Latest / Soul Salon with Ayandastood / 45: there'll always be more to say 🌻💛 | perfectionism & creativity

Transcript

45: there'll always be more to say 🌻💛 | perfectionism & creativity · Soul Salon with Ayandastood

0:00
It's okay to make things that feel incomplete.
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It's okay to make things where we feel like,
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oh, I could have edited line 17.
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I could have changed frame eight.
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It's okay.
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Give yourself permission.
0:10
If you're someone's stuck in research mode,
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you research, you research, you research, you research,
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or you're someone's stuck in editing mode,
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you edit, you edit, you edit, you save to draft.
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Oh, I'd do that all the time.
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Let yourself share something that you to yourself
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believe isn't finished and see the power of that
0:26
and also see how it's received differently than that.
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Because for you, you live with the idea.
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So to you, it's not finished.
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To someone else, they feel invited
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into your perspective on that idea for the first time.
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Hello, soul sibling, hello sunshine,
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hello divine and magical being.
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Welcome or welcome back.
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To the soul salon, I hope you enjoyed today's soul session.
0:47
Every single time I create something,
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I face this kind of dilemma because I'm so aware of
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what I didn't say, what I could have said,
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what I could have said differently,
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what I could have expressed in a way
0:59
that was more inclusive or more clear,
1:01
or I could have told a story to really bring the aliveness
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of what I was trying to say into more focus.
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I could have brought in a metaphor.
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There's something that I forgot to say
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that I actually had prepared to say before.
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And it's always so present to me how much more
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this soul session or this video or this essay could have been.
1:20
Had I only remembered to say the things
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that I now know to say,
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I'll be quite haunted by an episode
1:26
and what I failed to say or what I felt
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I could have said differently,
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but I allow myself to be surprised,
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presently and also brought back to myself
1:35
by the reception of the episode of the essay.
1:37
It's this beautiful reminder to me every single time
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that we are so hard on ourselves.
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We are so antagonistic towards ourselves.
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And if we let that voice win,
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we actually won't allow the work to reach the people
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who it's also there to serve and to teach
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and to enliven in its own way.
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And so something that I'm really proud of
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is even as I create things that I feel in some way
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maybe incomplete.
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I now see it not as my role as the artist to complete it.
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That really because I'm someone who creates
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for the enjoyment for the reception,
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I don't love the word consumption of others,
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even though I do use it, but I try not to.
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Anyways, because I create for the consumption of others,
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there she did it, there she said she would and she did.
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I know that it's not really my role to view this
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as a finished, again, the word product came.
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They also in my consciousness,
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how do I get this system out of the way that I see the world?
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It's my daily work, but essentially I know
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that this experience is a co-creation.
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It's not something that I can do on my own.
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And I think because as artists, as creatives,
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as people who are making things, whatever you are making,
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it could be a friendship and the words
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that you wish you had brought to a conversation.
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Maybe you were in a conflict with someone
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and you afterwards you're like, oh my goodness,
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why didn't I say that?
3:01
Why didn't I remember to also say, oh,
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and also this and that?
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And I think what we are facing when we have that experience
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of oh, if only I'd said that thing,
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there's a kind of illusion that we are in confrontation with
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because had we said that thing,
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we probably would have come home and said,
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why didn't I say that other thing?
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Why didn't I bring up this example or this evidence?
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These receipts, you know what I mean?
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Well, why didn't I bring this into the salsa
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along that day in my case?
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But what I face is that we are infinite beings.
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And so of course, when we create something,
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we are facing this paradox of we have infinite vision
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and possibility and imagination,
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but we do kind of have finite ways
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that we can convey that vision into the material world.
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What do I mean by that?
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I can't make a five hour episode of every point
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and counterpoint and metaphor and example and story.
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I don't want to say that time is finite
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because I don't want to play into this kind of war
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with time that capitalism and colonial consciousness
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has imposed on us.
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I don't want to play into the idea
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that we need to do things the most efficiently.
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But what I want to sit with at the same time
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because I love sitting in the paradox,
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sitting in the contradiction is that there is a way
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in which we are both infinite and finite
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and our creativity invites us to be more nourishing.
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We love an invitation in the salsa lawn.
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Our creativity invites us to confront
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to sit with, to accept this beautiful dance
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between the infinite and the finite.
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So we may have this vision for this book, this essay,
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this relationship, right?
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And in our minds, it's so romantic, it's so perfect,
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it's so wonderful.
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We go on a date, we embark on a relationship
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with a person and what do we confront?
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They are limitations or they are aspects
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that we wouldn't choose for ourselves
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that also make the relationship more real.
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The most optimistic part of me wants to say more beautiful,
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but often those aspects we don't experience
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them as beautiful, but that is real, it's reality
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that we don't get to experience the tree
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without sometimes having shade in ways
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that we wish the sun could shine through, you know what I mean?
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Like everything has, it's both and,
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even more than that, more complex than that,
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but everything holds what it kind of gifts to us
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and then also what it challenges within us.
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Essentially, doing this dance
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between the infinite and the finite,
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when we are imagining, we need to really recognize
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that while that is so divine and beautiful
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and it's really powerful, they say that consciousness,
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what makes our consciousness so profound
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is the ability to imagine futures that don't yet exist
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and that also seem very possible,
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we could feel them in our bodies, but they aren't here.
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That's really profound, that's great, that's magic.
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If you really think about it, that is magic.
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It doesn't exist and yet it's so vivid to me,
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I can see it, I'm in the room, I'm in the space,
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I'm on the stage or wherever you are,
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I'm in the community circle that I don't yet have,
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how divine, how precious, how magical,
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and if we are to recreate the world,
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we need divine and loving imagination.
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There's no other way we can create the world
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and I love critique, but we also need to recognize
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that it's this dual process, as Angela Davis says,
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we need both the deconstructed process, dismantling,
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deconstructing toxic systems,
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but we also need the constructive process,
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building, creating, reimagining,
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and then constructing in alignment with that imagination,
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rooted in the kind of world we want to see.
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But as we have this imagination and as we appreciate it,
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we need to also see that there are going to be times
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when we can't literally perfectly translate
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that imagination into the material world,
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because it's the material world,
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it has its kind of messiness, it has its obstacles,
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I don't even like the word obstacles,
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but it's messy, you know what I mean?
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It's like if you imagine a painting, cool,
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then you try to make the painting, you're gonna make a mess,
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and it's not instantly going to be exactly as you imagined,
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often maybe because your skill level to put it that way
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is not yet in alignment with the vision that you have.
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And that's perfectly fine.
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And I even think, my best friend was telling me
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Zadie Smith the author, she even feels like
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she has to forgive herself all the time
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for not being able to live up to her vision.
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She's a best-selling author, she's world-renowned,
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like you know, she's really an incredible writer,
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and she still feels that way.
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So it's kind of this surrender to the fact
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that this isn't a mistake or this isn't an anomaly,
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it doesn't mean if you feel like, oh wow,
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I'm kind of disappointed in how this essay turned out.
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Or like, oh, this poem, it hit so hard in my dreams
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or in my head, but then I wrote it and I was like,
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eh, it's not actually that there's anything wrong
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with you as a creator or an artist,
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you are facing life.
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Whenever you create, you are facing
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some of the deeper truths and paradoxes of life.
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So when you are facing the fact
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that the poem didn't come out exactly as you had it
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in your mind, you are experiencing,
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remember that quote from Sad Guru
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from a few Soul Sessions ago?
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In this moment, there is all of life.
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So if you really sit with this disappointment you feel
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in the work and you understand that you had a vision,
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you brought it to life, it's not quite as you imagined.
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That is all of life.
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That is the relationship we imagine being in,
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but then we try to actually experience relationships
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and we're so disappointed.
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Or that is the vision of something that we had
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that doesn't always perfectly come to life.
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If we can sit with that and say,
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I'm still worthy of creating.
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I'm still worthy of relating.
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I'm still worthy of experiencing things
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that I want to experience.
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Even if I can't live up to this perfect imagination
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in my head and just like our sensitivity
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and how we need to let our sensitivity guide our art
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rather than stop us from making art at all.
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I have a Soul Session on this.
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And at the same time, our imaginations are just the same.
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So while we may imagine an amazing vision,
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don't let the perfection of the vision stop you
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from trying to create at least something in the real world
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because what is the difference between the vision
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and the real world?
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What is the key difference?
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The key difference, they all exist in the universe,
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they're all divine, they're all magical
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and not all visions have to be brought to life.
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But the difference is if you allow yourself
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to create what you see,
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other people get to experience it with you.
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When we allow the vision to exist
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imperfectly in the real world,
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then other people get to partake in our consciousness,
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in our understanding, in our perspective.
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And that is such a beautiful offering.
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That is such a beautiful invitation.
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And so now when I finish an episode,
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and I'm like, oh no, this is wrong and that is wrong,
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when the episode is out and I'm a bit nervous
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because it's just nerve-wracking to share yourself,
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I'm like, you know what?
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I honor that I gave, I gave of myself, I offered myself,
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I offered my perspective and it's not on me
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to decide how that's going to be received.
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So the idea that I want to make sure really comes across
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is that our creativity is a realm of reality
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that allows us to be in deeper touch
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with certain truths of existence.
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And that is that there is no perfection,
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there is no completion.
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Nothing can ever really be, I'm sure your favorite book,
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the author's like, oh, but chapter 17,
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had I just had that plot twist this way.
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But thank goodness they just allowed the book to exist
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because it influenced you so much.
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I'm sure your favorite movie, the director or the editor
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or the costume designer was like, you know what?
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Like, I could have done this or that differently.
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So what we need to accept is that it's okay
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to make things that feel incomplete.
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It's okay to make things where we feel like,
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oh, I could have edited line 17,
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I could have changed frame eight, it's okay.
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Give yourself permission.
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If you're someone stuck in research mode,
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you research, you research, you research, you research,
10:38
or you're someone stuck in editing mode, you edit,
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you edit, you edit, you edit, you save to draft.
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Oh, I do that all the time.
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Let yourself share something that you to yourself
10:47
believe isn't finished and see the power of that
10:49
and also see how it's received differently than that
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because for you, you live with the idea.
10:54
So to you, it's not finished.
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To someone else, they feel invited into your perspective
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on that idea for the first time.
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They feel invited also to dance with their own perspective.
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Maybe you say the exact thing,
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they've been thinking for a long time
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but haven't had the language for.
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So I really just wanna affirm in each of us
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that we deserve to make things as they are
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as they can be and accept.
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Yes, there were more words that we could have said.
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Yes, there was better editing that we could have had,
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quote unquote, better, right, or more editing.
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Yes, we could have researched more for the episode.
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That's always gonna be true.
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And especially in the information age babes,
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there's always gonna be more research you can do.
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So that is absolutely true.
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And also I'm worthy of creating.
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As I am now, in my consciousness now,
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not delayed, not after I read that book, not after I,
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no, that is beautiful.
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It's a beautiful act to once you receive more information,
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I understand that and I'm not denying that need at all.
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But I am saying that sometimes we mask the fact
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that we're using all of this planning and editing
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to mask over the fact that we don't feel worthy,
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we don't feel good enough.
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So we say, okay, cool, if I just edit this more,
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then I'll be deserving of having a piece
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that I finish and that I share.
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But actually you're already deserving.
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You could go to all your drafts now.
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And especially for short form, for example, TikToks,
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I bet if you posted all your drafts,
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one of them would really resonate with someone,
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or any of them could resonate with people,
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not to put the emphasis on virality,
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but more the idea that like our work is resonant,
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even when we feel it's unfinished.
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So I wanna invite you to ask yourself,
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in what way are you hiding from this deep truth
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and uncomfortable truth that nothing is ever truly finished?
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You know what I mean?
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In the sense of nothing more could be done to it.
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Because we live in a world of infinite possibility,
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because we live in a world of infinite information now,
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because we live in a world of just infinite changes
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you could make, you could change any single word,
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you could change the structure of the sentence,
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you could change this last line to the first line.
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So in what way are you actually silencing yourself
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by not allowing yourself to accept
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that you are worthy of making things
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even if they feel unfinished to you?
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Just as we are worthy of being in imperfect friendships,
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imperfect relationships, by that I mean
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that perfection itself, completion itself,
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saying everything you need to say,
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having the fullest closure possible.
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It's often really an illusion.
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It's a fantasy, you know what I mean?
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Because even if you had said those words,
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I promise you probably would feel they were more to say, right?
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And so I think it's important to invite yourself to say,
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what am I not allowing myself to create
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or accept in my life because of this illusion of completion
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and perfection that I'm hanging onto?
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And what would I rather cling to instead?
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So for me, I'd rather cling to the notion
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that there's no point in me having these ideas
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and actually let me read you the exact words I wrote down
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because I think they're actually very powerful.
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Okay, this is the exact word for word.
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I will screenshot it from my notion document.
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The topic is called, what's the point of dying
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with all your ideas?
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Let that sit in the salsalon.
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And then the description says,
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I could either execute on an imperfect version of my ideas
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or die only with my illusion of having the potential
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to complete an idea perfectly.
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So I think that's so important.
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I could either execute on the imperfect version of my ideas
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or die only with the illusion of the idea
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that I had the capacity to create the perfect version.
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I think that is literally like,
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Dion, like, damn, that is so profound.
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Like, I'm just like, that's so cool.
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It's so true.
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When we are facing ourselves and just creating
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or sharing or doing imperfectly,
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we get to face this truth of like, damn, there's this chasm,
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there's this gap, there's this void
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between what I feel capable of making and what I made.
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That's hard, but let's talk about a void.
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It's very powerful.
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If we sit in the void and we say,
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this void is also me.
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This void is also part of the human experience.
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You can't have a universe without holes and voids
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and spaces between things without gaps.
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It's part of nature.
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So yes, I also deserve to live through with,
15:05
create through with, be through with the gap.
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So what are you stopping yourself from allowing yourself
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to create imperfectly?
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And accepting will never be fully finished.
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What are the ideas you would rather work on imperfectly
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and share imperfectly if you feel caught to?
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Then keep the illusion that you actually can
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and will make it perfectly.
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I love you so dearly and no matter what,
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no matter what you choose to do,
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you are so infinitely divine and worthy and magical.
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You have absolutely nothing to prove even to yourself.
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Even though we are creative beings,
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we always are kind of striving towards
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creating things that don't yet exist
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whether that's community, art, friendship,
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different ways of relating to people
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who are already our friends,
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different relationship structures
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and then also videos, essays, poems, books, movies,
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worlds, whatever we want to create.
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We also are not that creation.
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And even as many of us,
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I have so many ideas that it's not actually possible
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for me to complete all of them in a lifetime.
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I do want to do as many of them as I decide to give my love to,
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but I've accepted there are certain things
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where I'm like, ooh, that idea is flirting with me,
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but I'm gonna let it go.
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I'm gonna let it be for someone else.
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And what's beautiful is because we are the collective,
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I know that that idea is resonant to someone else.
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I know that that idea is talking to someone else
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through the energy of desire and intrigue
16:28
that it is caring for them
16:30
and maybe their desire, their intrigue,
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their energetic pull to that idea is much stronger than mine
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and therefore they will actually create it.
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And I think that's really wonderful as well.
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To step out and say, do I need to be the one
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to make this idea or do I just want
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the benefit of having the idea to be made?
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Okay.
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So why I say that you are infinitely worthy and divine
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is often we then use this creative drive
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as a way to kind of escape the fact
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that we don't feel worthy when we're not accomplishing things,
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when we're not achieving the things we said we wanted to achieve
17:01
or we had visions to achieve.
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What we feel called to create our creativity,
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it's always going to be polluted by and affected
17:08
by this capitalist and elitist
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and hierarchical society that we live in.
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So we have to be very careful as we do this dance
17:16
between our creativity and between the structures
17:18
that want to constrain it.
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So for me, if I'm honoring my consciousness
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and I'm honoring my truth, I did what I came here to do.
17:23
If I'm speaking from love, if I'm speaking words
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that have held me, literally I am aligned.
17:30
I did it.
17:30
You know what I mean?
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It's not about numbers.
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Of course that's part of the world that I create art in
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but I have to detach from that
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because I won't be able to stay in the spiritual realm
17:39
that I'm trying to exist in.
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If I let it overly be determined by the algorithms,
17:44
the technology, that's just a vessel.
17:46
It's a portal through which I get to share experience
17:51
and be experienced.
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But if I make the portal my identity,
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it leads to a very dark place or a very unsolvable place.
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And here in the soul salon, we want to stay solvable.
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And we don't want to let these big tech companies define us,
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you know, define our worth, define our creativity.
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Oh, she's a good creator because these are how many followers
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she has.
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No, no, no, no, no, no.
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We literally can't be measured.
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That's the irony, the paradox.
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I wanted to keep these episodes a bit short to these days
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so I'm going to leave it here with you.
18:19
I hope you feel cold to allow something
18:22
that you previously thought was unfinished, to be finished
18:25
and face that life is always unfinished.
18:28
We sometimes try to make life something that can be completed
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and I just think it's uncompletable.
18:34
It's not even meant to be completed.
18:35
We're like a blip in this universal spectrum and experience
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and it's wonderful that we get to experience it
18:40
but similarly to the wisdom of uncertainty,
18:42
there's also wisdom in seeing life as a kind of always evolving
18:47
and never fully complete aspect.
18:48
Because even after we die, are we complete
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when our energy still exists in other people?
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You know what I mean?
18:54
So when there are people whose energy exists within us
18:56
that we don't even know, like ancestry,
18:58
but also just like as a collective,
19:00
we're affected by people in ways we don't even understand.
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So anyways, let me not keep going because you know,
19:05
I could keep going.
19:06
I hope you enjoyed today's sole session.
19:09
I hope you experience yourself as magic.
19:11
I hope you look for the mirrors in the universe
19:13
in your community that reflect that love
19:16
and magic back into you because those mirrors exist.
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They exist in friends that you have yet to meet.
19:21
They exist in love as you've met to love.
19:23
They exist in music. They exist in podcasts.
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Are we attuned? Are we aware?
19:26
Are we seeing the possibility?
19:28
Okay, I love you so much
19:30
and I hope that you create magic and share it with the world
19:33
even if it doesn't feel fully complete to you.
19:36
Remembering that we create also four through and with each other.
19:40
I love you so dearly.
19:41
I will see you on next week's sole session.
19:44
I hope you have a wonderful day.
19:46
Bye.
19:47
I hope some paradigms have been shifted
19:48
for you in today's conversation.
19:50
As always, if you can, please leave a five-star rating
19:52
on Apple and Spotify.
19:54
Like, comment, subscribe.
19:55
I love you so, so much.
19:57
Okay, I love you.
19:59
Join me on my sub-slag links in the comment section.
20:02
Go there. Okay, love you so much.
20:04
Love you. Bye.