Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #670 I'll Do Better This Year

Transcript

#670 I'll Do Better This Year · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: Time poor parent who just once answers now, Happy New Year,
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: Happy new Kylie. Kylie is literally sitting there doing that
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: face where she's rolling her eyes and I don't know
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  Speaker 2: how to do it, but Kylie, how do you describe
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: this that kind of face, the like you're pulling a
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: face at me. I'm excited it's a new year, twenty
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: twenty three, it's the first podcast of twenty twenty three,
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: and you're looking at me like I'm.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: A happy new Year.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's right. You were up late on Saturday
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: night for New Year's z weren't you anything after nine pm?
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  Speaker 2: And you turn into a pumpkin for a few days.
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  Speaker 2: Maybe that was a big year last year. But fresh start, Kylie,
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  Speaker 2: Fresh start, so exciting, I know. So thanks for joining us. Well,
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: I don't know how many people are going to be
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: listening to our first podcast of the year, but if
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: we've dropped into your feed and you've taken the time
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: to listen, We're going to keep this one short, just
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: a few minutes. But we wanted to kick off the
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: year by talking about how to be the best parent
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  Speaker 2: we can be. For a new year. So every Friday
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: on the Happy Families podcast under normal programming, not the
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: Happy Family Summer series, but normal programming, you and I
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: talk about how we will do better tomorrow. We've got
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: this concept, I'll do better tomorrow. Parenting is about being intentional.
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  Speaker 2: I thought today, as we kick off twenty twenty three,
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  Speaker 2: we should start by talking about how I'll do better
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  Speaker 2: this year. I'll do See what I've done with that?
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: Do you like that? You're still asleep from yesterday in
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: the day before, aren't you?
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  Speaker 1: No? Wait if you ask me what my top tip is,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: how to be a better parent?
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  Speaker 2: So sorry, So we thought we'd share a few ideas
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  Speaker 2: with you about how you can be a better parent
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  Speaker 2: in twenty twenty three. I've got three, you've got three.
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  Speaker 2: We haven't conferred. We don't know what they are. You
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  Speaker 2: go first, hit me with your three. I'm going to
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  Speaker 2: go second with my three.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: Well, my best parenting started in December, actually because I
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: brought the dogs. What's happy?
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  Speaker 2: Bought the dogs puppy, Dogs are puppy. Don't believe you
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  Speaker 2: said that you are tired. You are struggling today, struggling.
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  Speaker 1: I brought the kids.
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  Speaker 2: Are puppy Okay, so parent of the Year, well done.
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  Speaker 2: Do you know why I'll do better this year by
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: buying the dogs a dog, both by buying the kids
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: a dog. Oh please, if you're listening to this podcast
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: and you've just heard us refer to the well getting
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: that mixed up, I'm not gonna we weren't. It was
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: It was just a it was a slip of the tongue.
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  Speaker 2: It's been a big I thought I was ready for
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  Speaker 2: this year, but clearly we are out of practice.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking back to the podcast we recorded all about
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: why you shouldn't get a dog earlier last year, and
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  Speaker 1: I and obviously.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: You, regret that podcast. We need to raise it.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Regret it because everything I said in their stands true. However,
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: with time and obviously healing after losing our beautiful puppy, Benson,
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: what has been so delightful over the holidays is just
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: watching our kids learn to love another animal and to
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: have her as part of our family. It's honestly watching
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  Speaker 1: her bounce round outside so she's got more energy than
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  Speaker 1: the kids.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: It's meltingly. Oh my goodness, this floppy eared king Charles
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  Speaker 2: Cavalier with the big just oh my goodness. I cannot
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  Speaker 2: tell you what it just it's almost enough to make
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: me clucky, except it's a dogs.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: Well, well it does make you clucky because I've watched
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: you as we did the Christmas shopping earlier on, and
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: you would literally stop at the counter and tell everybody
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: that you'd brought a puppy and then show them pictures.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Stop it. I can't believe you're telling people these secrets. Gosh,
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  Speaker 2: can I just.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Look at you and go, who is that? You're a
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: bit mushy for us.
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  Speaker 2: It's the cutest dog.
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  Speaker 1: Anyway, we have got some serious tims.
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  Speaker 2: So that's not how to be better this year as
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  Speaker 2: a parent. But buying a dog is not at the
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  Speaker 2: top of the list after all, No, it's not. It's
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  Speaker 2: a wonderful luxury.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, these are obviously tips for me, sure things that
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: I need to do better.
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  Speaker 2: In all right, all right, So let's preface this by
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  Speaker 2: saying we're not prescribing to you what you need to
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  Speaker 2: do to be a better parent. Kylie's decided, Well I'm
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  Speaker 2: not anyway, Kylie. Kylie is going to tell you what
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  Speaker 2: she's going to do better this year.
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  Speaker 1: So my number one is to laugh more.
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  Speaker 2: Oh yes, Hallelujah.
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  Speaker 1: Please Oka anyone who's listening to the podcast, I laugh
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  Speaker 1: all the time. What are you talking about your life
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  Speaker 1: so seriously? Because a mom it can be easy to
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: take life seriously because there's so many things to think
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  Speaker 1: about and worry about, sure, of course, but at the
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  Speaker 1: top of my list is practicing laughter.
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  Speaker 2: So a quick insert on that. I do a workshop
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  Speaker 2: when I travel to schools and organizations and wherever else
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  Speaker 2: whoever hires me to give a talk. And one of
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  Speaker 2: my talks I asked the question when has your family
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: been the happiest or when is your family the happiest?
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: And only once or twice in all the years that
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: I've been doing this, has anybody ever said when we're laughing?
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  Speaker 2: But it's one of my big three. Laughter is one
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  Speaker 2: of the essential ingredients for a happy family, and we
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  Speaker 2: overlook it. We get so caught up in all the stuff.
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  Speaker 2: Laugh more, like, just laugh more. I love that. What's
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  Speaker 2: your second idea for you to be better this year?
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  Speaker 1: Find ways to say yes more?
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  Speaker 2: All this is for you, isn't it.
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  Speaker 1: It can be so again, It's so easy when the
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  Speaker 1: kids come to you to just want to say.
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  Speaker 2: No to everything because Noah is convenient. No means you
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  Speaker 2: don't have to get out of your way or anyone
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  Speaker 2: else's way.
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  Speaker 1: But finding ways that you can say yes.
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  Speaker 2: You're not talking about having a yes day like, it's
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  Speaker 2: not a gimmicky thing. It's actually and it's.
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  Speaker 1: Not about suggesting that everything that kids come to you've
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  Speaker 1: got to say yes to. Yeah, it's about finding ways
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  Speaker 1: that you can say yes more to your children than
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  Speaker 1: constantly saying, Mum, can I have your phone?
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  Speaker 2: Can I play Pokemon? Can I can I screen time
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  Speaker 2: my best friend? Like? How do you say yes to
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  Speaker 2: that stuff? Though? And that's tricky. You're not going to
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: answer it. You've got to figure that out. So you've
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  Speaker 2: got a resolution to be better, but you're not sure how.
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  Speaker 2: So here's how I say yes.
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  Speaker 1: No. Well, if my kids ask me for something that
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  Speaker 1: I'm not prepared to say yes to, then the opportunity
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  Speaker 1: I have is to find things that I can say
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  Speaker 1: yes to that they would say yes to as well
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  Speaker 1: giving them alternatives.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, so we've got to laugh more. We've got to
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  Speaker 2: say yes more to be better parents this year? What's
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  Speaker 2: your third one?
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  Speaker 1: It just don't add to our kids suffering. Again, it's
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  Speaker 1: so easy it's so easy when our kids are driving
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  Speaker 1: us insane for us to add to their suffering because
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  Speaker 1: they're annoying us. Basically, they're hindering our peace full moments.
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  Speaker 1: And if we can remember that when they are at
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  Speaker 1: their worst, it's actually because they've got unmet needs, then
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  Speaker 1: our job is not to actually add to those unmat needs,
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  Speaker 1: it's to find ways to meet those needs. I love that.
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  Speaker 2: So I'm going to go about my answer in a
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  Speaker 2: couple of different ways for how we can be better
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  Speaker 2: this year. It's one thing that if we're going to
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  Speaker 2: set a goal, we really need to set up a
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  Speaker 2: system underneath it, a way of achieving that goal. So
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  Speaker 2: if I want to have a happier family, I need
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  Speaker 2: to actually deconstruct or reverse engineer what a happy family does. Oh,
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  Speaker 2: they spend time together? Well, how can I make sure
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  Speaker 2: I spend more time with my family? So I need
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  Speaker 2: to make sure that there are two or three windows
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  Speaker 2: minimum every single day or every single week, or whatever
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  Speaker 2: works for me where I'm spending time with my family.
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  Speaker 2: It might be Friday nights pizza and movies. It might
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  Speaker 2: be Sunday mornings down at the cafe. So I'm going
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  Speaker 2: to have a sleep in, or it could be Monday
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  Speaker 2: nights where we go tech free and we just have
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  Speaker 2: family time, whatever it is. And so I think that
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  Speaker 2: if you want to set goals so that you can
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  Speaker 2: be a better parent this year, you need to work
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  Speaker 2: out the specific actions that you're going to take. And
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  Speaker 2: while we always need to acknowledge flexibility is necessary, create
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  Speaker 2: the system around it. There's got to be a system
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  Speaker 2: that underpins that. We're going to talk more about that
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  Speaker 2: on the podcast in a couple of days time. For now, though,
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  Speaker 2: I think that if we want to be better parents
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  Speaker 2: this year, we can do well if we focus on
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  Speaker 2: three things that are not the same as what Kylie said,
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  Speaker 2: although there's a little bit of overlap, and I've written
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  Speaker 2: about them in my fourthcoming book, The Parenting Revolution, which
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: comes out in a couple of months time. I cannot
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  Speaker 2: wait to tell you about it. But for now, three
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  Speaker 2: things that we talk about on the podcast a whole
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  Speaker 2: lot meeting our children's psychological needs by creating environment that
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: is supportive of their sense of involvement with us, their
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  Speaker 2: sense of being able to do things, it being able
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  Speaker 2: to do hard things, things that they might normally struggle
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  Speaker 2: with having us provide the scaffolding saying I believe in you,
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  Speaker 2: you can do this. I'm here for you, and giving
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  Speaker 2: them autonomy, letting them choose. If we can do those
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  Speaker 2: three things, we are going to become better parents and
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  Speaker 2: make our family happier. And that is a whole lot
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  Speaker 2: of content jammed into about sixty seconds because our time
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  Speaker 2: is up. Kylie, have you got anything that you want
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  Speaker 2: to add to my ideas or anything that you've said
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: it's supposed to be sure? I know, Okay, so let's
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  Speaker 2: wrap this up. Oh there is one more thing if
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: you want to be a great parent this year by
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: a puppy. Apparently that's it. The Happy Famili's podcast is
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: produced by Justin Roland fro Bridge Media, with Craig Bruce
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  Speaker 2: our executive producer. Tomorrow we're back with more of The
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: Happy Family's summer series. If you want more info, though,
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: check out the show notes or visit Happy families dot
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: com dot a