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5: How Your Lack of Confidence At Work is Blocking Your Career Growth · SisterSmart Leadership

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  Jill Avey: Have you been told to fake it till you make it?
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  To improve your confidence?
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  That hasn't worked for you, has it?
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  That's because for many women leaders, confidence doesn't work that way.
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  Women want to feel confident first from the inside, before
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  they can show it on the outside.
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  So that advice that usually works for men often falls flat for women.
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  So by the end of this episode, you'll have my seven step framework for how
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  to build confidence from a well-rounded perspective so that you feel that
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  confidence comes from the inside so that it's authentic to who you are.
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  I'm Jill Avey, a career success coach, and this is Sister Smart Leadership, the
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  show that explores how women can rise from director to vice president and beyond
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  by fully leaning into their feminine energy as their biggest advantage.
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  Let's get you one step closer to the recognition and promotion you deserve.
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  Jill Avey: So what does confidence affect?
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  It affects whether you speak up in meetings and how you speak up in meetings.
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  It affects how we approach our workload.
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  It affects that we can overwork to want to be proving our worth, that
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  we can procrastinate because this comes from self-doubt often where
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  we're doubting ourselves and so we don't get started on that project.
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  It affects our ability to influence, we can over rely on the team instead
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  of our own original thinking.
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  And it can hold us back from building relationships that we need to be
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  successful in the job we have and the job that we need to move up to the next level.
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  Not having enough confidence can hold us back from building trust
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  with senior leaders and peers.
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  As well as the willingness to put ourselves forward
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  for projects and promotions.
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  So you could see the confidence affects a lot and it's well worth
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  it to be working on our confidence.
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  So the first thing that we want to do when we're building
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  confidence, so step one, would be understanding your zone of brilliance.
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  So what do we count in the zone of brilliance?
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  What makes up our zone of brilliance?
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  So this is, this is this area where we want to be working.
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  So I think of it as our strengths.
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  What is it that you're kind of innately good at, that you bring
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  to whatever situation that you go to, that's our innate strengths.
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  And then there's a secret sauce about you.
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  So what is that secret sauce that you have?
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  What makes it different in the way that you do something versus the
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  way anybody else could do this?
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  Or maybe somebody who's not that great, how do you distinguish from that?
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  Everybody has that special thing about them in the way that they approach
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  something that makes it special and but yet we often don't even acknowledge that.
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  So take a moment to think about that piece.
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  And then also what are the skills that you've learned over the
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  years of your career and what is it that you just know how to do?
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  So that's the first step.
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  The second step is to combat imposter syndrome.
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  If you're doing anything significant in life, you are going to feel some
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  imposter syndrome to go with it.
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  This happens whether you're a man or a woman.
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  It happens to anybody who's pushing the boundaries.
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  No one in their comfort zone feels imposter syndrome.
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  But anybody who's pushing out, who's growing, who's doing something new,
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  taking risks, taking on challenges, you're, you're just gonna feel this.
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  So you really want to work with that imposter.
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  You want to embrace your imposter and say, Hey, I see you.
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  The purpose of the imposter is to keep us safe.
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  Its function is to keep our ego safe.
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  So I always like to appreciate that imposter.
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  Give it a little hug, is what I say.
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  And then, Thank you, but no thank you.
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  I don't need you right now.
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  It is usually my, go-to script for the imposter.
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  The next thing that we can do when you're feeling a lack of confidence is
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  to put more emphasis on co-creation.
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  So if you feel that pressure on your shoulders or stress about something
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  or you're just not feeling it, that's a good signal that you need a team.
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  Whenever I have a client that's feeling a lot of stress about something,
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  especially when that's coupled with anxiety, then that's when I always
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  recommend like, pull a team together.
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  You shouldn't do these things on your own.
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  And things are too high stakes these days.
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  And life's too short to do it all by yourself and have all
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  that on your own shoulders.
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  This is why companies are organized in teams.
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  A lot of companies even have co-CEOs now because they know that that pressure
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  is just too much for one person to bear and it's, you're not getting,
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  you are not, you're not at your best when you have that kind of pressure.
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  But yet we can often be at our best when you have the support system of a team.
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  Next, how learn how to analyze risk.
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  This is really important and confidence because if you're not sure if you
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  should take a risk or not, then it's going to hold you back and you're
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  not going to feel confident about it.
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  But when you are really good at risk analysis and you've got some tools,
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  there's lots of tools out there the first one to go to is your decision tree.
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  If you think, yes, I do this, no, I don't do this, and then think what happens then
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  if it goes well and what happens if it doesn't go well, what happens if it goes
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  well that I didn't do it, and what happens if it doesn't go well that I didn't do it.
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  Just that that simple decision tree will really help you to know if you
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  are assessing something in a full way.
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  You can model it on a spreadsheet, there's very sophisticated
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  models that you can build.
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  There's a lot of different ways that we can do risk analysis.
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  Just getting out and talking to some people and finding out what other
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  people think about the situation can often be very enlightening as well.
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  So when we know that we've really analyzed a risk from from a lot of
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  different viewpoints, you're going to have a lot more confidence to,
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  to go ahead and take that step.
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  Our fifth thing is learning how to bounce back from failure.
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  So you'll have a lot more confidence if you know that even if it doesn't
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  go well, I'll still be okay.
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  And that's what a lot of people will need just to be able to take a step forward,
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  is to know that, hey, I can bounce back.
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  I'm resilient.
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  I have lots of skills.
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  I'm very talented.
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  I have the network.
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  I have the support system at home.
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  Whatever it is that you have that helps you be resilient, that's can be a very
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  good piece of building that confidence.
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  And it's important to remember that confidence is built
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  over many small moments.
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  It's not just one big thing that you did and now you're
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  gonna have confidence forever.
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  It doesn't work that way.
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  We have to continually be pushing ourselves.
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  And so it is good to develop that resilience if you don't feel like you're
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  resilient enough right now, take a look and see, where do I need to build
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  on that and what can I do so that I can start taking more small risks and
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  start building that confidence up.
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  So number six is grounding yourself in your why.
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  So your why is kind of made famous by Simon Sinek.
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  That's a really important thing to know.
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  So having a why, really understanding why is it that you
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  get up out of bed in the morning?
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  Why is it that it's important that you do the work you do?
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  Why is it that you want to provide?
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  Why is it that what you do is important in society?
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  Why is it important to your team, to your company?
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  Really tapping into all of these reasons why you do what
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  you do can really help you.
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  I can tell you that that gets me out of bed a lot and it gets me to do things,
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  even like creating this video, to really remember who I'm doing it for.
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  And then I really want to help leaders out there be the best they can be.
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  And that's super motivating for me.
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  It gets me to push my edges all the time.
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  And then finally number seven is build a supportive group
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  of fans that you can lean on.
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  Everybody needs their super fans and so, when you feel the fear of whatever
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  it is you want to attempt, that's significant, there's gonna be fear
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  If you're doing something that, that takes courage, that takes, pushing your
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  edges, that is always gonna be there.
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  And so it's great to be able to lean on those people that just love everything
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  you do and think you're the greatest.
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  So this could be your dog.
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  My dog is definitely one of my biggest supporters.
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  She thinks I am amazing, and I think about that sometimes.
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  If I could just be the person that she thinks I am, it would be great.
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  I also have a mentor that, that is a huge supporter of mine.
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  My husband is a huge supporter of mine.
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  My mom is.
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  I've got those people around that I can stop and think about them and what
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  they think of me before I start to act.
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  These shifts are how you can really start to push yourself out there to
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  take more risk to, do things that might feel scary and really do something that
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  wouldn't have been you in the past.
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  One of my clients is running an organization that's about 20 to 30 people,
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  depending on the, the time of year.
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  And this is an organization that has five partners.
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  When she was kind of put in charge of everything, her confidence needed to
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  grow for her to grow into that role.
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  And as we do, whenever you get promoted, you have to grow
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  into that role internally.
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  So it's one thing that somebody tells you, you are now this new thing.
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  You have to mentally promote yourself within as well.
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  And so she went through this process and, that imposter syndrome first came
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  up of like, who am I to do all of this?
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  And who am I to take charge?
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  How do I just start telling everybody what to do and start making decisions?
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  Because she wanted to, really kind of lean back and have the team do that more.
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  But she knew she needed to step up to lead and guide as,
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  as the company needed her to.
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  And so what she did was really go back to what her strengths are, that zone
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  of brilliance piece and she made some big, bold changes with the company
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  and that's really helped the company grow and be so much more stable.
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  The employees are happier, but before she made those changes, she
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  had to think through like, okay, what is the risk involved in here?
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  And what happens if it doesn't work?
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  How can I bounce back from that?
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  What kind of support system do I have?
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  How do I prepare people for the risk that we're taking?
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  And so that really helped her to get everybody on board and
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  get everybody's buy-in, that we're gonna make these changes.
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  There is some risk involved in it, but we're going to do that with
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  open eyes and we're going to do that because we see a better future.
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  That's really panned out for her because the company's just running so
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  much better and all of the partners acknowledge that she's really
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  been the one who's changed things.
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  And so that's a really good feeling for her as well, which, continually
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  builds on that confidence.
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  She's also in that process, really defined for herself and helped the staff too,
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  to really stop and buy into that vision on a daily basis of what it is they're
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  doing and why they're here doing it.
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  Thinking about the mission, the vision, and the values that they all bring to
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  the company, and then the, those mission, vision values of the company itself too,
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  so that they can all stay, tied into that.
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  And so let me remind you that everyone feels fear when they're
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  doing something significant.
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  It's what we do with that fear that defines our confidence.
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  So I want to leave you with three shifts.
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  What I first would like for you to do is to ask five people what
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  they see in you that will help you define your zone of brilliance.
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  I would also encourage you to do the Zone of brilliance exercise that's
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  linked below in the show notes for you.
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  This exercise is going to support you by helping you boil
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  down where your strengths lie.
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  So the first shift was to ask people what are five things about you that they
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  see, and then this exercise will help you to really fill out that full picture of
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  what your zone of brilliance is, and so that will help improve your confidence
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  and it'll also help you communicate your viewpoints more clearly because you'll
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  know where it is that you're coming from.
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  And then I would like you to learn how to use a decision tree.
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  I'll put a link to a good tutorial here and you can see
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  what a decision tree looks like.
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  And then learn how to use that to be making your decisions
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  and assessing your risk.
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  And then find your why.
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  I'll put a link to Simon Sinek's amazing Ted Talk, that that
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  is what put him on the map.
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  It's a really easy way to, to determine why it is that you do what you do.
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  So what is one thing that you could do to bolster your confidence?
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  I would love to hear in the comments if you're watching this on YouTube.
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  If you would like to dive deeper into women's leadership and how to
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  move up in your career, subscribe either on YouTube or wherever you
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  you'll get all the episodes to come and check out the recommended video here
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  to see how women are rising up without playing by the old rules that built these
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  male dominated industries and systems.