Latest / DA CREW Podcast / SEASON 3 IS HERE Believe in the Journey Podcast with Triveda Harris 5-11-25

Transcript

SEASON 3 IS HERE Believe in the Journey Podcast with Triveda Harris 5-11-25 · DA CREW Podcast

0:09
Speaker 1: The towns.
2:19
Speaker 2: Keep us stist.
4:52
Speaker 3: Okay, can you hear me? I hope.
4:56
Speaker 2: So.
4:56
Speaker 3: I don't know what's going on.
5:00
Speaker 4: But we're here, We're alive.
5:05
Speaker 3: I don't know what my laptop is doing.
5:09
Speaker 4: But.
5:35
Speaker 5: Okay, you speak.
5:38
Speaker 3: Listen. I don't know what's going on, but it's just
5:40
Speaker 3: too much. It's a lot, but anyway, Happy Mother's Day
5:49
Speaker 3: and twenty three. So my children tend to think that
5:54
Speaker 3: I am their child now at this point in my life,
5:59
Speaker 3: they tend to say that I am. I am very
6:04
Speaker 3: very hard headed, and I don't listen to anything that
6:06
Speaker 3: they have to say, which is probably true for the
6:10
Speaker 3: most part. So I'm using my phone now. I don't
6:14
Speaker 3: know what's going on with my laptop. It's doing its
6:17
Speaker 3: own little thing. But anyway, it doesn't matter. We're still here.
6:21
Speaker 3: We're gonna celebrate moms, and to all the moms out
6:24
Speaker 3: there that are listening and tuning in Happy Mother's Day.
6:28
Speaker 3: We're still trying to get doctor Carolyn in. She's trying
6:31
Speaker 3: to reboot her computer and see if that helps. If not,
6:35
Speaker 3: you guys will get me for the whole duration, and
6:39
Speaker 3: I'll try not to keep you too long, and I'll
6:42
Speaker 3: just share some stories about motherhood from my perspective and
6:46
Speaker 3: from my experience. I had my daughter when I was
6:52
Speaker 3: seventeen years old, still a baby, still a teenager, still
6:56
Speaker 3: not really understanding what life was about for myself. And
7:01
Speaker 3: here I am about to be somebody's mom. Not only
7:05
Speaker 3: that God decided to give me a daughter. I didn't
7:10
Speaker 3: know what to do with that child. I had absolutely
7:12
Speaker 3: no clue whatsoever, simply because I had grown up with
7:17
Speaker 3: mostly boys, and so with growing up with mostly boys,
7:21
Speaker 3: you don't really know the girly type things that you're
7:24
Speaker 3: supposed to do. Because I was a tomboy. I was
7:26
Speaker 3: in the streets, cutting flips, playing baseball, softball, kickball, football,
7:32
Speaker 3: and all of the above in the streets with them.
7:35
Speaker 3: So that is all I knew. Hey, brother, how are you?
7:40
Speaker 3: Thank you for tuning in. So starting motherhood for me
7:45
Speaker 3: at a very young age was something I wasn't quite
7:48
Speaker 3: sure that I was ready for that I knew anything about.
7:51
Speaker 3: But I have been taking care of other people's children,
7:55
Speaker 3: you know, because they seem to think that I was
7:59
Speaker 3: responsible for, you know, taking care of their children. My
8:03
Speaker 3: very first experience with kids at a young age was
8:09
Speaker 3: I was thirteen years old. My aunt and uncle. They
8:12
Speaker 3: were going out of town to a softball tournament, and
8:16
Speaker 3: their youngest was about five or six months old, and
8:19
Speaker 3: they were going out of town for the weekend, and
8:23
Speaker 3: they asked me to keep the baby. Now, during this time,
8:27
Speaker 3: you still had to like sterilize the bottles. The milk
8:30
Speaker 3: came in the can, and you had to boil the
8:34
Speaker 3: water to mix in with the can of milk. So
8:38
Speaker 3: I'm thirteen, I'm not quite sure you know what I'm
8:41
Speaker 3: supposed to do, but I had been doing it anyway,
8:44
Speaker 3: just you know, randomly, when they needed a babysitter, I
8:47
Speaker 3: would always volunteer. So I did that, and they decided
8:51
Speaker 3: that they were going to go out of town and
8:52
Speaker 3: trust me with their child, not only for an overnight visit,
8:56
Speaker 3: but two nights, and they expected her to be safe.
9:00
Speaker 3: Now there was another adult in the house. It wasn't
9:04
Speaker 3: just me being thirteen left alone, but the ultimate responsibility
9:09
Speaker 3: was mine, and so I managed to do. If she
9:12
Speaker 3: didn't die, there wasn't anything wrong with her. She still
9:15
Speaker 3: had all her limbs and so everything was, you know, good.
9:21
Speaker 3: She survived. I survived. Now, coming back to myself, seventeen,
9:27
Speaker 3: not quite sure to know what motherhood was going to
9:30
Speaker 3: look like or feel like. But I did make a
9:32
Speaker 3: promise to my daughter to, you know, always be there
9:35
Speaker 3: and always be an open door for her to be
9:38
Speaker 3: able to talk to me about anything. Now, I think
9:41
Speaker 3: I made a big mistake when I did that, because
9:44
Speaker 3: my children now they're grown, and they talked to me
9:46
Speaker 3: about everything and some of the things I really don't
9:49
Speaker 3: want to know. And that's one of the things that
9:51
Speaker 3: does come with motherhood. So I've been a mother for
9:56
Speaker 3: twenty eight years now, and it doesn't get easier. There's
10:02
Speaker 3: a lot of books that they have out here that
10:06
Speaker 3: you know, you can it's a guideline, I'll say it
10:09
Speaker 3: that way, because it's really on the job training that
10:12
Speaker 3: you get when you have your own child. Because I
10:15
Speaker 3: got three, and there are three distinct different personalities. My
10:20
Speaker 3: oldest she is very outspoken, but also she has the
10:30
Speaker 3: most kind hearted spirit when it comes to caring for others.
10:37
Speaker 3: My youngest has that spirit too. My middle one, he's
10:40
Speaker 3: more of straight to the point, very blunt, very you know,
10:46
Speaker 3: hard headed, to the sense of not wanting to be
10:49
Speaker 3: told what to do, but has to go through the
10:51
Speaker 3: hard lessons and find out the hard way. Versus actually
10:56
Speaker 3: taking the advice that you're giving him so that he
10:59
Speaker 3: doesn't get her. He's that child. My youngest is the
11:04
Speaker 3: logical and more person who's gonna hold you accountable to
11:09
Speaker 3: doing the things that you say that you're gonna do.
11:12
Speaker 3: He is that type of child and has always been
11:16
Speaker 3: since he's been on this earth. And he holds me accountable.
11:20
Speaker 3: Tell him I'm gonna do something. He holds me to
11:22
Speaker 3: that standard, to the deadline that I say. And I'm
11:26
Speaker 3: grateful for that. So God knew what he was doing
11:28
Speaker 3: when he blessed me with these three. But some days
11:31
Speaker 3: I'll be trying to run away from them, but it
11:33
Speaker 3: doesn't quite work out that way, because they gonna find me,
11:37
Speaker 3: and they gonna call around to find me if they
11:40
Speaker 3: have not heard from me and are there or two.
11:43
Speaker 3: I remember I had a stroke, Well not just that
11:47
Speaker 3: I remember that I had a stroke, but I remember
11:50
Speaker 3: the time when I did, and I was going through
11:53
Speaker 3: some things and I didn't understand how my kids were
11:57
Speaker 3: really just so happy, go lucky throughing the whole process
12:01
Speaker 3: of everything that I was going through. My kids have
12:04
Speaker 3: always looked at things in a way of positivity, even
12:11
Speaker 3: in the midst of darkness and things of that nature.
12:13
Speaker 3: And I didn't understand why. But my son I told
12:16
Speaker 3: them something when they were smaller, and that was to
12:22
Speaker 3: give whatever you give your feelings to, whatever you focus
12:25
Speaker 3: on the most, that feeling, whether it's anger, sadness, happiness, frustration,
12:31
Speaker 3: whatever it is, whatever you give that to, that is
12:34
Speaker 3: where your focus is going to go. So if you're
12:36
Speaker 3: constantly thinking of negative things and whatever, that is what
12:40
Speaker 3: your emotions are going to stay on. They're going to
12:43
Speaker 3: be like that all the time. And so I was
12:46
Speaker 3: going through my situation not knowing how to talk and
12:50
Speaker 3: doing all this. Doctors didn't know what was going on
12:52
Speaker 3: with me either, and I came home from the doctors.
12:56
Speaker 3: I was really frustrated because the doctor still didn't know
12:59
Speaker 3: what was going on. And I asked my oldest son.
13:02
Speaker 3: I said, listen, son, what is the why y'all so happy?
13:05
Speaker 3: Mommy is not understanding what's going on with her, and
13:08
Speaker 3: I can't figure out why y'all are so happy. And
13:12
Speaker 3: my son told me, he said, it's your fault. I said,
13:15
Speaker 3: what do you mean it's my fault? He said, you
13:17
Speaker 3: have created us to be this way, and so since
13:20
Speaker 3: you've created us to be this way because you told
13:22
Speaker 3: us any emotion that we stick with the longest, that's
13:25
Speaker 3: the one that controls whatever it is that we do.
13:28
Speaker 3: And so with that being said, I didn't know Number
13:32
Speaker 3: one that he was listening to what I said because
13:34
Speaker 3: he was about seven or eight years old when I
13:36
Speaker 3: told him that. Now he's thirteen and he's given me
13:39
Speaker 3: back what I have told him, and so now I'm like, Okay,
13:44
Speaker 3: you're absolutely right. So I gave myself a little pity
13:47
Speaker 3: party for about thirty minutes, and then I pulled myself
13:49
Speaker 3: together to figure out what it was that I was
13:52
Speaker 3: gonna do. Now I'm going to talk a little bit
13:57
Speaker 3: about my relationship with my mom, and it was a
14:06
Speaker 3: I'm not going to say I love hate relationship, but
14:08
Speaker 3: it was a relationship that was tested over the years,
14:12
Speaker 3: and it was tested to the fact of wanting to
14:21
Speaker 3: choke her sometimes and probably she wanting to do the
14:24
Speaker 3: same to me. But it was one where I had
14:28
Speaker 3: to be the adult in the situation instead of being
14:32
Speaker 3: the child. And my mother she suffered with a drug
14:38
Speaker 3: addiction and alcohol addiction, and it wasn't easy growing up
14:44
Speaker 3: in a situation like that because she was an individual
14:51
Speaker 3: all her own and she made decisions according to how
14:55
Speaker 3: she felt they should be. So we it had a lot,
15:01
Speaker 3: you know, in that situation, to where I didn't know
15:07
Speaker 3: if we were gonna make it, we were gonna get
15:12
Speaker 3: to a place that we got before she passed. I
15:17
Speaker 3: was usually the one making sure that my younger siblings
15:21
Speaker 3: were okay when my mom had them, but she ended
15:25
Speaker 3: up losing custody of them when I was about fourteen
15:28
Speaker 3: years old, and so having two younger siblings that were
15:34
Speaker 3: in foster care another sibling that was living with our father,
15:39
Speaker 3: it took a toll on me as a young mom
15:44
Speaker 3: growing up with my own daughter. I only had the
15:46
Speaker 3: one at that time, but making sure that my mother's
15:49
Speaker 3: bills were paid, that her lights were on, that her
15:52
Speaker 3: water was taking care of that the kids clothes were washed,
15:56
Speaker 3: and taking care of making sure that they got back
15:59
Speaker 3: and forth to school, things of that nature. That was
16:02
Speaker 3: pretty much the majority of my relationship with my mom.
16:07
Speaker 3: Hey Faring, Happy Mother's Day to you two. Also, Hey sis,
16:12
Speaker 3: how are you listen you guys? I'm just talking right now,
16:16
Speaker 3: So I thank you guys for tuning in, and happy
16:19
Speaker 3: Mother's Day you guys. Could be somewhere else doing something else,
16:22
Speaker 3: but you're here with me, celebrating, and I want to
16:25
Speaker 3: say thank you. Motherhood is one of those things that
16:28
Speaker 3: does not come with a instruction God. It's really on
16:32
Speaker 3: the job training. And each child that you have, you
16:35
Speaker 3: will notice that it goes from one extreme to the other.
16:40
Speaker 3: And if you have children who are have challenges, I'm
16:48
Speaker 3: not going to say that they're disabled or have disabilities
16:53
Speaker 3: or anything like that, because they're created special and they're
16:56
Speaker 3: created in the ways that God intended for them to
16:58
Speaker 3: be so, and he chose you to be that mother
17:02
Speaker 3: to that child because there's something that you both need
17:05
Speaker 3: to bring without bring out in each other. And that's
17:08
Speaker 3: the purpose for most of us, and sometimes we miss
17:11
Speaker 3: that one with our children, that our children are placed
17:14
Speaker 3: here for other reasons outside of just being our children.
17:20
Speaker 3: You know, they have a bigger purpose and a greater
17:22
Speaker 3: purpose for their lives. And sometimes as parents, I feel
17:27
Speaker 3: like we try to live out our dreams through our children,
17:31
Speaker 3: which isn't always a good thing. So we have to
17:35
Speaker 3: be mindful and hear our children when they have their
17:38
Speaker 3: goals and their dreams and their true identity for themselves.
17:42
Speaker 3: Thank you. I'm trying hard not to cry because I'll
17:53
Speaker 3: start thinking about my mom. So bear with me. It's
18:10
Speaker 3: coming up on two years June the fifteenth, and as
18:14
Speaker 3: you guys have probably seen, I'm going to be celebrating
18:18
Speaker 3: her sixty sixth birthday on July the fifth. And I
18:23
Speaker 3: just completed the book and it's in. I completed it,
18:29
Speaker 3: I've edited, and so I'm just waiting on it to
18:34
Speaker 3: actually be completed and finished. And I did it in
18:40
Speaker 3: honor of her, and the price of the book remembers
18:52
Speaker 3: her in every way that I could think of. So
18:57
Speaker 3: if you decide to purchase a book, if you do
19:01
Speaker 3: the paperback, it's gonna be fifteen, If you do the hardcover,
19:06
Speaker 3: it's gonna be twenty three, and it's gonna have a
19:10
Speaker 3: total of sixty six pages, honoring her passing date, the
19:17
Speaker 3: year that she passed, in the year that age she
19:23
Speaker 3: would have turned if she was still here. One thing
19:42
Speaker 3: I can say about my mom is that if she
19:47
Speaker 3: was here, she would love to be on the show.
19:51
Speaker 3: She would be surprised that I would still be doing
19:53
Speaker 3: the show, and that I actually have friends that I
19:59
Speaker 3: enjoyed talking to, spending time with, and things of that nature.
20:05
Speaker 3: Because my mom is always seeing me with this. Myself
20:10
Speaker 3: and my kids, not really too many people outside of that,
20:15
Speaker 3: and of course my best friend. But I'm not really
20:20
Speaker 3: a big people person, mostly a loner. But I've made
20:33
Speaker 3: it to step out of my comfort zone and be
20:38
Speaker 3: in spaces and places where I fit and not places
20:44
Speaker 3: where I don't. I'm not sure what's going on with
20:50
Speaker 3: doctor Carolyn, but we've tried to get her on and
20:53
Speaker 3: if she makes it great. Brotherhood can take its toll
20:59
Speaker 3: on us mentally and physically, and having a good support
21:03
Speaker 3: system around you is one of the things that you
21:06
Speaker 3: definitely need, having a support system to where you can
21:10
Speaker 3: call upon people when you're overwhelmed, overstimulated, and things of
21:15
Speaker 3: that nature. I know when I have my daughter and
21:19
Speaker 3: I was living with my aunts, they used to make
21:23
Speaker 3: fun of me with my daughter because I was teaching her,
21:28
Speaker 3: you know, her body parts and how to say her
21:31
Speaker 3: name and how to do all of those things. And
21:36
Speaker 3: they would ask me why was I doing those things
21:38
Speaker 3: because it wasn't my responsibility. It was for the teachers
21:41
Speaker 3: to do when she got old enough to go to school,
21:44
Speaker 3: and we would have an argument about that because it
21:47
Speaker 3: was like kids learn first at home. They learned by
21:52
Speaker 3: the things that they see and hear and interact with.
21:57
Speaker 3: And so I wanted to make sure that my child
21:59
Speaker 3: was ready to go to school when it was time
22:02
Speaker 3: for her to go to school, and not just be
22:05
Speaker 3: dependent upon the school system to teach my child. And
22:11
Speaker 3: I made sure that she knew what she needed to do.
22:17
Speaker 3: She started kindergarten, and my brother and my sister in
22:22
Speaker 3: law had come to the house and it was a Thursday,
22:27
Speaker 3: and Kyla had vocabulary to do. And if you know
22:32
Speaker 3: my daughter, you know how dramatic she can really and
22:35
Speaker 3: truly be. And she was just breaking down in tears
22:40
Speaker 3: and just crying. And of course her uncle did not
22:43
Speaker 3: like any bit of that. He said that I was
22:45
Speaker 3: being too hard on her, that she was just a kids,
22:48
Speaker 3: she was just a baby, that I didn't need to
22:51
Speaker 3: be fussing at her to get this work done. And
22:55
Speaker 3: I'm like, she has a vocabulary test tomorrow. There's ten words,
22:58
Speaker 3: and we go through this every single week and she
23:01
Speaker 3: cries for twenty minutes to an hour depending on the
23:06
Speaker 3: words that she feels like it's just too much, and
23:09
Speaker 3: so he would not allow us to continue to study,
23:14
Speaker 3: even though she was crying and I had gotten used
23:17
Speaker 3: to it at that point, and so she ended up
23:20
Speaker 3: going to school on Friday, and she failed her.
23:26
Speaker 4: Her spelling tests and my brother I told my brother,
23:31
Speaker 4: I said, see you butted in because you said that
23:35
Speaker 4: I didn't need to be messing with your niece at
23:38
Speaker 4: this point.
23:39
Speaker 3: And she felt she made a sixty five. And so
23:44
Speaker 3: she cried, of course about that when she got home,
23:47
Speaker 3: because she made a sixty five, But it was because
23:51
Speaker 3: she didn't complete her routine of crying for however long
23:54
Speaker 3: she needed to cry. It would be twenty minutes to
23:57
Speaker 3: forty five minutes to an hour sometimes every single Thursday night,
24:02
Speaker 3: like clockwork. Okay, so she made that sixty five. The
24:05
Speaker 3: next week Thursday came, we did the same thing, let
24:09
Speaker 3: her cry, let her plus let her do everything else
24:12
Speaker 3: that she needed to do. By Friday when she took
24:15
Speaker 3: the test, and guess what, she made a hundred. It
24:18
Speaker 3: was just the way that she dealt and processed the
24:21
Speaker 3: stuff that she needed to process. I'm not sure why
24:24
Speaker 3: it worked, but it did work for her. Knowing when
24:30
Speaker 3: to take a break and when to say that you
24:33
Speaker 3: are overwhelmed and you're stressed is key to actually being
24:38
Speaker 3: the best version of yourself and being available to your
24:43
Speaker 3: children and saying that is that you're not okay. It's
24:46
Speaker 3: okay to say and never feel bad for saying that
24:50
Speaker 3: you're not okay. I think most of the time, when
24:55
Speaker 3: moms get overwhelmed, especially when you're a single mom and
24:59
Speaker 3: you're raising your children, you don't really want to ask
25:04
Speaker 3: for help sometimes because you feel as if people are
25:08
Speaker 3: going to judge you for asking for help. And I
25:11
Speaker 3: know I experienced that a lot because I had had
25:16
Speaker 3: a stroke, was dealing with going through a separation under
25:20
Speaker 3: divorce and having to ask my family for help in
25:25
Speaker 3: moments that I needed them was one of the toughest
25:28
Speaker 3: things that I had to do. But what is still
25:31
Speaker 3: is at times it's hard for me to do is
25:33
Speaker 3: to ask for help. But I've learned that it's okay,
25:36
Speaker 3: and people most of the time they're not judging. They're
25:39
Speaker 3: willing to help if you know. And as the saying goes,
25:43
Speaker 3: the closed mouth can't get fed, so nobody knows what
25:46
Speaker 3: you're going through unless you tell them. So if you're
25:50
Speaker 3: having a hard time, unsure of what you have going on,
25:53
Speaker 3: what you are frustrated with and unsure about, always speak up.
26:00
Speaker 3: And say something about it. And I did a journal
26:06
Speaker 3: last year and it's called a Queen's Guide to Mental
26:10
Speaker 3: Wellness and Self Love becoming a healthier you in every way.
26:15
Speaker 3: And if you guys get an opportunity, you can go
26:18
Speaker 3: and get this off of Amazon, and it basically has
26:23
Speaker 3: some little tips in here and basically where you can
26:27
Speaker 3: do a daily check in with yourself about what you're feeling,
26:32
Speaker 3: what you're going through, some affirmations, and just some little
26:37
Speaker 3: small steps that you can, you know, maintain a healthy
26:44
Speaker 3: mental health with yourself and to love yourself. You know,
26:48
Speaker 3: our bodies go through with so many changes, not only
26:52
Speaker 3: the physical, but the mental as well, because when your
26:55
Speaker 3: hormones aren't balanced in the way that they need to
26:58
Speaker 3: be balanced, you are literally all over the place. And
27:01
Speaker 3: I may even be all over the place tonight because
27:03
Speaker 3: I've twitched so many different subjects, but I'm just trying
27:06
Speaker 3: to cover so much in a small amount of time.
27:10
Speaker 3: So I love you for bearing with me. And my
27:13
Speaker 3: emotions are literally all over the place today because, like
27:17
Speaker 3: I said, I don't have my mom, and you know,
27:20
Speaker 3: not having her here is a different feeling. So anybody
27:24
Speaker 3: who's lost a parent knows that feeling is not an
27:28
Speaker 3: easy and it's an adjustment. It's a moment by moment adjustment.
27:31
Speaker 3: It's not one of those things. Is is they say
27:35
Speaker 3: time heals all wounds. This is a wound that will
27:37
Speaker 3: never heal, no matter how much is nursed or nurtured
27:42
Speaker 3: or whatever. Wound like this is never ending. And you're
27:47
Speaker 3: always learning how to adjust to what emotions and what
27:51
Speaker 3: feelings come. And I'm still learning how to sit in
27:56
Speaker 3: the emotions that I feel when they come up when
27:59
Speaker 3: it comes to my mom. One thing, the hardest chapter
28:05
Speaker 3: in writing the book for.
28:06
Speaker 5: My mom.
28:08
Speaker 3: Was the final chapter, and that was Healing my Mother
28:15
Speaker 3: Lad and that is the title of that chapter. And
28:20
Speaker 3: basically I had to go through the steps of grieving
28:26
Speaker 3: as I wrote that chapter, and that was one of
28:30
Speaker 3: the hardest chapters because even though I know that she's
28:34
Speaker 3: not going, she's not coming back, I had to grieve
28:39
Speaker 3: the process of grieving her all over again. But I
28:43
Speaker 3: grieved my mother for as long as I've had her.
28:49
Speaker 3: And I say that because I didn't live with my mom,
28:55
Speaker 3: and so I got used to seeing her every three
29:00
Speaker 3: to six months and sometimes it may be a year
29:03
Speaker 3: or two. Even though she still lived in the same city,
29:08
Speaker 3: in town or whatever here in spartanor it would still
29:12
Speaker 3: be where I didn't see her on a regular basis,
29:15
Speaker 3: and so I got used to not seeing her regularly.
29:21
Speaker 3: So when she ended up in the hospital in twenty
29:28
Speaker 3: three in February, from mid February until probably the day
29:39
Speaker 3: she passed, I think I may have missed four days
29:44
Speaker 3: total of not seeing her. And my mom wasn't an
29:50
Speaker 3: easy person to get close to as far as affection
29:55
Speaker 3: and love goes, because she wasn't big on saying I
29:59
Speaker 3: love you. She wasn't big on hugs and kisses. She
30:03
Speaker 3: wasn't that. But when she was with my children, they
30:07
Speaker 3: got to see that version of her, and me watching
30:10
Speaker 3: her with them made me see her in a different
30:14
Speaker 3: light because wasn't what she wasn't able to give to me,
30:17
Speaker 3: she gave to them, and my kids were able to,
30:22
Speaker 3: especially my daughter, was able to climb in the bed
30:25
Speaker 3: with my mom and love on her. I wasn't able
30:27
Speaker 3: to do that until after she was in the facility
30:31
Speaker 3: in gast Me and I was able to get in
30:34
Speaker 3: the bed and lay beside her and love on her
30:36
Speaker 3: and kiss on her, and that was up. That was
30:40
Speaker 3: one of the greatest gifts that I ever got. And
30:45
Speaker 3: after we had that moment, she was one of the
30:49
Speaker 3: DNA's was in the room and they were changing her
30:54
Speaker 3: bed linen on the bed and so I was helping
30:58
Speaker 3: and my had to lean over, but she was not
31:02
Speaker 3: as strong as she once was, and so I was
31:06
Speaker 3: holding her in my arms and she looked up at
31:09
Speaker 3: me and she said, this is right up for yo, Allie,
31:11
Speaker 3: ain't it. I said, yes, ma'am, this is something I've
31:14
Speaker 3: been waiting to do for my whole life. And now
31:16
Speaker 3: guess what. You can't run. You got to sit here
31:19
Speaker 3: and take every bit of the love and all these
31:21
Speaker 3: hugs and kisses that I get to give you, and
31:25
Speaker 3: it's lovely for me. And she just died laughing, And
31:30
Speaker 3: so I was just like, Okay, I can do this.
31:33
Speaker 3: I could get used to this. I can enjoy each
31:37
Speaker 3: and every moment that I get to love on you,
31:41
Speaker 3: kiss on you, tell you that I love you, and
31:43
Speaker 3: hear you say it back to me. And every day
31:47
Speaker 3: that I would get off work, I would go and
31:50
Speaker 3: see her, and I would be tired, but I would
31:53
Speaker 3: still make my way to Gaffney every day to go
31:56
Speaker 3: and sit with her for one or two hours and
31:59
Speaker 3: then come home and repeat that process. And if I
32:04
Speaker 3: was not there by a certain time, she would always
32:07
Speaker 3: call or have my aunt call me if my aunt
32:11
Speaker 3: was there visiting to see if I was okay. And
32:15
Speaker 3: I don't think she was just calling to see if
32:17
Speaker 3: I was okay. She was just making sure that I
32:20
Speaker 3: was coming because every single time I entered that room,
32:23
Speaker 3: her face would light up because she was happy to
32:27
Speaker 3: see me. And that was something that made my day,
32:32
Speaker 3: regardless if she was mad at me or whatever, because
32:37
Speaker 3: she would get mad at me for various reasons. That's
32:41
Speaker 3: just who she is. She was stubborn. One day, my
32:43
Speaker 3: brother had came down to visit and she was being stubborn.
32:48
Speaker 3: She didn't want to get her bandages changed and she refused.
32:53
Speaker 3: So I got off with work and I went and
32:57
Speaker 3: I got there. I said, mommy, why won't you let
33:01
Speaker 3: the nurses CHANGERR bandages? I got my reasons, They my
33:07
Speaker 3: personal reasons. I said, Okay, Well, I understand that, I said,
33:10
Speaker 3: but mommy, it's time for you to get those changed,
33:12
Speaker 3: and you need to let them do it. Tarvida, I'm
33:16
Speaker 3: not doing that today. Yes you are. You're gonna do
33:19
Speaker 3: that today, I need a new order. I said, okay,
33:23
Speaker 3: what order do you need? I need a new order
33:25
Speaker 3: because I'm not doing that. I said, okay, bye, that
33:29
Speaker 3: you gonna get them changed today. So I went to
33:33
Speaker 3: the nursing station. I asked for a piece of paper,
33:36
Speaker 3: and I asked for again, and I said, who's here
33:42
Speaker 3: to change her bandages? Are they still here and to
33:47
Speaker 3: do the wound care for her? And they was like, yeah,
33:49
Speaker 3: they're still here, but they're they're not gonna be here
33:52
Speaker 3: much longer. Well make sure that they stay because she's
33:55
Speaker 3: gonna be changed getting these bandages changed. So what I
33:57
Speaker 3: wrote on the piece of paper was, I, Alfridia Ann
34:02
Speaker 3: Harris gives permission to have my bandages changed today. I
34:07
Speaker 3: signed my name, I put the date in the time,
34:10
Speaker 3: and then I made my mama sign it too. She
34:14
Speaker 3: got them bandages changed, but she kept telling me that
34:18
Speaker 3: it was her business and it was her personal reasons.
34:21
Speaker 3: You don't got no personal reasons, and you're getting these
34:23
Speaker 3: bandages changed, and that I don't care nothing about what
34:25
Speaker 3: you're talking about because we're doing this set. And she
34:29
Speaker 3: got them changed, needless to say, but she fussed and
34:37
Speaker 3: her favorite saying, I'm not going to say it now,
34:40
Speaker 3: but she had her way of letting people know who
34:46
Speaker 3: she was. She loved to play softball, she loved to cook.
34:50
Speaker 3: One thing she did not share with me with telling
34:52
Speaker 3: them a little sauty about still my mama could make
34:55
Speaker 3: the best fried chicken. But she didn't have this. She
34:59
Speaker 3: was always take the skin off. But y'all, when I
35:02
Speaker 3: tell you this, fried chicken still tasted as if the
35:04
Speaker 3: skin was on there, because it would still be crispy
35:07
Speaker 3: and juicy and everything. But she took the skin off
35:10
Speaker 3: the chicken, and you know, for me, that's the most
35:13
Speaker 3: favorite part of chicken. I don't know about y'all, but
35:15
Speaker 3: for me it was. But she would not give me
35:17
Speaker 3: that recipe at all. She didn't give it to me.
35:20
Speaker 3: She didn't give it to my daughter, she didn't give
35:22
Speaker 3: it to her sister, she didn't give it to none
35:23
Speaker 3: of us. So she kept that to herself. But I'm
35:26
Speaker 3: gonna figure it out because I know what her little
35:29
Speaker 3: seasons and stuff was. But I'm gonna see about that
35:32
Speaker 3: because I ain't never really cooked the chicken without the
35:34
Speaker 3: skin on it, except for, you know, if I'm bacon
35:36
Speaker 3: chicken or something like that, or doing something a little different,
35:41
Speaker 3: but love on your mom's. If you are having a
35:44
Speaker 3: hard time, hard relationship hard, remember that your mother was
35:48
Speaker 3: a child herself at one point, So try to get
35:53
Speaker 3: to know them in a way that you never did before.
35:59
Speaker 3: Because when when I started to realize that my mother
36:02
Speaker 3: was a child before she had me, she belonged to
36:05
Speaker 3: somebody before she before I came along. She had her
36:09
Speaker 3: own ideas of what she wanted her life to look like,
36:13
Speaker 3: and maybe I was not part of that plan. And
36:18
Speaker 3: I had to realize that she's made some mistakes and
36:21
Speaker 3: been through some things, and something in her life made
36:24
Speaker 3: her turn to drugs and alcohol and of a sense
36:28
Speaker 3: of comfort. And me, my drug of choice is chocolate,
36:32
Speaker 3: So that's my thing now. I may not eat it
36:35
Speaker 3: as much as I once did, but I definitely will
36:38
Speaker 3: buy it and it will sit. So I haven't quite
36:40
Speaker 3: broke that habit just yet, but that has been my
36:45
Speaker 3: go to But you got to figure out where those
36:48
Speaker 3: triggers were and loved them from a space of where
36:53
Speaker 3: they are willing to receive it now. It took my
36:56
Speaker 3: mom sixty three years to allow me in her space
37:01
Speaker 3: to love on her before she left, and I'm grateful
37:04
Speaker 3: that she gave me the opportunity to love on her,
37:07
Speaker 3: to show her that there was no hard feelings, that
37:11
Speaker 3: I did not hold her to the sum of what
37:15
Speaker 3: she came into this world bearing. Her burdens were hers,
37:21
Speaker 3: and I didn't blame her for us not having the
37:26
Speaker 3: greatest relationship because I also know that I played a
37:28
Speaker 3: role in that as well with not wanting to be
37:33
Speaker 3: known as her daughter at one point in my life,
37:36
Speaker 3: because as a teenager growing up, you are ridiculed and
37:40
Speaker 3: made fun of if you have a parent that's on
37:43
Speaker 3: drugs when you're in school, people tend to make fun
37:46
Speaker 3: of you and not want to to show you any kindness.
37:53
Speaker 3: They'd rather make fun of you. But I realized also
37:56
Speaker 3: that some of those same people that were probably making
38:00
Speaker 3: fun of me their parents, who are dealing with the
38:02
Speaker 3: same things, but they were better at hiding it. I'm
38:05
Speaker 3: not good for hiding what I'm dealing with if you
38:09
Speaker 3: know me, and whatever I'm going is gonna show on
38:12
Speaker 3: my face. But love on, love on your moms. Call them,
38:19
Speaker 3: tell them that you appreciate them, tell them that you
38:21
Speaker 3: love them, Honor them in the best way that you
38:25
Speaker 3: know how, in a way that they would be proud
38:28
Speaker 3: to be remembered. Motherhood is definitely a gift in itself.
38:36
Speaker 3: It's a gift that keeps on giving. And now I
38:39
Speaker 3: have grandchildren and I get to love on them. Now.
38:43
Speaker 3: My kids tell me that I have gotten solved because
38:46
Speaker 3: the things that they were not able to get away with,
38:49
Speaker 3: that my grandkids are now able to get away with.
38:52
Speaker 3: And I don't quite agree with that, but I'm not
38:55
Speaker 3: supposed to because I'm in the role of grandma, not
38:58
Speaker 3: so much as mom. But I love being a mom.
39:03
Speaker 3: I love being a grandma. It is a difference in
39:08
Speaker 3: the love because I didn't know that my heart could
39:11
Speaker 3: expand any more than it already had. But I thank
39:16
Speaker 3: you guys so much for tuning in and make sure
39:19
Speaker 3: that you come out and join me on July the
39:22
Speaker 3: fifth at from twelve thirty from twelve to three and
39:29
Speaker 3: one fifty Wander Drive is Barnberg, South Carolina. It is
39:33
Speaker 3: a book signing. It's going to be my very first
39:35
Speaker 3: book signing, you guys, and it's going to be a
39:37
Speaker 3: birthday celebration in honor of my mom. And the title
39:41
Speaker 3: of the book is called From Fracture to Fulfilled Healing
39:44
Speaker 3: My relationship with my mom. It's a reflection of where
39:50
Speaker 3: our relationship started and the growth of how we were
39:54
Speaker 3: able to mend and find our way to the mother
39:58
Speaker 3: daughter relationship that we ultimately had. I realized in my
40:03
Speaker 3: mom's passing that she was always the mother that I needed,
40:07
Speaker 3: because I became the mother that I wanted to my
40:10
Speaker 3: children and had I not realized that the image that
40:17
Speaker 3: you see on TV all the time of these loving
40:21
Speaker 3: mother daughter relationships, they're just fairy tales. But the mother
40:25
Speaker 3: that I had was the mother that I needed so
40:29
Speaker 3: that I could become the mom that I am. And
40:32
Speaker 3: I'm forever grateful for every lesson that my mom taught me.
40:38
Speaker 3: The strength that this woman had and that she showed
40:41
Speaker 3: even during her final weeks here on this earth. She
40:46
Speaker 3: was so strong that those around her She's the oldest
40:53
Speaker 3: of her siblings and I'm the oldest of her children,
40:56
Speaker 3: and she never allowed them to see the weakness that
41:01
Speaker 3: she was actually feeling. So when they would leave, my
41:06
Speaker 3: mom became a baby in the sense of being able
41:11
Speaker 3: to be that vulnerable and let her guard down and
41:14
Speaker 3: to let me in in that space and let me
41:20
Speaker 3: see just how strong I really was, and where I
41:23
Speaker 3: got my strength from and where I continue to draw
41:27
Speaker 3: from because no, she's not here anymore, but she still
41:32
Speaker 3: is pushing me to be the greatest version of myself
41:37
Speaker 3: and the greatest version of her because she created me,
41:42
Speaker 3: and without her, I would not be who I am.
41:46
Speaker 3: So I thank you guys for tuning in because I'm
41:49
Speaker 3: about to start crying again. But please come out and
41:54
Speaker 3: join me July the fifth, from twelve to three one
41:58
Speaker 3: fifty you long to drive in Spartan versus Ilina even
42:03
Speaker 3: just come out because I'm gonna be baking some cupcase
42:05
Speaker 3: because my mama love redove it cupcase, so have some
42:08
Speaker 3: of those. It's gonna be light refreshments and you'll hear
42:11
Speaker 3: more of stories from family and friends about us. And
42:17
Speaker 3: since today is about also mental health, make sure you
42:20
Speaker 3: grab this book because you're gonna need it. It is
42:22
Speaker 3: a work book. Also. It gives you all of you know,
42:26
Speaker 3: check in self care well quotes and things that you
42:29
Speaker 3: can tell yourself. And I'll read you one little affirmation
42:32
Speaker 3: from this book. Well, I'll read you a couple of them.
42:36
Speaker 3: Every journey has a first step, and loving yourself is
42:39
Speaker 3: not selfish. Make your mental health a priority when you
42:44
Speaker 3: are going through life because life can throw you some
42:49
Speaker 3: curve balls, and you don't want to get stuck in
42:51
Speaker 3: a Donald spiral, to be so overwhelmed that you feel
42:56
Speaker 3: like you don't have anybody that you can turn to.
43:00
Speaker 3: God is always there, no matter when it seems and
43:03
Speaker 3: looks like we don't know where we're going. God always
43:07
Speaker 3: is the great GPS. He'll never lead you astray, so
43:13
Speaker 3: focus on him, pay attention to his instructions, and you'll
43:16
Speaker 3: always be on the right path to get where you're going.
43:20
Speaker 3: So I thank you guys for tuning in. Happy Mother's
43:23
Speaker 3: Day again to all the mothers out there, and always
43:26
Speaker 3: remember to stay out of God's business. The only thing
43:29
Speaker 3: he needs you to do is be obedient to what
43:30
Speaker 3: He's called you to do. I love you guys.
43:33
Speaker 5: The night
44:01
Speaker 3: UH one three that m m m m