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148. They Should Want You to Win · Impact Ready

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  Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
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  your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
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  Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
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  energy each day. This is for those who seek to
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  make life truly meaningful. Get ready for impact.
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  Hello. Hi team, thank you for being
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  here and for listening. I hope you're having an awesome
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  week. This is an episode that's going
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  to be short and sweet and kind of punchy.
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  Like a little bit of lightning in a bottle, kind of.
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  Message because I want to pump you up this week and I want to
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  bring home a message that I've been thinking about a lot
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  lately. And this episode is about the
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  people you surround yourself with.
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  And the message is very simple. Surround yourself with people
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  who want you to win. I've been thinking about this so
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  much because I'm noticing there has felt like a shift in the
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  tide with people. I'm actually starting to see a
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  lot more celebration that's happening for people in their
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  friendships and their relationships and their life.
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  People are pumping each other up.
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  They're celebrating them, and I'm really excited about that.
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  At least in my circles and in the periphery that I can see.
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  I know that there are a lot of people who are not having this
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  experience. And in fact, I just spoke to a
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  client recently who's straight up said, I don't have anybody in
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  my life who's cheering me on, who has my back, who's lifting
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  me up. And it really has me thinking
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  about this idea that it is absolutely crucial and essential
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  that we surround ourselves with people who do just that, who
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  lift us up, who are cheerleaders, who want to see us
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  win. And of course, it's obvious we
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  don't want to be surrounded by people who are mean to us.
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  And we certainly know that there are people out there who are
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  kind of mean. But it's very obvious to us to
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  create boundaries and distance between ourselves and those
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  kinds of people. That's what you learn when
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  you're little. Don't play with mean people.
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  You don't have to be friends with bullies.
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  We understand that. But we should take this step
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  further, team, and say don't surround yourself with people
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  who are discouraging of you. Not mean, but discouraging.
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  Don't be with people who are discouraging of you.
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  Don't even let them in. We always talk about setting
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  boundaries for bullies, but we don't talk about setting
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  boundaries for discouraging people.
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  And that's almost as bad because it's more silent and subtle and
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  under the radar when people are discouraging.
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  But it can be deeply, deeply, profoundly impactful for us and
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  our belief in ourselves and our self-confidence and self
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  assuredness. It is so impactful.
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  We don't always recognize discouragement because it can
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  come in a lot of different forms beyond the really obvious
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  outward discouragement that people say with their words.
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  But it can also come in the form of saying, Are you sure you
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  really want to do that? Do you think you're equipped to
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  to be doing this? Are you sure you should be
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  taking that risk? What does your family think?
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  Oh, did your parents think that was a good idea?
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  There's so many different ways that people can speak
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  discouragement that are not the outright discouragement.
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  And sometimes it's not words at all, but it's a smirk or a laugh
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  or an eye roll, or a backhanded comment or a belittling
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  statement, or even like you heard gossip within your friend
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  group about yourself. Don't let those people in your
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  circle anymore, and if they're already there, create some
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  distance from them. Instead, we have to surround
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  ourselves with people who want to see us win.
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  They should want to see us win because that is a sign of a
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  confident, self assured person who has done some of the work
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  that's required in life and is able to bring their whole self
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  to a friendship and team. They don't have to look and
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  think like you. It doesn't mean that you have to
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  be friends with all the same kinds of people as you in the
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  same types of circles. Hell, one of my best friends,
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  his name is Mark and we could not be any more different.
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  He's a big dude, alpha male, works in the mining industry, in
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  the corporate finance. He doesn't really like to be
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  social with everyone. He's more of an introverted guy.
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  We're kind of the most unlikeliest of friends, but he's
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  got a soft side and he's one of the most passionate, loyal
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  people I know. He's always one of the first
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  people to ask what can I do? And I mean seriously, anytime
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  there's something hard going on in our lives, he sends me a
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  message and says what can I do to help?
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  Every single time one of the first people to get a message
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  from. And you know what else he always
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  says to me? He says dude, I want you to win.
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  Verbatim. Those are the words that I hear
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  out of his mouth. Dude, I want you to win.
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  And after so many years of that consistent statement from him,
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  I'm like, God, he really does. He wants me to win.
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  And over time, I've wanted to surround myself with more and
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  more people who think and act just that way.
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  It's absolutely huge when you're growing and expanding as a
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  person, as we all are. Those are the people that stand
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  the test of time in your life because they allow you to be and
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  become your best future self. Look, we all have our baggage
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  and I'm not saying that we don't bring it to friendships or
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  relationships. We do.
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  But to put our baggage on other people, to lead with our pain or
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  our scarcity or our fear and look at somebody we care about
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  in the eye and just blatantly discourage them, that ain't it.
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  The time for that is over. We need to do something
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  differently. And I can acknowledge that it
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  can be hard as adults to make these shifts.
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  It's hard to make new friendships as adults.
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  It really can be. And there are times where you
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  might feel lonely or isolated in this path of sort of creating
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  new relationships that feel better, that feel feel more
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  hopeful and more positive and more uplifting.
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  But it's crucial to do that because in the long run, you
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  don't want to look back and say, God, for so many years of my
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  life, I was just surrounded by people who were steeped in fear
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  and their own pain. And it was sort of a caustic
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  solution we were all seeping in. You know, I'm embarrassed to say
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  that I've let this happen in my life many times for a lot longer
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  than I should have. I've been in so many different
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  friendships or relationships where people were discouraging
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  to me or to other people and I allowed it to happen.
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  I would make excuses for them. I would say, oh, they probably
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  didn't mean it that way, or maybe they don't recognize what
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  they're saying. And you know what, it never got
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  better. Because people who are
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  discouraging of you, of other people, they're not dealing with
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  their own stuff. They're not dealing with their
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  baggage or their insecurity or their fear or their scarcity.
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  They're not doing the work. And because they're not changing
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  anything and they're not doing the work, that means that it's
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  never going to change. And I've seen that in my own
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  life. I'm sure that you've had that
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  experience before. And what we have to recognize is
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  it's not our freaking job to change it.
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  The really, really hard lesson for me that I've had to learn
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  over and over is that just because you can see someone's
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  heart, you can see the goodness in their heart and who they had
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  the potential to become, it doesn't mean that it's your
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  responsibility to stick around until they do, until they become
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  it. It's not your job to help bring
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  it to fruition. You can see their heart and
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  cheer them on from a distance. You don't need to be their
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  punching bag in the meantime. And that's, that's a hard thing
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  to act on. We know it intuitively.
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  You would probably agree with me if I said that to you face to
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  face. But to act on it, to really make
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  decisions, hard decisions about who we spend time with, I know
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  that that's not always easy, but we should be cheering on every
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  single friend we have. We should be lifting each other
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  up and encouraging each other because this shit is hard in
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  this world. And the truth is, nobody makes
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  it on their own. Nobody is self-made.
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  People are made by standing on the shoulders of the other
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  people that came before them or the people around them
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  currently. And so it makes perfect sense
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  that if you want to get to where you want to go, you have to
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  surround yourself with people who are willing to let you stand
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  on their shoulders temporarily and they're willing to hold your
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  ankles so that you don't fall over.
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  That's the stuff that makes a real friendship.
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  That's what makes real community and quality connection.
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  And we have to start paying more attention to that because God
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  damn it, you are so deserving of that in your life.
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  So I don't have a challenge for you this week.
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  I just hope that this message sinks in to your heart and to
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  your mind and your spirit. I hope that you remember this
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  because I know it, that you know it internally, that you felt
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  this in your life. I hope that you can really
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  integrate this and start to make some decisions, do a little
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  audit and see like who's sticking around and who do I
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  have to create some distance from because I'm not tolerating
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  this anymore. I'm choosing the people who want
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  to see me when Let's go team, I hope you have a great week.
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  I'm excited for you. Let's do this.
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  Thank you for being here and thank you for being ready to
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  impact. Thanks for listening to Impact
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  Ready. I hope today's episode inspired.
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  You to own your. Impact and recognize.
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  That you are powerful. By elevating our energy and
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  awareness. We can.
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  Create exponential change in this life.
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  If you enjoyed today's insights, share them with a friend and
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  subscribe to. The show for more.
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  I truly appreciate you. Thanks again for being here.