Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Boundaries are for us not them

Transcript

Boundaries are for us not them · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

• 0:02
  Welcome to the good morning from the chicken coop, podcast with
• 0:04
  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and master mindset.
• 0:08
  Coach filled with inspiration, distinctions, perspectives and
• 0:11
  possibilities. We help you to cultivate a
• 0:14
  mindset that leads you to create the best version of yourself.
• 0:17
  You could ever imagine join Kim every morning from one of her.
• 0:20
  Favorite happy places for chicken coop, along with all her
• 0:23
  chickens. Hey everybody.
• 0:28
  Good morning from the chicken coop.
• 0:30
  Ooh, so let's talk about boundaries and when I say
• 0:35
  boundaries, I am not talking about the boundaries that we set
• 0:38
  typically for other people and what we will quote unquote, take
• 0:44
  from them not taking that from them.
• 0:47
  And I always find this to be an interesting version of how to do
• 0:53
  boundaries because it's about the other person.
• 0:56
  If you're a listener regularly with me, you know, I'm going to
• 1:00
  say too. Same thing, I say very often,
• 1:02
  it's not about other people, it's about you, it's about what
• 1:05
  you allow for yourself internally, not externally, it's
• 1:10
  where you start to draw the line internally.
• 1:13
  So this means that you have to change your view of boundaries
• 1:19
  and often times, we will set them up and we will make them
• 1:22
  all about other people. We will make them about what we
• 1:25
  will take from other people. What we will allow from other
• 1:27
  people and it becomes To external in my opinion, for the
• 1:33
  greater good and for the greater good of you is what I'm talking
• 1:36
  about because we have no control over other people.
• 1:40
  We can't control other people no matter how much we want to, we
• 1:43
  can't control them, we have nothing that we can force upon
• 1:49
  them. That will make them shift at
• 1:52
  all. The only chance we have of
• 1:55
  shifting, a relationship that we have with other people is to
• 1:58
  shift ourselves and that That is the great conundrum of it all
• 2:03
  that. Great puzzle, the great mystery
• 2:05
  because when we change how we show up in an equation,
• 2:08
  something else changes the part of the butterfly effect is the
• 2:11
  way I like to think of it, you know, if the butterfly flapping
• 2:13
  its wings, does that have an effect on something?
• 2:16
  Yes. Because everything affects
• 2:17
  everything else. But the reality is that, when it
• 2:21
  comes to human beings Behavior, interacting with each other, the
• 2:27
  only way that you have an opportunity Is to shift
• 2:32
  yourself, shift, your points of view, shift, the way you show
• 2:36
  up, and then everything outside shifts.
• 2:40
  So the boundaries is and, and why are we talking about this
• 2:43
  right now? Well, because the holidays are
• 2:45
  coming. And we know, this is where all
• 2:48
  the chaos ensues, and a lots of families.
• 2:50
  I have a client who Jen? I mean, I 100% genuinely leaves
• 2:56
  before at the end of November, end of October and does not come
• 2:59
  back until the end, Of January, so that she does not have to
• 3:03
  deal with all of her family. She just takes off, and she goes
• 3:08
  to somewhere in Southeast, Asia, and tours.
• 3:11
  It has fun and takes cooking classes, and it's so that she
• 3:14
  doesn't have to deal with her family.
• 3:17
  And it's so some people get really like, oh my gosh, that's
• 3:22
  terrible. That she has to do that.
• 3:23
  No, she's taking care of herself.
• 3:25
  She's made the decision that this is what's right for her and
• 3:28
  I love her boldness of it, because it's a Time.
• 3:30
  And she is slower at work so she can just do these things and she
• 3:34
  does because it sets her up in her own head and she's putting
• 3:38
  up the boundaries for herself, not for other people.
• 3:43
  So she says listen. I don't want to go there.
• 3:45
  I don't want to have to listen to the conversations.
• 3:47
  I don't want to have to have, you know, these these intermixed
• 3:51
  groups of people that I know don't get along that pretend and
• 3:55
  it feels weird and I'm not going to go and put my rules on
• 3:58
  people. After all that, we've worked on,
• 4:00
  she says. Says, I'm not going to put my
• 4:01
  rules on people, I'm just going to take myself out of the game
• 4:04
  and that is how she's setting her boundaries.
• 4:07
  So the funny part for me is I like to say I have to I have to
• 4:14
  choose for myself. What I'm going to allow to put
• 4:19
  up with inside myself, that's my boundaries.
• 4:22
  It's like am I allowing myself to get so chaotic about this am
• 4:27
  I allowing myself to take on this energy, a mile Telling
• 4:30
  myself to have to be offended by things.
• 4:34
  Because here's what's interesting when you really
• 4:36
  start to get deep into self development, work, you recognize
• 4:39
  more and more and more that nobody can make you think or
• 4:42
  feel anything that you do not allow onto your bus and this is
• 4:47
  where boundaries come in. I can't I cannot be forced to
• 4:52
  think something. It's a it's of my own making so
• 4:56
  my boundaries for myself are that I set myself.
• 5:00
  Self up where beforehand. I just say to myself, why I
• 5:03
  choose not to be offended by any of the shenanigans that go on.
• 5:07
  I choose to just be neutral. I choose to be open, and loving
• 5:12
  in any situation, or I choose to take myself out of the
• 5:15
  situation. And I don't participate because
• 5:18
  I know I don't have the fortitude to go through with it
• 5:23
  and I know my limitations and their limitations that I
• 5:27
  consistently work on but it doesn't mean that I don't know
• 5:29
  them. I still Oh them.
• 5:31
  So what's so important is to recognize you have ultimate
• 5:34
  control over the boundaries but the boundaries for you you can
• 5:38
  never control how other people act or feel.
• 5:41
  You can never control what they're going to say.
• 5:43
  You can never control how they're going to show up.
• 5:46
  All you can do is control you and ultimately the best part of
• 5:50
  this is once you really get a handle on this, you recognize
• 5:55
  that the beautiful part of this, the most beautiful part of all
• 5:58
  of this, is that you Don't have to have any drama because you
• 6:02
  can you don't have to tap into the drama and the boundaries
• 6:05
  that you've set for yourself, are literally just for yourself,
• 6:09
  nobody else. So I'm going to ask you guys to
• 6:11
  think about that. Well before the holidays, and
• 6:14
  start working on it and set yourself up to win.
• 6:17
  Make the choices for yourself before you go in and stick to
• 6:21
  them. I hope you guys have a blessed
• 6:24
  day and I will see you tomorrow. Bye.