Latest / STRONG / FSY Oct. Week 3: Am I Damaged if I Made Mistakes? (feat. Carmen Rasmussen)

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FSY Oct. Week 3: Am I Damaged if I Made Mistakes? (feat. Carmen Rasmussen) · STRONG

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_09: Welcome to Strong, where we follow the For the Strength of Youth curriculum to help you get a little closer to Jesus Christ and a little more ready for what's ahead.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_09: Your temple, your mission, and the life that you're building.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_09: I'm Kirby Hayborn.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_09: This week, your young women class and ironic priesthood quorums are looking at topic 10 from For the Strength of Youth: Your Body is Sacred, specifically the law of chastity.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_09: The FSY pamphlet tells us plainly what the law of chastity is.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_09: And it says The Law of Chastity states that God approves of sexual activity only between a man and a woman who are married.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_09: So that is the law of chastity.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_09: The law of chastity is about trust and loyalty, creation, and being a covenant family.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_09: Being chaste includes avoiding pornography and treating sex and sexual feelings like a sacred gift from God.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_09: Because they are.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_09: It means being sexually pure in thoughts, words, actions, and media choices.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_09: One big question underneath this whole month, and it is, how is living the law of chastity and the word of wisdom blessing you right now?
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_09: I'd love for you to think about that.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_09: Let me tell you a story.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_09: A few years ago, I walked into an audition in Los Angeles for a rock musical.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_09: It was in this big, well-known theater.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_09: But at an audition, there were only three people in the audience.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_09: There's the director, there was the writer, and then there was an assistant of some sort.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_09: Now, when it was my turn, I walked up on the stage with my guitar because it's a rock musical.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_09: So before I did anything, the director asked me one question.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_09: He said, Do you want to read the scene first, like act out the scene, or do you want to sing first?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_09: And I said, honestly, kind of cocky, I said, Oh, since this is a musical, you probably want to hear me sing first, right?
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_09: Like letting them know, oh, I can sing.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_09: The only reason why I'm here is because I know how to sing.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_09: That was the last confident thing I did in that room.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_09: I lost the lyrics halfway through the first verse, completely gone.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_09: My hands couldn't find the right chords on the guitar, and I was singing the wrong melody.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_09: And it was right after I had just said so confidently, oh, you probably want to hear me sing, right?
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_09: That's what this whole audition is about.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_09: I finished that song completely off the rails.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_09: They thanked me.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_09: Oh, thank you so much for coming in.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_09: And I knew, I could tell.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_09: They were already looking down at the next person.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_09: And here I was, so embarrassed, uh, felt like a failure.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_09: Uh they this is the worst part.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_09: They never even asked me to do the scene.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_09: So I wonder now, had I done the scene first, would they have said, oh, okay, we'll be more forgiving if he messes up the song?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_09: But no, so confidently, I'm gonna sing for you guys.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_09: Didn't even ask me to do the scene.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_09: I had to walk off that stage down the aisle past every empty seat in that theater, all the way to the door in the back.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_09: That's a long walk when there are three people waiting for you to leave and they're watching you walk this whole way.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_09: Well, here's what I thought about since the confidence that I walked in with wasn't built on anything.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_09: I knew I could play the guitar, I knew I could sing, I knew that I could nail the audition scene, but guess what?
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_09: I didn't put in the work to really know the song.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_09: I just thought I could just get up and do it because I can sing, I can play guitar, but I didn't put in the work.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_09: There's a real kind of confidence, and there's a performed kind.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_09: Today we're gonna talk about where the real kind of confidence actually comes from.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_09: Here's the thing: there's something about the law of chastity that honestly brings me real joy and a real love for Heavenly Father.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_09: He doesn't just hand us a rule to keep, he attaches a blessing to it.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_09: Section 121 of the Doctrine and Covenants says it beautifully.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_09: It says, Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly, and then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_09: That's the word.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_09: The word confidence.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_09: That's the blessing.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_09: Preach my gospel.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_09: It says it just as plainly.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_09: It says, God has given us the law of chastity to bless us.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_09: And as we live the law of chastity, we will grow in our confidence before God.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_09: There's that word again.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_09: And my favorite is from the FSY pamphlet.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_09: Living the law of chastity brings God's approval and personal spiritual power.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_09: Listen to this.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_09: Your confidence will grow as you live as a disciple of Jesus Christ.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_09: President Nelson taught this same truth in general conference not long before he passed.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_09: He built an entire message around this one verse.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_09: He said, There's the key in the Lord's own words.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_09: Charity and virtue open the way to having confidence before God.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_09: That's the kind of confidence that I wish that I had when I was walking off that stage.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_09: Now, as a bishop, I have seen a direct connection to obeying the law of chastity and someone's confidence.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_09: And I've seen my own confidence increase when I obey the law of chastity.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_09: And it's confidence with others, confidence with God, and most importantly, confidence with myself.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_09: Now I want you to hear from somebody who's had to learn exactly where her worth comes from.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_09: I'm here with my dear friend and America's sweetheart.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_09: She really is, Carmen Rasmussen Herbert.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_09: Some of you know her from American Idol.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_09: She was recently released from serving as a young women's president in her ward, and she's raising four boys.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_04: Carmen, welcome.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_04: Kirby, thank you so much for having me.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_09: I'm so glad you're here.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_04: I'm so excited to be here.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_04: This is awesome.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_09: We're going to be talking about some amazing, important stuff today.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_09: And when I was thinking of who would be able to speak to this, it was you.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_09: Um, we've been friends for a while.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_09: Yeah.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_09: You've been an amazing young women's president, and you've been such an example to the whole wide world.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, thanks, Kirby.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know about that.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_04: It was a crazy experience.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_04: It really was.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_09: We'll get into it in a second.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_09: Because I want to hear all about that.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_09: Okay.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_09: So as a as a mom, as a former young women's president, and you you were a national celebrity, what do you wish that every teenager understood about where their worth actually comes from?
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_04: Oh man.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_04: I, if I could look each of you in the eye and just like hold your face in my hands, I would say your worth is in no way tied to your accomplishments.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_04: Your heavenly father said, remember, the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_04: And it's not is sometimes great, or some of you have great worth.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_04: Everyone has great worth that does not change based on your actions or circumstances.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_04: You are wholly loved.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_09: I love that.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_09: Ooh, with a W and an H.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_09: Yes.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_09: Holy loved both.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_09: I'm gonna steal that, Carmen.
• 8:04
  unknown: I love that.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_09: Thank you.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_09: Carmen knows exactly what it's like to have her worth judged by a panel of strangers live in front of the whole country.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_09: We're gonna get into that story later this episode.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_09: But before we get into that story, we're gonna test something else first.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_09: We're gonna have some fun.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_09: Carmen's used to be the one being judged.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_09: Today, she might be able to throw some stuff.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_09: Let's do it.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_09: Okay.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_09: All right, Carmen.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_09: We are going to build those classic cup towers.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_09: We've seen them, right?
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_03: The minute to win it once.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, absolutely.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_09: We're going to do that, and whoever builds the biggest tower wins.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_09: But to make it more interesting, we have a timer here.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_09: Every eight seconds, it's gonna go off.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_09: We have to stop.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_09: Hands off.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_09: We'll each get a turn to draw one of these.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_09: Underneath here are the words of what these things are.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_09: So we got toilet paper, we got a stuffed animal, we got string cheese, we got fun stuff.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_09: Okay.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_09: Are you ready?
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_05: Three, two, one, get out of here, go.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_10: We stick together a lot more than goodness.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_10: Okay, alright.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_05: There's no this you have one.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_05: What are you even trying to do?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_05: We have them falling on each other.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_10: Okay, okay, you draw a card for me over here.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_05: I will draw a card.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_10: So this is what I get to do to your temper.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_05: And it is what is it?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_05: Tennis bummer.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_10: Okay.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_10: So I'll back up a little bit.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_10: Dang.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_05: Miss it.
• 9:35
  unknown: No.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_10: Now I'm gonna draw mine.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_10: And you can destroy.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_10: So this one stays there.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_03: This one stays here.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_10: Okay, I'm gonna come up here.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_10: You get to throw one bazole leaf.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_10: So pick one.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_05: The biggest one.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_10: Uh okay.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_10: Alright.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_10: Yes! Okay.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_10: It doesn't matter because I'm gonna go.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_10: Alright, we're gonna go again.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_05: Three, two, one, go.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_10: Why do you do it so fast?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_05: Because we have four boys and we do this all day.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_10: Oh my goodness.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_10: Okay, look at this.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_10: Super strong.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_10: This time I'm gonna draw first.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, you drop first.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_10: This one is favorable.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_10: Okay.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_05: Perfect.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_05: Amazing.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_05: And that's what I do, right?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_05: Oh wait, no, you are so excited!
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_10: Maybe it's just one little I'm just gonna let it roll.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_05: I'm just gonna let it roll.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_05: That's pretty good.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_05: That was really good.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_10: That was really good.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_10: Okay, okay.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_05: Cheese stick.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_05: Close your eyes and do it from the shoulders.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_10: I'm just gonna do it over my shoulder.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, good.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_10: How did I do?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_07: I'll do a big clap too.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_05: Good job.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_05: Awesome, Kirby.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_10: Carmen, I I think you won.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_10: You won't.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_05: I think I did too.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_10: Well, I learned that you're really good at stacking cups.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_10: What did you learn?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_04: I learned that, man, I was really nervous about what you were gonna pick.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_04: Like, what's gonna destroy my tower?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_04: I was really hoping that it would just be like the basil leaves and the tissues, but those loud claps and hot breaths.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_10: Let's go talk about it.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_04: Let's do it.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_09: Now Carmen and I just show that it's important to guard against whatever comes our way.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_09: There's an account in Genesis about a young man, and his name is Joseph.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_09: Everybody knows Joseph.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_09: He's that Joseph.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_09: He was working in the house of a powerful man named Potiphar, and Potiphar's wife kept pressuring him towards something that he knew was wrong.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_09: He didn't negotiate with it.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_09: He didn't test what's the line?
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_09: How close can I get to the line?
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_09: He ran.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_09: Carmen, he ran.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_09: And I love it.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_09: His coat in her hand, right?
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_09: And then he just ran straight out of there.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_09: Now let's talk about where we find our worth.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_09: I had my own smaller version of others deciding my worth.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_09: A few people in a theater deciding if I could sing, but Carmen, you've had judges, a whole country, millions of people judging you.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_09: And telling you whether you were good enough.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_09: Talk to me about that.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_04: Oh man.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_04: Well, first of all, I love that.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_04: Joseph is one of my very favorite stories.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_04: I was in Joseph at Kingsbury Hall with Donnie Osmond.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_04: When I was 12 years old.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_04: And that story and the lessons came to life for me then.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_04: So I love that story.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_04: And I love that you talked about him running from something and being protected.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_04: And I definitely felt protection when I was on American Idol.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_04: I was 17 years old.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_04: I was a senior at Woods Cross High.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_04: And I loved singing my whole life.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_04: Imagine being told, you are so amazing at this one thing.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_04: You should try to be famous.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_04: You should try to make a career out of this because you're so good.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_04: And only receiving positive feedback, maybe a little criticism of how to be better, but mostly for sure.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_04: But mostly really positive good things about something that you love.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_04: And when I was growing up, that one thing was my voice.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_04: I loved singing more than anything.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_04: I love the feeling of being on stage for sure.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_04: I loved singing, but I loved the collective feeling that you get to share with the audience when you're in this moment together, like all feeling the beautiful words of music.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_04: I think music has a way of connecting us and healing us.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_09: It's the greatest way.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_04: It's the greatest.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_09: It transcends languages.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_04: It absolutely does.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_04: And to be the person that gets to set the stage for people to feel emotions and experience joy is incredible.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_04: So when I had the opportunity to be on American Idol, I was so excited that I got to do that on the biggest stage.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_04: American Idol was the number one show in the country.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_04: It was the biggest.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_04: So I get out there and I was cut first and then got called back to be on the wildcard show and received kind of mixed reviews from the judges.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_04: And then the second show in, I realized, oh, the judges are not going to be easy on me.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_04: Like, and I knew it was a TV show.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_04: And I knew they were going to be difficult.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_04: But hearing that, the one thing I loved about myself and honestly where I placed my worth, my voice, my singing was actually bad.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_04: It's not good enough.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_04: You sound terrible.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_04: You're like a clown at a child's birthday party.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_04: And if I was the mother of that child, I'd tell the clown to shut up.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_09: You remember.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_04: I remember it's rained in my brain.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_04: So mean.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_04: So mean.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_04: But more than that, I knew the judges were doing their job.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_04: I knew that they were trying.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_04: In fact, after the show was over, they said, We tried to get you to cry because it makes great TV.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_04: We tried to get you to break and you have tough skin.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_04: Attacking you.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_04: On purpose, because it makes great TV when you sob and you break down.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my goodness.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_04: But more than the judges' comments was the chat rooms.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_04: There was no Facebook, Instagram, social media.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_04: It was MySpace, do you remember?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_09: Okay, yes, yes.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_04: And so, but people would go in chat rooms and just pick us apart.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_09: So then a chat room so people understand, kids don't understand what that is now.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_09: That's like what you would do in the comments on Instagram.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_09: A comment section.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_09: A comment section.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_04: It's a comment section.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_04: And so people would post the video online and then you'd go into a chat room, American Idols Live or whatever, and people would, what did you think of Carmen's hair, her dress?
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_04: And just not only my voice, but how I looked, how I presented myself, what I was wearing, my heels, my makeup.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_04: And as a 17-year-old to just hear, wait, you're not good, you're ugly, you're bad, we don't like you.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_04: How did she get on that show?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_04: Her mom must have paid them.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_04: I began hearing, I mean, the most hurtful, and then hate mail started coming.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_04: I had death threats in the mail.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_04: And it was like, wait a minute, this is horrible.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_04: So all of that would be enough to just pull you under.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_04: I'm never gonna sing again.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_04: I'm never gonna sing again.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_04: I'm never gonna get on stage again.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_04: However, before I went out to the show, I did something that I felt like gave me this shield of strength.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_04: And I knelt down beside my parents' bed and I said a prayer.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_04: And I capitalized, like the prayer.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_04: This was a transformative moment in my life.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_04: And I remember kneeling by my parents' bed because I had the second opportunity to go on the show after I was cut the first time to come back.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_04: And I said, Heavenly Father, if if I can just make it this time, I promise I will do everything that my mom and my young women leaders and my bishop have taught me.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_04: I will live every standard in the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_04: I and I literally went down a list of here's my commitment and my covenant to you.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_04: I will try to be as much as I can a good example if you will help me.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_04: Cause I knew growing up in bountiful Utah, now living in Los Angeles, California, being in Hollywood, I would need so much help.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't know what to expect.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't know how much the negative criticism and everything would come.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_04: It was like wave after wave of temptation and evil and hurt and criticism.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_04: But when I said that prayer, I felt spiritually the armor of God click into place.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_04: And it was as if I had put on my helmet and my shields and I was ready to go.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_04: So I still felt the darts, I still felt the criticism, but they didn't penetrate.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_04: And after a few weeks, I realized when Simon came up to me, he said, You have really tough skin.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_04: We we tried to get you, and you have tough skin.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_04: And that's when I realized, oh, I my worth is not my voice.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_04: Because if it was, every week I'd be amazing and then I'd be terrible.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_04: I'd be incredible and then I'd and I'd stink.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_04: And if I was basing my worth on that, then I it's it's great one day and then it's terrible the next.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_04: And so I realized, oh, my worth does not change based on how I perform and how I sing.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_04: It's the same, it's constant.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_04: And that is when I first realized who I was and who I wanted to be and what I wanted to stand up for, and and whose I was.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_04: And I I love that quote from Brad Wilcox.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_04: It's not enough to know who you are, but whose you are.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, oh, I am a daughter of God.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_04: What can man do?
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_04: And I know that seems like oh, impossible, but when you truly are living the standards, there's literal protection and power.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_04: And the I would have never known that except to have been placed in such an extreme circumstance.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_09: It was extreme.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_09: And honestly, watching again you I I watched when you were on live and then watching again, you do have a light.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_09: There's no way I think I could have stood up there and and taken those darts.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_03: For sure.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_09: But you were a light.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_09: I and it's so awesome to hear that you had said that prayer.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, yes, special thing.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_04: In fact, my mom got a phone call one day and it was from a lady in the neighborhood, and she said, What is it about your daughter?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_04: Like when she walks out on the stage, it's like a light turns on.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_04: And it was not because I was very good.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_04: If you watch it back on YouTube, you'll see it was I was there some rough performances.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_04: It wasn't because of what I was doing, it was the spirit 100% surrounding me, helping me, protecting me.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_04: Protecting you.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_04: And I love that.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_09: And that light that you exude is so uh attractive, meaning others are drawn to it and want to be around it.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_09: Yeah.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_04: And I was able to then share the values that I represented when I was on the show because people what they'd come up and they'd say, So how come you don't wear those outfits that the other girls are wearing?
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_04: And how come you're not like when we go out to clubs, you don't go?
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_04: And and how come when like everyone was drinking alcohol and it was fine because it's just a cast party.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_04: Anyone can drink.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_04: You've never done that.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_04: How come?
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, Well, and I did.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_04: I my seminary teacher sent me a box of four the strength of youth pamphlets.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, and I passed them out to everyone, and I was like, let's read together.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yes.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_04: There's this is the strength of youth is real.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_04: It's real strength.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_09: And you're living proof of that.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_09: You are just recently released from being a young women's president.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_09: So you spent years with amazing young women.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_09: Yes.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_09: You're also raising four very rambunctious and diverse and amazing boys.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_09: What do you tell your boys on where to find their worth?
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_04: Oh man.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_04: So something that we've tried to do, we have a saying in our house, and it's brothers before others brothers before others.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_09: Oh, I love it.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_04: And it started because they were sometimes mean to each other when we were with friends and other people.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, no, you put your brothers first, brothers before others.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_04: And so when they were younger, we did brother buddies, and each older brother had to take a younger brother.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_04: And be their buddy for the day and help get them cereal, help them brush their teeth, whatever.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_04: And then as they've as they've grown older, it's take your brother with you to get ice cream or take your brother with you to hang out with friends.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_04: And um, and I saw um a text message that mm one of my sons sent his friends with permission.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_04: I'm sharing this.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, good.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_04: With permission.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_04: And um, and she was like, Are you close with your brothers?
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_04: Like, cause some of them are kind of wild and crazy and like, oh, do you even like hanging out with them?
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_04: And he's like, We're so close.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_04: I love my brother.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, Oh, I love that.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_04: That was amazing.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_04: Having them look outside themselves and serve each other has given them confidence and and and and bravery and peace and happiness.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_04: I said, Satan wants you guys to either be obsessed, obsessed with yourself and and and and how you look and what friends you have and how cool you are, or depressed.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_04: Be like, I hate myself.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_04: I don't have any friends, nobody likes me.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_04: So finding that medium of of taking care of yourself enough that you can forget about yourself, yeah, not focusing so much about you and looking outwards, that is where you will find your worth.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_04: I love that.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_04: And happiness.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_04: So looking at serving each other, and it's not always been easy, Kirby.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_04: Brothers before others.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_04: Brothers before others.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_09: Well, how do you then tell them, because we're talking about the law of chastity and how amazing your body is, how do you tell a son to treat their body well and to that it's a sacred thing, that God, it's a gift from God.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_09: How do you how do you teach that to four boys?
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_04: Well, first of all, teaching them that their body is amazing.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_04: And all of the natural instincts and inclinations that you have is solely to be able to get married and start a family and have the beautiful gift of procreation that Heavenly Father has given all of us, it's a good thing.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_04: So first of all, taking shame away.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_04: Take shame out.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_04: Take shame out and being like, you're amazing.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_04: And then, okay, good thoughts, bad thoughts.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_04: We all we also say bored boys are bad boys.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_04: And if you're if you're bored, if you're bored, if you're just lazy on the couch, you're not doing anything, then what thoughts start to enter your mind?
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_04: What temptations do you start thinking about when you're slothful and you're not gonna be able to do that?
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_09: Your household has so many sayings.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_04: We have some I can't say on the podcast too, Kirby.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_04: Are they stitched on pillows?
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_04: I need to stitch around.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_04: I need to do that.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_04: I'll stitch them on their quilt and give them to them when they go away to go.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_09: So you were telling them that and they feel that.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_09: They understand it.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, and and to talk to us.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_04: We have an open open book and we have open door policy.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_04: Like, come talk to us about anything.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_04: You will never be made fun of.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_04: We'll never think you're gross or or different or weird for any thoughts or actions.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_04: But Satan loves to keep people in darkness.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_04: Don't say it.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_04: Don't talk to your parents.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_04: Don't talk to your parents.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_04: That's a weird thing.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_04: What happened?
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_04: Don't say it.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_04: As soon as you shine the light on it, it's like, oh, yeah.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_04: Wait a minute.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_04: Why was I holding on to this for so long?
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_09: That's one of the things as a bishop that I've I encourage kids, talk to your parents.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_09: Yes.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_09: Because that's true.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_09: Satan wants you to keep it in the dark.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_09: The minute the light's on, it's so much better.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_09: And your parents love you so much.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_09: All right, here's a question for you.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_09: Tell me about a time that you chose to obey God and how that made you feel about yourself afterward.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: One time when I was on vacation, I was offered alcohol.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: I had already made the decision beforehand to say no.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I was very proud of myself that I could follow God's teachings.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_01: A time that I have obeyed God and thought it was a super hard choice, but I did it anyway, was as you know, God wants us to gather Israel.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: I had been praying and I received revelation that I should serve a mission.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: Now I have been excelling very well in my sport, and this was a super hard decision for me to make to give up that for 18 months, but I decided to trust in God.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: I made the choice and submitted my papers, and I am so excited to serve the people that you leave for the next 18 months.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_09: Alright, Carmen.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_09: On every episode, we have a real question that's submitted by a real youth, something that maybe they um would be a little afraid to raise their hand and say in class or in their quorum.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_09: And this is the question.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_09: It's what if I've already made mistakes?
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_09: Am I damaged?
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_09: So we talked about this the just briefly that Satan he wants you to believe that the mistakes that you make go into darkness, like stay away, don't open up.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_09: And that makes you unworthy of God's love that you need to hide.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_09: But that's not true.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_04: I this question, first of all, it just pierced my heart.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_04: Um that is the biggest lie that Satan tells is there's something wrong with you.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_04: And he he it first makes it seem so exciting and appealing, and then the minute you give in, he leaves you in the dust.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_04: How could you have done that?
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_04: What is you knew it was wrong?
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_04: What is wrong with you?
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_04: He will never stand by your side.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_06: Right.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_04: So one of my very favorite scriptures is Isaiah 58.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, and it's eight through five.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_10: I love it.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_04: And it's then shalt thou call, and the Lord shall answer thee.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_04: Thou shalt cry and he'll say, Here I am.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_04: And if you read in the verses before, what is making the Lord run when you're crying?
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_04: And it's when you go to him in fasting and prayer, the true order of fast, when you are struggling with something, whether it's to feel forgiven or have the courage to go talk to your bishop about something or tell your parents, or just to feel the love of the savior again.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_04: When you combine fasting and prayer, then when you call, he will say, Here I am.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_04: What do you need me to do?
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_09: He runs to you.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_04: He runs to you.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_04: I love this scripture.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_04: And David A.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_04: Bednar gave an incredible lesson recently, if you go on his Instagram page to the people of Korea, about the atonement and being forgiven and forgetting things that you've done, like letting the Lord take your burden.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm sure a lot of you have heard of the ancient Japanese art where Kitsugi.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_04: Kitsuki, where if something is damaged or broken, that gold that they use to paint and seal it together, it becomes of more worth and value.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_07: It's sought after.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_04: It's sought after.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_04: No one is perfect, no one gets out of this life unscathed, but you are not damaged ever.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_09: Ever.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_09: And that's something that's been so beautiful and humbling sitting across from a young man or a young woman feeling that they're damaged, and seeing them turn to God and use the atonement and have that gold placed in themselves like the kins.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_09: And you don't ever want someone to have to go through something hard where they have to come and talk to their bishop.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_09: But I can say every every youth that I've met with that comes and is comes in fasting and prayer and asking, Am I damaged?
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_09: When we talk and they feel that atonement, I'm so grateful that they had the experience of the atonement, not the experience of what needed them to call upon it, but they're stronger.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_09: Yeah.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_09: That kinsugi makes the dish stronger.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_09: It does.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_09: And it makes it more beautiful.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_09: Yes.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_09: Um, Jesus, he he talks about a story about the prodigal son.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_09: He he went and he did everything that that was wrong against his father and against what he knew was right, but his father loved him and he came back, and that's exactly what happens.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_09: You are not damaged.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_09: Call on the atonement and let it heal you.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_09: Let the gold of the savior be a part of your soul.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_09: Now, this chapter of the First Strength of Youth Guide also speaks to some other real experiences like navigating same-sex attraction or healing after abuse.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_09: Now, those deserve more care and more time than we can give them here.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_09: If either one of those is part of your story, talk with your parents, talk with your bishop, or talk with another trusted adult who can sit with you and help you carry it.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_09: Carmen, thank you so much for being here with me.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_09: I've learned so many things with you.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_09: Um brothers before others.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_09: Yes, bored boys are bad.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_05: Or bad boys.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_05: I like that.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_09: But most importantly, where we get our worth, and it comes from Heavenly Father when we use the atonement.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_09: We're not broken, we're not um a mistake, we're forgiven.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_09: And when we obey the law of chastity or any teaching that God gives us, we have joy and we have confidence.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_09: I would love to sing a song with you.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I would be absolutely singing with you.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_03: Let's do it.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_09: Okay, we're gonna get set up and then we'll sing a song.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_09: Sometimes we feel like we make a mistake and it's something that we can never come back from that we need to hide.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_09: This is a song that's about seeing ourselves the way that God sees us, and he sees us all as beautiful.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_09: We're all so beautiful and always worthy of his love.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_06: I wonder why I feel tired and I'm caught in between, and I'm hiding behind a painted smile, a broken reflection of who I'm meant to be.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_07: I see the light in your eyes when they fall on me.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_07: I see the light, it's easier to see there's beauty in light, there's beauty in peace, there's beauty in love, there's beauty something from beauty floats in the mirror and I recognize the smile I see the light in your eyes when they fall on me.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_07: I feel the light it's easier to see there's beauty in light, there's beauty in peace, there's beauty in love, there's beauty in peace.
• 33:55
  unknown: Beautiful.
• 33:56
  unknown: Thanks, God.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_09: Here's your move this week: build a holy place.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_09: I would love for you to pick a specific time or a spot where you choose what goes in, especially when nobody's watching.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_09: It could be your room after the lights go out, the drive home, wherever it's real for you.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_09: Make a holy place.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_09: And to help you keep that holy place, I love this from the Topics and Questions Guide.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_09: It suggests for you to choose a favorite hymn or a church song that you can sing or a scripture that you can repeat in your mind when you're tempted by unwholesome thoughts or feelings.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_09: Keep that place sacred.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_09: Sometimes that sacred place is just your heart.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_09: When you do that, I want you to pay attention to how you feel when you enter that sacred place.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_09: That's strong for this week.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_09: Remember, you're a beloved son or daughter of God, and he has a work for you to do.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_09: Go do it.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_09: I'd like to thank our sponsors, Jared and Holly Swain, for making Strong possible.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_09: Thank you.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_09: Visit strongyoutfoundation.com for episodes and more.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_09: I'll see you next week.