it started.
• 19:54
  The, the sexual assault stories needed to be told because, you
• 19:59
  know, it didn't just start with one event.
• 20:02
  It started with, you know, emotional abuse.
• 20:05
  It started with, you know, the diminishing of my confidence
• 20:09
  over time. And I wanted to be able to tell
• 20:12
  those stories because a lot of times as women, you know, we can
• 20:17
  be experiencing emotional abuse for months before we even
• 20:21
  realize what's happening. So that's kind of where that
• 20:26
  started. I really just wanted them.
• 20:28
  To know that and I didn't want to carry the shame anymore.
• 20:31
  As survivors, we do not have to carry shame for our entire
• 20:36
  lives. There are ways to work through
• 20:38
  that. I found the most effective way
• 20:42
  to heal the shame was through EMDR therapy.
• 20:46
  Are you familiar? I am about to start it.
• 20:49
  I've heard so much my friend Omaira was like bringing path to
• 20:52
  it. I'm like sign me up.
• 20:54
  So please tell me. It's the only thing I haven't
• 20:56
  tried. I love it, I love it.
• 21:00
  OK so far the listeners. EMDR is eye movement
• 21:03
  desensitation and reprocessing and it is a non invasive
• 21:07
  approach to resolving 1 trauma at a time by healing the brain
• 21:12
  with bilateral eye movements. Which sounds a little scary.
• 21:16
  It sounds like hypnosis but I assure you it is not hypnosis.
• 21:19
  It is. You're very much present in the
• 21:21
  moment, but it allows you to take the negative belief that is
• 21:25
  associated with the trauma trigger and recondition that to
• 21:30
  a positive belief. So it's, you know, I, I think
• 21:35
  when you've been a victim of sexual assault or any kind of
• 21:37
  domestic abuse, you blame yourself.
• 21:39
  You're like, oh, I should have seen the signs before.
• 21:41
  I was, you know, involved with this person on whatever level.
• 21:46
  And I just didn't want other survivors or victims to feel
• 21:50
  that way depending on how they label themselves.
• 21:52
  I just wanted them to see that, you know, you did the best that
• 21:57
  you could with the information that you had at the time and the
• 22:02
  the best way to move on from that is to, you know,
• 22:05
  strategically heal that belief system.
• 22:10
  So. That's a great line to
• 22:12
  strategically heal that belief system because it's almost like
• 22:16
  it can feel like you're kind of programmed into thinking
• 22:19
  everything's your fault. You're this right and you have
• 22:23
  to like love helps and support from family, but you like
• 22:27
  actually there's some brain stuff you have to position
• 22:31
  right. Absolutely.
• 22:33
  And that's where the eye movement comes in.
• 22:35
  You know, you, you actually have this feeling of euphoria after
• 22:41
  the the eye movement part of it is complete.
• 22:47
  It's hard work, Bree. It is but.
• 22:49
  Look at it right. You have to, yeah.
• 22:52
  You do. You have to be ready and you
• 22:53
  have to pick a practitioner that you trust, you know, has to be
• 22:59
  somebody that you, you know, you connect with on multiple levels
• 23:03
  so that you can really be honest about what happened.
• 23:06
  Sure. So.
• 23:07
  Yeah. OK, no, definitely I'll, I'll
• 23:10
  put some links to EMDR in in the show notes as well because it's
• 23:14
  you know, people are looking for resources and they're like tell
• 23:17
  me, I'll try it you. Know.
• 23:19
  Yeah, absolutely, of course, of course.
• 23:23
  Yeah. So, so that was a big part of
• 23:26
  it. I can't actually go through the
• 23:28
  steps of the TIGER acronym if you're interested.
• 23:31
  Like I said, I know it's so hard to fit everything in one
• 23:35
  episode, so anything that comes to mind about your story that
• 23:37
  you think would help people? Absolutely.
• 23:41
  Yeah, so and a lot of this is on my website too, some of the
• 23:44
  resources, but so Tiger, TIGER. So we start with T, which is
• 23:50
  trust your intuition. And so that can relate to
• 23:53
  decision making, safety. But for me, it was more about
• 23:57
  passion and purpose because, you know, passion is what gets us
• 24:01
  out of bed in the morning. And even when we have this major
• 24:05
  hardship that we're walking through, if we can connect to
• 24:09
  something that we're passionate about, I think it allows us to
• 24:13
  continue to move forward. So my passion, you know, from
• 24:18
  even my teenage years with helping other people.
• 24:20
  And so, you know, it's looked different in different seasons
• 24:23
  of life, You know, as an opera singer, obviously, it looked
• 24:25
  very different than being, you know, an author and an advocate
• 24:28
  for hope. But you know, just that feeling,
• 24:32
  that energy that comes from knowing that you're breathing
• 24:35
  life into that passion is huge for healing.
• 24:39
  I is investing yourself. So that's therapy, right?
• 24:42
  We talked about the EMDR, but I've tried exposure therapy,
• 24:45
  talk therapy. You know, there's a lot of
• 24:47
  different therapies out there and you know, one works for
• 24:51
  some, another one might work for another person.
• 24:53
  So, you know, you just got a, you know, trial and error.
• 24:57
  G stands for grow your character.
• 25:00
  So it's interesting, we, we did own a pizza business.
• 25:05
  We've since sold that business. So we're retired from that,
• 25:08
  thank goodness. It's nice to be able to have a
• 25:10
  little more time. But yes, yes, yes, so grateful.
• 25:16
  But yes, it was time, but we had we had this thing with our
• 25:22
  Domino's franchise where we noticed that a lot of our
• 25:26
  customers would order pizza on their worst day, right?
• 25:30
  So, you know, you, you went through a breakup or God forbid
• 25:34
  you got fired or, you know, something bad happened and I'm
• 25:36
  going to go get comfort in a box, right?
• 25:39
  So we would always train our team, you know, to really kind
• 25:43
  of look for those opportunities, right, to provide a little more
• 25:46
  kindness. And that really starts with
• 25:49
  authenticity. So we put out like a kindness
• 25:52
  initiative that I had learned from a business owner that had
• 25:54
  learned it from her church. And it's called the triple
• 25:57
  filter. It's very, it's very beautiful.
• 26:00
  It basically just nips gossip in the bud.
• 26:03
  And so it's something that, you know, every human has to work on
• 26:08
  it. You know, we're in we encounter
• 26:09
  gossip on the daily. Am I right 100?
• 26:13
  Percent, 100%. But you know this, this kindness
• 26:16
  initiative allows you to like once somebody says something to
• 26:20
  you about another human being, before you respond, you would
• 26:22
  ask yourself, is it true? Is it kind?
• 26:24
  Is it necessary? And if you can't answer yes to
• 26:27
  all three questions, you could walk away or change the subject
• 26:31
  or if you're really brave, call the person out.
• 26:34
  So it just makes you feel that better though, right?
• 26:37
  Like it UPS your level of professionalism.
• 26:40
  It, it makes your empathy feel more authentic.
• 26:44
  So, so that's GE is exercise self-care.
• 26:49
  So in the book and then on my website, I Ioffer a lot of
• 26:54
  different options for self-care within six different categories.
• 26:57
  So think you got to put on your own oxygen mask first, right
• 27:02
  before you can help others. And then finally R is reinvent
• 27:07
  yourself often. So yeah, that there's an
• 27:13
  interesting story behind that. I don't know how much time we
• 27:15
  have if you want to hear another story, but.
• 27:17
  I want all the stories. What I love about, by the way,
• 27:21
  when you went through that whole acronym, it's, it's exciting
• 27:26
  because if if you think about life that way, right, if you
• 27:29
  focus on those areas, you have a pretty good chance of like doing
• 27:34
  pretty well and feel, which is like feeling good about yourself
• 27:37
  and over time, right like it's. Right it.
• 27:41
  It and I love that you're providing like strategy,
• 27:44
  tactical way, like there's a way to heal and you, you are a
• 27:51
  living example of it and and you're now guiding people
• 27:54
  through it. That's really cool.
• 27:57
  Well, thank you and and the same right back at you sister.
• 28:00
  You're doing it too. I'm.
• 28:01
  Just I just push record and everybody does the magic.
• 28:04
  But no, it's like what you say about turning that those awful
• 28:08
  things, those 12 things into like God turns all things for
• 28:13
  good. It doesn't mean that those
• 28:15
  things weren't those things are still what they are, but look
• 28:18
  what's come out of them. It's really it proves what
• 28:21
  you're saying even when you're going through a crisis, if you
• 28:23
  have this thing that you're excited about.
• 28:27
  Yeah, it's. Really saves.
• 28:31
  You it does, it keeps you moving.
• 28:33
  You know, that's, that's the biggest thing we've got to try
• 28:36
  to do is keep moving because once we, you know, we banish
• 28:40
  ourselves to solitude, you know, it's, that's when depression
• 28:44
  sneaks in and it's a lot harder to get back to where you need to
• 28:47
  be. So yes.
• 28:51
  So that OK, so they can find more information obviously in
• 28:54
  your book on your website about you go all into that whole
• 28:57
  acronym of. Of yes.
• 29:00
  Everything. Absolutely.
• 29:02
  And you were saying there's another story.
• 29:04
  And again, we're kind of touching on a lot of things,
• 29:07
  but. Yes.
• 29:08
  Whatever feels natural to kind of share.
• 29:11
  You were saying there's another story related to that of that
• 29:14
  last one, right? Reinvent yourself often.
• 29:16
  Yes, it's kind of funny. 1 So, so I am currently in my second
• 29:21
  marriage right now and we've been together for 15 years and
• 29:25
  it is wonderful and he's definitely my soul mate.
• 29:27
  But that experience of losing, you know, that first boyfriend
• 29:32
  kind of put me in this mind cycle of OK, well, I the one is
• 29:40
  gone, you know, the one is, is no longer an option.
• 29:44
  So when I met my first husband, I kind of mistook common
• 29:52
  interests as, you know, reason to get married.
• 29:57
  I guess it's kind of blunt, but I think he would have said this
• 30:02
  too. I think we both settled,
• 30:04
  honestly. And I would never regret it
• 30:06
  because, you know, he led me to my being a mother and to having
• 30:11
  my two children with him. So I will always be incredibly
• 30:14
  thankful for that. But but it wasn't a good
• 30:17
  marriage, and it was complicated, and it ended.
• 30:20
  And when it ended, I was an opera singer and a music
• 30:24
  teacher, and I had to move to Virginia from North Carolina and
• 30:29
  move back in with my parents. And I had two preschoolers in
• 30:33
  tow. And there were no opportunities
• 30:36
  in our rural town for an opera singer or a music teacher.
• 30:39
  Like there, there was nothing. So reinvent yourself often.
• 30:44
  Here's the story. So I had to cast a wide net and,
• 30:49
  you know, I, I received a couple of offers from like a gosh, an
• 30:54
  eye doctor's office. And anyway, nothing was a good
• 30:58
  fit because of, you know, the, the schedule with my kids.
• 31:01
  But so I got this offer to be the client services director for
• 31:05
  an intellectual property law firm.
• 31:08
  It was absurd. You're like absurd sounds.
• 31:12
  Good. Sure, let me do my best.
• 31:15
  Let's do it. OK, so Brianna knew nothing
• 31:18
  about law. It was the just the craziest
• 31:21
  thing, but it was divine inspired.
• 31:23
  Like a really close friend of mine had made the introduction
• 31:27
  and you know, they weren't hiring me because I was an
• 31:30
  expert at copyright or patents. They hired me because I was good
• 31:33
  with people. People are my passion.
• 31:37
  And so, you know, I ended up loving that job even more than
• 31:40
  like the opera career. It was just so cool to be able
• 31:44
  to have those daily interactions with people and hear their
• 31:47
  stories and you know, their struggles.
• 31:50
  And you know, it was a gift of perspective, right?
• 31:53
  Because we all have these stories.
• 31:55
  We all have these losses. And it was, it was very healing
• 31:58
  during an uncertain time. And that job led me to my
• 32:02
  husband, to my soul mate. So, you know, you just never
• 32:05
  know where the reinvention is going to lead to trust the
• 32:09
  process, yes. Well, what's interesting, like I
• 32:13
  think that's so like you would never think like, OK, what am I?
• 32:16
  I'm singer. I'm going to a law firm.
• 32:18
  What What in within a law firm? I just had this moment.
• 32:23
  It's all stories. Of.
• 32:25
  People going through stuff that's legally like they're
• 32:29
  going through like a crises a lot of times, right?
• 32:32
  Yes, yes, absolutely. A lawsuit for like, joy and good
• 32:37
  things, right? That's right.
• 32:40
  It's usually a challenge, correct me if I'm wrong.
• 32:43
  No, absolutely. Yeah.
• 32:45
  It's a mix of struggles, so conflicts.
• 32:48
  And then the other part of it was like being able to help
• 32:51
  people with their business planning.
• 32:53
  I always had this, you know, interest in business.
• 32:56
  So, you know, my husband was the franchise for Domino's.
• 33:00
  And then when he invited me to join him in that journey, it
• 33:04
  just was, it was an entire new skill set, newly newly
• 33:08
  discovered skill set that I never knew that I was interested
• 33:11
  in. So.
• 33:13
  If somebody's listening right now and they're like something
• 33:15
  came up in their mind or they're like, I want that job so bad,
• 33:18
  I'm too afraid. Or they're maybe sitting with an
• 33:21
  opportunity that they're like, I don't think I can do this.
• 33:24
  Do you remember what propelled you through those moments of, I
• 33:28
  don't have the skill set, but I'm going to try.
• 33:31
  Like, what did you say to yourself when those moments of
• 33:34
  like, what are you doing here? You're not qualified.
• 33:37
  Like, you know, the, the, the whoever's voice, you're like,
• 33:39
  wait, why is someone being so mean to me in my head, like.
• 33:43
  Yeah. And I'm sure your book talks
• 33:45
  about how to work through that, but what comes to mind?
• 33:48
  You remember what you would say to yourself in those moments.
• 33:51
  I think I just said I'm, I'm doing this to support my family
• 33:56
  and I need to go and do the best job that I possibly can and show
• 34:03
  my value. Honestly, you know, it's just
• 34:06
  because I didn't have a law degree didn't mean that I didn't
• 34:09
  have value. So I needed to, I need to see
• 34:12
  the value myself and be able to to lean into that, yeah.
• 34:17
  It's it's a completely different perspective.
• 34:21
  Someone who has struggled with imposter syndrome and like who's
• 34:24
  breaking out of it. It's like you come in the room
• 34:27
  differently, not I'm better than you, but no, I have value.
• 34:31
  Everyone in the room has value. Like it's OK to know that you
• 34:34
  have value. It absolutely is.
• 34:37
  Yes, definitely. I mean, I won't say I didn't
• 34:40
  make mistakes. I'm sure they weren't.
• 34:42
  There were days where they're like, what are you doing?
• 34:45
  You're like, Oh my, how? Am I supposed to know that?
• 34:49
  Right. But it, you know, it's yeah, I'm
• 34:53
  just really thankful that that opportunity came, came around
• 34:56
  because otherwise I might have had to go back to North
• 34:58
  Carolina, back to my marriage, and that would have been bad for
• 35:02
  everybody involved. So say.
• 35:05
  Yes to the seemingly out of the blue opportunities that might be
• 35:12
  divine and. Probably.
• 35:14
  Right. Like because.
• 35:15
  You. Don't always get what I'm
• 35:17
  learning. You pray for something and then
• 35:20
  you something comes up and you're like this isn't what I
• 35:22
  prayed for and God's like just say yes, I it's coming.
• 35:27
  You don't understand the whole. Yes.
• 35:29
  Like we. Absolutely.
• 35:31
  Thing we prayed for, but it might come in a different
• 35:34
  package, right? I mean, that's exactly right.
• 35:37
  That's the exact like take away from that story because, you
• 35:41
  know, my kids ended up happier, you know, they went to better
• 35:45
  schools. My husband's children are around
• 35:48
  the same age. They all grew up together.
• 35:51
  And you just never know the blessings that are tied to an
• 35:55
  experience that seems absurd, right?
• 35:59
  You know, so true. You got to trust the process for
• 36:03
  sure, as difficult as it is. And I think your point about
• 36:06
  prayer is huge because sometimes, you know, these
• 36:10
  opportunities, they fall into our laps and we're like, this is
• 36:13
  not what I prayed for, but it could very well be the
• 36:16
  opportunity you didn't know you needed, you know?
• 36:20
  Please imagine God's going. Oh my gosh, she goes again.
• 36:23
  I'm sending you working things. She said no to all of them, but
• 36:27
  literally. And now she's praying that I
• 36:29
  haven't answered her prayers. Yeah, there you go.
• 36:33
  Absolutely. So the reinvention is not only
• 36:36
  an adventure and leads to good things, it's actually a a a tool
• 36:41
  for like surviving. You have to reinvent yourself
• 36:43
  when you, especially when your backs against the wall like you
• 36:47
  need to be open to new ideas when you're.
• 36:50
  In a you do. Corner.
• 36:52
  Well, and see, that's where the passion piece comes in, Bree,
• 36:54
  because, you know, we, we are discovering passions we didn't
• 36:59
  even know we had. I, I read a statistic recently
• 37:02
  that less than 20% of the population knows what their
• 37:04
  passion truly is. So what an opportunity to be
• 37:08
  discovering that, you know, and for me, I really thought back to
• 37:12
  my history, like I thought back to being in high school and we
• 37:15
  had this program called peer counselors where you had to go.
• 37:19
  And obviously, this would never happen now because there's so
• 37:23
  many, so many, you know, big red flags.
• 37:27
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't be, you can't be
• 37:30
  weighing in on other people's mental health crises by any
• 37:33
  means. But back in the 90s, it was a
• 37:35
  little different. Yeah.
• 37:38
  But, you know, I remember being a peer counselor and again,
• 37:42
  hearing other people's stories and just, it just lit this fire
• 37:48
  where I just really wanted to, you know, be part of, you know,
• 37:54
  a solution to something. I didn't know what it was at the
• 37:57
  time. You know, my, my childhood was
• 37:59
  very happy. I really didn't have a whole lot
• 38:03
  of adversity. But man, it, it hit with a lot
• 38:06
  of force in college. So there you go.
• 38:10
  Yeah. I understand that feeling well
• 38:13
  and and you talk about the passion thing.
• 38:15
  If someone's listening going yes, Ali, I OK, I want to find
• 38:19
  my passion. I don't know what to do and like
• 38:21
  how do I know if something's my passion?
• 38:23
  One thing, and I would love to hear your reaction on this and I
• 38:27
  know your book is I'm sure talks about it when you like for me,
• 38:32
  when I'm talking to guests or when I'm editing little reels
• 38:36
  that or fun for me, even if no one looks at them, I'm like, oh,
• 38:40
  like I get into the flow state, right.
• 38:43
  Yeah. I lose track of time.
• 38:47
  I don't know how long I've been sitting at the coffee shop.
• 38:49
  I forget that I'm. I'm like, wait, oh, wait.
• 38:52
  Like every interview I'll walk out and I'm like, what time is
• 38:54
  it? Who where are the kids?
• 38:55
  Like I don't even know what Ryan's watching them, but I
• 38:58
  don't. I go into my own little flow and
• 39:01
  that's how I know that like talking to people, creating
• 39:05
  broadcasting, I get into this like flow state.
• 39:10
  Right. So for me, that's how I've kind
• 39:12
  of figured that that is probably my passion.
• 39:16
  What do? You think about finding it and
• 39:17
  how do you know if you if it's your passion?
• 39:22
  So I don't think you could have said it any more beautifully
• 39:24
  than you already did. I think trying to connect to
• 39:28
  that flow state. So I've always said, we know
• 39:32
  we're not passionate when we're procrastinating.
• 39:35
  So like when I used to prepare for an opera roll, I would
• 39:40
  sometimes procrastinate going to the piano and learning my, you
• 39:45
  know, learning my lines or, you know, whatever.
• 39:47
  And I, I thought, you know, gosh, that's not passion.
• 39:51
  If I'm procrastinating, it's not passion.
• 39:54
  So I, I really, you know, it's funny, I worked for an opera
• 39:58
  company. And what I realized was I, I ran
• 40:01
  this program for young professionals where we were
• 40:03
  trying to get them to connect to the arts as a whole, to try to
• 40:08
  create like more meaning and purpose in their lives, right.
• 40:11
  You know, these were people in DC that were just, you know,
• 40:14
  workaholics. They weren't really connecting
• 40:16
  to anything outside of work. And so that experience.
• 40:21
  Was covered in passion right because it was all about helping
• 40:25
  people to make their lives better now maybe my maybe my
• 40:30
  singing helped somebody's life become better but that seems so
• 40:34
  small in comparison to this big picture idea that I was
• 40:38
  searching for you know so so it's.
• 40:42
  It's you when it sounds like you have the same feeling where it's
• 40:49
  when you lose. Oh my gosh, the procrastination
• 40:52
  thing is blowing my mind. Sorry.
• 40:56
  Oh, I'm so glad. Yay.
• 40:58
  I am a recovering procrastinator me.
• 41:01
  Too. But I will tell you this, not
• 41:04
  with the podcast. I just go.
• 41:07
  You love it. I literally, they're like, my
• 41:10
  family will make fun of me. They'll be like, stop making
• 41:13
  reels. You know what?
• 41:14
  I'm like, OK, all right, just one more.
• 41:16
  You know, they know that it's I'm like, they're like, OK,
• 41:18
  you're doing your podcast and I'm like, OK, yes, just give me
• 41:20
  one second, you know, and then so and they they love it, but
• 41:24
  they know I can't stop. Yeah.
• 41:26
  And I'm whereas other things I'm like, oh, that OK.
• 41:33
  Yeah. A light bulb went off for me.
• 41:37
  It's isn't it so empowering though, Like just, it's such a
• 41:41
  small thing, but you know, how many things in the course of a
• 41:44
  week, a month do we procrastinate over, you know,
• 41:47
  whether it's, you know, things that are for practical everyday
• 41:51
  life or something. That's how we make our livings.
• 41:54
  You know, there's some aspect of our jobs that we're passionate
• 41:58
  about and then there's other pieces that, you know, we just,
• 42:01
  we'd be happy if we didn't have to do that part.
• 42:04
  So trying to like re trying to to figure out the flow state and
• 42:12
  be able to transfer that to different areas of our life,
• 42:15
  right. Yes, and I think probably why I
• 42:19
  don't procrastinate. I'm like literally having you're
• 42:23
  changing my life right now. I don't procrastinate before the
• 42:26
  podcast. It's because my brain's like,
• 42:28
  you're about to get into flow state in 3-1, whereas the other
• 42:33
  things I'm like, you're about to feel dumb and oh.
• 42:40
  Girl, like how about you feel that?
• 42:42
  You're about to feel real stupid for 5 minutes when you start
• 42:44
  this. Yes, absolutely.
• 42:48
  But perhaps I think with when you're doing something that
• 42:51
  feels authentic, you don't have anxiety.
• 42:53
  Like I don't have anxiety about it because I don't have to like
• 42:55
  be anything else. Yes, absolutely.
• 42:58
  Gosh. Ali, you're my new therapist
• 43:01
  too, no? No, no.
• 43:03
  No, nobody like no, I mean like you just you're saying, see,
• 43:08
  this is the part about there's something about the way you're
• 43:11
  sharing this that like light bulbs go off for people where
• 43:14
  you're like, but wait, what the way you're wording it the way.
• 43:19
  So that's that's the beauty of storytelling, right?
• 43:21
  It like evoke something in someone where they go, what's
• 43:25
  that quote where it's like, wait, you, you too.
• 43:28
  I'm not the only one. OK.
• 43:31
  So OK, I need to collect myself now.
• 43:34
  That was a lot of realizations for me.
• 43:37
  Well, it's just great to feel that human connection through
• 43:40
  experience, right? Like we've both had that flow
• 43:44
  experience and then we've both experienced the monotony of
• 43:48
  procrastination. And just like how it kind of
• 43:51
  sucks part of your soul away, you know, it's tough, so.
• 43:57
  Would you say like what have you learned about that?
• 44:00
  Like obviously if you can create, if you can spend time on
• 44:07
  your passion, that's really what it it's what you're called to
• 44:13
  do. Whether?
• 44:15
  Whether you know it or not. Yeah, it is.
• 44:19
  But you know, I think there's always discoveries in that
• 44:23
  process, right? So through the last two years of
• 44:27
  your podcast, I'm sure you've had like a million aha moments
• 44:32
  and it's helped you to maybe streamline your way to, you
• 44:38
  know, your passion, because when we're pursuing the passion, we
• 44:41
  show up as our best version, right?
• 44:43
  We're we're more energized or more authentic.
• 44:47
  So it's definitely, it's a journey, it's an adventure it.
• 44:51
  Is it is and it it show, I think, once you identify what
• 44:55
  you love doing. Like for my niece, she has a
• 44:58
  bracelet business and she's 15 and she's in school and like her
• 45:02
  mom helps her with a lot of the business stuff and it's just
• 45:04
  like communal and she'll do orders, but she gets into flow
• 45:07
  state and then she gets into flow state with making these
• 45:11
  cards that are elaborate. And then she gets into flow
• 45:15
  state when she's on the lacrosse field.
• 45:17
  And I'm like, oh, she likes to go like I'm like go to design
• 45:22
  school. Like go or start your own
• 45:25
  business. Like I'll help you.
• 45:26
  Like, you know, she's, I'm like, I see how I see her face and the
• 45:29
  way she gets, I'm like, oh, you love that?
• 45:31
  Like you're a creator of something.
• 45:35
  And she's only 15. Oh my God, Like what a gift to
• 45:38
  figure it out that early, right? Totally.
• 45:41
  Totally. And then there's.
• 45:42
  People who figure it out later, like I, I mean, any, here's the
• 45:46
  thing. It's never too late though.
• 45:47
  Like it sounds cliche, but if even if you're hearing this
• 45:50
  right now and you could be like this could be the day that you
• 45:53
  take the first step towards doing that thing that you love
• 45:56
  doing. Yeah, because I think about your
• 46:00
  experience and you know, you said when you first started the
• 46:03
  podcast, it was a little bit scary, right?
• 46:06
  Oh, oh, I was like, what am I doing?
• 46:09
  This is crazy. I love it.
• 46:11
  But because you loved it, because you knew it was your
• 46:13
  passion that overshadowed the fear, right?
• 46:17
  And I, I think that's the, the place as humans, you know, we're
• 46:20
  such people pleasers and we, we, we fear that we're not enough or
• 46:25
  that we're going to put ourselves out there and we're
• 46:27
  going to fail. But if passion is truly driving
• 46:31
  these new projects, like how can, how can we truly fail?
• 46:35
  You know, it's it, it was meant to be.
• 46:37
  It was meant to be. Totally, and with all of your
• 46:41
  like writing your book, being a franchise owner, there's,
• 46:45
  there's always the possibility of quote UN quote failure, But
• 46:50
  like, is it creating something enough?
• 46:53
  Like what if what if I put out a podcast originally and two
• 46:58
  people listen to it? Why is that not good?
• 47:02
  You know what I mean? Like I you did it and then if
• 47:05
  people listen, bonus. Well, and think about what those
• 47:09
  two people gained from what you had to say.
• 47:11
  Maybe you changed their entire lives, those two people.
• 47:14
  That is magic right there. Right, We're so we get so hyper
• 47:18
  focused, I think on like quantity, volume and well, in
• 47:24
  certain businesses, of course you need that like you have a
• 47:27
  people to pay and like big, you know, I'm not a business, I'm
• 47:30
  learning. But but when you're starting
• 47:34
  your own thing, like creating, I think it was, was it some some
• 47:39
  guy said, was it Rick Ross, some hippie guy that was brilliant
• 47:43
  was like, you're creating the art, whether it's music, whether
• 47:48
  it's a writing in your journal, like whatever you want to do or
• 47:51
  create, that's enough the creation itself.
• 47:57
  Agreed. And I'm like, when I heard that,
• 47:59
  I was like, it is. Oh, yeah, it is.
• 48:02
  It is. Why am I looking outside?
• 48:05
  You know? Yeah.
• 48:08
  It's, you know, it takes a lot of bravery, Bree, to put
• 48:11
  yourself out there and to be vulnerable and to be authentic.
• 48:14
  And my experience, the last, you know, 3 or 4 years being on the
• 48:19
  road and, you know, I would be in these rooms with, you know,
• 48:23
  75% were men who were, you know, 60-70 at times.
• 48:28
  And it was so hard because they weren't ready for the message.
• 48:35
  But just because their body language said they weren't ready
• 48:38
  for the message doesn't mean that they didn't internalize
• 48:41
  part of it and grow from the experience.
• 48:43
  So we have to put ourselves out there, even though it's
• 48:47
  difficult and it might feel like we don't reach anybody in a day.
• 48:54
  We're reaching people, whether they admit it or not, we're
• 48:57
  reaching people. And you have to keep doing it
• 48:59
  for the greater good. That's.
• 49:00
  Beautiful, That's beautiful. I was literally just picturing
• 49:04
  you in a room like a big boardroom or wherever that was
• 49:06
  and like where you're just like, you know, some rooms you're
• 49:08
  like, OK, I'm feeling the vibe. People are nodding and they're
• 49:10
  like, yeah, you're like, I can relax, cool.
• 49:14
  And then and then within you're like, I'm not feeling it.
• 49:16
  Still not feeling it. Well, here I am.
• 49:19
  So you're. That doesn't mean you couldn't
• 49:21
  take the message. Yeah, that's a really good
• 49:25
  point. They might be like they you're
• 49:27
  like, you're still hearing me. You're still.
• 49:29
  Hearing me, yeah, that's exactly right.
• 49:32
  Yeah. It's it's a lot, though.
• 49:35
  It takes a while to get there. And that's why, you know, I, I
• 49:38
  really, I relate our experiences because of what you just said
• 49:43
  about maybe two people listen to the first episode.
• 49:46
  But those two people, you know, think about what you did for
• 49:50
  them with that message. Totally.
• 49:53
  And it's, it's like, it's, it's that human connection of
• 50:00
  realizing that like anything that you feel called, I feel
• 50:04
  like you feel called to express it.
• 50:07
  Yeah, you should express it. You should express it because
• 50:10
  like, and then if you feel resistance where you're like,
• 50:13
  oh, I don't know, then you definitely should.
• 50:16
  Then you definitely should. And this is, you wouldn't have
• 50:20
  reckoned 3 years ago I'd be like, you definitely shouldn't.
• 50:22
  Don't say it. Yeah.
• 50:23
  No, I'm like, I definitely should.
• 50:25
  It's crazy. Yeah, it is.
• 50:29
  Well, and I I think about my parents, right when I first told
• 50:32
  them about this book project, you know, I was, I was bracing
• 50:36
  myself, Bree. I was like, Oh my gosh, they're
• 50:38
  going to say, don't you dare publish this because, you know,
• 50:41
  I talked about a family member in that book that changed the
• 50:44
  dynamic of part of our family and it was the opposite.
• 50:48
  They were like, this is beautiful.
• 50:51
  Do it. We fully support you.
• 50:53
  And, you know, these are these are two people that, you know,
• 50:56
  we're more comfortable with a private existence, you know, not
• 51:00
  sharing the family business, you know, And so if they could get
• 51:06
  on board, it gave me a lot of hope, you know, only because of,
• 51:10
  you know, how they were raised. You know, they're wonderful
• 51:12
  people. But if if someone with that
• 51:14
  background can get on board and be, you know, open to a
• 51:19
  difficult message, then we have to be brave and share it.
• 51:22
  Yeah, that's a. Definitely.
• 51:24
  Give people the chance to say yes, even if you like they
• 51:29
  surprised you. Yeah, absolutely.
• 51:33
  Generationally same like it's that's, that's really cool that
• 51:38
  they were able to open their mind to that.
• 51:42
  That's. Really cool.
• 51:43
  I know you know, it wasn't it. I mean, we are we've always had
• 51:46
  a close relationship, but I just Oh my gosh, Bri, I respected the
• 51:50
  hell out of them. I just thought they were so
• 51:53
  amazing to be able to grow in that moment because it was, it
• 51:57
  was a lot, you know? I I can relate in that my
• 52:04
  podcasting journey, I've shared some stuff that like isn't, you
• 52:08
  know, it's not great like or it doesn't, it's just not like fun
• 52:12
  to talk about And both my husband, my mom, my dad, they're
• 52:18
  like Bree, you do you Boo like. My mom's like she.
• 52:23
  Goes I'm 75 years old, you think I care what people think now?
• 52:26
  And I'm like, yes. And I'm like, but she's grown.
• 52:30
  Yeah, I'm, she used to. And like we all used to, I used
• 52:35
  to, yeah, to not care. But then when you get to a point
• 52:38
  where you, I respect everybody's opinion, but it doesn't stop me
• 52:41
  from like saying what I need to say.
• 52:44
  Yeah, agreed. Agreed.
• 52:46
  It's there's so much freedom in that too, you know, like the
• 52:50
  fact that we didn't have to wait to be 75 before we said, OK,
• 52:54
  this is more important than what other people are going to say
• 52:57
  about it, you know? Exactly.
• 52:59
  Exactly, exactly, huge wow. I mean, if anyone listening has
• 53:04
  something that it's, it's even just having those conversations
• 53:07
  with a friend of being like, hey, you know what you said the
• 53:09
  other day, it kind of bothered me and I've been like a little
• 53:11
  resentful about it. And so I figured, can we just
• 53:14
  get versus being like? Yeah, like I'm writing them off
• 53:19
  or whatever. Or like I'm just gonna like have
• 53:22
  anxiety and, and for me, even just confronting things, I think
• 53:27
  like in the spirit of telling your story, you're gonna have to
• 53:30
  confront things that maybe aren't great, but it's better to
• 53:34
  confront because then you can move past it and clear what's
• 53:38
  there. It's there already, right?
• 53:40
  Yes, absolutely. I was a writer when you were
• 53:46
  writing this book for anyone who's kind of thinking about I
• 53:50
  know my last guest, she's like, I'm starting to write a book.
• 53:52
  And I love hearing her like starting.
• 53:55
  She just she she she just lost her son a few months ago.
• 53:59
  And so she's like processing. And so she's like, I'm writing a
• 54:02
  book. I'm like, good for you.
• 54:04
  I said come back when you write it.
• 54:06
  Yeah. Tell me about if anyone is like,
• 54:09
  I don't know if I could do it. How did you start?
• 54:12
  Was it like sitting down and just writing or take me through
• 54:15
  that I. Think I always enjoyed writing,
• 54:19
  even from college. I was always writing like little
• 54:21
  stories. But because I had this big block
• 54:28
  of time during COVID, right, A lot of people wrote books during
• 54:31
  COVID. I don't know.
• 54:34
  It's like one story. I just started small.
• 54:36
  I started with one story. So each story is a chapter and
• 54:41
  so starting like that, like approaching it like 1 short
• 54:44
  story at a time made it feel less overwhelming.
• 54:48
  Great. Great.
• 54:50
  Idea and I didn't think of it like Bree.
• 54:52
  I wasn't the whole time. I wasn't thinking, OK, I'm going
• 54:55
  to send this to a publisher and they're going to publish it.
• 54:58
  I was just thinking of it from strictly the therapeutic value.
• 55:01
  So I'm going to get all these feelings out and process these
• 55:06
  feelings and share the life lesson that was accompanied by
• 55:09
  the experience. And then if God wants it to have
• 55:13
  wings beyond that, then I'll find a place.
• 55:16
  And so that's, that was the mindset.
• 55:19
  Like not trying to to strong arm it.
• 55:22
  Yeah. Just being open to the process.
• 55:25
  So. Sounds like a great way to
• 55:27
  approach anything in life, actually.
• 55:30
  Yeah. And but a beautiful for any
• 55:31
  aspiring like who are like feel that.
• 55:34
  I feel like there's a pull to write when you want it.
• 55:37
  When you're a writer, you just feel the the pens there and
• 55:39
  you're like, I must write on a napkin or whatever, or I must
• 55:43
  write. If you feel that pull, just
• 55:46
  follow it and like, don't, don't try to make like you're saying,
• 55:49
  just let it out. And then what what what's to be?
• 55:53
  It'll take shape on its own I feel like.
• 55:55
  You know, yes. Or people.
• 55:56
  That's exactly right. People can help you to have
• 55:59
  shape it right. Right.
• 56:02
  Absolutely. That's awesome.
• 56:04
  I love that. I love that because it just
• 56:07
  gives you a place to start. Like Rome wasn't built in the
• 56:10
  day of like everything wasn't done in five hours.
• 56:14
  We're in, we're in a very like instant gratification society.
• 56:17
  We get this there, we order it off Amazon, and then we get this
• 56:20
  there. Then it's there and it's like
• 56:23
  for someone who's hyper, I'm like, just slow down.
• 56:26
  Yes. Take it a day at.
• 56:28
  A time me too things. Unfold.
• 56:31
  Right. And, and we learn a lot through
• 56:33
  the experience too, right, Bree? Like the experience of writing
• 56:36
  the story, the experience of having a conversation about, you
• 56:41
  know, a common shared experience.
• 56:43
  You know, there's, there's, I don't know, it just really fills
• 56:47
  us up when we allow ourselves to, to be in the moment and not
• 56:51
  just be looking at the finished product.
• 56:53
  You know, we're fully focused on the finished product and we miss
• 56:56
  the whole, you know, experience. So.
• 57:00
  It's almost like get just get into flow state over and over
• 57:03
  and it'll figure itself out. Yes, it's all about flow state
• 57:07
  if you just keep getting into. Flow state, you'll look up and
• 57:10
  you'll have whatever you're supposed to have created, it'll
• 57:12
  be created. That's exactly right.
• 57:15
  I mean, yes, it's it's wild. It's wild when you think about
• 57:20
  anything kind of creative writing a podcast, starting a
• 57:23
  business, you don't just have 17 franchises in one second like
• 57:28
  you, right? I mean you just you learn and
• 57:30
  you build. Right.
• 57:32
  Absolutely, absolutely. It's it's a process.
• 57:36
  Yeah, well, and I love the title.
• 57:39
  I love the title of everything that chasing tigers in the dark.
• 57:43
  Life lessons of a fierce survivor.
• 57:47
  Thank you. You know why It's it's there's a
• 57:51
  lot in that title, The dark, the lessons, right?
• 57:57
  I love the word fierce because yeah, you kind of there's a
• 58:04
  softness and a gentleness and a vulnerability in sharing your
• 58:07
  story. However, correct me if I'm
• 58:09
  wrong, you got to have a little bit of tenacity to get through
• 58:13
  some stuff in life. Right.
• 58:15
  I mean, that's why I chose the title.
• 58:17
  It was the bravest image I could imagine.
• 58:19
  Like, facing our predators in the dark, right?
• 58:23
  Like just using our voices no matter what, and providing that
• 58:29
  story for someone that needs to hear it, who's still caught in
• 58:31
  the eye of the storm. So yeah.
• 58:36
  Gosh, we're coming up on I I think this might be a beautiful
• 58:40
  way to start to put a bow on it. I always am like.
• 58:42
  Sad I don't want to start but as I.
• 58:47
  Love, I'm having the image of just whatever someone's going
• 58:52
  through in life, there's something that you're facing in
• 58:55
  the dark and just know that you're not alone, right?
• 58:58
  And I want to give you the opportunity as we close this, is
• 59:01
  there anything in addition to please go check out Ali's book,
• 59:05
  her website, her Instagram, you can get to know her and all the
• 59:09
  beautiful things you're working on and that are in the works for
• 59:11
  2026. What, what would you like to
• 59:15
  leave our listeners with knowing that they can follow you on your
• 59:18
  journey as well? Any any words to close us out
• 59:23
  here? Yeah, Bria, I just would say,
• 59:27
  you know, you've got to find your community and realize that
• 59:30
  other people's stories are providing the gift of
• 59:33
  perspective. So whether it's my story or the
• 59:35
  stories that you're highlighting on your podcast, there's a lot
• 59:39
  of hope that can come out of those discoveries.
• 59:42
  So just keep moving, keep listening to those stories.
• 59:46
  Beautiful, beautiful. Thank you.
• 59:48
  Well, thank you, Ali. And I, I can't thank you enough
• 59:52
  for reaching out, for sharing your story, for being
• 59:56
  vulnerable. I know that it's going to change
• 1:00:01
  somebody's day, somebody's life. And now, as I tell every guest,
• 1:00:04
  you will be sitting on my shoulder for the next few days
• 1:00:08
  as I think about all the Nuggets that I got from that, about
• 1:00:11
  procrastination, about storytelling, just survival.
• 1:00:15
  And I just wanted to thank you because I feel like I'm already
• 1:00:19
  looking at things differently. Well, the pleasure was all mine
• 1:00:22
  and I really enjoyed our conversation.
• 1:00:24
  And thank you for the beautiful gift that you're giving to the
• 1:00:28
  world with your podcast. It's lovely.
• 1:00:30
  Well, I will. I will learn to accept a
• 1:00:33
  compliment and say you're welcome.
• 1:00:36
  Love it, you should and. I'm like, that was really hard
• 1:00:40
  to do. And again, guys, TuneIn, you've
• 1:00:43
  already heard this episode, but check out the show notes where
• 1:00:46
  you can buy Ali's book. I know I will be buying it and
• 1:00:51
  until next time I would love to have you back yes to talk about
• 1:00:55
  your next adventure. Absolutely.
• 1:00:58
  Sounds great. All right, take care.
• 1:01:00
  Thank you. You too.