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Divorce & Money · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

0:06
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate the podcast, finding the space for all of you in life and love.
0:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Sally Ann Hartnell, and this podcast is for anyone wanting to reclaim and liberate themselves in their relationships and their life.
0:23
SPEAKER_00: Wherever you are on your relationship journey, these conversations meet you right there.
0:29
SPEAKER_00: In soulful, deeply supportive DNMs with me and interviews with other gorgeous humans, moving you from where you are to where you most want to be.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: A life and love completely aligned with your deepest desires to have it all on your own terms.
0:46
SPEAKER_00: If you're seeking a relationship and a life that lights up all of you, you're in the right place.
0:54
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
0:58
SPEAKER_00: From my end, it feels like quite a while since I've sat and recorded a podcast for you, so it's really nice to be back.
1:04
SPEAKER_00: I know there's been stuff being drip-fed out, but um from my end it's been a little while since I've recorded anything, so feeling like um saying hi, I'm back, even though for you guys I haven't really gone anywhere.
1:16
SPEAKER_00: Today we're gonna talk about the big one.
1:19
SPEAKER_00: We're gonna talk about money, money and divorce.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: And there's just no getting around it, so I'm not gonna oversimplify or sugarcoat it.
1:30
SPEAKER_00: Money, divorce.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: A divorce means division.
1:34
SPEAKER_00: A divorce means division of assets.
1:36
SPEAKER_00: It means at least in the short to medium term, when you're thinking about money, there might well be less.
1:43
SPEAKER_00: So it means you need to be really clear and have full, full visibility on all of your personal finances, whether that's just you and your current partner or there are kids involved.
1:54
SPEAKER_00: So no sugarcoating, no fluff.
1:58
SPEAKER_00: The money stuff is hard and it's big, and it is one of the biggest barriers to leaving an unhappy or unhealthy relationship.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: Financial education and empowerment is critical, and I want you to know wherever you are with it, it's never too late.
2:16
SPEAKER_00: It's never too late because feeling financially handcuffed strips you of agency.
2:23
SPEAKER_00: It strips you of power, it strips you of decisions, or it can feel like that.
2:29
SPEAKER_00: Every woman, every person needs to have control, needs full visibility, needs to be across their personal finances, and that goes regardless of whether you're staying or leaving, whether you're in a relationship, whether you're newly solo, wherever, what whatever space you're in, having full financial visibility and understanding gives you power and empowers you.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: And of course, having your own money is the most powerful of all.
2:59
SPEAKER_00: It's then less about the actual number, it's more about you feeling empowered and in control.
3:07
SPEAKER_00: So I want you to know that while divorce means there might be less in quantity, there might be less in number, there's also capacity for more.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: There's also more.
3:20
SPEAKER_00: So there's more control, more that is yours.
3:24
SPEAKER_00: So while there's less, there's also more.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: I want you to ask yourself: what is your relationship to money and what's your money story in this relationship?
3:36
SPEAKER_00: Are you the spender, the saver, the shopper, the investor, the debtor?
3:41
SPEAKER_00: What's your role?
3:42
SPEAKER_00: What's your money role in this particular relationship?
3:45
SPEAKER_00: And where have you or have you at all let go of your power?
3:52
SPEAKER_00: Have you disempowered yourself with money in this particular relationship?
3:57
SPEAKER_00: So, what's your money story in the relationship?
4:00
SPEAKER_00: What's your money story more globally?
4:02
SPEAKER_00: And how can you reclaim your power in your financial story if this is one of your big barriers?
4:08
SPEAKER_00: A lot of this comes down to knowledge and clarity.
4:11
SPEAKER_00: There are two key parts to reclaiming your financial power.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: The first is knowledge and clarity, and the second is mindset.
4:20
SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, the third step is action.
4:22
SPEAKER_00: So get clear on your money, get clear on what you need, and get clear on what you want because wants and needs are different.
4:32
SPEAKER_00: Wants and needs are different.
4:33
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to talk a bit more about that later, but get really clear on what you need, and really clear and be really honest with yourself about what you want and what the difference is there.
4:46
SPEAKER_00: Get clear on what you have, what you owe, what's coming in, what's going out, because when you have that clarity, you can actually start to take action.
4:57
SPEAKER_00: But is there more information or learning or support you need now?
5:01
SPEAKER_00: What is it that you need to know?
5:03
SPEAKER_00: What do you need to understand before you can actually decide what you need to do next?
5:09
SPEAKER_00: There are, of course, tangible, actionable steps you can take to reclaim your power around money or to up-level it if you feel that that's something that is going to be important to you.
5:22
SPEAKER_00: It's about visibility, where it is, how much it is, what as I said, what's coming in, what's going out, and a really clear list of expenses and perhaps where they could be streamlined or trimmed.
5:35
SPEAKER_00: Because if you're heading down the path of divorce or you're in the middle of it, and you know that there's going to be a division of assets, there's going to be a split, that you're going to be a single income household.
5:47
SPEAKER_00: Get clear on your list of expenses.
5:49
SPEAKER_00: Again, apply the wants and needs rule to this, which are wants and which are needs, and look at where those expenses could be streamlined or trimmed or shifted.
6:01
SPEAKER_00: Get clear on what your assets are, so that's what you what you own, and also your liabilities, what you owe, debts, ongoing payments, leases, loans, all that stuff.
6:14
SPEAKER_00: Another tangible action step that you can take is to connect with your bank and a trusted or trustworthy financial advisor or accountant.
6:26
SPEAKER_00: If you don't already have one, reach out to someone that you know has their money shit sorted and ask who they use.
6:34
SPEAKER_00: Connect with your superannuation fund and the superannuation fund of your partner if you can.
6:41
SPEAKER_00: Definitely yours, your partners if possible.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: If you have multiple superannuation funds, roll them into one and look at if you if you're heading down the divorce pathway, look at who your beneficiaries are because you need to declare those.
6:56
SPEAKER_00: Um, and you'll probably want them to be someone other than your ex-partner, if that's where you're headed.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: Another really tangible action point you can take, which is quite simple, a bank account in your name that only you have access to, you have visibility to, you have visibility on.
7:14
SPEAKER_00: If you're thinking about leaving, if you're not quite sure where you're going with you know, with your relationship, where your relationship's headed, this is this can be really important if you don't have a bank account in your own name.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: I'm not suggesting this needs to be a secret squirrel bank account, but it's nice to have one that's in your own name and you can save X percent a month so you have some fat in your budget or an emergency access, emergency funds that you can access if you need to.
7:49
SPEAKER_00: If that is something that you um haven't been great at.
7:54
SPEAKER_00: Um also a credit card in your own name.
7:58
SPEAKER_00: If you're only if you've only ever been a secondary cardholder, check if you have a credit rating.
8:04
SPEAKER_00: Check this with your financial institution, your bank, because it can affect your capacity to borrow, it can affect all sorts of things.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: So a credit card in your name can be really a really empowering step to take.
8:17
SPEAKER_00: Doesn't mean you have to use it, doesn't mean you're you're racking up credit card debt, but having a credit card in your own name under your control is is empowering, but it's also supportive in terms of your financial future.
8:32
SPEAKER_00: If you start with nothing else, start with paying really detailed attention to all of your bank accounts, all of your financial transactions of your family, whether that is just you and a partner, or whether that's you and kids, whatever.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: Visibility and attention to detail.
8:50
SPEAKER_00: The second part of that financial empowerment is around your money mindset, your money stories, and limiting beliefs.
8:59
SPEAKER_00: And a repeat from above what is your story, your money story in this relationship, and where did that come from?
9:08
SPEAKER_00: Often it's from our family of origin, and it might be it might sound something like I'm no good with money, there's never there's never quite enough, um, money is what is that one?
9:21
SPEAKER_00: Money is the root of all evil, you know, or or being wealthy is selfish.
9:25
SPEAKER_00: They're just some off the top of my head.
9:27
SPEAKER_00: There are lots and lots and lots of money stories that we hold, and oftentimes they come from our family of origin.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: So if you're new to this exploration of what is my money story, what is my money mindset?
9:39
SPEAKER_00: Think about how money was spoken about and um discussed and thought about in your family of origin.
9:49
SPEAKER_00: What were the stories that you grew up with around money?
9:53
SPEAKER_00: And it might be there's always enough, it's fine, let's spend it, spend it now, you can't take it with you, or it might be a more of a scarcity story.
10:02
SPEAKER_00: So think about how your family of origin treats money, how they speak about it, if they speak about it, and that will help inform it, can help you uncover and explore your own money story.
10:23
SPEAKER_00: So, what is your money story?
10:25
SPEAKER_00: How has it contributed to uh or how has it played out in your relationship?
10:30
SPEAKER_00: How has it contributed to where you are currently?
10:33
SPEAKER_00: And what part of it, if any, do you need to shift or rewrite?
10:38
SPEAKER_00: What limiting beliefs do you hold about money?
10:41
SPEAKER_00: What is your money story?
10:43
SPEAKER_00: Um, it's never too late to change that money story, and often when we change the money story, the money itself shifts.
10:51
SPEAKER_00: A lot of us hold fear.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: Fear about money, fear and well, fear about almost anything, but fear is what actually keeps us stuck, particularly around money.
11:03
SPEAKER_00: Fear of scarcity, fear of not being enough, fear of not knowing enough keeps us stuck.
11:10
SPEAKER_00: So it's that knowledge and and clarity that can open, open the gate, I was gonna say, um, that can clear the can clear the fear.
11:19
SPEAKER_00: I always think knowledge is knowledge is power.
11:22
SPEAKER_00: Knowledge about your money situation is power.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: So rather than sitting in fear and being stuck, worrying how much will my divorce cost, how much will I get be left with, how will I fund my solo life, um, you know, that can get overwhelming and it just is all too fucking hard.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: And you close your eyes, stick your head in the sand, and don't then address the other issues in the relationship because you're afraid about the money stuff.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: But here, let me tell you a little secret that you already know.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: Probably hiding from the dollar stuff, hiding from the money stuff doesn't make it easier or less scary.
12:00
SPEAKER_00: And as I said, you really already know that it's true because it makes hiding hiding from the money stuff makes everything a whole lot bigger and a whole lot scarier, really, than it needs to be.
12:12
SPEAKER_00: So lifting your head out of the sand and facing your fear is critical here.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: Facing your fears of will there be enough?
12:20
SPEAKER_00: Will I be able to understand all the investment portfolio?
12:23
SPEAKER_00: Will I be able to support myself financially?
12:25
SPEAKER_00: How am I going to do it all?
12:26
SPEAKER_00: Releasing yourself from that all or nothing division scarcity mindset and starting to look at money holistically, looking at looking at it more as a tool and a resource and an energy.
12:39
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, I get it.
12:40
SPEAKER_00: I'm not sugarcoating it.
12:42
SPEAKER_00: I get 100% that the money is is fine, it feels like a finite resource.
12:49
SPEAKER_00: And also, I want to challenge you if that's your if that's your thinking, how can you shift your money mindset from that scarcity to a more abundant mindset?
13:00
SPEAKER_00: You know, what does money actually represent to you?
13:02
SPEAKER_00: How can you move from that fear and scarcity around money to being more welcoming, welcoming more of it into your life, especially if you are moving from coupled to single life?
13:13
SPEAKER_00: Because as I said at the start of this episode, yes, divorce is going to mean division, divorce is going to mean less at times, but how can we shift from scarcity?
13:24
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, there's less, oh my god, I've only got half, oh my god, I've only got to a more abundant li a more abundant mindset.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: Reclaiming your power and your financial choices, regardless of regardless of your relationship status, gives you choice and freedom.
13:44
SPEAKER_00: And it isn't money per se, it's not the number, but it's financial control that matters the most.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: Yes, the numbers matter, I'm not dismissing that, but as I said earlier, one of the biggest barriers to leaving an unhappy relationship that I see for my clients in my coaching work is money, feeling financially handcuffed, feeling financially dependent, feeling on the back foot about money and finances.
14:17
SPEAKER_00: And while I'm absolutely not, I'll say it again and again, I'm not minimising the financial impact of divorce, especially for women, you take into consideration the gender pay gap, the motherhood penalty, the financial impact of unpaid work and caring responsibilities, and the fact that, yes, women over 55 are the fastest growing cohort of people experiencing homelessness.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: So I'm not minimising the financial impact of divorce at all.
14:42
SPEAKER_00: But how can you, if you do feel feel like you're on the back foot about money and finance, how can you get on the front foot?
14:50
SPEAKER_00: That's about financially educating and empowering yourself, reclaiming choice, reclaiming control, getting visible, upskilling, up-leveling your knowledge.
15:02
SPEAKER_00: And I do feel a bit like I'm repeating myself, but I know it means less, but in other ways, there really, really can be more more agency, more control, more say in what is spent where.
15:18
SPEAKER_00: It's yours.
15:19
SPEAKER_00: So yes, it's hard, yes, it's challenging, but it's also yours.
15:24
SPEAKER_00: So there is power and control.
15:28
SPEAKER_00: There is power in making financial choices and decisions for yourself.
15:35
SPEAKER_00: When we dig down underneath all of the fear about the financial impact of divorce, it's not always actually that scary after all.
15:45
SPEAKER_00: Dispel the fear, reclaim power, reclaim agency, reframe it.
15:50
SPEAKER_00: With the right support, it is actually possible.
15:53
SPEAKER_00: Financial support, financial empowerment, I'm sorry, financial confidence, these are crucial for women and girls, regardless of our relationship status.
16:01
SPEAKER_00: So going back to some of the nuts and bolts of really what needs to be, what might need to be looked at if you're untangling from a relationship?
16:12
SPEAKER_00: Can you provide for yourself financially with the way you are currently working?
16:19
SPEAKER_00: With the way you are currently generating income?
16:22
SPEAKER_00: Can you provide for yourself financially?
16:24
SPEAKER_00: Will your work need to change?
16:28
SPEAKER_00: Will you need to do more?
16:30
SPEAKER_00: Do you need more income and therefore more work?
16:34
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you need to do less.
16:36
SPEAKER_00: If you're going to be single parenting and transitioning children through the practical and emotional upheaval and reorganization of their families, of their family and their life, as well as doing your own stuff, is it sustainable for you to work the same amount?
16:50
SPEAKER_00: Do you need to drop down and do less?
16:52
SPEAKER_00: So that's really an organizational question, but it has a monetary impact.
16:58
SPEAKER_00: Do you need to do different work?
17:00
SPEAKER_00: For example, if you currently work on days while your partner cares for the children, will this be car will this be possible going forward?
17:09
SPEAKER_00: So when you think about your financial situation, your income, will your work need to change?
17:16
SPEAKER_00: And in if it needs to change, in what capacity does it need to change?
17:20
SPEAKER_00: More, less different.
17:22
SPEAKER_00: If you don't actually have a job, think about what that means for you.
17:26
SPEAKER_00: What work can you do?
17:29
SPEAKER_00: What work are you willing to do?
17:31
SPEAKER_00: What work are you able to do?
17:33
SPEAKER_00: And is this sufficient to step you closer to the future you most want for yourself?
17:41
SPEAKER_00: When you think of yourself in 10, 20 years' time, is this work enough for you to have the life you want for yourself?
17:50
SPEAKER_00: Now, this personally, this was a really key shift in my in my own divorce journey.
17:58
SPEAKER_00: I wish I'd had somebody to say to me when we first separated, okay, think about your life in 10, 20, 30 years' time.
18:07
SPEAKER_00: How do you want that to look?
18:08
SPEAKER_00: How are you going to fund that?
18:10
SPEAKER_00: And how does that look with two small children and a fly-in, fly out ex-husband?
18:15
SPEAKER_00: Let's be practical here.
18:17
SPEAKER_00: Working as a wedding and portrait photographer with predominantly, which was predominantly a weekend work, really wasn't going to serve me.
18:25
SPEAKER_00: But it took me a little while to work through that.
18:28
SPEAKER_00: It took me trying to find caring for the kids, took me like all sorts of things.
18:34
SPEAKER_00: So, and and the financial um reward as well.
18:38
SPEAKER_00: So, really think when of yourself in 10, 20, 30, however many years in the future, does the work that I'm currently doing provide enough income to support the life I most want to live?
18:54
SPEAKER_00: And if you don't currently have a job and you are looking at separation, divorce, reorganizing your life after a relationship breakdown, if you don't have a job, in the words of one of my beautiful past clients, get a job, get any job, then get a better job.
19:14
SPEAKER_00: This is an investment.
19:15
SPEAKER_00: These are my words.
19:17
SPEAKER_00: This is an investment in yourself and in your future.
19:20
SPEAKER_00: So she says, get a job, get any job, then get a better job.
19:24
SPEAKER_00: I say, look at it as an investment.
19:26
SPEAKER_00: It's an investment in yourself and it's an investment in your future.
19:31
SPEAKER_00: What will the divorce cost?
19:32
SPEAKER_00: Is a massive question.
19:34
SPEAKER_00: What will the divorce cost?
19:36
SPEAKER_00: Will there be enough?
19:36
SPEAKER_00: How's it going to be split?
19:38
SPEAKER_00: How much will I get?
19:39
SPEAKER_00: What about superannuation?
19:41
SPEAKER_00: How will I manage on a single income?
19:43
SPEAKER_00: Will I be able to retire?
19:45
SPEAKER_00: How will I manage financially?
19:47
SPEAKER_00: The answer to all of that is by getting smart and gaining clarity, building your knowledge and flexing your financial muscles, like we said earlier, learning what you don't know, putting into practice what you do.
20:01
SPEAKER_00: Work out how much it costs to live your life and the life you want to live, how much you need to cover the basics and more.
20:10
SPEAKER_00: Here's where the wants and needs really come in.
20:13
SPEAKER_00: Be realistic here.
20:14
SPEAKER_00: A safe, reliable car is a need.
20:19
SPEAKER_00: A top-end luxury vehicle is a want.
20:24
SPEAKER_00: A decent education for your kids, a really robust, decent education for your kids is a need.
20:33
SPEAKER_00: The most expensive private school in your state is a want.
20:39
SPEAKER_00: And that's really hard for some people to grasp the difference between a want and a need.
20:45
SPEAKER_00: And I use those examples because they're pretty they're pretty clear.
20:50
SPEAKER_00: But be brutally honest with yourself.
20:53
SPEAKER_00: What is a want and what is a need?
20:56
SPEAKER_00: And if it's a want, how much are how much are you willing to fight for it?
21:02
SPEAKER_00: What are you willing to pay for it?
21:04
SPEAKER_00: And I'm when I take when I say pay in this situation, I'm talking, yeah, money, but also what are the cost?
21:11
SPEAKER_00: You know, energetic cost, heartache cost.
21:14
SPEAKER_00: So you'll get really clear and be brutally honest with yourself about wants and needs.
21:21
SPEAKER_00: How much do you need?
21:22
SPEAKER_00: If you've got kids, how much do you need for them, or how much do you need to cover what they want, what they need, what they do now, and how will that change, i.e., how's it going to increase as they get older?
21:36
SPEAKER_00: If you can, if you're going through a separation process, if you can discuss this together and factor it into your financial settlement, kids get more expensive as they get older.
21:47
SPEAKER_00: I I often share with some with my clients that um my son actually went through three pairs of runners and therefore three pairs of school shoes in one calendar year.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: And I think we did two pairs of footy boots in that year.
22:03
SPEAKER_00: He just grew so quickly that nothing fitted.
22:06
SPEAKER_00: Kids get more expensive.
22:08
SPEAKER_00: Think about that when you're discussing how your four your family is going to function financially.
22:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, through your separation and divorce, but also beyond.
22:17
SPEAKER_00: And yes, if you can discuss this to do it together, factor it in, and think beyond just the immediate future when you're negotiating and agreeing on your financial settlement.
22:28
SPEAKER_00: Get clear, as I said before, know what's coming in, watch what's going out, track everything, which helps build your financial literacy, education, your empowerment, budget, budget, budget.
22:40
SPEAKER_00: And a budget doesn't have to be punitive.
22:43
SPEAKER_00: A budget doesn't have to feel limiting.
22:47
SPEAKER_00: Tracking everything, having a budget just gives you information.
22:52
SPEAKER_00: Track your spending, where is it going?
22:55
SPEAKER_00: Yes, the big things: mortgage or rent, groceries, utilities, insurances, education, transport.
23:03
SPEAKER_00: I'm running down the list.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, any other loans, debt repayments, kids' costs, we spoke about other membership subscriptions, the gym, vet bills.
23:16
SPEAKER_00: Vet bills can blow you out of the water.
23:19
SPEAKER_00: Um, and then more personal stuff, you know, your hair and beauty, entertainment, eating out, takeaway, coffees.
23:26
SPEAKER_00: Just track everything because knowledge, I said again, knowledge is power.
23:32
SPEAKER_00: It gives you an idea about what it costs to live your life and where the fat might be.
23:39
SPEAKER_00: Get help or advice if you need to, and know that if you can divorce smart, if you can divorce not spend bucket loads of money on legal fees, it helps.
23:53
SPEAKER_00: So mediation, collaborative professionals, and collaborative family lawyers, coaching, all help, they're all helping to keep you out of conflict, out of court, because it is actually the conflict that costs.
24:07
SPEAKER_00: As soon as you tip into conflict, your divorce costs will go through the roof.
24:13
SPEAKER_00: So if you can do it collaboratively, if you can do it cooperatively, it's gonna cost you less, which leaves more in the bucket to be separated and separated, to be um divided, which leads me to how much will I get?
24:28
SPEAKER_00: I'm I am so often asked this: how much am I gonna get?
24:32
SPEAKER_00: I'm worried about how much I'm gonna get.
24:33
SPEAKER_00: I want this amount, I want this percentage.
24:36
SPEAKER_00: How are things split?
24:39
SPEAKER_00: In Australian law, 50-50 is is not an assumed thing.
24:44
SPEAKER_00: It's not assumed that 50-50 is a thing.
24:46
SPEAKER_00: In family law, when we talk about property settlement, it's the division of all of your assets, not just real estate property.
24:54
SPEAKER_00: So everything is included in the in that asset pool: real estate, cars, investments, superannuation, cash, bitcoin, a business.
25:03
SPEAKER_00: If you own a business, it can even include things like significant artwork or jewellery that has significant value, and debt is also part of the pool.
25:15
SPEAKER_00: So working out what you've got and what you owe, that is your that's your assets and your debts and what they're worth.
25:23
SPEAKER_00: This is called the asset pool.
25:25
SPEAKER_00: Now, considerations in terms of how that gets divided, it's as I said, it's not just a simple 50-50 split.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: There are other things that are can that are considered in that mix.
25:39
SPEAKER_00: Um, direct financial contribution by each of you to the marriage or the relationship, wages, salary, who brought and who brought what into the relationship, indirect financial contributions, such as maybe an inheritance from a from a family member, and importantly, non-financial contributions are also considered child caring, homemaking, and also future requirements and future earning capacity.
26:08
SPEAKER_00: So things like your age, your health, your financial resources, your your caring of children in the future, and your capacity or your ability to earn the relate sorry, the length of the relationship is also considered.
26:23
SPEAKER_00: So it's not just a simple, we've got this much, we divide it in along these lines.
26:29
SPEAKER_00: All of those things are taken into consideration.
26:33
SPEAKER_00: And of course, the way your particular assets and debts will be shared between you will depend on the individual circumstances of your family or your relationship, your marriage.
26:42
SPEAKER_00: Your settlement will probably be really different from others that you have you've heard about, you know.
26:47
SPEAKER_00: Oh, she got 80%, or he got he got 40%, he got whatever.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: It's quite individual, but all of those things are taken into consideration, not just I earned all the money, therefore it's all mine.
27:02
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna give you this amount.
27:04
SPEAKER_00: It's not how it rolls.
27:07
SPEAKER_00: A legal property settlement also needs to be deemed fair and equitable, so no one can be railroaded into something that is not fair and equitable.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: And something to consider is that there are in Australia there are time limits on property settlement once you're officially divorced, and currently that's 12 months for married couples and two years for de facto.
27:28
SPEAKER_00: So it's really it's usually best to agree on your property settlement before finalising your divorce, which is really just lodging papers with the court.
27:40
SPEAKER_00: It's the final, it's the final tick, you know, it's the final thing to cross off the list.
27:46
SPEAKER_00: So um settle property settlement preferably before divorce, so those time limits don't kick in and you're not pressured to make decisions.
27:57
SPEAKER_00: It is worth noting too that the asset pool is determined not at the time that you agree to separate, but at the time of divorce.
28:08
SPEAKER_00: So purchases made, debts incurred after separation, but prior to the time of agreement, I shouldn't say divorce, I meant the agreement being signed, they are included in the asset pool.
28:21
SPEAKER_00: So don't run up debts or spend down that asset pool unnecessarily.
28:28
SPEAKER_00: Another factor to consider when you're thinking about money and divorce, and it is one of I was gonna say one of the biggest mistakes that women make.
28:40
SPEAKER_00: I didn't know that it's a mistake, but it's it's a real challenge that women bump up against, women particular, pardon me, and that is trying to hold on to things that we can no longer afford because of the emotional attachment.
28:57
SPEAKER_00: And that's why I talk, I spoke earlier about wants versus needs, and I speak about it a lot with my clients when we're talking about when we're moving through settlement negotiation.
29:10
SPEAKER_00: One of the biggest challenges for us is letting go of things that we really can no longer afford or no longer serve us because of emotional attachment, and primarily what I'm talking about here is the family home.
29:27
SPEAKER_00: I always say to my clients, you can't eat a house.
29:31
SPEAKER_00: You can't eat a house.
29:33
SPEAKER_00: Does the house actually serve your purpose as a single person or a single parent?
29:40
SPEAKER_00: Does it serve your purpose in this new iteration of life?
29:46
SPEAKER_00: And will it serve your purpose moving forward two, five years down the track?
29:52
SPEAKER_00: Can you manage it physically and financially?
29:57
SPEAKER_00: Because if all you walk away with in your property settlement is the house without the financial backing or capacity to maintain it, is it actually worth it?
30:08
SPEAKER_00: Home is way more than a house, it's way more than a building.
30:12
SPEAKER_00: So really be clear on the on your wants versus your needs, and if you are fighting to hang on to the house, ask yourself why.
30:21
SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself why it's so important to you.
30:25
SPEAKER_00: If it's to create stability for kit for your kids, I would challenge you on that.
30:30
SPEAKER_00: You are their stability.
30:32
SPEAKER_00: You are their stability, not a physical house.
30:35
SPEAKER_00: Home is more than a house, it's more than a building.
30:38
SPEAKER_00: Be clear on your wants versus your needs, and can you actually afford in all in all ways, financially, energetically, physically?
30:48
SPEAKER_00: Can you afford to keep this house?
30:51
SPEAKER_00: This house?
30:52
SPEAKER_00: Does this particular house serve your purpose, serve your needs, meet your needs, or would you be better in something different, potentially smaller, potentially less expensive, and free which enables you to free up capital?
31:08
SPEAKER_00: Same goes with a car, you know, it it's obviously a lower ticket item than a house or an apartment or a unit, real estate, but still, do you still need that particular car?
31:22
SPEAKER_00: Or would you be smarter to go smaller, go more economical, whatever?
31:28
SPEAKER_00: Think about wants versus needs and make smart financial decisions.
31:34
SPEAKER_00: Also, going back to fear and stripping out the fear and getting your head out of the sand, create a plan as soon as you can that takes you from the present, which is often scarcity, panic, oh my god, and looks to the future.
31:49
SPEAKER_00: And yep, I'm talking future, as I said before, 5, 10, 20 years, including your retirement.
31:55
SPEAKER_00: You may need to re-evaluate your financial goals, short, medium, and long term.
32:00
SPEAKER_00: So get clear on what's coming in, as we said, really know your income, your salary, your wages after tax, tax bills, all that stuff, but also check with Centrelink, Social Security, Child Support.
32:14
SPEAKER_00: Know your entire income.
32:16
SPEAKER_00: What other income is there?
32:17
SPEAKER_00: You know, are you getting dividends from savings or investments?
32:20
SPEAKER_00: Are you going to be as a single person, a single parent, um, entitled to Centrelink payments, family tax benefit, family, etc.
32:28
SPEAKER_00: etc.
32:29
SPEAKER_00: So really get clear on your income because it's not just a job.
32:32
SPEAKER_00: Income, it's not just wages, there are other forms of income.
32:36
SPEAKER_00: As I said earlier, open a bank account in your name, open close joint accounts.
32:42
SPEAKER_00: If like if you're divorcing, um, look at look at your joint accounts and I guess streamline them, um, consolidate them.
32:53
SPEAKER_00: Something else that you can look to do with money stuff is open or have a shared account, and this only works in collaborative, cooperative family situations.
33:05
SPEAKER_00: You can have an account for the kids where the kids' money goes in there and agreed expenses are paid for out of that account.
33:13
SPEAKER_00: So that that in entails that requires, I should say, a level of trust and a really cooperative, collaborative uh co-parenting array arrangement, but it's it's something that you could consider.
33:28
SPEAKER_00: Um, so definitely know what's coming in, know what's going out, and you know, compare them.
33:34
SPEAKER_00: Is what's coming in enough to support you to live a decent life?
33:38
SPEAKER_00: How much do you want?
33:39
SPEAKER_00: How much do you need, etc.
33:41
SPEAKER_00: etc.
33:44
SPEAKER_00: Seek out expert help if you if you need deeper support on this, seek out expert help.
33:51
SPEAKER_00: And I will drop some, I'll drop some names who of money coaches, financial advisors who I am connected with.
34:00
SPEAKER_00: There is a couple, there's three, I think, other podcast episodes around money that you can um check out.
34:08
SPEAKER_00: One's with Jordan Vacker, one's with Melissa Maher, and one's with Nicola Lesios.
34:12
SPEAKER_00: So if you go back through past episodes, you can find money stuff there.
34:19
SPEAKER_00: Um, I guess the biggest thing here is if you're not already, if you're not already on top of it, if you're not already across it, get involved, get involved in the financials of your family, get financially fearless.
34:33
SPEAKER_00: And by fearless, I don't mean reckless.
34:36
SPEAKER_00: Strip out the fear and find the answers to what you don't know.
34:40
SPEAKER_00: Invest time, energy, and yes, money, but invest time and energy into learning what you need to know, what you need support around and clarity, clarity, clarity, visibility, visible, visibility, visibility, right?
34:57
SPEAKER_00: If you feel financially handcuffed, if you feel paralyzed, it's fear, sure.
35:04
SPEAKER_00: But that fear, that paralysis is actually stealing from you.
35:10
SPEAKER_00: It's stealing from your future, it's to pay for your present, to pay for your past.
35:16
SPEAKER_00: So regardless of whether you're staying or you're leaving or you're in the messy middle of divorce, having financial visibility and understanding strips out that fear and gives you power, empowers you.
35:30
SPEAKER_00: The knowledge gives you power and empowers you.
35:33
SPEAKER_00: So get financially fearless, not financially reckless, but fearless.
35:40
SPEAKER_00: And and if you do happen to repartner, think really seriously about how that's going to look financially.
35:51
SPEAKER_00: Be prepared to have hard money conversations early with yourself first.
35:56
SPEAKER_00: We talked about that.
35:57
SPEAKER_00: What is your money story?
35:58
SPEAKER_00: Have those hard finan those hard money conversations with yourself and then with your new partner.
36:07
SPEAKER_00: If part of your money story is that you're not good with money, or that money is someone else's job, someone else's responsibility, ask yourself, are you looking to be saved financially?
36:19
SPEAKER_00: Are you looking to be saved financially?
36:21
SPEAKER_00: Is there a bit of Cinderella syndrome thing going on here where you know someone someone's going to march in on a white horse to save you, and that includes saving you financially?
36:31
SPEAKER_00: Or are you the rescuer?
36:33
SPEAKER_00: Are you saving or rescuing someone else?
36:35
SPEAKER_00: So have really open, hard money conversations with yourself first, with your ex if you're separating, but with a new partner, if you repartner.
36:46
SPEAKER_00: Open, honest, ongoing considerations about money, and do consider a binding financial agreement if you choose to live with a new partner.
36:57
SPEAKER_00: A binding financial agreement protects you both financially, both of you.
37:01
SPEAKER_00: And in Australia, once you've lived together for I'm gonna say two years, I would probably need to double check that, but I'm pretty sure it's two years.
37:08
SPEAKER_00: You're considered legally de facto, and family law applies to you if you were to split.
37:16
SPEAKER_00: So for me personally, and for a number of my clients, creating that financial freedom and independence after divorce was a critical part of my healing and growth, and that's not something I'm ever going to relinquish.
37:29
SPEAKER_00: Now that that's not something that's rooted in scarcity or fear.
37:34
SPEAKER_00: It's rooted in power and claiming my power.
37:38
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean that I'm mean or wounded.
37:41
SPEAKER_00: It's smart, it's a really smart financial move.
37:44
SPEAKER_00: I don't need to be saved financially, and I'm really not up for rescuing anyone else.
37:49
SPEAKER_00: I'm really generous and I will share what's mine with those I love and care about, but I'm also really savvy and I know things can change.
37:58
SPEAKER_00: So if you're repartnering, do your due diligence, have the hard conversations, protect yourself, your assets, your family.
38:07
SPEAKER_00: Really consider a binding financial agreement.
38:11
SPEAKER_00: Separation, divorce, reorganizing your life and your family afterwards, this is the time to be financially proactive.
38:20
SPEAKER_00: It's time to get financially proactive rather than reactive.
38:24
SPEAKER_00: Get on the front foot.
38:26
SPEAKER_00: Or if you're already on the front foot, get further on the front foot.
38:31
SPEAKER_00: Because if you feel like and if you feel like you're way behind on this stuff, do know it is never too late.
38:39
SPEAKER_00: Clarity, visibility, knowledge, it's all information and power.
38:46
SPEAKER_00: Build your financial literacy.
38:49
SPEAKER_00: And to finish, in the words of Michelle Obama, don't be afraid, be focused, be determined, be hopeful, be empowered.
39:00
SPEAKER_00: Divorcing smarter means that there is more in the pool, it means less is wasted.
39:07
SPEAKER_00: So if you can be focused, determined, hopeful, empowered to divorce smarter, you're already a little bit further on the front foot.
39:18
SPEAKER_00: I will drop links to a few supportive resources that I have access to in the show notes.
39:24
SPEAKER_00: If there's anything else that you need, please don't hesitate to reach out.
39:28
SPEAKER_00: If you know someone that would really benefit from listening to this episode, please please share it with them.
39:34
SPEAKER_00: And of course, as always, I would love it if you would follow the podcast.
39:39
SPEAKER_00: It helps get it in the ears of more beautiful humans like you who need to hear it.
39:44
SPEAKER_00: Follow, leave a review, all the things would be awesome.
39:48
SPEAKER_00: Here's to financial freedom, here's to financial empowerment.
39:51
SPEAKER_00: It's never too late.
39:54
SPEAKER_00: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, Relationship Coach, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
40:01
SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love this episode, please, please share it with them.
40:09
SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you'd follow the podcast and review this episode so we can get it in the ears of a whole lot more humans just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
40:21
SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next time for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
40:26
SPEAKER_00: Until then.