Latest / Cash Confident with Brie Sodano / Smashing Through Mental Blockages for Financial Success

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Smashing Through Mental Blockages for Financial Success · Cash Confident with Brie Sodano

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Cash Confident podcast.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I'm Brie Sedano, your fearless host, personal finance expert and the visionary behind the revolutionary Cash Confident community.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Get ready to embark on an electrifying journey where we redefine the rules of money and empower women to harness the immense power to craft a life they truly, truly desire.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: This podcast is the ultimate resource, meticulously crafted, for women who are ready to unleash their financial prowess and embrace a life of abundant success.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: We leave no stone unturned as we delve into the depths of money management, mindset mastery and the undeniable influence of emotions on your financial decisions.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Prepare to rise above the societal limitations and break free from the chains that have held you back, as we equip you with the tools and knowledge to make bold, confident choices with your cash.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: We believe that true financial power begins with knowledge, and that is exactly what we deliver.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: So buckle up, my fierce and ambitious friends, as we embark on this transformative journey to becoming Cash Confident together.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Hello, hello everyone.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I am super excited to talk to you today about mapping the money mindset, so I'm going to share with you some of the observations that I've made working with clients over the last 10 years about kind of like.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: This is the way that I see it right.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: This is my observations and my opinions and the things that I've learned from my clients over the last few years, and kind of insight into how I help them, how I work with them, all right.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: So I love talking about money mindset, because it is really one of the things that moves the needle very, very quickly and when we are trying to very drastically change our reality, the mind is generally the first place I'm going to go.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: We do go layers deeper.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: I do get into like the emotional field and I do get into like the energetic field and sometimes even work with clients and like nervous system, you know, body level type stuff.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: But most of the time we're going to start with the mind, and the reason that that is is because the mind makes all the plans.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: So what your mind can't grasp, you're probably going to be able to create or see those opportunities that come your way.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: And as we change our perspectives on things, our life really changes and I have a ton of evidence in my own life as far as what I'm going to teach you today, and I've seen lots and lots of evidence, you know, with clients working with them over the, you know, since 2013.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: So, without further ado, we will just get right into it All right.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: So when I'm looking at, when I'm talking to somebody, I'm listening to their words, right, because their words are the representation of thought like out into the real world.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Right, it's like you take your thoughts and you turn them into words.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: So when I'm listening to clients talk, I'm listening to their thoughts.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: That is one level that I'm that I'm working on.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Now this is going to be the realm of, like, the conscious mind.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: So these are the thoughts that you can hear because you can speak them.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: You know, like this is probably like your internal dialogue.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: You know, like the part of you that's like did you go, did you make the dentist appointments and did you pay the bills and did you do the things, what was she thinking?
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: And who are you?
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Who, who are you to do this?
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Right, like that level of your, of your mind, that conscious awareness, that part of your brain that, like you, can hear a little bit, right, and so your words are going to match those thoughts.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Now, the way that I kind of see thoughts is like marbles in a maze, and I'm going to get into the rest of the maze as we go through this episode but I kind of see the thoughts that conscious level thinking is is like the marbles of the maze.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: So when people have a block, I have air quotes going up.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: I know this is a podcast, you didn't get to see my air quotes.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: But when people have a block with money, sometimes that can even be in the conscious realm of thinking.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Now, if you have a block as far up as your conscious realm of thinking, it's, it's going to be in your way, like there's no doubt about it.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: So things that I will generally hear is like you have to work hard to make money.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: There's no better jobs.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: You know, in my area, right, like these, these kind of thoughts, right, and they're.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: They may be based on beliefs, but they're just going to impact the way that you're, you're thinking, Okay.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: So for most people that I work with anyways, people generally aren't hiring me at the very, very, very start of like a personal development journey.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: They're usually coming to see me a little bit further along.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: So most of the time people have cleaned up some of their conscious thoughts and so when we talk about, you know, in the self-help world or in the manifestation world, you'll hear the phrase like learning to be the observer of your thoughts, and that's why we practice meditation, and so what that does is learning to observe your thoughts, and why you would do it is because it puts some space between you and your mind.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Now, listen, your mind is a liar, it's, it's.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: It's sometimes it knows stuff and like it's super useful for like reading spreadsheets and following the Google Mac directions, but when it comes to creating new things, not quite as much.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Your mind is all.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: It's all programmed based on the past, and so if we don't ever question what's in you know what's in your thoughts, then you'll just sort of keep recreating the past.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: The other thing about the thoughts that I really want to say is the cool things is that you can control them right.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Like, look at, right now, while you're listening, I'll just be quiet for a second, just make your mind say happy birthday, like you can do it, and so learning to anyways, I went on a small tangent there.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: So back to where I started from.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Learning to observe your thoughts helps you to separate from your mind a little bit.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: It helps you to see that there is the observer of the mind and that there is the mind that is talking, and they're a little bit.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: They're different, right?
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: So, like you, your soul, the being that's inside of your body, you can hear your thoughts and with a little bit of separation, with, like, when you're observing them, you're just watching your thoughts go by you can start to notice wow, that's an interesting thought, or wow, that's a super helpful thought, or that thought is detrimental to my success, and you can start to see it.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: And the more separation you have, the more that you can start to really like notice when your mind is choppy today, or when your mind is sluggish, or when your mind is like on a roller coaster of I don't know the rabbit hole of negativity, or when your mind is in great spirits, and the thing about it is, we can use our thoughts, we can use our conscious mind to gather evidence.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Like you can use your conscious mind, your thought levels, on purpose, right.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: So if I was to say to you write down a hundred reasons, you're the most amazing thing that has ever existed on this planet.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: You're going to use your conscious mind to do some of that and it may go into different parts of your other mind and retrieve information or whatever, but in the realm of thoughts, what's super cool is that you have a level of control and intentionality and your mind wants to help, your mind wants to serve you, and so that's, that's awesome, all right.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: So those are some things to know about the conscious level of thought, right?
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: So that's generally going to be thoughts that you can like, hear, you know, you know, and that you have some control over that.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: You can adjust the thought, you can ask your mind hey, stop shit talking, my co-worker, we have things to do.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know, sometimes that doesn't work super great, but sometimes it does.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: So when we were talking about that maze, so when I'm talking about thoughts being a marble of the maze, now we're going to start to talk about belief structures, and these generally are more in the subconscious mind, although some are very pertinent and we'll see them in the conscious mind the things that we're going to talk about next.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: So when I talk about belief structures, if this was a maze, we would be talking about the walls of the maze.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: So we're going to start with beliefs.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: Now, listen, everything that we're going to talk about are belief structures.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: That's what I call them.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: They're belief structures, they're mental structures that in your brain, I'm sure would be like a neural pathway.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: But when I'm listening to clients I'm generally for lack of a better term like I listen to their words bump up against their belief structures, so I'll hear the words themselves and know that thought level of thinking, but then usually I can hear where those thoughts bump up against these belief structures and that gives me ideas of where their beliefs are.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: And generally that's going to be more in the implications of things and the things that are not said in the information.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: That's between the lines, right, like it's in between the words, all right.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: So belief structures are.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: They're just things that you know to be true.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: So all of our experience we're constantly learning from, and so most of us have many years on this planet, right, especially if you're listening to this podcast, you're probably not a preschooler, right?
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: And so beliefs like a regular old belief is just something that we know and experience to be true.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: That's it Like.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: It's just the thing that we believe.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: And most of the time when I'm talking about regular old beliefs, I tend to think about them more in the outside world.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: So things like it snows in New England, right, like I know, I have evidence of this.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: This is, this is to be true, you know, or when people say things like you know, I'm at the top of my pay grade, I can't make any more money here.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: That may also.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: That may also be true.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Now, the difference between a belief and a limiting belief.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: Well, you know what I'm going to say?
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: This, first, is all beliefs provide both mental structure and limitation.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: So beliefs are like the walls you know of the of this maze that I'm giving you this metaphor for, and they provide structure and they provide limitation, which is, which is actually a really cool feature, right?
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: It's just like the walls of your house.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: They provide structure and limitation.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Your house isn't in your yard, because the walls separate what's inside the house from outside the house, right?
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: And so these belief structures are what really constructs reality for you.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: So, if you have a belief that, like infinite, money is available at all times to me, right, this very second, your life is going to be very different than if you believe you're at the top of your pay grade.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: You can't make any more money.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: You know money doesn't come to people like you, right?
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: So these are belief structures, and so limit, limiting beliefs are when our belief structures are much smaller than the reality that we want to construct.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: So if again to the maze point or to the house point, it's like if you have these belief structures that provide structure and limitation, so when you want a very much bigger reality, those walls need to move because you're constructing something bigger.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: And this all happens in the internal world before it happens in the external world.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: So you will see people doing their affirmations or visualizing things or working on clearing out their old junk from their you know, from their psyche, increasing their personal power, before you see their lives changed.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: Now, a lot of times these are invisible to us if we're not looking, but inside yourself.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Like this is the way that it goes you change the internal world and that internal map and then the external map follows.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: It follows Like that's the way that it goes.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: And so what ends up happening is if you have belief structures that are too small, generally I will find clients not being able to find their desires like having really boring, dry, brittle goals, like good girl goals that there's nothing true.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: There's nothing.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: There's nothing true about them.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: I will find that when there's a lot of limiting beliefs around, desire the possibility of having more or having something different Oftentimes with limiting beliefs too, I will see it like somebody's beliefs get in the way where they cannot grasp that something is possible, and they'll say things to me like I can't even imagine having that much money, I can't even imagine having that many clients, I can't even imagine having a staff that big, like because they're what I'm talking about with them is so far beyond their current belief structure that it's like not even in their yard, like it seems really far away, right?
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: So that's generally how you'll know Like when I'm listening to people talk, that's how I'll know like, ooh, there's beliefs in between here, and even setting a goal, beliefs will also impact how you perceive like what comes back to you.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: So the way that you interact with the world is another place that beliefs really, really matter.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: So you can miss opportunities because they don't align with your belief structures.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: We have a part of our brain called our particular activating system that filters reality and it's programmed based on the beliefs that you have.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: So if you have beliefs that say there's no good men, I'm at the top of my pay grade, there's no more money, materials for my kitchen project are too expensive, like, your brain will go about finding evidence for that, because that's how that particular activating system belief structure like that's.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: The belief structures have programmed that particular activating system to find evidence of that.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: All being true.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: Your brain always wants to be right and it wants to be in congruence with who you think you are, and it wants to do what's familiar.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: So those are a couple of things that you want to know about, and it's not just about you, it's like about humans, your belief.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Your brain wants to be right, your brain wants to be right about the things that you believe, and so it's constantly looking for evidence of that.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: So those are belief structures.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: So when I'm working with clients, I'm going to find like a belief structure.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Some of the things that we can do is we can use our thoughts to like, first get like our fingerprints on that belief structure.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: And so I say fingerprints because a lot of times belief structures are invisible to the person that has them.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: Because that, because, until you've really learned how to navigate your own mind and see belief structures for what they are, they are just true, like they're just a reality.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: It's like a fish Does a fish know that it's in water?
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: Like you don't know.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: Like how would anybody know?
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: And it's just because those beliefs are there, like they just been the way that it is, and so until you start to see them and question them, you might not even notice that you have to have these belief structures, because all of it's based on true stuff anyways.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: So a lot of times we're going to question is that true and is it the entirety of truth?
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to give you an example.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: So at one point I had a client who definitely had this experience and I believe her.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: So she was my client, probably close with probably like 2014.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: And in 2008 she lost her job.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: Her sister lost her job also, and they both had a very difficult time finding another job.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: They both struggled for months and months and months.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: It took her nearly a year to find another job.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: She had to go back, she had to do some stuff, she had to go back to school.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: It was like a bit For her, it was kind of a tragic experience.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: She really had a tough time and was deeply and profoundly like hurt, and I think that's the best way to put it.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: It's like hurt, like from the entire experience, and so I'm working with her in 2014.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: So this is a good.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know what seven to eight years after the fact and we're talking about her college age, young adult children you know kids that in their you know, from like maybe like 18, 19 to like 25.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: And she's picking up a lot of their expenses still.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: And I was like, well, so maybe for your financials we could start to get some of these other people's expenses off of your.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: You know you should stop paying for your kids stuff, more or less.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: You know, and that was part of a bigger discussion of boundaries and how to do it and how to be supportive, and that's it.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: But what she says to me is like they're not going to get jobs in the summer.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: It takes way longer than that to get a job.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: And I was like what Now?
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: I didn't at this point, I didn't know her story of the job lost tobacco in 2008.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: So I was like I'm pretty sure college kids get jobs for the summer all the time and I'm pretty sure restaurants are looking to hire college students and ice cream shops and summer camps and amusement parks.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: I'm sure these kids can work.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: And she was just like, absolutely like, they're like it's not going to work, they're not going to get a job.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: And I was fascinated by this because I was like what a weird thing.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: But really she just had this belief because she had such a true and hard experience finding a job that she was using that belief to construct the reality.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: Now, what's interesting was that belief she was also projecting onto her kids in the form of not believing that they could do it, having low expectations and being willing to pick up the tab on, like, their cell phones, their cars, insurance, their books.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: You know the those young adults have a lot of big, big expenses and so it's just interesting, right, and so that's the way that it kind of played out in real life for this person.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: And I was like the economy, but like, here we are, many years later.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: I'm like the economy is not the same.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: These kids are not you.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: They're going to be looking for different kinds of jobs, like none of the circumstances are really there.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: So we started to use her conscious thoughts to really kind of question that belief structure.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: Does this still make sense?
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: Like, just because we experienced it in the past, does that mean we are going to experience it in the future?
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: Right, and it was something like a job.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: Like most of us have many jobs over the course of a lifetime, so some jobs may be harder to get, some jobs may be easy to get, sometimes it may take a while, sometimes it may happen super fast.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we may negotiate, sometimes we might not even think to negotiate, and all of those different experiences are available to us.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: They're all possible.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: But if you see things as a challenge and you cast or more and just that, you're going to be limited by that.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: So this woman was limited by this belief structure and that belief structure was super interesting because it was not only limiting to her, but she was using it as a limitation for what she even saw possible for her children.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: Right, and this is how belief structures get passed down to generations to generations.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: Like we talk about this, like you know, sometimes we'll talk about family patterns with money, and this is like the perfect example of how that kind of gets passed down.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: So, with limiting beliefs, you can start to.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: Once you have the ability to observe your thoughts, then you can start questioning do these beliefs make sense?
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: Do I still want to believe these things?
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: And then I have this idea where there's fragments of truth.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: Right, because people a lot of times our mind wants to like desperately cling to these belief structures, because they're true because they're right, because we definitely experience them.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: And that's one of the biggest, biggest like holdbacks for people is because it's not even like the willingness to be wrong, but it's it's just a willingness to be like that was true.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: And there are other truths available, right, and so you have to start to look like all right.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: Well, is it true that because I had a tough time in 2008 finding a job, that everybody had a tough time?
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: Nope.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: Is it true that in 2008, everybody's and come with them?
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: Nope.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Is it true that you know these kids aren't going to be able to find you know?
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: So you start to question this is where I'm going with it.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: You just start to question.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: You know also like does this truth still serve me?
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: And it's not that you're going to make it not true in your mind, it's not like you're going to gaslight yourself into being like my 2008 experience was fast, easy employment with lots of money.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: I was just like no, but I had this experience and now I want a different experience, and then you can start to change those belief structures.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: But if you, if you go about the world's believing, you know it's going to take a long time to find the job.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: It's going to be terrible the whole process.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Like, you're going to go at it half-assed and stank, with low expectations, right, you're not going to be putting your radiance, your vigor, your life force into it because you already, like half don't believe it anyways, right?
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's enough about regular belief structures.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: So the next thing I want to talk about is judgments.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: Now judgments, who so juicy judgments?
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: What I want to say is like so judgments to me are like a wall that separates two different you know it separates something into it to a set of opposites.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: Now, judgments stop the flow of energy, and so this works on the mental, emotional and physical realm.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: So let's just say, when it comes to thinking, if you're talking to somebody who's got a lot of judgments and they your words are not getting in we will call those people close minded, right.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: They'll be like oh, they're super close minded Like you.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: You can.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: You probably know an experience that I'm talking about, where you're talking to somebody who's got maybe really just different belief structures, then you different, you know different worldview and you can see that you've hit a wall with them.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: That's a judgment.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: You're, you're on one side of their judgment, they're on the other side of their judgment and they like, probably really can't even hear you Right, and there's, we all have had that experience happen.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: Then in the emotional realm, a lot of times judgments will cause a lot of resistance, and it's more or less when it comes to the idea of taking action.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: So let's just say you have a judgment that salespeople are sleazy and and wrong and bad and trying to screw people, which is a pretty common way.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's, that's a belief structure, that's.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: Those are some judgments that, like when I work with clients generally, we're going to bring up sales if they have a business right, so they may, may have those things.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: So when it's time to sell, you would have to be sleazy and dirty and wrong and trying to screw people.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: If you have that judgment, so you would have to be on the wrong side of your own judgment, and so what will end up happening is your emotions are very likely going to get in the way of you taking action and that may show up in procrastination, stress, cleaning, doing things that are not sales activities while you're supposed to be doing your sales activities, and probably a state of like activated or even it depends on how, how strong these judgments are, or you could even call yourself like triggered while you're making your sales Right.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: So that's that is the kind of the way that that goes right.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: If you're on the wrong side of your judgments or you're going to take actions that would put you on the wrong side of your judgments, it's going to feel bad, and then judgments will generally stop action, and so this is kind of tied to the emotional piece.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: But it's like you know, if I said to you, hey, the path to abundance is to go to Walmart and steal a 99 cent can of tuna, you may not take that action.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: And I'm not, I'm not suggesting that, you know, by the way, like it's not the path to abundance, shoplifting is not the path to abundance.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: But I'm just saying most of us will have some pretty firm black and white judgments around shoplifting.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: So that's that's a good example to give, and you're probably not going to take that action.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: Your feelings are going to get in the way, you're going to resist that, you're going to hesitate and ultimately, most of us are probably not going to take that action.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: And so that's kind of the way that that judgments impact, you know, thoughts, emotions and actions, and so judgments really help us to navigate the world safely.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: Like most of the judgments go, they kind of go in layers where, where something's, like, you know, good or bad, right or wrong, and then right or wrong gets into all sorts of like colorful connotations.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: So, like most people would be like, oh, I'm willing to be generous, I'm not willing to be greedy, I have a judgment that generous is good and greedy is bad.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: I have a judgment that says self less right, self less giving everything away is good, but being selfish and, you know, thinking about myself is wrong or bad, right.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: And these judgments help us to navigate the world safely.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: Because humans live in community, we live in family, and so these judgments help us to navigate, like all of the social dynamics.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: And when, when judgments are even like, so real, we put them into laws, right, like we'll make rules, we'll make laws, we will all drive on the, you know, on the same side of the road.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: We will all, you know, wait in line in this order, right, because to not do that would really put us, you know, at social risk.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: So I think judgments really help us to navigate physical safety and even social safety.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: And so with judgments, a lot of times people cut off massive amounts of their own power with their judgments.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: So like, for example, one of the things I do work with with my clients is things like greeting.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: You know, let's just break, break down the judgment, balance it out and we'll just do this and then that will.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: That will probably be that in our episode today, all right.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: So look at when we're generous, we're willing to give without exchange, like if I, you know, if I'm donating money to charity and I'm giving money away, I'm not expecting an exchange.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: I'm giving the money away from my overflow, from my abundance, and I'm not expecting anything in return other than that they use the money, you know, for their intended purpose.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: Right, all right, greedy has negative connotations.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: Greedy actually sounds like a vice, it's one of the deadly sins, greed.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: But what does it really mean?
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: Does it mean somebody who's willing to receive without expectation?
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: And there's not even a word with positive connotations?
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: For somebody who's just a joyful receiver, there's not even a word.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: So we have generous giving, receiving, greedy, negative connotations.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: So most of us see is better to give than to receive.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: We talk like this is taught to us, but the truth is is if you cannot receive without exchange, then your capacity to give is going to shrink and shrink and shrink, because you have to have the things to be able to give them.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: And when you're giving but you haven't received, eventually you get exhausted, you get tired, you feel resentful and you start needing or like needing, needing an exchange.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: And so when people are always giving but never receiving, never willing to be greedy, it ends up being greedy anyways, because then everything that they do, there's a hidden exchange that they're looking for because they actually need something back Right, because they're not willing to just receive Right.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: And so when I'm working with clients now listen, when I'm talking about opening up these judgments, I'm talking about having more room in the psyche to play, I'm talking about having more power.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: I'm not talking about, like, actually becoming a greedy person, but it's our willingness to be greedy that helps us to receive, and that's what puts us in balance.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: And the more that we can receive, the more we can have, the more we can give.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: And so that cycle, instead of getting smaller and smaller and smaller and tighter and tighter and tighter, it gets bigger and bigger and bigger, and I can give more and more and more and more Right.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: And so we want to be able to receive without exchange.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: We want those exchanges to feel good when we're in exchange, and then sometimes we want to be able to give without exchange, and that's the balance.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: So when we have these judgments, we end up getting out of balance, and so a lot of times for the ladies it causes a lot of all of the judgments, not just greedy and generous, but it really causes a lot of burnout, exhaustion, overgiving, overdoing productivity, chasing Right, like there's all of these things that are judgments will dictate these behaviors, and so the way to do it, the way that I really look at it, is balancing out a judgment.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: So we'll start to look for, well, what are all the downsides of being generous, what are all the upsides of being generous?
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: So we have the upsides and downsides of being generous, we have the upsides and downsides of being greedy, and you'll start to see that when you start to really play with this, you can start to see that they're both equally valid and that you would need to be able to openly receive, to be able to openly give and kind of go, kind of go from there.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: So in time you can learn to balance these judgments so that way one side's not good and one side's not bad.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: Now, judgments I'll tell you this judgments are easiest to see when you're looking outward, so, like at these mental structures exist within you, but they're easier to see when you're looking out and you're seeing somebody else on the right or wrong side of your judgments.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: So let's say you believe that stealing a can of tuna from Walmart is wrong.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: You may be at Walmart shopping right now, see somebody steal a can of tuna and be like they have stolen a can of tuna and they are wrong, right, like that'll happen in an instant.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: And then what you can, then you can be aware of that judgment.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: Now the phrase you spat it, you got it right, like there's a phrase about when you're judging people.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: The thing about judgments is you, where people like don't really where you spat it, you got it, is a little wrong, is like sometimes you can be on the right side of your own judgment and somebody else can be on the wrong side of your own judgment, your judgments.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: So it's not like, well, if you see somebody's ceiling, it's because your ceiling is just because you have a judgment, you're on it.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: So it just brings that mental structure into view.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: So you're on one side of it, you're on the, you know, the right side of the ceiling from Walmart judgment.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: They're on the wrong side of ceiling from Walmart judgment.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: So you can start to see the places where you're judging people and you can know that all of those judgments live within you.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: It's your judgment that they're on the wrong side of, and then you can choose whether or not that judgment is helpful or hurting you.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: Now, lots of judgments are helpful.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: They keep us from taking our run on the side of the highway.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: They stop us from, like you know, murdering each other, right, like morality is going to live in these realms of judgments and not, you know, like judgments are.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: They provide safety and structure to our again, to our behaviors, to who we think we are and to our realities.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: So they're really, really important.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: Just, sometimes we'll have judgments that take away our power, that stop us from being able to move, and sometimes, as we're increasing the size of our reality by, like you know, extending our beliefs and looking at these things, we need more power.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: We need more, you know, places to be able to stretch into.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: So, you know, a lot of times like greedy, selfish, bad, bad girl, right, those are some of the things that I'm working with with a lot of clients, because it makes sense that you would need to be selfish to be able to perform at a very high level, like you will need to take care of yourself at a very high level.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: You will need to make sure that your needs are tended to for you to be able to perform at your highest level.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: And so a lot of times when clients come seeing and limit us while they're already making good money in their businesses but we're looking at really growing, really expanding, hiring people, really bringing that impact out, and you can't make huge amounts of impact from a place of sacrificing yourself.
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: You won't have enough to sacrifice to make the impact.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: You have to learn to take care of yourself, to have what it takes to be resourced enough inside yourself to be able to give it a very high level, right.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: So it's just the sort of thing where now what's funny is that the more selfish you are, the more selfless you can be.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: It's a paradox, it's a funny thing to play with, but you have to get those needs met.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: It's just a part of it, and we have so many judgments and social conditionings around these things that those judgments can sometimes be hard to see and sometimes people need to help taking them down.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: So that's some of the work that we do.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: All right, so we'll do a quick recap.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: All right?
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: So we have thoughts, which is in the conscious realm.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: We have beliefs, which sometimes can be in the conscious realm.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: They may be at the surface of the mind, sometimes they can be a little bit more invisible.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: And then we have judgments, and judgments are also belief structures, but they're more applied to us and how we navigate the world, and how we think and how we take action or don't take action, or how we feel or don't feel Right.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: So super, super juicy stuff, and I like to look at it in those three levels because I think it's the clearest way to do it.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: And so the thoughts are like the marbles, the belief structures are like the walls of the maze and, to me, like the judgments, are kind of like the ground, but like if you could imagine some of the ground being safe to walk on and some of the ground not being safe to walk on.
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: So it's like how we navigate the maze.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: That is our belief structures.
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: Well, I hope you learned something.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: I hope this was helpful and useful to you and thank you for bearing with me as I share my I don't know, this is just the way that I see it.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: You know the way that when I'm working with clients, I kind of see their marbles hitting their walls and their judgments, and this is just the way that I kind of visualize it for myself.
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: So thank you, and if you know anybody who had benefited from this show, please, please, send it to them.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: All right, I love you.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you.
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: I will talk to you later.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: Bye, it was my pleasure and joy to talk with you today.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening.
• 35:43
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• 35:54
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