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Transcript

What is Mom Burnout? · Arise Women of God

• 0:01
  What is mom burnout?
• 0:02
  And how do you know if you have crossed the line from normal parenting fatigue into chronic clinical depletion?
• 0:12
  If you're collapsing into bed at the end of the day, completely spent with a bone deep exhaustion that sleep alone cannot fix, you are not a bad mom and you are not lacking faith.
• 0:25
  Mom burnout is a severe state of physical, emotional and mental overload where the relentless demand demands of parenting have outpaced your body's resources and ability to cope.
• 0:37
  Stay tuned and we'll dive into this ordinary women extraordinary faith.
• 0:44
  When God calls, we say yes.
• 0:49
  Hello and welcome back to the Arise Women of God podcast.
• 0:52
  I'm your host, Tamara K.
• 0:54
  Anderson, and today we are tackling a silent struggle that so many faithful Christian mothers carry in isolation.
• 1:04
  Maternal burnout.
• 1:06
  And joining me today is my dear friend and co founder of Women warriors of Light, Wendy Christensen.
• 1:13
  And she happens to be a licensed clinical social worker with over 30 years of counseling experience.
• 1:19
  So I'm thankful to have her here with me today.
• 1:22
  In today's episode, we are covering, first, the precise clinical dividing line between ordinary exhaustion and and true maternal burnout.
• 1:32
  Second, the subtle Christian perfectionism trap that convinces many faithful moms that they are just failing.
• 1:41
  Third, God's tender biblical promise of soul level replenishment in Jeremiah.
• 1:47
  And fourth, I'm going to share my own vulnerable story of surviving survival mode with four little children, including two on the autism spectrum.
• 1:56
  And how to claim practical micro resets when you have nothing left to give.
• 2:03
  But let's start by having Wendy dive into what is physically and clinically happening inside your body and your mind when you hit burnout.
• 2:13
  Well, mom burnout, it's when you feel depleted, you feel tired, you feel exhausted.
• 2:20
  But it's also, with burnout, it's a state of this severe, like physical, emotional, mental overload.
• 2:29
  It's this exhaustion that is caused by chronic overwhelm with the demands of parenting, which are actually outpacing a mother's available resources and her ability to cope with daily life.
• 2:44
  So just being a mom can be stressful, right?
• 2:48
  There's so much packed into being a mom.
• 2:51
  All the daily dues and things to keep track of and schedules and making sure kids are in the right places and doing the right things.
• 3:00
  But unlike your ordinary daily stress or your standard tiredness that goes with just being a parent, this is more of a deep depletion that persists over time.
• 3:13
  And if not taken care of, it can become worse.
• 3:16
  Like it could become depression.
• 3:19
  It can even morph into anxiety or other things like that if we don't notice it or we don't take care of it.
• 3:26
  And so you can have some chronic exhaustion where you just feel like, you know, a lot of times when you're tired or worn out as a mom, you've had a busy day, you've had a lot on your plate,
• 3:37
  and then you'll get some sleep.
• 3:39
  Maybe it's a night or two that it takes, right, to get some good sleep.
• 3:43
  But this is like a chronic down to the bone chilling exhaustion that just never seems to leave.
• 3:49
  Then you know, you're hitting burnout.
• 3:51
  That's when we start getting concerned.
• 3:54
  Did you guys catch that phrase Wendy used?
• 3:57
  A bone chilling exhaustion that just never seems to leave.
• 4:03
  As Christian mothers, we are especially vulnerable to this because we carry kind of an added layer of invisible pressure, the belief that a faithful mother should be able to do everything joyfully and perfectly.
• 4:21
  Well, here's what Wende sees in her clinical practice regarding this perfectionism trap.
• 4:28
  And it could be just that mental load, constantly organizing, anticipating, you know, taking care of everything, the logistics, the to do everything that we have, or thinking that I have to be the perfect mom.
• 4:40
  How many times do we think I have to do everything right, I have to do it all perfectly.
• 4:44
  And if I'm not the perfect mom, I'm failing.
• 4:47
  And if I'm failing, I'm no good, I'm not good enough.
• 4:50
  That can be something, especially as Christian moms that we struggle with is feeling we have to do everything right and everything perfectly.
• 4:59
  And that can lead to burnout and exhaustion and feeling like I'm not doing what I need to.
• 5:04
  Oh, my friends, when you buy into that lie that you have to do everything right, attend every need, and carry the entire household on your shoulders, you run your physical and spiritual engine until it's almost burned out.
• 5:20
  Scripture provides a refreshing antidote to that striving.
• 5:25
  In Jeremiah 31:25, the Lord declares, for I have satiated the weary soul and I have replenished every sorrowful soul.
• 5:37
  Notice.
• 5:38
  What does the Savior not do?
• 5:40
  He doesn't look at as an exhausted mother and lecture her to pray longer, wake up earlier, or organize her pantry better.
• 5:49
  Burnout is a real biological and soul level deficit.
• 5:54
  Christ's promise is direct, tender replenishment for the mother who has poured out every drop of herself.
• 6:02
  He recognizes our physical nature and he's never asked you to run faster than you have strength.
• 6:09
  Oh, my sister, I understand this bone deep exhaustion intimately.
• 6:14
  There was a season in my motherhood when I had four little children under seven years old.
• 6:20
  My oldest was the only child in the house who could verbally communicate with me because my next two boys were non verbal and minimally verbal on the autism spectrum.
• 6:33
  Between managing sensory meltdowns, therapy appointments, diaper changes, and that relentless cognitive vigilance, I was worn down to the bone.
• 6:46
  The days were long and the nights felt even longer.
• 6:50
  I leaned on God with a desperation I had never known before, pleading for his strength when I felt like I had absolutely nothing left to give my family.
• 7:03
  In that season, the Lord taught me that taking a break wasn't selfish, it was survival.
• 7:10
  And I had to learn to claim those micro rests.
• 7:14
  I distinctly remember being pregnant with my fourth child.
• 7:17
  And as you know, making a baby is hard work on an ordinary day, let alone caring for three young children, two with special needs.
• 7:26
  By midday, my body just seemed to hit an absolute wall and I had to take a nap to function.
• 7:32
  But none of my kids would nap anymore, so I had to get resourceful.
• 7:37
  I popped in a VHS tape into the VCR with the children's show, grabbed a small pillow and blanket, and lay down in the same room with them, directly in front of the door, so that I blocked the door
• 7:49
  with my body.
• 7:50
  This meant that they couldn't leave the room, and there I took my little nap.
• 7:54
  I knew that when the show ended and they tried to climb over me, my nap was officially over.
• 8:02
  Was it luxurious, uninterrupted rest?
• 8:04
  Oh heavens no.
• 8:05
  But it was a micro break that kept me from breaking.
• 8:09
  Mama, give yourself permission to drop unrealistic standards.
• 8:14
  Get a little creative and take the micro rest your body needs today.
• 8:19
  You can even talk to God about how you can do this brainstorm with a spouse or with a friend as well.
• 8:26
  If you are sitting in the ashes of burnout right now, I want to leave you with my testimony that you are not alone and you are not abandoned.
• 8:36
  Jesus Christ knows the exact weight you are carrying.
• 8:41
  He knows the silent tears you cry into your pillow at night, and he sees every hidden sacrifice you make for your children.
• 8:52
  In Matthew 28, he tenderly invites you to come unto Me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
• 9:01
  His grace is not just there for you when you make mistakes.
• 9:04
  His grace is divine enablement.
• 9:08
  When your natural strength has completely run out, you don't have to walk in this valley on your own power.
• 9:15
  Surrender those impossible expectations to him today and let him replenish your weary soul.
• 9:23
  Oh, my dear friend, if you are collapsing into bed exhausted every night, you don't need another heavy to do list.
• 9:31
  You need permission to breathe and Wendy and I have put together a free gift for you called the Mom's Burnout Reset Guide Trading Survival Mode for Christ Centered Peace.
• 9:45
  Inside this guide, we have included our printable Note to Do worksheet to help you immediately cross off draining tasks that are stealing your peace, plus our quick clinical triage so you can stop blaming yourself.
• 10:01
  Click the link in the description below to download your free copy right now.
• 10:07
  Today's episode is part one of our brand new series dedicated entirely to helping Christian mothers heal from burnout.
• 10:16
  Now that you know what Mom Burnout is, you might be asking, is this an actual physical condition or am I just failing at normal motherhood?
• 10:27
  So join Wende and me in our next episode Is Mom Burnout Real?
• 10:32
  Where we will look at the brain chemistry of Survival Mode.
• 10:37
  Hit the subscribe button so you don't miss it.
• 10:40
  Thank you for joining us today and until next time.
• 10:44
  Remember you are a woman of God.
• 10:47
  You are deeply loved and God is standing with you.
• 10:51
  So arise and do it with Him.
• 10:53
  God Strong.