Latest / The World of Phil Hendrie / Episode #3563 The New Phil Hendrie Show

Transcript

Episode #3563 The New Phil Hendrie Show · The World of Phil Hendrie

0:00
Speaker 1: Hello, my name is Melton Melvin Doute. Your name's Major Elviston.
0:04
Speaker 1: I know what my name is. I was going to
0:05
Speaker 1: say my name was Melvin Duton. Is that a real guy?
0:08
Speaker 1: Melvin Dwton was a friend. Yes, Why don't I believe
0:12
Speaker 1: you because you're a cynical man. Mister Henry. Hello, my
0:15
Speaker 1: name is Major Elvis Newton, and i'd like to inform
0:18
Speaker 1: you that I will be doing a show this evening
0:20
Speaker 1: on the Phil Henry platform. Major Elvis Newton's truth. You're
0:24
Speaker 1: going to see me and what motivates me and one
0:27
Speaker 1: of the greatest law enforcement units in history, the Citizen's
0:31
Speaker 1: Auxiliary Police. How do we get it done? A lot
0:35
Speaker 1: of people would like to know, But we do get
0:36
Speaker 1: it done. We get it done, We get it said.
0:39
Speaker 1: We go home, sit down, take a dump. That's right, Major, No, No,
0:43
Speaker 1: I want to say this. We get home after a
0:46
Speaker 1: long day, sit down and relieve yourself. Yes, but I
0:52
Speaker 1: didn't want to say any of that. What I really
0:53
Speaker 1: want to tell you is that a backstage passed to
0:56
Speaker 1: the Phil Hendry show is what they want me to
0:57
Speaker 1: tell you about. So I'll go ahead, please get one.
1:00
Speaker 1: It's less than ten dollars a month, less than seven
1:02
Speaker 1: dollars for the month, and you get thousands of hours
1:05
Speaker 1: of mister Henry's archives as well as his new digital
1:07
Speaker 1: casts and all of the course great webcasts video casts.
1:11
Speaker 1: Right now, the video cast that I'm sitting here, I'm
1:14
Speaker 1: in front of the Banana River. I never thought i'd
1:17
Speaker 1: be there. I never thought i'd be there, but there
1:19
Speaker 1: I am. So you can see all of these great
1:22
Speaker 1: video casts. You can also listen to the great podcasts
1:24
Speaker 1: of Bobby Dooley and Elcott The Next Step Do I
1:27
Speaker 1: think they're really great in real life. I've never even
1:29
Speaker 1: heard of these people, but I want you to get
1:32
Speaker 1: these backstage passes, whatever they are, so that mister Henry
1:35
Speaker 1: can climb off my back and I can present the
1:38
Speaker 1: Major Elvis Newton Truth, Major Elvis Newton, the Major Elvis
1:43
Speaker 1: Newton Truth at Phil Henryshow dot Com, the greatest value
1:47
Speaker 1: online other than porn. Hello, I'm Major Elvis Newton. I
1:51
Speaker 1: want you all to know something. While I protect the
1:54
Speaker 1: lives of people, I can also go out and have
1:56
Speaker 1: some fun. This is my story and this song exactly
2:01
Speaker 1: who I am. Along with Balloonya, we get it on
2:04
Speaker 1: most every night when that the moon gets big and bright. Yeah,
2:10
Speaker 1: it's a supernatural delight. Everybody was dancing in the moonlight.
2:18
Speaker 1: Dan scene in the moonlight. Everybody's singing it big and bright.
2:24
Speaker 1: Everybody here is out of sight. They don't bark and
2:29
Speaker 1: they don't bite. They keep What are you looking at now?
2:32
Speaker 1: Look at you? These are these are the real lyrics. Yes,
2:35
Speaker 1: could we stop this and do it again? Bud Man,
2:39
Speaker 1: he's looking right at me, mister Henry. Yeh, don't do that, Bud. Sorry,
2:44
Speaker 1: I started the song. I'd like to do it in
2:46
Speaker 1: a clean, wonderful way, enjoying it. This is my personal
2:50
Speaker 1: philosophy because everyone thinks that I walk around all day
2:54
Speaker 1: long with a pole jammed up there, let's just be
2:56
Speaker 1: honest about it. Yeah, do I know? Just shut up? Hey?
3:02
Speaker 1: You know the other to a plod? Yes, yeah, that's yeah,
3:06
Speaker 1: that's what I want to hear. Everyone thinks I walk
3:09
Speaker 1: around all day all day all lay slow down and
3:13
Speaker 1: here's some water. Thank you, missus Gray right, Yes, it
3:16
Speaker 1: is very pleased to meet you. People think I walk
3:20
Speaker 1: around all day long with a pole wedged. I can
3:24
Speaker 1: assure you I do not. Now meet your Elbus Newton
3:29
Speaker 1: dancing the moonlight. Thank you. This is me, This is
3:34
Speaker 1: my song. This is who I am and what I'm about.
3:38
Speaker 1: This is what I'm all about. We get it on
3:42
Speaker 1: most every night when that moon gets big and bright. Here,
3:47
Speaker 1: it's a super natural delight. Everybody was dancing in the moonlight. Hey,
3:56
Speaker 1: dancing in the moonlight. Yeah, all right, yeah, thank you.
4:01
Speaker 1: Everybody here is out of sight. They don't bark, and
4:06
Speaker 1: they don't fight. They keep things loose and they keep
4:10
Speaker 1: things alive. That's me. Everybody was dancing in the moonlight.
4:14
Speaker 1: You think I got a pole wedge, don't you well guess?
4:16
Speaker 1: But dancing in the moonlight. Yeah, everybody's feeling warm and right.
4:22
Speaker 1: I'm out of sight. It's such a fine and natural sight.
4:25
Speaker 1: I'm out of sight. Everybody's dancing, and I'm out of sight.
4:29
Speaker 1: I'm up in the moonlight. We like our fun. We
4:31
Speaker 1: never fight. You can't dance and stay up tight. It's
4:37
Speaker 1: a supernatural delight. Everybody was dancing in the moonlight. That's right,
4:45
Speaker 1: dancing in the moonlight. You can't have a pole wedge
4:48
Speaker 1: when you're feeling warm and right. I pull the pole
4:52
Speaker 1: out of my ass. And a natural sight. Everybody's dancing
4:56
Speaker 1: in the moonlight. Meet your Elvis knot in the moon light. Yeah,
5:03
Speaker 1: he's rubbisting. Ladies, gentlemen, you think I've got a pole wedged, friend,
5:11
Speaker 1: don't bet on it. Everybody here is out of sight.
5:15
Speaker 1: They don't bark and they don't bite. They keep things loose.
5:20
Speaker 1: Is just what I'm supposed to get, okay, alive. Everybody
5:24
Speaker 1: was dance and I guess they were in the moonlight
5:26
Speaker 1: till the gunfire reupted. I'm only kidding. That's terrible. Everybody's
5:31
Speaker 1: feeling warm and right. There's no pole wedged way up
5:35
Speaker 1: there and out of sight. Everybody's tense. And in the
5:39
Speaker 1: moon light. When you have a pole wedged up there,
5:42
Speaker 1: it's out of sight. No one can see it because
5:45
Speaker 1: it's jammed so far up there. It's such a fine
5:48
Speaker 1: and natural sight. Not everybody is danse and in the moonlight.
5:55
Speaker 1: Everybody is dancing in the moonlight. Yeah, yeah, thank you
6:00
Speaker 1: very much, ladies and gentlemen. And that's me, that's me.
6:02
Speaker 1: I'm Major Elvis Newton. Welcome to the Major Elvis Newton truth.
6:06
Speaker 1: You know, people think that those of us in law enforcement,
6:10
Speaker 1: we walk around all day long with something wedged up there.
6:14
Speaker 1: We walk around all day long, just stiff legged and
6:17
Speaker 1: going ow. You know that's what I get. I get
6:20
Speaker 1: a lot of cracks like that. Guys driving by, you
6:23
Speaker 1: wouldn't believe it. People are driving buying cars. People drive
6:26
Speaker 1: buying cars. They go, hey, Newton, what do you got
6:29
Speaker 1: wedged up there today? Haha? Honk honk, and then before
6:31
Speaker 1: I can reach out and grab them and strangle them. Anyway,
6:37
Speaker 1: I'm very happy to have with me the Phil Henry
6:40
Speaker 1: crue Here, Ms Gray, Bud Dickman, and also General Shaw.
6:44
Speaker 1: Certain you you certainly have my respect sir, and you
6:46
Speaker 1: have mine, sir. We were wondering though, when you said
6:49
Speaker 1: everybody thinks you're walking around with a pole wedged. Yes,
6:52
Speaker 1: That's why I started it out with dancing in the moonlight.
6:55
Speaker 1: I wanted people to know that I can, that I
6:57
Speaker 1: get down and i've and I have fun. Do you dance?
7:02
Speaker 1: I dance? I don't. I just I shuffle one foot
7:04
Speaker 1: in front of the other. It's it's pretty sad, but
7:08
Speaker 1: you know.
7:08
Speaker 2: We want to hear it down the song if you
7:10
Speaker 2: don't mind major.
7:11
Speaker 1: All right, this is one that I want to sing
7:12
Speaker 1: for my wife, Balloonya. She's been everything to me. This
7:16
Speaker 1: one is for you, Balloonya. Honey, right now, she's still
7:18
Speaker 1: in bed, and she gets out of bed when she
7:21
Speaker 1: damn well feels like it. It's we're recording this now
7:24
Speaker 1: at one o'clock in the afternoon. Use that a slam on, Balloonna, No,
7:27
Speaker 1: that is not a slam on. How dear you say
7:30
Speaker 1: that I would slam Balloonya. Oh my god, he's talking
7:34
Speaker 1: about sex. But knock it off. She said he wouldn't slammer.
7:38
Speaker 1: I mean I wouldn't slammer in a negative way. You're crawling. Ah. Shoot,
7:43
Speaker 1: this is for you, Balloonya. Forget what that kid, Forget
7:46
Speaker 1: what that thing said. For my wife, Balloonya, who's in
7:49
Speaker 1: bed right now. Will she'll get up about two thirty. Oh,
7:52
Speaker 1: it's so nice to be with you. I love all
7:57
Speaker 1: the stuff you say into Balloonya. It's so nice to
8:01
Speaker 1: hear you say you'll think about pleasing me in every way. Honey,
8:08
Speaker 1: I got the notion you're causing commotion in my slack,
8:12
Speaker 1: I mean in my soul. Sorry, maybe you and me Coolunya. Yeah,
8:19
Speaker 1: have got something that's real. I know it's gonna last
8:23
Speaker 1: a lifetime. And you better believe it. Girl at night,
8:29
Speaker 1: I call your name locked in the bathroom. I'm only kidding.
8:35
Speaker 1: I'm only dreaming about the time when I'll finally be
8:39
Speaker 1: able to take my pants. Oh, it's so nice to
8:44
Speaker 1: be you're looking at the time you'll be able to
8:46
Speaker 1: take your pandom. Don't question me. Put it on pause.
8:50
Speaker 1: I demand that you put it on pause right now. Yes, sir,
8:55
Speaker 1: don't ever question me talking about you'll finally get your
8:58
Speaker 1: pants off. Yeah, that's right. If you're not careful, I'll
9:01
Speaker 1: remove my pants right here. No, don't do that. Don't
9:04
Speaker 1: do that now. Start to grow up a little bit. Major.
9:06
Speaker 1: Are you speaking to me, Major Elvis.
9:09
Speaker 2: Yes I am. And stop it with your Mussolini act.
9:12
Speaker 2: We want to hear you sing. We want to know
9:13
Speaker 2: about your life with the Citizen's Auxilary Police, and I
9:16
Speaker 2: particularly want to know about Balloonya. I don't need to
9:18
Speaker 2: hear you talk about how you dream of the day
9:20
Speaker 2: when you'll be able to get your pants off.
9:24
Speaker 1: Oh, she's laughing. I want the record to show Margaret
9:27
Speaker 1: Gray is laughing at me. Major Elvis dooted be with you?
9:33
Speaker 1: Where was I? Oh, I'll love all the things you
9:36
Speaker 1: say into And it's so nice to hear you say
9:41
Speaker 1: you're gonna please me in every way. Although I haven't
9:44
Speaker 1: heard that yet, Honey, I it smit's fine, I'll do it.
9:47
Speaker 1: What do you want now? I don't understand what that means.
9:51
Speaker 1: Let me sing the song my way before I throw
9:53
Speaker 1: this place into the street. Sorry, let him do what
9:56
Speaker 1: he wants to do. All right? Here we go one
9:59
Speaker 1: two three? God, Yeah, maybe you and me we got
10:07
Speaker 1: something that's real. I know it's gonna last a lifetime. Ah,
10:15
Speaker 1: you better believe it. Girl, At night I call your
10:20
Speaker 1: name sleeping in my car. But someday I'll be allowed
10:25
Speaker 1: in the house about the time I reta high here. Yeah. Oh,
10:31
Speaker 1: it's so nice to me with you. I love all
10:36
Speaker 1: the stuff what you do, and it's so nice to
10:40
Speaker 1: hear you say, come on up the stairs. Major. Oh,
10:44
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, the door's locked. Honey, I got the notion
10:49
Speaker 1: you're causing commotion. Hand me the lotion. Yeah, thank you?
10:58
Speaker 1: What do you laugh at? Sorry, nothing at all? All right,
11:02
Speaker 1: Bud Dickman on the steel guitar. Yeah, we we we
11:09
Speaker 1: do do doom doo. All right enough. When I'm feeling down,
11:17
Speaker 1: you're you're you're You're there to pick me up and
11:21
Speaker 1: help to carry on. All the little things mean a
11:27
Speaker 1: lot to me, especially when I have to just be
11:30
Speaker 1: content with all the crumbs you throw me. You spend
11:35
Speaker 1: hours talking on the phone to your dad and the
11:39
Speaker 1: money he's making. Oh, it's so nice to be with you.
11:45
Speaker 1: I love all the things. I'm bored with this. That
11:48
Speaker 1: one's for you. Balloonya didn't fish. She hasn't even gotten
11:53
Speaker 1: up yet. That one's from my wife, Balloonya, don't do man.
11:58
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear about any man talking down
12:01
Speaker 1: about Balloonya. This is the major Elvis Newton truth on
12:05
Speaker 1: the world Famous Phil Henry Show, brought to you by
12:08
Speaker 1: the world Famous Phil Henry Show backstage pass subscription to
12:12
Speaker 1: his wonderful website. At least that's what I hear. I
12:14
Speaker 1: don't listen to this stuff, and there's nothing personally against
12:17
Speaker 1: mister Henry, but I want to listen to this garbage.
12:20
Speaker 1: I've got things to do. I've got lives to save, Okay,
12:24
Speaker 1: me and Jay Sentos and the Citizen's auxiliary Police. So
12:28
Speaker 1: get a backstage pass to the world Famous Phil Henry
12:30
Speaker 1: Show at Phil Hendryshow dot Com the greatest value online
12:34
Speaker 1: other than porn.
12:35
Speaker 2: This is the major Elvis Newton truth. I'm Margaret Gray
12:39
Speaker 2: with major Elvis Newton. What would you say, Major Newton?
12:42
Speaker 2: Is the most important part of being a citizen's auxiliary policeman.
12:46
Speaker 2: This the citizen's auxilary police, the police unit that you
12:49
Speaker 2: founded some twenty plus years ago.
12:52
Speaker 1: The most important thing about being a citizen's auxiliary police
12:55
Speaker 1: officer is to stand there with your feats just about
13:00
Speaker 1: shoulder length apart, your arms folded across your chest. You'll
13:04
Speaker 1: be wearing shorts and they'll see your legs. So some
13:08
Speaker 1: guys just can't handle that look. I want you in
13:11
Speaker 1: a pith helmet, in shorts, a little bit of your
13:14
Speaker 1: underwear showing. Okay, you're wearing hard wing tip shoes, You've
13:18
Speaker 1: got on knee high dress socks. As I say, you're
13:22
Speaker 1: in shorts, and even looking like that, I want you
13:25
Speaker 1: to put the fear of God into people. Here's a
13:30
Speaker 1: song that reminds me of Balloonion our Sunday mornings together.
13:32
Speaker 1: I'm meet your elders Newton Sunday morning up with the lark. Yeah,
13:40
Speaker 1: I think I'll take a walk in the park. Hey, hey, hey,
13:46
Speaker 1: it's a beautiful day. I got Balloonya waiting for me.
13:55
Speaker 1: When I see her, I know what she'll say, Hey,
14:01
Speaker 1: you make the big It's okay. I look forward to it. Hi, Hi, Hi,
14:11
Speaker 1: beautiful sun day. This is my my, my beautiful day.
14:23
Speaker 1: When you say say say say that you love me,
14:31
Speaker 1: and I keep singing like this, I sound like a
14:35
Speaker 1: red talk a general, I mean major. I'm a major
14:40
Speaker 1: killing killing. I want that music kill right now. I'm major,
14:43
Speaker 1: Elvis Dowton. I'm sorry I called you general. That's a
14:47
Speaker 1: higher rank not where I come from. Major is the
14:49
Speaker 1: preeminent brank in the citizens auxiliary. Please fuck every time
14:54
Speaker 1: I come on your rotten show, mister Henry, I squeak
14:57
Speaker 1: it out like I'm three. Like I'm three. Let's take
15:03
Speaker 1: a car, drive it into a lake and hope though
15:07
Speaker 1: windows jaham on us. Oh my god, that's right. That's
15:12
Speaker 1: how I feel when I drive and I follow the
15:16
Speaker 1: sun making Sunday go on the run like I've got
15:23
Speaker 1: the runs on a beautiful Yeah, Major, I ast high high, Hi,
15:32
Speaker 1: beautiful sun. Oh, I'm bored, sears.
15:35
Speaker 2: It's a beautiful song of major.
15:37
Speaker 1: I said, I hate it. Was that one of Boloona's favorites.
15:40
Speaker 1: Boloona loved them all. She loved to hear me sing,
15:43
Speaker 1: even if she sat there sucking grapes. Yeah, yeah, what
15:51
Speaker 1: do you mean? Yeah? What's so funny? Even if she
15:55
Speaker 1: sat there sucking grapes, yeah, and tossing the key up
15:59
Speaker 1: and down in her hand, trying to decide whether she
16:01
Speaker 1: was going to throw it out the window and let
16:02
Speaker 1: me come in. Was this before you were married? This
16:05
Speaker 1: was several weeks after we were married. She did break
16:08
Speaker 1: down eventually and let me in the house for short stretches.
16:13
Speaker 1: Are you kidding? No, I'm not. But you know what,
16:15
Speaker 1: no more beautiful a woman ever existed than Balloonya Newton. Yeah, yeah,
16:21
Speaker 1: why don't I believe you? That sounds very insincere. Shut up.
16:25
Speaker 1: He just told me to shut up. General Major, I
16:28
Speaker 1: mean Major, let's just chill. You got another song for us? Yeah?
16:32
Speaker 1: I got another song? Cad you people. I came on
16:34
Speaker 1: here to tell you about my life, to tell you
16:36
Speaker 1: about Major Elvis Newton, And all you want me to
16:39
Speaker 1: do is sing like I'm a trained ape, sing like
16:42
Speaker 1: I'm one of those pandas that rolls around in the
16:44
Speaker 1: circus just a boidable. No, we do want to hear
16:48
Speaker 1: your philosophy of life and your philosophy of law enforcement.
16:51
Speaker 1: But you do have this wonderful history with song kind
16:54
Speaker 1: of spells out your life. Yes it does. All of
16:57
Speaker 1: these songs were my favorite songs. Some people say it
17:00
Speaker 1: was the bubblegup music of the day. I resent that violently.
17:04
Speaker 1: My taste in music was sophisticated. Here's another song. When
17:09
Speaker 1: Balloonya and I were going out, I made the very
17:11
Speaker 1: very profound mistake of smoking marijuana and drinking some chilled
17:17
Speaker 1: ripple wine. And I also took a tablet of something
17:21
Speaker 1: that was described to me later on as some kind
17:24
Speaker 1: of a mescaline derivative, a mescal or the peyote cactus. Right. Yes, well,
17:31
Speaker 1: I made the big mistake of taking that. And one
17:34
Speaker 1: night I sang this to Balloonna and it was rather disrespectful.
17:41
Speaker 1: Oh this a gat song? Oh yeah you think so? Huh.
17:45
Speaker 1: I sang to her like I was gonna crawl all over,
17:49
Speaker 1: like I was some slithering serpent, and she was. She vomited, ran,
17:55
Speaker 1: she ran for cover. A slow RYE take it easy,
18:07
Speaker 1: climb on this. I'll make it easy. You didn't sing
18:13
Speaker 1: this to her, Yes I did. I'm sorry. Slow ride,
18:19
Speaker 1: take it greasy, grease it up. It'll be easy. I'm
18:30
Speaker 1: major Elvis Newton. I'm in the mood. The rhythm is right.
18:36
Speaker 1: Move to the music. Let's roll all knife, grease it
18:41
Speaker 1: on up, slither on down, lid on the jar, let's
18:47
Speaker 1: get down. Oh yeah, slow, I little, what's that? Hold on?
18:53
Speaker 1: Kill the music? Adding what did you say? What does
18:56
Speaker 1: that mean? Lid on the jar? They got the jar? Okay?
18:58
Speaker 1: What God, damn it? Okay, I get it. Yeah, go ahead, God,
19:02
Speaker 1: now that mister Henry's destroyed the song. Take it easy,
19:20
Speaker 1: slow rye. Oh my god, you got it greasy. This
19:28
Speaker 1: will not come out of my pants. This will stain
19:32
Speaker 1: but in the refrigerator. Or said it on fire? This
19:37
Speaker 1: is I don't know. I can't read these words. I'm
19:39
Speaker 1: making them up right here, a slow riding woman. You're
19:43
Speaker 1: so fine. You're looking directly at me while you say
19:47
Speaker 1: that I got putrect forgive me anyway, kill it please,
19:55
Speaker 1: how dear you. I'm singing one of my favorite songs,
19:58
Speaker 1: mister Henry, I know I get that. The idea. It's
20:01
Speaker 1: greasy and it's easy and you're sliding up and down
20:03
Speaker 1: a pole. Is that it? Well? Yes, but god, you
20:06
Speaker 1: let this spell it out like? That makes me sell
20:08
Speaker 1: like I like to walk around with one wedged, don't I? Hey,
20:12
Speaker 1: hold on, hold on hold, I just knock your wait
20:15
Speaker 1: bit wait wait, take it back? But all right, sorry,
20:17
Speaker 1: that's what it sounds like to me. Anyway. I'm major
20:20
Speaker 1: Elvis Newton and this is the Elvis Newton truth. We've
20:24
Speaker 1: been playing some songs, some favorites of mine since I
20:27
Speaker 1: was a very young man. Now here's a song that
20:30
Speaker 1: Woloonya loved very much until I started to sing it.
20:33
Speaker 1: I'm only kidding. She enjoyed it immensely. I believe this
20:38
Speaker 1: shows the tenderness what I got inside of me. Yeah, easy,
20:43
Speaker 1: but you take it easy. I can show you that
20:46
Speaker 1: I can make a woman. I can make a woman
20:48
Speaker 1: drool over me. Watch this. Yeah. Wait, here's a spark
20:57
Speaker 1: of magic in your eye. Yeah, candy Land appears each
21:06
Speaker 1: time you smile. Then a hint of boner appear. Who
21:13
Speaker 1: wrote that? But sorry, I thought that was the lyrics.
21:16
Speaker 1: Let's put it on pause. Put it on pause. This
21:19
Speaker 1: is a song that means a lot to me. And
21:20
Speaker 1: balloona sorry, Major, I thought the words, oh yeah, sure,
21:26
Speaker 1: then a hint of boner appears. I thought that's what
21:28
Speaker 1: it said, Major Elves Newton, Ladies and gentlemen on the
21:35
Speaker 1: Major Elvis dont In Truth Show. Thank you, mister Henry.
21:39
Speaker 1: This is a song that means a lot to me
21:40
Speaker 1: and my wife. Balloonya. Anybody got a problem with it?
21:43
Speaker 1: You come see me.
21:47
Speaker 2: Well, don't be so challenging, and you're about to sinery
21:49
Speaker 2: mighty song.
21:51
Speaker 1: Yes I am, but there's a lot of there's a
21:53
Speaker 1: whole lot of monkeys out there that want to make
21:55
Speaker 1: me look like King of the Apes. There's a spark
21:59
Speaker 1: of magic in your eye? Can't that's supposed to be
22:05
Speaker 1: two eyes? Hold on, put it on pause for God's sake.
22:08
Speaker 1: Now what it says spark of magic in the eye?
22:10
Speaker 1: Oh sorry, yeah, you're right, I didn't pluralize it. But
22:13
Speaker 1: if you're doing this on purpose, oh I'm not man, God, please,
22:17
Speaker 1: Well why does it say there's a spark of magic
22:19
Speaker 1: in the eye? In your eyes? That's not what it says?
22:23
Speaker 1: All right, I misspelled it, misspelled it? All right, where
22:27
Speaker 1: are we Let's go do it again. It'll be great.
22:35
Speaker 1: There's a spark of magic in your pants. He did
22:39
Speaker 1: that on purp you're doing but put it on? He
22:45
Speaker 1: did that on purpose. Get out of here, Bud. Oh god,
22:48
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I got crossed up with some other stuff
22:50
Speaker 1: I was doing. Yeah, it happens again, mister Henry. I
22:55
Speaker 1: will leave this show forever, but first I'll commit suicide
22:58
Speaker 1: right here on the airwaves. No, you won't, major, Okay,
23:02
Speaker 1: I only said that's for effect. Never thought that fairy
23:10
Speaker 1: tales came true till I looked in the mirror and
23:17
Speaker 1: I looked, wait a minute, putting that on? Put it on?
23:21
Speaker 1: Who did that? Those were the words? We thought, What
23:23
Speaker 1: do you mean? Those are the words? Those are not
23:25
Speaker 1: the words to bet you by? Golly wow. Well this
23:28
Speaker 1: is the lyric here. It says, as I looked in
23:30
Speaker 1: the mirror, never thought that fairy tales came to till
23:33
Speaker 1: I looked in the mirror. Well, what is that supposed
23:35
Speaker 1: to mean? I'm a fairy tale? It can mean that
23:37
Speaker 1: you're a fairy tale? Yeah, and that's good. Well, it
23:40
Speaker 1: could mean that, you know, never thought fairy tales came
23:43
Speaker 1: true till I looked in the mirror and I saw
23:44
Speaker 1: that I was a fairy tale for you what That's
23:49
Speaker 1: what I was trying to say, and you yelled at
23:51
Speaker 1: me everything. I don't understand this, you know, I don't
23:54
Speaker 1: understand this monkey shit at all. Watch the language, sir,
23:57
Speaker 1: Please go ahead, play the music. You're a gene this
24:02
Speaker 1: is the part balloona loved You're a genie in disguise,
24:06
Speaker 1: full of wonder and surprise, and bet you by golly
24:13
Speaker 1: Wow by Jim Hay. There, y'all got it. Wait a minute,
24:18
Speaker 1: that's not any Why are you right? These are the
24:20
Speaker 1: wrong lyrics. No, sir, those are the lyrics. You're just
24:22
Speaker 1: singing it the wrong way.
24:23
Speaker 2: You are a major look, bet you by golly wow.
24:27
Speaker 1: You're the one that I've been waiting for all right,
24:29
Speaker 1: God damn it. Why you're the guy that's saying you know,
24:31
Speaker 1: yeah you bet you and everything? I know it. Well,
24:35
Speaker 1: you're the one that I've been waiting for forever and ever.
24:44
Speaker 1: Will my love for you keep going strong? Right down
24:51
Speaker 1: the pant leg? Oh that's it. I don't know who
24:54
Speaker 1: did that. No, you don't know you, mister Henry. I
24:57
Speaker 1: will sue you. I have Frank Ray on the case.
25:00
Speaker 1: I didn't know that Frank's handling your case handling your case?
25:04
Speaker 1: What do you think it means? Penis? Is that it
25:06
Speaker 1: all right? Major? You're losing it. No, every time I
25:09
Speaker 1: come on this program, you people try to make me
25:11
Speaker 1: look like the wrong side of a baboon? All right?
25:13
Speaker 1: What side is that? Three guesses and the first two
25:15
Speaker 1: don't count. I'd like to finish this song, okay, Yes, sir,
25:20
Speaker 1: you're the one that I've been waiting for. Balloonna forever
25:25
Speaker 1: and balloonya ever? Will my love for you keep growing strong? No?
25:32
Speaker 1: Keep growing strong? Not keep going down the pit la.
25:39
Speaker 1: If I could, I'd catch a falling star. Yeah, as
25:46
Speaker 1: it dropped right out of your dad's head. Where are
25:51
Speaker 1: you going? Where am I going? I'm getting out of here.
25:54
Speaker 1: That's where I'm going. I don't know where I'm going,
25:55
Speaker 1: but I'm getting out of here, Major, sir, No, No,
26:00
Speaker 1: that was terr But did you do that? Do what? Man?
26:03
Speaker 1: The lyrics are changed fundamentally there on the screen that
26:07
Speaker 1: catch a falling star that dropped out of your dad's ass.
26:09
Speaker 1: I don't know, dickman. Now you're lying. I told you
26:12
Speaker 1: can pull any stunt you want. But when you lie,
26:15
Speaker 1: you know what comes next? Yes? No, what I'm gonna
26:18
Speaker 1: push him out of a bus. I'm pushing out of
26:21
Speaker 1: the nine to ten bus tomorrow morning that sales down
26:23
Speaker 1: Huntington Drive at about sixty miles an hour. No, you're not,
26:27
Speaker 1: God damn it. Thanks a lot, Bud. This is the
26:31
Speaker 1: the show that we wanted to kick off here with
26:33
Speaker 1: the major Evis Duton, the major Evers dut in truth
26:36
Speaker 1: and you carved it a new ass. Thank you. I'm
26:42
Speaker 1: about add and I'll tell you that right now, Major.
26:46
Speaker 1: We tried the things. Yeah, let me tell you something
26:49
Speaker 1: Dickman carved in uh brand spanking new ass. It's not fair,
26:56
Speaker 1: shut up, shut up. But I came out night to
27:00
Speaker 1: sing some songs for Blue bouh. And if I can't
27:09
Speaker 1: sing a decent song with out Dick when fouling it up,
27:18
Speaker 1: putting in lyrics about me carving anew who as when
27:25
Speaker 1: you sucked down? Major, Yeah, you can get this baby,
27:28
Speaker 1: it's you on my mind. But Dick been screwed it.
27:32
Speaker 1: Uh Well, I tried to sing a love song, but
27:39
Speaker 1: he's got me growing down the inside of my slag. Yeah.
27:45
Speaker 1: And if I can't hold you in my arms, I'll
27:51
Speaker 1: just have to drop one into my hand. Goddamn. See,
27:55
Speaker 1: I didn't write that. You didn't what happened there? Major,
27:58
Speaker 1: I just subconsciously And if I can't hold her in
28:01
Speaker 1: my arms like I'll have to have like you're penis
28:04
Speaker 1: in your hand. Everybody thinks that funny. Everybody's think that funny.
28:11
Speaker 1: And if I can't find my way back to Balloonya, well,
28:18
Speaker 1: it just wouldn't be fair, because precious and Few are
28:24
Speaker 1: the moments that me and Balloonya can shift. The show
28:31
Speaker 1: has been produced by Phil Hendry. Precious and Few of
28:34
Speaker 1: the show Executive producer me Phil Henry for Cempory incorporated
28:45
Speaker 1: I forget how it goes? And if you can't find
28:53
Speaker 1: your be back, it just wouldn't be bad. There's precious
29:02
Speaker 1: and Few are the moments that the balloons and Major
29:06
Speaker 1: U shares ever colored the balloons Phil Henry's shown. God,
29:20
Speaker 1: I hate life, every bit of it.
29:25
Speaker 3: This September, CBS hits are streaming free on Pluto TV.
29:28
Speaker 1: I'm coming in for.
29:30
Speaker 3: This month only. You can watch full seasons of the
29:32
Speaker 3: CBS shows you love, from the courtroom drama of Madlock
29:36
Speaker 3: to the heroics of Fire Country, go back to where
29:39
Speaker 3: it all began in NCIS origins, or watch the hilarious
29:43
Speaker 3: Hauntings of Ghosts, all for free. Full seasons of the
29:48
Speaker 3: CBS shows you love this month, only on Pluto TV
29:52
Speaker 3: stream Now, pay Never,