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Empowering Entrepreneurial Success: Kay and Shi's Journey from Restaurant Revival to Neuroencoding Mastery for Veterans and Beyond · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Michael is a dual elite certified neuro encoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuro encoding science, empowering these Hello, hello, hello everybody.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Society Forging a New Path Forward.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Hello, hello, hello everybody.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: We have an incredibly special session today.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: We have the sisters Kay and Shai, co-founders of the Neuron Coding Institute with Joseph McClendon III, esteemed faculty members of the University of Nevada, reno, co-chairs in the Squeeze-In host of the Infinite Energy Podcast, which is amazing, by the way experts in leveraging neuroscience for business and personal success.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: So, really quick, I just want to say I'm so honored to have you, ladies, on here.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: You're mentors of mine and just have taken my life to a different level.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: So honored to have you on the show and thank you for being here.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: Tell us a little bit more about yourself.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: My life to a different level, so honored to have you on the show and thank you for being here.
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: Tell us a little bit more about yourself, michael.
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having us and thank you, everyone who's tuning in, for giving us of your time today.
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: We're so glad to be with you.
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: As you've heard, yes, indeed, we are real life sisters.
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: We're real life excited to come alongside you all today and share maybe a little bit of some knowledge from what we like to call the front lines of entrepreneurship.
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: Now, my name is Kay and I'm joined by my sister, shai, and we, as Kay mentioned, we're delighted to be with all of you today and want to share just a little bit of our story so that you have context for who the heck we are and why we want to bring some value to you.
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: So just to share a little bit so you can know why were your sisters joining you today.
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: Back when Kay was 10 and I was 17 a few decades ago, our parents risked it all to buy a failing breakfast restaurant in a little ski town in California and overnight our family became a restaurant family.
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: So we went from having kind of the regular two parents and nine to five jobs and going to school and doing those things to being all in on a family business together.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: We would work the floor during the day, bus and tables, cooking omelets, washing dishes, and then at night we would bake the biscuits, we would wash the aprons, we would get out, do the books and get ready for marketing and do it all again the next day.
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: Now, as we mentioned, that's been a few decades since then.
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: Since then, that one failing breakfast restaurant has now grown into a chain of 10 locations across three states.
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: We've got a couple hundred employees, a burgeoning franchise business and fun growth on the horizon ahead.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: And along that path we've learned quite a bit.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: We've gained a lot, we've lost a lot.
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: We like to call it the drama of American entrepreneurship, and that's because it's been pretty dang dramatic.
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: It sure has.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: It's been like a roller coaster ride.
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: Up and down we have gone, but along the way we've gotten to have some incredible wins Ups like being on the Food Network's Throwdown with Bobby Flay.
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: Downs like COVID-19 happeningening to Our Restaurant.
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: Ups Like Meeting Joseph McClendon III and Getting to Co-Found the Neuroencoding Institute and Learn More About Neuropsychology Principles.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: And Downs Like how to Figure Out how to Deal with the Difficult Family Dynamics Inside of a Business.
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: And so we've been through the gambit, we've done a lot of really cool things, but where we've landed is now, as Shiloh mentioned, with the restaurant chain growing and burgeoning, and then also with the Neuroencoding Institute, which is the certification and coaching program that we have co-founded alongside Dr Joseph McClendon III, which is how we came to know you, michael.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, fantastic.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: And you know, I always say you know, when people have those ups and downs, it's just learning, right, that's how you learn.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: You don't learn from success.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: So you guys are an amazing story and I can't wait to dive in more.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: So thank you again for being here and sharing your stories.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: So let's talk about entrepreneurship.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely Fantastic.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: We know a thing or two about entrepreneurship, michael.
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: As you know and as we've gone through that journey, the restaurants haven't been the only place where we've gotten to flex that entrepreneurial muscle, and some of you in the audience might be able to relate to this little confession session here.
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: But you get pretty good in one area and you think you're going to be really good in another area and you find out it turns out you're actually a novice in the new area.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: And you find out, turns out you're actually a novice in the new area.
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: So an expert in one place of entrepreneurship or business or career doesn't necessarily mean that you're an expert in another or that you're going to instantly be successful.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: So that's one of the things that we've learned.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: But as we were learning through the process, we're about 10, 12 years into business ownership with the restaurants.
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: We've got four locations, but we've run out of family to run the locations, we've run out of money to fund the locations and we're dealing with staff that are starting to push back and get scratchy and we're not sure how to handle it.
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: And so we go looking for some training to help us with this and we identify our issue as being a leadership gap.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: So we go to look for leadership training which introduced us into the world of personal growth and development, leadership certifications and all kinds of experts and expertise that were out there sharing their information, and we got the opportunity to get certified in a leadership training start helping with that organization in the John Maxwell world, build that certification level and bring these things to business owners.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: Now what happened in our restaurant business once we started focusing on leadership and personal growth and development inside of our business and entrepreneurial pursuit is that it helps that business grow.
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: We saw our restaurants expand.
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: Right, we were at four, we were out of family, out of money max and didn't know what to do.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: Now we're at 10.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: So we figured it out and what was the big little hinge that swung the big door for us?
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: It was bringing in personal growth and development and professional development and leadership focus into our business, which really allowed it to explode, which is how we got the opportunity then to bring the Neuroencoding Institute forward.
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: So I wanted to just share that idea, at least starting us off here in this entrepreneurial conversation, of how much we often think our skills can transfer.
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: But you're actually starting at the beginning anytime you start a new entrepreneurial pursuit.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: Absolutely so.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: I'm right there with you.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: Right, we have a construction company and there's ups and downs, obviously, and then getting into this realm that I've been so passionate about for so long and helping veterans and their families, it was an eye-opener, you know, and you just keep moving forward and keep pounding the pavement and you figure it out.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: You're resourceful.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: So can I ask you either of you, of course, please answer whoever wants to.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: So for veterans and their families who are transitioning out of the military and they're going, I don't know what I want to do with my life.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: I don't know what I want to do when I grow up.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: Do with my life.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: I don't want to do I don't know what I want to do when I grow up Any tips or thoughts on how to steer them or how to have that realization of, hey, this might be for me, whatever that may be.
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah well, first and foremost, I don't want to pretend to know the struggle of a veteran.
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: It's not a struggle that I have had personally.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: And for those of you who have given up your time and of your service to our country and to our country's military, I just want to start off by saying thank you.
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: Thank you for the time and the sacrifice, for the effort and the energy that it takes and for what it means to make a choice where you essentially give up some not some a lot of control of your own life in order to go and do something in service of others.
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: And then you get back and all of a sudden, 100% of the control is back on you.
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: Now you're the one who makes the decisions.
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: There isn't always a clear path for promotion.
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: There isn't necessarily a rule book or a guidebook telling you what you can and you can't do.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: The culture of entrepreneurship, or even of life, it, seems kind of unestablished because you are the one that has to establish it.
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: And so, while I do not know personally the struggle of that particular transition, I know Shiloh and I both are very familiar with the struggle of transition in general and what it can mean.
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: And the first thing that I think I would say in regards to transition and what it is looking.
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: What when you're looking to move from one thing into the next, maybe you're feeling uncertain on the in-between.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: The very first thing I would recommend is and this may sound a little fluffy, but it's grace, give yourself some grace.
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: Look, you've been through a lot.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: Something has happened major in your world and now you're having to reorient.
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: Just last year, I went through an absolute heartbreaking divorce and had to end up moving out of my home.
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: I've moved a relationship, I'm now a single mom, I've got two babies, two kids, and this has been a huge transition.
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: The level of uncertainty that I personally have felt in the last 16 months has been an incredible amount, and whenever we come up against uncertainty like that, we've got to be able to take a quick breath and say you know what?
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: There has to be room for grace here, because what you've been through is a lot, and oftentimes, especially if you're a military person, I would imagine you have this too, because I know us entrepreneurs.
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: We have grit and we have willpower, but you can't will your way out of something like this.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: Sometimes you got to give yourself a little bit of space.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: Give yourself a little bit of grace and understand that it may take time for you to figure out exactly what your next direction may be.
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: Such a beautiful answer Okay, I love it, and I would only you know add to that as we think about how do I know what's right.
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: For me is maybe like taking that first you build the grace internally for yourself and then you allow yourself internally to take that step back and say what have I always enjoyed doing?
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: Not necessarily putting widgets on a widget maker from a factory line, not something like that but have you always enjoyed helping people?
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: Have you always enjoyed organizing games?
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: Have you always enjoyed coaching in some way or another and not necessarily in a life coaching sense, but like maybe coaching sports teams or coaching youth organizations or through a church or something like that and so going to find some ways to reignite the passions that have always been there for you that aren't necessarily about my next step for my career is to get this degree and then go get my welding thing and like not all of that, but giving yourself the grace and allowing yourself to just move back into some of those general activities that you've enjoyed in the past and see if you still enjoy them.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: Have you always loved cooking?
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: Can you go take a community cooking class?
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: Can you go help?
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: Can you volunteer at a shelter that maybe does some food service or food delivery for folks in your area?
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: So finding a way to contribute through what it is that you already know you've loved to do in the past will help open doors for you.
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: Because what grace doesn't mean is sitting still and doing nothing.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: It doesn't mean just sitting there going.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: The answer will come to me.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: The answer will come to me.
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: It never comes to you.
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: If you're just sitting still, you have to go out and do things and try things.
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: But doing it from that place of I have time, I have space, I have grace allows you to find those things that are going to be much more congruent and authentic to you.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: So that's all I would add to that grace and grit conversation there.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: Absolutely fantastic, both of you.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: So let's move into.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: You know most military personnel when they're coming, when they join you know we're not doing drafts anymore so when they join they're looking for a sense of purpose and that's generally what I found when getting out.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: It's that they need to find that purpose again and that's when they get lost, if you will, by not finding that purpose.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: So taking those cooking classes or whatever that may mean to you, maybe that start to find that purpose.
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: What other tips could you give for transitioning out of the military and for families kind of coming back together to find purpose, together, find their own purpose?
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: I'm so glad that you used the word purpose, michael, because I'm about to.
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: I want to flip it a little bit on its head Now we love the word purpose because come on.
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: Mother Teresa talks about is woven into the fabric of the conversation around what we should be doing in order to be happy to be fulfilled as human beings.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: But when we look at the definition of purpose, y'all like.
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: The definition of purpose is the reason for which something is created or for which something exists.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: So a purpose is the very reason that you are created or that you exist, and I know about you.
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: But that is a lot of pressure, holy cow, is that a lot of pressure?
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: The reason I was created to exist, I don't know.
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: Some days I'm created to exist on a paddleboard on a lake.
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: Some days I'm created to exist to wipe another human's butt.
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: Some days I'm created to exist on a paddleboard on a lake.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: Some days I'm created to exist to wipe another human's butt.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: Some days I'm created to exist in order to drive a child to a doctor's appointment.
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: I don't know so day to day that seems as though my reason for existing might even shift at that level and there is a lot of conversation about finding your purpose right now and it can feel like a lot of pressure.
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: It can feel like I'm supposed to find the reason that I am on this earth and we don't know, maybe the reason that you exist is that when you're 84, you're going to cross the road at the perfect time that's going to save some baby who one day is going to become president and bring us all world peace.
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: But you don't know that that was why you were created to exist in the timeline of humanity?
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: We don't know, and so I'd like to take a little bit of a bite out of purpose, if we can.
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: That sounds like a really good movie.
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: Kay, I'm just saying it's 84 and you saved the baby right.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: I'm just saying.
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: Well, we'll call it.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: The title of the movie is Take a Bite Out of Purpose, because that's what it is.
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: When we're trying to figure out what is our purpose and what is our direction, we want to take little bites, right.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: Take a bite of the cooking class, take a bite of the movie making, take a bite of the entrepreneurship, take a bite of a business and see what you like, and you might find three things that make you feel on fire, that make those three things the things that you focus on.
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: But when we attempt to find the purpose, the vision, the thing, oftentimes it can feel so overwhelming that we don't take any action at all.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: I love that, absolutely love it.
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: Well, that's exactly why Kay and I have, rather than anchor on the word purpose, which there's still a lot of purpose in purpose and a lot of value.
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: So don't want to get too drawn into semantics here, but what resonates better for us and what we offer to the audience here that might just be helpful expansion on this is that, rather than seeking purpose or like what's my purpose, what's my purpose, we like to seek fulfillment, and fulfillment feels like an easier word to find, and when you, especially as you, anchor to the definition that we've found and that we really like as well.
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: And fulfillment is satisfaction or happiness as a result of developing one's abilities or character.
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: Now, what do we love about a definition like that?
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: It gives us a formula satisfaction or happiness.
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what we're really going for, because, at the end of the day, what most of us want, including most veterans, is to feel good on the inside, to be okay in here, whether we're in bed or on the freeway or in this grand hotel or on vacation or at work.
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: We want to feel good inside.
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: And we want to have good emotions and good internal conversation, which means we want satisfaction or happiness Now in fulfillment.
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: It gives us a formula for that satisfaction or happiness as a result of fully developing one's abilities or character.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: Now, we know about military folks is that they like that.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: Tell me in plain brass tacks, exactly what it is that I need to do.
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: Well, here you go, in order to feel satisfaction or happiness, then you've got to develop your abilities and your character.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: Now that can take the rest of your life to figure out what that character is, who you want it to be, and then continue to fully develop.
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: It doesn't say right like fully develop it, and then there it sits on the shelf.
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: It's this active process of developing, and so we really like that because it allows you to focus in on your abilities, right, what are those talents you were born with that you can hone, the things that you feel passionate about, that you like, that you feel purposeful for.
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: And then character who do you want to be?
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: How do you want to be remembered?
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: What are those daily habits that will turn into the lifetime of activity that people will say remember this person because of that.
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: Those are your abilities and character.
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: Those are much easier to grasp onto and a little bit less esoteric than the reason for which you exist.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: So I wanted to add that fulfillment layer on for some helpful clarity.
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: If it's helpful for those that are watching, Well, it's helpful for me.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: I just made notes.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: So thank you.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: Hey, we're back in training.
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: Perfect, I love it.
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: We're always learning right, Like you said Amen.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: Progress is important, so for entrepreneurship, important, so for entrepreneurship.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: Any thoughts on you know again.
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: So you found your fulfillment you found something that you want to move forward with.
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: Where do you start?
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: Well, shiloh just gave the instructions, right there.
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: Right, satisfaction or happiness as a result of only developing one's character.
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: So where do you start?
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: Well, you start developing your character, and if you're watching this podcast right now, or maybe you're listening in, you're doing it.
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: Congratulations.
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: I just want to celebrate you right now because you're the type of person who takes action on actively developing your character.
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: And how do I know that?
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: Because you wouldn't be here if you weren't.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: You're already invested and so looking for ways to develop the character of your life.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: Now, many of you have played the game Sims, right?
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: And if you haven't played the game Sims, here's a quick overview.
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: You basically create a human, you create their personality and then you go out and you get to live their life.
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: It's a video game simulating real life.
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: Really, I don't get it.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: I loved it when I was a kid, but now that I'm older, I'm like what?
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: You know what?
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: Life's hard enough.
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: I don't need to go make fake money in a video game, regardless.
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: Anyways, at the beginning of Sims you're setting up your character and you put together the character and you put in a little dash of anger and you put in a little dash of charisma to choose how patient they are.
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: You choose whether they're sad or happy people, whether they're energetic or they're lethargic, and you set up this personality and then they go out into the world and they play the game right.
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: And they go out and they play out this personality throughout the game.
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: Well, luckily, in life we don't just get set up with a personality, we don't just get set up with a character.
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: Now you might have a little dash of anger and a little dash of charisma and a little dash of healthy habits and unhealthy habits.
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: All of these things come together to make your character.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: But, unlike a Sims game, where a character gets set up and then they go out and live their life, you have the ability to shift that character at any time and say you know what, I got a lot of anger and I want that to be a little bit of anger.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: And I got a little bit of anger and I've got a little bit of charisma and I want to see that grow in my communication skills.
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: Or oh, I've got, you know, a little bit of perseverance.
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: But I think I can have a lot of perseverance.
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: And anywhere where we see a personality trait that we want more of more of this in our character, understanding fundamentally that it can be developed is the very first step.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: Step number two is deciding which character trait you want to focus on and then developing it until you get good at it and find your fulfillment.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: Love it, absolutely love it, so anything to add to that.
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess I love listening to you talk and I know we teach together, but I'm always like, yeah, that's so good, and I'm like taking my little notes and I know you're the same way too, and it's just.
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: It's a demonstration of the fact that what we're going to say here too, which is immerse yourself in what it is, who it is, where it is, how it is that you want to be.
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: We know that exposure to the environments that you want to be part of and that you want to emulate is the best way for you to become a part of that environment.
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: And if your current environment doesn't reflect the character you want to develop, then that's a great place to start, because it's harder to do our internal environment, which many of you especially if you're suffering from PTSD, you know how difficult it can be to influence and change that internal environment.
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: Not impossible, but definitely a challenge.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: And so if we start with our physical environment and design it to set us up for success, what is the character that I want to develop?
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: What time do they wake up, what kinds of food are in their pantry, what kinds of habits do they do, what kind of beverages do they drink?
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: And so we design that environment around ourselves to set ourselves best up for success.
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: From a social science perspective, and I'll only go into this for a moment as you heard, we're on faculty at the University of Nevada.
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: I'm on in the sociology department, so we look at this idea of the human organism quite a bit from a social science perspective.
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: Human beings, no matter what your values are, no matter what your desires are, will act in the way that is most in accordance with the convenience of the environment around them.
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: So, like in studies, this looks like it does not matter how much you care about recycling.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: If your community does not make it easy for you to recycle, you won't.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: You'll put the recycling in the trash and you'll have the twinge of oops, I feel bad for that, but it's not convenient for you.
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: So it's society should make that better.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: But how are you making it better for yourself?
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: How are you setting up our, your personal environment to allow you to be most successful, so that you don't just grab the one thing that keeps hurting you, whether it's your phone right first thing in the morning, or the chips out of the pantry during the middle of the day, or you're ignoring the treadmill because it's 15 miles away at the gym, and that's not what you want to do at the end of your day.
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: So designing your environment around you to set you up for success is often an easier start than designing the environment on the inside.
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: But we know that's where the real work and the real results will come from.
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: But oftentimes taking that low-hanging fruit can give you just enough momentum you need to move into that next stage.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: Fantastic.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: Thank you both.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: You guys have so many golden nuggets.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: I think we need to make this a three-hour show.
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: I'm just joking.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: So, communication, so when you're getting out of the military, you're trying to find your fulfillment, You're still struggling, and so on.
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: What is some of the tips that you would give for communicating?
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: You know, obviously your family's changed, you've changed.
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: You know, you've been apart and everybody has, you know, changed, grown, whatever the case may be up or down, forward or back.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: What are some communication tips you guys could give for, again, military families and the veterans, so they don't go into solitude any of them and they come together?
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a beautiful question and such a, you know, a unique challenge to those who are away from their families and then come back Now.
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: Shiloh and I had a little bit of this experience in that we were we were not great friends growing up.
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: Let's just let's just confession session.
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: We were not.
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: We were actually like enemies.
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: We were sister enemies growing up.
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: Let's just confession session.
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: We were not.
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: We were actually like enemies, we were sister enemies growing up, not big fans of each other, did not love them.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: We loved each other because you know sisters.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: you got to do that, but we were not fans.
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: It was when I was about 17 and Shia was 24 that we started to really bond together and then we started taking trips together and getting to know one another, and then, before we knew it, we're best friends, and that was great.
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: Now, along the path, shiloh starts building a restaurant company, I start building our marketing company and we're both starting to build our own lives.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: I moved to San Diego, california, and then into Florida.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: Shiloh stays home in Reno, nevada, and we're building our own stuff.
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: We're still together and we still miss this partner.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: We mastermind, but we're not like together.
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: Together until 2017.
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: I was pregnant with my first baby, little little Violet, and I moved back home and Shiloh and I began working in the same office together.
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: Now there were a couple of things that we had to do in order to literally get to know one another.
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: And that first thing do in order to literally get to know one another and that first thing was take the time to get to know one another.
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: We already were best friends.
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: We spent all this time together.
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: We have established relationship, but the truth was that I had gone off into San Diego and done this whole life of business growing, and Shiloh had stayed at home and done this whole life of raising a family, and neither of us really knew what each other's pictures looked like, and so we kind of had to date at the beginning and we had to date again.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: We had to go out to lunches and take walks together and listen to one another and understand each other's stories.
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: In fact, just the other day I was thinking about a time, shiloh, where you and I were sitting together and you, kind of in a frustrated moment, you said to me I have a whole thing going on over here with kids and logistics, and every day I have to get up and make lunches and do these things and as somebody who didn't have a kid at the time, I didn't understand the burden that Shiloh was under with three children.
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: But it took us being together over and over and over again, having conversation and courage to communicate.
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: When things got friction full in order to resolve the friction was able to create a solid foundation.
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: That is honestly one of my favorite relationships in my whole life and they really affected business partnership.
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: I'm so glad you ended with courage there, kate, because that was exactly where I wanted to start, and that's just.
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: It takes courage.
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: Like communicating with your loved ones about your vulnerable stuff is like the hardest thing, even for like regular people.
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: So put on top of it the issues that you've you've had and that you've seen, the habits that you've developed, the time that you've spent apart, like it's going to take a lot of courage and vulnerability, which you you're you've been good at flexing the courage muscle, but not the courage plus vulnerability muscle, and that probably feels like absolutely the most anti-military thing to do.
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: So the first is just recognizing and honoring that fact and allowing yourself to hopefully move through it.
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: Now, when you do move through it, a couple of suggestions for you when it comes to that.
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: The first is that personal responsibility piece.
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: What, how, what can you personally be responsible for?
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: Make sure that you're speaking in ways that are respectful to the people around you, that recognize look, I've got a role in this, you've got a role in this.
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: You didn't know what you were signing up for.
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: I didn't know what I was signing up for.
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: Now we're in this situation and we're going to link arms together.
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: Most of the time, issues and challenges, tear families apart and finding a way to say look, we're on the same team.
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: Over and over and over again, even my husband and I, when we're having arguments in our house and they're very constructive sounding come back to the same thing over and over, we say we both want the same thing.
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: So I would encourage everybody out there to anchor on a phrase like that Look, we both want the same thing.
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: We want the kids to be happy.
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: We want us to have enough bank money in the bank account.
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: We both want to be happy and fulfilled in our lives.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: We both want that, but we're coming at it from different angles.
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: At least that allows you to have a more constructive conversation than challenging each other and escalating.
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: So bringing that level of awareness to the courage and vulnerability can help.
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: Now two practical things for you that Kay and I have found along our family business trenches, if you will.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: The first is the use of absolutes.
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: You want to kill a conversation the fastest use absolutes.
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: You always do that, really, 100% of the time.
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: They always do that.
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: Now, what happens when you say that to someone?
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: Is that inside their brain?
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: The brain science goes no, I don't.
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: Here's 15 examples of when I didn't do that and now you've got them in defense mode.
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: There is nothing constructive that is going to happen when you're in defense mode or or when you say you know, you guys, I even hear myself saying to the kids you never clean your rooms.
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: Really, shiloh, they never clean their rooms.
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: That's not true, right.
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: Then they, and history has demonstrated that they do, and I now I'm discounting all the times they have put an effort in the past.
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: So a practical tip for anybody, but especially for those who are having conversations like this, when we're getting to know our family and repairing things, that idea of leaving the absolutes out and even if you have to rewind, you always do that.
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: You know what.
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: I want to take that back.
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: Most of the time I notice that you do that.
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: I want to recognize that it's not every 100% of the time, but most of the time you do this and it really hurts my feelings and upsets me.
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: Can you see how much more open a conversation can be when we don't use an absolute language like that?
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: Okay, final tip for all of you and it's only because I've just recently been reading this book called Super Communicators and it's been helping me understand that there's three different types of communication.
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: But all of that just to tell you that each type of communication requires something different from the listener or the participant.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: So know what kind of help or what kind of response you're looking for and then be able to ask what kind of response they're looking for.
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: And the three responses are do you want help?
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: Do you need to be hugged or do you need to be heard?
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: Right, if your partner just wants to be heard and you're trying to help them solve that problem, you're going to create more problems in your relationship.
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: If they need to be helped and all you're doing is just being empathetic and offering a hug, they're like no, but what do I do?
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: And you're like get in here, right, it's okay to feel the way you feel, like they're not in a feelings conversation, they're in a practical let's figure it out conversation mode.
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: So helping, hugging or hearing are three great ways that you can just classify internally what kind of conversation you're having and how best you can approach it.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: Wow, fantastic, both of you.
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: Thank you, and thank you, kay, for putting that up there for our viewers.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: So we're at the end of the show.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: Don't know how that happened.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: So just really quick, just want to have everybody on the top right-hand corner.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: You can't see it real well right now, but you will when we go off air.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: Here there's a blue QR code.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: Please scan that.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: There are free resources for veterans, some books that I've written.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: We have Facebook groups.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: So you're not going to solitude.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: Get into a community, get involved with your community, with like-minded people.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: So please do that.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: Also, are you guys ready?
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: I'm going to throw you guys under the bus here just a little bit.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: Okay, just a little bit.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: So I asked you for three tips to get veterans and their families further faster.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: I'm just curious if we can get three from each of you.
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: Just three tips for further faster period.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: For veterans and their families.
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: yes, For veterans and their families.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: Okay, Shia, are you ready to roll on that whole topic?
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: I?
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: can come up with it.
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: Yes, for veterans and their families.
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: Okay, cheyenne, are you ready to roll on that whole topic?
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: I can come up with it, but if you've got one going, yeah, I'm ready, I'll go, and then you can get your three jotted down and I'll love to just start us off here.
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: The first one I want to bring forward is what we call one of the neuroencoding formulas, and you've heard us talk about neuroencoding here.
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: Many of you know Michael is a certified neuroencoding elite specialist and he's got all of the training needed to help anybody influence their brains to design that internal environment.
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: We talked earlier about how hard it is to do.
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: Neuroencoding is the science for training your brain to build that internal environment.
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: Not something we can go into completely on the 30-minute podcast here, but what we can share is two of the foundational pieces of brain science that you want to be aware of is that you've likely heard the saying repetition is the mother of skill.
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: That is absolutely true.
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: Whatever skill you want to build or character that you want to build is going to take repetition right.
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: What you do in a day does not make you character.
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: What you do daily does.
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: So repetition is the mother of skill.
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: What neural encoding introduces to us is that there is a father to skill and that father is celebration.
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: You will wire your brain 10 times faster if you add celebration to your repetition.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: Now what does that mean for your brain?
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: Is that you repeat a behavior that you want to ingrain.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: Right, wake up early and work out, and then, when you're done working out, you don't go oh my God, that was the hardest thing ever.
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: You go freak.
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I did that.
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: I did that.
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: I freaking did that.
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: I am amazing.
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: Whatever your flavor of celebration looks like, when we add those two things together repetition plus celebration you wire your brain to give you those results and you design that internal environment better and faster than you would before.
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: So remember that repetition plus celebration equals the development of the fastest skill inside of your brain.
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: The second thing I wanted to bring forward tips for veterans is that weeds in a garden grow naturally.
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: So in the garden of your mind, if you just leave it alone, the weeds will grow naturally.
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: The bad habits, the sleeping in, the endless scrolling on your phone, because it's designed for that right.
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: So those weeds are going to grow naturally and your job is to go in there and say I don't want this, I don't want that.
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: Do you think that it is fun for the weed to get plucked by the root out of the garden?
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: No, so it's going to feel painful when you remove your sweet, sweet dopamine addicting device away from your bed and so that you're not scrolling for 40 minutes in the morning or whatever that is for you.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: So, remembering that our weeds and our environment design them for your success.
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: So weeds grow naturally.
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: If you want anything, you're going to have to go into that garden and cultivate it for yourself.
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: So design your environment for success.
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: And then the final piece here is a concept that we like to call the statue.
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: Anything in your life can be considered this beautiful statue, and so, whether it's the idea of I want to build a character or I want to consider my own character, right now, most of us just stand in front of whatever statue it is and we say I see it.
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: It's this big triangle with three dimensions on it and bricks on the front, and that's what it looks like.
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: But somebody standing from the back of that statue would be like you are absolutely wrong.
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: It is bright, purple, it is a square.
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: They have a completely different perspective Now, whether it's your character or the government, or your kid's future, whatever it is that you put in the middle of your perspective.
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: As you're thinking about things, pick your feet up, move them around the statue, consider other perspectives, allow yourself to be in that student mindset, that ability to say what else am I missing?
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: Because usually from the back of the statue things look totally different, things you can't see from the front.
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: Right, oh snap, the edifice is falling off and there's barely anything holding it together here.
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: Right, we've all seen people like that, where, like they look like they got everything going on and then you read the tell-all book 20 years later.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: That's like they did not in fact have everything going on.
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: Right, so that's the back of the statue.
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: So what can you?
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: Walk around and move your feet around.
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: The more you do that, the better off you'll be and the further and faster you'll grow.
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: So, okay, I hope that allowed you to come up with your own three.
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: I'm sure that was.
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: Shy, that was fantastic, Thank you, thank you.
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: Inspired, triggered, excited, and here for it.
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: Kate, did she use any of yours that you had to come up with another one?
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: She didn't.
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: Actually, I'm very grateful.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: I was like I was ready to roll.
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: So thank you so much, shai.
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: I'm so glad that you brought those forward.
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: Now, the very first tip that we have, or that I have for you all, comes from Shaila and I's shared favorite book of all time.
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: So if you're going to get a book any book at all go get this one.
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: It is called the Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: Now, this is a book that has changed and transformed Shiloh and I's lives in an incredible way.
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: The core tenet of the book that we love so much that I want to leave you all with the first tip for going further, faster here is that you are not the voice of the mind, you are the one who hears it.
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: Now there is a voice that narrates your life.
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: It looks like I might be chopping up here a little bit.
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: Let my computer catch up.
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: Just a little bit.
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're good.
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: Okay, good, so you are the one who hears it.
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: You are not this voice in the mind.
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: Now, it's easy to hear a voice speaking in your mind, talking to you, telling you whatever it is that it's saying.
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: Oftentimes it's narrating things like wow, it's a little cold in here, should I go get lunch today, or did my wife look at me funny this morning, or whatever.
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: It is that constant narration.
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: It's easy to get sucked into what it has to say and oftentimes we confuse our own identity with that voice, instead of separating who it is that we are with the narration that's happening inside of our minds.
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: Now, our mind, this is actually.
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: Tip number two are biological supercomputers.
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: Luckily, you were born with the biological supercomputer that allows you to create decisions, to make a plan, to do all kinds of amazing things with your executive functioning and your biological supercomputer.
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: Tip number two it, just like a regular computer, speaks in zeros and ones.
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: Your brain speaks in Qs and as that little voice that's going all the time is asking you questions constantly, and so when we ask ourselves better questions, we get better answers, and when our brain is giving us better answers, we get better thoughts, which leads to a better reality.
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: Joseph McClendon III says as I think, so I feel, as I feel, so I do, as I do, so I have.
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: And if we are thinking better, how do we do that?
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: Well, we start by asking ourselves better questions, because the you that has separation from the voice actually controls the voice.
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: So, ask the better questions and get better answers.
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: Now, the final thing that I'll say here is that you've got to stand guard at the gate of your mind.
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: Now, the resources.
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: I want you to imagine you're on a battlefield, right, and you collect resources.
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: The government spends all the money that they can to bring these resources to a foreign place, right, and then what do you do?
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: We build a fort around it, we put tanks around it, we protect it.
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: We protect the resources that are physical.
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: It's the same thing that we have to do with the resources in between our two ears.
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: The resources in that six inches of real estate need protecting and they require somebody to stand guard and say yes to the thoughts that are constructed and no to the thoughts that are destructive.
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: Because, again, as I think, so I feel, as I feel, so I do as I do, so I have.
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: So remember tip number one you're not the voice in your mind.
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: You're the one who hears it.
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: Tip number two you take control of that voice by asking better questions of yourself so that you can get better answers.
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: And then, number three, remembering that what you cultivate with that Q&A, with that separation and with your intentional thinking, what you cultivate needs to be protected and the momentum of that positive environment internally will absolutely transform your life.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: Fantastic.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: I mean you were breaking up just a tiny bit, but the audio came through pretty well, so awesome.
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: You know, I think is this where we ask for credit cards, Because you guys just laid down all that information.
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: First time's free awesome.
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: You know, I think is this where we ask for credit cards Because you guys just laid down all that information.
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: You guys are absolutely fantastic.
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much, and you are officially our longest podcast now, so thank you for spending the extra time.
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: Really appreciate it.
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: Happy to be here, michael.
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: We absolutely adored it.
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: We're happy to add value.
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: Congratulations to all of you out there who are adding value to yourself.
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: Thank you for being part of this, for being part of this interview, and we appreciate being Voices in the Year.
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: We hope to continue to do so.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: Okay, anything final?
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: Thank you all.
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: We appreciate you, we love you and keep on keeping on.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: Amen, appreciate you.
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: We love you and keep on keeping on.
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: Amen, love it, absolutely love it.
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: So, um, ladies just want to thank you and and our listeners and our future podcast listeners.
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: Um, as humans, most important resource we have is time.
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: We don't get it back.
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for spending this time.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: It has been an amazing honor.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: Um, thank you for helping get the word out for veterans and their families and giving them some extra skills.
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: So appreciate it.
• 39:41
  Speaker 3: Thanks everybody.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: And on that note, we're out of here.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your Thoughts your Reality podcast, with your host, michael Cole.
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit empowerperformancestrategiescom.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: Remember your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: Catch you on the next episode.