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Excuse My Grandma's Real Talk On The Holidays · Excuse My Grandma

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This episode is brought to you by Prime. Obsession is in session, and this summer, Prime originals have everything you want. Steamy romances, irresistible love stories, and the book to screen favorites you've already read twice. Off Campus, Elle, Every Year After, The Love Hypothesis, Sterling Point, and more. Slow burns, second chances, chemistry you can feel through the screen.
• 0:25
  Your next obsession is waiting. Watch only on Prime.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: Welcome back to another episode of Excuse My Grandma. It's Kim and my cohost. Grandma Gail. Okay, Grandma. We're back in the studio, back in New York after a little Florida stint.
• 0:57
  Correct. How's it feel?
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: Well, actually, the weather has been mild. We haven't gotten a cold wind yet,
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: which I'm feel. Weather update, which I didn't ask. I said, how are you feeling? I'm feeling good.
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: Happy to hear weather. I like to see everything. Everything is start they've got all the Christmas trees up, which I love to see, and the holiday has certainly started.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Mhmm. Yeah. I feel like it feels a little bit more holiday season. I switched out my orange plant and I put in some like Lindor chocolate candies, like more hot chocolate flavor and all that
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: kind of Exactly. Exactly. The Turkey's finished.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Our Thanksgiving was really nice. I thought.
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: You know, it was beautiful. It was, it was a lovely day. It was cool. It was brisk, but it was really lovely. We didn't have a storm or rain or snow.
• 1:43
  So, it was really nice. With the weather. Well, the weather is very motivating for me because, you know, a cool weather reminds me of Thanksgiving, reminds me of Hanukkah, reminds me of Christmas. It reminds me of the holidays that are winter related. In Florida, when it's 82 degrees, you can't get too much into the holiday spirit, really.
• 2:04
  It doesn't have the same feeling. So, no, I really everything was lovely, food was delicious, everybody looked pretty and looked handsome. Nice to be
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: with family. You helped me pick out my outfit before.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: Yes, so we came on a good decision. Everybody, sort of felt good about themselves.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think Thanksgiving was definitely just a warm up. We still have all the winter holidays coming.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: Correct.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: And with them, family, food, and a lot of unsolicited opinion.
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: So a lot of conversation. When we get around a table, there's always a conversation about something, which is good because it's better to talk things through and talk to our loved ones about important issues of the day or not important issues of the day.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, on Thanksgiving, our family often feels like a reality show. Like, everyone's such a character. And you saw in our two hundredth episode, we did that family dinner. And if you wanna get to know the fam more, I suggest going back and watching that.
• 3:04
  But so I found this stat that nearly half of Americans, 48%, say they're already planning conversation strategies. So clearly, we're not the only one.
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: We're not the only ones. Families are families. Everybody's got the same issues. Whether you bring in a new person on at the table, whether an aunt or an uncle is having issues and and we wanna talk about it, but we wanna be constructive. Grandparents are getting older, so that's always a conversation.
• 3:31
  Can you hear? That's a very big deal at the dinner table. But you know, there are tensions also that come about at this time of the year. Yep. So today And and also bad feelings, I must honestly say for some people.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: So today as part of Saint Francis Winery's Real Talk campaign, we're breaking down the biggest tension points that come up at the table and how to actually survive them. So we always get a lot of questions in our household. I feel like when when are you seeing someone? Who are you seeing? Becomes when's the wedding?
• 4:05
  And then when are you having kids? Like we definitely like to be nosy in our family.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: Well, nobody's asking when you're having kids until you have a wedding first.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: So don't worry about that. But I just know that's to come. Because, Grandma, you and 31% of boomers are so interested in family updates. Why do you think the older generation is so much less filtered and asks those tough questions?
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: Because we've gotten old, so we don't have
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: a filter anymore. Is that what happens, though?
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: I think so. I I really do think so. As you age, you get less uptight about things. So it's really not even about a filter. You really are interested and instead of hedging around the subject, people just say it, the way it is, at least in our family they do.
• 4:51
  The older you get, you just blurt it out. But I was just gonna say, Kim, do people know that St. Francis is our choice of wines? I don't think you mentioned that.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: Is our choice of wines?
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: Is that? Well, we could bring that to the table and and moderate the conversation. We're having a little glass of white wine from Yeah.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: I think I think we're gonna get there. Oh, alright. Yeah. I think, like, I don't know how to not make that feel like an interrogation times 10. Well, you know what?
• 5:22
  A little
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: bit of interrogation isn't so terrible. There are not that many questions. I mean, really, when you think about it, everybody wants to know what the future brings for our young people, whether it's your job, whether you like your job, whether you don't like your job, whether you're with somebody that you're really serious about, or whether you need to find somebody that you're, that to be in a relationship with, which happens as well. So, you know, what are you gonna talk about? You're not talking about China's relations with The United States over dinner.
• 5:55
  I mean, we're not we're not exactly doing that. So we're we're talking about things that interest the family and families are interested in their young people My dating life.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: I feel like our family is always fitting in my dating
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: Don't only put it on you. Do I ask you like Well, we're not dating, but you do have a brother, you do have cousins that also have interesting lives. It's not always around you, but if
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: Wait, you what? No, I know that. I just feel like I get it. I'm more open than them maybe. Like, I feel like I share a I overshare.
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: Well, you always share because we're on a podcast that talks about relationships.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: No. But always. Don't you think I always have that relationship where the whole family feels like they can comment? I don't think
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: so. Not until this thing started four and a half years ago. I don't think anybody I think
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: this is my way of turning what was already happening into my creative Maybe, but
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: I don't think anybody would've asked you a lot of dating questions prior to this, but it became such a focal point of the podcast and of our different things that we were doing on TikTok and on Instagram that people got involved in your life, not only the family, but I think millions of people outside the family.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: I think it's also Stop about like
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: me on the street. What's who's Kimmy dating? When is she getting engaged? What's happening? So, I mean, those are not even people I know.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think what it is is like and people can probably relate to this. Opinions are gonna happen. So, like, just welcome them, but you don't have to take the advice that people give you and you But
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: you should listen. But you should listen, especially if it's coming from a good place. I mean, wouldn't listen to an opinion of a person you just spent fifteen minutes ago, but from a family member or from a close friend, I do think you should listen because I think sometimes good things come from the conversation.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And I also think there are ways to deal with it. So one would definitely be pivoting the conversation
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: Correct. A little bit.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: Answer. Absolutely. With humor or having some go to topics. Correct. That
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: Or turn it on them.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah. But like, so, okay. How how would you do that?
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: Well, if somebody says to you, well, where where is your relationship going? Say, I'm not really sure right now, but let's talk about your job or let's talk about- Doesn't
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: that sound a little snarky? Like, I don't know, but let's talk
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: about Well, no, without saying it like that, but you can say that things are up in the air right now. I don't know where my relationship is going. Or if you do know where your relationship is going, you say it. And then but it's really, you know, I wanna talk about all of us. All of us giving what they're doing in their lives, I not only about
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: think a really good thing to do is just be like, yeah, things are going great. Like, let's talk about the wine. Like, which one are you having tonight? And kind of to just have
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: always is a good suggestion.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Because every you can kind of make conversation and bond around something like that. I think pivoting to be like, what are you drinking tonight? Red or white? And kind of doing something cute if you are getting pressed on something like moving in together or getting more serious or wedding plans even.
• 8:54
  You can be like, oh, we don't have a date yet. We're really enjoying our engagement. What was your wedding or like? Or what was something like exciting in your life and a detail or regret that you have? And kind of get them to tell a story because people like that.
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: People love stories.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: People like Around the table. Yes. Absolutely. Okay. So another tip would be, I think, to play table games or activities.
• 9:16
  We've played like games before with our family and people got really into it. Or even rose thorn bud where you go around and you say like, what you're thankful for, like the best part of your year and the worst part of your year, things like that.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: And sip a glass of wine.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Or like just compliment like, oh, the tablescape really looks good tonight. I love this wine that you put out. I I was also trying to think like a fun game could be, what do you think what kind of wine is everybody in your family? Like, I feel like you would be a bold red.
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: Oh, thank you. Like, well, you would be a smooth chardonnay.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: Oh, what what do you think Poppy would be?
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: Poppy would go under the bold red also. I think I he would like that.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: I think a cab sauv with, like, the black currant spicy tobacco, cedar I think that's a body. Like, I see that for Poppy. But then I also see mom as a chardonnay, like, sweet, elegant, fruity Right? Little fruity. You know, there's like it's a fun game to play.
• 10:23
  Yeah. You have like a Pinot Noir, like someone who's like bright and flavorful. And like, I feel like that's my cousin. Like, it's I don't know. I like thinking about that.
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: That's cute, Kim. I like that.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: Poppy and I have always bonded on wine because we're actually both Somaligays.
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: Yes. You both are. Poppy has a cup that he won from one of his associations that he used to carry around when he went to their dinners.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: He used to wear them. That's intense. I never got a cup.
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: Well, he studied.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: He really could You did? Take
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: you did too. Well, got
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: it's a certification you can get. You go in a few times.
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: I did study for a long time.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: He might have done a higher level then.
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: I think he did.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And it was a little bit like it was so fun, but I wish I remembered because I feel like I haven't kept up with
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: kept up with it. Neither is he recently. I mean, you know, we don't he still knows, but we don't drink very much anymore except for a special occasion or around the holiday table we like to have
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: a glass of wine. Like, I can still think about the tasting notes and what I like to drink, and Poppy and I sometimes will comment on that if we're having a glass with our family, which of course we're going to do this holiday season. And I also feel like it's a little bit of a grandma core hobby. You know, I like to talk about that. So it just makes sense like, to have a nice glass of wine and
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: And I think it's something that people should learn about. It's part of developing a taste for wine, taste for food. It all goes together. And then you bring it to the family as a whole complete set of values. And people enjoy it, especially around the holidays.
• 11:55
  That's
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: for Saint Francis actually found that 63% of people learn more about their family during the holidays than any other time of the year. Because I feel like people are putting their phone down. They're connecting in real life, and wine is just such a good topic to discuss between generations or even joke about it. Like, if you know the difference between wines or if you don't, sharing your expertise or lack thereof to
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: I can have a little tasting at the dinner table, which
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: is fun too. So fun to do a tasting and just, educate and, like, bond with your other family members.
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: Yep. I think your your brother would love that. He likes it. He likes he actually likes red wine.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, drinks probably the most of of the fam because he's still like a frat bro.
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: No. He's not. He's just he's he's getting a sophisticated palate as know, and he's enjoying it. Yeah. I think it's great.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: So another thing that comes up that I know our followers bring up a lot is at the dinner table, attention point is when people comment on your looks or eating or weight.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: I have never seen that at our table.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: I have for sure. We talked about,
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: don't eat don't eat double buff. Happens
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: to dad constantly. You guys are like, oh, stop eating. You don't need to eat that much.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: Well, he's that's true.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: Okay. Right. That's true. And I think there's a lot There's a lot of focus. Everyone looks at what each other's eating sometimes.
• 13:17
  And I actually think that is one. And a lot of my, my friends tell me how their family will flat out ask them if they've gained or lost weight. And I think that's like pretty rude and unnecessary.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: I think it probably is a little hurtful, so let's try to avoid it this year.
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: Well, a new survey actually found that a third of Americans feel anxious about holiday conversations. Grandma Gal, did this happen when you were young or, like, even that you notice now? Because we I wanna give ideas on how to respond when a family member says something about appearance and why they might even do so.
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: I don't think anybody really ever commented about the appearance of somebody. First of all, we dressed very much more formally when I was growing up. So there was no reference. Nobody would come in in sloppy jeans and they'd always wear, you know, a nice, actually jacket and an attire for the holidays. So it was very, very much more of a formal situation.
• 14:12
  Even at home for Thanksgiving when we ate at home, everybody came with a tie and jacket, which we don't do anymore. I at, There's nobody wearing ties anymore.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: I will say just because I'm being honest and it's like I have a very outspoken grandma and mom. First thing when I walk in is either I like that outfit. I hate that outfit. Your hair looks bad. Oh, your hair looks good.
• 14:34
  So I think there is comments. Like, to to say there's no commenting on physical appearance.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: Well, there's comments, but we I I very rarely say somebody looks bad. Except when you're well, sometimes sometimes you you put on an outfit that just tips me over. Okay, Tips me over. Fair. But usually everybody looks really pretty when we get to the table, the actual table.
• 14:55
  Pre Yeah. Table conversation about which outfit we should wear and maybe I don't look so good in that outfit. The color is no good. I look fat. I look I don't know.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: And it's a good point though. Like, a lot of these conversations aren't always It at the could be at the pre table. But I think at the table, at least, is like when everyone's together in the room and you wanna be having a nice time. Right. You don't wanna be fighting like having that polite deflection moment and just saying like, oh, I hadn't noticed.
• 15:24
  Thanks. Like, did you try the mashed potatoes? Or take a mental note for later Or if you wanna, like, gossip to a friend or your cousin or a sibling about how it made you feel or your therapist, like, just write it down. Like, don't get into it in the moment.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: Oh, hopefully, it won't get that serious that you have to call your therapist. Especially over the mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce, but whatever. I think people have to lighten up on the holidays. They have to be kind to one another. Food is a good pivot to go around, but if it causes issues, don't do it at the dinner table.
• 16:02
  Don't have that conversation. Wait till after dinner when you're all sitting around playing games and then maybe ask a question that might be a little more serious. Try to keep it light.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: Well, think keeping it light is talking about the food and the wine in a, you know, positive way. Like, oh my god. Look how, like, great this spread is.
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: And Let's be I think everyone should for the holiday should be positive and be kind to one another.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: Okay. So another tension point that I know most people are probably feeling is when conversations get heated with different opinions, with different political opinions, with different faith often, all of that kind of stuff. And these conversations can definitely arise.
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: And I think should be spoken at the table. I mean, people have a right to different opinions without getting agitated, without Well, having to you know, we we've learned in recent years we should try. It isn't always it isn't always easy, but you never learn anything from the other side unless you listen.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: But I also feel sorry to interrupt, but, like, is it a is the place the dinner table for the Thanksgiving dinner table? Or can you have those conversations another time? If you don't want tension at the table and you just want it to be a nice
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: If you know it's gonna cause tension, then don't bring it. If you know.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: If you feel like you know your family and they're calm and
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: whatever or but And all and sometimes all your whole family agrees. So it's just a matter of having a conversation about what's happening today, which I think is important. You want to have what's happening in the world. We're not, we don't live in a vacuum, so we should discuss what's going on, what the important issues of the day are. We're not gonna probably solve them ourselves, but it's still an interesting topic of conversation.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think you know your family and if it's gonna ruin the dinner Then don't do. I think like if you know your uncle is gonna bring up the election and he's like a totally extremist and whatever, like propose a toast at the beginning of dinner and say like, let's politics are off limits this year.
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: Or any limits like a a group. So politics, think 42% people. Finances too. What finances, appearance. These were the top topics that people try to avoid at the table.
• 18:11
  So I think, Grandma, like, I'm trying to think of a light hearted time we disagreed. Like, if you were like, I hate the scarf belt trend. Remember when I didn't when I wore the scarf were totally not into that. And I was like, oh my gosh, you just don't understand. You're like this older generation and this is the younger fashion trend.
• 18:30
  Well, some
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: things are and you're right. Yeah. And you have to you have to get your eye adjusted to what new is happening. But you know what? Over a glass of wine, I could end up liking that trend.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: Fair. Like, I think be prepared for the dad jokes about your outfit, but they are a little bit funnier with a glass of wine. And, Grandma, what can people bring to a holiday dinner that isn't their opinions? Well, certainly, you
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: could bring a bottle of Saint Francis wine Yeah.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: To the function. That that always is good either white or red. Everyone loves that. And everyone loves the family member who brings the wine. I feel like you're the most popular one at the party if you are providing the drinks.
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: Exactly. And I think it doesn't conflict with the hostess' menu, which so often we discuss. You know, unless somebody says please bring something, you have to respect the hostess' desire to set her old menu. Also, I also believe any kind of candy or
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: a little Gift to take with you that you don't have to cook.
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: Right. It's always it's always something that you could bring as a gift.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think real connection in the holidays comes often from these moments of discomfort as you're mentioning, And they often lead to the best stories, but with the right wine, meal, and conversation, everyone can connect. So on that idea of finding common ground, I think at the end of the day, like we're all trying to feel heard and connected especially around the holidays. And even if we disagree sitting around a table, and we disagree often, with food and wine, it reminds us what actually matters.
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: Which is the people you love. And not everybody has to be on the same page. You know? But just listen to your listen to the other people's conversation. Sometimes you pick up a little something that you might like and adapt to your own way of life.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And we have been mentioning Saint Francis wine. I'm excited to have that at our table this year. A lot of this information is from them because they've always believed that wine isn't just what's in the glass, it's what brings people to the table. And to keep your own holiday conversations flowing, visit saintfranciswinery.com and use code take 12 for 12% off your first online order.
• 20:46
  Okay. That's our little real talk gift to help you bring something meaningful to your table. Alright. Let's move on to the rewind. So we put together a GrandmaGale approved holiday movie list to give everyone some inspiration on what to watch this holiday season.
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: Because a lot of times we're all around and it's and it's a cold time of the year, so let's get cozy up with what movies we love.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: Also, it's hard to get everyone to agree on a movie, so hopefully this makes things a little bit easier to narrow it down. Love Actually, Holiday, like such classic rom coms. You love Home Alone.
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: I love Home Alone, and that's a a fun thing for generations. So all the generations could get a laugh at that.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: What would you do if you were home alone in New York City?
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: I would probably put on Pretty Woman. Okay. And watch watch her look in those beautiful outfits and how romantic it was. It's still one of my favorite movies for the holidays.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: Okay. That's another one for sure. It's a Wonderful Life is a classic.
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: Oh my God, I still cry every time I see that that's a perfect Christmas movie.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: We have National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. We loved all those movies.
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: All those movies are so ridiculous, but they put you in a good mood and nobody can have an argument over that movie. I mean, it's just silly, silly and it's fun. And
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: How the Grinch Stole Christmas Classic. Is up
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: Some little kids get scared of that Grinch. You to be careful. So if somebody's really scared
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: of It's that, don't funny. Put
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: I know, but it's silly for you, but there are some people that get scared. So you have to sort of ease it in with the book first and read a story about the Grinch, then do the movie. That's the perfect way to intro the movie.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And then I think Wicked is great
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: for Oh my God, it's on and even Even
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: though it's not a holiday movie, but
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but everybody's gonna be choice for this year.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: I saw Wicked two, Wicked for Good.
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: Well, you went to the movie theater.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: I did, of course.
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: Well, it's on television now. No, it's not. Something's on television.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: The first one maybe.
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: Oh, I haven't seen any of them.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: It's not on TV yet. It will be probably by the time
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: I you
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: don't know. I think they'll give it a good theatrical run before I they put it don't know how long it took for the first one. I think a few months at least. Okay. But I need a like whole separate episode talking about that honestly, and I could probably do a review online.
• 23:11
  But it was amazing. The first everyone is saying and I sort of agree that the first one was like perfect. And then the second one they had to stretch out a little bit to make its own movie. They added two new songs which I liked. It's just watching Cynthia and Ariana Right.
• 23:30
  Who are the most talented people ever and their chemistry. And Would
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: you recommend it for all ages? Yes.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: Okay. Well, what do you mean? Like,
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: Well, mean, over a little Over 12. Yeah. Not for real little ones, I like six and
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: don't know what they watch. Like, it's definitely Is like little scary?
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: Well, that's what I'm saying. Oh, You not actually
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: know, like the flying monkeys, like.
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: Oh, I don't know. I I I wonder what it's recommended for.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah. That I don't know. You could probably look that up. But We'll
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: have to look that up.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: To get ready to watch Wicked two, the day before Zach and I watched Wicked one. We watched the holiday special on NBC talking about it. We went to Wicked two, and then after Wicked two, we came home and watched Wizard of Oz. So we had a full
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: And then you and then you put your red slippers on and flew away.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: I wish. I wish. I love that story. Everyone just loves it so much.
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: Okay. Good.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, I could go on, but everyone definitely should see it, in my opinion. Okay. We also have a Thanksgiving rule, Grandma Gail's rule, which is the only things that should get heated during the dinner table is the meal, not the conversation.
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: Well, that's that applies to Christmas or any other holiday, Kwanzaa, whatever. Mhmm. Whatever's on your plate, that's that's the rule for that holiday.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: Yes. Okay. You guys wrote in questions that you wanted to ask, in the AskRemma anything about how to deal with these heated combos around the holiday season. So the first one is, what is a holiday boundary that you're setting this year? Well,
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: what am I? Personally, are we discussing this? Or what should anybody? I don't think anybody should approach, any subject that you know is gonna make the other people uncomfortable, whether it be marriage, children, weight. If you know what's gonna trigger somebody, don't say it.
• 25:34
  Let's try to make a pact. We're gonna try to keep it as neutral as we can. Let's not have an issue over the dinner table for the holidays.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: Okay, do you have a holiday spending rule this year, like for Hanukkah gifts?
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: Well, I don't really, we don't have any little children anymore, so I usually buy one nice gift or give them some money for Hanukkah. I you know, it's not like eight days anymore. When they were when you were very little, everybody used to get a doll, used to get a truck, used to get, you know, whatever the latest game was.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: The best was the fur like like mom would give me the best gift the first night and then all of them after were like men.
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: But I think as you get older, one gift is more than enough. Oh, for then just light the candle and say a prayer.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: Yes, we'll be doing that.
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: And Christmas, I'm sure is the same way. You know, the economy is very, very convoluted this year. We're not sure exactly how much people want to spend. Things are a little tougher than usual. So I think don't buy frivolous things.
• 26:35
  Buy one nice gift for a child and if you can't afford a nice gift, then make something that you know that he or she would like. It doesn't matter. It's the thought behind it, really.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't know with spending. I actually have to start doing my holiday gifts. I haven't even
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: had You have to budget it, and also all the people that you have to take care of at the holiday time. That's the big thing. Mean, find that the largest part of the holiday because people that help you all year round, this is their special time to get a gift. Yeah. And so you have to figure that in your in your budget.
• 27:13
  Yeah. So and it's it's could be very large.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: I feel like if it's a friend or something, I I I think of it as the same as birthdays. So I'm like between like $75 to like a $150.
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah. But if you start figuring that out, it becomes a lot of 100.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: I know. But and then if it's like your parents or your partner, I go a little above that. But
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: Whatever makes each individual has to be comfortable.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Okay. Someone said, my parents want me home for the holidays, but I want my first quiet Christmas with my partner. How do I break it to them gently? Well,
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: I don't know if they live in the same city or not, but maybe they don't. I don't don't know what the answer to that is. If she has a partner or he has a partner, I don't know, if they live near, maybe they could have their holiday, just the two of them, and then go visit the family, for dessert or or something like that.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: Or, like, the next night?
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: Or yeah. It's hard. You know? This becomes that same complication when different families get involved, how you divide it up. So you have to come up with a plan perhaps, that appeases everybody.
• 28:25
  It makes everybody happy. It depends where if you're living in the same community, if becomes a big you don't have to travel to go see your parents.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: This crazy, but like, why would you not like, the holidays is the one time you should spend with your family. Like, why would you not want to? Well, sometimes somebody wants to
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: just be alone with their their
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: But can't you do that
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: another Well, maybe they feel that the holiday is so special to them. I don't know, Kim. To me, it would always be a holiday type of thing, but I can understand if it's your first year together, you might wanna go for a fancy dinner together or just spend the night just together and visit your family perhaps maybe after the Christmas, you know, or after Hanukkah or after Kwanzaa, I don't know. It it really depends on the individual and where they live. If they're in the same city, it makes it a heck of a lot easier.
• 29:16
  If it's if they have to travel, then then I then it's tricky.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: Okay. Question. My friend group does secret Santa, but one girl never sticks to the budget. Uh-oh. Do I say something or ignore it?
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: I just think you have to ignore it. It makes it uncomfortable for everybody else because everybody else is usually sticking to the the rule. But you know what? There's no point in saying anything. Agree.
• 29:40
  What do you accomplish?
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And it's like those gifts are never anything that great anyway.
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: Exactly. Cares? Exactly. Used to be those little plants that used to grow out of the holes.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: Chia pens?
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the chia pens. That was a secret thing. That was a great gift.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they're usually I
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: used to like to see that thing grow. I like that gift. Chia chia. Chia. Yeah.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: And I eat chia seeds every day for breakfast.
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: I know you do. This is right up your alley. Do you need it from that plant?
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so.
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: I think so too.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: I probably should get one.
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: That could be a good plan for the year.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: I that's my secret that's my Hanukkah gift, if you need a clue. I'm feeling left out because my friends planned a holiday trip without me. Should I address it or move on?
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: Well, I don't know how close that friendship is. If it's your best friends and they left you out, I would say something. Say, what happened to me? What happened to my invite? I don't know.
• 30:32
  I we don't have all the details on this. If it's just a group thing and you're not, you know, I don't think you can get that hysterical, but if it really matters to you, I would say something. Maybe to one person say, was there a reason why I didn't make the list this year? Is it something I make it as a joke? Is it something I said?
• 30:52
  Because I'd like to get back on the list.
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I wouldn't go in with, how dare you not do me. But then I think if they make up something that seems like an excuse or whatever, like you should second guess how strong that friendship is.
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: Okay. My boss scheduled a team meeting on December 26. Am I allowed to be annoyed? No. A work after Christmas?
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: It's one day after Christmas. Oh, one day, I mean?
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: No. Clearly, I felt it.
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: You know what? Unless they take the holiday off of the office, maybe they have to be back in the office depending on what type of work they have. Not everybody gets a week, you know, isn't school where you get a week off for Christmas and New Year's. It depends on your work schedule. Some people have to work.
• 31:36
  Some people have to go back to work the day after Thanksgiving on Black Friday or whatever that is. It's not a holiday. It's it's a work day for for most people. So, you know, if you get it as a holiday, say thank you. If you don't, go back to
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: work. Okay.
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: Don't complain. You have a job.
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: Coworkers keep pressuring me to join the office Christmas party, but I'd rather stay home. Do I tell the truth or make an excuse?
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: Well, why would she rather well, I think that's a little weird, if you must say so, but if I must say so. I think if you're part of an office and they're having a holiday event, you should be there.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: If you okay. I'm gonna come from the opposite perspective because you know I get weird with events sometimes and like that anxiety of like, but I'm not friends with these people. Why would I go? I'm gonna like not have fun, whatever. Like if she has gone to them in the past and she feels uncomfortable or they're never fun or like she feels like it's a waste of her time.
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: You know, jobs are not fun.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: But that's not a job. It's a party.
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah. But it's part of the job when you go when it's part of working together in the spree decor. You know, you could always leave early. Yeah. Go, bring your face there, put your best foot forward.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: Show your face.
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: And then say, you know what, I have to leave early. I have a commitment that I have to go to. Make up a thing that isn't hurtful, but just I think you should go. Think it's appearance.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: Like show face, but if you don't wanna be there, you don't have to stay for more than forty five
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: Exactly. Stay for cocktails and leave.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: Mhmm. Okay. How do I deal with feeling lonely even when I'm surrounded by people during gatherings?
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: Well, I think you have to look into yourself. There's something that's, you know, bothering you right now at this point in your life, and, you should try to seek out somebody you don't feel lonely with, whether it be a friend or a family relative. I think you have to get out of the doldrum of feeling that way because otherwise it really leads to great unhappiness. So, I mean, I totally
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: that's what I was just saying is like, sometimes you can be in a room of room of people and there's like, whether it's social anxiety or something that's holding you back from like joining in on the conversation with people. I totally understand that feeling. And I think having a buddy is a really good plan. Like one person you feel like, okay, if I have no one to talk to, I'll go up and join them. And if there's nobody at the party, I think It might not even be a
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: party that they're having a problem with, it just being lonely.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: Bully around the holidays.
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah. It's Yeah, just I think it's just loneliness, and I think that's then you know what? Go volunteer at your church or at your synagogue or go to a soup kitchen and hand out food to other people. And just being together with other people, I think will take you out of your loneliness. That's a very good thing to do around the holiday time.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: I'm hosting for the first time and I'm overwhelmed. Where do I even start?
• 34:45
  Speaker 3: Well, that could be. I understand that. I think you start with what you're gonna serve. If it's gonna be a casual little supper, then figure that out. After you've done what your main course or whatever you're serving goes, then you can spread it out and figure out what are you going to have with your hors d'oeuvres or with your drink time.
• 35:06
  And then have a fun dessert, whether it be a Sunday dessert or a make an apple pie with different ice creams or whatever, whatever, a pumpkin pie, a cherry pie, whatever is of that holiday. And, but start with the main and work out.
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: Okay. Any other hosting tip you should know besides the meal prep?
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: Just have plenty of soda, water, and a wine on hand because that's, most people don't even want to eat on the holiday. They don't know how to hold the plate. They don't know where to go, but they all want to have a drink and they all want to have a, an order of.
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: Okay. My roommate has been playing Mariah Carey since November 1. Oh, how do I survive?
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: I have to wait till Christmas. Not, just suck it up. She's not stopping till after Christmas, so forget it.
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: That's so brutal. I know. Hearing that on repeat.
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: Millions and millions of people wanna hear that song. So that's it. You'll have to just suck it up.
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: No way around it. Nope. How can I make sure my boyfriend has a great time at my family's Thanksgiving? That's 20 plus people. I think stick with him for most of it.
• 36:16
  Right? Like, you don't have to hold someone's hand.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: Believe you have to hold somebody's hand. These are adults. I mean, he's gonna have to figure out how to deal with your family and your friends or whoever at the gathering. But certainly in the beginning till you and you have to introduce him unless, you know, unless he knows everybody. But if he doesn't, you certainly need have the obligation of introducing him and making him feel comfortable and certainly sit next to him during dinner.
• 36:40
  Because I think that that gives somebody not only Thanksgiving, Christmas, whatever time that the holiday is gonna get together.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: Just generally, even if it's not a new boyfriend that you're bringing in, do you sit next to your partner on Thanksgiving?
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: Well, I I think so. And and yeah. Unless they have yeah. I don't I it depends on the family and how close you all are. Sometimes they go girl, boy, girl, boy, or a man, man, woman, woman.
• 37:07
  I mean, that's up to the hostess. Mhmm. You know? I think she puts a lot of thought into the afternoon, so I'm sure she'll do the right thing.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I feel like when you've hosted things, you sit on one head of the table and Poppy sits at the other. Yes. They're not always next to each other.
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: No. And when we go yeah. It it depends how you wanna how you wanna set it up, but I with people you don't know, you tend to wanna put them together so that they feel comfortable.
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: Last question. This is our first holiday without their deceased family member. How can we keep them there in spirit and not get down about their absence?
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: I think you have to raise a glass and cheer them and remember the tell a story perhaps about what you dearly remember and keep them part of it because that's, what's all about family and all about tradition. Don't just ignore it. I mean, they were, they've been a part of your lives. So, you know, mention grandma, poppy, my uncle Lou, my aunt Tilly, and what she did to make the evening so special for all of us.
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: I like that. Okay. To end up the episode, let's play a quick game of, should we bring it back? Old holiday songs that are slightly controversial. Some of them have been canceled.
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: Oh, really?
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: So I don't know if we should try to bring them back. For example, the song Baby It's Cold Outside.
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: I think that's adorable. I don't like because they get called a baby.
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: No. The lyrics are very coercive and they promote nonconsensual behavior. So lines like she says, like, say, what's in this drink and he's like don't worry about it and she keeps trying to leave. She keeps saying I wanna go out and he says baby it's cold outside stay.
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: Well because he wants her to be he
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: wants And she's like her to what my mom say when I go home and he's like don't worry about it and it is a little persistent. I went to karaoke on Friday night.
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: And Zach and I were like, this is a cute song. We're gonna sing this song. And when we it was playing, we were like, it is kinda bad.
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: Oh, you know what? Okay. Then eliminate Should
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: we bring it back? I don't know. I like it. It's It's a good tune.
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: I think it's good. I thought it was cute.
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: Wonder if you would
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: feel different. Think I would feel the same. I think we can read too much into the lyrics, we'll listen to any of the contemporary music that's out today. Fair.
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: Another one was Santa Baby from, you know, 1953, Earth a Kit. Yeah. People were saying, you know, it's materialistic because she's, like, asking Santa for a convertible and whatever else.
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: Everybody's still asking somebody for something, so let's bring it back. She was so great. Her voice was fabulous.
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: Agree. I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus 1950. When first released and performed by 13 year old Jimmy Boyd, the song was condemned by the Catholic ARC DOCs of Boston for combining religious holiday with themes that suggested into infidelity or smutty double entendre.
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: Alright. Well, I think it's I think we can impose a lot of these rules on the songs. The songs were of the period, And I think that's very important to remember. If you don't want to sing the song, don't sing it. Mommy's kissing Santa Claus is not terrible because my daddy was in the outfit.
• 40:20
  So he was kissing his wife. Oh. So, I mean, come on.
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: That's a take. Okay.
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: It let's not read too much into these songs. They're all cute. You don't like them, don't sing them, really.
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: Mhmm. I agree. I like those classic Christmas music. I still think it's more wholesome than the songs today. So I'm fine with it.
• 40:39
  Exactly. Okay, everyone. Another great episode of Excuse My Grandma. We got into all the holiday things. I didn't say this at the beginning, but please remember to follow the podcast where you're listening.
• 40:50
  Follow us on social media, where Excuse My Grandma, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, Snap, wherever. My personal is Kimmerstein, and we'll see you soon.
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: Have a good holiday everybody.