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Why Consequences Don't Work for ADHD Kids (And What to Do Instead) · Raising ADHD: Real Talk For Parents & Educators

• 0:00
  Apryl: Before we jump into today's episode, I am so excited to finally announce that the doors are officially open to Behavior Breakthrough Week.
• 0:09
  Apryl: This is not a training where you'll sit and take notes and go back to your regular life unchanged.
• 0:15
  Apryl: No, no, no, no.
• 0:16
  Apryl: This is a full week where you and I are together.
• 0:19
  Apryl: You are going to pick the one behavior that is driving you absolutely crazy right now.
• 0:25
  Apryl: Maybe it's the impulse control, maybe it's the meltdowns, maybe it's the defiance, never listening, whatever it is for your kid, we are going to build a real plan together that is personalized for you, your kid, and your home.
• 0:41
  Apryl: By the end of kickoff night, which is June 7th, you are going to have a plan you can start using Monday morning.
• 0:50
  Apryl: During the week, we'll also build your win-win board.
• 0:53
  Apryl: You'll get live coaching from me, and you'll hear directly from Dr.
• 0:57
  Apryl: Bradford.
• 0:58
  Apryl: We'll have a private community of other parents who are in the trenches raising ADHD kiddos right alongside with you.
• 1:07
  Apryl: And they actually get it.
• 1:09
  Apryl: Doors are open right now at raisingadh.org forward slash breakthrough.
• 1:15
  Apryl: I'll drop the link in the show notes.
• 1:17
  Apryl: Okay, let's get into it.
• 1:19
  Apryl: Raise your hand if you've ever heard you just need to discipline your child more.
• 1:25
  Apryl: Or maybe you've thought to yourself, oh my gosh, could they just not try harder?
• 1:33
  Apryl: Why don't they try harder?
• 1:35
  Apryl: This isn't that hard.
• 1:37
  Apryl: If the any of this sounds familiar to you, today's episode is for you.
• 1:45
  Apryl: Welcome to Raising ADHD, the podcast for parents and teachers raising ADHD kids.
• 1:50
  Apryl: If you've ever felt frustrated, overwhelmed, or just unsure what to do next, you're not alone.
• 1:56
  Apryl: I'm April Bradford, a former teacher and ADHD mom, and alongside my husband, Dr.
• 2:02
  Apryl: Brian Bradford, a child and adolescent psychiatrist, we're here to give you the clarity, strategies, and support you've been looking for.
• 2:10
  Apryl: Every week we break down the misconceptions, answer your biggest questions, and share real tools you can use right away at home and in the classroom.
• 2:19
  Apryl: So if you're ready to feel more confident and less overwhelmed, you're in the right place.
• 2:24
  Apryl: This episode is one that I wish someone had handed me years ago.
• 2:28
  Apryl: We're talking about discipline and specifically why the stuff we were all taught to do doesn't work for kids with ADHD.
• 2:38
  Apryl: And we're definitely going to talk about what actually does.
• 2:44
  Apryl: Now, before you think, oh, I already know this one, stick with me because we're going deeper than tips and tricks today.
• 2:51
  Apryl: We're going into the brain.
• 2:53
  Apryl: People say this all the time.
• 2:55
  Apryl: Oh, the ADHD brain is different, or they just struggle with these things.
• 3:00
  Apryl: No, we're going to be talking about the real science from the National Institute of Health, Harvard Medical School, Johns Hopkins, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and we're going to make sense of it.
• 3:12
  Apryl: I truly believe when we understand what's happening with our kiddos' brains, it helps us become better parents because it helps us to have empathy and it helps us to realize oh, there is something underlying.
• 3:28
  Apryl: And in those hard moments when we just want to snap and yell because it is a very difficult moment, our brain can go, wait a second, this is a real struggle for them.
• 3:42
  Apryl: So, as you know, this is no textbooks, no jargon.
• 3:46
  Apryl: It's just me and you.
• 3:47
  Apryl: We are going to break this down, make it simple, and make it actually doable in your home, in a real ADHD home.
• 3:57
  Apryl: So we're going to go over three things today.
• 3:59
  Apryl: We're going to go over this the brain science of what's actually happening in their brain and why consequences don't work for our ADHD kiddos.
• 4:07
  Apryl: Then we're going to talk about the six strategies that are actually backed by science.
• 4:12
  Apryl: And these are things not just backed by science.
• 4:16
  Apryl: I have used them in our home with my ADHD kiddo.
• 4:20
  Apryl: I have used them in the classroom and seen a huge difference.
• 4:25
  Apryl: This, what we're talking about, is true child psychology and how not just ADHD brains work, but also how children work.
• 4:34
  Apryl: And then we're going to talk about if there's nothing else, the one takeaway you can do today.
• 4:39
  Apryl: All right, you ready?
• 4:40
  Apryl: Let's dive into the brain science.
• 4:44
  Apryl: I promise to keep this simple and easy.
• 4:47
  Apryl: Let's talk first about the prefrontal cortex.
• 4:50
  Apryl: Now, if you've been in the ADHD world any amount of time, you've probably heard about the prefrontal cortex.
• 4:58
  Apryl: It's the CEO of the brain, and in the ADHD brain, it's the CEO that's running late.
• 5:06
  Apryl: Every brain has a the front section called the prefrontal cortex.
• 5:11
  Apryl: I like to call it the CEO.
• 5:13
  Apryl: Its job is to say, hey, slow down.
• 5:17
  Apryl: Think about this.
• 5:18
  Apryl: What are the consequences?
• 5:20
  Apryl: What's the right move here?
• 5:22
  Apryl: It's that pause before action.
• 5:25
  Apryl: In a neurotypical brain, the CEO is pretty reliable at work by middle childhood.
• 5:32
  Apryl: In an ADHD brain, though, research from Johns Hopkins and Kennedy Krieger Institute using neuroimaging.
• 5:41
  Apryl: I want to say that again.
• 5:43
  Apryl: Using neuroimaging.
• 5:45
  Apryl: So many people think mental health, some people just have a hard time wrapping their mind around it because it's not visible, right?
• 5:55
  Apryl: Someone breaks their leg and a bone is sticking out of their leg, they're like, oh my gosh, you need a cast.
• 6:01
  Apryl: Like, you need help.
• 6:02
  Apryl: I'm not going to make you walk around on that leg.
• 6:05
  Apryl: We're going to get you help and support and systems, right?
• 6:08
  Apryl: But for some reason, because the brain is invisible, all of a sudden we think that it's a made-up thing.
• 6:16
  Apryl: No, this is if we could all go around with neuroimaging, we could see this.
• 6:22
  Apryl: What they found was that the prefrontal cortex and the related structures, including the caudate nucleus, which is the critical role of the caudate nucleus, is learning, memory, reward-based behavior, and the regulation of both voluntary movement and cognitive processing.
• 6:43
  Apryl: That's what happens in this portion of the brain.
• 6:47
  Apryl: What the neuroimaging shows is that these parts of the brain are structurally smaller and developmentally delayed by up to three years in kids with ADHD.
• 7:00
  Apryl: Three years.
• 7:02
  Apryl: So if you have a 10-year-old with ADHD and you're expecting them to have the impulse control of a 10-year-old, you're actually working with a brain that's functioning more like a seven-year-old in those areas.
• 7:14
  Apryl: It's not an excuse for their behavior, it's brain development, right?
• 7:20
  Apryl: But it changes what we should expect and what strategies when it comes to disciplining our kids and getting them to do what we want them to do and to listen.
• 7:32
  Apryl: It really affects those strategies and how they'll actually work with our kiddos.
• 7:38
  Apryl: Another thing that happens in the brain is the dopamine problem.
• 7:44
  Apryl: The brain runs on this chemical called dopamine.
• 7:47
  Apryl: Dopamine is what makes things feel rewarding.
• 7:50
  Apryl: It's what creates the ooh, I want to do that again signal.
• 7:54
  Apryl: Okay.
• 7:54
  Apryl: Research published by the National Institutes of Health found that kids with ADHD have measurably reduced dopamine receptor availability, particularly in the Caudate nucleus and mid-brain.
• 8:10
  Apryl: Less dopamine means the brain has a harder time generating the that felt good, let's repeat it, or that felt bad, let's avoid it.
• 8:20
  Apryl: Signal.
• 8:21
  Apryl: What this means for us as parents is it means that consequences, and these can be good consequences, so rewards, or bad consequences, punishments, right?
• 8:31
  Apryl: They don't register with the same intensity for an ADHD brain as they do in a neurotypical brain.
• 8:38
  Apryl: You can give the same consequence 10 times, and the brain literally may not be forming the connection that you were hoping for.
• 8:47
  Apryl: The third thing that causes issues with consequences in the ADHD brain is what researcher and ADHD expert Dr.
• 8:58
  Apryl: Russell Barkley calls time blindness.
• 9:01
  Apryl: ADHD brains are heavily present focused.
• 9:06
  Apryl: The now is where they're at, where their brains are at.
• 9:09
  Apryl: It is very vivid for them.
• 9:11
  Apryl: And the future is basically invisible to them.
• 9:15
  Apryl: A study published in the neuropsychopharmacology confirmed that children with persistent ADHD show measurably impaired processing of future rewards and consequences in the prefrontal cortex.
• 9:31
  Apryl: Their brain doesn't generate that emotional weight around something that hasn't happened already yet.
• 9:38
  Apryl: When we say if you do that again, you're losing your iPad tonight.
• 9:42
  Apryl: Think about what I just said.
• 9:44
  Apryl: The future is pretty much non-existent to them.
• 9:47
  Apryl: So what's happening in their brain when we tell them that?
• 9:51
  Apryl: For a neurotypical kid, they're like, oh, I better not do this because I want to be able to play the iPad tonight, right?
• 9:59
  Apryl: To our ADHD kiddos brain, tonight might as well be a whole different universe.
• 10:05
  Apryl: The brain moves on in seconds.
• 10:09
  Apryl: This is why wait until your father gets home.
• 10:13
  Apryl: Discipline was never going to work for these kids.
• 10:16
  Apryl: This is also why, in my episode, one of my episodes on school behavior, I talk about the notes that come home and why these are not good for our kids and the punishment when they get home.
• 10:32
  Apryl: It does not connect with these kiddos the same way that it would our neurotypical kiddos.
• 10:37
  Apryl: This future pacing of consequences or rewards is not motivating to them.
• 10:44
  Apryl: And this is why.
• 10:45
  Apryl: It's the time blindness.
• 10:47
  Apryl: It's not even there.
• 10:48
  Apryl: Finally, our last little bit of brain science here.
• 10:52
  Apryl: There was a research study published in Close One, which is the Public Library of Science.
• 10:59
  Apryl: It's a peer-reviewed journal.
• 11:02
  Apryl: In this study, it was a brain relief study where researchers actually watch kids' brains, their brain responses in real time.
• 11:10
  Apryl: So, again, going back to that broken leg versus the invisible brain, because we, as normal humans without tools, can't see this.
• 11:17
  Apryl: This is what they found.
• 11:18
  Apryl: Okay, so listen up because even though we can't see it day to day in our homes, scientists have researched this.
• 11:26
  Apryl: They can see it.
• 11:27
  Apryl: They've seen it.
• 11:28
  Apryl: Here's what they found.
• 11:29
  Apryl: They found that when neurotypical kids receive punishment feedback, the brain processes it fast and automatically.
• 11:36
  Apryl: It's almost like a reflex for these kiddos.
• 11:40
  Apryl: But with our kids with ADHD, the processing is delayed and muted.
• 11:48
  Apryl: The that was wrong signal doesn't register the same way.
• 11:53
  Apryl: So in our neurotypical kids, it's almost like a reflex for them.
• 11:57
  Apryl: Like, whoa, I I can't, I shouldn't do that again.
• 12:00
  Apryl: Like that was wrong, right?
• 12:02
  Apryl: In our ADHD kids, it's delayed and muted.
• 12:08
  Apryl: So we're not dealing with defiant kids here.
• 12:12
  Apryl: We're not dealing with kids who are choosing to ignore consequences.
• 12:16
  Apryl: And I know because again, I am living in the trenches with you.
• 12:22
  Apryl: Some days it feels like it, right?
• 12:24
  Apryl: It's like, oh my gosh, you are just trying to push every button and you are trying to be naughty.
• 12:30
  Apryl: But again, take a breath because when we look at the brain, we can see this.
• 12:38
  Apryl: The brain studies have shown this, that their response is not the same.
• 12:45
  Apryl: We're dealing with the brain that genuinely is not receiving the signal the way that we think it is.
• 12:52
  Apryl: And here's something that's super, super important here.
• 12:58
  Apryl: Research from the National Institute of Health found that harsh or punitive discipline actually increases ADHD symptoms.
• 13:09
  Apryl: Let me repeat that again.
• 13:11
  Apryl: Harsh or punitive discipline actually increases ADHD symptoms rather than reducing them.
• 13:19
  Apryl: This is because punishment activates the brain's stress and threat response, you know, like the fight or flight, right?
• 13:26
  Apryl: The nervous system goes into that fight or flight mode.
• 13:29
  Apryl: And we know that our ADHD kiddos brains are already dysregulated.
• 13:34
  Apryl: So a brain that's already dysregulated does not learn from stress, it just escalates it.
• 13:41
  Apryl: So we are actually making it worse when we go harder with traditional discipline.
• 13:47
  Apryl: Okay.
• 13:48
  Apryl: Now that we understand the why, let's talk about what actually works.
• 13:54
  Apryl: I think it's very important.
• 13:55
  Apryl: Like I said at the beginning of this episode, I think it's super important for us to understand the why so that in that moment of our own self trying to keep it under control when we just want to explode because our kid is driving us crazy.
• 14:12
  Apryl: We can maybe have that little voice in the back of our head going, No, their brain truly does not work the same way.
• 14:20
  Apryl: The reason, how come I am so passionate about teaching this is because for me, this has been a super helpful parenting hack for me is to understand what's going on.
• 14:32
  Apryl: Because in those moments, it's truly helped me to stay calm when I'm like, no, she is not trying to be defiant, she is not trying to drive me off the wall.
• 14:48
  Apryl: Like, this is her brain.
• 14:50
  Apryl: And my favorite phrase, they're not giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time.
• 14:55
  Apryl: Their brain is having a hard time in this moment.
• 14:58
  Apryl: Okay.
• 14:59
  Apryl: So let's dive into what actually works because that's really what we want to know is how can we help these kids then?
• 15:06
  Apryl: Strategy number one is immediate rewards, and timing is everything.
• 15:12
  Apryl: If this is one of the simplest things that you can start implementing, and it is the single most important shift you can make, and it is make the rewards happen now.
• 15:25
  Apryl: Just like we were talking about with the brain science, the future is pretty much insignificant for these kids.
• 15:33
  Apryl: So tonight, this weekend, it's not beneficial for them.
• 15:39
  Apryl: Their brain does not capture onto that.
• 15:42
  Apryl: Okay.
• 15:43
  Apryl: I do believe that we can help build this, but in Behavior Breakthrough Week and in the Racing ADHD Calm Club, we go deep into this of how we can build time blindness, how we can give immediate rewards, but then also build that to have extended rewards because we need our kids to learn these skills, right?
• 16:07
  Apryl: And have their brain learn these skills.
• 16:09
  Apryl: But we have to start where their brains are at now.
• 16:12
  Apryl: And this is where their brains are at now.
• 16:14
  Apryl: They need a reward to happen now.
• 16:16
  Apryl: Rewards only connect to behavior when they're delivered immediately.
• 16:20
  Apryl: So a sticker on the chart the moment they sit down.
• 16:23
  Apryl: Verbal praise is one that these kiddos actually thrive on because, as we've talked about before, they hear so many negative comments and reprimands and redirections every single day that a positive one actually motivates these kids.
• 16:40
  Apryl: Actually, is super helpful.
• 16:42
  Apryl: A quick fist bump right after they followed an instruction.
• 16:46
  Apryl: The American Academy of Pediatrics and the National Institute of Health funded a multimodal treatment study.
• 16:54
  Apryl: This was the largest ADHD treatment trial ever done, and they both confirmed this immediacy is the variable.
• 17:02
  Apryl: So move the reward closer to the behavior, and the strategy starts working.
• 17:08
  Apryl: Variety also matters.
• 17:10
  Apryl: We know that our ADHD kiddos' brains, they habituate quickly.
• 17:15
  Apryl: So that means like they get bored quickly of the same reward fast.
• 17:19
  Apryl: We want to keep rotating these things.
• 17:22
  Apryl: And these rewards do not have to be big, huge go out, buy things, rewards.
• 17:29
  Apryl: These can be hey, you get to choose what's for dinner tonight.
• 17:35
  Apryl: We'll go deeper into that into strategy number four rewards and what rewards look like and how to set up a reward system.
• 17:42
  Apryl: But know that immediate feedback, immediate rewards.
• 17:48
  Apryl: And one thing that I found, speaking of rewards and punishments, consequences, right?
• 17:53
  Apryl: When we do things, we want to make sure that we are giving very clear instructions as well.
• 18:01
  Apryl: This goes into strategy number two is one step at a time, because we want to work with their working memory.
• 18:10
  Apryl: Something that I do constantly, and I do it to my husband, my poor husband.
• 18:17
  Apryl: He has ADHD.
• 18:18
  Apryl: I know he has ADHD, and for some reason, I think you're an adult, so I can just give you a list of 10 things and you're going to go do it.
• 18:29
  Apryl: And he's told me, he's actually said this on the podcast before, that his dad, when they were little, he would go out to work with his dad because his dad owned a construction company, and he would walk the job site in the morning and be like, okay, this needs to be done, this needs to be done, this needs to be done, this needs to be done.
• 18:45
  Apryl: And for an ADHD brain, for any brain, that's a lot, but for an ADHD brain, that is just setting up for failure.
• 18:54
  Apryl: So I am very guilty of this.
• 18:57
  Apryl: What we want to avoid is giving multi-step instructions.
• 19:02
  Apryl: So, like I was saying, giving all the steps, right?
• 19:06
  Apryl: Go upstairs, clean your room, put your laundry in the hamper, and come down when you're done.
• 19:09
  Apryl: Even at night, I'll notice I will tell my daughter, okay, go get your pajamas on, get your teeth brushed, get your book to read, and go upstairs and start reading, right?
• 19:20
  Apryl: Like that's multi-steps.
• 19:22
  Apryl: No, no, no, no, no, friend.
• 19:24
  Apryl: We want to slow that down.
• 19:27
  Apryl: We know that the ADHD brain has working memory challenges.
• 19:31
  Apryl: The sentence evaporated after go brush your teeth.
• 19:37
  Apryl: That was it.
• 19:39
  Apryl: Okay?
• 19:40
  Apryl: So we have to make sure that we are giving instructions in a way that they can hold them.
• 19:47
  Apryl: These kids cannot hold a list of instructions in their head the way a neurotypical child can.
• 19:54
  Apryl: The simple fix is one step at a time.
• 19:58
  Apryl: Another thing to do is make eye contact first, give one direction and then wait for it to be done, and then give the next one.
• 20:08
  Apryl: It feels slower, it is slower, but it actually works.
• 20:12
  Apryl: So if you want to say the same thing over and over and over and over again, and your kid not listen, or do you want to give them one task, they go do it, say another thing, they go do it.
• 20:29
  Apryl: It so it feels slower because you're having to give each step slower.
• 20:33
  Apryl: But let's be honest, when you're like, go brush your teeth, get your pajamas on, get your reading book, go read, and I say that 20 times, that's actually slow, even though I'm saying those four things fast.
• 20:43
  Apryl: So there is a turn uh trade-off here, right?
• 20:47
  Apryl: Another thing with this is be very clear about what you want to see.
• 20:55
  Apryl: We don't say go get ready for bed.
• 20:58
  Apryl: That is one technically one instruction, right?
• 21:03
  Apryl: Go get ready for bed.
• 21:05
  Apryl: But what is their brain having to process when you say go get ready for bed?
• 21:10
  Apryl: That is a lot that we're asking the brain.
• 21:13
  Apryl: So we want to give very specific, not just one instruction, but a specific instruction.
• 21:20
  Apryl: I like to say you have to be able to see or hear the action.
• 21:25
  Apryl: Okay.
• 21:26
  Apryl: So one instruction and going back to strategy number one, making the reward immediate, when they come back, so we'll go to the brushing teeth.
• 21:36
  Apryl: When they come back from brushing their teeth, give positive feedback.
• 21:42
  Apryl: Oh my gosh, thank you so much for going and brushing your teeth.
• 21:46
  Apryl: You did that right away.
• 21:47
  Apryl: I really appreciate it.
• 21:49
  Apryl: The more we can reward these kiddos, the better.
• 21:53
  Apryl: If on the reverse side, we need to correct behavior.
• 22:00
  Apryl: So for example, my daughter will sit at the kitchen table and it has a crossbar at the bottom, and she will sit and kick that and it drives me crazy.
• 22:12
  Apryl: I want to be like, stop that! Stop it right now, right?
• 22:16
  Apryl: But if we can turn it to the positive, they actually listen better.
• 22:21
  Apryl: So if I can tell her what I want her to do instead of like stop doing that, the negative and put it in the positive, please put your feet on the floor.
• 22:29
  Apryl: Please keep your feet still.
• 22:32
  Apryl: See the difference there?
• 22:33
  Apryl: Their brain actually responds to that better.
• 22:36
  Apryl: Okay.
• 22:37
  Apryl: So specific one-step instructions that their memory can work with and also give that immediate feedback.
• 22:45
  Apryl: Can you see how we can easily do these things in tandem?
• 22:50
  Apryl: All right, let's go on to number three predictable routine and visual schedules.
• 22:57
  Apryl: We are going to put the memory on the wall for them.
• 23:02
  Apryl: Now, I have a love hate for this, I will say that.
• 23:08
  Apryl: To get started.
• 23:10
  Apryl: Because here's the problem that I see.
• 23:13
  Apryl: People create these visual routines.
• 23:15
  Apryl: They get on Etsy, buy the cute printables, or they get on, I mean, Amazon has all these cool ones too, and they look awesome.
• 23:23
  Apryl: And you're like, okay, this is going to save our day.
• 23:26
  Apryl: This is going to be so good.
• 23:28
  Apryl: I have the whole system.
• 23:29
  Apryl: It's going to work.
• 23:30
  Apryl: And then they get it.
• 23:33
  Apryl: And they're missing a key part of this.
• 23:37
  Apryl: They're forgetting the part where they have to scaffold this tool.
• 23:43
  Apryl: Predictable routines and visual schedules are tools that we have to, as parents, coach and scaffold into being used.
• 23:55
  Apryl: This is why checklists don't work.
• 23:57
  Apryl: If you've tried the checklist and you're like, for crying out loud, every research thing says that this works for these kids, but for my kid it doesn't work.
• 24:06
  Apryl: This is probably why.
• 24:07
  Apryl: Because we have to coach this into working.
• 24:11
  Apryl: Okay.
• 24:12
  Apryl: So with that said, when we have predictable routines, and then we take those routines and we create visual schedules to help with the working memory.
• 24:24
  Apryl: This acts as external discipline for the ADHD brain.
• 24:28
  Apryl: When a child knows exactly what's coming next, there's nothing to negotiate.
• 24:33
  Apryl: In my morning routine episode, I talk about how structured our morning routine is.
• 24:42
  Apryl: And when I say structured, I am not a minute-to-minute planner.
• 24:46
  Apryl: I'm like, here's the routine.
• 24:48
  Apryl: We follow the exact same routine every single morning.
• 24:52
  Apryl: We do this step, then this step, then this step.
• 24:54
  Apryl: Yes, it may happen at, you know, like five, 10 minutes different times depending on the day, but it's a predictable routine.
• 25:02
  Apryl: My daughter does not have to think about what she has to do because we've been doing this for years now.
• 25:09
  Apryl: Okay.
• 25:10
  Apryl: So research confirms that predictable routines reduce behavioral problems and anxiety in children with ADHD.
• 25:19
  Apryl: Don't rely on your child to remember the routine.
• 25:23
  Apryl: Put it on the wall.
• 25:25
  Apryl: Okay.
• 25:26
  Apryl: So again, if we're going to put it on the wall, we have to coach into existence them using it.
• 25:35
  Apryl: We have to be the ones who's like, hey, go look at your checklist.
• 25:40
  Apryl: You buy the checklist off Amazon.
• 25:42
  Apryl: We are going to be the reminder of using the checklist until they can do it themselves.
• 25:48
  Apryl: You're not just organizing their day.
• 25:50
  Apryl: You are replacing that broken internal system with an external one that actually works.
• 25:56
  Apryl: And I see a lot in Facebook groups parents saying, Oh my gosh, when can I be exhausted and I'm burned out?
• 26:02
  Apryl: When can I be quit being their executive function?
• 26:06
  Apryl: Well, I'm going to flip that and ask you the question: are you training them and teaching them and building skills and building systems in your home so that you don't have to be their executive function system?
• 26:18
  Apryl: If you're not doing that, you're going to have a lot longer runway of being their executive function for them.
• 26:25
  Apryl: That actually leads me into a quick question for you.
• 26:28
  Apryl: Have you ever said, I've literally tried everything?
• 26:31
  Apryl: Because, like I was saying, I hear this all the time.
• 26:33
  Apryl: I've done the sticker charts, I've taken things away, I've tried rewards, I've tried to be tried consequences, I've tried to be stricter, I've tried to be gentler, and nothing works for my kid.
• 26:43
  Apryl: Guess what?
• 26:44
  Apryl: You're not alone.
• 26:45
  Apryl: And like I was saying, we have to be our kiddo's executive function coach until they can build those skills.
• 26:54
  Apryl: And that's exactly what we're doing in Behavior Breakthrough Week.
• 26:58
  Apryl: During this week, we're going to take one behavior, we're breaking it apart, we're taking it exactly as it is in your home, your kid, you.
• 27:08
  Apryl: We're taking it and we're taking it apart so we can finally see what's driving your kid's behavior, what's accidentally making it worse in your home, and what exactly can you put into place so that you are no longer functioning as their executive function system, and they're going to start building these executive function skills.
• 27:27
  Apryl: Plus, like we were talking about rewards, right?
• 27:30
  Apryl: We are going to build a win-win board live together during the week.
• 27:34
  Apryl: When parents finally have a plan, everything starts to feel lighter.
• 27:38
  Apryl: Doors are officially open to behavior breakthrough week, and I cannot wait to see you there.
• 27:43
  Apryl: It is going to be a super fun week.
• 27:46
  Apryl: Parents, just like you, in the transition, just like you, Facebook group.
• 27:51
  Apryl: We can share examples, ideas, strategize together.
• 27:56
  Apryl: There'll be prizes.
• 27:57
  Apryl: It's going to be fun.
• 27:58
  Apryl: So come join us at raisingadh.org slash breakthrough.
• 28:03
  Apryl: I can't wait to see you there.
• 28:05
  Apryl: Kickoff starts June 7th at 7 p.m.
• 28:09
  Apryl: So don't wait because doors are closing soon.
• 28:12
  Apryl: They're only open for a short amount of time.
• 28:15
  Apryl: Let's dive into strategy number four, which is a token economy.
• 28:18
  Apryl: And what is very interesting is that this is one of the most robustly tested interventions in all of ADHD research.
• 28:27
  Apryl: People, hear that again.
• 28:29
  Apryl: One of the most robustly tested interventions in all of ADHD research.
• 28:34
  Apryl: Every single research place that I looked at, the National Institute of Mental Health, the American Academy of Pediatrics, Harvard Medical School, the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, like so many places, are this is what works.
• 28:49
  Apryl: Part of this system that I use in our home is the Cazden method.
• 28:54
  Apryl: He Kazden, and I've talked about him on the podcast before, they have a 92% success rate with this type of system.
• 29:05
  Apryl: It's based at Yale at the child center, and they work with ADHD kids, oppositional defiance kids.
• 29:13
  Apryl: 92% success rate.
• 29:15
  Apryl: The 8% who did not have success, there was a lot of trauma at home.
• 29:19
  Apryl: This is something that I have trained in.
• 29:22
  Apryl: So I'm deeply aware of token economy systems.
• 29:26
  Apryl: And it's amazing to take what I know now and what I've learned with ADHD, what I've implemented in my own home, and looking back at my own classroom and seeing, going, oh my gosh, yes, it works so well.
• 29:41
  Apryl: So let's dive into how it actually works.
• 29:46
  Apryl: You are going to identify three to five specific target behaviors.
• 29:51
  Apryl: Now, I actually like to start this on the lower end and start with one or two because you know that New Year's resolution of like losing 50 pounds or 10 pounds or whatever it is, or running a marathon, and you're like, I'm going to eat clean.
• 30:08
  Apryl: I'm going to run five miles a day.
• 30:10
  Apryl: I'm going to get eight hours of sleep.
• 30:12
  Apryl: My house is going to be clean every day.
• 30:14
  Apryl: And then all of a sudden, like, none of that's happening.
• 30:16
  Apryl: Yes, the same thing can happen here too.
• 30:18
  Apryl: So we want to go lightly.
• 30:20
  Apryl: So the research does say three to five, but I would say one to two to get us started.
• 30:26
  Apryl: Baby steps, right?
• 30:28
  Apryl: What about Bob?
• 30:29
  Apryl: If you haven't seen it, go watch it.
• 30:30
  Apryl: Baby steps.
• 30:31
  Apryl: The psychiatrist writes a book called Baby Steps.
• 30:33
  Apryl: That's what we want to do here.
• 30:35
  Apryl: The child earns tokens, whether that's stickers, points, poker chips, whatever works for your family, whatever easy for you, they earn those immediately when those behaviors happen.
• 30:45
  Apryl: Remember back to strategy number one, immediate, right?
• 30:48
  Apryl: And then they can trade them for rewards from a menu.
• 31:16
  Apryl: If you could fix those four things, Kohle smokes.
• 31:21
  Apryl: Like what would your house look like?
• 31:22
  Apryl: Huge difference, right?
• 31:24
  Apryl: Here are the three things that make or break a token system.
• 31:27
  Apryl: So we want to keep the target small and winnable.
• 31:31
  Apryl: The child has to have a success often.
• 31:33
  Apryl: Going back to the time blindness, if it's like, hey, when you earn 100 stickers and they're only earning one a day, that's not gonna motivate them.
• 31:43
  Apryl: Like that's so far out, it's not gonna be helpful for them, right?
• 31:47
  Apryl: So they need to be small and winnable.
• 31:50
  Apryl: We're gonna do this with the win-win board in Behavior Breakthrough week.
• 31:54
  Apryl: I'm gonna show you how to do this.
• 31:55
  Apryl: We're gonna re-rotate the reward menu so they don't get bored.
• 32:00
  Apryl: And here is a key one.
• 32:04
  Apryl: Never take away more tokens than the child can realistically earn back.
• 32:09
  Apryl: You want them to stay in the game and not give up.
• 32:12
  Apryl: Okay?
• 32:13
  Apryl: Never take away more tokens than they can realistically earn back.
• 32:18
  Apryl: This, that being said, the more that you can reward, especially front-ending of the rewards, the more positive behavior you're going to see.
• 32:29
  Apryl: When I was in the classroom, well, before I was in the classroom, in my undergrad, we have child psychology classes, right?
• 32:36
  Apryl: And we learn about people like Freud and Pavlov and Maslow and all of the um old psychologists, right?
• 32:45
  Apryl: Who built our psychology system and did all the research.
• 32:49
  Apryl: Pavlov, if you know Pavlov, Pavlov and his dog, Pavlov taught the dog so that he rang the bell, dog would get a treat so that once he started ringing the bell, the dog would salivate because he knew he was gonna get a treat.
• 33:01
  Apryl: And then he got to the point where he didn't even have to give the treat, he would just ring the bell bell, the dog would salvate, right?
• 33:07
  Apryl: In my classroom, we actually had an economy and I had Bradford bugs.
• 33:11
  Apryl: And it's so interesting.
• 33:13
  Apryl: Like I said, looking back, doing all of this research, implementing all of this, and looking back to what I did in the classroom, it's so interesting to see that I know so many times when I would this is how I would get kids to behave is I would ask them to do something, or you know, I'm just they're working or whatever.
• 33:39
  Apryl: And if I said out loud, oh, thank you, Kaylee, for getting your book out and starting reading, and gave her a Bradford buck, do you know what would happen to all the kids around her?
• 33:51
  Apryl: They would get their book out and start reading.
• 33:54
  Apryl: And as I would go through and start handing out Bradford bucks, guess what they did?
• 33:58
  Apryl: They all did that.
• 34:00
  Apryl: The whole class watched.
• 34:02
  Apryl: But on the other hand, if I would have said, Kaylee, stop doing that and get your book out, do you know what the other kids do?
• 34:09
  Apryl: Nothing.
• 34:10
  Apryl: It didn't affect them.
• 34:12
  Apryl: We as humans, not just ADHD brains, yes, there's the fight or flight and the survival, but when you're at work, do you prefer to work to not get fired, or do you prefer to work and do extra to get a bonus?
• 34:28
  Apryl: I prefer the bonus, right?
• 34:31
  Apryl: Rewards work for these kids, and with our kiddos with ADHD, rewards are key for them.
• 34:39
  Apryl: And finally, strategy number five is catch them being good.
• 34:43
  Apryl: This one again it's so deceptively simple.
• 34:50
  Apryl: And I talked about it with strategy three.
• 34:53
  Apryl: Positive feedback, the ratio of positive feedback to corrective feedback is enormous.
• 35:01
  Apryl: Of how much this matters to our kiddos because of how much they hear the negative, they hear far more corrective feedback than positive.
• 35:13
  Apryl: And as parents and as teachers, that's understandable because we notice problems.
• 35:18
  Apryl: That's that's how our brains work.
• 35:20
  Apryl: That's how brains work.
• 35:21
  Apryl: We notice problems.
• 35:22
  Apryl: It's survival mode, right?
• 35:24
  Apryl: But with our ADHD kiddos, this ratio needs to flip dramatically.
• 35:30
  Apryl: We want, as I was saying, with my daughter with her feet, we want labeled specific phrase that's immediate and genuine.
• 35:38
  Apryl: It's one of the most powerful tools we have.
• 35:42
  Apryl: And this is what I was saying about like, oh, thank you so much for going to get your pajamas on.
• 35:46
  Apryl: You did it so quick.
• 35:47
  Apryl: Way to go.
• 35:48
  Apryl: I'm so proud of you, right?
• 35:49
  Apryl: It's not a good job.
• 35:52
  Apryl: It's something like, I noticed you sat down right away when I asked.
• 35:55
  Apryl: That was awesome.
• 35:56
  Apryl: Or you kept your hands to yourself the whole activity.
• 35:59
  Apryl: I saw that.
• 36:00
  Apryl: Fist bump, elbow bump, high five, right?
• 36:03
  Apryl: You're not just reinforcing the behavior, you're building the child's self-perception as someone who can do the right thing.
• 36:10
  Apryl: And I'm gonna say that again because this is so important to me.
• 36:15
  Apryl: This is actually why, if you know my origin story of why I started this, it's because my behavior and my reactions to my daughter were starting to become her identity.
• 36:25
  Apryl: She went to bed one night, we were laying in bed, and she said, I hate myself.
• 36:29
  Apryl: And that was my trigger of holy smokes, I have to change something.
• 36:34
  Apryl: This right here, do you want your kid to be raised, I'm the problem child, or do you want them to be the kid who is who thinks I am someone who can do the right thing?
• 36:48
  Apryl: For me, I want the latter.
• 36:51
  Apryl: I want my daughter to be raised to know I know how to, I can do the right thing, I can do what I'm supposed to do, and build that confidence in them.
• 37:01
  Apryl: They are smart, funny, capable kids.
• 37:05
  Apryl: We just have to work with our brain.
• 37:07
  Apryl: Finally, the last one is build the environment before the behavior, antecedent strategies, the A, B, C's.
• 37:14
  Apryl: We always want to look at what comes before B, which is the behavior, and that's the antecedent.
• 37:19
  Apryl: This one is a game changer, and this is the one that when we look at it's it's called in the like counseling world, the psychology world, it's called the antecedent-based intervention.
• 37:36
  Apryl: Fancy term for a very simple idea.
• 37:38
  Apryl: It's change the environment before behavior occurs instead of reacting to it afterwards.
• 37:44
  Apryl: Pretty much we want to be proactive, not reactive.
• 37:47
  Apryl: A 2023 study published in Behavior Modification found that antecedent-based techniques produce faster reductions in problem behavior than any consequence-based technique.
• 38:01
  Apryl: So the faster, meaning preventing the behavior, is more effective than responding to it.
• 38:06
  Apryl: Here's what that would look like in our homes.
• 38:10
  Apryl: Giving a transition warning.
• 38:12
  Apryl: In five minutes, we're switching to homework.
• 38:15
  Apryl: You probably already do this one.
• 38:17
  Apryl: I do this all the time.
• 38:18
  Apryl: Hey, you have five more minutes.
• 38:20
  Apryl: I set timers.
• 38:21
  Apryl: I literally have timers all over my house, whether it's I have a Fitbit that I set timers on.
• 38:27
  Apryl: I have um time timers where you can see the time changing.
• 38:30
  Apryl: I have analog clocks, not just digital clocks, but analog so you can see the time.
• 38:36
  Apryl: I have them all over.
• 38:37
  Apryl: I have Alexa so that I can say these things and give warnings because these warnings help the ADHD brain.
• 38:45
  Apryl: It gives them time to shift gears instead of just coming in blindsided, which leads to meltdowns.
• 38:53
  Apryl: Another thing is remove distractions from the workspace.
• 38:57
  Apryl: So this is something you could do before you're, you know, it's homework time, then we have a homework place set up, but without any distractions.
• 39:06
  Apryl: And it has everything set up for them so that they can be successful.
• 39:10
  Apryl: Before we ask them to sit down to do homework, this is all set up for them because then that how much of the executive function is that taking away from them?
• 39:20
  Apryl: The planning, the preparing, the organizing, we've already done it for them.
• 39:24
  Apryl: And again, this is one of those systems.
• 39:26
  Apryl: If this is a struggle for you in behavior breakthrough week, that's what we tackle.
• 39:30
  Apryl: And we go, okay, what are we going to set up here so that it's the antecedent?
• 39:37
  Apryl: We are taking care of the antecedent, what's happening before the behavior, so the behavior doesn't actually happen, or the negative behaviors don't happen.
• 39:45
  Apryl: This is super, super important.
• 39:48
  Apryl: Our job as a parent is not to wait for the behavior and punishment.
• 39:53
  Apryl: Our job is to design the environment so the behavior is less likely to happen in the first place.
• 39:58
  Apryl: Our job is to be, like I said, the executive function coach.
• 40:03
  Apryl: We're the one on the sideline.
• 40:05
  Apryl: We're building the plays, right?
• 40:07
  Apryl: We're designing the playbook, and then we're cheering them on as they run the plays.
• 40:12
  Apryl: That's what we're doing here.
• 40:14
  Apryl: The best discipline is the discipline that never has to happen.
• 40:19
  Apryl: I want to say that again.
• 40:20
  Apryl: The best discipline is the discipline that never has to happen.
• 40:25
  Apryl: Like I've said before, our morning routines, I don't have to get after my daughter because we've ran the place so many times.
• 40:32
  Apryl: She knows it.
• 40:33
  Apryl: I've coached that place so many times.
• 40:35
  Apryl: We just run it, right?
• 40:37
  Apryl: I don't have to discipline her in the mornings.
• 40:39
  Apryl: I don't have to yell, get your shoes on.
• 40:41
  Apryl: Because we're already, because we've coached that into an automatic process.
• 40:46
  Apryl: That's what we've got to do with these kiddos.
• 40:50
  Apryl: All right.
• 40:50
  Apryl: Finally, let's land this plane because this has been a long one, but hopefully it has been helpful.
• 40:57
  Apryl: Everything we've talked about comes back to one idea.
• 41:01
  Apryl: And I want to read this directly from the research because it's just that good.
• 41:07
  Apryl: The National Institute of Mental Health Multimodal Treatment Study.
• 41:12
  Apryl: This was the largest and most rigorous ADHD treatment trial ever conducted with nearly 600 children.
• 41:21
  Apryl: Concluded that what children with ADHD most is not harsher consequences.
• 41:27
  Apryl: They need more frequent feedback, more immediate rewards, and more environmental support.
• 41:34
  Apryl: That's it, that's the whole game.
• 41:39
  Apryl: More immediate feedback, more immediate rewards, and more environmental support.
• 41:45
  Apryl: ADHD is not a behavior problem.
• 41:47
  Apryl: It's not you are failing as a parent.
• 41:51
  Apryl: And like we talked about in the beginning, it's not a child choosing to be difficult.
• 41:56
  Apryl: It's a brain that's wired differently, and our job is to build the strategies that match the brain instead of fighting it.
• 42:03
  Apryl: Our job is to build the playbook, coach them to run the plays.
• 42:08
  Apryl: So, what do you do tomorrow?
• 42:11
  Apryl: Pick just one thing from today's episode.
• 42:13
  Apryl: Not all six, just one.
• 42:15
  Apryl: Maybe it's giving a five-minute transition warning.
• 42:18
  Apryl: Maybe it's setting up a simple point chart.
• 42:20
  Apryl: Maybe it's just giving immediate positive feedback.
• 42:24
  Apryl: Start there, build on it.
• 42:26
  Apryl: The research is very clear that small, consistent changes in the environment produced real lasting results.
• 42:32
  Apryl: Not just the research, but I my home is living proof.
• 42:37
  Apryl: I have done this, and I want you to have the same success.
• 42:43
  Apryl: Our final public service announcement for today is that Behavior Breakthrough Week is open.
• 42:51
  Apryl: And I'm so ridiculously excited for this because I've finally been able to take everything, put it all together in a system that I can teach to you.
• 43:03
  Apryl: So the day is Sunday, June 7th, 7 p.m.
• 43:09
  Apryl: is kickoff.
• 43:10
  Apryl: Doors are only open for a very limited time before those doors close, and we are kicking off.
• 43:16
  Apryl: What we are doing is exactly everything that we've talked about in this episode.
• 43:22
  Apryl: We are going to build the structure, the support, the system so that you can turn into the coach and no longer the executive function for your kiddo.
• 43:31
  Apryl: We're building the playbook, a personalized playbook for you, your kid, your household, so that you can coach them to running the plays and building these executive function skills.
• 43:43
  Apryl: It's going to be a super fun week.
• 43:45
  Apryl: We're going to be playing games, prizes, lots of fun going on.
• 43:49
  Apryl: So join me at raisingadh.orgslash breakthrough, and I'll see you kickoff night Sunday, June 7th at 7 p.m.
• 44:00
  Apryl: Alright, friend, thank you so much for hanging in there with me on this long but hopefully very powerful episode, and I will see you next week.
• 44:09
  Brian Bradford: Thanks so much for joining us for today's conversation on raising ADHD.
• 44:13
  Brian Bradford: Remember, raising ADHD kids doesn't have to feel overwhelming.
• 44:17
  Brian Bradford: Small shifts can make a big difference.
• 44:19
  Brian Bradford: If you found this episode helpful, it would mean the world if you would hit subscribe, if you would leave a review, or if you shared it with another parent or teacher who needs this support.
• 44:28
  Brian Bradford: And don't forget to join us next week for more real talk, practical tips, and encouragement.
• 44:33
  Brian Bradford: Until then, you've got this and we've got your background.