Latest / Relatively Functional Dads / Episode 019 - Faith Your Kids Can Taste, Touch, and Remember w/Barrett Merrill
Transcript
- Buddy Gosey: Dads, what if helping your kids know Jesus wasn't just about reading them Bible stories, getting them to church, trying to squeeze in another family devotional? What if it was also about the meals that you share with them, the way that you all rest together, the traditions you build, the community that you invite to live in your day to day lives in your home? Well, today we're talking about something most of us probably don't know a ton about, and that is the biblical feast and festivals and how these ancient rhythms can help us experience Jesus a lot more fully and lead our families to do the same. So if you're a dad who's ever thought, I want my kids to grow up knowing Jesus, but I'm not always sure what that looks like in the kind of everyday moments, this episode's for you. The Boys And Audio: Hey, welcome to the Relatively Functional Dads podcast for fathers doing their best and learning every day. We're just three relatives walking through faith, fatherhood, and real life together. That was me. No experts here, just honest conversations about the wins, the struggles, and the moments that shape us as men and dads. Some days we've got it together, other days we're just trying to get to bedtime, but we keep showing up. And if you're dad... In the middle of it too, you're in the right place. Let's journey through this together. Buddy Gosey: And to help us unpack that, we're joined by Barrett Merrill. He's an author of a book we're gonna talk some about today called Sacred Gatherings. but he's also just a practitioner, someone who's been exploring these ancient practices for himself and how they can shape the way that he and his family follow Jesus and how he raises his boys with his wife. And the fun thing is his wife is actually my sister. So Barrett is more than just a guest author. He is a brother-in-law on my other side of the family. So most importantly, he's he's a great husband. he's an amazing dad to my two. younger nephews. and he is a dad in the trenches, just like us, trying to just figure out what it looks like to lead his family in the ways of Jesus. And it's messy and it's beautiful and it's hard and it's good. So B man, thanks for joining us. Welcome to the Relatively Functional Dads podcast. it's really a joy to have you on. Barrett Merrill: Come on, glad to be here. Buddy Gosey: Yeah, man. We got a lot of good stuff planned. something fun we do with all of our guests is instead of like, hey, tell me about your wife and your household and what do you do for a living, tell me about your kids. we have a little fun. We want to have some big dad energy. So we want to hear a big dad energy moment. Tell us about your family and what's going on in your household, but do through the lens of something like you're proud of, you're impressed by something ridiculous or fun that's happening in your life right now. Barrett Merrill: sure, for sure, love it. 100 % so I have two boys, four-year-old, one-year-old. I think I'm going to answer in two ways. One's going to be more fun, one's probably a little bit more authentic and serious. So first answer, I'm an incredible storyteller. I love making up stories on the fly, plot development, character development, just on a whim. But not just telling the story, I think the timeliness of when I can get my kids to really draw into a story. So you can probably relate, most parents can probably relate. If you're on a vacation or a long drive, our kids have this sixth sense, intuitive sense that when we're on that last 15 to 20 minute leg, the Buddy Gosey: Yes, bro. Barrett Merrill: meltdown is going down. And so I have this superpower, if you will, of being able to draw my kids into a story on that last leg. And I will draw that story out as long as we need to. I've done 30, 40 minute stories in the car and my kids will stay engaged and I can just keep them drawn in. And so I think that's first thing that comes to mind is just the storytelling. Probably on the more, maybe serious note, and you've been a part of this journey with me for a long time, is, you know, I've dealt with a lot of chronic health challenges pretty much since the Buddy Gosey: Mm-hmm. Barrett Merrill: beginning of my parenthood. There's been stretches where I've been bedridden, where I haven't been able to get out in the summer heat for more than a couple minutes. And, you know, I think there's been a collateral beauty in that journey of, you know, of parenthood where... I'm so, when I can be in a moment with my kids, I'm there 100%. If I'm a two out of 10 in my day and I'm just barely making it through, I just early on in this health journey, I just decided if I'm gonna be with my kids, I'm gonna give them everything that I have. And so I think, know, that's maybe a less sexy answer, but that's the most authentic side of this is that, you know, I can. I can turn a five minute popsicle on the porch into an experience that equates to Disneyland. I Buddy Gosey: Yeah. Barrett Merrill: can just draw out that presence and just be so attentive to my kids. And I think that's just been the collateral beauty of navigating health challenges as a father of young kids. Buddy Gosey: And man, honestly, we could have you on for an hour to talk about that specific topic because unfortunately a lot of times it's pain and suffering and trial that teaches us so much. Jesus redeems that if we allow him to in our lives. I've seen that happen in your life and in Sam's life. and it's it's obviously impacted your fatherhood, but you have a lot of wisdom and life experience that I know there's dads and moms that listen to this podcast that have gone through stretches or are currently in a stretch that resonate in in a variety of different ways. You know, like there's a lot of us going through different things, but a chronic illness is something that impacts our parenthood at some point in our lives. And you've journeyed through it way earlier than most. So would love to have you back on, but I would encourage our listeners if that's something you you need some guidance or resourcing or encouragement, reach out to Barrett, man, because the topic we're touching on today is super different, but the common thread is Barrett's been through a lot in his fatherhood already at a young age that brings him to this place where he just wants to do the most with what God's given him to lead his family well. But there's limitations we all have to live into as dads. So yeah, man, thanks for opening up that little portion of your life to Barrett Merrill: Yeah, definitely, definitely. Buddy Gosey: us. Shifting gears a little bit. yeah, so Sacred Gatherings, if you're watching on YouTube, a beautiful book. Like not only like coffee table outside of the book, but obviously as you get into it and you look at the different feasts and festivals, really easy to read, easy to digest, fun to look through. My kids, they love I mean it's it's a pretty heady book. for a a five year old Barrett Merrill: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Buddy Gosey: and a three year old, but dude, just the photos alone, they love. But let's spend a little bit of t Barrett Merrill: Yeah, mean, shout out to my designers on that front. mean, my friends, Jenny Kafer and Adele Fogel, they were the masterminds. was really incredible getting to see them and they have young kids too. And so we Buddy Gosey: Yeah. Barrett Merrill: all just collectively said, hey, we want our kids to love this, be proud of this and engaged. And that starts with colors and pictures, right? Buddy Gosey: They killed it and it is. And they want to gather around and have this read. And and this is a a a family thing. You cannot do these things individually if you have a family and do it, do it well. And we're going to unpack that. So they did. You have a great team. And it was fun watching over the last year and a half y'all kind of patiently piece that together. it's a great finished product. So just tell us why. Why'd you write this book? There's always a why behind it. What's happening in your own family that made you want to write Sacred Gatherings? Barrett Merrill: Yeah, 100%. And let's just name it off the bat. this is a very niche book. It's not like a topic many of us, including myself, grew up around or had a really a concept for. And so, you know, when I first was exposed to some of these biblical feasts and festivals, it was very enriching, very intriguing. Like to, up until that point, probably around, you know, 2018, 2019, all I knew was there was this kind of segment in Leviticus that if I made it through Buddy Gosey: Mm-hmm. Barrett Merrill: without falling asleep, that was a win. Like, you know, Buddy Gosey: That's the goal, right? Barrett Merrill: beyond that, I didn't really have any knowledge, any connection of that. And so, you know, back around 27, 2018, Sam and I were a part of a house church community that was practicing Passover. And it was the most enriching, just compelling experience for me to just gather around just, you know, close to a hundred people in, you know, friends' backyards. And, you know, it's kind of the equivalent if you're not familiar with Passover, you know, it's... It's like a big potluck with a guided meal and there's symbolism in the things you eat, obviously the Passover lamb, some worship, some prayers, some scripture readings. But in that particular experience for me, there were tons of kids running around. The kids were super engaged and getting into it. It was very family friendly. It was also very inviting to folks in the neighborhood. we had people who were unhoused, who were refugees, Buddy Gosey: Mm. Barrett Merrill: who were kids that were just coming from, single parent households or just wandering the streets a lot of the days. And, that experience was so compelling for me. And so I got very interested in... are there more like this? What would it look like to take a step deeper in my own journey and my own spirituality? And so as I looked for books, I just didn't see anything out there that was quite Buddy Gosey: Mm-hmm. Barrett Merrill: like it. And, you know, eventually Sam and I started having kids and I just craved those experiences for my kids from the from the genesis of their life, of their, you know, their faith journey with Jesus. And so when I couldn't find anything, I just kind of started. wrote a liturgy and a guide that I felt like was approachable and family friendly and engaging. And I would write one and then we would try it out and then I would tweak it a little bit and then I would do another one. And it really wasn't until halfway through creating these guides that I realized, I think I'm writing a book. It Buddy Gosey: Ha ha ha. Barrett Merrill: was 100 % just, I just wanted my kids to have these really Buddy Gosey: Mm. Barrett Merrill: deep, profound communal experiences. that connected them to practices that Jesus did with his disciples that are just saturated across the meta-narrative of Scripture. so, yeah, that was kind of the impetus to writing this book. Buddy Gosey: And a lot of the good things that we create in our lives are just an overflow of maybe something we stumbled upon because it's a passion project or a need in our own lives. And it's like, with a little extra time and effort, this this could actually produce a resource for others. That's what I'm hearing this was as Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Buddy Gosey: again, you've practiced it. And we're gonna get into some of the specifics because all this sounds great and reads great. and then we get into our daily lives with kids. But I want y'all to not miss Barrett Merrill: yeah, 100%. Buddy Gosey: this was written from the heart of a dad to practice with his young family. So, Barrett Merrill: Yes, yes. Buddy Gosey: and even in the preface of the book, you're like, Hey, if if you want this if you have a form of idealism entering into this, just go ahead and throw that out. Cause you know, there's there's structure and there's resourcing and there's things to help guide you, but we do this with people, which means it's going to be messy and beautiful, right? let's start Big picture, feast and festivals. Some people have things that come to mind with that. maybe like we might be familiar with like a Passover. W when you say that, what do you even mean as far as feast and festivals, especially through the lens of the people of God? Barrett Merrill: Yeah, absolutely. super high level, right? Feasts and festivals, that's other terminology for, this is, these are the biblical holidays, the holidays that we see scattered around scripture. Again, I mentioned Leviticus, a lot are spelled out in Leviticus. You have Purim, which is associated with the story of Esther. You have a few others scattered about. And so really, when I say the feasts and festivals, these biblical holidays, I kind of think three things. You know, One, they are foundational gatherings for God's people to celebrate the faithfulness of God. It's to see how God has been faithful in different ways and in different stories throughout the history of God's people. Second, think it's several of the holidays are opportunities for us to grieve or lament or really just Buddy Gosey: Mm. Barrett Merrill: name our brokenness. the injustice around us or the injustice Buddy Gosey: Mm-hmm. Barrett Merrill: within us, our sin or idol, is it's an opportunity for us to name our brokenness alongside God's goodness and faithfulness with us. And then I think third is, it's really just an opportunity for us to interact with the story that God is writing in Buddy Gosey: Mm-hmm. Barrett Merrill: and among his people. And I think why I love the invitation to start engaging them is they're not an ancient relic that's disconnected from today. Jesus was the fulfillment of these holidays, but I don't think, you know, we see that passage where it says he doesn't come to abolish the law, but to fulfill it. And so I think, you know, there's differences. to how we engage and interact with them, but I don't think that makes them obsolete. anything, I think they are holidays that we're invited into as God's story continues to unfold and as it continues to unfold in our lives. so, the last thing that comes to mind is going back to Leviticus when some of these holidays really were commanded and given some definition, that was in a context where the Israelites had just left Egypt, they had just left this imperial rule, but they were not quite in the promised land yet. Buddy Gosey: Yeah. Barrett Merrill: And so they're in this tension of all right, we're leaving this one place, we're going into this another place. What is our identity? Like, what does it mean for us to now be God's people? If God is establishing us as a people, what does that mean? And I think it's very interesting and I think it's very intentional of God. to bring these holidays in that particular time because I think these feasts and festivals, they're ways of practicing our identity before God. They're ways of acknowledging what God is doing in us so that we can continue to grow in our walk with him and with one another. Buddy Gosey: It's so good, man, because all of us, we are leaving a kingdom of of darkness, of oppression, of enslavement, of sin. God is inviting us into a new kingdom. But many of us it's this in-between stage where we have to still practice looking back at God's faithfulness as He's helping us journey into a new place, a a new promised land, if you will. And and these are just kind of you know, staking the ground moments throughout the year to keep us tethered. to doing that. Otherwise, I don't know about you, but I drift. I don't look intentionally back Barrett Merrill: Yeah. Buddy Gosey: at the faithfulness of God enough. Another thing you brought up is I was shocked at how much of a command or just really a focus is needed on grief within some of these feasts and festivals. Cause just those Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Buddy Gosey: words alone come with connotations of celebration and a lot of them as I'm reading Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Buddy Gosey: through them are it's eating good food, drinking good wine, prayers, Barrett Merrill: Yeah. Buddy Gosey: looking back at God's goodness. But some of it is needing to look back simultaneously. Some are more focused on grief or some have an aspect of lament within it, Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Buddy Gosey: lament the you know, the injustice towards the poor that has happened or currently is. So Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Buddy Gosey: as a Western thirty-three year old male, I suck at grief and lament. So having some strategically throughout the calendar of the year leads me and my family to engage in that intentionally. You know, a lot of folks they'll say, Okay, but you kind of You said it already, but Jesus has come, so why do we why are we under this ceremonial law or old testament law or whatever? We might be confused of why we would still be practicing that. One of the quotes I love very early on in the book is the invitation to engage the feasts and festivals is an invitation to experience the person of Christ more fully. And the subtitle of the book is Finding Rabbi Jesus in the feast and festival. So unpack Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Buddy Gosey: that line for us. How do the feasts point to Jesus rather than away from him. Barrett Merrill: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think at a high level, following Jesus means, you know, we're doing the things that he did. And the reality is, is he celebrated these holidays. And I think some of the greatest teachings that we hear from, from Jesus, we don't always recognize. when he's in Jerusalem or when he's around the table. And some of the things he's teaching are in the midst of the celebration of that holiday. Buddy Gosey: Yeah. Barrett Merrill: When we hear, I think it's one of the messages where he talks about being the provider of this living water, like we have this wellspring of living water that comes up from within us. I think there's a lot of evidence to suggest that when he's speaking about this living water, he's in celebration of Sukkot. And there's this beautiful connection to well, God provided this water from the rock in the desert. he's this provision in a time of wilderness suffering. And so I think it just enlivens our connection to the character of Jesus. It helps us actually live the way that he lives, but it also enlivens his teachings. You know, we can't fully understand. And even outside of the Feast and Festivals, I don't think we realize just how many of Jesus's teachings are not actually that original. He's quoting the Torah, he's quoting the prophets Buddy Gosey: Hmm. Mm. Barrett Merrill: in such a way, and it's not that he's being necessarily unoriginal, but he's fulfilling them, he's interpreting them perfectly, he's showing their application perfectly, not just in concept, but in application. You look at the person of Jesus and you see, all of these teachings are now coming to life in Him. And so I think it's when we enter into those practices, into even the feasts and festivals, it allows us to, in a physical way, in an emotional way, but also yes, in a conceptual way, connect with the person and the truths of who Jesus is. Buddy Gosey: I love that. We're going to talk about more the embodied part of it. That's why we have to do this with people. We have to eat. We have to hear things. We have to because we are such a cognitive, we want to just learn up here, but we we're in an embodied people. We live in embodied faith. But the cognitive part is so true, dude. When you we're going to talk Barrett Merrill: Yeah. Buddy Gosey: about Sukkot and Feast of Tabernacle or Booths or whatever you want to call it. And when I learned that Jesus disappears from the crowd, steps back into it. Talks about how he is the fulfillment of all these things in this celebration as he's talking about come to me as living water. Traditionally they would, you know, have water rush down the temple flowing east, talking about blessing over God's people. I'm I'm now understanding the richness and fullness of God's teaching through the person of Jesus as he's coming to explain his kingdom in a way that I did not previously understand until people like you write on this. the Bible was not written to us. But it was written for us. So Barrett Merrill: Hmm. Buddy Gosey: because it's not written to us, we have to understand w who Jesus would have been talking to and what type of embodied faith they would have had at the time. I do think stepping into and not just learning about, but practicing some of these sacred sacred rhythms, sacred gatherings with people allow us to cognitively understand that really Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Buddy Gosey: well. You you really to start the book, again, there's so many things we're gonna unpack Sabbath just so our listeners know where we're going, which is more of a weekly rhythm. You do give daily prayer wit rhythms, which I love. I texted you, there's a couple for a prayer rhythm, leaving work, stepping back into the home life, Barrett Merrill: Yeah. Buddy Gosey: for the second half of the day. That has been so good for me. So there's Barrett Merrill: Hmm. Buddy Gosey: daily, there's weekly, we're gonna talk about Sabbath in a moment. And then there's a just a a ton of ones throughout the year annually. Sukkot, which we've mentioned, Barrett Merrill: Yeah. Buddy Gosey: we're gonna unpack. But before you do, the five pillars that you mentioned at the beginning of the book. that are helpful for people to kind of have a framework as they're doing this are rhythm, remembrance, embodiment, justice, and community. we'll have this in the the show notes for for folks because I know I said that kind of quickly. these five rhythm, remembrance, embodiment, justice, and community, which one has been hardest for your your family to like live out and get behind, but you've seen it be really necessary. Barrett Merrill: Yeah, absolutely. And obviously we won't break down all of them. I think just a little bit of the context that kind of leads up to that is, you know, these were the ones that stuck up to me. They're obviously not exclusive and some things might come, you know, you might see more prevalent than others. But I think a lot of these pillars, they became very apparent to me when I juxtaposed our American practice of holidays and what I saw in the scriptures and Buddy Gosey: Wow. Barrett Merrill: kind of the thin practices versus these very robust and deep and enriching practices. And so that's kind of what surfaced for me is that we tend to hallmarkify our holidays and that often leads us to do what we want when we want, leads us to the TV a lot of times, it leads us to kind of... insulate ourselves in the nuclear family, a lot of materialism can revolve around our holidays. so, you know, really those five pillars surfaced kind of in seeing the contrast of these beautiful practices. Yeah, I mean, think the hardest has to be rhythm. And I say that because, you know, one, I'm a visionary, you know me, I'm head in the clouds. That's the side of the marriage that I play on. I have this terrible propensity to bite off way more than I can chew. Buddy Gosey: Ha ha. Barrett Merrill: And especially with having two kids and navigating fluctuating health symptoms, like that's not always a great thing to have. And so I've had to name that for myself, but I think it's hard because the reality is anything new we want to start doing as a family, as a community, whether it's biblical feasts, but I mean, really anything. If you're trying to do a family meeting, if you wanna practice soccer drills with your kids every day. If you want to do a devotional, if you want to practice doing the ABCs, whatever it might be, you got to go slow. You got to start and you have to stay consistent. Because you can't build on something that continues to fizzle apart. think all of those other pillars, if you don't have rhythm, you're not going to get to those other pillars because there's no consistency. And so I think for me, when I've tried to go too big too fast that only has led to conflict with me and Sam that has left no flexibility for my boys when they have their inevitable meltdowns, when a diaper is blown out, when they miss their nap schedule and so now everything bumps up an hour, you just lose that compounding benefit of consistency. Buddy Gosey: Yeah. Yep. So good. So good. So let's talk about rhythms. maybe starting a little smaller, this area of a a weekly rhythm. Still requires preparation, still requires thinking through strategically how you can do this well with your family. You're gonna have to bring your spouse into this, but the weekly rhythm that you start the book off with is Shabbat, which others would know as Sabbath. A lot of connotations for Sabbath come of you go to church, you don't mow the grass, maybe you watch some football. that's probably for most people who have been in the church for some degree. F for dads who've never seen it practiced well or never r maybe even really heard of it much, what is Shabbat and what does it look like on a weekly basis in your household? I know we've we've discussed this for probably half a decade now. So I'm I'm really Barrett Merrill: Yeah. Buddy Gosey: excited for you guys or for you to share with our dads about this. Barrett Merrill: Yeah, absolutely. mean, Shabbat, Sabbath, we can start from the biblical framework is it was this 24 hour period commanded in the Torah in a few different ways. The Ten Commandments that starts Friday at sundown and goes until Saturday at sundown. And really the premise is entering into the rest. releasing work, entering into the rest. And so I think on a practical standpoint, and I think this for every holiday, any, really any rhythm or ritual that you have period is you got to start by bookending it. What is the thing that you're using to symbolize the start and stop of the habit, the practice, the celebration? And so, you know, it starts by, you know, for us, we light a candle. at dinner on Friday nights. And that for us has that mental trigger of saying, all right, Sabbath has begun. We're entering into this space. some simple practices around the Sabbath dinner on Friday night will do some things like a hand washing ritual where we're kind of releasing the hard parts of our week to enter into the rest. But we're also celebrating all that God has done in the week. we'll do a repetitious prayer. there's this very short Hebrew prayer that my four-year-old has memorized. It's like six words, but it's the cutest thing ever. Buddy Gosey: It's amazing. Yeah, dude, it's awesome. Barrett Merrill: So it's really cool. know, I think we'll do story times sometimes we'll do some music and singing sometimes. That's kind of the Friday night ritual. And again, I think I can tell where you're going with this in terms of, you know, how realistic are some of these practices, but I think Those are some of the things we target. We try to do a Shabbat dinner to start off, but really the 24 hour period is, you know, just asking the question, what does it look like to release work and enter into rest? For our boys, we have named our four values for Sabbath. And that's another thing. My four year old will say these four values at the beginning of Sabbath. And he also gets the opportunity to hold us accountable to those things Buddy Gosey: Yeah. Barrett Merrill: too. Like we as a family are entering into those. But those values are rest, play, delight, and give thanks to God. And so really we orient our 24 hour period around that. Resting, we all take a nap on Saturdays. Playing, we usually go to parks. We'll sometimes do some outings with friends. Delighting, usually that's just taking the form of a treat. we'll go get donuts. This past weekend, we made homemade ice cream for the whole block. Buddy Gosey: Yeah. Barrett Merrill: it was just what makes this a really exciting day? And then obviously giving thanks to God is, you know, how can we see the goodness of God in those things? And so, yeah, that's kind of the four things that we really try to orient that 24 hour period around for us. Buddy Gosey: love it, dude. Our kids look forward to Sabbath so much because it's the best day of the week for them. They get to watch a movie. We get to take a nap, or sometimes I like moving my body, so I'll exercise. We we we eat sugar. We eat a lot of sugar from Friday night to Saturday night in our household because we don't the rest of the week. So it's it's set aside as separate or different. And our our kids have loved it. And we've had very similar rhythms to s starting We're starting to get better at the stopping and reflecting back. Hey, how did you see God in your rest? What are appreciative of? Things like that. It really does shape the other six days. I know Dan Allen, you mentioned it even in in your book, a quote of like it essentially is is it's living the best day with God that you that you can every single week if possible. Barrett Merrill: Yeah, absolutely. Buddy Gosey: so that let's get into the some of the specifics, because some of us got two year olds, some of us got twelve year olds, so this will look different, but When it starts going sideways, kids are melting down, friends are supposed to come over last minute, they can't, you burn the cookies, nobody's in the mood for it. You're you're trying to name the good for the week. That's how we we kick off our Sabbath. What was good this last week? And ain't nobody appreciative. Ain't nobody wanting to name anything good. What Barrett Merrill: Yep. Buddy Gosey: does it look like for you? What what are the things that are hard to overcome and how have you seen God work in it? Barrett Merrill: Yeah, absolutely. I think of the whole Mike Tyson quote, right? I think it's Mike Tyson where he says, Buddy Gosey: Yeah. Barrett Merrill: everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face. And Buddy Gosey: Yes. Barrett Merrill: I laugh at throwing that quote in there because I think it's relevant for the answer, but this past Sabbath. Levi was punched in the face left with a big old goose egg from one of his other four year old buddies and that totally derailed a portion of our Sabbath time celebration because now one of us is running away and we're facilitating the time but also tending to his wounds and so I think there's this reality that we all come in with a plan and with kids, you just have to stay flexible, stay adaptive, know how to simplify. think, you know, the two things that come to mind are one, you know, setting up an environment that welcomes the chaos of children. You know, I'm okay Buddy Gosey: Cool. That's good. Barrett Merrill: with if we're going through a liturgy and, you know, my boys are screaming and running around and playing, like, I'm not going to force them into every little detail. I try to draw them into a couple of things to engage them, but If they're making a mess in the back room, hey, go for it. As long as they're being respectful and having a good time, you have to have an environment that is conducive to children and is flexible. And when their needs come up, go attune to their needs. You're not performing for anyone when you're hosting a Shabbat. That's Buddy Gosey: Not it. Barrett Merrill: the opposite of what Shabbat is. If you're halfway into a prayer and then you just have to step out with the kid, No harm, no foul. that's just the way it is. I think on a more practical side though, you know, for us, we love the language of have your stretch goals, have your baseline goals Buddy Gosey: Mm. Barrett Merrill: and have your bare minimum goals. And so I think when you kind of tear it into those three buckets, you know, your stretch goals are, you know, holding onto the big vision. Like I I've learned a lot about Sabbath. There's tons of really, really cool practices that you can incorporate. There's this really neat practice where you can go around and say a blessing or a prayer over each child, one by Buddy Gosey: Yeah. Barrett Merrill: one from oldest to youngest. And I love that practice and we have not been able to do it for so long because the environment, know, the other night we had Shabbat and had like seven or eight kids over and it was just so crazy. And it was just like, it's just not going to happen. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, exactly. And so Buddy Gosey: It would have been inappropriate. Stop your fun so I can bless you. that's weird. Barrett Merrill: But I think it's important to hold on to the stretch goals because the vision, whether it's, for now or 10 years in the future, it gives you a direction to aspire for. I think the baseline goals are the more realistic ones. They're not completely diluted, but they're also not unrealistic. And so I think, you know, week by week, we try to target the baseline, which is a few intentional things here and there. And then the bare minimum, right? Like that is just bare bones. if nothing else, we will light a candle on Friday night and say, today is Shabbat. And we might not do a single thing else the rest of the night, but it's like we have named it Shabbat and now we're gonna go tend to the chaos of our lives. And I think that's, know, if you can name that and have that shared language with your spouse and even your kids, if they're old enough, I think just having those shared expectations goes a long way. Buddy Gosey: So good, man. So good. So what's the dad's role? What have you seen as someone that's trying to lay this foundation, that's trying to set some of the leadership or guidance? What have you seen that as men we can step into in our household Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Buddy Gosey: to teach our family how to rest and delight in the Lord? Barrett Merrill: Absolutely. I don't think I have a theological response to that. I think, you know, every every couple has their own dynamics. And so I might be the visionary in my household, but, you know, many people, their wife might be the visionary in their household. It could be a single parent household. You know, there's so many different make ups. And so I think first is just knowing, you know, your tendencies, your personality with how you're facilitating. But I think beyond that, think specifically as dads in the 21st century West, I think naming maybe some of the sociological tendencies that men often have. A lot of men, a lot of dads struggle with getting into their emotions and expressing their emotions with their kids. A lot of times men can be more reserved when it comes to dancing or arts and crafts or the playfulness Buddy Gosey: Sure. Barrett Merrill: or even, you know, getting into some of the household logistics or chores. Again, that's not, you know, everyone, but I think that's a definitely a sociological tendency we see. And so I say is just lean in, show your kids by example that you're leaning in, not just conceptually, your body's not just there, but you're actually getting into it physically, getting into it emotionally, bringing that passion and that energy that can make something that could otherwise feel like religiosity and just another empty ritual. Bring it to life, bring out the playfulness, the joy, the beauty, the creativity that comes with it, I think, that goes a long way. I remember a couple years ago, we were doing a celebration and me and two of the dads, decided, hey, we're gonna act out a Bible story. And we were goofy and silly and the kids were laughing. And then for months after that, Levi kept coming back, my oldest son kept coming back and asked me to retell that story. And I was Buddy Gosey: Mm. Barrett Merrill: like, wow, that's because we as dads chose to lean into something that maybe otherwise would have felt awkward or uncomfortable. But we showed that for our children so they could ease into the comfort and the playfulness of. of that celebration. Buddy Gosey: And you give an inch, they'll they'll take it a mile. so, you know, what I'm not s you know, what Barrett's not Barrett Merrill: Absolutely, yeah. Buddy Gosey: saying is you gotta be the class clown or super creative or a great dancer, man. Just just show up. That's all this podcast is about is just showing up. Barrett Merrill: 100%. Buddy Gosey: And the other thing I wanna from my experience, I wanna earmark, it is your responsibility to help get the household in a place to where you can stop and rest. Because we don't we Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Buddy Gosey: don't do chores, we don't clean. I mean, we'll do the bare minimum. I'm gonna wipe my my baby's bottom and Make sure the dishes make it to the sink, but they're not going in the dishwasher. We're not vacuuming. We're not sweeping or mowing. So that means the other six days of the week, you gotta bust it. And probably the few hours before it starts, you gotta bust it. So as men, we have to set the household so our wives can take a step away from twenty four hours from the continual mental load of of being a home homekeeper. That's not everyone's situation, but that's that's usually the dynamic for a lot of households. last thing on on rest, how has this been formative for you? How have you as Barrett Merrill: Yeah. Buddy Gosey: a man that's stepped into years of trying to intentionally rest with your family, inviting community into it, delighting in the Lord, playing? Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Buddy Gosey: What what has that done to to your heart and into your your soul? Barrett Merrill: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. it's done so much. think I think the early days of leaning into Shabbat, and it's an ongoing process, right? We're never we're never completely there. But I think those early days was very much a detox process of, Buddy Gosey: Mm. Barrett Merrill: you know, not realizing how addicted I was to productivity and and identifying what work looks like. You know, I work a typical nine to five job. I don't usually have job type work on the weekends, Buddy Gosey: Mm-hmm. Barrett Merrill: but work takes a lot of different forms. I have a lot of passion projects I love to do. There's house projects that, you know, I can obviously, you know, be tempted to do on the weekends or want to do in some of those windows. There's chores that need to be done, always cleaning and I think for me, the first thing was just, have to start naming all of the ways that I'm working and exerting myself towards the end of productivity. And I Buddy Gosey: Hm. Barrett Merrill: think when you can start to name those things, you can start to get a little bit more control over them. And you can start to identify those first and second steps towards releasing those and recognizing, hey, there's always going to be more work. What can it look like for me to release those to enter into? a greater form of rest, to not be enslaved to productivity. And I think as you move through the stir craziness and the irritability of wanting to do certain things, I think we slowly get to encounter the contentment and the simplicity. yeah, just think of like, he is in perfect peace whose eyes have stayed on him. on the Lord, and I think we get to Buddy Gosey: Mm. Barrett Merrill: encounter that perfect and that satisfactory peace in Christ. Buddy Gosey: Good man. When you first start, you are restless, you are detoxing, you are realizing whether it's purchasing things or building things at home or thinking about work. We we a lot of times don't stop and enjoy that which the Lord has already given us. So that Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Buddy Gosey: contentment word that you said, if you're someone who struggles as a dad to be content, stopping and not striving for more, but s just enjoying as much as humanly possible what the Lord has given you with God. That's what this is all about. And it'll take weeks or mont months or years sometimes to learn Barrett Merrill: Yeah. Buddy Gosey: how to do that. And these embodied practices that Barrett outlines Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Buddy Gosey: with your family's participation, it it'll help. It'll help get you there. with the Lord's Barrett Merrill: Yeah. Buddy Gosey: grace, obviously, because all these are just practices to put us in a position to receive from the Lord because He's the one that does the work in our hearts. Yeah. Barrett Merrill: a thousand percent. And I think I think you said the word grace, right? Like you have to extend graciousness to yourself. Like there are days where I either feel ashamed or I cave and I do something, you know, work related. it's like shame is only going to beget shame. Like See it, name it, and extend the grace to realize it's a process. It's not a couple of weeks, months, years. It's a lifetime process of learning how to enter into the rest. Buddy Gosey: Absolutely. And there'll be a day that it comes effortlessly until then we strive with the help of God. Okay, Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Buddy Gosey: so weekly rhythm, there's there. It's something that I think all dads can and I'll have a challenge for you guys at the end can step into. Let's do a little bit more of a stretch one. Sukkot, we've talked about it, we've teased it out. If you like camping, if you like being outdoors, if you like friends, this this one, it don't don't make it too heady or theological for us, Barrett. Tell us what it is and why dads should do it, because I think there's more that would w be interested in this than maybe they even realize. Barrett Merrill: Absolutely. So high level as mentioned, Sukkot, the Feast of Booths or the Feast of Tabernacles. At simplest form, it's an annual celebration for God's people to remember the wandering in the wilderness. So the celebration looks like it's a seven-day celebration where the Israelites would make these temporary shelters or temporary homes to stay in and draw their minds back to remembering God's provision and faithfulness in the wilderness. Buddy Gosey: Good man. So as we are looking at this practically, most of us don't got seven days to to go live outside in temporary Barrett Merrill: Right, right, right. Buddy Gosey: shelters. but there is something about living in temporary shelters, l whether that's camping or things that we're gonna talk about, it it leads us to trusting God's provision. curious Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Buddy Gosey: in your own life, how how has that landed? Of like when you take a step away from your normal rhythm. So we're gonna talk about practically what that's looked like you for you Barrett Merrill: Yeah. Buddy Gosey: recently. But what's that done as as we look back at the Lord's faithfulness, taking some weight off of your shoulders as a man of the of the household, leading your family? Barrett Merrill: Yeah, man, think first of all, it's just sobering. I think it sobers this reality and reminds us to stay anchored in the meta narrative and the reality that that God is only the only true provider. He's Buddy Gosey: Mm-hmm. Barrett Merrill: the only true sustainer. And we're kidding ourselves when we put ourselves in a position to think, this stuff is coming from me. He's the only one anything could happen. Life is a vapor. The Lord gives and takes away. Like we need to remember these realities. Like teach me to number my days, Lord. anything can happen. Like yes, we're called to this faithful work, but we have to continue to just daily recall the reality that it's only by God's provision. You know, I think of the passage, I'll try to clip a couple sections of it, but the passage from Deuteronomy 8, and I absolutely encourage everyone to go and read that chapter in reflection on, you know, this idea of Sukkot and provision. Because here we see God is preparing the people the Israelites to enter into the promised land. And so he starts off and he says, the commonly quoted verse, know, man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God. And so I think like right off the bat, we're recognizing like all of this physical and material stuff is never gonna sustain us. whether it's brought into us or it's us providing it to our children, like only the mouth of God, only his word, only his presence is what ultimately sustains us. Then he goes on to reference, and I think it's kind of this idea of Sukkot remembering referencing God's provision in the wilderness. He says, your clothing did not wear out on you and your foot did not swell these 40 years. Buddy Gosey: Mm. Barrett Merrill: and he starts to talk about like, have I not provided for you? Like, yes, you were like this nomadic people, you lived in tents, you had to move from place to place, you had to rely on me every single day to provide this manna from heaven and this water. God calls to mind his faithfulness in the journey. And so I think it's us recalling that. But then he starts to talk about, hey, I'm about to bring you into this promised land where, you know, there's brooks of water, there's fountains, there's springs, there's wheat and barley, there's vines of fig trees, pomegranates, olive trees, honey, bread without scarcity, there's stones or iron. You can dig up copper in the hills. Like there's this lush, like Eden-like imagery of abundance Buddy Gosey: Mm. Barrett Merrill: that they're about to enter into. But then I think my favorite part is when you bounce down to verse 17, he ends it by saying, beware lest you say in your heart, my power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth. Buddy Gosey: That's terrifying. Barrett Merrill: And it's just like this reality that we are so quick when we experience provision or abundance. to turn the tables, to forget the 40 years that we were 100 % dependent on God's provision. And then we start thinking right when he brings us into a place of abundance, this came by my power, my authority, my work. And so I think it just anchors us in this reality that we are, yes, in a sense, we're co-laborers in the provision for our children, for our families, but we are not the ultimate provider and we have to root ourselves in that humbling reality that we are still dependent on God. Buddy Gosey: It's wild, man, because even on a in a different way, obviously I I'm a bow hunter, so I'm out in the woods this time of year. And just being outside away, phone away, the the luxuries of your life away, alone with God, you strip it away, you realize just how small you are and how much you have been given. so I I think there is something within us when we get outside. Especially in nature with other people oriented towards God, we can take a step away from trying to continue to build and build ourselves up. And again, look back at all the Lord has done because there is that terrifying warning. If Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Buddy Gosey: not, you will succeed, but you will think it's through your efforts, which is just Barrett Merrill: Yeah. Buddy Gosey: it it leads to so much destruction in the lives of men and then in their families and households. So Barrett Merrill: Yeah. Buddy Gosey: let practically you've you've recently gone out with some families and practiced this. What Barrett Merrill: Yep. Buddy Gosey: does that look like in twenty twenty six for us as dads to do this ancient practice with within our families and community? Barrett Merrill: Absolutely. so yeah, mean, Sukkot specifically, I know that's the one we're talking about. A few weeks ago, maybe a month ago now, we had about eight or nine families that went on a camping trip. No, first off, we did not go for seven days. It was one night. because we're Buddy Gosey: Right. Barrett Merrill: simplifying, we're taking our first step. I'm still on my journey of incrementally entering into some of these practices. we said, hey, one night camping, think that's what we can handle. So we went out, we went camping. A lot of it was just playing, just being out in nature. But I think we had a couple of activities. So like we invited the kids to build like their own little makeshift shelter. And so they went and collected sticks and leaves and, you know, one of them could get under it at a time. And we were able to absolutely. Buddy Gosey: they would love that, dude. Kids everywhere love that. Barrett Merrill: Yeah, and I think the parents were engaged the whole time and it was playful and it was fun. But we were able to share some of the story on the back end of, now that you physically built this, you saw how hard it was to build. Some of the kids got frustrated at times because it kept falling over. But we were able to talk in that embodied, practiced way, get to share some of the root messages of what Sukkot was all about. we did some prayer times, some singing, a lot of singing, some storytelling, but it really was just about being with one another out in nature, getting out of the house, recognizing the simplicity of it all, and just continuing to name with our kids. Look at the joy that we can have when we celebrate God's provision. And also can we appreciate that, you know, right now we have a lot. of inconveniences, artificial inconveniences, but still inconveniences that can remind us that, we're still dependent on God. And so, yeah, it was simple, it was fun, it was playful, but I think it was a really meaningful time to incrementally let kids encounter this holiday. Buddy Gosey: I know you've mentioned in the book it's kinda mid to late September through early to mid October. It's traditionally celebrated. What a what are guys, take your family camping with other families, have some structure into it. have some time of remembrance. you know, have an embodied time where you're physically creating shelters and living and I I just don't see why more men wouldn't say this seems like a a rhythm that I could do Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Buddy Gosey: annually every early fall. it it sounds super inviting and yeah, I think that's really interesting for I still got a six month old. We were joking we're about a year away from getting back to tent camping. So yeah, I think next year that's something Madeline and I are gonna really enjoy doing. Hey Barrett, we do this thing on the podcast where we joke about keeping it under an hour. We got about ten minutes. It's n it never happens, Barrett Merrill: Perfect. Buddy Gosey: so if we don't, it's no big deal. So let's try and keep it under an hour and just kind of start landing this plane a little bit for some of these dads. If a dad's thinking man, I wanna I wanna do some of this. I wanna have a more embodied faith where we're having some of these rhythms, weekly or annually. but I don't really know where to start. you've done a great job simplifying it, giving us some introductory steps. Paint a picture of what this might look like initially for them to get started with some of the things that you mentioned in in your book. Barrett Merrill: Yeah, absolutely. think, you know, the learning piece for this, you know, for Feast and Festivals in particular, I think is always a good start. You can't imagine what's possible if you don't already have some semblance of what's already there. And so, you know, I think first off, just learn about them, read some articles, read my book, you know, but... Buddy Gosey: You you do. You lay out preparation, things that you're going to need ahead of time, some very practical questions as you have more like a liturgy. So it it is, it's Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Buddy Gosey: a great resource for it. Barrett Merrill: Yeah, so I think just learning a little bit, educating yourself a little bit, but then, spending some time with the Lord and just prayerfully saying, hey, this is a lot to digest. These look really cool, but that's a lot. You know, you're not going to add 12 new holidays to your year on year one. Buddy Gosey: Right. Barrett Merrill: Bring to the Lord and Just say is there one that stands out? what seems exciting? Do you get excited about camping or just dread, dread camping? Look at some of the different ones, bring it before the Lord and see if one really stands out. then within that one holiday, pick one practice. Don't start trying to cram 10 practices into one. If you start it today and you have, you know, for me, I have a four year old. It was his first Sukkot. If I had one practice a year, By the time he's Buddy Gosey: Mm. Barrett Merrill: 18, we have this robust 14 different practices, but we're not overwhelming it in year one. We're sustainably and incrementally growing. So pick one celebration and then one practice within that celebration and just bring it to the Lord and just get started. Buddy Gosey: Yeah, it's good. And the rhythm word we keep coming back to you just build upon it, right? Both as Barrett Merrill: Yeah. Buddy Gosey: adults and kids. a lot of change at once is whiplash, could be confusing, frustrating. but just start building some rhythm. In view of that, you kinda painted a picture of when Levi's heading off to to college. Ten, fifteen years from now, what do you hope the Lord does in your family through some of these rhythms and and feast Barrett Merrill: Mm-hmm. Buddy Gosey: and festivals y'all practice? Barrett Merrill: Yeah, I think, first off, I just wanted to be fond memories, formational memories. I Buddy Gosey: Yeah. Hmm. Barrett Merrill: would love if when he left for college, he looked back and said, wow, it just kept getting better. Like Buddy Gosey: Hm. Barrett Merrill: I just, if that's one of the biggest things he said, that it just was so enriching for his childhood, that he got to do it with his friends, that he had these friends since he was preschool age, that he just kept doing and leaning into these things with. I think it's so foundational. It builds those core memories that are going to anchor him when he has to go into the world and figure out who he is and those grounding principles and practices that really anchor his identity. So I think that's a big thing. Yeah, think kids are not... they don't learn conceptually at a young age in comparison to like empirically. And so I also wanted to, you I don't want him to go his entire childhood memorizing Bible verses and having this like foundational doctrine, but never, never looking back and saying like, I... Was God good? Was he loving? Was he playful? Did he listen to me? And so I hope he comes Buddy Gosey: Mm. Barrett Merrill: with a lifetime of experiences that he can look back on and be like, wow, I experienced God's goodness. I didn't just learn about it. And yes, we're Buddy Gosey: Yeah. Barrett Merrill: trying to teach the stories and lessons, but I'm so at this age, I'm so much less concerned about memorizing and getting it right as I am just like, I just want him to daily think like, wow. Life is lived to the full when I experience Jesus in these things that he loves to do with me. Buddy Gosey: So good, man. just dads as we wrap up. And imagine a decade from now you were able to most every week have a time where your family and other families you love gather for a great meal and you don't work and you commit to just enjoying your life together. And then once a fall you go and you build tents and your kids make shelters and you tell stories. You sing, you dance, you eat good food, and you remember that the reason why you are sheltered and provided for is because it's the Lord that's brought you out of hard time hard times and he's your provision. Those two things, man, like that gets me excited to leave my family. Those are the type of memories when my kids leave the household. I want to look back and I know will be shaping and formative in their relationship with God and and godly people. So Bear, Barrett Merrill: Yeah. Buddy Gosey: thanks for helping us just kind of have a framework, some resourcing. maybe a a little bit of imagination and motivation to start considering these things. Dads, I want you to the challenge for the week is just pick one night on on your upcoming week. Get get the people you need on board. If there's other people in your household, a spouse, kids, maybe you live with other people, get on board and pick that night for an unhurried family meal, phones away, light a candle, pray. Bless each other, bless your kids. And if you can do it with another family, that's that's even a bonus. But really just look at what it looks like to kick off at least one night. If you can do a twenty four hour period, do it. But like Barrett said, just build in one practice and have one meal. I think might be a great way to have some Sabbath rest together. Barrett, where can folks keep up with all that you're writing and thinking about? 'Cause I know you're pretty active on Substack, some on social media, obviously, where can they pick up the book? share a little bit with the folks and then we'll link everything you're about to say into the show notes as well. Barrett Merrill: Yeah, for sure. So book is on Amazon. You can also get a link to it on my website, just BarrettMerrill.com. And then, yeah, I write about a whole plethora of topics, but usually it revolves around the household and community. At points I'll hit on the gatherings and there's a whole lot of other topics I love to write about, but I have a weekly newsletter over on Substack. So definitely check it out over there too. Buddy Gosey: Yeah, he's got great stuff on proximate living, which just means how to be a good neighbor and how to enjoy your neighbor. So, yeah, Barrett Merrill: Yeah. Buddy Gosey: I really appreciate some of the work you're diving in and I got a a feeling there might be another book bubbling up with that sooner than later. So Barrett, thanks for joining us, man. Why don't you bless the the listeners? Just a prayer of provision, understanding of of how God maybe wants to use some of this content that they've listened to today for for his glory. Barrett Merrill: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, Lord. Thank you for just the space to engage. You are the Lord of the Sabbath. are the Passover lamb. You are the word and spirit of Shavuot. You are the atonement of Yom Kippur. You are our eternal, eternal dwelling place of Sukkot. Jesus, you fulfill and enliven all of the scriptures, all of these celebrations, all of these practices, and you invite us into these things to share with our families, share with our kids, share with our communities. so... Yeah, we just ask for your guidance, your direction. A lot of the stuff is foreign, new, unfamiliar. And so would you just lavish us with the grace and the encouragement, the curiosity that can move us into just taking that next step that can explore the vastness of life that's rooted in you. I bless each of these fathers as they are navigating intentionally, engaging their children and this process and this journey of fatherhood. Thank you for being the good and the perfect father that you are and continuing to father us as we are on this journey. So we bless you, we love you and yeah, bless this podcast as it continues to create the conversations we need to have as dads. So we love you, amen. Buddy Gosey: Amen. Hey, Unc B, thanks for joining us. everyone, make sure Barrett Merrill: Yes sir, yes sir. Buddy Gosey: you subscribe and like or leave a comment. Send us a DM, send Barrett a direct message. We'll have some of his contact information there if you want to engage with anything that we've talked about today. But yeah, if you share this podcast with others, it it helps us out tremendously. as we we do this as a hobby. We do this for fun. We just want to bless people and would love to bless as many people as possible. So thank you, dads, for joining in and I hope y'all have a great rest of your week. God bless.