Latest / The Ben Maller Show / The Fifth Hour: Puddles Instead of Paradise

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The Fifth Hour: Puddles Instead of Paradise · The Ben Maller Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Kabooms.
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  Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to Clearinghouse of
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
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  Speaker 2: with Ben Mallard starts right now.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: In the air everywhere.
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  Speaker 3: The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Mather and Danny G
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  Speaker 3: Radio a hap be Happy, Be Happy.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Saturday to you.
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  Speaker 3: We are hanging out a college football Saturday. Thanksgiving upcoming
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: and we got you covered. Danny G is producing this podcast.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: He will be with us for the mail Bag on Sunday,
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: but you got just me today on this podcast. We
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: have through the fog, zip codes and Pineapple Express, and
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: we'll put all of those things together and we are
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: going to make the Gabba Ghoul and the Baba Gnoose.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: We're gonna make all that.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: But we open up with this so the theater is
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: open fun for all ages. Now, you have to understand
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: something about the weeknight radio show Overnight Radio. It's not
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: so much as a job. It's a form of time travel,
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: which is really really kind of cool, really really kind
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: of cool. So we sit alone in a little Sherman
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: Oaks studio. It's two thirty in the morning, and there
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: are no windows in the studio in now we have
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: no windows.
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  Speaker 1: The lights hume along.
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: There's a security guard in the building in the courtyard,
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: somewhere in a galaxy far far away, acting like stephen
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: A Smith watching an NBA Finals game, playing solitaire.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: That's if you're lucky, by the way, Okay, if you're lucky.
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: The security guard is acting like stephen A and an
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: NBA Finals game and he's playing solitaire. If you're not lucky,
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: he's conducting his own sleep study while working. He's doing
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: a sleep study while working. Now, the newsroom at the
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: company is a ghost town. It's a ghost ship, okay,
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: formally buzzing with life for years and years, but every
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: year they keep laying people off and they don't replace them,
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: and so it's made it kind of depressing. Right, Maybe
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: there's a leftover container of some orange chicken and some
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: memory of a clip of a stay Awake with Jake
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: back in the day, Jake the Great Jake Warner and
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: out of the silence.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: In our studio.
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  Speaker 3: You start barking into these microphones and your voice gets
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: shot out of satellites and into transmitters and out into
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: the abyss, the great beyond, and you don't know where
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: it lands. You don't know who catches it. And that's
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: the magic of overnight radio. You're speaking to everyone who's
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: among the living, and yet no one at the same time,
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: and that transmitter booming the voice. It might ricochet off
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: a commercial truck in Barstow and then bounce into a
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: casino surveillance room somewhere outside a Wheeling, West Virginia, at
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: a little casino there. I don't even know if they
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: have a casino in Wheeling, West Virginia. I just brought
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: up Wheeling, West Virginia. We used to have a caller
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: from Wheeling, West Virginia who was very annoying, and I
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: don't know if he's around anymore. Radio Rich or maybe
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: that signal sneaks under a bedroom door and Dayton, Ohio
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: at the exact moment someone woke up at three in
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: the morning, they make a pit stop, and that's how
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: it happens. Radio is discovered the way trains used to
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: back in the day be seen through fok. Right, it's
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: the same thing. You know, radio has discovered the way
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: that trains used to be seen through fog. And that's
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: how Ed from Dayton, who Ed from Dayton found us.
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: He said that the radio happened to be on one
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  Speaker 3: night and he got up to use the powder room,
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: as they say on ht TV in Canada, HGTV in Canada,
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: they say the powder room. Now, that is how all
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: great romances begin in overnight talk radio. The creeping crud, indigestion, insomnia,
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: you gotta go, and nobody beats the ways, you know,
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  Speaker 3: dumb luck, whatever that might be. So this week Ed
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  Speaker 3: Ed Ed Ed showed up in Los Angeles and he
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: was saying in Pasadena, home of the Rose Bowl.
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  Speaker 1: To be exact, now, fly no, he did not. Ed drove.
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  Speaker 3: He took four days to drive nineteen hundred and twelve
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  Speaker 3: miles from Dayton, Ohio to Los Angeles. And he got
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  Speaker 3: to California and he was expecting that California sunshine, palm trees.
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  Speaker 3: Maybe he'd get a celebrity siding at Erwan, the overpriced
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  Speaker 3: trendy grocery store in southern California.
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  Speaker 1: That's E. R.
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  Speaker 3: Whon Home of the fifty Dollars Strawberry. Instead, Ed got rain. Now,
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  Speaker 3: not the serious biblical El Nino rain that we get
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: every once in a while in the Golden State. Not
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  Speaker 3: the type that makes the local TV reporter send the
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: camera person down and they stand dangerously close to the
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  Speaker 3: storm drain and tell you to.
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  Speaker 1: Stay in your home.
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  Speaker 3: No, this was the kind of mild rain that makes
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: the SoCal basin act like they've entered the perfect storm.
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  Speaker 3: But really, you just need windshield wipers that work. That's
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  Speaker 3: all you need. Stay off the one oh one freeway.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: I didn't take the one oh one Freeway driving into work.
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  Speaker 3: I made sure I took the long way. I went
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  Speaker 3: about twenty miles out of my way because I did
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  Speaker 3: not want to deal with the water park that is
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  Speaker 3: the one oh one Freeway. Still, listen, when you're from Ohio,
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  Speaker 3: you expect California to beat California, just like the brochure,
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  Speaker 3: you want paradise. Instead, Ed got puddles. Puddles and puddles
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: and puddles and puddles. Anyway, he called it in the
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  Speaker 3: show one night, and first time ever I believe Ed's
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: called the show and he asked, he said, listen, I'm
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  Speaker 3: in town. I'd love to come by and then stop
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: stop by the studio. Now, this is a tricky little dance.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: Back in the old days, as you know, we used
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: to do studio business like it was the statue of liberty.
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  Speaker 3: Give us you're tired, you're poor, your huddled masses yearning
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  Speaker 3: to breathe free with Overnight Sports Radio. Then a gentleman
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  Speaker 3: named Mike the Leprechaun jumped onto the scene. And Mike
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  Speaker 3: the Leprekahn a harmless fellow, as harmless as a sunflower.
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  Speaker 3: He arrived some twelve hours early, covered in suntanned lotion
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  Speaker 3: head to toe, and he scared management so much. How
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: much he scared them so much that management is convinced
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  Speaker 3: that we are harboring radio fugitives on the Overnight show.
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  Speaker 3: So after that, there were several memos sent out. Thanks
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: to Mike the Leprechaun, the rules got tightened from the
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  Speaker 3: corporate overlords of the people that pay my salary. Radio
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  Speaker 3: executives do not speak harmless. They don't understand. Hey, Mike
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  Speaker 3: just loves suntan lotion, he loves radio. He's a leprechaun.
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  Speaker 3: Leave him alone. No, they speak legal liability, they speak
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  Speaker 3: legal liability. No more pop ins is the message. No
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  Speaker 3: unexpected mal or militia hello, none of that. But something
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  Speaker 3: about Ed just felt right. He said he had been
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  Speaker 3: a big fan for years. And I thought, you know,
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  Speaker 3: if I was a guy like Ed, and I loved radio,
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  Speaker 3: because I did love radio growing up before I gotten.
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  Speaker 1: A ring, I loved man, the magic of it, the
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  Speaker 1: theater of it, the holy.
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  Speaker 3: So if I were like Ed, and I happen to
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: be in town, and I loved the radio show, and
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: I wanted to see the show. So what I did
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: is I said, listened, just email me, we'll figure something out.
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: That's a radio host way when a radio host says, hey,
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: email me, we'll figure something out.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: That's a way of the host.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: Saying I'm not really sure that I want to do this,
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  Speaker 3: but I want you to think that I might do it.
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  Speaker 3: So why don't you just send me an email and
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: then I'll say, well, maybe I will do it. And
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: we played a brief email tag game, and then I
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: remembered something that sometimes sometimes in life it is okay
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  Speaker 3: to say yes. You can actually say yes, and it
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  Speaker 3: doesn't cost me anything. I'm doing the show. I'll be
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  Speaker 3: there at the studio. There's a slight level of risk.
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  Speaker 3: This is a total stranger. I don't know Ed. I've
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  Speaker 3: never met Ed. I don't know anything about Ed from Ohio.
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  Speaker 3: I just know that he likes the show and he's
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  Speaker 3: a listener. ED might have a giant butcher knife. I
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  Speaker 3: want to chop me up in little pieces.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know. However, I took a risk. I said,
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  Speaker 1: you know, listen, help this guy out.
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  Speaker 3: It's a good mitzvah, a little kind thing and active kindness.
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  Speaker 3: So we set a time, and I held my breath,
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  Speaker 3: and sure enough Ed showed up on time, on time,
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  Speaker 3: a good Midwestern person, good Midwestern manners, not Minnesota nice
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  Speaker 3: because he's from Ohio. He's from Ohio, not Minnesota. And
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  Speaker 3: Ed stayed exactly thirty minutes. That's the allotted window. We
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: now have only thirty minutes. We asked if he could
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: take a photo for the social media, and we made
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: sure to get permission. That's also a new rule that
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: we added recently. We had one person I will not
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: name the woman, who once threatened to contact the state
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: department and also sue me because we posted a benign,
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: harmless selfie of the woman and she requested that we
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: delete it and the whole thing. And so now we
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: have to ask people to post photos on social media.
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: So we've had a bit of tough luck on studio visits.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, it's not every day that you have someone
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: in you take a photo, post it to promote them
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: and they want to sue you. It's also not every
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  Speaker 3: day that someone shows up twelve hours to the radio
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  Speaker 3: station twelve hours early, covered in suntan lotion. But here
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: we are now Ed is not that person. Ed is
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: not that person. Ed is not He was there just
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  Speaker 3: thirty minutes and we talked a little bit briefly about
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  Speaker 3: what made Ed tick. We talked about from Dayton Hall
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  Speaker 3: of Famer Dick from Dayton, the Babe Ruth of overnight callers.
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  Speaker 3: Ed mentioned that he had become a fan he found
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: our show when Clay Travis, the man who once hosted
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: Mornings on Fox Sports Radio and now sits in one
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: of the most significant shares in American broadcasting, the post
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: Rush Limbaugh seat, which is a massive seat in broadcasting.
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: And I was Clay Travis's lead in for a few
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  Speaker 3: years there, and Ed knew that he didn't forget that
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  Speaker 3: and that's that right there. That is radio magic. The reason,
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: as Paul Harvey would say the rest of the story,
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  Speaker 3: the reason that ed from Dayton, Ohio found the show
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: is because of Clay Travis and because.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: He had to go take a peepee. Yeah, he stayed
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: because of something else entirely. But he happened to go
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: to the bathroom. He woke up early and he had
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: the radio on and it was our show, and he
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: liked what he heard.
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: And he has continued to listen since that point in time.
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: And so that's it. He stayed because of something else.
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: Once you find a show that you like, and I'm
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: the same way, I'm the same way. I'm not different
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: than you. You find something you like. If you watched
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: Benny Versus The Penny, there's a new episode up right now.
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: In one of the episodes we've done this week, we
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: talked about the Stardust Line, which I used to listen
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: to as a kid every Sunday night from ten to midnight.
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: The Stardust Line. I loved it, absolutely loved it. The
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: show really hit something with me and it just worked.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: It worked.
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: So once you find a show that you like, it
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: becomes part of your routine. It becomes part of your life.
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: And that's why it's so important not to miss too
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: much work when you do these kind of jobs, because
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: unlike a podcast where you do one a week, and
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: it's easy to do a podcast like I'm doing right here,
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: it's very easy. Live radio just cuts a little different,
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: just a little harder to do live talk radio.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: And you have to be there. You have to be there.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: You have to do the dirty work, do.
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: The grunt work, and show up day after day, hour
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: after hour. And the way I look at it, it's
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: kind of like a sofa, not sufa stadium, which helmet
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: Man calls sofi stadium. It's like a sofa that you
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: have a sofa. You might not need that sofa. You
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: might go a day or two without using the sofa.
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: Maybe you go all week without using the sofa. However,
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: you like the fact that the sofa is there because
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: if you need the sofa, you can go on the sofa,
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: and every once in a while you just want to
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: go back on that sofa. And maybe you love the
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: sofa so much you go on there every day of
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: the week because that's a very important sofa.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: You want to do it.
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: You want to go on the sofa. Sometimes you don't,
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: sometimes you don't.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: And so there it was. And there are places you go.
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: Because they feed you, and there are places you go
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: because they know you. It's like it becomes part of
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: your routine, you know, like a diner becomes part of
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: a trucker's map for you boys that are on the
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: road all the time. So I told that, listen are
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: You're the backbone of the show. Not the callers, not
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: the characters, not the podcast reviewers or the social media
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: warriors with fake avatars. No, no, no, the silent majority,
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: the quiet ones, the ones who never text, the ones
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: who never post anything, the ones who listen to the
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: podcast while mowing the lawn on a Saturday morning, or
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: live overnight while stocking at Kroger Aisle seven or making
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: bullets at a factory in Missouri all night. Wink wink,
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: nod nod. They rarely call, but they are always there.
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: They know every nickname, every catchphrase, all the characters that
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: call the show, from Jed who Fled, to Marcel and
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: everyone in which Justin and Cincinnati and Robbie the Mariner fan,
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: mister nice Guy and no Stredinis.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: And they know everybody.
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: They know who won Benny versus the Penny in Week
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: seven of the twenty nineteen NFL season. I don't even
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: know who won Benny versus the Penny in Week seven
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: of the twenty nineteen NFL season. They are the reason
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: the lights stay on at three in the morning, the
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: silent majority, and they're the reason that radio still feels
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: a little bit like magic presto.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: Theater of the mind, they call.
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: It, and that's not I don't know if that's quite
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: right theater in mind.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: It's theater of connection.
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: It's all about connection, the theater of stumbling into and
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: onto a voice in the night and deciding not to
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: turn it off. And radio just again means a little
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: more at night.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: It just does.
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: You get paid more money during the day and people
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: like you more and all that, but it just is
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: more important at night.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: It just is.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: It just cuts a little different. And so when Ed
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: was ready to leave the studio because we're getting close
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: to the thirty minute mark, it was kind of a
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: rainy week, as we said, you know, not hard, just
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: enough to make the street lights glow a little bit.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: And I escorted Ed.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: From Dayton out of the building and we took our
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: photo walked him out and all that waved goodbye, and
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: back into the studio I went. And then the fan
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: was spinning, the control board was humming, the buttons were flashing.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: The clock said really late, really late.
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: And somewhere out there heading back to Pasadena, a guy
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: from Dayton, Ohio now knew what the studio looked like,
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: what we look like. The voice in the dark and.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: The other are actually real people. Hear human beings.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: And you know a little little diner in the night
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: with the seat belt yourself or seat yourself down.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: You have to wear a seatbelt, you can seat yourself
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: and all that. Now, isn't that something that's overnight radio.
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: You talk to strangers long enough and some of the
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: strangers become friends.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: You never see them, yet they're your friends. You're just
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: weird for.
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: The midnight travelers. We'll leave the light on for you,
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: kind of like that hotel. Meanwhile, turning the page on
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: that it is a college football Saturday today. You will
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: not see Old Miss be playing on television.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: No, Old Miss.
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: They play the day after Thanksgiving game against their blood
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: rival Old Miss versus Mississippi State.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: So I bring this up.
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: There are reports now we're doing this early on a Saturday,
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: the twenty second day of November, that there are reports
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: here that came down overnight that said that Lane Kiffin
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: has been offered a record tying amount of money to
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: leave Miss for SEC rival LSU in a major college
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: football story. It's not done yet as we are rolling
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: on this podcast, but the coaching carousel going round and
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: round and round and round and round. So the question
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: for the esteem panel, what is Lane Kiffen going to do?
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: Report is he hasn't decided yet, but he's been offered
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: a record tying amount of money. So what does old
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: Miss coach Lane Kiffin do? That is the question. What
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: is the answer. So he is going to do what
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: Lane Kiffen always does. He's going to pack up the
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: suitcase and fire up the Hobo Express and many mana
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: many mane may This is not a hard decision. Lane
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: Kiffen was born to wonder. He's in a football family.
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: Monte Kiffen, the old the late coach, his dad football lifer,
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: and Lane Kiffin inherited that it's the family business. He's
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: a football carpetbagger, an opportunist, a traveling pigskin salesman. Most
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: of these college coaches, if they're any good, they're like
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: modern day snake oil hustlers.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: They're snake oil husters.
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: They show up, crank up the hype machine, grab the bag,
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: and yodel out of town before the paint trials. Seven years,
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: ninety million dollars is the report that LSU has offered
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: their head coach their next head coach. They hope Lane Kiffin.
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: Keep in mind, they're gonna pay Brian Kelly the payout.
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: They got a lot of payout money they're paying, and
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: now they want this guy ninety million dollars plus twenty
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: five million dollars salary cap in nil money every year.
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: So what's he gonna do. You don't reject a winning
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: lottery ticket. You hop to the lottery office and you say, okay,
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: let's cash this thing, and you wave goodbye to Mississippi.
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: You say bye bye, We'll be back to see you
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: in a little bit. And old miss was never ever
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: going to be the final destination. The last supper for
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: Lane kifvin Oxford, Mississippi is essentially a BUCkies on the
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: coaching road trip map. I think Kiffin will go to
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: Baton Rouge or somewhere like it. Would go with Baton Ruge,
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: win some games, and in four years from now he'll
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: be on the sidelines deciding whether or not he wants
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: to leave to go back to USC again or coach
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: dot Dallas Gabbars. You see Lane Kiffin if he were
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: a stock, high volatility, high volatility, good.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: For day trading only. Now.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: The only thing that worries me, and this is I
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: have no skin in the game. I'm not an old
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: miss fan. I'm not like numb nuts. Brian Finley, fer
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: Dog's friend, I'm not like him. He's a huge old
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: Miss fan. Family goes there, Family's been there. I'm not
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: like that. I'm not certainly not an LSU fan. Although
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: I've dealt with some people in Baton Rouge. The great
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: Dale Brown, the LSU's basketball coach, did some shows for
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: Fox Sports Radio, and Chris Landry, the Fox football scout
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: at one point lived in Baton Rouge and whatnot. So
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: I have no skin in the game on that the
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: only thing that does concern me. The internet has been
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: buzzing here that the reason LSU is able to come
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: up with this kind of money, it is all the
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: brain child behind the guy who created raising Canes who's
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: a huge fan of LSU football. His money is involved.
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: Is it true? If indeed, if indeed the person behind
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: the person behind the raising cans chicken fingers has cut
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: a cartoon sized check in order to get Lane Kiffen
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: to baton Rouge.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: And it's that money.
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: If this goes the way it could, where the canniac
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: combo now goes for thirty.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: Five dollars, I'm out.
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: I am not financing LSU's defensive line push because I
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: want some crinckled cut fries and some Texas toast. No,
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: this is how college football works.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: Though.
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: You buy a coach, you buy a roster, and you pray,
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: you pray in the transfer portal. That is what this
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: is right, that Lane Kifvin's already halfway to baton Rouge
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: as we talk here early on this twenty second day
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: of November. And this is subject to change based on
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: what I know. Lane Kifven just hasn't officially gassed up
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: the old U haul. And he's coaching like like you know,
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: he's coaching like it's coaching like he doesn't have a home.
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: He's a mentioned vagabond. Most of these big time coaches
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: don't have hometowns. They have zip codes with forwarding addresses.
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: It's all about the zip code. You don't even know
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: what zip code you're in.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: You have no ID.
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: You just on the move, on the move again, you
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: have no idea. You don't put down roots. There's no roots.
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: You do not put down roots. Absolutely not no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, what.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: Are you talking about? Put down roots? No? Never. Lane
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: Kiffin is LSU.
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: Bound, baby LSU bound, And don't get too comfortable. That
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: won't last. It certainly won't be his last stop, right,
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: it will not be his last stop. He'll end up
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: somewhere else. And you know whether that is you know,
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: a couple of years we said, coaching USC or the Dallas.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: Cowboys or whoever. He will be be somewhere else.
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: All right, now, the final part of this, I got
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: several emails from people upset that I was not on
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: the radio Friday night into Saturday because of the news
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: out that the Lakers, who have been purchased by the
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: Dodgers owner, they whacked a couple of the bus kids,
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: not Genie, but a couple of the other bus kids.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: They whacked them.
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: And now they brought in some Dodger executives as consultants.
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: So that's the stories. Several of our guys in so
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: Cow were like, I wondered what your take would be
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: on this. So the question is how do the Lakers
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: start operating more like the Dodgers?
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: More like the Dodgers here, Well, they've decided to bring
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: in Dodger executives far Han Zaedi, who was the general
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: manager of the Giants, Andrew Friedman, the longtime Dodger executive.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: They're doing this to start consulting on the Dodger Way.
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: They want to bring the Lakers up to speed like
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: the Dodgers. Zaedi is serving as the new right hand
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: man for Mark Walter, his representative in the transition process.
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: So digging a little deeper, you got the dog your
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: executives with Andrew Friedman far Han z Aedi helping consult
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: the Lakers. Is this a good idea or a bad idea?
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: So my first thought is what are we doing here? Like?
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: What are we doing?
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: This is sports cross pollination gone nuclear. The Dodger Way,
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: while it has been so successful, does not apply to
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: the NBA on any level. It's like taking a pineapple expert,
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: someone who has studied the pineapple and knows the point
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: to pick the pineapple off the tree because it's so
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: juicy and it's so wonderful. It's a real pineapple expert.
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: And you take that person and you say, hey, can
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: you go run the grape division? Well, no, I'm the
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: pineapple person. I'm not the grape person. But we want
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: you to run the grape division. But I know, but
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: I've spent my life becoming a pineapple expert. I don't
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: know anything about Well, it doesn't matter. We want you
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: because you're so good at pineapple, we want.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: You to do grapes.
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: It's a different sport Lakers to Dodgers, obviously, different system,
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: different economy, different clock, all of that.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Baseball is a marathon.
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: Basketball, in comparison, plays half about half as many games.
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: Baseball is a is a marathon. Basketball is a sprint,
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: and the salary cap much different. The draft value minor leagues.
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: There's no real minor league in basketball. The G league
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: doesn't really count. The roster turnover is not the same.
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: Nothing overlaps nothing. It's like taking a carpenter and sticking
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: him at Google headquarters and asking him to code.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: You're really really.
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: Good, like just Josh and Cincinnati at redoing kitchens, like
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: Josh is amazing. I've seen some of these photos just
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: Josh post and like that guy's an artisan. Just Josh
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: is an artist of redoing kitchenes the guys great. That
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: doesn't mean I want him at Google getting him to code.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: I don't know that that crosses over. I would say
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: it does.
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: Not say hey, hey, just Josh, here's your mouse and
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: a keyboard, big fella go nuts. Well, no, I would
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: rather have a toolbox with some hammers and I'd like
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: to have some saws in it. And I'd like, no, well,
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: we didn't. We don't want that. We want you to
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: do the code. But I'm not a code person. It's
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: the consultants for the sake of consultantc thing.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: It's corporate bureaucracy at its peak.
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: And let's have a let's have a meeting to schedule
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: a meeting about future meetings. Who says, no, it'll hurt
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: both teams. The Dodgers are finally, finally in the middle
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: of this dynasty. It looked like they were going to
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: go the wrong direction after they lost in twenty seventeen
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: and again in twenty eighteen.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: Although both the those teams they lost too cheated.
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: But the Dodgers now have turned this into essentially cookie cutter.
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: They have the depth, they have the data, they have
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: the durability, they have the flexibility of deferred contracts. The Lakers,
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: they don't even need the help. It's a rigged deal.
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: It's a rigged operation. If the Lakers ever get too bad,
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: the NBA delivers them stars like Door Dash Shaq, Paw Gasol,
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: the Luka Doncik gift wrapped trade from the Mavericks for
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: some broken glass.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: All of that, all of that.
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: The league has been a concierge, a bell hop like
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: Joey the bellman for the Lakers for forty years. And
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: if this new owner, Mark Walter, who's the Dodger guy,
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: if he wants to feel smart by calling in the
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: Dodger Way, congratulations, you just created sports bureacra. See jazz.
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: There's no rhythm. There's no reason, there's no rhyme or reason.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: You don't get cross sports expertise. It doesn't happen. The
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: Colorado Rockies are trying to do it. They hired a
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: guy that was a baseball guy who became a football
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: guy and now is a baseball guy by again, baseball
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: guy again, It's like, what are you doing? So is
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: this a good idea? Hell to the no, Hell to
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: the no. It's specialization malpractice. And that's the thing there,
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: there's no one size fits all in sports. You dilute
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: the Dodgers, well, who cares Andrew Freeman even consulting? This
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: is the time you turn the players over and Andrew Freeman.
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: Last year he did not have this, and he still
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: added some really terrible contracts, including for the year. It
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: turned out long term not to be a problem. Michael
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: Conforto and the single worst Dodger closer they've ever had,
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: was a big addition the Dodgers made last season in
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: the offseason. But this is the time you fix your
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: roster and all that stuff. Also, I checked the NBA bylaws.
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: I don't believe you are allowed to defer the amount
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: of money the Dodgers deferred for Otani and all of
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: these other big additions they've made recently, So that would
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: be a problem. You can't take that to the NBA.
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: So congratulations though, to the new Lakers owner there. Who's
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: the Dodgers owner? You just stepped on two rakes at once. Congratulations.
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: So you dilute the Dodgers a little bit, and you
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: don't really fix the Lakers, who again don't need to
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: be fixed.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: We'll get out on that.
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: On that note, have a wonderful rest of your Saturday
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: here and the mail bag tomorrow. Danny g should be
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: with me on the mail bag and we'll answer your questions.
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: You can email the.
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: Mail bag at Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com,
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com and keep it
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: a little open ended, whether it gets in the mail
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: bag tomorrow or or the following week, which I think
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: will be our last November show.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: I believe that's right.
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: I don't know how many days are in November, but a
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: week from tomorrow it'll be November thirtieth, I believe.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: I think that's accurate. I believe that would be accurate.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: I don't have the calendar in front of me anyway.
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: I have a great college football Saturday at USC and
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: Notre Dame today.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: I'm old school. I'm old school.
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: I'll check that out and some of the other nonsense.
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: We'll talk to you next time later, skater my Folacia