Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #901 This Week in Parenting: Bluey, Influencers & Dad Brains

Transcript

#901 This Week in Parenting: Bluey, Influencers & Dad Brains · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast.
0:05
Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
0:09
Speaker 2: on answers.
0:10
Speaker 1: Now, there are only twenty days left, twenty days until
0:14
Speaker 1: Christmas Eve. Welcome to a Happy Family Podcast. We are
0:17
Speaker 1: so excited to share this Christmas season with you on
0:21
Speaker 1: the podcast. Once a month or thereabouts, we do an
0:25
Speaker 1: episode called this Week in Parenting. This Month in Parenting
0:33
Speaker 1: would probably make more sense because well, there's a lot
0:36
Speaker 1: of parenting news and we don't get to it as
0:38
Speaker 1: often as we should. But Kylie, five stories, five stories
0:42
Speaker 1: for us to go through today. That is a whole
0:45
Speaker 1: lot of content to work through. We're going to move
0:48
Speaker 1: through it fairly quickly. Brand new story in the newspapers
0:50
Speaker 1: just in the last couple of days, The hidden epidemic
0:53
Speaker 1: jeopardizing a generation of children. Now, I'm giving you this
0:56
Speaker 1: question without notice. You don't know what we're talking about
0:58
Speaker 1: for this Week in Parenting at this point. What would
1:01
Speaker 1: you imagine that the hidden epidemic jeopardizing a generation of
1:04
Speaker 1: Australian children might be.
1:05
Speaker 2: It's going to be screens.
1:07
Speaker 1: It's not screens, but it does start with sc school.
1:12
Speaker 2: School.
1:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, at school. In the two years since the first
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Speaker 1: waves of lockdowns, closed schools across the country. Some students
1:17
Speaker 1: have missed fifty percent of their classes. A generation of
1:21
Speaker 1: school children are paralyzed by social anxiety, and they're at
1:24
Speaker 1: risk of being left behind, experts have warned as a
1:26
Speaker 1: number of students skipping school grows. Now. I know that
1:29
Speaker 1: almost everybody has pretty much finished school for the year now,
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Speaker 1: but as we head into twenty twenty four after the break,
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Speaker 1: there are going to be a whole lot of parents
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Speaker 1: who are saying, what in the world we're supposed to
1:39
Speaker 1: do with our kids struggling to get them to school?
1:42
Speaker 1: What are we going to do about school anxiety or
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Speaker 1: school can't school refusal as it's also known, And it
1:49
Speaker 1: seems that experts are really really worried about this. We
1:52
Speaker 1: have been experimenting with homeschooling as a result of some
1:55
Speaker 1: of these challenges ourselves.
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Speaker 2: I think this is calling for a systemic change to
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Speaker 2: the way we do education. This is not just a
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Speaker 2: handful of kids who have been labeled too soft to
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Speaker 2: deal with the challenges of day to day schooling.
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Speaker 1: Here's what I think is going on. Honestly, this is
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Speaker 1: what I think. Kids today are more supervised than ever before,
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Speaker 1: the more scrutinized than ever before. The expectations are higher
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Speaker 1: than ever before. We're seeing perfectionism and anxiety rise like
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Speaker 1: never before. Social media in the way that children are
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Speaker 1: feeling like their lives are under the microscope. All of
2:28
Speaker 1: these things are combining to make life increasingly challenging in
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Speaker 1: an environment that's already so difficult. I think that early
2:37
Speaker 1: next year, when we kick off the podcast again after
2:40
Speaker 1: our Christmas break, we need to do a couple of
2:42
Speaker 1: episodes about school can't, school refusal and what parents can
2:45
Speaker 1: do to support their kids. Big news story.
2:48
Speaker 2: When I was doing my studies too many years ago now,
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Speaker 2: a poem was shared around the classroom. I think it
2:56
Speaker 2: was called the Red Rose, but don't quote me. And
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Speaker 2: it was just this convert sation piece around the fact
3:02
Speaker 2: that a student went into a class and she was
3:05
Speaker 2: with a teacher, and the teacher gave her a red
3:07
Speaker 2: crayon and a green crayon and told her how to
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Speaker 2: draw a flower, and so the whole class did it.
3:14
Speaker 2: And each time art came around, it was the same scenario.
3:18
Speaker 2: This is what we're drawing, this is how you do it,
3:20
Speaker 2: and here's the colors that you need. And the next year,
3:23
Speaker 2: she went into a new classroom and she was given
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Speaker 2: a palette, a rainbow of colors and a piece of
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Speaker 2: paper and told to draw what she wants. And the
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Speaker 2: deep sadness in the story is that she drew a
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Speaker 2: red rose with red and green and the fact that
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Speaker 2: our children don't have the scope to actually utilize these
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Speaker 2: amazing brains that they have to learn in the way
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Speaker 2: that works for them. The school structure just is so
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Speaker 2: we have this conversation about kids are taught how to
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Speaker 2: take tests, not so much how to learn. It's all
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Speaker 2: about a process to get them from A to B,
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Speaker 2: as opposed to allowing them to recognize that maybe they
4:05
Speaker 2: don't want to be at B, maybe they want.
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Speaker 1: To be at D or E or F.
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Speaker 2: There's so many there's so many No, no, I'm not
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Speaker 2: talking about grading. The acknowledgment that there's so many different
4:15
Speaker 2: ways to do it. But we want to box our
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Speaker 2: kids in and say there's only one way, and if
4:19
Speaker 2: your kid does not fall into that, then it's so hard.
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Speaker 1: The problem is only growing. That is story number one.
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Speaker 1: School refusal, school can't school anxiety continues to rise. I
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Speaker 1: don't think it's going to be any different next year.
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Speaker 1: In fact, I'm in the process of building a new
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Speaker 1: presentation to share about mental health challenges in our kids,
4:38
Speaker 1: because I think this is going to be the big
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Speaker 1: topic for next year. Story number two, you kill them.
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Speaker 1: This is one of those that gets under my skin
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Speaker 1: and makes me want to explode. It's one of those
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Speaker 1: provocations that gets me every time. But I'm going to
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Speaker 1: try and be calm as i share this with you.
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Speaker 1: This was in the Townsville Bullets. A mum has shared
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Speaker 1: a controversial parenting technique She uses a Christmas if her
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Speaker 1: children misbehave at becoming co shares family life and parenting
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Speaker 1: videos on her TikTok challenge. What is the deal with
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Speaker 1: all these TikTokers who have no idea about parenting, who
5:14
Speaker 1: think that they should set up a channel and tell
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Speaker 1: everybody how to do this? This is what she's doing.
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Speaker 1: In one video, the mum shared a video of her
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Speaker 1: young daughter opening a Christmas stocking on Christmas morning. The
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Speaker 1: child pulled out an array of gifts from the stocking
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Speaker 1: before reaching her hand at the bottom and pulling out
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Speaker 1: three small lumps of coal. Looking disappointed, the small girl
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Speaker 1: reached into the stocking and pulled out another handful of coal.
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Speaker 1: A caption for the video reads, controversial parenting. When I
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Speaker 1: want my daughter, she's going to get coal on her
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Speaker 1: stocking if she doesn't act better. Santa follows through loll
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Speaker 1: and I'm just going to say, straight out of the gate,
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Speaker 1: that sucks. That is crappy parenting. I'm not usually into
5:51
Speaker 1: parent shaming, but a parent who dumps that on their
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Speaker 1: kids at Christmas, I'm sorry, crappy parenting.
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Speaker 2: Well, I'm guessing there won't be any coal under our
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Speaker 2: Christmas this year.
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Speaker 1: If there is, I'm going to accuse you of not
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Speaker 1: being a nice wife. In the video, the mother can
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Speaker 1: be heard laughing as she says, did you get a
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Speaker 1: little bit of coal? However, the little girl doesn't seem
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Speaker 1: to mind the gift too much. Is she says, that's okay.
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Speaker 1: I just think this is one of those things where,
6:17
Speaker 1: having been through what we've been through this year, particularly
6:21
Speaker 1: in relation to our nephew Logan and his devastating death,
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Speaker 1: the last thing I ever want to do, even if
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Speaker 1: my children are driving me crazy, is whether it's at
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Speaker 1: Christmas or any other time of the year, metaphorical coal
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Speaker 1: to teach them a lesson. The only lesson that.
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Speaker 2: We're going to do that unintentionally because we're human. We're
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Speaker 2: going to get it wrong. We are going to get
6:43
Speaker 2: it wrong. We can't change that. But the things that
6:48
Speaker 2: we can change is when we actually intentionally go about
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Speaker 2: our day in an effort to pull our children down,
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Speaker 2: to discourage them, and to leave them feeling unloved.
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Speaker 1: There is that they're not good enough. There's a Facebook
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Speaker 1: post that I shared just recently. There's a guy called
7:05
Speaker 1: Uri Bronner. Bronfon Brenner was a developmental psychologist, just did
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Speaker 1: so much awesome work for such a long time and
7:13
Speaker 1: is just such a dead set legend when it comes
7:16
Speaker 1: to everything child and developmental related. And I shared this
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Speaker 1: Facebook post just a little while ago, a few weeks ago,
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Speaker 1: something that bronf and Brenner said, and it really struck
7:26
Speaker 1: me as right at the very heart of what I
7:28
Speaker 1: wanted to say when I saw this news story. This
7:31
Speaker 1: is what he said. Every child should spend a substantial
7:34
Speaker 1: amount of time with somebody who's crazy about him or her.
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Speaker 1: There has to be at least one person who has
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Speaker 1: an irrational involvement with that child, someone who thinks that
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Speaker 1: that kid is more important than other people's kids, someone
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Speaker 1: who's in love with him or her, and whom he
7:47
Speaker 1: or she loves in return. The whole idea is that's
7:50
Speaker 1: supposed to be you. That's supposed to be who we
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Speaker 1: are as parents. Our kids are supposed to get unconditionality
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Speaker 1: from us. Conditionality is everywhere around them. We're supposed to
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Speaker 1: be the safe place. And when we start giving them
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Speaker 1: crappy gifts, I just think we undermine everything that's healthy
8:06
Speaker 1: in the world for our children. So that's my second
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Speaker 1: parenting this week in parenting News story story number three. Oh,
8:17
Speaker 1: this is an exciting one. Let's move on to some
8:18
Speaker 1: positive stuff. And it was published in Harvard Business Review.
8:21
Speaker 1: This is parenting in the HBr, which I think is great.
8:24
Speaker 1: There's a brand new study that shows that paternity leave
8:29
Speaker 1: helps dad's brains to adapt to parenting.
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Speaker 2: So this was not something that was on the agenda
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Speaker 2: when we were having children.
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Speaker 1: No, but my paternity leave was not a thing no
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Speaker 1: like at all.
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Speaker 2: But as we've gone into grandparenthood and watched our daughter
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Speaker 2: and her husband go through the whole process of becoming
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Speaker 2: their own little family unit, it's been really beautiful. Singing
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Speaker 2: the time that he was gifted and paternity leave a
9:01
Speaker 2: gift to families to be able to be at home
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Speaker 2: and to just be there. It was amazing. I don't
9:10
Speaker 2: know if all husbands are as amazing as our son
9:12
Speaker 2: in law is, but he literally did everything for my daughter.
9:16
Speaker 2: She was scared about him going back to work because.
9:19
Speaker 1: She was going to have to do it all for herself.
9:21
Speaker 2: But even when he went back to work, he had
9:24
Speaker 2: everything on the kitchen bench ready for her to make breakfast.
9:27
Speaker 2: So he couldn't make it for it because he leaves
9:28
Speaker 2: at four thirty in the morning, but he had all
9:31
Speaker 2: of the spreads, the butter, the bread, the toaster out
9:35
Speaker 2: on the bench ready for her. And what she has
9:37
Speaker 2: found in the very short time she's been a mum
9:40
Speaker 2: is that she has everything cold because as soon as
9:43
Speaker 2: she goes to eat, the baby wants her attention. As
9:46
Speaker 2: soon as she goes to drink, the baby wants her attention.
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Speaker 2: She said, So I've stopped making things hot anymore because
9:51
Speaker 2: i know I'm not going to be able.
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Speaker 1: To eat it hot. Well, I'm pretty impressed with how
9:56
Speaker 1: he's going as well. But here's what I want to
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Speaker 1: read from the HBr. The benefits of paternity life are
10:00
Speaker 1: many research has shown that taking time off work to
10:03
Speaker 1: care for a newborn child is good for father the baby, bonding,
10:06
Speaker 1: for the baby's development, and the parents' relationship with each other.
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Speaker 1: But there's one more huge benefit that we're just now
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Speaker 1: learning about thanks to new data and research, paternal brain training.
10:17
Speaker 1: So there's a whole lot of research out there that
10:19
Speaker 1: says that parenting is not as instinctive as what was
10:23
Speaker 1: previously believed. It is something that is taught. Decades of
10:27
Speaker 1: research has shown that the maternal brain changes with demands
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Speaker 1: of having a small human alive, but new research shows
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Speaker 1: that the paternal brain changes as well. And I just
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Speaker 1: love this research because it shows basically that when dads
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Speaker 1: get engaged experiences with their babies, they become different people.
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Speaker 1: They actually become better people. Their brain changes in positive
10:52
Speaker 1: ways paternally, essentially as a free brain training program. It's
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Speaker 1: like muscle boot camp for their brain.
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Speaker 2: Like, it's just that's if they utilize it for what
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Speaker 2: it's there for, and that that is the challenge. I'm
11:05
Speaker 2: sure there's plenty of moms out there going he was
11:08
Speaker 2: not much help. Yeah, what story numberfore?
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Speaker 1: So there's some brand new news out of blue Land.
11:19
Speaker 1: Everyone loves Blue. Did you know that Bluey is now
11:21
Speaker 1: available as a video game as of well, it's been
11:25
Speaker 1: a few weeks now, seventeenth of November. On Xbox PlayStation
11:29
Speaker 1: and also the Nintendo Switch. You can get Bluey. You
11:32
Speaker 1: can play blue the video game at any time with
11:37
Speaker 1: up to four players at once, so parents and kids
11:40
Speaker 1: can play along like play parenting, play play happy families
11:44
Speaker 1: playing Bluey. I just thought that there was fact.
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Speaker 2: It's actually surprised that you think that this is a
11:56
Speaker 2: great thing. Well, we've just had massive conversations over the
11:59
Speaker 2: last few days about screen usage, and I'm really shocked
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Speaker 2: that this is something that you find exciting.
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Speaker 1: Well, here's what we know about screen usage when when
12:09
Speaker 1: we're playing games. We know that playing games can be
12:11
Speaker 1: great socially, but also I know that can be great
12:14
Speaker 1: from a cognitive point of view if we're playing the
12:16
Speaker 1: right games in the right way. And based on everything
12:18
Speaker 1: that we know about how incredibly connected with developmental goodness
12:23
Speaker 1: blue Y is. I've just got a feeling that blue
12:25
Speaker 1: the video game is probably going to be really great
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Speaker 1: for families to play the game, to go to the beach,
12:30
Speaker 1: or to go and dance, or go in order take away.
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Speaker 1: I just think this would be if there was a
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Speaker 1: video game worth buying, this would be the one that
12:37
Speaker 1: I'd buy.
12:38
Speaker 2: But this becomes a segue right into video gaming in general.
12:42
Speaker 1: It's the gateway, It's the gateway game, It's the gateway drug.
12:45
Speaker 2: Don't say that, but there's just an acknowledgment. Obviously, Bluey
12:50
Speaker 2: is catering for a very young audience, which means that
12:55
Speaker 2: this leads into younger kids becoming engaged in this kind
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Speaker 2: of behavior, and it's got to have a flow on effect.
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Speaker 2: So I'm not as excited about it as you you are.
13:06
Speaker 1: In The Guardian, it says, considering the success of Ludos
13:09
Speaker 1: Studio's creation, a video game adaptation was inevitable. Getting that
13:13
Speaker 1: right would mean trying to make something primarily for youngsters
13:15
Speaker 1: that was also a game about parenting, and so they've
13:18
Speaker 1: worked together to pull that out and make it happen,
13:21
Speaker 1: and it looks like they've done a pretty good job
13:24
Speaker 1: of it. From the reviews that I've read, it seems
13:25
Speaker 1: like people actually really really like it. And during number five, Okay,
13:30
Speaker 1: very very quickly, As you said, we've talked about screens
13:32
Speaker 1: quite a lot recently. We've also talked about the parenting
13:37
Speaker 1: influencer who is leaving coal in kids stockings. The thing
13:41
Speaker 1: that worries me about that story is this research that
13:43
Speaker 1: I'm about to share with you Parenting in the news
13:45
Speaker 1: from the University of Michigan, four and five parents turned
13:48
Speaker 1: to social media for pairing advice. According to a brand
13:51
Speaker 1: new whole potty training, getting kids to sleep in total
13:54
Speaker 1: of tantrums just some of the challenges parents of young
13:56
Speaker 1: children face, and four and five parents in a new
13:59
Speaker 1: national polls go to the same place to discuss such
14:01
Speaker 1: parenting issues, social media. Nearly half parents rate social media
14:07
Speaker 1: as very useful for getting new ideas to try. That's
14:14
Speaker 1: all I'm saying. I just hope that they're visiting places
14:16
Speaker 1: like doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families on Facebook, Instagram, or
14:19
Speaker 1: TikTok and not whatever that other one was with lumps
14:21
Speaker 1: of cold showing up. That's the latest parenting news for
14:25
Speaker 1: this week. In parenting Well, in.
14:27
Speaker 2: Case people think we don't have a funny bone, we've
14:30
Speaker 2: definitely been consumers of bad parenting reels that have us
14:36
Speaker 2: in stitches. But when we think about our own families
14:42
Speaker 2: and how to make them happier, my suggestion is that
14:45
Speaker 2: there's probably some better places we can receive parenting help
14:48
Speaker 2: and information from.
14:49
Speaker 1: What a great segue to Happy Families dot com dot au,
14:52
Speaker 1: which is where you can go to find out how
14:53
Speaker 1: to make your family happy. Hey, thanks so much for
14:55
Speaker 1: listening to the Happy Families Podcast. Really excited about the
14:59
Speaker 1: other things that we've got coming up throughout this week.
15:01
Speaker 1: This week on the podcast, please stay tuned. Tomorrow, we're
15:04
Speaker 1: going to count down our top five episodes for the year.
15:07
Speaker 1: We're going to tell you what people listened to and why,
15:10
Speaker 1: and share snippets from those top five episodes to make
15:12
Speaker 1: your family happier. On Wednesday, brand new stuff that needs
15:17
Speaker 1: to be shared about what can make summer sizzle for
15:20
Speaker 1: you and your family and all the best ways. On Thursday,
15:23
Speaker 1: we're talking about the best books we've read this year.
15:25
Speaker 1: It's our monthly book club and we're going to count
15:28
Speaker 1: down our favorite books of the year. Maybe give you
15:30
Speaker 1: some last minute stocking stuffer ideas. Oh and next week
15:34
Speaker 1: we're going to dive into some Christmas conundrums and talk
15:37
Speaker 1: about our learnings, what's gone well, what hasn't, and what
15:40
Speaker 1: we can do better in the new year. Can't wait
15:42
Speaker 1: for you to join us on the Happy Families podcasts
15:44
Speaker 1: tomorrow