Latest / So Shameless / Putting The Medicine In The Candy

Transcript

Putting The Medicine In The Candy · So Shameless

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Yo, she was perfect. Bro, what's it called? I feel
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: like I'm in trouble. It was like a statue. Energy
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: done changed. I did something wrong. Jesus Christ. She Lord
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Baltimore the nigga. You cannot bring that man's name up
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: in my presence. You good? Are you okay? I'm good. Jesus.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: By the way, Naming your kid Jesus is kind of crazy.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: Naming your kid Jesus is kind of crazy.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: That's crazy. You would name your kid Jesus? Like, what
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: kind of shit is that? Come on. Come on, Hispanic
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: people got to do better than that. That's not crazy.
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: Has anybody actually named their child Jesus? The spelling? It's
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: just Jesus.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: No, really? Yeah. Oh, shit.
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: I don't know enough Spanish.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: The spelling, yes. Oh, wow. Yeah, but Jesus is out here.
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: They call him Jesus.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Jesus?
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Jesus. Come on, bro. Stop. Come on.
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: Is it?
• 0:59
  Speaker 5: Oh, forget it. I was going to say, there's a
• 1:02
  Speaker 5: gay kid at the school named that.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Named Jesus or Jesus? Jesus. You said a gay kid? Really?
• 1:08
  Speaker 5: Seriously, he's Spanish.
• 1:10
  Speaker 4: No.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: You can't do that. I swear. I'm chomping. I'm chilling.
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: I'm not doing it.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing it. I'm chilling. I'm not doing it.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing it.
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: I'm chilling.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Y'all don't. Y'all don't. Y'all don't. Y'all don't. Y'all don't.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: Y'all don't.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: Y'all don't.
• 1:28
  Speaker 6: Y'all don't.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Y'all don't. Y'all don't. Damn. They're going to cancel a
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: lot of us. Oh, man. While we were... Welcome back
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: to So Shameless.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: I am still here with Kizzle from Express Yourself Black
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: Men and Coach Bellamy from the Hard or Soft Raw show.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Amongst other things, what else you got going on out
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: there in Philly?
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: Oh, man, in Philly, a whole bunch of stuff. Right now,
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: my program is up and running, Unbound 90-Day Program, where
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: I work with entrepreneurs during the cold season, during those
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: depressed times, and make sure that they understand the ways
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: in which their mental, emotional effects and impacts that bottom line.
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: I'm going to be in Raleigh, North Carolina next weekend
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: for their 17th Annual Film Festival. One of my podcasts,
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: Crazy Is My Trigger Word, I picked up to go
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: in there.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Fire. Yeah.
• 2:36
  Speaker 6: Dope.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Dope.
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: I'm outside.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: Man, I tell you, man, that needing vitamin D.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: During that cold season. Oh. You all right? Uh-huh. It's actually,
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: the sunlight? Yes. Am I getting slipped into an episode
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: of Horror Stories? What's going on? No, no, no. Am
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: I bugging? No.
• 2:59
  Speaker 7: I'm not supposed to say that?
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: You're not supposed to say that?
• 3:04
  Speaker 7: I mean.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I didn't like the way you said it, but I
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: was like. You said it slipped in there.
• 3:08
  Speaker 5: I didn't like it. I didn't like it, but it's good.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Is it? Wait, that's a real thing.
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: No, for sure it is a real thing. I'm just
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: saying the way you said it.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: That's the whole thing behind Unbound, right?
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: Well, Unbound is, yes, during those cold seasons.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: People get depressed. What do they call it?
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: Depressed.
• 3:26
  Speaker 4: No.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: Seasonal depression. Seasonal depression.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Because of what?
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: Because of being outside and not getting as much exposure
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: to the sun.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Which is what, son?
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: Vitamin D.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Vitamin D. Y'all not going to do me like that.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: You could have said UV rays. You just didn't. UV rays? No,
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: UV rays. This thing is crazy. He could have just
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: said he.
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: Don't get enough sun.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? This is what I'm talking about.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: Everywhere I go, people think I'm talking about dick.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Bro, it's vitamin D.
• 3:54
  Speaker 5: I don't like the way you're saying D.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: The D just has too much.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: He's emphasizing the D.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: I don't like it. I don't like it.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: In any case uh when we were on break i
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: spoke to the people here about the movie if i
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: go will they miss me and the meaning behind it
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: and everything uh i had a whole outline for the
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: second show second show is normally very light-headed we are
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: not light-headed it's light we argue about men versus women
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: we do all the things and maybe we'll get there
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: but There are some things that I think that the
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: people here, our guests here, specialize in.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: And it is therapy-based. It is how to get through
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: certain shit.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: One of the things I believe one of the characters,
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: who is a male character, in the movie we're going
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: through is a feeling of not being enough.
• 5:00
  Speaker 7: Mm-hmm.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: As a man, I've been there. And I think that.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I took that out because, so what happens is you
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: not only posture yourself, you act like, I don't need nobody.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: I don't give a fuck about nothing. But I think
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: that comes from some type of disappointment that I had
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: within myself. Do y'all understand that? And so I project, right?
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: And a lot of people catch those daggers. A lot
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: of people, most people that love you catch those daggers.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: And they get wounded by that because you almost feel
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: like you're not worthy of their love. Because you don't
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: see that for yourself. Have y'all seen that in people
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: that y'all talk to?
• 5:46
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: How do you deal with feelings? How do you tell people.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: To deal with feelings of not being enough?
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: Especially as a man.
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: As a man, dealing with feelings of not being enough?
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: You got to identify where that's coming from first.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: Finance. Okay. Dick not being big enough.
• 6:09
  Speaker 5: Sorry.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: Sorry. I see where the vitamin D came from.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: Well, women not liking you, not having the money, not
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: being able to take care of your kids, seeing other
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: people be able to do things for their kids. For instance,
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: my daughter, when she went to school, I could only
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: pay but so much.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: She had to take out a loan. I could only
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: pay but so much and I wanted to be able
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: to do more. Yeah. But I just didn't have the
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: finances to do it. Right.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: That shit make you feel it where you looking at
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: your kid who's supposed to, you know, be there, be
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: this example and you don't have it.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That shit can make you feel it.
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: Does that make you a failure as a man?
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: It makes you feel like that. It makes you feel
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: like that. I think it can make you.
• 6:50
  Speaker 5: Feel that way. Right.
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: So then my question to you is why? We always
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: got to ask the why because I feel like what
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: you're saying are like symptoms of like an actual root
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: that we're not addressing. So like, a woman not liking you,
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: you not having enough money, dick not being big enough, right?
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: All of these... Him saying it is crazy. I was good.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: I was cool.
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: I was good.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: You were so serious. You did so good. You shouldn't
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: have broke.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: You shouldn't have cracked. You did so good.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: He said it too slow. He said it too slow.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: Like, It got him. We couldn't even keep it.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: We tried, y'all. We tried.
• 7:38
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry. It was going to be so good. I
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: tried to keep it. I was with you, friend.
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: It was a good clip. You were so good.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: Shit. I'm sorry. Go ahead, man.
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: I should have put it in the middle.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: That's what she said. Yeah, that's right. Damn. Oh, shit.
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: All right, let me get back on track. But now
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: what I was saying, all of those things are symptoms.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Of a root.
• 8:04
  Speaker 4: And if we don't get to the root, we're always
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: just playing whack-a-mole. You understand what I'm saying? It's always
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: just going to come back up. It's going to get
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: triggered again some other way. And then you're going to
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: have to navigate it again in that instance.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: How do you find what the root is?
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: Gotta go back to childhood a little bit so like
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: this is where you think about like when you think
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: about therapy modalities you think about like uh cognitive behavioral
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: therapy with that modality what they're doing is essentially looking
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: at how your behavior is influenced by some of the
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: things that you went through in childhood and then there's
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: scores that people get assessed in when you think about
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: aces like that's adverse childhood experiences so there's a study
• 8:44
  Speaker 4: that says if you have a certain number of Like
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: childhood experiences that relate to trauma, then there's going to
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: be a certain, you have a certain propensity to have
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: different things that come up in adulthood. And that can
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: be used to then determine whether or not you have
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: things that you need to kind of address.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: Here's the thing. Yeah. You're speaking about things that come
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: up in therapy. Yeah. Most people I know are not
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: getting to therapy.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: They're not going to do, especially the men that are
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: going through this, because they're scared of.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: Actually finding the things that's making them feel that way.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: They're not scared. It's adverse because men got to think
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: about being scared. It's the phobia part. I'm not scared
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: of nothing.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: I'm not scared. Why are you saying scared? I see
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: him talking about it. I was like, yo, bro, it's
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: just a word. Relax. It's not that deep. But no,
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: you're saying I'm scared? I ain't scared of nothing. But
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: so why don't you go to therapy? Yeah. Well, I
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: don't need it. No, you do. Yeah, we all do. Yeah. Yeah.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: It's not that.
• 9:51
  Speaker 4: So what men that have that thought process, I always. One,
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: first of all, I don't like us not using the
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: word scared one because. we're lying and then we're coddling
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: like we're like we're coddling now because we're not using
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: the right word we're not using the right term so
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: we can't even have we can't even get to truth
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: now so now I'm trying to make you feel comfortable
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: where you are by lying to you so I just
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: like to get so you think the word scared is
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: appropriate yes You're afraid.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: Of what? If I was the man that's telling you
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: I'm not scared of nothing, how are you going to.
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: First of all, I would have to know a little
• 10:32
  Speaker 4: bit more about you to make the assertion that you
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: are scared. But let's just assume that I know enough
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: about you to say that you actually do need to
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: be in therapy, but you are scared of approaching whatever
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: trauma it is. I would say, what is it that...
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: Why does you talking about your childhood... Make you uncomfortable.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: What happened?
• 10:56
  Speaker 4: And then there's automatically something that pops in your head.
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: That's exactly what it is. I used to talk to
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: my therapist a lot and she would ask me a
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: question and something would pop in my head. And then
• 11:06
  Speaker 4: I would change the answer when I talked to her,
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: when I.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: Told her the response. No way. Why?
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: Because I wasn't comfortable.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: Oh, you weren't able to be vulnerable.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: Not yet. Yeah. So sometimes we as men do that. Mm-hmm.
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: We have a subconscious that's telling us, this is what
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: it is, nigga.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Nigga, this is what it is.
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: And then consciously, we don't like the subconscious answer, so
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: we change it.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: We change it to something else. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That's nuts.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: That's deep. But it's actually very real.
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: It's very real.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: When did you find the comfort to actually say the truth?
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: How long did it take?
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: First of all, it's not one... There's no routine or process, one.
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: But also, it's not with everything. There's certain things that
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: will happen with it.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: And sometimes.
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: she would be able to catch me in it because
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: I would subconsciously just blurt it out. And then consciously
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: I'm changing it as I'm talking to her in the conversation.
• 11:57
  Speaker 4: So let's say she'd be like, um, like I'm engaged
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: right now.
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: Like I'm just using a hypothetical. I don't want people
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: to go crazy.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, you don't care about his woman. Right.
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: But I'm gonna use me as a hypothetical.
• 12:05
  Speaker 7: Right.
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: Let's say I was in therapy right now. I'm talking
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: to my therapist and I'm like, and I'm like, um,
• 12:11
  Speaker 4: I'm nervous about this wedding. And she goes, well, why
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: are you nervous? Don't you want to get married? And
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: I say, no.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Like, I'll be like, no, Well, she wants to get married.
• 12:20
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: Like, let's say subconsciously where I say no.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: Then I'm like, no, no, no.
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: It's not that I don't want to get married.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: It's that, you know, she'd be like, no. Why did
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: you say no?
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: Because that's the answer. The answer is no, I don't
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: want to get married. But we're uncomfortable with the truth.
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: So now we're trying to subconsciously change it. Again, this
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: is not my scenario. Right. But just saying like that's
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: that's if somebody was going through that, that's an uncomfortable truth.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: But that's their actual truth. Now, it doesn't mean that
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: you don't get married. It doesn't mean that that this
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: is not the situation for you. But by consciously changing it,
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: now you've changed the meaning and what it is that
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: you're actually going through to something else. And now we're
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: diagnosing and dealing with something else.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: Rather than what the actual.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: Really don't have nothing to do with the real thing.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 13:05
  Speaker 4: And that's the problem. So that's what going back to
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: your point. And now that's a whole lie.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: The whole thing now is a lie. It's a whole lie.
• 13:10
  Speaker 4: That's why going back to your point, that's why I
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: said I don't like changing the word. Because now we're
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: coddling and we're lying. And we can't deal with the root.
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: Because I'm trying to make you feel comfortable.
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: But that's how y'all are raised as boys.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: Boys don't cry. Toughen up. What's wrong with you? Come on.
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: Ain't nothing wrong with you. What you sad for?
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: That's not coddling.
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: No, I'm not saying it's coddling.
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: Get to your point.
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: I'm talking about the language that when we're talking, when
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: he's saying, where does that come from, right? Why is
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: it that men struggle with being able to say that
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: they're afraid or they're scared? Because when y'all were little boys,
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: y'all weren't allowed to express your emotional states, right? Like
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: the only thing you were allowed to express was anger.
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: And then you're told that that's not an emotion when
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: it's one of the main ones, right? So to me,
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: it's easy to see. why you would get to that space.
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: Because you weren't given the opportunity to express yourself as
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: a child. Y'all, most men weren't.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 14:10
  Speaker 5: And what we did.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: And didn't think it was, that's not masculine, it's not manly.
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: Because that's what you were taught. No matter if it
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: was from men or women.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Sound like a bitch. Yes.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: You're taking the words that was shared with you and
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: you've not only just echoed them, but you made them
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: your own language. You put it in your own terms.
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: You put it in your own tone.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: You know what's crazy? What?
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: As an adult, there's very few people that even tell
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: men not to express themselves.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: As we get older, we do it.
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: Think about it. If you started crying, most people, they
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: might get uncomfortable, but they're not going to tell you, Tahoe,
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: stop crying.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: You're a grown-ass man.
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: I'm not going to tell you to stop crying.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: Well, it's a preset now. Yeah, we do it, though.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: That's my point.
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: You get what I'm saying? We are now our own oppressors.
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: The language has now become our own. And that's why
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: part of therapy, what therapists will do is they try
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: to get you to understand that, yes, while trauma did
• 15:06
  Speaker 4: occur when you were younger, while people may have done
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: certain things to you that led to you having to
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: have maladaptive, negative learned behaviors that now you act out on,
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: it is now your responsibility as a grown man or
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: an adult or person to actually do the work.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah. To resolve that. Doing that with all the other
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: shit that you got going on.
• 15:27
  Speaker 6: Nobody.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: And that's the most. We're supposed to be like Superman.
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: What do you mean by that?
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: We have to take care of everybody. I was just
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: saying that. You got to take care of your mom,
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: your girl, your kids. Yeah. One income. The world is
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: telling you this. True. Okay. Not saying that this is
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: actually real because I believe in the house, your woman
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: loves you. She's helping. Yo, for sure. A thousand percent. Yeah.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: But the world is telling you, you're not a real
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: man if you need help. Yeah. So you got to
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: just stand up to that and then say, yo, I'm
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: weak on this end. I need help on this end.
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: How?
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: You're not supposed to need help. You're not a real man.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: You remember back in the day when you would say,
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: come home to your mom and you get in trouble, right?
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: And your mom be like, why did you do that?
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: And you go, because they did it. And your mom say, well,
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: who was they? That's what I feel. It's like when
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: we were saying the world, who was the world?
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: What about your world?
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: Women teach you that too though. Men teach you that
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: and women teach you that.
• 16:28
  Speaker 5: For sure.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: Other men teach you that and women teach you that.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: That you actually have interaction with. And they don't say
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: you're supposed to. They respond to you a certain way
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: when you go the other way.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: So you get positive reaction by being the negative image.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: You get a positive from the women. You get a
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: positive from other niggas.
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: But that's certain women, certain niggas. Where I'm coming from is,
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: where my point was, is that sometimes where you got
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: to be brave enough to change the world around you.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: Which is very difficult, for sure. For sure it is.
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: But when we talking about it working out in your
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: favor in the long run, it being the best for you,
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: you being able to express yourself, you being able to
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: be seen, validated, feel heard and loved, it's worth it.
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: At some point, you just got to force people in
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: your life into, like, what you want your world to be.
• 17:21
  Speaker 4: I was just talking to Mo. Mo has a podcast
• 17:25
  Speaker 4: as well. It's called the Your Mental Matters podcast.
• 17:28
  Speaker 5: Yes, of course.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know Mo, right?
• 17:29
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: Mo, and she's a therapist, too. She's dope.
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: So I was just talking to her, and we were
• 17:34
  Speaker 4: talking about dating and relationships, and she was like, I
• 17:36
  Speaker 4: don't like when guys, like, they'll say, where do you
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: want to go?
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: And I was like, you know, the reason why guys
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: do that is because they want to make the date
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: memorable for you and they want it to be a
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: good date so they ask you where you want to
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: go because they assume you have a good place that
• 17:50
  Speaker 4: you want to go and all that kind of stuff
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: but then i was like i understand from my conversations
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: with women that they want to be part of the
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: execution but not part of the preparation so they don't
• 18:00
  Speaker 4: want to help with preparing for the date they just
• 18:03
  Speaker 4: want to show up for the date and have a
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: good time so it's on us to set the vibe
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: and the mood right so saying all that to say
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: right like we have to have our own world right
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: And if we have our own world, we can bring
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: somebody else into it. So with the dating thing, you
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: can bring somebody into your world and it'll help so
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: that the date doesn't feel like it's being set up
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: by them. Women don't have to feel like they're preparing
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: for it. You don't have to feel like you have
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: to wait for her to prep for it. And what
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: I'm talking about with the mental health is like, We
• 18:37
  Speaker 4: need to have our own standards for what it is
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: that we want our world to look like. We can't
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: be so set on what society has set us up
• 18:45
  Speaker 4: with when it comes to socialization that that's the only
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: thing that we have for ourselves as far as what
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: the standards should be. So we got to force people
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: into what we want our world to be. We have
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: to have our own standards. And once you have that,
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: you communicate it with people around you.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: You guys brought up coddling. Talk about it. I have
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: a clip here. Oh, Lord.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: How is he ready?
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: I know I love me a good clip. I don't
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: know how the fuck this happens, but y'all just be.
• 19:14
  Speaker 8: 60% of the time, my kids may not even like me.
• 19:16
  Speaker 8: They may look at me like, where's mommy? That is
• 19:19
  Speaker 8: a load I carry that my kids see me as like,
• 19:24
  Speaker 8: you know.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: The monster. The monster, right? And that's something that I
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: don't want. I deal with the fact of.
• 19:31
  Speaker 8: I want to be gentle and I want to be
• 19:34
  Speaker 8: loving and nurturing. And I do like I struggle with
• 19:38
  Speaker 8: now every moment being a teaching moment.
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 19:42
  Speaker 8: So now it's like I have to sacrifice. Sometimes I
• 19:46
  Speaker 8: sacrifice nurture for the lesson.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:50
  Speaker 8: That weighs on me because I know the lesson is
• 19:54
  Speaker 8: something that is going to be hugely valuable to you.
• 19:57
  Speaker 8: But I also know the nurturing part is important, especially
• 20:00
  Speaker 8: from your father. I'm proud of you, which is why
• 20:03
  Speaker 8: I constantly try to give them the, hey, I'm proud
• 20:06
  Speaker 8: of you. And, you know, them able to say that,
• 20:09
  Speaker 8: you know, they're proud of themselves. But I know, for instance,
• 20:11
  Speaker 8: like my father.
• 20:13
  Speaker 5: Didn't get.
• 20:15
  Speaker 8: His validation until I was like. 27, 30 years old, right?
• 20:20
  Speaker 8: But I looked at him like, this man, like, God,
• 20:26
  Speaker 8: this who you got me out here with?
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: As a child, I looked at him like that.
• 20:33
  Speaker 8: As an adult with a successful business, a successful marriage
• 20:38
  Speaker 8: and kids and a home and a follower of Christ
• 20:42
  Speaker 8: and all of those things, I look at God now like,
• 20:46
  Speaker 8: you saw fit to bless me with him right right
• 20:50
  Speaker 8: because everything that he was teaching and instill I now
• 20:53
  Speaker 8: utilize today that's a weight because the weight of it
• 20:57
  Speaker 8: is will I get the same thing I have I
• 21:00
  Speaker 8: have to have a delay gratification I'm not an instant
• 21:03
  Speaker 8: gratification father so yes I'm constantly correcting or or doing
• 21:11
  Speaker 8: those things and sometimes the weight of I know that
• 21:14
  Speaker 8: it jeopardizes Our relationship at times. I know it puts
• 21:17
  Speaker 8: a stinger on it. So I carry the weight of
• 21:21
  Speaker 8: their 60% of the time my kids may not even
• 21:24
  Speaker 8: like me.
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 21:26
  Speaker 8: They love me. And 40%, I'm playing a game with them.
• 21:29
  Speaker 8: I'm doing all of those things. But 60% of the
• 21:32
  Speaker 8: time they may look at me like, where's mommy?
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: I mean, that might be a little high.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: 55.
• 21:39
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 21:39
  Speaker 8: But that's a weight. 60% of the time my kids.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: Can I say something to that?
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: I would argue that he's probably a little bit harder
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: on himself than what's actually going on in the household.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: And we do that as men. We're very critical.
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: And when a parent is actually doing a good job,
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: they actually are more critical of themselves. That actually shows
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: that you're being introspective because you're thinking about, do my
• 22:04
  Speaker 4: kids actually like me? That's actually an indicator that you
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: probably are a good parent.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: Well, you kind of get put into the disciplinary role.
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: I don't know if every father feels that way, but
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: I know my BM calls me immediately.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And so they're like, oh, no, don't call dad. Yeah.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: But now that affects the way my kids look at me. Right.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: You're the warm one, the fun one. Yeah. And then
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: when there's something wrong, call your dad. Don't let me
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: call him. Yeah. And I got to be the punisher. Yeah.
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: But do you have to... So that was my other point.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: When you.
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: Because I don't want to say punish. When you correct,
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: does the correction have to have a negative sting to it?
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: So I've learned that. Like, does it have to leave
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: an aftertaste? So, you know what's funny? For real, yeah.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: When I was a new parent, because remember, I have
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: three biological kids. So my daughter got one version of me.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: And that version of me.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: Was what my mother taught me. That was... Right? Belt
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: to ass.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: Not only beat my daughter once. I believe maybe once.
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: And that shit hurt me so much. And it brought
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: so much trauma out of me. I'm never doing that again.
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: Because that reminded me of how I felt for one.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: Let alone the fact that I love my daughter. This
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: don't feel like love. This don't feel like love to me.
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: I'm not doing this no more. I came up here
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: and broke down.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: She was hurt. And you know how they say, oh,
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: this is going to hurt me more than hurt you?
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: I was hurt, bro. Because I fought for my relationship
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: with my daughter. Why am I putting my hands on
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: her and shit? Like, I'm not. You know what I mean?
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: So my son, my daughter got one version of me.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: And my son's got another one. Especially because by the
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: time I was really like the disciplinarian, I was growing
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: myself as a man, as a human being.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I would.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: Call him and say, like, yo, but why did you
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: do that? But you know, now that you do that,
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: this is what's going to happen next. Do you want
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: to feel like that? Do you want to disappoint your mom?
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: Do you want to be on punishment?
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: Like, you don't want that. So why don't you do
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: this instead, right?
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: And so that became the discipline to what you said, right?
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Like, put the medicine in the candy. See what I'm
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: telling you? I know that means something. Listen, I'm... What?
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: It's medicine. It's not just drugs. It's medicine. No medicine. Whatever.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: I know there's a saying out there. I might not
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: have it. You never heard this? All right. It's fine.
• 24:44
  Speaker 5: Stop saying that.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: In any case, yeah, I changed the way I parent.
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: But I also changed the way I parent with my
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: kids from young to older.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah. As they get older, I change the way I parent.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: But what were you going.
• 24:58
  Speaker 5: To say, Madden?
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: I done got lost with the saying. Yeah, I ain't
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: even going to hold you. I had lost it with
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: the saying. I'm actually, no, I do remember. I am,
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: as a woman, I do believe that one, parenting is
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: both parties, right? And so there's going to often be
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: a bad guy, but it should never be the same
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: bad guy, right? There shouldn't. It should be offset when
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: you're parenting. And I believe in that.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: I never.
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: That the thing of, I'm going to call your dad or,
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: you know, or dad saying, I'm going to call your mom.
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: It's like, no, they didn't want to catch it from
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: either one of us because they know they can have
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: a conversation that they don't want to have.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: I believe in that. I feel like my BM yells,
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: does all that. They don't give a fuck.
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm not, so that's another thing too.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: I'm not a yeller. I'm not doing that. But what
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: she calls me is just the tone of a man,
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: I think. I think the presence of a man they
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: respond to differently than a woman.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: That's part of it. Yeah.
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: But I also feel like I just want to go
• 26:04
  Speaker 4: back to your point of like when you be your daughter, right?
• 26:09
  Speaker 4: So part of that is like not to... I'm sorry.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: Not to....
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: This is so good. I am loving all of this.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: Jesus. I just want to go back to it. We
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: have to revisit that. The worst moment of my parents' experience.
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: All right. Let's go back to that. That's great. He said,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: I never did it again. Why are we going back?
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: But no, listen.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: By the way, this is National Daughter Day. Today's National
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: Daughter Day.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: It is? Oh, no. She just sent me a text
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: about it. Oh, okay. So she's spending some money. You
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: know it. She wants to never fall back.
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: But now, what I was saying, right, is like, We
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: learned how to parent from what our parents did, right?
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: So if you look at the clip, what he was
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: saying is like, my dad did X, Y, and Z.
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: And then, you know, I was thinking to myself, well, damn,
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: this the dad I was left with? So there's some
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: things there from his childhood that he didn't really like.
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: But again, that was his model. So he's probably doing
• 27:04
  Speaker 4: certain things now because he knows how he grew, how
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: he turned out. But he's doing certain things now that
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: as a child, he didn't really like. So there's probably
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: certain pieces of his parenting experience that he doesn't know
• 27:17
  Speaker 4: how to fully work around when it comes to the
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: correction that he's now feeling like, damn, 60% of the
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: time they don't like me because I'm doing these things
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: that my dad did that I didn't like. That's why
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: I'm saying going back to what your daughter. But what
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: he has to realize is, that's why the first thing
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: I said to you is, does the correction have to
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: have a sting or aftertaste? There could be something that
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: you can do that gives the disciplinary peace, but it
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: doesn't leave a sting or acetate that makes them feel
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: uncomfortable with coming to you.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: Do y'all both agree with this? Yes. Do you have kids? No,
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: I don't have kids yet. But I know when I
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: have kids, that's how I'm going to be.
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: Ask me.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's how I'm going to be.
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: Go ahead and ask me.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: What?
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: Ask me if I got kids.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: But see, I don't believe what, I don't believe that
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: you believe what he said.
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: Yes, I do.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: I believe you believe it. I don't believe you present
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: that way.
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: I believe it, did it, and I presented it and
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: did it.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: First of all, Kizzle, with all due respect to you,
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: I just, I just, everything you say goes out the window.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: You ain't got no kids. I do. I got you. No,
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: I got you. Go ahead.
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: I do.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: What's up?
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: Don't tell, you give.
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: Me a parenting advice and you don't have no kids.
• 28:28
  Speaker 5: What's up?
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: I'm not listening to nothing you're talking about.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: What's that?
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: Because kids will break you. They will break you. They
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: will show you the worst parts of yourself.
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: Because they're supposed to. They're your mirror. Now, are you
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: going to clean your mirror?
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: Why are you folding your legs?
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: Are you going to clean your mirror? Are you going
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: to clean your mirror?
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: See? Imagine if I was a kid. Yeah. Look, look
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: at the foot shaking. Imagine if I was a kid.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: All that you just said, she has all the information.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: She has all the information. There's nothing wrong with this.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: But I guarantee you, when they piss her off, all that,
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: does it have to have a stink to it?
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: Yes, it has to.
• 29:02
  Speaker 8: No, it doesn't.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with how she's presenting right now.
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: No, I promise you, you could call my 21 and
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: 25-year-old right now, even with my grandchild who is four.
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: My I give you discipline and nurture with love without
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: a sting because I come from all the stings. Fuck
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: a sting. I come from the hells, the pits of hell.
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: So and did the work in doing the work. And
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: I'm the oldest of 10. I learned how to parent
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: before I became a parent. And I think sometimes when
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: we're talking to people who don't have children, we forget
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: that just because they don't have children does not mean
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: they do not have proximity to children or that they're
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: not a part of a village that's raising them.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: So, yes.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: As parents, we do need to make sure we're doing
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: the work on our stuff so that when we're giving
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: our children that discipline with the nurture, we aren't leaving
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: an aftertaste because guess what? That's the therapy session they're
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: going to have to have later.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: And that's the reality of it. And when I sit
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: in my parents, From the moment I decided, because I
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: planned both of my children, from the moment I decided
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: to be a parent, what I recognized was that I
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: did not want to be the main reason that they
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: were sitting on somebody's sofa.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: Sure.
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: Which is a thing. Our parents fuck us up.
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: So that means I have to do more work on me.
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: So I believe, as all parents, when we are looking
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: at our children, our children are simply a reflection of us.
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: So that means that you are the mirror, and most
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: parents are too pussy and lazy to clean their own mirror.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 30:29
  Speaker 9: Damn why you looked at me at the end I
• 30:33
  Speaker 9: mean she was talking.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: To you nah she was staring we was on the
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: same I'm just saying we was on the same page
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: so she can't look at me you told me my
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: input don't matter exactly.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: That was an excuse I was just trying to find
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: a way.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: Out yeah as a parent navigating through your own trauma
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: and the way that you deal with your kids.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: That's the thing Yes, it is. It is. Definitely a thing.
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: And that's with you every day. Yeah. It's definitely with
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: you every day.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: You see how many parents be stressed about getting to work,
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: not having money to take care of it, and those
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: are the ones dragging their kids behind them, cursing at them,
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: bringing them to school in the morning, shit like that.
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, she don't not like her kids, but
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: she's presenting like she don't because she's.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: Worried about getting to work.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: She's worried about whatever the fuck other stress shit, the
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: baby father ain't around.
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: But also, can we say the hard thing out loud?
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: Sometimes they don't like their kids because they had children
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: based on a choice that they really didn't want to
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: have them.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: It was a circumstance and a situation they wanted to
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: keep somebody or they wanted to make somebody else happy.
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: And they made a choice. Now they have to live
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: with it. And that's my goodness.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: Can I piggyback off you right quick, Adam?
• 31:50
  Speaker 5: Can I?
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: Go ahead, cook.
• 31:51
  Speaker 6: Also, people have kids and they don't like how their
• 31:53
  Speaker 6: kids turned out because they didn't come out how they
• 31:56
  Speaker 6: might have envisioned.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: What does that mean?
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: Yes. And to add to that- What the fuck?
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: Y'all ping-ponging around? What the hell is going on here?
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: I'm just going to say, sometimes people have kids with
• 32:07
  Speaker 4: someone that they don't like anymore. And now the kid
• 32:10
  Speaker 4: is a reminder of that person. So they don't like
• 32:13
  Speaker 4: the kid anymore.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: Yep. Yo, why do all y'all have all the same information?
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: Because we're all triggered, right? No, this is real. This
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: is because we're all, especially for me as a woman,
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: we've had this conversation. A lot of times as women,
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: our mothers is our first op. Our mother is our
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: first bully. Our mother is the first female that we
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: have to go up against and fill the competition of
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: life with.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: And it could simply be something as I look too
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: much like my father.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: And then you're talking about women, girls with their moms.
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: With their moms, right? And you see it differently with dads, right?
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: You see it with boys, with a boy, he'll puff
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: his chest out, and dad will puff his chest a
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: little bit more, right? And it turns into this competition thing.
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: And it can be toxic there, too. When it's that
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: woman-woman thing, and I will never forget the first time
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: that my daughter... made me feel something on the inside.
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: And what I'm grateful for was I didn't feel jealousy.
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: I felt admiration because my daughter was 17 and she
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: came down the hallway and I'm dealing with aging. And
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: then she looked and I'm like, oh my God, she
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: looks just like me. And instead of looking at like,
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: that's how I used to look, look at what you
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: did to my body because we feel that. Even if
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: they don't say it, you feel that energy.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: Women feel like the kids ruined.
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: Their use i'm i am not going to generalize but
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: what i will say is that yes that is a
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: real thing that's a real conversation yeah that is a
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: real conversation our bodies change everything changes and if we
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: aren't given space for those changes yeah you will resent
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: the the reason why you changed and that reason is a.
• 33:53
  Speaker 4: Child yep we don't have to worry about that we
• 33:56
  Speaker 4: just nut and then support and then you had the
• 33:58
  Speaker 4: baby we hold your hand and then.
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: All right cool that's why i love being a guy
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: Women go through so much shit that you ain't.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: Got to think about.
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: Your body changes everything.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: It's crazy.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: It's really intense.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: It's crazy. I'll be tight, too.
• 34:13
  Speaker 4: I'm not going to lie. If I'm being real, I
• 34:14
  Speaker 4: would be mad.
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: At what?
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: The fact that I spent nine months. My belly was
• 34:20
  Speaker 4: big as hell. My ankles got bigger.
• 34:22
  Speaker 5: My nose, man.
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: My nose got bigger.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: You know what's crazy?
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: What I found out the other day, and I was like, yo,
• 34:29
  Speaker 4: this is wild.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: Because.
• 34:33
  Speaker 4: Women, their shoe sizes get bigger.
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: And you probably know. Get the fuck out. When they
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: have a baby? Yes. You know that? Forever? Yeah.
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: Sometimes you can go young, but not all the way back.
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: Sometimes it's forever. I never went back. I never went back.
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: But even if you take away, right, y'all, those are physical.
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: Let's go into mentally what happens to a woman, the
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: way that our bodies, the chemical changes. I was pregnant
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: chewing gum and my tooth broke because I had that
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: much of a calcium deficiency. Because when we are pregnant,
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: our body is taking everything from us to produce this life.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: So when you're talking about a woman being envious, jealous,
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: and all of those things, she's thinking about everything she sacrificed.
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: We mentally don't ever come back to who we were
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: after we have a child. We physically don't come back
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: to who we were. We have evolved no matter if
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: we wanted to or not. And there's women who they
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: made the choice to evolve before they were ready for
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: the evolution.
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: Yo, facts.
• 35:34
  Speaker 4: And some of them didn't make the choice with someone
• 35:37
  Speaker 4: that they actually wanted to go through that journey with.
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: That part.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: So there's a lot with that, bro. There's a lot.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: There's a lot. I heard a lot about the mother-to-daughter situation.
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: What about the mother-to-son? Today, my friend was talking to
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: me about how his mom.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: What? No, I got some stuff. Go, go, go. Yeah,
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: how his.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: Mom used to yell at him more and expect him.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: And I was like, and that's why you ain't got
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: no girl right now. And he was like, what do
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: you mean? I was like, because with all due respect,
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: you probably hate your mom. You probably learned how to
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: not like the impact that your mom gave on you
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: and expectations that your mom's had for you, the way
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: she talked to you. And so now when women want
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: to hold you to a certain expectation... It reminds you
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: of your mom. I was like, that's probably why you
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: got mad girls. You don't want that one responsibility. That
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: thing probably fucked you up. Your mom probably fucked you up.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: He's like, oh, no, no, no. And I was like, yeah.
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: Obviously, you're not going to want to think that you
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: hate your mom because you don't.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: But that's what taught you love.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: The first person that you loved unconditionally talked to you
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: like this. Made you feel like it wasn't enough. Loved
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: you in a way that made you hate the feeling
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: of love.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like in that.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: Raw, right, that raw emotion is connected to all of
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: these negative experiences.
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: But let's say this. Even if mom is, say mom
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: isn't hateful towards you, but mom is constantly hateful towards
• 37:10
  Speaker 3: your father and you are the mirror of him.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: Yep. Yep.
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: There's the same ripple effect.
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: You think so? I promise you. Okay.
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: I promise you.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: Okay. But you would have to have that love for your, oh,
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: you always had the love for your dad.
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: But that comes when, right? You can have love for
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: your dad, but the understanding of him, the closeness of him,
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: that won't happen until you make the choice.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: Because your mother inceptioned you, right? Mom has so much influence,
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: and it's really important for moms to do the work.
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: It's important for any parent. If you have a child,
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: go do the work.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: I'm just saying this as a woman because we hold
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: the babies. And it's really important for, I read this
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: study and it was talking about, I was looking at
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: my kids. I'm like, they got anxiety. And I did
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: a really great job to me as they got older
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: to work on my anxiety and work on my things.
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: How come they still have such anxiety? And I read
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: a study that talked about the anxiety and the mental
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: and emotional abuse I experienced during pregnancy.
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: I was going to tell you.
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: Had an effect on my children.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: Yep. Yep. That's why, yo. Real quick, Kizm. Yeah, go ahead.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: The reason I keep going, really?
• 38:20
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: The reason I keep doing that, right, and it goes
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: back to this movie. If I go, will they miss me?
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: Is because the mom was doing everything she could to
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: keep it together. And in a positive way. With respect
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: to the relationship she had with her husband or her
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: baby father, whatever it was, the kids always... Around the moms.
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: She was the one fighting for them. And to me,
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: that's kind of what I think of when it comes
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: to motherhood, even though there can be a negative effect
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: attached to it from what y'all are saying. It's just
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: hard pill to swallow that there's two sides to it.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 39:01
  Speaker 4: I was just going to say, with that study, one
• 39:04
  Speaker 4: of the things that I take very seriously is And
• 39:07
  Speaker 4: why I think it's so important for us as men
• 39:09
  Speaker 4: to be intentional with who we impregnate, when we impregnate,
• 39:13
  Speaker 4: like our plan, all of that. Is the environment that
• 39:19
  Speaker 4: my girl is going to be in when she gets pregnant.
• 39:23
  Speaker 4: Because I understand what you just said. If she is stressed,
• 39:27
  Speaker 4: even in the slightest, that affects the baby. even in
• 39:32
  Speaker 4: the slightest that's why I told my girl listen I
• 39:33
  Speaker 4: know you want to work and I know you're an
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: independent woman cut that shit out because I can't control
• 39:38
  Speaker 4: when you go to work and you stress some white
• 39:40
  Speaker 4: man stressing you out I can't control that what the
• 39:43
  Speaker 4: hell you stressing for that's why I don't agree that
• 39:47
  Speaker 4: we as men should be financially responsible for everything i
• 39:51
  Speaker 4: do agree that when shorty is pregnant we should be
• 39:55
  Speaker 4: doing as much as we can to make sure that
• 39:57
  Speaker 4: she don't have to work because she there's a certain
• 40:00
  Speaker 4: level of stress that you cannot control in her work
• 40:03
  Speaker 4: environment now if she wants to work of course she
• 40:06
  Speaker 4: has whatever she can make whatever choice she wants right
• 40:08
  Speaker 4: i'm not saying we restricting her that's not what i'm
• 40:12
  Speaker 4: What I'm saying is she should have the option to
• 40:15
  Speaker 4: not because the amount of stress that comes with working
• 40:18
  Speaker 4: is not worth my child being 25 years old and
• 40:22
  Speaker 4: having a stress disorder.
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: You understand what I'm saying? Well, I do understand what
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: you're saying. That sounds like protection.
• 40:30
  Speaker 4: That's protection.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: I don't want to argue with you for no reason.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: I don't want to argue that point for no reason. Okay,
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: go ahead. So I accept that. Okay. And. I told
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: him and.
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: He looked at me because I told him and.
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: Go ahead. Why? What's the and?
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: I don't know what the and is, but.
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: I told him. Why do you want me to say and?
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: Because when we say but, it negates everything that was
• 40:50
  Speaker 3: said prior.
• 40:51
  Speaker 8: Okay.
• 40:51
  Speaker 4: I like that.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: Ooh, that's good.
• 40:52
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: So she's like, put that there. Okay.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: Then do your other point because there could be another
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: side to it without you negating the first point.
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: Ooh, that's good. That's good work. So I accept that. Mm-hmm.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: do it. Except that butt. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: needed it.
• 41:19
  Speaker 3: Go ahead.
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: They're doing everything so that she stays home. And ladies,
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: just hold on for a second. Because you're like, oh,
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: they want you to work when I'm pregnant.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: No, I'm not saying no.
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: All I'm just saying is now you're not there to
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: support her when she's home pregnant.
• 41:36
  Speaker 4: I mean, I work remotely, so that's different.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: But yeah.
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: You understand what you do? We can do that. But
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: they be needing you there too. And you can't just
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: be like, oh, I'm working, I'm working, I'm working, trying
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: to support you because now there's a deficit of that
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: emotional support.
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: I got a hot take for you, Star. The money
• 41:54
  Speaker 4: that we put towards weddings should actually be.
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: Put towards pregnancy.
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: Come on and talk about it.
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: Pregnancy? Yes.
• 41:59
  Speaker 4: The money that we pool for weddings should actually be
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: pooled for pregnancy.
• 42:04
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: Why is that?
• 42:06
  Speaker 4: Because we spend copious amounts of money on weddings. We
• 42:10
  Speaker 4: spend $ 30, 000, $ 40, 000. We got bridesmaids and groomsmen that's spending money.
• 42:15
  Speaker 4: We got folks giving us gifts of money. Why don't
• 42:18
  Speaker 4: we put that towards a pregnancy so neither of us
• 42:20
  Speaker 4: have to work? We could both be here taking care
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: of the child, have an at-home birth, whatever we want, doula,
• 42:27
  Speaker 4: night nurse, whatever it is that we want. So that
• 42:29
  Speaker 4: we can be able to support this child. Because think
• 42:31
  Speaker 4: about it, right? We're bringing life. What in the hell
• 42:34
  Speaker 4: is more important than bringing a life.
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: On earth?
• 42:39
  Speaker 4: What is more important than that?
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: Nothing. Nothing.
• 42:42
  Speaker 4: Why do we approach it with no level of intention
• 42:46
  Speaker 4: at all? But we will plan a wedding for years.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: Pinterest boards.
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: From the time you're 16, you have a Pinterest board
• 42:54
  Speaker 4: on what you want your wedding to look like.
• 42:57
  Speaker 6: This nigga just fucked me up. That's peanut oil right there.
• 43:01
  Speaker 3: Come on.
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: Think about it, bro.
• 43:04
  Speaker 4: Why are we putting 60 bands into a wedding, but
• 43:07
  Speaker 4: you ain't got no money saved for the child?
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: You have nothing saved.
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: You are making the list.
• 43:14
  Speaker 4: Two weeks before you go to a hospital on what
• 43:16
  Speaker 4: you want the baby to have.
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: And then we wondering why the divorce rate is so high.
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: We starting off the marriage in debt.
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: Bro, what are we talking about? Well, that's because most
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: of the babies is just because we had sex.
• 43:27
  Speaker 4: Bro, I'm just saying.
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: They're not planned. That's my... It's like, oh, it happened. Oh,
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: we having a baby. It's not planned.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: And then most times, my take is most times the
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: dad ain't ready for that. It's just that his girl
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: got pregnant and that's what she want to do.
• 43:40
  Speaker 4: I'm just saying, bro.
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: If the black community.
• 43:42
  Speaker 4: That's... You know how you talk about the black community
• 43:44
  Speaker 4: supporting the black community, putting our dollars to... Bro, if
• 43:46
  Speaker 4: the black community would just say, you know what?
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: Fuck the wedding.
• 43:51
  Speaker 4: All the money that we were going to put towards
• 43:52
  Speaker 4: the wedding, we're going to put towards y'all children. A
• 43:56
  Speaker 4: lot of the problems that parents have with their kids,
• 44:00
  Speaker 4: a lot of the problems.
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: Would be resolved. Dodge told me that her daughter does
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: not get Christmas gifts. Why is that?
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: She said every year for Christmas, they all pool into...
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: Their kids fund for college.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: Word.
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: That's dope.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: She's like, she got everything she needs already.
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: So they do a little celebration, whatever it may be.
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: Word.
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: But they pull into, I forget what the name of
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: the fund is. It's like a 401k or something like that.
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: But it's like a college fund. And they all do
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: it for each other's kids for Christmas.
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: That's what's up.
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: As well as monthly, you know, things come out they
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: check to go into it and shit.
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: I'm like, yo.
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: That's smart.
• 44:35
  Speaker 5: That's fire.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: Bro, I never heard of that before. Yeah. I don't
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: know how many parents heard of that.
• 44:40
  Speaker 3: I told, I was telling my daughter the next time she,
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: or any of my kids, if they have any children,
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: any more children, to instead of a regular baby shower,
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: to have their friends come over and do a prep party.
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: Where they prepping meals, prepping, preparing her, preparing the household
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: for when she's getting ready to have the baby in
• 44:57
  Speaker 3: the postpartum time. Because nobody thinks about postpartum.
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 45:00
  Speaker 4: We got to start changing the culture in our community, bro.
• 45:05
  Speaker 4: We got to start making these things normal. Yep. Because
• 45:08
  Speaker 4: we always talk about it takes a village to raise
• 45:10
  Speaker 4: a child.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: It takes a village.
• 45:11
  Speaker 4: Okay, when are we going to bring the village?
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: Come on.
• 45:15
  Speaker 4: Like, when are we going to get the village activated
• 45:17
  Speaker 4: so that we can actually have this child come into
• 45:18
  Speaker 4: the world in the way that they need to be?
• 45:20
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you're cooking. I ain't going to lie, you're cooking.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: They both do.
• 45:24
  Speaker 5: Yo, between the marriages, engagement parties, gender reveals, and all
• 45:27
  Speaker 5: of that.
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: Bro. That's so much fun. We got so many opportunities.
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: So much fun.
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: Y'all are... And I feel like y'all know each other.
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: Y'all know each other? No. We never met. I'm just
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: vibing off the energy. High vibrational therapy. Yeah, I already
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: know what it was.
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: He gets how I do the work.
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I already knew what it was. He do the work.
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 45:48
  Speaker 3: You can spot a mug that's doing the work.
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It ain't hard. I hate when they agree. Yeah.
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: When the guests agree, it's kind of like, I got
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: to be as negative as I can.
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: Negative, man. He turned it up. Deep into negativity. Go ahead.
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: Get it. But y'all on it. Y'all are on it. Look,
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: y'all both happy. Nobody's thinking I shouldn't have said that.
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: I hope they don't clip that. Nah. I'm like, yo,
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: I need that clip. Me too.
• 46:15
  Speaker 3: Yo, I'm saying.
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: I need that clip. That last one, you know you
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: smoke weed. Yeah, I need that shit. I need that shit.
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: I'm like salivating. I ain't gonna lie to you. Let's
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: see what we have with this one.
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: He gonna find something for us.
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: You know, right?
• 46:30
  Speaker 5: He said, yo, throw some chaos in this.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: I need some chaos. I need some chaos. Oh, wait.
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: He did it like, yo, he did it like, honestly.
• 46:39
  Speaker 4: As he scrolls past the booty pics and the.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, I'm sure. I'm trying to find it.
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: Let me see. We got a half hour?
• 46:46
  Speaker 3: I like being my husband's possession.
• 46:50
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: His most prized possession.
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: Girl, talk that.
• 46:53
  Speaker 10: My husband takes care of the things that he likes.
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: He does.
• 46:57
  Speaker 3: So, and he liked me.
• 46:58
  Speaker 10: So, I am totally fine being his possession.
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: Mm.
• 47:04
  Speaker 4: I want you to take on this because I have
• 47:06
  Speaker 4: an interest in taking on this. We might disagree.
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: I don't know if we're going to disagree on that
• 47:13
  Speaker 3: one because I'm very much so that. Possession?
• 47:16
  Speaker 5: Ownership?
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: He's trying hard.
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: If he's going to make sure, yes, because if he's
• 47:24
  Speaker 3: saying he possesses me and he owns me, that means
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: he's taking care of me.
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: Because when you possess something and you own something, you're
• 47:31
  Speaker 3: supposed to take care of it. So if my partner
• 47:34
  Speaker 3: does well with taking care of the things that he
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: owns or possess, then I am okay with being owned
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: and possessed. I'm also in the lifestyle, right? So for me,
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: that's nothing.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: You heard that, nothing too, right?
• 47:46
  Speaker 4: What do you.
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: Think do you believe that you should own your partner
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: that you have possession over your partner.
• 47:57
  Speaker 4: Now ownership i don't know if i agree.
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: With the word possession and ownership she said.
• 48:01
  Speaker 3: I'm his prized possession that's mine yeah ownership it's mine
• 48:08
  Speaker 3: You see how he air in the extra?
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: It's mine.
• 48:11
  Speaker 4: Let me ask you a question.
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: That's a possession is mine. This is my possession.
• 48:15
  Speaker 4: Is your car paid off?
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: Yes. Okay. It's mine.
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: Do people drive your car?
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: No, it's mine.
• 48:21
  Speaker 4: You know where I was going, right? There's certain things
• 48:27
  Speaker 4: that you possess that you don't own.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: Like what? A lease? I'm not leasing my wife. I'm
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: not leasing my girl. I'm not. And stop comparing my
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: girl to a car. What do I possess that I
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: don't own?
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: Regardless, let me answer your initial question, right? Here's what
• 48:49
  Speaker 4: I tell my girl.
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: All the time.
• 48:50
  Speaker 4: He's happy as hell. He's like, I got one.
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: I got one.
• 48:54
  Speaker 4: Here's what I tell my girl, because I always tell
• 48:56
  Speaker 4: my girl, you're my prized possession. You're my most prized possession.
• 48:58
  Speaker 4: I always tell that all the time.
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: So I agree with that.
• 49:00
  Speaker 4: The ownership word, I don't feel comfortable with because I
• 49:06
  Speaker 4: feel like with ownership, it strips a certain level of
• 49:09
  Speaker 4: autonomy that she has in the relationship, of course. So
• 49:13
  Speaker 4: I would never say I own her. but i do
• 49:15
  Speaker 4: feel like you.
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: Don't have all autonomy when you're in a relationship what
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: you mean you don't it's certain shit i cannot do.
• 49:21
  Speaker 4: Of course right but we having conversations about that but
• 49:23
  Speaker 4: what i'm saying is like there's i'm not gonna tell
• 49:25
  Speaker 4: her she can't do anything we have a.
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: Conversation my wife you cannot do some shit and my
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: wife would tell me i cannot do i cannot just
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: come in at seven in the morning okay Yes.
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: I can't. Yes. Yes. No, I can't. I might want to.
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: I cannot.
• 49:37
  Speaker 4: But we're having conversations about those things. And do you
• 49:40
  Speaker 4: have unilateral control over everything that she does?
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: No.
• 49:43
  Speaker 4: So then you don't own her.
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: But it's a partnership.
• 49:45
  Speaker 6: Right.
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: So you don't own her. But we own each other.
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: You don't own her. You don't have unilateral control.
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: You're collaborating.
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: You don't have unilateral control over her. It's like collaborative ownership. Yes.
• 49:54
  Speaker 3: That's it.
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: We're stock owners. We're shareholders. Yeah. Of this relationship. Yeah, essentially.
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: We're shareholders of this relationship. Yes. We have a 50-50 relationship.
• 50:03
  Speaker 4: You guys are in a relationship. You guys are two
• 50:06
  Speaker 4: members of one board.
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: And we both own the company. Yes. We both have
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: ownership over this company. Yes. Essentially.
• 50:12
  Speaker 3: I think the possession word is what's getting people. For me,
• 50:16
  Speaker 3: it's one of the things. I heard what she said,
• 50:18
  Speaker 3: the sentiment. She said, I am my husband's most prized possession.
• 50:21
  Speaker 7: Right?
• 50:22
  Speaker 3: We possess a whole bunch of things. And you damn
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: straight I am. And I am okay with that because
• 50:27
  Speaker 3: he is one of mine.
• 50:28
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 50:29
  Speaker 3: And he is not the only one. My children are.
• 50:31
  Speaker 3: I had them.
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 50:33
  Speaker 3: I'm not saying that they don't have autonomy over themselves
• 50:35
  Speaker 3: and I'm not saying that I own them. But that
• 50:37
  Speaker 3: is a part of my possession.
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: I think you own your husband more than you own
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: your children.
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: He's trying so hard. No, I swear to God.
• 50:44
  Speaker 3: He is trying.
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: No, I swear to God.
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: Because what happens is once your kids get to a
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: certain age, you don't own them no more.
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: Okay. They age out. They age out of your ownership.
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: Your partner, you own for your 50, 60.
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: Years, golden years.
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: And you keep saying own.
• 50:59
  Speaker 3: I'm not saying I own them.
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: All right, so they're your possession for 50, 60 years.
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: Your children are not anymore.
• 51:04
  Speaker 3: Maybe that's the wrong keyword.
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: They off doing their own thing after 18 years, after
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: they go to college, after they get married, after.
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: They move out. You can't tell them shit.
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: There is nothing that they can't do that you could
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: be like, oh, no, you can't.
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: Or that violates our relationship. No, I do what I want.
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: You don't have to agree with it. I'm going to
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: do what I want. It's my life. Oh, no. Your
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: partner can't do that.
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: Maybe we shouldn't say possession.
• 51:27
  Speaker 4: Here's what I'm going to say. We get caught up.
• 51:30
  Speaker 3: In the possession part.
• 51:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, he's hype.
• 51:32
  Speaker 3: I don't know why he's so hype. We're not going
• 51:34
  Speaker 3: to say possession.
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: Walk them down.
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God. This is the tittle. Remember I was
• 51:42
  Speaker 3: talking about that?
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: Okay, I see. I see it.
• 51:44
  Speaker 5: That move is nasty.
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: You happy?
• 51:49
  Speaker 3: He's so happy he got that one.
• 51:51
  Speaker 4: Because what we're really talking about is provision. That's what
• 51:54
  Speaker 4: we're talking about.
• 51:55
  Speaker 3: And priority.
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Y'all doing new words. You
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: know what I mean? No, seriously.
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: That's really what it is.
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: Possession, provision, and priority. What priority? It's just the wrong
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: P word. Provision.
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: I would say priority for me. If possession is going
• 52:09
  Speaker 3: to look as ownership, then no. I don't own him.
• 52:12
  Speaker 3: He doesn't own me. We have autonomy over ourselves. Are
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: we priorities? Yes, for sure.
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: For sure. Do I provide? Yeah. Yeah.
• 52:21
  Speaker 4: Financially I provide emotionally yep right not trying to argue
• 52:26
  Speaker 4: with you every time you say that every time you
• 52:28
  Speaker 4: say that no I'm not trying to argue I just
• 52:29
  Speaker 4: know like you just trying to lower my guard for sure.
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: I just feel like as a dad to my daughter
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: I will always have to offer provision protection and she
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: still won't be my possession after a certain age right
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: even when she's married or whatever right she's still going
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: to expect a certain amount.
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: Of care and I can't tell her what to do
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: I can't consider her.
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: My possession anymore even though up to 18 she was.
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: That's leadership though that's see this is the thing right
• 52:58
  Speaker 4: what i think is important for us is meant to
• 53:01
  Speaker 4: understand is that.
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: Our role as leaders i think we.
• 53:07
  Speaker 4: Are the best when we lead with a servant leadership
• 53:11
  Speaker 4: i think that's what you're talking about like you're talking
• 53:12
  Speaker 4: about like yo i'm providing financially for her i'm providing
• 53:16
  Speaker 4: in a And I also don't have control over what
• 53:19
  Speaker 4: she does. You really shouldn't have control over what everybody
• 53:23
  Speaker 4: does in your household. I think as a leader, you
• 53:27
  Speaker 4: should be understanding what everybody's strengths are and trying to
• 53:30
  Speaker 4: put them in position so that they're navigating from a
• 53:34
  Speaker 4: place of strength. And that's what a servant leader does.
• 53:37
  Speaker 4: Because a servant leader understands that there's going to be
• 53:40
  Speaker 4: certain things that my family may not be good at.
• 53:44
  Speaker 4: And I need to know what people aren't good at
• 53:47
  Speaker 4: so then I can supplement in that area. Because if
• 53:51
  Speaker 4: I try to put people in positions that I just
• 53:52
  Speaker 4: want them to be in, and I'm just controlling everybody,
• 53:55
  Speaker 4: and I don't know what they're actually good at, now
• 53:57
  Speaker 4: as a result, the family's not operating.
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: The way they should. They're weak.
• 54:01
  Speaker 4: That's when you see people like, yeah, my mom wants
• 54:03
  Speaker 4: me to be a doctor, and they sitting in, they
• 54:07
  Speaker 4: not even going to class. You know how many people
• 54:09
  Speaker 4: I know that went to college, they never went to class,
• 54:11
  Speaker 4: they just played around all day, and then they got $ 60, 000
• 54:15
  Speaker 4: worth of loans, and they named, and they parents named,
• 54:18
  Speaker 4: why does that happen because I was forced to go
• 54:20
  Speaker 4: to college nobody listened to me nobody listened to me
• 54:23
  Speaker 4: when they I told them that all I want to
• 54:24
  Speaker 4: do is just do art and they didn't put me
• 54:27
  Speaker 4: in a position to win so now I'm just doing
• 54:29
  Speaker 4: what they told me to do that they delegated to
• 54:31
  Speaker 4: me but as a result it's harming me and my
• 54:34
  Speaker 4: family now I've wasted two three years and I'm sixty
• 54:38
  Speaker 4: thousand dollars in debt why does that happen because there's
• 54:40
  Speaker 4: not adequate leadership at home to be able to make
• 54:44
  Speaker 4: decisions as to what people should or shouldn't do because
• 54:48
  Speaker 4: we're just going based off of what our playbook is
• 54:50
  Speaker 4: and we're not listening. So I think what you're talking
• 54:53
  Speaker 4: about is servant leadership and I think when we do that,
• 54:55
  Speaker 4: it actually helps our family unit and it's not harmful. Now,
• 54:59
  Speaker 4: it may feel worse for us because we're taught that
• 55:02
  Speaker 4: as a man, we're supposed to have.
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: Control over everything. Delicator. People will do this.
• 55:06
  Speaker 4: So it feels worse for us because it's not what
• 55:08
  Speaker 4: we've been socialized to understand leadership as. But as a result,
• 55:12
  Speaker 4: I feel like it's better.
• 55:13
  Speaker 5: For the family. Madam? Yes, sir.
• 55:18
  Speaker 6: No, I agree with that. I think there's a thing
• 55:21
  Speaker 6: when you try to have too much control over something.
• 55:23
  Speaker 6: I think initially it could feel like the right thing
• 55:26
  Speaker 6: to do. But it's one of those things where it's like,
• 55:28
  Speaker 6: It's like the family, like when Big Mama passed away
• 55:31
  Speaker 6: and the whole family falls apart, right? It's like, was
• 55:34
  Speaker 6: it good that she controlled everything or was it bad
• 55:37
  Speaker 6: that we wasn't able to actually have some agency for
• 55:40
  Speaker 6: ourselves and actually figure some things out, right? So what
• 55:42
  Speaker 6: position are we putting ourselves in, right? Like her leading
• 55:45
  Speaker 6: or controlling it. might feel good, but once that pen
• 55:49
  Speaker 6: is out, it's like if the whole shit is shattered
• 55:51
  Speaker 6: on the floor, then how strong was it for real?
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 55:54
  Speaker 5: How much did the control matter at that point?
• 55:56
  Speaker 4: And I think there should be a succession plan with
• 55:58
  Speaker 4: families too. Like I think of a family as a business, bro.
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 56:01
  Speaker 4: Like there should be a succession plan. Like I should
• 56:03
  Speaker 4: not be the only one that knows where everything is,
• 56:05
  Speaker 4: how the bills are paid, has access to the accounts. Yo,
• 56:09
  Speaker 4: I tell my girl all the time, and it's just
• 56:10
  Speaker 4: me and her. I already have like a, Document on
• 56:14
  Speaker 4: like God forbid I was to pass today She knows
• 56:16
  Speaker 4: how to get.
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: Access to everything When do you tell your kids.
• 56:21
  Speaker 2: When you feel like them So boom This is the
• 56:23
  Speaker 2: whole question Okay Right This is the whole question This
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: is the.
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: Whole question I have set up Certain things.
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: For my kids Okay Like policies Policies Okay My pensions
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: Okay These accounts 401k Yeah There's certain things That's just
• 56:41
  Speaker 2: going Over there Right I can't even remember the whole things,
• 56:44
  Speaker 2: but there's certain things that they're beneficiaries of. And my
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: daughter's the number one beneficiary because my son's autistic, so
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: she is going to be willed in to disperse.
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: Right? When do you tell your kids what they have coming?
• 57:01
  Speaker 4: Here's what I would say.
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: Especially if it's a lot.
• 57:04
  Speaker 4: First of all, you don't even know what they have
• 57:06
  Speaker 4: coming because you still just said, I have this, I
• 57:08
  Speaker 4: have that. So you need to get clear on what
• 57:10
  Speaker 4: they have coming. You have to understand like, Down to
• 57:13
  Speaker 4: a T where everything is at.
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 57:16
  Speaker 4: Because you could be missing out on certain things, money,
• 57:19
  Speaker 4: and that could create stress. I've seen that happen so
• 57:21
  Speaker 4: many times.
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: Totally agree.
• 57:22
  Speaker 4: Where certain people don't realize what's coming to them, and
• 57:25
  Speaker 4: then other people feel slighted, and now there's a beef
• 57:28
  Speaker 4: in the family after you pass.
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: Totally agree. Right? So that's one. Clarity there.
• 57:32
  Speaker 4: The other thing is, what I would say is you
• 57:34
  Speaker 4: need to be able to know your daughter. Because it
• 57:38
  Speaker 4: sounds like she's going to be the one that's like.
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm. Does she watch the pod?
• 57:41
  Speaker 4: Like, you're not worried about her watching the pod?
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, all right, well. She's one of those, like, daddy.
• 57:47
  Speaker 4: Oh, okay.
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: Everybody else be like, no. She be like, no, my father. Okay.
• 57:51
  Speaker 3: I love her.
• 57:52
  Speaker 4: I love the kids.
• 57:53
  Speaker 3: They my favorite. I'm waiting for you to finish because
• 57:56
  Speaker 3: I got more.
• 57:57
  Speaker 4: She keeping you humble. But what I would say is, like,
• 58:00
  Speaker 4: you know what her maturity level is. I would say
• 58:04
  Speaker 4: anything before 18 is crazy. To me, because I think
• 58:08
  Speaker 4: before 18, you just don't understand. You just will not
• 58:11
  Speaker 4: be able to really, no matter how mature you are.
• 58:13
  Speaker 4: But I think after 18, you can start to introduce
• 58:16
  Speaker 4: certain things so that they're aware of what it is.
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: And especially when....
• 58:21
  Speaker 2: When do you sit them down and say, do you wait?
• 58:25
  Speaker 2: Some people wait till they pass and the kids find
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: out at the will reading.
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: No, no, no. Never, never. Others.
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: Prepare their children Right At a certain time I think
• 58:35
  Speaker 2: there's a certain age Once you realize That they're mature
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: enough To handle that information In my opinion Now.
• 58:41
  Speaker 3: This is where Yeah because I'm itching First and foremost
• 58:44
  Speaker 3: Set up a trust Because now I'm talking to you
• 58:46
  Speaker 3: About financial literacy Right And I think that That needs
• 58:49
  Speaker 3: to happen As soon as possible we as black people
• 58:51
  Speaker 3: do not have the conversation about financial literacy and what
• 58:54
  Speaker 3: all of that means until we're 18. And by that point,
• 58:58
  Speaker 3: guess what? That frontal lobe is closed. I mean, not
• 59:01
  Speaker 3: the frontal lobe is closed, but the main things that
• 59:03
  Speaker 3: we could teach happen in them first seven years. So
• 59:05
  Speaker 3: whatever I don't understand, no matter how much you try
• 59:09
  Speaker 3: to explain it to me, I'm not going to get it.
• 59:11
  Speaker 3: I believe that... Us, as we learn, right, I'm learning
• 59:15
  Speaker 3: about what the importance of having a trust because that
• 59:17
  Speaker 3: negates on if she's mature or not. The trust protects everybody, right?
• 59:24
  Speaker 3: First and foremost, having those conversations about what it looks
• 59:27
  Speaker 3: like to set up a trust, what you're going to
• 59:29
  Speaker 3: put in a trust, what assets go in it. That
• 59:32
  Speaker 3: we have as early as possible. Those are conversations we
• 59:34
  Speaker 3: should be having with our children early. as early as
• 59:36
  Speaker 3: possible because that's how we set them up for success.
• 59:39
  Speaker 3: Especially in this capitalistic-ass society.
• 59:41
  Speaker 5: I agree. I agree, actually.
• 59:43
  Speaker 4: And the trust does protect you from the maturity conversation.
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: Everything.
• 59:46
  Speaker 4: Because you could put random stuff in there. My girl
• 59:48
  Speaker 4: was telling me, I'm like, you could put.
• 59:49
  Speaker 3: yes it's it's i'm learning oh you.
• 59:52
  Speaker 4: Can't get access to this unless you tie your shoes
• 59:55
  Speaker 4: three times.
• 59:55
  Speaker 3: Yes you get to right so that's why the conversation
• 59:58
  Speaker 3: to me happens as early as possible right because you're
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 3: telling them the things that they would need to do
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 3: in order to receive this versus hey when i go
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 3: this is all the money you're going to get right
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 3: like these is all the things that happen i think
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 3: it's a different type of conversation and you set your
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 3: child up to start thinking about their finances and their
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 3: future financially in a very different way. They now have
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 3: the language of, oh, I'm supposed to have a trust.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 3: This is how I'm supposed to set this up because
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 3: this is the best ways to protect me, my money,
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 3: and my assets.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 6: Also, Ty, I would just say to your point, I
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 6: think in your specific case, I think, you're just a
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 6: little bit older, so I think Earlier is the better because,
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 6: like you said, she is going to be responsible for
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 6: dispersing out. So it's not only about her receiving and
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 6: delegating for herself, but it's also about knowing how to
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 6: delegate and do it.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 5: For her brothers as well at a high level. You
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 5: get what I'm saying?
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 6: So it's not just her getting information for her. It's
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 6: her getting information for her, doing for her, and then
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 6: also saying, I have more information. I got to make
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 6: sure my brother's good. I got to make sure I
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 6: know where to set up. I know how to make
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 6: sure that they're actively involved. you know, getting the best
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 6: part of this as well too. So it's a little
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 6: bit more information as opposed to, you know, just a
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 6: single situation.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying?
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: I have room for one more.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 3: I keep trying to read the chat and I cannot
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 3: see it.
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 4: I need my glasses.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: Oh, damn.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 3: I feel like they in there cooking.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: My daughter will find out at the reading of the will.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 4: Damn.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 9: May try to kill me early if she knew. But again,
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 9: you can protect from that. Definitely going to know at
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 9: the will reading. They can get a percentage until 30
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 9: and then get the rest.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: A lot of people say you're at the will because
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: they're scared that their children will....
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 3: But that's why you go through trust.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: And don't really go that hard.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 3: And that is why I say trust, right?
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: Again, study. That doesn't really, when you're, all right, go ahead.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 3: You got, it doesn't matter. We might not understand it, right?
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 3: But when we as black people are talking about how
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 3: do we change our culture? What is it that we do?
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 3: This is a part of the conversation, right? We don't
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 3: think like they do. The wolves get trust and they
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 3: set the things up to, okay, if how many of them,
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 3: you marry a black man, you out to trust, right?
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 3: They put the stipulations in there. They talk to their
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 3: children about what that means for them, right? And then
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 3: they go from there. Everything's protected. I think for us,
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 3: we go to wills, but then you see in court
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 3: with famous people, even when there's a will in place,
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 3: people still will fight.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: I ain't gonna lie.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: I'm in the process of making a pretty big move,
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 2: and it did change the way I thought about life, right?
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: Because I was like, oh shit, if that is now Mine,
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: if I purchase this and I'm driving down the block
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 2: and I hit somebody, if I'm driving crazy.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 5: Yep.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: Right? Because I drive nuts. I'll be whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: I come around the corner, I hit a nigga.
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 8: Boom!
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: Nigga flip over the car, he survives or dies. He dies.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: And you keep going. Two million dollar wrongful death long lawsuit. Yeah.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: This is in my name. It's not in the trust.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: It's in my name. Oh, that's gone.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: That purchase is gone. Your assets going 401k, that's this. 457,
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 2: that's good.
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: You understand what I'm saying?
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 2: Like, oh shit, you got to move different when you're
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: worth some shit and when it's not protected.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 3: That's why I keep saying trust.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: Trust protects certain shit. Yeah.
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 2: So I do understand what you're saying in that vein.
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 2: I got 12 minutes left. I want to see if
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 2: y'all can argue.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 4: He going to.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 3: Try to make me argue.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 3: No, he going to get ready to come with fire.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: Okay. I'm not sure. I like it. I'm not sure.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: This is very ghetto. Oh.
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 10: It's not our, we're not responsible for his actions. But
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 10: you making it way too easy for somebody to come
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 10: in your back door with all.
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 3: The things that you're not providing.
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 10: All the things that you're not, you're no longer. You're
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 10: no longer the 160. Now you choose something to do something.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 10: I'm going to start using that.
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: So the girl that's 160, she looks.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 4: More attractive to him.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 10: You can't be mad at that, especially if he's tried to.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 3: Work through the problem and you refuse.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 10: And women will do that because they think that you
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 10: should love me for me.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I mean, there.
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 10: Has to be a cutoff. I mean, there has to
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 10: be some effort. I'm going to love you for you,
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 10: but you can't just be just out willy nilly and
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 10: now expecting somebody to love you the same when you're
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 10: not the same.
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 4: First of all, first of all. I hate that background music.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: That was nasty. The background music was so ugly, wasn't it?
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 1: That music was so nasty. It was a little.
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 3: That background music was crazy. Ew, it was crazy.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: That was bad for that content. Did not go with it. Exactly.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: That was very bad for that content.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 5: A bad jingle.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: That was a bad jingle.
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 3: We're starting there.
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying.
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 4: I don't like to hate on people's content, but I
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 4: look at a lot of content, and that was bad
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 4: for that piece of content. One. Two, what are we
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 4: talking about, bro? I don't like when we do the
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 4: victim blaming, like the subtle victim blaming. Because essentially what
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 4: she's talking about is like, okay, well, he committed adultery
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 4: or infidelity, whatever you want to say. And as a result,
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 4: let's look at what you did to drive him to
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 4: do that. Because there has to be a cutoff as
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 4: to when he should stop loving you and start engaging
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 4: in other things. Why do we like to subtly call
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 4: men animals?
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 1: Uh the instincts we are animals in some.
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 4: Way right but do we not have self-control isn't that
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 4: what differentiates us from a lion or a tiger do
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 4: we not have.
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: Self-control right we have intellect yes we.
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 4: Have intellect and we have self-control and so i don't
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 4: like when we try to like make it seem like
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 4: men don't have self-control you are in a monogamous relationship
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 4: you're in a monogamous relationship we know what comes with
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 4: that You have to remain loyal to your partner. That
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 4: is the covenant that y'all signed. You agreed to that. Now,
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 4: I don't care if she's 160, 220, 300, 450. If
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 4: you don't want to be with her, get out of
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 4: that relationship.
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 7: But don't have your cake and eat it too and
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 7: then be like, well, I only did this because you
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 7: 450 now. So if I'm 450, why are you still
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 7: with me then?
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 8: Leave.
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 1: What's the point? That's when you got to stay. That's exactly.
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: But if we talk about... He likes big women. Oh,
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 1: you like the BB Dubs? Yeah. The BB Dubs. It's
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 1: the subtle shit. You don't know what's going on. He's like, yeah.
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 4: That's when you got to stay. But his point is
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 4: actually right though. Because if I'm getting married to you,
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 4: what is that?
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: For better or worse? Mm-hmm.
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 4: If you 450, this is what I signed up for.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 5: Exactly.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 4: So I can't now say, no, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen.
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 4: I married you at 160 and now you 450?
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 3: What if my 450 came because I had an injury?
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 1: Don't do that, don't do that.
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 3: No, I'm going to do it for me. I'm going
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 3: to do it for me. Real shit for me, right?
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 3: I gained 120 pounds from medication. When me and Sherman
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 3: first got married, before, when we first got married, it
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 3: was before the army started pumping me with meds. I
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 3: was only 150 when we got back together. And then
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 3: they pumped me with medication. I went to 275. He
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 3: didn't ask for that.
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 7: Right.
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 3: I had no control over that weight gain. I had
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 3: no control over it. Did that stop him from loving
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 3: me less? I think the conversation here.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: Almost 300? Yeah, for sure.
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 3: And I'm fine as fuck. Don't ever get it twisted.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 3: In any weight, baby.
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 3: Because that to me has nothing to do with it.
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 3: If you're going to cheat, if you're going to cheat,
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 3: then you are just a cheater. You are a person
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 3: who lacks the ability to communicate with your partner and
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 3: say when you are lacking a need. That's a cheater.
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 3: And to me, her bringing anything up as an excuse
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 3: is just pick me. And you got to call a
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 3: spade a spade. And sometimes women will say the thing
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 3: because they think that that's what the men want to hear.
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 3: And so they're in the relationship and in the situation.
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 3: I'm calling it that way because there are people who
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 3: do pick me, pick me. I'm going to say the
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 3: great buzzwords. This is one of the things I can't
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 3: stand about the fact that everybody can get a mic.
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 3: Because I get to say the fun buzzword that's going
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 3: to get the clip, that's going to go viral, even
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 3: if I don't agree with it. That clip is viral?
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 1: Not with that music. I wouldn't say that, but I
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: will say this. I will say this. I wouldn't say that,
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: but I will say this.
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: I don't mind a pick me in some way, shapes,
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 2: or form. And I don't mind being a simp in
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 2: some way, shapes, or form.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: I feel that... Well, when they say... Wait, wait, wait.
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: Hold on. Hold on.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 2: I think that a woman, what she's saying, okay, I
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 2: will give y'all the messaging is off just as far
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 2: as because you're using it to validate him cheating.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: I understand that.
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 2: But I also understand when you say that your partner
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 2: kind of owes you a certain type of care and.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: Consideration.
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 3: I owe you care and consideration, and at no point
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 3: should me owing you care and consideration mean that you
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 3: take whatever agreement we had, right? And you fail to
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 3: communicate with me that you no longer want to adhere
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 3: to that agreement.
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 2: She said that he was speaking up, having a conversation,
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 2: and you didn't want to.
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: That's a lack of consideration for my truth.
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 2: I'm telling you, hey. This is not working. This is not,
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 2: I'm not attracted to this. Like, can we work on
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 2: this together?
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 1: And you're like, no.
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 3: And if the answer is no, what I would rather
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 3: you do is be a big boy and leave me.
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: I heard that. That's all.
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 4: That's all.
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 4: Put those big boy pants on instead of taking them off.
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: For somebody else.
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 3: That's all.
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 3: And I think that is simple. That's really that simple.
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 1: I hear that.
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 2: But we're talking about in the relationship. We ain't got
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 2: to go all the way to cheating. We could cut
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 2: the cheating out.
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 3: But that's what she was talking about.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 2: And I'm stopping that. And I said, yo, I understand that.
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 2: Stop using that to validate the other shit. But I
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 2: am saying as a partner, your partner deserves. a certain
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: amount of care and consideration.
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 1: For sure. When it comes, like, yo, especially if I'm
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 1: communicating with you.
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 3: Yes, and I still stand on what I said. If
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 3: you are communicating with me and you are hitting a
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 3: wall with me, that is your responsibility, your boundary to
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 3: leave because you should know what you deserve. And I
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 3: don't have the capacity to love on you the way
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 3: you need.
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: That's all. Fire.
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 5: That's all.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 1: Fire. Can't lie. You know what happens, though? They fried him.
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 1: Can't lie. No, maybe. He said, maybe. I'm working. I'm working. No, no, no.
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be an adversary here. I'm thinking
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 1: about as a man, right?
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 2: When we think that 80-20 thing, it's like, damn, I'm
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 2: really going to leave because she gained.
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 1: Some weight versus... We've had this conversation on this pod before.
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 2: Versus the kids being here versus the fact that she
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 2: stood with me through whatever when I wasn't, I didn't
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 2: have versus like all of these things.
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 1: And it's like, okay.
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 2: So she's not listening when I'm saying, yo, stop eating
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 2: cake at 1145 at night.
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 3: But see, this is the thing. Instead of saying stop
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 3: eating cake.
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 1: I'm going to the gym. I'll go to the gym
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 1: with you. I'll hire you. What do you need? Because
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 1: like she's not listening to that.
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 2: And you're going to leave your 80 just because of
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 2: this weight or because of these habits that have gotten
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 2: her in this space.
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 1: That's a hard pill to swallow.
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 3: But this is the thing.
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: Even though that 20 matters.
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 3: If you're saying that that is your limitation, I'm not
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 3: putting that on you. You're putting that on us.
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 1: It's not a limitation. You're saying leave because of it.
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 3: You're saying that I'm sharing, right? Like if I'm talking
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 3: to my partner, I'm making it clear to my partner,
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 3: I'm sharing with my partner, I'm being there for my partner.
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 3: And my partner on some, listen, I don't care. You
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 3: could be deep in your bubble of depression. We've had
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 3: this conversation. I can't pull you out of that. And
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 3: I'm not going to suffer with you because that's where
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 3: you are. Because that part then isn't fair to me.
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 1: I hear you. But I tell you right now, Remember
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 1: when I broke up with Shorty?
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 5: Sorry, Shorty.
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 2: I ain't even mean it like that. When I broke
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 2: up with my girl, bro, the pussy wasn't enough in
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 2: the streets. It wasn't enough to validate me needing some
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 2: pussy somewhere else.
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 1: It wasn't. But it was something that I needed. I
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 1: thought I needed it at the time. I needed that.
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 1: I really was like.
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 3: But you went on a journey. You had to find
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 3: out what it was for you.
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 1: And so that's the thing. It's like, I think men
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 1: know that.
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 2: Like, damn, I'm not trying to like just leave just
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 2: because I want something from or just want.
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 1: This type of girl. I have that type of girl.
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 2: I just want you to go back to where we
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 2: was or pay attention to what, like, let's work on
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 2: this together.
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 1: And y'all saying leave. That's a hard pill to swallow.
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 4: No, we're not saying leave.
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 1: You said leave. Put your big pants on. No, no, no.
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 1: You changed. Listen, listen, listen.
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 7: Thank you.
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: I changed it?
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 4: You changed the scenario, right? So when you change the scenario,
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 4: it changes.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay. You change it.
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 4: Now our response has to change with that as well.
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 1: You can't nod.
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 2: She still was saying leave, and she's nodding at you.
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 1: Listen. He said change it. You can't nod. What I'm saying, listen.
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 1: You got to stand still is when that name was
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 1: being said earlier. Let him cook. Remember?
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 3: Go cook. Go cook.
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 4: What I'm saying is, listen, right? You changed the scenario,
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 4: so you took the cheating out of it. The reason
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 4: why we're saying leave is because what we're saying is
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 4: the opposite of you leaving. You not leaving caused you
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 4: to cheat, which caused trauma. So you might as well
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 4: have just left and then did what you wanted to do,
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 4: then caused trauma to this person. Now your scenario is.
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 1: They're too good yesterday. I don't like it. You know what?
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: They're too good.
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 5: They're too good.
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 1: They're too good together.
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 3: We might need to talk after this.
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 4: Your scenario is different now. Your scenario is like, yo,
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 4: I'm communicating my need and my boundary and you're just
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 4: disregarding that. But then you also added on to it.
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking about the 80-20.
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 4: So now you're conflicted. You're conflicted about the fact that like, yo,
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 4: this person is someone that I really enjoy being with
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 4: and I have this family with them. But, like, I
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 4: do need the 20 of them being, like, physically attractive
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 4: to me.
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 1: Or having sex more. Right. Or whatever the case may be.
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 1: But I also think that goes into the why men
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: cheat but don't leave.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 4: Yes, that goes into the why men cheat but don't leave,
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 4: but it's not an excuse for it. Because at the
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 4: end of the day, again, we got to.
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 1: Reason doesn't necessarily mean excuse, am I right? No.
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 3: It shouldn't even be the reason.
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 4: I don't even think we should call it a reason.
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 3: It's not the reason.
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 1: No, we shouldn't call it a reason.
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 4: Because think about it, right?
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 1: We agree on everything.
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 4: No, we shouldn't call it a... No, seriously, we really
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 4: should not.
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 1: Call it a reason. Thank you.
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 4: A reason is too close to an excuse.
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 4: Those are probably... If you look it up right now,
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 4: I'm willing to bet that reason and excuse are synonyms.
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 4: I think.
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 1: I believe they may be. I bet you they are.
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 1: I bet you they are.
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 4: So I'm saying we shouldn't even call it a reason...
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 4: Because again, when you get into a monogamous relationship, there
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 4: are certain standards that you adhere to because we have
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 4: assigned this covenant. We are in a relationship. We know
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 4: what it is. I'm your person.
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 1: You're my person.
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 4: If you gain some weight and I don't mess with that,
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 4: I have to be able to communicate that and then
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 4: decide whether or not I want to be in this
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 4: relationship regardless of whether there's kids involved. Or all these
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 4: other factors that come into it. I have to make
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 4: that decision. So you have to wrestle with the decision
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 4: of whether you want to stay or not. Not the
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 4: decision of whether you want to stay and cheat. Do
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 4: you want to stay and work this thing out? Or
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 4: do you want to leave because this is not the
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 4: right situation for you anymore? That's the decision that you
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 4: got to wrestle with. Not cheating and trying to keep.
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 4: The situation going, no, make the decision about like, yo, no,
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 4: this not for me. I'm actually out of here.
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 1: This ain't it. Y'all both agree with this?
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 1: Yes, you got to. Yes, I do agree with this.
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm sorry, man.
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 3: We jumped you again.
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 2: Y'all did a really great job today. I must say,
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 2: I cannot, yo, I very rarely on this pod can
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 2: I say that I got my ass whooped the whole episode.
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 1: Very rarely.
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 2: And I'm talking about I've done this for 10 years.
• 1:16:44
  Speaker 2: I've been able to go back and forth with anybody.
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 1: Everybody.
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 2: I think it's because y'all double team me. I think
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 2: it's because y'all professional. I think it's because y'all talk
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 2: to people for a living all the time. So y'all
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 2: have seen all the excuses. Y'all seen all the ways
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 2: people weave in and out. And you try to bring
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 2: them back. Language. I think y'all are really good at that.
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 2: And it just shows why y'all are good at y'all professions.
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 1: Again... I guess thanks for the ass whooping. I don't know.
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 1: I need a drink. Like, yo, that was tough.
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 3: You did so good.
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 1: No, I didn't. That's actually what it is. I actually didn't. Yo,
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 1: I felt weak in this episode. Look, he's like, yeah,
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 1: you did it, guys. Nah, you were crying at first.
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 1: You were crying a little bit. You got us with
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 1: the possession. You got us with the possession. You didn't
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 1: get us clipping that one. Ownership? Yeah, for sure. Go ahead.
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 1: Because I got the rest of the week. I got
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 1: to get one. Yo, Drew, clip that one. And make
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 1: it good. Make it good. Don't make it like, Yeah,
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 1: he kind of won. He kind of cooked a little bit. Like, yo,
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 1: let me land that one. They got the rest of
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 1: the week.
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 2: Madam, again, please tell these people where to find you,
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 2: what you got coming up, what you got going on.
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 3: Yes, you guys can find me at Ayesha, coachbellamy.com, A-Y-S-H-A, coachbellamy.com
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 3: or at mrsbellamy.com and coach on Instagram. And I got
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 3: a lot of things coming up. I'm just outside. I'm
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 3: doing my big one. Right now, the main thing, though,
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 3: is Unbound 90-day program, working with entrepreneurs. Although this cohort
• 1:18:27
  Speaker 3: is closed, 2027 registration is open. So, if you are interested,
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 3: go lock in.
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 5: Dope.
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 1: Dope.
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 5: Dope.
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 1: Kizzle.
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 1: Always a pleasure. For sure, bro.
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 2: Like, literally, no, I say, you know, people say shit
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 2: just to say it.
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 1: Always a pleasure, bro. Thank you. First of all, the
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 1: fact that you're a therapist is one thing.
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 4: I'm not.
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 1: I'm not.
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 3: Okay, so you're not a therapist either.
• 1:18:52
  Speaker 1: Yep, same. You're not.
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 3: Neither one of us.
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 1: How the fuck did you get this? I was going
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 1: to say Dr. Bryant.
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 4: I don't even know if I should say Dr.
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 1: Bryant. Don't Dr. Bryant you. Yeah, don't do that to me, bro.
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 1: How did you get this good at this then?
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 4: I'm very introspective, bro. Been that way since a young age.
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 1: I study this. Okay. Yeah. I ain't a therapist. I
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 1: think that makes it even better. Not a therapist yet.
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 1: I think that makes it even better. Are you going to?
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 1: I'm trying. I'm trying.
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 4: We might be doing some things. We working on some things.
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 1: I don't believe in trying.
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 4: We working on some things.
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 1: I believe in doing. I'm doing. I'm doing.
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 3: There you go.
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 1: Doing some things. You just reframed. You just reframed for me.
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 1: I love that. Both of you. First of all, I
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 1: know I haven't said what you're asking. Matter of fact,
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 1: tell the people you have. Okay, okay, yeah.
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 4: So, at Express Yourself Black, man, that's exactly how it's
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 4: spelled on all platforms. TikTok, Facebook, YouTube.
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 1: Do you need guests for your show?
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 4: I would love some guests, but I need somebody that's, like,
• 1:19:46
  Speaker 4: I need people that's going to, like, you know.
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 1: What I'm saying? Do you take listener letters? Nah, we don't.
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 4: Like, I'm learning a lot from y'all. Like, I'm learning
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 4: a lot from y'all. I love y'all.
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 1: Y'all got to. Yeah, I would. Yeah.
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 2: Where would they, if you want to listen to letters
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 2: from men, women, do you.
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 1: Take submissions from women? I would take from anybody. Yeah,
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 1: I would take from anybody. So do you have like
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 1: an email set up.
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 4: Or something like that? They could just send it to
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 4: our staff email, staff at expressyourselfblackman.com.
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 1: Staff at expressyourselfblackman.com. Awesome.
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 2: If you have questions, just understand that these would be
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 2: on the show.
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 1: These would be on the show. So if you're sending
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 1: in submissions, you're actively giving.
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 2: Permission right now if you're going to send in submissions
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 2: to Kizzle.
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 1: Because, bro, the way you break things down. No, I
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 1: appreciate that. Madam, you as well.
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 2: I mean, Coach Bellamy, you as well. Would you take
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 2: submissions or things like that?
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 3: I actually would in more ways than one. I'm working
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 3: on some stuff. And especially with, fun fact, you're one
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 3: of the people that I'm going to be looking to
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 3: have a conversation with. I want to have a conversation
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 3: with black men about what their dreams were before they
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 3: went to jail.
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 1: That was crazy I'm the figurehead.
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 2: Nah I love you I'm willing let's do it um.
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 4: He said alright next thing.
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 2: No I was like yo nah nah it's great it's
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 2: great it's great I pulled out there and I'm willing
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 2: you know I own that so it's great um but
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 2: as Kizzle said that's so long ago that's.
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 3: Like a whole other nigga no for.
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 2: Sure whole other nigga um I love all of you
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 2: who went through the purge with us in the So
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 2: Shameless Patreon, in the So Shameless Discord.
• 1:21:35
  Speaker 1: Bring your ass on back. We are working steadily. By
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 1: the way, damn, there's a new tiering system. Go ahead,
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 1: take it up because we are adding to each and
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 1: every tier. We have a live show coming up soon
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 1: and the tickets are only available And Patreon. Ooh.
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 5: Right now.
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 1: Where's the live show at? Here in Brooklyn. Brooklyn?
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 4: December 4th.
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 1: December 4th. What day is that? Friday. It's a Friday. Okay.
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 1: Don't say it like that. You gotta lie now. What
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 1: you mean? You gotta lie and be like, I'll be there. Oh,
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 1: I'll be there. I'll be there. I'll be there. I'll
• 1:22:12
  Speaker 1: be there. So shameless.
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 2: I don't even know if they're lying or not.
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 1: I don't even know. They said it so matter of factly.
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 1: I'm really going to be there.
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 3: You know I'm going to be there.
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 4: There you go.
• 1:22:29
  Speaker 3: Listen, I think this is monogamy.
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 1: Is it monogamy?