Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #251 Just A Couple Of Cheeky Monkeys

Transcript

#251 Just A Couple Of Cheeky Monkeys · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Macy's kindy on her bag. They attach like a card
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: with some safe people in Macy's life. The card is
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: called my five Heroes Help keep Me Safe. So it's like,
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: obviously that you've got mummy, you've got daddy, you've got grandma,
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: and you've got grandpa.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: Do you help her select these names?
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: No?
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: I didn't have no idea this existed. Please please, please,
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: please please please No.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: I saw it. I saw it. I was like, oh, like,
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: this is that the other days be out that kindy
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: for like two years or whatever, I've never seen it.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: I just saw it, and then I was like, oh,
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: this is pretty clever. But there's something on here that
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: I want to point out that you should just just
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: read the names out for the list.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Okay, here we got number one pole position Mummy.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: That's fair. Number two, she's also my pole position.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: God Daddy, Daddy, I like that man. Number three Grandma yeah,
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: and grandma other one.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Who's the other one?
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Number five? Grandma?
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: But which one?
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: We don't know? And I don't know how that ended
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: up there, like well the one yeah. I'm just like,
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: who's the other one? And I'm like, I was like,
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: we should find out who the other one is was like, oh,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: we better not because someone's going to be offended. So
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: I don't know who it is.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: That's why you've got to have the grandparents have to
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: have an agreement on is it nan, is it Poper?
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: Is it granny? You can't have crossover.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: No. But the thing is that we don't call them grandma,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: grandpa grandma anyway, so I don't know whose grandma other one.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: But congrat to number two. That's very good from you.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm working my way.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: Be awkward if the other one was ahead of you
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Number one.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: The other one dad, the other one.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: Welcome back to two Dating Dads. I am Maddie J
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: and I'm Ash And this is a podcast all about parenting.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: It is the good, it is the bad, and the relatable.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: And we will not give advice. Although we have been
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: giving a lot of advice lately, it's been slipping, so
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: we may need to rework the intro to this podcast.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Now we're just gaslight people, so say we're not gonna
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: and then it's easier. Yeah, let's admin.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: Don't believe a word we say. And we will not
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: talk about.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Kids or come well, we'll probably talk about.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: I'm going to start this podcast. Actually Ash and say,
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: what an incredible two minutes we had before recording. Just
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: an absolute treat It is, of course your birthday, Happy birthday,
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: and we celebrated it.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: With a monkey strip a gram. Yes I did, like, okay.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: So I was sitting here minding my own business, talking
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: to Matt about something, and all of a sudden.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: Vic and I've been I've been stressed out. Vic, I
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: don't know about you.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: And then I hear this, Oh.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: I didn't even butt nil.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: At first, I just thought.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: My rupperal is a monkey there? And You're like, anyway,
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: so when.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: The economy at the moment, the monkey was like, am
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: I in the right place? And I was like, did
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: you think it was me? At first? I thought, what
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: the fuck? She's on the meds, too many meds. And
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: I was like, look to my lip and I was like,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: what is this? Why is there a monkey with saggy tits?
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: A bit saggy.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: The costume needs a bit of work, but the thought
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: that counts. But as well, for a moment, I didn't
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: know what was going. I thought it was some sort
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: of fever dream.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: It looked like and we'll put it on socials but
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: it looked like imagine a father watching his car being
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: crushed by a machine. Yeah, his pride enjoying like a Mustang,
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: like being like into a cube. That's what That's what
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: your reaction was like on your face.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: I didn't know what to I honestly, I didn't know
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: what to think. I thought I was in some sort
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: of nightmare slash fever dream. I did say I don't
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: like and I shouldn't have said it. I always say
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: to people, don't show me your weakness, because I'll exploit it.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: And I've just done the complete opposite of that.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: When I went to Vic and I called you up
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: and I said, I've got an idea that Ash's birthday.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Good for you for remembering, and thank you, thank you.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: There's been a lot of nudges from those around me.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: I was going to tell you to leave it out
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: of the brief for next week and then just see
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: if he remembers. And then the last thing we do
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: is be like, god, guess what today is.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: Vick was like, I don't know if that's a good idea,
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: Like what is if he walks out? And I was like, good, great,
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: but then so Google Singer Grams First Company pops up,
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: give him a call, and they're like busy at the
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: moment of birthday out when you need to buy. Oh,
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: I don't know if we can make Tuesday work. And
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: I was like, I'm not going to be anyway. Come
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: back there like Tuesday's free, and I'm like, amazing, we have.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: A monkey free for you.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: And I was like, how much is this going to cost?
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: And I was like, you don't want to fucking know
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: what we paid for that. You don't want to know. Really,
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: we could be in Bali right now.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, we could.
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: That was was going have got dance to dress up
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: as a.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: Monkey, right, I know, I know we've got to We
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: got have bought a costume, put Dan in it and
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: we would have made decent money. That was really I
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: don't want to shoot on this company. And also she
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: goes to me, great news, it is available Tuesday, the
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: time slide is free. And just the way this has
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: worked out, We've got an amazing Brazilian dancer who was
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: so talented. She's gonna she can sing, she'll dance. And
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, this is going to be worth
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: a four hundred bucks that we're paying four hundred buck. No,
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: She gave me three unripe bananas? Am I supposed to
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: do that?
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: She was not any type of dancer nor singer English it.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Was it was a man because she said, she said
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: she's a he. She corrected, the monkey is a man.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: But the monkey so it's a se it's a woman.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: She's a male really in character.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: Okay, so that was you know, I think arguably one
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: of the best presents you've ever had is that? Is that?
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: What's saying?
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: I did say winning take your clothes off and and.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: She was like, well, like, let's just brush past that.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: But I do have another present, another, a serious present.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Where do we go?
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: And Laura was like, give him like a fleshlight And
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: I was like, I've already done that.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: Where did that? And my father in law found it.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: It's wrapped. It's not my birthday to day, you know
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: that beautifully wraps.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: When those coming out, it's gonna be just.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Checking getting character, just checking that you guys are aware
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: of it, all right, Hand it over, bring it over.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: I don't get a lot of wrap presents. I open
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: it now.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: Dinosaur wrapping paper.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: That's great. No, guys, shut up, are you serious?
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: I will not.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love it. So it's a one
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: two scale of a F one helmet, okay, because of
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: my obsession with Max for stapping. Very nice. Oh I
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: love it. Thank you who gave you this idea? April me?
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: That was that's a Maddie j original.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: It's this year's Yes, Oh god, thank you so much. Actually,
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: this is the best present you've ever gotten me.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: I got my dick in this one.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm sure it'll fit.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: It'll fit scrape.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: Besides, you remember we had that phone call because you're
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: going to go to a F one race and I
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: was like, who do you support? And I was like, oh,
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: what if your clue on? Cheeky me doing some digging
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: to find out who you support? It is, of course
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: Maxis Stapping. And can I just say everyone merch bloody hell,
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: that's not cheap, cheaper than the dancing you got me?
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: Sure?
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I it. I first looked, stupidly, I looked up
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: signed merch Maxims stappin.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Don't do that, Oh my god, don't do that.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: We need to get him to sign something, because you can.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: You can get him a sign anything. It sells for
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: thousands of dollars yeah, it's not cheap.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. Thank you very much. Sincerely. I
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: don't do a lot of and see you, thank you.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: They're usually sarcasm. Thank you, that's the best. That's the
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: best present that you've ever gotten.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: I purposely thought I can get him the best present
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: that he's ever had as well as the worst. I
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: was like a balance.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: You really went all out with the monkey. I was like,
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: far out, but that's got I love it.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: Will I ever use that company again?
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: Thanks?
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, probably not a company.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: I did ask for it Austin Powers and they were like,
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: it's a monkey or nothing, and I was like, okay,
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: I'll take the monkey.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: I do love Austin Powers. I thought, damn it, I
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: do love Austin. Next to a new movie out. There's
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: a new Austin Powers movie coming out.
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: Cool.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well that could have been AI. But that's close.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: That's close. Thank you again, thank you, thank you, thank you.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Speaking of celebrations, we have two things quickly, two hundred
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: and fifty episodes. Oh hang on, for give me if
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: I'm wrong, but that's a quarter of a thousand.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: And to celebrate, we've got the Monkey and fiftys.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: They're unripe.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: Victor said, was like, oh fuck.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: I when we get our shopping delivered, they delivered like
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: four times the amount of banana. For some reason, they
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: must think we're monkeys.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: It's happened to us as well. We've got to double
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: delivery bananas.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: They're just they're just padding out your shopping with bananas.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: But two fifty two fifty is good.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: And then the next thing is we hit one hundred
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: and twenty thousand on Instagram, so that is incredible. It
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: is incredible. Thank you to all the dotors out there,
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: all the loyal listeners and followers of this program.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: Actually it was nice when we didn't interview you and
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: I yesterday on another podcast called Mad About You YEP,
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: which I think will come out around today or tomorrow,
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: and we talked about how we first met and we're like, oh,
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: it's been like two hundred and two fifty and they
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: were like, wow, yeah, that's so many and I was like,
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: it is a lot.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: It's like two hundred and fifty hours more than yeah.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: And also shout out to anyone who's joined us from
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: day dot that is all that must be exhausted. Hey
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: you had you had my dan vix Dan, my Dan
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: at your house.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I do you know what? This is a bone I've
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: got to pick with you. I told you yes, or
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: you've been telling me get Dan over, get danby to
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: fix this stuff up? And I thought, what's the perfect
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: time to do with my wife's away. She can come back.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: The things that she will really bugging our will be done.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I said that I approve anyway, Dan comes over on
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: Friday to have a look at what needs to be
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: done and do it. Do some of it.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: Were you nervous? How did it go?
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 10:17
  Speaker 5: Good?
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: I was. Look, I was a bit self conscious just
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: because I'm not a trade but like, he's so gentle.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: He is very gentle lover. I know, isn't he You're
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: lucky lucky lady. He walks in and I'm talking to
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: him and I was like, what does your week look
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: like next week? And he's like, oh, I actually just
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: got the phone to Matt. I was like, excuse me.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: My exact words were, don't listen to anything. How fucking
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: idiot wants Okay, don't listen to that. I was like,
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: don't listen to him. He's had a turn. Okay, you're here,
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: and he was like, okay, sweet sweet, no worries. And
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: then someone calls me by the name of Matt a
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: few hours later, and I was like, you keep your
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: grubby hands off.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: We can sit. There's enough Dan to go around for everybody.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: I know. But you you I needed in there, and
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: you're still like, you know what this, I'll get in there,
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: get it. I would say he might have been you
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: might have distracted him.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: I said to Dan, no, rush whenever you like, and
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: he came running back to me. Shit, he was a little.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: Desperate, coming many. I'm coming.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: He's arriving tomorrow. And if that, hey, if that is
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: taken him away from you, I apologize. Has he finished
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: the job? What's he doing?
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's done sort of where I wanted to be out. Yeah,
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: I've just got to do I've just got to stand
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: and paint. That's one I said to him. Don't worry
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: about paint or anything like that. Oh my god, you
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: watched the plaster to be there for like two years.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: I just go in and out of production, production close.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: And He's like, I could paint it right now and
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: finish it.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: And is one thing about me that is so evident
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: is that I get so close to finishing something and
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: just don't finish it, like and I'm like, I mean, really,
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: I know, I just like so many things, Like I
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: literally got to the end of my apprenticeship and they're like,
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: all right, we just got to go to finish your
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: final thing of tape. It's like, sir, four years down
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: the drain. Shut up, I know what I wants down
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: the drain. Let's move on with my life.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: But what trade was that? Painting?
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: House?
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Painting?
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: Wow?
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's like all that time. And then I
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: was like, you know what I think I got. They
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: were like, I'll do the final assessment. And I realized
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: that I'm not going to do this after the final assessment,
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: So what's the fucking point. My mum was like, you
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: got to get the certificate? Shut up.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: You don't unless you're a doctor or a lawyer. You
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: don't need anything.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: Imagine yeah, imagine a painting certificate hanging up in my
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: office at home.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: I mean, it would go very well at the wall.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Doctor, doctor of paint.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: Anyway, he's coming tomorrow. He's going to fix the holes
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: in the wall that the kids have CAUs from jumping
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: on the couch too much.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: What do you mean hot like sort of holes.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: The couch has like a little like points in the
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: couch where it's the frames. When they jump on the gap,
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: they run, they jump in the couch and then bangs
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: into the wall and you've just got these big divots.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: And Laura has been in my ear being and I
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: was like, I have excited problem.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: Cover it with another couch.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: That's that was the plan. But dance coming tomorrow. So Dan,
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: if you're listening, can't we see Oh God, get a room.
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: Hey?
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: Can I give a little shout out to Trentos the
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: fresh Maker. He's a very funny man on social media
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: and you actually introduced him to me. And if there
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: was one thing that I didn't expect, it was a
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: man using our little spaghetti muffin recipe hack that we
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: did with Jewels the other week. And all of a
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: sudden the video pops up on my feed and it's
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: Trentos and he's like, I watched ashion Matt cooking spaghett
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: muffins and here's my version.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so you don't just say you don't have to
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: be a child to enjoy it, you.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: Know what I mean a lot of tough critics in
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: the comments. Oh really, Yeah, Well.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: That's on them because they have made the original spaghetti.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: So it's like, realistically, you can't shit shit on people
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: for that recipe because really you made the original. We're
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: just putting it together, right.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're attacking yourself be better at making, but you
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: attacking that recipe. You're standing in the mirror and you're
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: essentially like spitting on yourself in the mirror than.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: You be a better cook.
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: What were they saying in the comments?
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: I would just say what we Actually a few people
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: were like the Italians were mad, and I'm sure they
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: will be get over it. I mean treating past it
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: like that. I think it was chopping up the past
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: that the Italians didn't like. They you know, I did
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: come for the nonners previously. I'm now come back. Me
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: and the Italians we need to make up.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: You're not getting on.
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: We're not getting on at the moment.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: People love to just have a winge about It's literally,
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: how do not waste food? Okay, how do not waste food?
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: How to get a second life out of food? Let's
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: find something to hate on it, ash, I.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: Don't know if you saw my stories. The other day,
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: there was a dad he had organized a dad walk
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: in Melbourne. And unfortunately it pains me to say this,
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: but no one attended at all. Who's by himself?
• 14:42
  Speaker 5: No one turned up to my dad's walking group this morning,
• 14:46
  Speaker 5: But that doesn't matter.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: You know the horror story of a birthday party when
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: no one comes.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it was like that. Oh And he was like,
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: it was heartbreaking.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: Me watching this dad walking by himself. It was like
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: a kid in a playground for their birthday with absolutely
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: no one around.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: It break my heart. That's ballsy to post that too,
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: And people were like they were loving him, loving that
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: he was trying to do something great, and also being like,
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: how can we support this? So he doesn't walk every Sunday,
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: but I thought we'd call him really quickly so we
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: can put the details out there and we can make
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: sure that the next walk that he does, he'll be
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: getting mobbed.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: In a good way, mobbed and mugged.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'm going to call Zachary. Hello, Zach speaking
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: Hello Zach. It's Maddie Jay here with Ash.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: Hey, Zach, Hey, how are you doing?
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: How are you?
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah? I'm great? Thanks, that's good.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: Can I ask Zach? I just spoke to Ash about
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: Sunday just gone, how are you feeling post walk?
• 15:51
  Speaker 5: I sound good regardless. It wasn't like my spirits were
• 15:54
  Speaker 5: broken or anything like that. I had kind of promoted
• 15:57
  Speaker 5: on my Instagram a couple of times about it. So
• 16:01
  Speaker 5: the main reason I guess for making the video was
• 16:04
  Speaker 5: just to let people know. No one turned up, but
• 16:07
  Speaker 5: it was still a great morning and I'll still be
• 16:10
  Speaker 5: back to do it again, because I had had a
• 16:12
  Speaker 5: bit of a misfire six months earlier where the same
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: thing happened, but then the next.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: Week there was a few people and a few more and.
• 16:21
  Speaker 5: It was actually really successful, So I was prepared.
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: For that to be the case again.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: I love your attitude because for me, my biggest fear
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: is organizing anything when no one turns up. Well, even
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: if I'm like going to dinner with a mate, if
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: they're five minutes later, I'm like, ah, it's stressful.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: I mean, we had the book signing, You're like, what
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: if no one comes.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh gosh, but you've taken this in
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: such a great way, and we wanted to put the
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: word out there for anyone who is in Melbourne if
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: they want to join you on a dad walk, where
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: should they go?
• 16:50
  Speaker 5: The Atbitstrad Convent car park of a Sunday morning at
• 16:54
  Speaker 5: eight point thirty is where I'll be. I'm thinking fortnightly,
• 16:59
  Speaker 5: just to give myself a chance to sleep in. Maybe
• 17:03
  Speaker 5: not that that really does happen, but you can always
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: you can always dream. Yeah, but fortnightly that's where we'll meet.
• 17:10
  Speaker 5: And there's just a few beautiful tracks there along the
• 17:13
  Speaker 5: Yarrah and there's no better start to the day. How good?
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: How far will you walk? In case people are like,
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: well what am I Am? I going to be hiking
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: for six hours?
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: No? Absolutely not.
• 17:24
  Speaker 5: It's nice flat terrain that will stay on and it's
• 17:28
  Speaker 5: probably like a half hour.
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: Wander more than anything.
• 17:33
  Speaker 5: Usually a bit of bonding at the start, I mean,
• 17:34
  Speaker 5: depending on how many turn up. We usually did a
• 17:37
  Speaker 5: little activity just to say, a highlight of our parenting
• 17:41
  Speaker 5: life that week and then highlight away from parenting, just
• 17:44
  Speaker 5: to try to remember where humans are outside of just
• 17:47
  Speaker 5: being duds I suppose too, And that was a good
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: way to kick things off and usually set the tone.
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: And then yeah, just a little wander for half hour
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: or so.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: That is like the nicest best thing I've ever heard.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: That is, are you like some kind of angel, who
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: are you?
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: Absolutely not and don't do any reference checks.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: Can I ask before you go, what has been your
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: highlight of the week so far as a dad?
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: Wow, it's an easy one.
• 18:17
  Speaker 5: We did sleep school a couple of weeks ago, a
• 18:19
  Speaker 5: very kind of light version of that, and then our
• 18:23
  Speaker 5: boys slept for ten and a half hours two nights ago.
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 18:28
  Speaker 5: It never done above six before that, and last night
• 18:32
  Speaker 5: was horrendous, but we did strike gold there for one night.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: How good. Oh, that's such a good feeling. People who
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: don't have kids will never understand that feeling.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: I did think you might have said the podcast, that's
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: the second man, that's like putting in front of your children.
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: I'm not thinking straight.
• 18:53
  Speaker 5: I would have answered that I had I've got ten
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: hours sleep last night.
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: I would have said the podcast, Oh, I love that
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: a sharper.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: And I know you've written a book as well, so
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: we'll include in the show notes the details of your
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: book as well, which is called Becoming Dad.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: I wrote it about the first fifty days.
• 19:09
  Speaker 5: In real time, so I write a real roller coaster
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: of emotions through those fifty days, and I think there'll
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: be things in there that every other parents, not just
• 19:20
  Speaker 5: dads will relate to, but hopefully it will be a
• 19:22
  Speaker 5: little peek behind the curtain of parents in life or
• 19:26
  Speaker 5: dad life for someone who's about to have that journey.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: You're really putting us to shame. What you're doing is amazing.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Good luck on the next walk will also include the
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: details on our socials as well, so we are expecting
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: big numbers.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Look for pressure on him.
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it'd be great to see.
• 19:43
  Speaker 5: I'm hoping Melbourne's weather doesn't let us down, which is
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: always a factor.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: I'm sure it will. See if you ever in Sydney,
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: we'd love to walk with you as well.
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: Amazing.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, thanks Pep Legend.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: Thanks thanks mate.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: I've got an exciting announcement to make very exciting.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: Another kid.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: No no, no, no kid, although there was a child born,
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: so Melon Enzoo. For anyone who may not know the story.
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: I met them in the park, I want to say
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: five years ago. Five years ago Bronti Park, and I
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: can't remember. I think they were just in the middle
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: of the very good and I think we're at the
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: park and then we had Lola was born and they
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: were thinking about a second I think mel was already
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: pregnant and so they were kind of looking at us
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: being like, how are you guys finding two kids? And
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: then we could just kept seeing them at the park
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: and then from there a beautiful friendship was born. Love
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: that although one thing that annoys me. It was right
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: before Laura and I got married and we started hanging
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: out with them more and more and we were like,
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: numbers for the wedding. They're locked down, you know, do
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: we Is it too premature to extend and invite to
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: these park people that we've met I think more than
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: park people.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: You are now, but at the time they would have
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: been just park people.
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: Lauda was like, let's invite them, and I was like,
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: that's coming on way too imagine just you know, bumming
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: into sign and then weeks later being like, do you
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: want to come to our wedding too much?
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Did you have anyone pull out that you could like
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: put them in, Like in that spot we had that.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: We we could have could have filled, you know, they
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: could have made the numbers up. I'm not gonna lie.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I remember when we were getting married and like
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: someone pulled out the last minute. I can't remember what
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: the circumstances with my dad's like one of their friends
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: who I was also friends with, like, they're in town,
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: they're at a funeral. So they went to a funeral
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: and then came to my wedding.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: But I also thought, you don't want to get the
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: call up last minute and be like, hey, you're around
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: two weeks because the wedding is happening and we'd love
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: you to come, and you'd be like, I'm just a
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: seat villa.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm happy to fill a seat.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: I'm not I want the original, like, oh god, I
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: want to be on the the like the OG invite list.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: I have been number one on the list, or I'm
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: not coming on nothing.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: So I said, don't do it. Anyway. Turns out we're
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: now very good friends.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: We always look back at how it's awkward.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: And they've just had a baby, their third baby, mar
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: third Marla was born, that's right, and Marlow beautiful boy,
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: and I am his godfather.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: Just to the one.
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so if.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: Something happened, well do you know Jesus No, no, no, no,
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: I meant just what happens if something God forbid, Yes,
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: something happens to the other children, I mean problem to
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: the parents. And then they're like, okay, well, who's the godfather. Well,
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: they've all got different god parents.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: I'll take Marlow split them up.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: Is that how it works? Well?
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: I always thought if you're a god parent, the rule
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: was okay, you've got the kid. If something happens to.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: Us, it's not really the case, isn't it.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: Back in the day it used to be a god
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: mother or father was appointed to try and be that
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: religious connection for that child.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: Not religious.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: Well said, so it's now the kind of the term
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: that people are using is guard parent. You're a gudfather.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: People, people lame angel, they lame everything up.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: Don't that.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: I prefer godfather because I feel like a mobster.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: It gives you a bit like I'm the gudfather.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a bit.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: It doesn't doesn't roll off the tongue. It's not just
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: So why did they change the name because of that?
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: I think people I don't know, people are just giving
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: it like a modern day version. But I like my godfather.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: I do like I'm.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: Now a godfather. But just remember treating me absolutely. Please
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: run up a forse. You're going to know. Yeah, I
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: was going to wear a suit today, but I was
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: in tears.
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: You know I.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: Can hold it together.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: No, you can't like, hey, you want to be the
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: godfather and you're like, oh my god. I wasn't prepared.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: I was. I was in complete shock. And then I
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: was also I was I was wondering is that like?
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: Was it? Was it an invite to me and Laura?
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: And then they were like, have a photo with your
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: Laura was just it is me, just you, just me.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: So you would be a single dad at some point,
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: if something God forbid happens, it'll be this is my family,
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: but I'm also a single dad to this child, to
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: marlow Yeah, will you treat Marlowe any differently to your
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: other kids?
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: You've got a boy. I told Marley and Lola. I
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: was like, I'm a godparent now and they were like, what,
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: I have one another child in the family.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: I was like.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: Yet, But I said to them what can I like,
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: what's my role here? And I'm like, well, just you know,
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: you can get him drunk, underage, that kind of thing,
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: all the fun stuff. Yeah, So like an uncle, I
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: did wonder what should I get him now as a present,
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: like a legacy piece, a lock of.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: Your hair, that's okay, I've isle of seamen.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: I did know. I thought it would be nice, maybe
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: like a handcarved toy.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: Or okay, you're going to handcarve a toy, not me.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, I'm going to outsource it like something that's
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: you know, when he's an adult, he can look back
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: and go, this is what my godfather gave me.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's that.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: Maybe, like a lot of people, maybe I don't know
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: how compass compass he can find his way.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: You're romanticizing this way. I think once that kid grows
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: up and someone's like, who's you got, Like, I don't know,
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: and not me, No, not me.
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be there every step of the way
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: when you graduates.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: Don't forget who you are and where you came from.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: Not from me. I was just in the background. I
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: was a friend of your dad's.
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: This is a big responsibility and it's one that I'm
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: not going to stuff.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: I can tell.
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: So you've got a Marlee and a Marlow Marlow, Yeah,
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: the boy.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: Imagine if you're out in the parka Marley and Marlow,
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: where's Merlow?
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: Because in Capsund AND's a lot of lolls Marley, Marlow, Lola.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Caps We're shut today.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: To shout out to marlowe yes and if anyone has
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: any great ideas for what you can like a legacy present.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: Get in the Godfather box set and be like, when
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: you're old enough, you'll understand what my.
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: Role really is.
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: Anyone besides Ash, I love your idea.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: I think that's good, good stuff.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: It's not. I wanted to get him like a nice
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: like a nice watch maybe, but then he can't wear
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: it till he's older.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: Get him the monkey that you gave me.
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, oh my god, watches will be obsolete by
• 26:31
  Speaker 4: the time he's older. I reckon.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: That's a big cause.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: Great used to the word obsolete. By the way, we
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: don't normally use big words like this on the podcast
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: dumb it Down.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: For what does that mean? They will not exist?
• 26:45
  Speaker 5: Oh?
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: I just need to quickly given up that on Buster
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, shit, last week he had a twisted tummy.
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: You get a cone.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: He had the cone, had the cone. But he's a
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: big boy and the cone is fucking enormous. He's like
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: walking on the hallway and knocking for photo frames off
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: the wall like Poppy's.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: Like, oh my god, dogs, they just look like lamps
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: with legs.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: I've got another option for him, because he has a
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: you know, he got his whole stomach cut over untwist
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: the stomach, and we have a new option for him,
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: which he just looks adorable wearing this. So this is
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: to replace the cone.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: Hasn't this dog been through enough?
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: Apparently not?
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: Is that got buttons like a it's like a baby onesie.
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: So he wears that to avoid him wanting to like
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: lick his stitches.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, we'll get a camouflage so people can't tell
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: you wearing it. Look at it.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: It's like a little bump flap.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, the poor thing.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: Put this on social so you guys can see it.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: Laura bought it and she's like it's great. And Buster
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: absolutely hates it when he sees it coming towards him.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: He's like, I don't want to wear it.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, my dog, like you cannot dress. My dog hates it.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: But you see dogs out, especially in winter, and they've
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: got like a little coat on. You're like, oh, that
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: looks nice. I want to do that, but my dog.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: You put a coat on my dog and it's like.
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: Well, the hard thing Breeze is putting something on them
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: is that he went out for a WII and I
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: looked at him just as he kind of went into
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: his peace squat and I was like, he's still wearing
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: the onesie. So he through the onesie. Poor guy.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: Is there not a hole for the there's not a.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: Hole for the cock?
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: No, because burying someone.
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: So he've got to undo the flaps, folded up and
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: then when he finishes the we folded n put it
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: back up. But yeah, so he's doing really well. I
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: think not out of the woods and not out of
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: the woods yet. Is that they're saying?
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: How long is the recovery?
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: They say the only thing about these conditions is that
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: when they untwist, there's a really good chance that will retwist,
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: so where every time you eat something and we're like, oh,
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: breath literally, So he's doing well.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: Is he pooped yet?
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: In the house plenty of.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: Breaking news, Vick, What do you go?
• 28:57
  Speaker 4: This one that came across my desk? I saw and
• 28:59
  Speaker 4: I thought this would be every parent's worst nightmare. Two
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: Melbourne kindergarten children have been caught on CCTV skipping down
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: a busy road after escaping from childcare through a hole
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: in the fence. The four and five year olds ran
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: over a kilometer home together to watch K Pop Demon Hunters.
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: The children were found safe and unharmed, but the frightening
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: incident has sparked an investigation into how the escape happened.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: That is absolutely brilliant.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: Crafty buggers, aren't they look at this?
• 29:30
  Speaker 4: The vision of them skippy, so.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: Heavy, their blurry faces.
• 29:33
  Speaker 4: There's one woman who looks absolutely appalled.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: The old lady. The old lady, She's like that ain't right.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, good for her. One kilometer though, that's scary.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: My kids won't even walk down the hallway without being like,
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: my feet hurt.
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: And how many roads did they have to?
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: Really wanted?
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: CA Pop Demon Hunters also as well, like the road, say,
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: like the sense of not being hit by a car
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: these kids. It's great my kids are get hit by
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: a car immediately, Yeah it would have been because that's
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: just like, come on, guy, Like yesterday I were going
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: down to the car, okay, aprils away. We'll talk about
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: that in a minute, and I was like, oh, I
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: forgot something. I'm like cars in the garage. I'm like,
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: go and stand by the car and garret. I'm going
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: to run up and oscar mustn't have heard me. And
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: I've gone up to get something from the house and
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: come back down. He's at the bottom of the stairs
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: and he was like balling. I was like, where did
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: you go? I've been by three I'm like, bro, you're
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: still within the property. Just ship out, like just really,
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: I'm like seriously. And then I was like, look, if
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: that's the case, you think, I don't know dat, just
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: go to the front door. Okay, go to the front door.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: But it's like Oscar was at KINDI or at school
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: and someone's like we should escape. He'd be like, oh,
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: not for me out there. You don't know what's out there.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: It's like, that's so true. These kids don't know that.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: That's probably the reason why they got home safely. They
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: don't know what's out there. They're just gone about their day.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: I mean, there's only one place says kids are going
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: to end up. They're gonna end up in jail.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: Right, We're not going to get out sound.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: I mean, how do you explain that? You know, when
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: you get a message from daycare, like you know they
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: had a little like kids gone and like what happened,
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: like get bit by another kid? Bang the head, like
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: we've lost Timmy and Susan.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know he's here watching K pop teaman hunters,
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: like I already know I could have text you and
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: told you they're missing anyway.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: Look good, that's great, good brazen behavior, but brazen.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: But yeah, like I get like the investigator, like how
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: did they get out?
• 31:22
  Speaker 4: Like when there was a hole in the fence and
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: they managed to like figure out how to maneuver it out.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: They'll start turning on us soon.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: I always just say to my kids, if you leave,
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: you're gone, Like if you go like there's no food
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: out there, there's no food out there, or I'm just
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: like you know, and that most of the time that
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: I was scared of the night. Now like right away,
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: see what happens.
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: Do your kids ever run away?
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: There has been one time where Marley tried to set
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: up a lemonade store at the front of the house
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: and we didn't know that, and the hell is she
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: she like set up these comes and we're like, Jesus,
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: what are you doing? That's out time?
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: You know? Do you know what?
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: You know what? Garage has like a flat top that
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: you can and standing. Lola loves to go up there,
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: and I'm always.
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: Like I love it up there, thank you. Sometimes when
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: you're at home, I'll just go and stand up there.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: And she ran back in the house one morning and
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: she was like really distraught, and I said, what's like,
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: what's happened? This is in the morning before school and
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: she goes The builders yelled at me and I was like, oh,
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: what do you mean, And they're building across the road.
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: They look over she's skipping around on top of the
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: garage and they were all like, oh god, you shouldn't
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: be there for a safety and they were yelling out
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: at her.
• 32:31
  Speaker 4: And I was like, oh, that's doing the parenting for you.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: Thanks guys.
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: You don't want to give a breakfast as well. Lola
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: was like they were yelling at me and I was like, no, no,
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: they were just they were making sure you're okay. And
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: she was like, but that was so mean. They're all
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: like big belly builders.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: But I was like, thanks boys, keeping kids safe and
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: building at the same time. Now, I mentioned April was
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: away on bat line over here.
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: How are you doing?
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: You look you look disheveled. You know, you don't look
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: at you're looking well considering you know, you're on your
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: own out there.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so far, so good. She's having a good
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: she's on a well earned and well deserved break. Just
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: have a wine, unwine. She's having a good time. I
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: don't know if she'll come home. She's having that good
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: of a time, but like all good.
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: She can't tell if you're joking or not.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: Well, she's on a tropical island. I wouldn't want to
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: come home either. But she sent me the photo before
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: of just like she's at Mushroom Beach and.
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: It's like the water looks beautiful.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: I center a photo back of you, I'm and she
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: was just like, okay, thanks, all right, It was okay.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: Any photos of the kids are just.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: Like button all good. It's just that logistical being one
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: parent with two kids, and I'm not very good at
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: planning out a whole like okay, I've got to drop here,
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: drop there, the whole logistics of it. I feel like
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: I'm ahead, that I'm behind on my head behind. I
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: don't feel confident in my my morning plan whatsoever? What
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: do you like?
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: What what do you mean like?
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: Getting I'm actually I think I've come up with something
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: that's actually really helped me on my iPad. I've got
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: a countdown timer yep, okay, and I put it up
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: on the big bench so everyone can see it, and
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: I'm like, it's counting down from an hour and five
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: when we've got to leave. This is what needs to
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: be done by all of us, not just you, before
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: we let And that seems to work.
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: Because that's genius because kids have no concept of a
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: minute or you know, they don't know. I'm always like,
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: we've got to be at the door by eight thirty,
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: and they're the.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: Only problem I've come across. I've snagged a problem along
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: the way with this plan, which I think is genius.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: It's a screen, and what do kids want to do.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: They want to fucking watch it. So instead of doing things,
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: they're just watching the screen countdown.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, giving them a screen in visual sight
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: is like having a crack pipe loaded up the drug
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: just out of reach and placed on the coffee table
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: next to a lighter for a drug addict.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: And so don't touch yeap. They're like, I'm like, you know,
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: you've got it the things I said, I just.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: Want to so I touch it. I won't watch anything.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: I want to hold the pad.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: And yeah, exactly right. And then I'm like, okay, sweet, fine,
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: get it. Like the last two mornings been great, so
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: I got one more morning, which is the tomorrow morning
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: is the most hectic because I've got to be out earlier,
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: so we'll see how that goes. But she's having a
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: great time and we miss her and we need her back,
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: so come back please, and don't ever believe us ever again.
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: Has she been flaunting her holiday? Has she been? She's
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: been pretty good, like because when Laura's away, she's like, ah,
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: we're on di Dinner last night was terrible, and you know,
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: the weather's not been good.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: This is what I'm receiving.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: Okay, what are you got?
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: Okay, I am receiving images like this keeping by My
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: wife's profile is private on Instagram. Okay, you're gonna.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: Open that right up. Nah, let the people see.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: She's sending me images and like this is what which
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: one's better? And I thought my response here was genius
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: because I didn't want able to be like, Okay, here's
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: two photos of me, which one's better? And we all
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: know what's going to happen if I pick one. She's
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: going to say what's wrong with the other one when
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with it. So I wouldn't have thought that, Well,
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: you don't know my wife, Okay.
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: So she sent me like this, right, okay, she sent me,
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, I don't know if I should be
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: looking at these.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: She's in a Bikinian beach.
• 36:12
  Speaker 4: It's on Instagram.
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: It's I'm looking at a bottom.
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: Nice.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: Don't zoom in, you creep anyway, she said, Read my response.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: Read my response. This is actually for all the husbands
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: out there listening. This is genius.
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: I would go that one.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, all right, you were you picked the one
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: that you would want in your head. It was that
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: the first one. Yes, okay, Now go to the response.
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: You say, first one, better balance of everything in the photo.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: You look great in both xxx, lovely replies.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: See what I did there? I gave the answer to
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: the one I wanted, but for completely different reasons. That
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: didn't have anything to do with her because she looks
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: great in both. So she didn't have the opportunity to
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: come back and say, well, why did you pick that one,
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: because quite frankly, I don't care for that anyway. She
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: continues to send me photos.
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: Like that, Which one should I because the second one
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: there's also like a random guy who's quite close, which
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: I don't like. Not to alarm you, but there's just
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: a couple of men.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: He's got money. Jesus, I always say to you, if
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: you're going to have an affair, make sure he's got money.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: It's so romantic.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: She's got to do it for a reason, Jesus, I
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: want to benefit somehow, I guess anyway.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: I'm remember, honey, like a Russian oligarch with lots of money.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: It's gonna happen. Make it worthwhile.
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: I love that. Such a supportive husband.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: You thank you, Thank you anyway. So we're doing good.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: We're getting there in the end. So well done. What's
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: going on here?
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: Speaking of screens, I don't know if you've ever had
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: this problem, but my kids know my password.
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: And it's one of the most annoying parts of parenting
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: is when your kids understand your password and have access
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: to your phone.
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: Mine keep telling people I don't know, well, my pass
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: code isn't like, got to change it again, yeah, and
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: changing is so annoying.
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: Whenever I leave my phone on a table somewhere, I
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: look away, look back and they're on it watching something,
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, ah. Sometimes they're on TikTok and they're like,
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: what is this dad, I'm like, oh, what's your algorithm?
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: You put that down? And so I've changed my pass code.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: But then I keep forgetting that I've changed my pass codes.
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: So then I get my phone muscle memory, and I
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: get it wrong and get it wrong. I've been locked
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: out of my phone for half an hour?
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: Is that waw that?
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: Yes? Exactly. I want to speak to you, I really do,
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: but my phone's locked me out. You get it wrong,
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: it's five minutes, get it wrong again, it's fifteen minutes. Again,
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: it's half an hour. It's and I'm like, remember, this
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: is the pass code, And I picked my phone up
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: and go get it wrong and.
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: Get it wrong. It's muscle memory. Oscar keeps telling people mind,
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: but I'm not changing it because I ask Oscar he's
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: got written down. He's like, I'll tell you what interesting
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: fact about me my dad's past codes? Anyway, painful ash.
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: I would like to acknowledge a very important day today.
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: It is, of course, education day or education week? Is
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: it a week? Vig is a day or week? What
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: are we?
• 39:10
  Speaker 4: I think it's a different day for each school.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: Ours is tomorrow, every day. It's just every day's education day.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: It's a fucking school, well said I said, and I
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: just think we've got enough on our plate right now.
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: There's a lot going on, and I feel like dads
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: are lucky in a sense that the bar is low okay,
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: and you don't have to do much to receive a
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: round of applause. But sometimes I've noticed I don't know
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: if this is just me and I'm being sensitive here.
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: I will say that I know I'm being sensitive, but
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: sometimes other parents will laugh at me when I'm like, oh,
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: it's just been a bit stressful, and what are you know?
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: Why are you stress You're the dad, And I'm like,
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: my mental load, bro, lot's going on and they're like,
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: you know, you don't have to make the lunches, you
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: don't have to worry, and I'm like, that's exactly what
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: I do.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: I just did it this morning.
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: I think dads get forgotten about because in some cases
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: they take on the mental load and I've got no
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: one to win to because they're like, well, you don't
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: do it, and I'm like, but I but I do.
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: I do.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: You don't understand, but it's me yeh.
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: I'm like I'm struggling, Like you got let me struggle
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: with your moms.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: And they're like Nah, you've got it easy.
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're a dad. Get over there and talk to
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: the dads. And I'm like, I don't want to talked
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: to me.
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: No exactly, because they're like, they don't do the lunches.
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: We have nothing in common. But this is the mom's
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: saying it all. The dad's saying it no the mums.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: I try and like brow down with the mums and
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: they're like, get out of here. Why are you stressed out?
• 40:33
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: I like because it's a lot going on right now,
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: and They're like, but you, what are you doing? And
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: I'm like, just as much as you do just doing
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: all the things. I'm like you, I'm one of you.
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: I need three lads are washing this morning.
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: I hang them all up.
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: I did the lunches. I'm doing it too.
• 40:46
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: I mean yeah, safe was away, but I would do
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: it anyway.
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: We've just had one hundred days. I've done that outfit.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: We've got our education day. I've also got book week
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: coming up next week. Marley just started a netball Lola
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: has to do dance. I haven't enrolled her in a lesson. Also,
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: popping needs new bottles. She needs a new four. I
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: fucking forgot to get nappies as well. I'm like, I'm
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: as stressed as you guys, and they're like, no, you're not.
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: Also the card for gymnastic.
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: Also also gymnastics, Marlin needs a new leotard and they're
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: gonna spin that fucking wheel. I'm like, I just my
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: plays and bust his body had surgery.
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: No they don't. Yeah, all that could be happening in
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: a family's life. But you're you should be stressed free
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: because it's not on you, but it is.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: Let me struggle with you.
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: You're not like not to cause any offense, but like
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: you're not getting up at six o'clocks ago and work
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: on a job side or whatever, and then coming back
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: you're like you're getting up, you're doing the breath, like
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: maybe ate two bites of two different things for breakfast
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: this morning. And it wasn't April that had to get
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: it for it was me. It was like I was
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: doing that sort of thing as well, which I would
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: usually do. But like I get like from generations and
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: generations of people of Dad's not actually doing anything. It's
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: like the thought that this generation of dad is still
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: like that generation dad, so obviously that mum might have received,
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: her dad might had been as president, and her mom
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: might have winged about it.
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: What triggered me was we had education day. Marley was
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: doing her dance performance that she's been learning.
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: All year today and it was this morning.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: It was a great performance. Actually, the funny teacher accidentally
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: press stop on the music halfway through the performance, and.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: So the kids were all like, it's like when you're
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: watching it like a live show and they're like, get
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: the audience to sing the chorus and they're like, the.
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: Kids were froze. And then I think the teacher was
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: scrolling on their phone.
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 42:30
  Speaker 4: See that's the problem with iPhones. That would never have
• 42:33
  Speaker 4: happened to like a cassette player.
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: Yes, as a former dancer, bring back the cassettes. Then
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: she goes fumbles her phone, presses play again, and then
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: the kids couldn't quite pick it up. It was a
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: tough conditions out there for the kids, it really was.
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: But to one of the moms, I was like, I
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: was just checking the kids arriving to school in their
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: dance uniform, which is like, you know, it's sparkly leotard,
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: and she was like, oh, classic, dad doesn't know what's
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: going on and I'm like, there's a lot of my
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: plate right now.
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: That's a pretty like okay question, Please help me. I
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: need how She was like, uh, that's a I think
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: that's a valid question.
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I asked silly questions all the time.
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: I know it's not silly. It's like, Okay, there's rules
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: around these things, right Like a ballet for example, makes
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: got ballet shoes, but she can't wear balot shoes to
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: ballet because they're ballet. They get damn it. That's a like.
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: I was like, put your balot shoes and Macy.
• 43:25
  Speaker 3: Was like, no, like what.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: I was like, don't talk to me like that. No,
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: you're not understanding. It's not like yeah, She's like, it's
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: not that I don't want to. I really want to
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: as well. It's not up to me.
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: They're the rules.
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: I was like, what rules. So I get it. That's
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: just that's like I would be the same.
• 43:49
  Speaker 5: But I do.
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: I know the teachers they put a lot of effort
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: into the education day. We start off by being in
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: the classroom, which is it's really lovely. Like Marley and Lowe,
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: we're both so punned to be like and this is
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: what I write in my English book and Laula like
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: this is my coloring in and they're just proud as punch,
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: really really nice, and that God, my heartbreaks for those kids.
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: I didn't have a parent Rocker. Oh yeah. I was like,
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: wasten here, Billy, what did you write your book? And
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: Lala was like, focus on me, Yeah.
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: What are you talking about?
• 44:21
  Speaker 3: Los?
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: I remember going to one. It was an Oscars in
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: New One. But I am such a believe it or not,
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: I'm an EmPATH when it comes to kids like that.
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: That really hurts my feelings. And I was like, and
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I just sit down next to another kid,
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: show me what you got, Show us what you got.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: I'm like, that's awesome, and it's like did you swear
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: with them? Yeah? Give me that. But people have to work,
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: so it's I don't like that that they do those
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: sort of days where it's like there's going to be
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: parents that have to work, Like especially cost living and
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: stuff like that. I know, and just like throws constantly
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: out there for what.
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: Cost of living? While are we speeding?
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: Cost? Well?
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: Okay? And so what physics is if I go faster
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: than I can roll further and it's cheaper, but like, yeah,
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: it's like in the middle of the day. I remember
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: being at an assembly once and this kid was getting
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: an award and his dad he turned up right when
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: it was going to happen, happened, saw it. He was
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: proud as punch, and then he was like, I've got
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: to run. Can get a photo of this?
• 45:28
  Speaker 4: Well?
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I did go go for sure,
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: because I felt for him because I don't have to
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: do that. But like also like I just felt like
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: that sucks.
• 45:37
  Speaker 4: It's really hard for the parent and the kid, Like
• 45:40
  Speaker 4: the kid wants you there so badly, but you want
• 45:42
  Speaker 4: to be there. That was actually one of the reasons
• 45:44
  Speaker 4: I changed like my whole career around, because like I
• 45:47
  Speaker 4: wanted to be available for like school events and stuff.
• 45:49
  Speaker 4: But I talked to my friends and like they suffer
• 45:52
  Speaker 4: because they have normal jobs where you can't just leave
• 45:56
  Speaker 4: to go to an assembly or a school day, and
• 45:58
  Speaker 4: they sprung this school day on like week go.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: The school's like surprise, motherfucker, I know tomorrow.
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: Can they do that on purpose? Yeah, it's really hard
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: for parents around the corner. They should put all those
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: things I reckon, like they put all they're like, okay, well,
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: over the course of the year, your kids getting recognized
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: for this, getting recognized for that.
• 46:17
  Speaker 6: There's going to be a day close to the end,
• 46:20
  Speaker 6: one day for all of those things for you to
• 46:22
  Speaker 6: come in and to their classroom where your child will
• 46:25
  Speaker 6: be recognized and you can celebrate at the time with
• 46:28
  Speaker 6: them for those things that they've done over the year.
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: Not spread them out and spring them on you two
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: days before.
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: I reckon spread No, but I don't bottleneck and ash well.
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: I think Bottlenecker because then you can reduce the amount
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: of your life that you're missing out on. It's one day.
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: They need something to keep them engaged throughout the year.
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: The other way to do that did you keep who
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: engaged the kids? But there was there was notice. I'm
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: sure they did.
• 46:51
  Speaker 4: I just read like honestly, honestly, we were all sprung
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: with it.
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: We're like, yeah, I'm on the way to schools. I
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: need a paint shirt. It's like two questions, What the
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: fuck is a paint shirt? You got a shirt on?
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: You want your old painting shirt too late?
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: Like a smock? What's a smock that should be in
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: his school bag at all times? Do you have a smock?
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: In your don't look at me like this is the lunchbox.
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: Of course I do.
• 47:16
  Speaker 3: I have.
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: Of course I have two smocks and a paint set
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: and an easel. Never leaves home without it.
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, one of those hats beret and do
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: you even know the name of that?
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: A paint palette.
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: Oh okay, moving on, there was one.
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: There was one family. I've been through. It is my
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: second education day, so I know.
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: You're a veteran.
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: I'm a veteran. I've been here before.
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you should have seen last year's mom, though
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: much fucking better than driver.
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: So there was another family in the kindie year because
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: I was with Lola at the second end of the
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: classroom session. But there's one dad and the mom and
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: they're like, they're both like, oh you know, she's we've
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: got the assembly now, okay, and we like this will
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: go for fifteen minutes, right because the kids kindykids are
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: singing a song and because we've got meetings. And I
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: was like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no no,
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: it is not fifteen minutes. You were very mistaken.
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: The old wiley fox in the corner.
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: Let me tell you how this last year I was
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: still and I was like, you'd think you'd think they'd
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: start with the Kindy kids in the song. Oh no, no, no, no, no,
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: that's at the end. Yeah, I know, I will have
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: them's assembly go for like fifteen minutes. And I was like, Nie,
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: so young, so foolish. We will be forty five minutes. Oh,
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: we will have to sit through everyone from the recorder quartet,
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: the dance troops. We have no offense to anyone who
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: was in this band. We have the parent band. Okay.
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: They came on and I'm like, no one is fucking
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: here to watch the parents on stage?
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: Do us?
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: And they were like was everyone doing? I'm like, just
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: play the fucking song?
• 49:02
  Speaker 3: Oh right?
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: They playing.
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: It was a good song. It was Coldplate, which one.
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: I was.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: I was like, wrap it up, come on, and they
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: did the kindy song. And also I had to race
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: back kid because we had the singing gorilla. The Kindy
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: kids sang their song and then they were like brilliant
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: and I was like all right, and they're like, let's
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: do it again. The kids are like yeah, and I was.
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: Like the parent band like they didn't ask because they
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: were on.
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: It was a lot. But as I left and I
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: look at the smile and my child, It's all worth it.
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: Did she ever melt don because you left?
• 49:44
  Speaker 3: Yes?
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: I was like, okay, sorry.
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: Oscar sometimes will be like he does like the welcome
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: to country and stuff like that, but he won't want
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: to say.
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: My niece was in the choir and I was like,
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: god mellan and she was like, I'm done with this.
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: Oh god on Wame. I was the heart girl for
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: the dance.
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: I was like, who, he's been here before? How do
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: you get part of the parent band? And like what
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: is it like? Well, just one last shot at this
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: music thing.
• 50:13
  Speaker 2: They were having a great time. Asked this segment of
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: parental lies. Dirty Dad's addition, get your mind out of
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: the gutter. Talking about laundry. It's brought to you by
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: Omo capsules. When life gives you laundry, keep up with capsules.
• 50:27
  Speaker 4: Tell me loud, tell me.
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: I'll go first.
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: Please.
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: Now, we did reach out to listeners for lies, as
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: we do, and they always provide. So this one is
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: from Rachel. My parents told me and had their hairdresser
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: confirm the life for them, that if I cut my
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: long hair into a bob, I'd have a sore neck
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: and a headache until it grew back. Why, I was
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: like eight at the time, and I was well into
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: my mid twenties before I discovered this was bullshit and
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: finally got my long bob.
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: If you were clever as a child, you know that
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: removing the hair would actually be better for your neck.
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: More hair, more weight, more pain. Yeah, bob is actually
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: Bob's a good thing.
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: Why were they so against the bob?
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: I think, well, it's because I think kids are so
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: into their hair, and obviously hair grows very slowly. Actual
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: I'm a medical expert here, So once you cut a bob, like,
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: there's no turning back, like that is it?
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, it comes back, it just takes longer.
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: Right, But yeah, but kids a little impatient buggers.
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true.
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: And so you know you're gonna be dealing with her
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: like it's when Lola asked for a bob, we have
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: to do like a four phase of like not the
• 51:41
  Speaker 2: first time, the second time, or the third time, but
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: the fourth time that she asked, We're like, Okay, she
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: definitely wants the bob.
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, right, full commitment from Lola.
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: You need, Yeah, you want to make sure that they
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: know what they get. Themselves into Okay.
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: I love it when a parent gets like a third
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: party in on the wye. Oh yeah, what do you got?
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: This one is from Samantha. She says, when I used
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: to sleep at my grandparents' house, they were very firm
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: that I had to be in bed by eight o'clock.
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: That's actually that's generous. But on the age, yeah, I
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: was eighteen at the time. My Nana would instill so
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: much fear into me to go to sleep with this
• 52:14
  Speaker 2: dreadful nursery rhyme that I still fear today. It goes
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: we Willy Winky running through the town, upstairs and downstairs
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: in his nightgown, peeping through the windows, crying through the locks.
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: Are all the children in their bed? It's past eight o'clock.
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: Creepy, ryme, that is creepy. It's who came up with that.
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: It would get close to bedtime and she would say
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: to me quickly, we Willie Winky is coming to check
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: your own bed. I can hear him outside the window.
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: I would hide under the covers, and although shit scared,
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: it would in fact work and get me to be
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: quiet in bed and eventually sleep, okay, Nana.
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: So Nana would lie about this guy pedophile coming. Yeah, literally,
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: there's a predator. I come in, go to bed.
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: He'll get you.
• 53:02
  Speaker 2: I can't help you. You're on your own. Thanks Nana
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: for a lifetime of trauma, of open blinds and the
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: clock striking eight.
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: Oh, the poor thing.
• 53:13
  Speaker 2: Just like I don't want to attack the other generations
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: because they were just doing their best as well, like
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: we all are. Yeah, a little bit traumatic, that is.
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: I think we say the lie before thinking about the
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: consequences lies.
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: I mean, I wonder if like the next generation of King,
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: our kids when they grow up and host the podcast,
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: they'll be telling our lies, being like could you make
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: they used to say the park was closed? Oh like
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: those bloody assholes.
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: That holds something wrong with that generation.
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would never.
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: And then they have kids and they're like, I'm a
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: lie to them.
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: It's the cycle, the cycle of life, the circle of life.
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: That song from the line King is actually about life
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: lines the lieing King. Oh my god, all these years. Wow,
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: there we go. I got another one from Tessa. I
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: have a two year old who likes to wander off.
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: We live on acreage with bushland around us. Now, my
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: two year old has decided he wants to wander off
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: a little too far. He doesn't look back, doesn't say goodbye,
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: just off on a solo adventure. He doesn't listen when
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: we tell him not to do that. Surprise surprise in brackets.
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: So I've told him there is a tiger who lives
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: in the bush, that there's a deadly animal. Oh my god,
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: there's a tiger who lives in the bush. That might
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: get him if he wanders off. When I see him
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: take off down the driveway, say oh, oh, tiger's in
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: the bush. I hope it doesn't get you. Be careful.
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: And then he comes running back. I no shit. I
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: feel a little bad, but it keeps him safe and
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: that's okay, right.
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: Quick, Jenny.
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: He's gaining on you. He's got the taste for child.
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: Oh you just made it a time.
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: Oh goodness. I wonder if the little Timmy Levis noticed
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: that there was actually no tiger. Jac Hey.
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: You know they always think there's there's like rumors of
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: a black panther in Penrith in Penrith. Yeah, that's got
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: to come off the back of a parental like parental live,
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: you know, like there's partners.
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: That Yeah, that's that's just marketing for the team.
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: Okay, this one is from Lauren Lovely names well picked Victoria.
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: When I was pregnant with my second and nauseous, sometimes
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: I would stop and get a lemonade on the way
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: to Dacare just settle.
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: The nausea, Like that's mature.
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's very good. Good on you, Lauren, very clever.
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: I didn't want my toddler having soft drink, so I
• 55:46
  Speaker 2: said it was beer and he knows he wasn't allowed
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: dad's beer. It seemed an easy option. That wasn't until
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: one morning at daycare drop off, my son said to
• 55:56
  Speaker 2: his teacher that we had to stop on the way
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: so mum could have a beer, and you can't correct
• 56:02
  Speaker 2: him anyway.
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: I know the backfire on that because then it's like,
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: you're going to get to kindy and they're like, so
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: you had a drink before dropping you off?
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: Do we need to have a meeting?
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: Swear it was a sprite?
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: Should we call in docs? Was that sure?
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: In that sprt Matt? The good news is now with
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: this segment, thanks to Omo, we get to give away
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: an Omo Prize pack.
• 56:21
  Speaker 2: A couple of capsules.
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: A couple of capsules I don't know what's in the
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: price pack. But it sounds pretty good to me.
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: Do you know what? The capsules are amazing? I mean
• 56:28
  Speaker 2: I'm not just saying that because I was on the ad. Shit.
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, phenomenal, that's a brand point. So I'm gonna let
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: who do you think wins?
• 56:37
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: God, I like I like the tiger and I like
• 56:41
  Speaker 2: the beer. But you like the Tiger. I feel like
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: you really want the tiger.
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: I like the tiger because it strikes fear in a
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: child's eyes, and I'm all about that.
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: It's yeah, it's it's discipline with complete disregard for emotional trauma,
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: the perfect combination.
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: Who was that, Tessa Testa spelt Tea, Tessa the Tiger? Congratulations,
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: well done, enjoy your omar. You are officially the Lying King.
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: There we go out. Thanks again to Omo Capsules for
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: sponsoring this segment of Parenting Lies the Dirty Dad's Edition,
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: and we'll be back, of course with this Dirty Dad's
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: Edition next week. Find it in stores at leading retailers
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: and use as directed, always keep out of sight and
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: reach of children.
• 57:22
  Speaker 2: Have I mentioned the capitals are really good? They're phenomenal,
• 57:26
  Speaker 2: really good, And if you have a great parenting like
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: please send it to us because you could win a
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: prize back of Omo capsules and you hurt. They're amazing,
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: they are phenomenal.
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: Man. I think we should get out of here. We've
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: spent enough time dribbling on.
• 57:38
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Yeah we have. We have dribbled on and
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry or you're welcome. I'm not sure which one.
• 57:43
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: Vic keeps tell us you've gone miles over, but we
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: do that not for us, it's for the dotus.
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: We were blood, sweat and tears.
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: We're not trying to avoid our families.
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: If we didn't have children, we would be here twenty
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: four hours a day, seven days a week.
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: If we didn't have children, this podcast would make no sense.
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: Well said, thank you, but I hope you enjoyed it.
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: Lea review, follow us on social media.
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: Two Doting Dad's Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube, and we'll see
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: you next time.
• 58:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, goodbye bye, take up, Yeah yeah you.
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: Go one two three by.
• 58:25
  Speaker 2: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
• 58:29
  Speaker 2: throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Island,
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: the people's Today. This episode was recorded on Gadagle Land.