Latest / Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast / Embracing the Present: Dai Henwood on Life, Laughter, and Mental Health

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Embracing the Present: Dai Henwood on Life, Laughter, and Mental Health · Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: With the John and Ben Podcast.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Cheers to Dilma making the world a better tea.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: To guy Head, Hello, how are you? Oh phenomenal, It's
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: lovely to be chatting with you.
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: I se have you on now. A three part series
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: is going to be starting next week on three as well.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: Living That Die. That seemed like from the trailer nothing
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: off limits to what you were going through.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: No, this documentary series is probably the piece of work
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: I've been most proud of in my life. It's been
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: It was very cathartic, confronting, funny to make. It's probably
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: the funniest cancer documentary any normal see. Because it also
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: tracks me writing stand up show that I performed at
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: the State Opera House in Wellington. It's got I go
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: over to Japan, which is sort of a spiritual home
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: to me, and I do sort of a a full
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: death ceremony with a Buddhist monk. It's got a bit
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: of everything. It's got tools for people who are dealing
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: with adversity, and it was it was pretty insane just
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: letting it all hang out and trusting Justin Hawkes who
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: who was directing it to make it look good.
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah, was there were you aware that there were cameras
• 1:23
  Speaker 4: following you around. All that sort of drops away pretty quickly.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: It was What was quite strange is having a camera
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: in doing chemotherapy and scans in that, because that's such
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: a vulnerable time. However, in watching it back, it's so
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: important because I didn't even know what chemotherapy. Well I
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: knew what chemotherapy was, but I didn't know how it
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: actually happened and all that sort of carry on. So
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: this demystifies it for a lot of people, and I
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: think that'll be really helpful for humans who have loved
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: ones or friends who are going through chemo therapy to
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: actually understand what the process is.
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: Like, yeah, I'm sure this all this documentary will help
• 2:11
  Speaker 4: and shine a light in so many areas. With their
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: moments we are like, sorry, guys, I just need the
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: cameras off for this.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: I made an internal decision not to do that. So
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Dom Freyer who shot it, became a very close friend,
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: and Justin who directed it, became a very close friend.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: So it was like having a little group of mates,
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: and they were so understanding and they knew when to
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: just naturally pull back a little bit and not telling
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: them to turn the cameras off is what actually I
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: think made this into such a personal and a beautiful
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: journey to watch. It has its own amazing sort of
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: style that Justin Hawks has put on it. He directed
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: All Paddy Gower documentary, so he really knows what he's doing.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: And watching it back, I mean tugs at my heartstrings.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: I mean I had a little cry. My mom's in
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: it quite a bit. She's been amazing support for me
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: and sort of part of my medical team. So yeah,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: I'm a real private person. So this was quite a
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: trip filming this, and it'll be quite a trip when
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: it sort of goes out publicly.
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: Well, you've already done, you know, so much, if she
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: had so much, I've been so brave and sharing so
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: much through your journey, you know, with cancer. But to
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: do this was that another big decision to say, hey,
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: I'm going to make a documentary for three parts, three
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: nights on TV.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: It was huge because I sort of did the book thing,
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: and the book and the documentary are very different. But
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: the book felt more isolated because it's just words. It's
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: just you're do it on paper, you get to go
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: over it and over it, whereas this is just me,
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: me and my story, and there's a few medical elements
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: in and around research is going on, but it was
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: a huge jump. I got approached early on in my
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: own journey to see if I wanted to do something
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: like this, and the time wasn't right. And then we
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: filmed this over a year and I'd sort of got
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: to a point where I could really tell my story
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: properly and impart some knowledge and any wisdom I've learned
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: along the way. So the time was right. It was hard,
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: but it was so worth it.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: Why do you why do you want to do this?
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: Because I just think if it was me, I just
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: want to do it privately and just be you know,
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: because like you say, you're so vulnerable. But why is
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: it important to show all this?
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: That's a phenomenal question, Megan, And when I am wondering why.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: You have amazing that you are, but I'm just like,
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: it's so brave.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: On top of everything you're going through. Yeah, yeah, it's
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: this is weird because so I cancer has robbed me
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: of so much work. What makes me feel vital and
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: a real excited human being is doing comedy, making TV,
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: making live stage shows. I love the process of it
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: all and I've lost so much work due to cancer.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: I've had to turn down so many awesome projects. And
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: in a way, this was me being able to make
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: a project and create while I was doing this hard treatment.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: So it became a slight distraction to the treatment, which
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: was so useful and I could. So it was weird
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: because normally when I'm on screen, when I was doing
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: C four shows to seven days, I'm sort of in
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: performance mode, and the character of Die Hendward where it
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: is this, I'm just Die Hendward. I'm quiet because when
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: you're doing chemo, you're you're not sort of in performance mode.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: You're very low key. So people see a different side
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: of me. And I don't know exactly why I did it,
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: but I'm really stoked I did it.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: Seems incredible. Three nights on the three Next Week three
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: parts series Living That Die. It is a mental health week.
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: This week they die and you know you've you. I
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: just amazes all of us just how incredible you have been.
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: And I know watching the doc oh there's highs and
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: lows through it all, but how have you managed to
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: keep your mental health up going through all this.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Mental health So I've been amazingly lucky because Throughout my life,
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: I've never suffered deep anxiety, deep depression, or anything. So
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: when this came a long, it gave me anxiety, it
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: gave me a bit of depression, but it wasn't mounting
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: on an underlying condition. However, due to that anxiety, due
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: to the depression that comes up, I've had to find tools,
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: practical tools that work quickly, and I've found one. This
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: sounds bizarre, but gratitude really works for me. People might
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: think I don't have much to be grateful for. I've
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: got an incurable stage four cancer diagnosis. But if you
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: actually take a moment to just be grateful for the
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: little things like I've got a nice backyard, i can
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: sit and look at a tree, I've got amazing children,
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: I've got the most loving and supporting wife. Taking a
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: moment to think about the smallest things that you're grateful
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: for bring you into the moment and bring you happiness.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: And also when your spiral mentally, when you can't shake thoughts,
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: when you are just digging in and you can't change
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: your state, I've found the quickest way to change your
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: state is to massively change your temperature. So for me,
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: that's getting into a cold shower, and it just freaks
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: the Jesus out of my body and my brain, but
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: it actually moves, it shifts your mind. So if I'm
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: really freaking out, I'll just get into a cold shower,
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: or I'll just try and breathe five seconds in, five
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: seconds out for three minutes. And those three tools gratitude,
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: changing your temperature to change your state, and breathing massively
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: help me. And I use those pretty much every day.
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: Jeez, the way you've conducted yourself and handled yourself over
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: the last couple of years, mate, is honestly, it's such
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: a testament to who you are as a personal I
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: think about you saying this the other day. Every day
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: I think about you and decisions.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: That come up and.
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: You know, mundane life things that come up for people
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: that aren't going through this journey like you are. And
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: I honestly, I think you've inspired so many and I
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: imagine a lot from this documentary will be taken away
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: a lot of inspiration by people on how to approach
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: life like the way you're doing it is.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: It's honestly inspirational. Well, I've got to conduct myself with
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: some sort of decorum. Over the last four years. Because
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: I spent twenty years of my life acting with no
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: decorum and filming Man and putting it on TV. I
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: caused my brand so much damage in my early days
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: that now I'm getting it back to.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: A wonderful saying that you had. I think I read
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: you said about optimism. I won't cure me, but pessimism
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: will will kill me, which is a good way look
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: at things.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: You know that that is my mantra, because look you can.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: You should see that. I get sense so many messages
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: around people with who have quirky ways of healing and
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: all that sort of stuff. Right. I don't think optimism
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: positive thinking is going to get rid of my cancer,
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: but it's one tool in the box. The fact that
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: I've remained optimistic and positive is what's kept me on
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: the road. And that's the thing. I'm in chemotherapy at
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: the moment. I do one week on, one week off.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: I feel good for about six days out of that fourteen,
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: and to me it's like boom, I've got six days.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: Let's get into it. Let's do some stuff, not hoping
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: around thinking about the next round, just getting into life.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: Because there is no past and there is no future.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: There literally is right now, because the future, when we're there,
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: it'll just be right now. So all I have is
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: right now, and I feel great today. So that optimism
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: is what carries me through beautiful words. You're a special man,
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: you really are, and and you three I always love
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: gent struggling to talk.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: It's amazing what you're saying. Before we go, let's bring
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: out this change gear slightly, Sean Johnson, Do you retire
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: too soon? I think one more year.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Look, this is something john was saying. He thinks about
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: me every day. I think about the question you just
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: as I.
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: Went from daily and pretty much should have been daily
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: and player of the n r L, came back, had
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: some injuries, retired. He's still good for another one two years.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: I know, And now we're like, do we need We've
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: got a sort out of half. So we had, we
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: had Shawn Johnson, and now I see he slipped very
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: nicely into a bit of talking heads on Fox League,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: which is probably a bit bitter for your your body composition,
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Solomon and the like, But hey, I've just felt blessed
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: that basicly in the biggest part of my league loving
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: life the last fifteen years. A majority of that it's
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: been watching Sean Johnson at his best. Plus I got
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: to watch Stacy Jones at his best. So ah, just
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: busy who's going to.
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: Be had a great way to round that.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: I enjoy catch up with time better, Oh Die.
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: I will congratulations on you know, firstly just putting yourself
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: out there and everything you have done for New Zealand.
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: And then that's not putting it lightly you. You being
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: so vulnerable and being so open about your story has
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: helped so many and no doubt this documentary will do
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: the same, mate.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: He thanks. And also just quickly before I go, I
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: want to say to anyone who is dealing with mental
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: health issues, do not be afraid to reach out to
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: your friends, and if things are really serious, honestly reach
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: out to a health professional. When you start talking about
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: out things, those problems do dissipate that the air comes
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: out of the balloon a bit. You have support and
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: there are people who love you so so look after
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: yourself and get talking. We love you.
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: I love you lots, mate, I appreciate you all this
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: morning