Latest / Rock My Finances / Is Your Little Girl Still Running the Show—Here’s How to Heal with Staci Smith

Transcript

Is Your Little Girl Still Running the Show—Here’s How to Heal with Staci Smith · Rock My Finances

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  Speaker 1: Investment advisory and financial planning services are offered through Simplicity
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  Speaker 1: specific financial guidance.
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  Speaker 2: Before you make.
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  Speaker 1: Any decisions regarding your personal financial situation, you should consult
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  Speaker 1: a financial or tax professional to discuss your individual circumstances
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  Speaker 1: and objective.
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  Speaker 3: Welcome to the Rock My Finances Show on k FORHD
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  Speaker 3: Radio and Talk for TV, where we put the fund
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  Speaker 3: in finance joint powerhouse Jeffer Jos CDFA CMC and Private
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: Wealth Advisor as she collaborates with you to create clarity,
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  Speaker 3: control and confidence with your money. Your weab. It's not
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  Speaker 3: about the zeros, So what is it all about? Let's
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  Speaker 3: find out now Here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jose.
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  Speaker 1: Welcome back to another spectacular episode of rock My finances
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  Speaker 1: today is going to be so fun. I have one
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  Speaker 1: of my favorite people on this planet today with us,
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  Speaker 1: and she is going to talk a little bit about
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  Speaker 1: when we're making our financial decisions and we're making decisions
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  Speaker 1: in our life, is it our adult badass self or
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  Speaker 1: is our little girl?
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  Speaker 2: Is it our little five year old? Run in the show?
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  Speaker 2: So welcome Miss Stacy Smith. Miss Stacy speaks, Hope, Hey girl,
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  Speaker 2: how you doing?
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  Speaker 4: Hello? How are you really good?
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  Speaker 2: Really good?
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  Speaker 1: I love this. So Stacey and I go way back
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  Speaker 1: and so yeah, way back. Yeah. Can you believe how
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  Speaker 1: long it's been already? My goodness, No, it's been a
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  Speaker 1: long time. So she is so amazing. I want to
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  Speaker 1: talk about a little several different things here today, but
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  Speaker 1: we're just gonna die rite on in. So Miss Stacy speaks, Hope.
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  Speaker 1: She is an amazing coach, and she helps women get
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  Speaker 1: out of their own way, basically finding their self worth,
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  Speaker 1: their confidence, and finding out that they're in her child.
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  Speaker 1: It's actually influencing our decisions and helps you heal from
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  Speaker 1: that so you can actually be your badass self that
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  Speaker 1: you are now. Is this adult child? Is this adult
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  Speaker 1: woman showing up? Does that sound about right, Stacy.
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  Speaker 4: That is spot on, Jennifer.
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  Speaker 2: I love it.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, So when you say your little girl still running
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  Speaker 1: your show, what does that really mean?
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  Speaker 5: What that means is the beliefs that you internalized about yourself,
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  Speaker 5: your worth, what you're allowed to experience. Your happiness ties
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  Speaker 5: back to something that happened or a series of things
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  Speaker 5: that happened in your childhood, in your early first sevenish
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  Speaker 5: years for the most part, but a lot of there
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  Speaker 5: are things that happened later. But there's messages that are
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  Speaker 5: dropped about if I am told to be quiet, then
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  Speaker 5: my voice doesn't matter. If I can never have what
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  Speaker 5: I want, then I think I'm not allowed to I'm
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  Speaker 5: not allowed to experience joy or just really having my
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  Speaker 5: heart's desires.
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  Speaker 2: And do we always know what those experiences are?
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  Speaker 1: No.
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  Speaker 5: That's where I come in as a hope empowerment coach.
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  Speaker 5: I help women identify. I call them lies, but they're
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  Speaker 5: the seeds that are planted in our little hearts that
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  Speaker 5: send us a message of our value about our identity,
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  Speaker 5: that keep us out of being fulfilling our joy. The
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  Speaker 5: freedom that I talk about, I got some even just
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  Speaker 5: to hone in on it. It's a level of joy
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  Speaker 5: that is complete joy that when you say that, you
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  Speaker 5: know there it is. If my joy is complete, then
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  Speaker 5: I want for nothing. I don't think I'm less than.
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  Speaker 5: I don't question my worth, I don't question my value.
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  Speaker 5: I don't question my voice, and I'm allowed. You look
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  Speaker 5: at little girls, they walk around if life has been
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  Speaker 5: safe for them, without a care in the world, just
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  Speaker 5: whatever they want, whatever they want to do, whatever they're
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  Speaker 5: curious about.
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  Speaker 4: With an unashamed, unabashed energy.
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  Speaker 5: And we learned to shrink, to play small, to go
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  Speaker 5: in a corner and sit down. That mentality extends into
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  Speaker 5: our finances.
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  Speaker 4: And what we think we want.
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  Speaker 5: We don't even dream after a while, And you can't
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  Speaker 5: dream and have big things if you don't dream.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so true. I love that.
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  Speaker 1: And I see we can all see and hear you
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  Speaker 1: on how passionate you are about this, because I know
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  Speaker 1: you've been excavating your little girl for many, many, many
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  Speaker 1: many years and coming to this place where you're at,
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  Speaker 1: where you're at now to be able to help everyone
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  Speaker 1: else and all of us. I mean, I don't think
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  Speaker 1: I've ever met any woman that doesn't need some help
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  Speaker 1: in our empowerment and healing, our little girl. I mean
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  Speaker 1: I've been doing it for years as well, and she
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  Speaker 1: still shows up so many times, Like this weekend, I
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  Speaker 1: was entertaining at my house and I was like, wow,
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  Speaker 1: I cannot believe that my little girl is right here,
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  Speaker 1: Like like.
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  Speaker 2: What are you doing?
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  Speaker 4: Girl?
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  Speaker 1: You've entertained for a million years, Like what are you
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  Speaker 1: worried about? What's going on? And it was literally everything
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  Speaker 1: that you just said, my value, my voice, my worth,
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  Speaker 1: like it was all being tied up, and this one
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  Speaker 1: evening of entertaining, like it was just like, ah, little girl,
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  Speaker 1: I can't believe you're even feeling that way. So I
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  Speaker 1: love this. I love this. So let me ask you this.
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  Speaker 1: When it shows up, like I noticed it because I've
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  Speaker 1: been doing this work and stuff. But if it's someone
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  Speaker 1: that hasn't doesn't know you, haven't been coached by you,
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  Speaker 1: doesn't know this work, how would they realize?
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  Speaker 5: The ways that she shows up really is in the
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  Speaker 5: level of control that we must have about things. We
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  Speaker 5: often go into defense mode. We're ready to fight, where
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  Speaker 5: have walls around our hearts and we want to protect
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  Speaker 5: people around us. We also can be very much people pleasers,
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  Speaker 5: to the point we lose our own identity. We don't
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  Speaker 5: even know who we are because we adjust to every
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  Speaker 5: situation because we want peace. But then we lose pieces
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  Speaker 5: of ourselves along the way as we do that. So
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  Speaker 5: there's a level of she looks very capable, she has
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  Speaker 5: to be the best. She over works, over performs, performing
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  Speaker 5: for love because we don't think we can just be
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  Speaker 5: loved by showing up. What an epiphany that can be
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  Speaker 5: and what freedom from striving because we're exhausted, we're burnt out,
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  Speaker 5: we're frustrated with the people that we have assumed taken
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  Speaker 5: care of because we felt like that was what we had.
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  Speaker 4: To do, or was our role.
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  Speaker 5: I do a little girl games quiz and it's playing
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  Speaker 5: hide and seek. You go, I'm going to be invisible
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  Speaker 5: those ladies in the back that are invisible but really
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  Speaker 5: have a lot to say.
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  Speaker 4: There's taking care of everybody else.
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  Speaker 5: There's the shape shifter, that's the one that you just
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  Speaker 5: I'm going to be the chameleon and the one that
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  Speaker 5: just wants to be busy constantly. If I sit still,
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  Speaker 5: I'll actually have to feel those feelings.
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  Speaker 1: We can relate absolutely, shut up, stop talking about me.
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  Speaker 5: But when it came to my finances, if you hadn't
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  Speaker 5: helped me feel so safe, because all our little girl
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  Speaker 5: is doing as a woman is wanting to feel safe
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  Speaker 5: and to feel loved and whatever it takes to do that,
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  Speaker 5: even if it's running ourselves ragged, because if I do
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  Speaker 5: it myself, I know it'll be done. If I trust
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  Speaker 5: anybody else, because people have failed me. Trust is a
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  Speaker 5: big thing. Taking risks is a huge thing because we
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  Speaker 5: have to hold on to every little thing to control
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  Speaker 5: the outcome.
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  Speaker 1: You're so right, the control were the sea world right,
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  Speaker 1: and we do all want to feel in control of
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  Speaker 1: our money and our lives. And let me see my
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  Speaker 1: three seas or control confidence and being able to have
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  Speaker 1: clarity around your money. And this weekend, my little girl
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  Speaker 1: showed up. You would not believe the list I printed
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  Speaker 1: off chat and I were chatting, what time do I
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  Speaker 1: do this? What time? Dude?
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  Speaker 2: I've been entertaining my entire life and I don't.
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  Speaker 1: Know how this time my little girl was forefront, like
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  Speaker 1: I had to have it all dialed in.
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  Speaker 2: I changed my recipes a few times.
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  Speaker 1: I was on my hands and knees cleaning the floors
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  Speaker 1: and in the corners behind the couch, and like you,
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  Speaker 1: was so ridiculous. I enjoyed it all, but I went
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  Speaker 1: overboard on the control. You are one hundred percent correct,
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  Speaker 1: and I knew it. My little girl's here, I'm controlling it.
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  Speaker 1: And I do the same thing when you said stay busy.
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  Speaker 1: My calendar is jam packed when I don't want to
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  Speaker 1: feel something and I don't know that, like I'm running, running, unning, running,
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  Speaker 1: run and running from something. And my mom's in a
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  Speaker 1: care faciliday. She's ninety three, badass self, and I went
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  Speaker 1: to go see her and she wasn't feeling that well
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  Speaker 1: that day, and I bawled all the way home, like,
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  Speaker 1: oh my gosh, she is not going to be here forever.
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  Speaker 1: And it's been. It's because I've been busy, busy, busy, busy, busy,
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  Speaker 1: and I haven't felt any of it. So it's gonna
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  Speaker 1: hit us no matter what. So I love that you
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  Speaker 1: get out in front of it and you educate women
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  Speaker 1: on what's happening here. So when you are running yourself ragged,
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  Speaker 1: when you are taking way more control, you know, like
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  Speaker 1: in my kids' lives. You know, I do the same
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  Speaker 1: thing over my life when we're trying to do too much.
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  Speaker 1: That's kind of telling us that we're not feeling safe.
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  Speaker 1: Like you said, we're just not feeling safe.
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  Speaker 2: I love that.
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  Speaker 1: I love that not speaking up, staying stuck, fear of
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  Speaker 1: disappointing others. Okay, so my core wound is you nailed it.
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  Speaker 1: Not worthy, right, I have to be perfect, on time
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  Speaker 1: and badass or I'm just not worthy. So when we're
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  Speaker 1: not feeling good enough, even when we're doing everything right,
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  Speaker 1: what is that coming from?
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  Speaker 5: It comes from the initial deposit of when before that.
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  Speaker 5: I always try to get women to go back to
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  Speaker 5: who were you before that happened? I can name my
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  Speaker 5: before that happened because it was an incident at school.
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  Speaker 2: Tell me for how I.
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  Speaker 4: Looked being the only black child in school. One day,
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  Speaker 4: I was.
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  Speaker 5: Happily intent playing by myself, and some older boys saw
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  Speaker 5: me from the upper playground and just started yelling and
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  Speaker 5: cussing at me.
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  Speaker 4: And I say, it.
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  Speaker 5: Rocks me to my core because I hadn't I wasn't
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  Speaker 5: even looking at them, talking to them, thinking about them.
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  Speaker 5: I didn't do anything, and then I was just wrong
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  Speaker 5: for being me. And that continued when I went to
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  Speaker 5: another school. I was wrong for being me with.
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  Speaker 4: Black kids because they said I was a black girl.
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  Speaker 4: On the outside and a white girl on the inside.
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  Speaker 5: I didn't even know what they were talking about, but
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  Speaker 5: because of my diction and the way that I spoke,
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  Speaker 5: so there I was in these crosshairs of well, who
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  Speaker 5: am I?
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  Speaker 1: What is it?
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  Speaker 4: What does it take?
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  Speaker 5: So I learned to be tough because I was physically bullied.
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  Speaker 4: I stood up for myself over the top.
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  Speaker 5: So I was crazy angry and that carried on until
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  Speaker 5: my fifties, and then when I found out that rage
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  Speaker 5: was still there, that's what really made me dig into
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  Speaker 5: where that's coming from.
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  Speaker 4: But that seed of you just being you, Stacy is.
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  Speaker 5: Not good enough, and that is tremendously impactful and hurtful
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  Speaker 5: and to the point, Jennifer, that sense of rejection was
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  Speaker 5: so strong that my body carried that until my body
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  Speaker 5: actually rejected my kidneys, and thank god, a stranger offered
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  Speaker 5: me a kidney, and I've had a transplant almost eighteen
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  Speaker 5: years ago.
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  Speaker 4: In July, it'll be eighteen years.
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  Speaker 5: But that was I'm a woman of faith, and that
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  Speaker 5: was a move of God that was unexplainable.
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  Speaker 2: Like how did you meet this late? Like were you?
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  Speaker 1: Did you? Because I have a friend that now has
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  Speaker 1: to go on to the donor list.
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  Speaker 5: My sister knew her best friend and her husband when
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  Speaker 5: they were dating, had given a kidney to his father.
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  Speaker 5: She said, I want to do this for a single mother,
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  Speaker 5: having been a single mother when she was exposed to this,
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  Speaker 5: and she watched her father in law go from near
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  Speaker 5: death the fully full life, exuberant, energetic, healthy, and she said, hey,
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  Speaker 5: I want to do And she didn't do it right away,
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  Speaker 5: but it just lined up and everything matched and it
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  Speaker 5: was it's perfect.
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  Speaker 4: That's my kidney sister.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, and you've met her.
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  Speaker 5: Oh, we've spent lots of time together and our families
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  Speaker 5: are connected, and it was beautiful.
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  Speaker 4: She was just on a podcast telling our story.
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  Speaker 1: Oh good, So you guys check out Stacy's podcast as
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  Speaker 1: well so you can hear the story as well.
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  Speaker 2: Oh I love that. So let me ask you.
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  Speaker 1: You found this rage and this anger and you took
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  Speaker 1: the step to check it out, which I think we
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  Speaker 1: all do that. But something has to happen first, right
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  Speaker 1: for us to trigger that. So tell me, for our
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  Speaker 1: listeners out there, what's a couple things they can do
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  Speaker 1: to try to heal their little girl. Besides hire Stacy
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  Speaker 1: as an environment coach.
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  Speaker 4: The first thing.
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  Speaker 5: I do a challenge with people to just try to
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  Speaker 5: remember her, like kittens, little girls go and hide if
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  Speaker 5: what caused the pain was so great, and to just
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  Speaker 5: know that she needs to know that she's safe and loved.
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  Speaker 5: There's a whether it's sometimes it's journaling. I give just
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  Speaker 5: journaling prompts to just say, hey, little girl, are you there?
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  Speaker 5: I love you, you can come out. I'm going to
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  Speaker 5: keep you safe because you don't have to be in
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  Speaker 5: charge anymore, and to give her the release of that,
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  Speaker 5: and also to honor that little girl was amazing to
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  Speaker 5: stand up and take whatever control she did at that time.
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  Speaker 5: She said, if nobody else is going to take care
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  Speaker 5: of me, I'm gonna hide, I'm gonna stand up.
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  Speaker 4: I'm going to be strong.
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  Speaker 5: I'm going to fight whatever it is to bring that
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  Speaker 5: sense of safety, that sense of wholeness and protecting. And
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  Speaker 5: I think honoring her rather than being ashamed of her
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  Speaker 5: forgiving yourself or whatever the situation was. I had to
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  Speaker 5: forgive myself for being weak or hearing to be weak
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  Speaker 5: that somebody would want to continue to bully me different people.
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  Speaker 5: There's that target, Like what do I walk around with
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  Speaker 5: that I'm a.
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  Speaker 4: Target for bullies.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, so just being loving and curious with her like
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  Speaker 5: any other little girl. If you saw a little girl
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  Speaker 5: crying on the street, what would you do. You'd run
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  Speaker 5: up to her and hugger and tell her she was okay.
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  Speaker 4: Do the same thing for yourself.
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  Speaker 2: Which means taking time with her, right, yes.
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  Speaker 4: And it's okay ether she wasn't bad or wrong.
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  Speaker 1: I love that journaling, talking to her, spending time with her.
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  Speaker 1: So in the money aspect of things, I do the
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  Speaker 1: same thing, right because I know the little girl's running
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: your money thing, which Stacy's been with me and through
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  Speaker 1: my program and everything. So I love where we have
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: spend times to play games or whatever the little girl wants.
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  Speaker 2: I mean we have.
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  Speaker 1: You know, had a client that played with barbies, and
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: I had another one had a tea party with all
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: of her stuffed animals. For me, it's Jack's Like I
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: just bought Jacks a couple months ago and went over
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  Speaker 1: to some to my daughter's house on the floor and
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: play Jacks. I was surprised I couldn't get through all six,
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: but I was surprised how well I did. But just
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: playing games and cards and stuff for my little girl.
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  Speaker 1: What do you do with your little girl when you
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: want to spend time with her.
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  Speaker 4: Coloring is a big one.
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  Speaker 2: Love that love coloring, ring and I.
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  Speaker 5: Love being outside, So being out in nature. I was
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  Speaker 5: a tomboy, So hiking, sitting by water, and then I'll write.
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  Speaker 5: I used to sit by this little meadow and just
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  Speaker 5: write and pray, even as a little girl, just to
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  Speaker 5: have that time to just we're okay, let's just take
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  Speaker 5: in nature. But journaling is huge, to just give her
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  Speaker 5: a voice, let her say what she wishes.
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  Speaker 1: She had said, Oh that's good, what she wishes she
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: had said, Yeah, because I mean, you know, kids are
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  Speaker 1: seen and not heard, like we all kind of grew
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  Speaker 1: up with that. So and then little girls have to
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  Speaker 1: be nice.
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  Speaker 4: Well yes, and when you were, you were that little girl.
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  Speaker 1: I was always that little mouthy broad Yeah. Right, all right,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: we have about five minutes left. I want you to
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  Speaker 1: be able to impart anything that you would like to
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: impart in this. And I definitely love everything that we're
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: saying here. So what would you say to women right
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  Speaker 1: now who feel like stuck right now and they're just
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  Speaker 1: not quite sure why?
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  Speaker 2: Where would they start?
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  Speaker 5: In general, they would start by honoring the woman they
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  Speaker 5: are and acknowledging that the skills that she has are
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  Speaker 5: a result of a response to something that her little
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  Speaker 5: girl needed at that time. Ask your little girl what
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  Speaker 5: she needs from you to feel safe and to feel loved,
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  Speaker 5: and just listen that stillness and listening.
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  Speaker 4: She's wise. I have a journal, I have a quiz.
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  Speaker 4: There's things that I do to.
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  Speaker 5: Help guide people along the way. But in your just
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: self to even be ready to do that work. That's
• 16:50
  Speaker 5: the other part of it is people hear my think
• 16:53
  Speaker 5: of their little girl and they think, oh, that was
• 16:54
  Speaker 5: a horrible time.
• 16:55
  Speaker 4: Oh that was bad.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: I was bad.
• 16:57
  Speaker 4: No, you weren't, sweetheart.
• 16:59
  Speaker 5: You were just brave and you did what you needed
• 17:02
  Speaker 5: to do at the time. Whether it was three, whether
• 17:04
  Speaker 5: it was five, whether it was seven, Something in your
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: brain clicked and said, I need to do this differently
• 17:11
  Speaker 5: and honor that how innovative and strong and courageous she was.
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: When you honor that, then you can look at her
• 17:18
  Speaker 5: with it through different lens, so that you can walk
• 17:21
  Speaker 5: into your joy as the woman you are today, to
• 17:23
  Speaker 5: make the financial decisions, to make the relationship decisions, the
• 17:27
  Speaker 5: career decision, the retirement decisions.
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: For me, it was like retire I get to retire.
• 17:32
  Speaker 5: Yes, because that, again, in that always striving mode never
• 17:36
  Speaker 5: entered my mind.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: I feel like you're just going head down and going.
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: And expecting to do so forever, even though I.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: Was tired, exhausted. Yeah, for sure. So I love that.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: I love that, love that spend time slowed down with her. Now.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: I know that what you do is so important.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: And for me, you know, losing my kids and going
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: through all of this and being able to go back
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: and excavate or just go spend time with my little girl,
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: I needed help to do that.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: I could not do it by myself.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: And that's why I love what you're giving, like ideas,
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: but also know that we don't have to go by ourselves.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: Bring a coach. Jump on Stacy's website.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Check it out, because it's so much more fun like
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: I do even I still even do grief counseling too.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: You know, somebody can walk with you on that journey
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: and you get to introduce your little girl to Stacy.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: You know, like that's that's the fun part because then
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: you can start experiencing that joy that you're speaking so
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: highly of. I still love that, and we need to
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: know that who we are now was shaped by something
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: and to share that with someone.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 18:47
  Speaker 5: I love that you look that little girl, look yourself
• 18:50
  Speaker 5: in the eyes, and you see that little girl. I
• 18:53
  Speaker 5: just love her. Tell her she's okay. She still needs
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: to hear that. She needs the very She needs that
• 18:59
  Speaker 5: hug she didn't get when whatever happened, she had to
• 19:02
  Speaker 5: figure things out on her own. She needed an adult
• 19:04
  Speaker 5: to come along and say, hey, sweetie, let me take
• 19:06
  Speaker 5: your hand. You can go play now. I'm going to
• 19:08
  Speaker 5: take care of you and you're safe.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and she's off duty. You can take care of
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: her now exactly. Yeah, but you got to find her first,
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: right and feel her. And I love this because I
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: was in therapy for like ten years, but coaching just
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: speeds things up so much quicker.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: So I love that.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: Okay, As I always say, what's your biggest takeaway from
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: all the work that you've done, What's your departing takeaway
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: that we can give the listeners.
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: You are enough, You are equipped trust your little girl
• 19:40
  Speaker 5: to tell you the things that will make your grown
• 19:44
  Speaker 5: woman whole and full of joy.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: I love that grown woman whole and full of joy.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: And then you can be able to be making your
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: money decisions appropriately, Stacy. I love you, you know it. Thank
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: you so much, and let's do this again.
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: Thank you. I love you too, all right? Happy to me?
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: Yes you too.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: I want everybody able to see this and say, I
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: rock my finances.
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: We appreciate you joining us today, and don't forget to
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: subscribe to the rock my Finances YouTube channel for more
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: engagement and bonus content. Tell me what is your money story?
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: Let's find out with Jennifer right here on K four
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: HD Radio and Talk for TV. It's not about the zero,
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: It's about the F word. Feelings, feelings. Jennifer can't wait
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: to explore with you next week. Until then, let's all
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: say I rock my Finances.